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Martha is just like any other granny--she wears shawls, rides a scooter, likes a nice lunch after church (thank you Jesus!), and she loves the Supermall almost as much as she loves her family.
Until the day her entire beloved family is slain by bloodthirsty school teachers when her grandson loses the crucial championship basketball game. Martha is left for dead, and with nothing left to live for.
But unlike other grannies, Martha's not going to take this massacre lying down! With the help of the Mascots, a race of living sports mascots, Martha trains to become vengeance on her family's murderers. Whether this means slaughtering cheerleaders, raping the principle, or giving truck drivers a bit of road head, Martha's ready to do whatever it takes to go Grambo!
Until the day her entire beloved family is slain by bloodthirsty school teachers when her grandson loses the crucial championship basketball game. Martha is left for dead, and with nothing left to live for.
But unlike other grannies, Martha's not going to take this massacre lying down! With the help of the Mascots, a race of living sports mascots, Martha trains to become vengeance on her family's murderers. Whether this means slaughtering cheerleaders, raping the principle, or giving truck drivers a bit of road head, Martha's ready to do whatever it takes to go Grambo!
- GenresBizarro FictionHorror
104 pages, Paperback
First published October 20, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
June 3, 2014
Dustin. Reade. Dustin Reade.
What a cool-sexy name that is, ya know? What’s more, that name is even cool-sounding when you turn it into a portmanteau. Check this out: Dustin + Reade = Dreade.
Dreade. That’s pretty sweet, huh? Sorta mystical sounding, no? Or maybe I’m just thinking that because it sounds a little bit like “Druid.”
Let’s see what happens when we portmanteau my name: Douglas + Hackle = Dackle. Dackle!—that sounds like the name of some absurd platypus or something.
Man, I wish my name was fuckin’ Dustin Reade!
Anyhow, speaking of portmanteaus, the title of this book happens to by one. Dustin Reade’s debut novella Grambo is a short, fast-paced, action-packed, gory, trashy, and darkly humorous little book. Grambo tells the story of Martha, a little ol’ granny left for dead after her family is slaughtered by a group of crazy, dickface teachers. Martha survives the gruesome attack, is taken in by a race of sports team mascots, and trains to become a warrior so that she can eventually dole out some serious whoop-ass on those teachers.
Much of the humor in the book comes in the form of the juxtaposition of the sweet and the innocent with the gory and the crass; because through all the truck stop blowjobs, debrainings, and reverse rapes, etc. Martha never loses sight of what she is: a sweet little granny. As such, her character arc doesn’t change throughout the story, simply because it doesn’t need too. The only thing that changes about her is her ability to fuck some shit up.
I’ve read and enjoyed a number of Reade’s short stories online, so it pleases me to say that his first published longer work did not disappoint. A solid debut.
What a cool-sexy name that is, ya know? What’s more, that name is even cool-sounding when you turn it into a portmanteau. Check this out: Dustin + Reade = Dreade.
Dreade. That’s pretty sweet, huh? Sorta mystical sounding, no? Or maybe I’m just thinking that because it sounds a little bit like “Druid.”
Let’s see what happens when we portmanteau my name: Douglas + Hackle = Dackle. Dackle!—that sounds like the name of some absurd platypus or something.
Man, I wish my name was fuckin’ Dustin Reade!
Anyhow, speaking of portmanteaus, the title of this book happens to by one. Dustin Reade’s debut novella Grambo is a short, fast-paced, action-packed, gory, trashy, and darkly humorous little book. Grambo tells the story of Martha, a little ol’ granny left for dead after her family is slaughtered by a group of crazy, dickface teachers. Martha survives the gruesome attack, is taken in by a race of sports team mascots, and trains to become a warrior so that she can eventually dole out some serious whoop-ass on those teachers.
Much of the humor in the book comes in the form of the juxtaposition of the sweet and the innocent with the gory and the crass; because through all the truck stop blowjobs, debrainings, and reverse rapes, etc. Martha never loses sight of what she is: a sweet little granny. As such, her character arc doesn’t change throughout the story, simply because it doesn’t need too. The only thing that changes about her is her ability to fuck some shit up.
