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The Art of Conversation: Change Your Life with Confident Communication
Good conversation is at the heart of networking, meetings, interviews, negotiations and raising your profile. It can ease your way in work, enabling you to build alliances, create strong relationships with staff, bosses and clients, succeed at interviews, motivate and inspire. But conversation is something most of us were never taught! We learn to speak as babies, but how conversation actually works is something most of us pick up only haphazardly, and many have yet to learn. Why is it some of us are stuck for words, but others blabber or can’t stop? What is it that some people have naturally which enables them to converse comfortably and easily, to engage people and build better relationships? The Art of Conversation will show you step by step how to converse skillfully and enjoyably with other people, at home, at work, on the phone and in the street- even if you’re daunted now, discover the difference good conversation can make in every aspect of your life. Learn -Overcome the most common block to good conversation- fear; find out how to break the silence and keep the conversation going - Understand the different types of conversation and how they work- which topics and language are suitable for the occasion - Learn simple methods for being heard and understood, including speaking clearly and audibly, listening well and using non-verbal communication - Find out how to hold a conversation in tricky situations, including how to disagree, how to speak to those in authority and people you find difficult -Use conversation to form relationships, improve friendships, make the sale, chat people up, to learn, influence and persuade.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2014
168 people are currently reading
1038 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
July 11, 2019
I won't dismiss this book entirely because I have taken some key points from the book to use. My biggest issue was the idea of the book is spread everywhere, points are either touched slightly or almost forgotten. I felt something was missing but it's great to know I wasn't the only one. The reviews are mixed here and I can easily sum it up here, there isn't a strong focus in the book. The author uses a lot of her own stories and just adds little quirks to explain something in two sentences. I liked the concept but disliked the execution.
October 24, 2017
كتاب بسيط في طرحه قد لا يرتقي بالمثقف، لأن أغلب محتوياته لا تشكل للقارئ معرفة جديدة أو إضافة لها قيمة إذا لم تُمارس فعليا.
يهدف هذا الكتاب إلى بناء التواصل أثناء المحادثة ونجاحها، وليس كما يظن البعض استعراض ما يمتلك من معارف وخبرات.
فيما يلي بعض الأمور المستفادة:
- للتواصل الفعال عليك بالتوافق والتناغم والمرونه والحالة المزاجية والأرضية المشتركة بينك وبين من تقوم بمحادثته، زد على ذلك امتلاكك لمهارة الإنصات أروع هدية تقدمها للطرف الآخر.
- من مفاتيح المحادثة كسر حاجز الصمت عن طريق تعليق مفيد أو سؤال بسيط تقدمه للشخص الآخر كدعوة للتحدث معه.
- امنح الإجابات روحا كي تنساب المحادثة بينكم، هناك بعض الردود التي تدق في نعش المحادثة مثلا؛ عندما تتلقى سؤالا "هل أتيت إلى هنا من قبل؟" فيكون الرد القاتل للمحادثة بكلمة مجردة مثل "لا" أو "نعم" بمفردها بينما الأفضل على سبيل المثال الإجابة ب " لا، لم آت " ، ممكن القول الكلمة المجردة عبارة عن إجابة مقتضبة.
- ستتعرف على نماذج مختلفة من المحادثة كمحادثة الأشياء، الأفعال، العقل، القلب، الأفكار وغيرها، كل نوع له سمات واستخدامات مع كيفية الإنتقال من نوع إلى آخر، حتى تصل إلى النتائج التي تريدها من تلك المهارة.
وفقا لما سبق فقد جربت أن أبتعد بضع دقائق عن المناقشات في اجتماعات العمل وقضيتها منصتا إلى المحادثات، ذلك كي ألاحظ أنواع المحادثة وكيفية الإنتقال إلى نوع آخر، والتأثيرات المختلفة التي قد تساعد أو تعوق المحادثة بين الطرفين، أحيانا يكون الموضوع رسمي فنستخدم فيه محادثة العقل والآخر عاطفي فتشارك غيرك محادثة القلب والمشاعر، وقد يتعلق الحوار بشيء من سيرة المتحدث وتجاربه الشخصية وهو ما ينقلنا إلى حديث الذات، والذكي من يستغل ذلك لصالحه.
