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334 pages, Paperback
First published May 6, 2014
I was different then. Dare I say I was a douchebag?
I dare not.
I've always been awesome.
Even if I was a self-centered dick, I was an awesome self-centered dick.

1. Protecting Charlie
2. Retrieving Aspen
3. Unlocking the Mystery of the Scrolls with Oswald
4. Resolving his inner moral turmoil
5. Concerning himself with Anabelle, Kraven and Paine waltzing around each other
6. Worrying about Max and Valery's relationship issues
7. Devising a Strategy to defeat the sirens and the collectors trying to attack The Hive
8. Finding the traitor among the (what felt like) sixty thousand people living in The Hive

Charlie inspects her palms, and I inspect her purple skirt. Nothing gets me going like a skirt. Or bacon. Or any sliver of skin on any part of Charlie's body. Jaysus, she's just so innocent. Makes me want to ravage her with my darkness, and I know just how disturbing that sounds.
Every time someone says "I want to show you something" take one shot.
Every time a scene gets interrupted by a scream, take two shots.
Every time Dante moons over any aspect of Charlie's perfection take three shots.

I clutch the wrists as best I can but my brain is shutting down. 'I need oxygen!' it says.
"No," I tell it.
'Then goodnight.'


Blue reaches out to touch my wings. "Why are your wings black?"
I slap his hand away. "You want to grab my junk, too? Keep your nappy hands to yourself."

"Paine stretches his hand across me and Max takes it. They give each other googly eyes without breaking a smile
[...]
"Your fanny pack caressed me in the most amazing way," Max tells Paine.
"I tied you up with your sunglasses strap," he replies."





If war is coming, I make it look damn good.