I’ve read and enjoyed a number of Reade’s short stories online, so it pleases me to say that his first published longer work did not disappoint. A solid debut.
March 4, 2014
Okay where do I start? From the beginning I guess. Martha is a sweet old granny who loves God and her family, especially those grandkids. But when her grandson is responsible for his high school basketball team losing the big game, well.....shit gets ugly. When all that Martha loves is brutally stripped from her, she is rescued by an unlikely band of misfits who seem to have it in for the school administration as much as Martha does. From there it's a fun filled,, gore filled romp that reads quite quickly and is a minor commitment with satisfying payoff.
There is one scene in this book that is likely to make you regurgitate. Think "87 and Still Bangin'" starring Ron Jeremy. Actually don't think that. And if you have seen that, form a support group with me.
There is one scene in this book that is likely to make you regurgitate. Think "87 and Still Bangin'" starring Ron Jeremy. Actually don't think that. And if you have seen that, form a support group with me.
December 2, 2013
The New Bizarro Authors Series is always interesting. It provides a testing ground for new voices in fiction and new styles that we may not have seen before. It's often a breath of fresh air in the world of fiction writing.
Grambo by Dustin Reade is one such entry in this year's NBAS. By the title and the cover, most will probably already know what the main theme of the book is, but there are enough unique elements that make this book worth a read.
The book starts with Martha covered in the blood of her enemies, then we flashback to how she got there. Yes, the entire book is one long flashback sequence. After Martha's grandson costs his school their chance to go to the championship basketball game and a trip to the Supermall, the school's faculty violently takes out their frustration on the entire family, but mistakenly leave Martha alive. After she is rescued by a mascot (that takes more explaining than I'm going to go into here), she begins recovering and train in martial arts and weapons to take her revenge on the faculty that killed her family.
The book is funny in a very self-aware kind of way. While it is very bloody and violent, it's also done in a strange tongue-in-cheek kind of way. This is especially apparent when we get a training montage in the middle of the book. Yes, an actually movie style montage in writing. The author never loses site of the humor, even if it turns dark at times, and keeps the book self-aware that what we're reading is rather silly, and that makes it work in a special way.
Now, being a fan of action movies and having seen all the “Rambo” films, I could be an internet troll and nitpick here that there isn't that much in common with the actually films. But that's unfair. It's probably got more in common with “Death Wish” or even “Kill Bill,” but you try and find a punny title that works with those. Martha is not a Vietnam vet who's being run out of town or on a rescue mission or in isolation and bitter at the world. It's pure revenge fantasy.
The plot is not the steadiest thing in the world. It does feel at times like it has a bit of a stop and start motion to it. It's not necessarily bad, as a breather from bloody, violent action is needed at times, but at the same time it's occasionally a little unsteady, and the ending is almost diabetically sweet in contrast to the rest of the book, but it needed a good end for a main character that, despite the arguably justifiable violence she perpetrated in her quest for revenge, still remains likable and endearing.
From a technical standpoint, the book is well edited, with very few flaws. I hate to point this out in a lot of my reviews, but it's a sticking point for me, and I feel it's worth noting. So I'm pleased to say that there's very little in the way of writing or editing flaws to pull the reader off the page. A plus for the author and the editor.
Grambo is a loving tongue-in-cheek tribute to action and revenge films, with well-drawn, focused characters. While the violence is extreme and over-the-top, it's never inappropriately so. That sounds kind of strange, but when reading the book, you understand that the violence fits the theme perfectly. While the plot is occasionally a little jerky, it's never overly so, and on the whole, this book makes for a fun read.
Grambo by Dustin Reade earns 4 ninja throwing stars out of 5.
Grambo by Dustin Reade is one such entry in this year's NBAS. By the title and the cover, most will probably already know what the main theme of the book is, but there are enough unique elements that make this book worth a read.