من جهة أخرى، قد تكون الكلمات المستخدمة في المحادثة تمثل الهيكل السطحي بينما المعنى المراد عميقا، واللبيب بالإشارة يفهم.
في الختام .. كتاب فن المحادثة سهل الممارسة في حياتنا اليومية عندما نجريها مع أشخاص مختلفين ومستويات حوار متنوعة.
كتاب بسيط في طرحه قد لا يرتقي بالمثقف، لأن أغلب محتوياته لا تشكل للقارئ معرفة جديدة أو إضافة لها قيمة إذا لم تُمارس فعليا.
يهدف هذا الكتاب إلى بناء التواصل أثناء المحادثة ونجاحها، وليس كما يظن البعض استعراض ما يمتلك من معارف وخبرات.
فيما يلي بعض الأمور المستفادة:
- للتواصل الفعال عليك بالتوافق والتناغم والمرونه والحالة المزاجية والأرضية المشتركة بينك وبين من تقوم بمحادثته، زد على ذلك امتلاكك لمهارة الإنصات أروع هدية تقدمها للطرف الآخر.
- من مفاتيح المحادثة كسر حاجز الصمت عن طريق تعليق مفيد أو سؤال بسيط تقدمه للشخص الآخر كدعوة للتحدث معه.
- امنح الإجابات روحا كي تنساب المحادثة بينكم، هناك بعض الردود التي تدق في نعش المحادثة مثلا؛ عندما تتلقى سؤالا "هل أتيت إلى هنا من قبل؟" فيكون الرد القاتل للمحادثة بكلمة مجردة مثل "لا" أو "نعم" بمفردها بينما الأفضل على سبيل المثال الإجابة ب " لا، لم آت " ، ممكن القول الكلمة المجردة عبارة عن إجابة مقتضبة.
- ستتعرف على نماذج مختلفة من المحادثة كمحادثة الأشياء، الأفعال، العقل، القلب، الأفكار وغيرها، كل نوع له سمات واستخدامات مع كيفية الإنتقال من نوع إلى آخر، حتى تصل إلى النتائج التي تريدها من تلك المهارة.
وفقا لما سبق فقد جربت أن أبتعد بضع دقائق عن المناقشات في اجتماعات العمل وقضيتها منصتا إلى المحادثات، ذلك كي ألاحظ أنواع المحادثة وكيفية الإنتقال إلى نوع آخر، والتأثيرات المختلفة التي قد تساعد أو تعوق المحادثة بين الطرفين، أحيانا يكون الموضوع رسمي فنستخدم فيه محادثة العقل والآخر عاطفي فتشارك غيرك محادثة القلب والمشاعر، وقد يتعلق الحوار بشيء من سيرة المتحدث وتجاربه الشخصية وهو ما ينقلنا إلى حديث الذات، والذكي من يستغل ذلك لصالحه.
من جهة أخرى، قد تكون الكلمات المستخدمة في المحادثة تمثل الهيكل السطحي بينما المعنى المراد عميقا، واللبيب بالإشارة يفهم.
في الختام .. كتاب فن المحادثة سهل الممارسة في حياتنا اليومية عندما نجريها مع أشخاص مختلفين ومستويات حوار متنوعة.
March 21, 2018
A good short read about something a lot of us do, but very few do well. You cannot learn about what you think you already know.
Conversations are about content and connection. But always about connection.
Enthusiasm alone is no guarantee of a good conversation.
Mutual moaning doesn't lead to real connection.
Learn how to end conversations that you don't want to drag on. Especially over the phone. Wrap it up, say what you're going to do as a result of the convo (if applicable). Physically stand up.
Collect positive states. Recall moments where you feel joy, trust and flow. Curate them so they can be summoned at a moment's notice to adjust your mood.
Practice telling stories. Topics include something memorable you heard someone say, something you learnt that you found surprising, or something that made you smile.