The book starts with Martha covered in the blood of her enemies, then we flashback to how she got there. Yes, the entire book is one long flashback sequence. After Martha's grandson costs his school their chance to go to the championship basketball game and a trip to the Supermall, the school's faculty violently takes out their frustration on the entire family, but mistakenly leave Martha alive. After she is rescued by a mascot (that takes more explaining than I'm going to go into here), she begins recovering and train in martial arts and weapons to take her revenge on the faculty that killed her family.
The book is funny in a very self-aware kind of way. While it is very bloody and violent, it's also done in a strange tongue-in-cheek kind of way. This is especially apparent when we get a training montage in the middle of the book. Yes, an actually movie style montage in writing. The author never loses site of the humor, even if it turns dark at times, and keeps the book self-aware that what we're reading is rather silly, and that makes it work in a special way.
Now, being a fan of action movies and having seen all the “Rambo” films, I could be an internet troll and nitpick here that there isn't that much in common with the actually films. But that's unfair. It's probably got more in common with “Death Wish” or even “Kill Bill,” but you try and find a punny title that works with those. Martha is not a Vietnam vet who's being run out of town or on a rescue mission or in isolation and bitter at the world. It's pure revenge fantasy.
The plot is not the steadiest thing in the world. It does feel at times like it has a bit of a stop and start motion to it. It's not necessarily bad, as a breather from bloody, violent action is needed at times, but at the same time it's occasionally a little unsteady, and the ending is almost diabetically sweet in contrast to the rest of the book, but it needed a good end for a main character that, despite the arguably justifiable violence she perpetrated in her quest for revenge, still remains likable and endearing.
From a technical standpoint, the book is well edited, with very few flaws. I hate to point this out in a lot of my reviews, but it's a sticking point for me, and I feel it's worth noting. So I'm pleased to say that there's very little in the way of writing or editing flaws to pull the reader off the page. A plus for the author and the editor.
Grambo is a loving tongue-in-cheek tribute to action and revenge films, with well-drawn, focused characters. While the violence is extreme and over-the-top, it's never inappropriately so. That sounds kind of strange, but when reading the book, you understand that the violence fits the theme perfectly. While the plot is occasionally a little jerky, it's never overly so, and on the whole, this book makes for a fun read.
Grambo by Dustin Reade earns 4 ninja throwing stars out of 5.
November 24, 2013
Grambo is great! Essentially, if you do not want to read this book from the title alone, something is wrong. It's your sweet grandmother meets Rambo (to be honest, I'm not a fan of Rambo, but this book is much better). But if you do want to read this book from the title, know that the title is just the beginning... The book somehow gets so much better as the pages progress. Grambo and her gang of Sport Mascots go to war against Principle Mayonnaise and his teachers/beloved cheerleaders, who have slain Grambo's family.
But if that is not enough, Dustin also uses clever ways to help the reader picture what is going on. For instance, one of the (short) chapters is titled Montage, which is a collection of scenes depicting the action of the chapter, some scenes are told in slow motion and others in black and white.
With that said, this book is definitely not perfect. There are many instances where Dustin uses parking lot words/phrases, which distracted me from what was happening. And at times I felt like the characters and narrator would repeat the same thing. At some points, this is done purposefully and is comedic. However, at other points it feels that the author didn't mean for this to happen.
But, that is a minor issue. Overall, this book had me laughing out loud and smiling pretty much all the way through. A fabulous first book and I can't wait to read anything Dustin will write in the future.
But if that is not enough, Dustin also uses clever ways to help the reader picture what is going on. For instance, one of the (short) chapters is titled Montage, which is a collection of scenes depicting the action of the chapter, some scenes are told in slow motion and others in black and white.
With that said, this book is definitely not perfect. There are many instances where Dustin uses parking lot words/phrases, which distracted me from what was happening. And at times I felt like the characters and narrator would repeat the same thing. At some points, this is done purposefully and is comedic. However, at other points it feels that the author didn't mean for this to happen.
But, that is a minor issue. Overall, this book had me laughing out loud and smiling pretty much all the way through. A fabulous first book and I can't wait to read anything Dustin will write in the future.
June 13, 2014
When I first heard about the 2013 releases for the New Bizarro Author Series I looked at the list of titles and I was all like, “Grambo? WTF? There is NO WAY I’m going to like a book called Grambo!”