Ask yourself how you know when you're listening properly, and what gets in the way of you doing so.
Such obstacles include:
Wanting to make sense too quickly of what's being said.
Wanting answers, and feeling uncomfortable with not knowing.
A desire to lead the situation.
Be clear with yourself own your own intentions for the conversations you're in.
When dealing with negative people, be careful not to discount their negative statement. Accept that they are expressing their truth, and gently influence the conversation towards the positive.
Levels of communication:
Thing talk (objects)
Action talk (personal actions)
Head talk (ideas, knowledge)
Heart talk (feelings)
Soul talk (identity)
Heart talk has to do with asking people what they care about, and them knowing you care about their answer.
"I feel that..." isn't heart talk, since you're expressing an opinion.
Voice principles to be understood:
Speak at a steady pace.
Open your mouth and articulate your consonants, especially the long sounds.
Emphasise the most important words in each sentence.
Vary your pitch.
"Hey you can't walk away, I'm angry with you and that means we have a relationship." - David Whyte
Assume success in difficult conversations. Assume positive (underlying) intent and the conversation should take on a positive direction.
When dealing with confrontation:
Acknowledge what you can, their right to their feelings and their personal set of values. And acknowledge to yourself that you can't know exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling or why they think and feel as they do.
____
Pointers from the re-read:
Speech is civilisation itself. The word, even the most contradictory word, preserves contact - it is silence which isolates.
In today's world there are many ways to learn, but it is often said that the best teaching is a conversation with an open channel between teacher and pupil.
Gossip builds consensus without trust, and as such does not forge true connection.
One of the great arts of conversation is to leave certain things unsaid at the most tempting moment.
Matching energy is not the same as matching a mood. When you match an angry person whose energy is high and strong, match their energy and speak your first few words strongly too so they know you are tuning in to their mood. But do not speak angrily yourself.
With movement, something to say will always come to you. Motion stimulates thought.
When you remain open and say what you are really thinking and feeling, other people feel they have permission to act similarly, and then the conversation becomes a genuine and satisfying one.
In conversation two fundamental assumptions support you.
-You are okay just the way you are. You are enough.
-Other people are to be trusted. You can think the best of other people and assume their best intentions.
Picking up clues takes curiosity and awareness. Picking up such personal clues is a risk. But on the whole people drop the mention of something personal into a discussion only when they are prepared to talk about it; and if you go gently it may lead you to an interesting discussion and the chance to get to know the other person better.
Interrupting by saying "Me too, wait till you hear about this..." may sound like an affirmation, but it's actually a coup.
Judgment often occurs when a conversation doesn't feel equal. If one person makes it clear that they have a superior role, an essential element of conversation is lost. It doesn't matter whether I am your boss, your elder, more educated or more privileged than you, true listening takes place in the context of equality.
Wit is one of the delights of head talk. Clever plays on words, jokes, banter and raillery all contribute to the to and fro of conversation, and often signal that people are comfortable enough to mock and tease each other. Without empathy, however, it can easily be misjudged, and often keeps people at a distance from each other.
Being vulnerable may come with the risk of being misunderstood or scorned or laughed at, but isn't there a bigger risk of losing out on real connection and closeness with others through closing off your feelings? The great thing about conversation is that you can go step by step, testing the waters as you go.
Seeing always requires us to see afresh as if for the first time.
To practice being concise, ask yourself a question and allow yourself to ramble as much as you like. Then marshall your thoughts and give a shorter version of your initial answer. Repeat until desired length/eloquence is achieved.
Naming what you perceive can often unblock a conversation that has got stuck. If one party is hiding a strong emotion, it's often useful to name what you notice without accusation. This can be especially useful if the other person is mocking, belittling, or being cynical or sarcastic.
Conversations are about content and connection. But always about connection.
Enthusiasm alone is no guarantee of a good conversation.
Mutual moaning doesn't lead to real connection.
Learn how to end conversations that you don't want to drag on. Especially over the phone. Wrap it up, say what you're going to do as a result of the convo (if applicable). Physically stand up.
Collect positive states. Recall moments where you feel joy, trust and flow. Curate them so they can be summoned at a moment's notice to adjust your mood.
Practice telling stories. Topics include something memorable you heard someone say, something you learnt that you found surprising, or something that made you smile.
Ask yourself how you know when you're listening properly, and what gets in the way of you doing so.
Such obstacles include:
Wanting to make sense too quickly of what's being said.
Wanting answers, and feeling uncomfortable with not knowing.
A desire to lead the situation.
Be clear with yourself own your own intentions for the conversations you're in.
When dealing with negative people, be careful not to discount their negative statement. Accept that they are expressing their truth, and gently influence the conversation towards the positive.
Levels of communication:
Thing talk (objects)
Action talk (personal actions)
Head talk (ideas, knowledge)
Heart talk (feelings)
Soul talk (identity)
Heart talk has to do with asking people what they care about, and them knowing you care about their answer.
"I feel that..." isn't heart talk, since you're expressing an opinion.
Voice principles to be understood:
Speak at a steady pace.
Open your mouth and articulate your consonants, especially the long sounds.
Emphasise the most important words in each sentence.
Vary your pitch.
"Hey you can't walk away, I'm angry with you and that means we have a relationship." - David Whyte
Assume success in difficult conversations. Assume positive (underlying) intent and the conversation should take on a positive direction.
When dealing with confrontation:
Acknowledge what you can, their right to their feelings and their personal set of values. And acknowledge to yourself that you can't know exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling or why they think and feel as they do.
____
Pointers from the re-read:
Speech is civilisation itself. The word, even the most contradictory word, preserves contact - it is silence which isolates.
In today's world there are many ways to learn, but it is often said that the best teaching is a conversation with an open channel between teacher and pupil.
Gossip builds consensus without trust, and as such does not forge true connection.
One of the great arts of conversation is to leave certain things unsaid at the most tempting moment.
Matching energy is not the same as matching a mood. When you match an angry person whose energy is high and strong, match their energy and speak your first few words strongly too so they know you are tuning in to their mood. But do not speak angrily yourself.
With movement, something to say will always come to you. Motion stimulates thought.
When you remain open and say what you are really thinking and feeling, other people feel they have permission to act similarly, and then the conversation becomes a genuine and satisfying one.
In conversation two fundamental assumptions support you.
-You are okay just the way you are. You are enough.
-Other people are to be trusted. You can think the best of other people and assume their best intentions.
Picking up clues takes curiosity and awareness. Picking up such personal clues is a risk. But on the whole people drop the mention of something personal into a discussion only when they are prepared to talk about it; and if you go gently it may lead you to an interesting discussion and the chance to get to know the other person better.
Interrupting by saying "Me too, wait till you hear about this..." may sound like an affirmation, but it's actually a coup.
Judgment often occurs when a conversation doesn't feel equal. If one person makes it clear that they have a superior role, an essential element of conversation is lost. It doesn't matter whether I am your boss, your elder, more educated or more privileged than you, true listening takes place in the context of equality.
Wit is one of the delights of head talk. Clever plays on words, jokes, banter and raillery all contribute to the to and fro of conversation, and often signal that people are comfortable enough to mock and tease each other. Without empathy, however, it can easily be misjudged, and often keeps people at a distance from each other.
Being vulnerable may come with the risk of being misunderstood or scorned or laughed at, but isn't there a bigger risk of losing out on real connection and closeness with others through closing off your feelings? The great thing about conversation is that you can go step by step, testing the waters as you go.
Seeing always requires us to see afresh as if for the first time.
To practice being concise, ask yourself a question and allow yourself to ramble as much as you like. Then marshall your thoughts and give a shorter version of your initial answer. Repeat until desired length/eloquence is achieved.
Naming what you perceive can often unblock a conversation that has got stuck. If one party is hiding a strong emotion, it's often useful to name what you notice without accusation. This can be especially useful if the other person is mocking, belittling, or being cynical or sarcastic.