I’m dowsing my words in maple syrup right now as I prepare to eat them. This may be favorite NBAS book this year. So if you are having a hard time taking the title seriously, like I did, just set those reservations aside.
I’ll spare you the plot synopsis. That’s what the back of the book is for. All you need to know is that Grambo spoofs both Rambo-style revenge and high school comedy and has some truly weird moments. When I read a book from a new writer published by Eraserhead, this is pretty much what I’m expecting (in a satisfying way, not a trite way). It’s fun, funny, ludicrously violent, weird, and brief.
And yes, as a first book, it’s clumsy in parts and some of the conflict seems a bit forced, but that really didn’t bother me. The story of this grandmother bent on revenge, aided by a race of Mascots, is too action packed and readable to stop and quibble over the small stuff. And yeah, it probably should have been a little longer to give some of the plot points time to really settle, but thus is the fate of the initial Bizarro novella: it gotta be short, yo. And anyway, how long can teachers fire flaming basketballs at an old lady before that wears thin anyway? It’s better that Grambo was a little on the rushed side than drawn out for the sake of word count (we, all of us, have seen these inexplicable, ineffable, unexplained attempts by wordsmiths to prolong their, for lack of a better phrase, rather simplistic patter, and, alas, we shan’t be seeing the end of this sentence anytime soon, for the point must be belabored to hammer home a universal and unwritten truth: sometimes sh!t just goes on way to long and that sucks, no other way to say it).
Grambo doesn’t go on way to long. It unloads a gun full of fun right into your face and then it’s gone, like a some weirdo who sneaks into your room while you sleep to unload right in your face and then disappear back into the night.
I’m dowsing my words in maple syrup right now as I prepare to eat them. This may be favorite NBAS book this year. So if you are having a hard time taking the title seriously, like I did, just set those reservations aside.
I’ll spare you the plot synopsis. That’s what the back of the book is for. All you need to know is that Grambo spoofs both Rambo-style revenge and high school comedy and has some truly weird moments. When I read a book from a new writer published by Eraserhead, this is pretty much what I’m expecting (in a satisfying way, not a trite way). It’s fun, funny, ludicrously violent, weird, and brief.
And yes, as a first book, it’s clumsy in parts and some of the conflict seems a bit forced, but that really didn’t bother me. The story of this grandmother bent on revenge, aided by a race of Mascots, is too action packed and readable to stop and quibble over the small stuff. And yeah, it probably should have been a little longer to give some of the plot points time to really settle, but thus is the fate of the initial Bizarro novella: it gotta be short, yo. And anyway, how long can teachers fire flaming basketballs at an old lady before that wears thin anyway? It’s better that Grambo was a little on the rushed side than drawn out for the sake of word count (we, all of us, have seen these inexplicable, ineffable, unexplained attempts by wordsmiths to prolong their, for lack of a better phrase, rather simplistic patter, and, alas, we shan’t be seeing the end of this sentence anytime soon, for the point must be belabored to hammer home a universal and unwritten truth: sometimes sh!t just goes on way to long and that sucks, no other way to say it).
Grambo doesn’t go on way to long. It unloads a gun full of fun right into your face and then it’s gone, like a some weirdo who sneaks into your room while you sleep to unload right in your face and then disappear back into the night.
July 24, 2014
I am not a huge fan of gore...violence, deaths of loved ones, etc. However, I am familiar with this author and I trusted him to make it worth my while. Not only did he deliver with gut wrenching torture scenes, disturbing reverse rape, and eloquently descriptive brawls practically dripping with visceral goo, but I tell you, I have never looked forward to human dismemberment so much in my life.
Besides the humor, engaging plot, and Reade's amazing gift for story telling, he has a way of making you care. He is able to take a story about a revenge obsessed geriatric, involving living mascots with removable heads, skin peeling, cum smearing, child killing, and everything in between, and he forces you to care. He takes your face, rubs it in shit, kicks you in the gut, and punches your puppy... then he helps you up, wipes your face with his own sleeve, and gives you a cookie. It's that kind of book. Your stomach still hurts a little, and your puppy's a little sad, but the cookie is your favorite kind and you feel ok with that.