January 17, 2021
@menreadtoo_au on Instagram
#theartofconversation by by @judyapps #judyapps
A light read to get my head back in the game for work
...
Some wonderful mantras and reminders about the complexity of conversation
...
Apps provides a range of frameworks to support meaningful connection and our prose with people through conversation through: anecdote, data, activities and tips
...
The basis of conversation is fundamental in our social and professional lives. Much of the book consolidated attributes of quality conversion and enhanced my capacity to apply these strategies purposefully at particular points in time
...
Have you #read this #book? What did you think?
#theartofconversation by by @judyapps #judyapps
A light read to get my head back in the game for work
...
Some wonderful mantras and reminders about the complexity of conversation
...
Apps provides a range of frameworks to support meaningful connection and our prose with people through conversation through: anecdote, data, activities and tips
...
The basis of conversation is fundamental in our social and professional lives. Much of the book consolidated attributes of quality conversion and enhanced my capacity to apply these strategies purposefully at particular points in time
...
Have you #read this #book? What did you think?
December 4, 2017
Persis seperti judulnya, buku ini bercerita tentang "Seni" dalam berbicara. Bukunya hard copy dan banyak tips juga petunjuk. Untuk orang yang ngga pandai ngobrol seperti saya, buku ini jadi tops banget. Berikut Daftar Isinya :
Part 1 : Intoducing Conversation
1. The Dance of Conversation
2. COnnecting is What Matters Most
3. Getting in the Right State
4. Getting a Conversation Going - The Basics
5. Listening
Part 2 : The Power of Conversation
6. Influencing a Conversation
7. Different Kinds of COnversation
8. Expressing Yourself
Part 3 : Sailing Through Tricky Waters
9. What to Do If You're Stuck
10. Oiling the Wheels
11. Role Playing
12. Spotting the Games People Play
13. Enjoying Disagreement
14. Confrontation
Part 4 : Creative Conversations
15. Changing the World One Conversation at a time
Bab yang kusuka :
4 - Dasar dari memulai percakapan
5 - Pada dasarnya aku tipe pendengar, dan bab ini membahas lebih dalam
7 - Lanjutan bab 4, ada Thing Talk, Action Talk, Head Talk, Heart Talk dan Soul Talk. Jika tau sedang ngobrolin apa, jadi lebih membangun connection
9 - 14 - pembahasan lebih jauh ketika dalam mengobrol tidak sesuai dengan harapan.
5 bintang
Part 1 : Intoducing Conversation
1. The Dance of Conversation
2. COnnecting is What Matters Most
3. Getting in the Right State
4. Getting a Conversation Going - The Basics
5. Listening
Part 2 : The Power of Conversation
6. Influencing a Conversation
7. Different Kinds of COnversation
8. Expressing Yourself
Part 3 : Sailing Through Tricky Waters
9. What to Do If You're Stuck
10. Oiling the Wheels
11. Role Playing
12. Spotting the Games People Play
13. Enjoying Disagreement
14. Confrontation
Part 4 : Creative Conversations
15. Changing the World One Conversation at a time
Bab yang kusuka :
4 - Dasar dari memulai percakapan
5 - Pada dasarnya aku tipe pendengar, dan bab ini membahas lebih dalam
7 - Lanjutan bab 4, ada Thing Talk, Action Talk, Head Talk, Heart Talk dan Soul Talk. Jika tau sedang ngobrolin apa, jadi lebih membangun connection
9 - 14 - pembahasan lebih jauh ketika dalam mengobrol tidak sesuai dengan harapan.
5 bintang
March 25, 2020
Started the book on the 27th of December and couldn’t get to the end not because I hated it but because I got super busy with life. Started it again this evening and finished it in one set (thanks to quarantine).
I really enjoyed this book; a very light read and, as I read in some of the reviews, it mentions basic points that most intellectual people already know (and follow) but to me that wasn’t a problem, I liked how simple the book was. Besides, I even noticed that I began practicing and filling the voids I have during conversations (also while giving a presentation) because of this book.
My only problem was that some of the examples mentioned were very (VERYYY) simple to the extent of being very boring to me as a reader. I also would’ve liked it more if the writer had talked more about The Manipulation Game and gave another example that we would experience in our daily life and we would be influenced by. For instance, manipulative (fake) friends or manipulative co-workers rather than mentioning the sale-person example. But then again, I get the idea of the writer to mainly make the examples very simple and not very heavy to take which maybe I personally experienced them to be a little uninteresting.
I really enjoyed this book; a very light read and, as I read in some of the reviews, it mentions basic points that most intellectual people already know (and follow) but to me that wasn’t a problem, I liked how simple the book was. Besides, I even noticed that I began practicing and filling the voids I have during conversations (also while giving a presentation) because of this book.
My only problem was that some of the examples mentioned were very (VERYYY) simple to the extent of being very boring to me as a reader. I also would’ve liked it more if the writer had talked more about The Manipulation Game and gave another example that we would experience in our daily life and we would be influenced by. For instance, manipulative (fake) friends or manipulative co-workers rather than mentioning the sale-person example. But then again, I get the idea of the writer to mainly make the examples very simple and not very heavy to take which maybe I personally experienced them to be a little uninteresting.
August 12, 2019
Good read!
Starts with types of converser, listeners, conversations, and how to identify the games people play from the groove the conversation takes.
Once I reach to the part of the games, I rushed the book to the end, since that particular part was the reason I got the book.
Starts with types of converser, listeners, conversations, and how to identify the games people play from the groove the conversation takes.
Once I reach to the part of the games, I rushed the book to the end, since that particular part was the reason I got the book.
January 22, 2020
A repetitive for common style of self-improvement books.
February 18, 2021
Book is an easy to read combination of small tips and tricks to get the best out of your conversation and is best digested as something just to pick from. It provides numerous little bits and pieces about what to think about in a conversation but this I find can be too much to remember whilst in the heat of things. It does provide a key theme to what the author believes conversation is about - Connection. If this was to be expanded on further I believe people would have something more tangible to focus on.
A small amount of spelling errors throughout makes you wonder what the publisher was smoking the evening this was put together.
A small amount of spelling errors throughout makes you wonder what the publisher was smoking the evening this was put together.
June 27, 2017
A decent read. The information provided is, for the most part, common sense (even though many of us tend to forget that when communicating). I found some tips I plan to use in my daily life (the five type of talk being at the top).
I will recommend this book to someone that wants to have a quick overview of the part of a conversation and a sort of introduction to ways of consciously improving their skills.
I will recommend this book to someone that wants to have a quick overview of the part of a conversation and a sort of introduction to ways of consciously improving their skills.
July 16, 2016
A little light, but it made me think. My biggest takeaway from this book was the importance of authenticity to building connections - you can't connect with people if you're concealing your heart and emotions, or 'performing' a certain personality. Just be yourself.
February 21, 2015
really makes you think about all aspects of what a conversation truly is and presents it in an easy, interesting way
January 21, 2017
Decent read, but mostly common sense knowledge.
December 29, 2021
3.75/5.... I was hoping for a very scientific stance and information on the intricacies of conversation and human interaction through conversations. So when I read the first few chapters, I was a little dissappointed. However, as I let go of this rather high expectation, I actually really enjoyed The Art of Conversation.
I feel that the first few chapters I knew from a mile away, and it's really common sense - it's the standard stuff from your youtube videos, and online blogs - staying present, listening, being engaged, showing genuine interest with the people you're speaking to etc... In saying that, I feel like there was still a lot to be learned from these chapters to bring it all together in one place, provide move clarity on the topic, and also a few gold nuggets throughout the book. On the other side of the coin, that's the beauty of conversation! It's not some intricate, complex, or difficult thing to do. It's an enjoyable interaction with other humans and people in your life. It can enrich, and enhance your life with more conversations and as she puts it "One conversation at a time".