Besides the humor, engaging plot, and Reade's amazing gift for story telling, he has a way of making you care. He is able to take a story about a revenge obsessed geriatric, involving living mascots with removable heads, skin peeling, cum smearing, child killing, and everything in between, and he forces you to care. He takes your face, rubs it in shit, kicks you in the gut, and punches your puppy... then he helps you up, wipes your face with his own sleeve, and gives you a cookie. It's that kind of book. Your stomach still hurts a little, and your puppy's a little sad, but the cookie is your favorite kind and you feel ok with that.
January 1, 2014
I would really rather have Martha as my grandma. She cares about her family so much, that when they are all brutally, horrifically murdered by a bunch of teachers, she takes revenge.
Well, okay....she wakes up in hospital and gets wheeled out by a man who looks like a horse mascot. He takes her the mascot farm, where she learns to be the ass kicking revenge machine of the title.
You know what my grandma is? A 90 year old, tiny Chinese woman who talks really loudly and complains a lot. "JOHN YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST! JOHN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! JOOOOHN!" Hmph.
Well, okay....she wakes up in hospital and gets wheeled out by a man who looks like a horse mascot. He takes her the mascot farm, where she learns to be the ass kicking revenge machine of the title.
You know what my grandma is? A 90 year old, tiny Chinese woman who talks really loudly and complains a lot. "JOHN YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST! JOHN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! JOOOOHN!" Hmph.
November 27, 2013
CLICK HERE TO SEE MY REVIEW OF GRAMBO AND AN INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR DUSTIN READE:
http://danielvlasaty.tumblr.com/post/...
http://danielvlasaty.tumblr.com/post/...
September 23, 2014
The only reason this book didn't get 5 stars is because it was so short. I know the NBAS are always novella length, but this one only took me about half and hour to read (if that), and it left me wanting more Martha!!!
The basic premise is that a granny's heart is broken as she watches her grandson become a laughingstock at his high school. But the whole 'pick on Charlie' fad quickly becomes murderously dangerous. As in, the staff of the school, along with the cheerleaders and glee club, decide a suitable punishment for Charlie fucking up the basketball game is a mass execution of his family in the most sinister and sick ways possible. Like so demented not even a nazi would do some of the stuff Mr Mayonnaise (the principal) comes up with. Martha arrives at the family home just in time to see her family massacred. She survives the horrible attack, but just barely, and only with the help of a mascot named Musty the Mustang.
Martha joins up with the mascots (whose suits are actually attached to their body), and together they train to exact their revenge on the evil principal and his minions. Its absolutely brilliant watching Martha's transformation from an old, hobbling granny to an ass-kicking, ninja star wielding, reverse raping Grambo! The 'montage' chapter is the best! Yep, that's right...this book has a montage! It just doesn't get much better than that.
As for the whole writing thing, well, Reade nails it. I haven't read any of his other work, but this was one hell of a fun ride! As I mentioned above, it was a bit short for my taste, especially since there were 20 or so chapter breaks, which made it seem even shorter. But now I sound like a confused weird-o, because normally I like my chapters short and easily digestible. ARGHHH...I don't know! Bottom line, Reade is one funny fucker, and this book is a great way to add some comic relief to your life. I didn't notice any typos, and Reade doesn't come off as pretentious and dickish like some newer authors do. He simply wrote a very funny story, and you should read it. Yeah, it has some vulgarity in it (as I saw the only one star rating complained of), but what the hell else would you expect from a book called Grambo?
Let me just put it this way...this book is a WAY better way to spend an hour than watching some shitty reality show. So skip the TV and pick this book up!
The basic premise is that a granny's heart is broken as she watches her grandson become a laughingstock at his high school. But the whole 'pick on Charlie' fad quickly becomes murderously dangerous. As in, the staff of the school, along with the cheerleaders and glee club, decide a suitable punishment for Charlie fucking up the basketball game is a mass execution of his family in the most sinister and sick ways possible. Like so demented not even a nazi would do some of the stuff Mr Mayonnaise (the principal) comes up with. Martha arrives at the family home just in time to see her family massacred. She survives the horrible attack, but just barely, and only with the help of a mascot named Musty the Mustang.
Martha joins up with the mascots (whose suits are actually attached to their body), and together they train to exact their revenge on the evil principal and his minions. Its absolutely brilliant watching Martha's transformation from an old, hobbling granny to an ass-kicking, ninja star wielding, reverse raping Grambo! The 'montage' chapter is the best! Yep, that's right...this book has a montage! It just doesn't get much better than that.
As for the whole writing thing, well, Reade nails it. I haven't read any of his other work, but this was one hell of a fun ride! As I mentioned above, it was a bit short for my taste, especially since there were 20 or so chapter breaks, which made it seem even shorter. But now I sound like a confused weird-o, because normally I like my chapters short and easily digestible. ARGHHH...I don't know! Bottom line, Reade is one funny fucker, and this book is a great way to add some comic relief to your life. I didn't notice any typos, and Reade doesn't come off as pretentious and dickish like some newer authors do. He simply wrote a very funny story, and you should read it. Yeah, it has some vulgarity in it (as I saw the only one star rating complained of), but what the hell else would you expect from a book called Grambo?
Let me just put it this way...this book is a WAY better way to spend an hour than watching some shitty reality show. So skip the TV and pick this book up!
November 30, 2013
Grambo is the debut bizarro novella from Dustin Reade who is the editor of the Mustache Factor and a snazzy dresser to boot.
The book starts off with Martha aka Grambo, a sweet ass grandmother, covered in the blood of her enemies and we flashback to much simpler times where she dreamed of nothing more than going to the Supermall in Tacoma, Wash. There’s a big basketball game and her grandson ends up costing the team the championship. The high school’s malevolent faculty violently murders Martha’s family and she barely survives thanks to the peaceful yet deadly race of mascots.
Grambo trains on the mascot ranch to become a badass and will stop at nothing to get her revenge.
This novella is hilarious especially the montage chapter which I’m sure any fan of Sylvester Stallone movies will fall in love with. Grambo overflows with over-the-top violence and black humor, but Reade anchors the plot in the serious aftermath of the family’s brutal death. You really feel for Grambo and her plight making her revenge all that much sweeter.
Grambo is a slick and sleazy, ultra-violent novella with just enough humor sprinkled in to keep the plot from reeling out of control. I can’t wait to read whatever Reade whips up next. Consider me a fan.
The book starts off with Martha aka Grambo, a sweet ass grandmother, covered in the blood of her enemies and we flashback to much simpler times where she dreamed of nothing more than going to the Supermall in Tacoma, Wash. There’s a big basketball game and her grandson ends up costing the team the championship. The high school’s malevolent faculty violently murders Martha’s family and she barely survives thanks to the peaceful yet deadly race of mascots.
Grambo trains on the mascot ranch to become a badass and will stop at nothing to get her revenge.
This novella is hilarious especially the montage chapter which I’m sure any fan of Sylvester Stallone movies will fall in love with. Grambo overflows with over-the-top violence and black humor, but Reade anchors the plot in the serious aftermath of the family’s brutal death. You really feel for Grambo and her plight making her revenge all that much sweeter.
Grambo is a slick and sleazy, ultra-violent novella with just enough humor sprinkled in to keep the plot from reeling out of control. I can’t wait to read whatever Reade whips up next. Consider me a fan.
October 7, 2014
This book is about a little old lady named Martha and her quest for revenge.
After losing a big high-school basketball game, Martha's grandson Charlie is blamed by the faculty. As a result, Charlie and his family are attacked and killed by the teachers, led by the evil principal Mr. Mayonnaise. Martha is injured in this attack, but she's saved by the Mascots, intelligent animals modeled mascots for famous sports teams. In the Mascots's farm, Martha trains to became a lethal weapon and to exact vengeance on the people who killed her family.
This book is filthy and entertaining. And funny. Oh man, it is funny. Like "laughing out loud" funny. And it has all of the characteristics of a great Bizarro story: Violence, sex (yes... sex), gore, and funny moments.
A must read for all Bizarro fans, and a nice jumping point for someone looking to get into the Bizarro genre.
After losing a big high-school basketball game, Martha's grandson Charlie is blamed by the faculty. As a result, Charlie and his family are attacked and killed by the teachers, led by the evil principal Mr. Mayonnaise. Martha is injured in this attack, but she's saved by the Mascots, intelligent animals modeled mascots for famous sports teams. In the Mascots's farm, Martha trains to became a lethal weapon and to exact vengeance on the people who killed her family.
This book is filthy and entertaining. And funny. Oh man, it is funny. Like "laughing out loud" funny. And it has all of the characteristics of a great Bizarro story: Violence, sex (yes... sex), gore, and funny moments.
A must read for all Bizarro fans, and a nice jumping point for someone looking to get into the Bizarro genre.
March 17, 2014
Id Says:
EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh…! What’s that, sonny? Martha’s like most any other old fuck. She likes church, shopping malls, and drives out into the country with her grandchildren. She’s kind and generous and all that other shit that make old grannies your favorite kind of cheek-pinching person. One can always find her at her grandson’s basketball games, rooting for the home team fuzzy shapes on the court her eyes sometimes have trouble seeing.
Martha doesn’t realize her grandson’s school is run by the most nefarious bastards to ever grade a term paper. The teachers are nothing but gangbangers with diplomas, and the principle is an outright pedophile, sticking his dick into anything that cheers with pom-poms.
When the grandson fucks up during a big game and loses it for the school, the faculty take matters into their own hands. Martha gets a call from the grandson and hightails it over to the family home just in time to watch them murdered and set on fire. The dickheads beat the shit out of granny, too, and leave her for dead.
But granny didn’t die. The old crank is still as rascally as ever and she wants revenge!
Ego Says:
Populating Martha’s Pacific Northwest surroundings is a supporting cast I placed into two categories, either opposing or aiding her. There are no middle ground characters here, everyone has a stake in grandma’s quest for vengeance.
On the opposing team, I really like the all-encompassing evil that is the school principle, Mr. Mayonnaise. There is not a single thread of decency in the man. He is the uber-douche I just wanted to die a thousand deaths. His henchpeople, the teachers under him, are a motley crew to say the least. Mr. Fust is frustrated and angry, but essentially all bark and no bite. Ms. Webber has more brains about her, and seems more chilling with her ability to torture innocents indifferently.
Rooting for Martha are the mascots. Yes, those mascots. The ones dancing around in ill-fitted suits making total asses of themselves while supposedly boosting team pride, except these mascots aren’t made, rather they are born. I think they’re my favorite characters in the book, because they’re such a fun take on a common role. They aren’t people in suits, they’re actually living creatures. When Musty pulls his horse head off to reveal a balding man head underneath, the skin tears off from his bleeding neck, because the horse is the real him and the human head is to his body what our skulls are to ours. Don’t worry, his head will grow back.
Super-Ego Says:
If it were not for all the gratuitous violence and sex, this could almost be a children’s story. Not only is there something wholesome and childlike about our grandmother’s journey, but the way Mr. Reade approaches the story is rather innocent like.
Not to say there are not touches of the absurd that would go over a child’s head, such as a chapter calling to mind a certain greaser play or one that reads like your favorite action movie montage scene (which this part of the reviewer’s brain recommends reading to some classic power metal). The comedy bits really helps break up the action bits, and when the two combine at times throughout the book you will find yourself excited and laughing simultaneously. A most enjoyable experience.
By keeping the middle section clear and steadfast, the author is able to really flesh out the meatiest parts of the book, that of the first act’s truly horrific scenes of Martha’s world brought to the edge of oblivion and the third act’s extremely satisfying battle finale. All of this is pulled off in a read that is less time than watching the original Rambo trilogy. Good show.
The delicate handling of the carnage, the absurdness, and the sweetness is no easy task. This book maintains all three without ever going overboard in any one direction. A difficult feat, and one so well pulled off that I am eager to see what comes next from this author’s pen.
EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh…! What’s that, sonny? Martha’s like most any other old fuck. She likes church, shopping malls, and drives out into the country with her grandchildren. She’s kind and generous and all that other shit that make old grannies your favorite kind of cheek-pinching person. One can always find her at her grandson’s basketball games, rooting for the home team fuzzy shapes on the court her eyes sometimes have trouble seeing.
Martha doesn’t realize her grandson’s school is run by the most nefarious bastards to ever grade a term paper. The teachers are nothing but gangbangers with diplomas, and the principle is an outright pedophile, sticking his dick into anything that cheers with pom-poms.
When the grandson fucks up during a big game and loses it for the school, the faculty take matters into their own hands. Martha gets a call from the grandson and hightails it over to the family home just in time to watch them murdered and set on fire. The dickheads beat the shit out of granny, too, and leave her for dead.
But granny didn’t die. The old crank is still as rascally as ever and she wants revenge!
Ego Says:
Populating Martha’s Pacific Northwest surroundings is a supporting cast I placed into two categories, either opposing or aiding her. There are no middle ground characters here, everyone has a stake in grandma’s quest for vengeance.
On the opposing team, I really like the all-encompassing evil that is the school principle, Mr. Mayonnaise. There is not a single thread of decency in the man. He is the uber-douche I just wanted to die a thousand deaths. His henchpeople, the teachers under him, are a motley crew to say the least. Mr. Fust is frustrated and angry, but essentially all bark and no bite. Ms. Webber has more brains about her, and seems more chilling with her ability to torture innocents indifferently.
Rooting for Martha are the mascots. Yes, those mascots. The ones dancing around in ill-fitted suits making total asses of themselves while supposedly boosting team pride, except these mascots aren’t made, rather they are born. I think they’re my favorite characters in the book, because they’re such a fun take on a common role. They aren’t people in suits, they’re actually living creatures. When Musty pulls his horse head off to reveal a balding man head underneath, the skin tears off from his bleeding neck, because the horse is the real him and the human head is to his body what our skulls are to ours. Don’t worry, his head will grow back.
Super-Ego Says:
If it were not for all the gratuitous violence and sex, this could almost be a children’s story. Not only is there something wholesome and childlike about our grandmother’s journey, but the way Mr. Reade approaches the story is rather innocent like.
Not to say there are not touches of the absurd that would go over a child’s head, such as a chapter calling to mind a certain greaser play or one that reads like your favorite action movie montage scene (which this part of the reviewer’s brain recommends reading to some classic power metal). The comedy bits really helps break up the action bits, and when the two combine at times throughout the book you will find yourself excited and laughing simultaneously. A most enjoyable experience.
By keeping the middle section clear and steadfast, the author is able to really flesh out the meatiest parts of the book, that of the first act’s truly horrific scenes of Martha’s world brought to the edge of oblivion and the third act’s extremely satisfying battle finale. All of this is pulled off in a read that is less time than watching the original Rambo trilogy. Good show.
The delicate handling of the carnage, the absurdness, and the sweetness is no easy task. This book maintains all three without ever going overboard in any one direction. A difficult feat, and one so well pulled off that I am eager to see what comes next from this author’s pen.
June 5, 2014
Reade's got the chops to get me grinning and then the pull the rug right from under my scuffed feet with some kind of shocking violence that warps that grins into a pleasurable grimace. This book successfully blends the bizarre with the believable. I found the main character, Martha, to be well fleshed out on the page. She has something to fight for and I couldn't help rooting for her all the way. The inciting incident that sparks her vengeance is BRUTAL. Reade also knows how to craft villains. The villain, Mr. Mayonnaise, is a dirty, dirty man who gets what he deserves and, judging by the RAMBO-influenced title, let's just say his justice is dealt with a fist and then some. I've only ever read Reade's short work, which I greatly enjoyed and look forward to more long-form work in the years to come. He's funny and smart with the skill to craft a tight tale that both delights and subverts. Thank you.
September 15, 2014
Book title sums this story up perfectly. Sometimes titles have very little to do with the story which for me makes them easily forgettable. I wont be forgetting this one!
Really liked it.
Really liked it.
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