One theme and exercise I particularly enjoyed was when Judy asks you, to ask yourself what do you think a conversation is for? I have always known what it's for, but never really placed much thought to this. When I pondered on this, I came to the conclusion of genuine connections with other people... which is also the core theme that Judy touches on throughout the book. I think that by having this idea in the back of your mind throughout every interaction, you will likely never go stale in a conversation.
I would say that this is my main takeaway from this book. It's brought this thought to life in my mind, and I will be keeping this thought and intention behind every conversation I have.
TLDR; All in all, a pleasant read - and if you're someone that has no context on anything about conversations and social interations with people, I would probably recommend this to you. It's a nice short read, and you'll likely learn a lot from it!
I feel that the first few chapters I knew from a mile away, and it's really common sense - it's the standard stuff from your youtube videos, and online blogs - staying present, listening, being engaged, showing genuine interest with the people you're speaking to etc... In saying that, I feel like there was still a lot to be learned from these chapters to bring it all together in one place, provide move clarity on the topic, and also a few gold nuggets throughout the book. On the other side of the coin, that's the beauty of conversation! It's not some intricate, complex, or difficult thing to do. It's an enjoyable interaction with other humans and people in your life. It can enrich, and enhance your life with more conversations and as she puts it "One conversation at a time".
One theme and exercise I particularly enjoyed was when Judy asks you, to ask yourself what do you think a conversation is for? I have always known what it's for, but never really placed much thought to this. When I pondered on this, I came to the conclusion of genuine connections with other people... which is also the core theme that Judy touches on throughout the book. I think that by having this idea in the back of your mind throughout every interaction, you will likely never go stale in a conversation.
I would say that this is my main takeaway from this book. It's brought this thought to life in my mind, and I will be keeping this thought and intention behind every conversation I have.
TLDR; All in all, a pleasant read - and if you're someone that has no context on anything about conversations and social interations with people, I would probably recommend this to you. It's a nice short read, and you'll likely learn a lot from it!
January 4, 2023
This book could easily be titled “The Basics of Conversation,” or “The Building Blocks of Conversation.” I think I was hoping for something more in-depth about creating memorable, engaging, impactful conversation, something that would push me towards the secrets of the greats, like Oscar Wilde or Aldous Huxley. Perhaps, though, the basics are the art; I did find some useful points here that I didn’t realize I needed spelled out for me. But when it came to chapters about how to listen to others, how to empathize, how to ask questions, etc., I found that I was feeling the tedium…for me these all felt like easy points that were keeping me from the meaty stuff. Your experience may vary!
I’d also like to add that the sections near the end about talking through conflict and the power of conversation to change people—and thus change the world—really impacted me, and I feel their import can’t be understated: I lost my father some months ago after a conversation freeze-out, and I can’t help but replay in my head how and where things could have gone differently, and maybe better for both of us, if I felt more comfortable in uncomfortable conversation. I just couldn’t see it then.
Finally, I want to discuss the format. It was breezy and accessible, and I appreciate that. However, the kind of “For Dummies” layout, with the asides, the “try/notice this,” the “here’s a fun story,” etc., all felt a little stilted for me. I didn’t feel like I could connect emotionally to the book or author, and I’m hoping that won’t affect its memorability. It’s a taste thing, and I think for many people it’ll be helpful. For example, I do believe that if you are—or know someone who is—on the autism spectrum, this layout would be extremely useful!
All in all I’m grateful for the experience but feel it could easily have been richer.
I’d also like to add that the sections near the end about talking through conflict and the power of conversation to change people—and thus change the world—really impacted me, and I feel their import can’t be understated: I lost my father some months ago after a conversation freeze-out, and I can’t help but replay in my head how and where things could have gone differently, and maybe better for both of us, if I felt more comfortable in uncomfortable conversation. I just couldn’t see it then.
Finally, I want to discuss the format. It was breezy and accessible, and I appreciate that. However, the kind of “For Dummies” layout, with the asides, the “try/notice this,” the “here’s a fun story,” etc., all felt a little stilted for me. I didn’t feel like I could connect emotionally to the book or author, and I’m hoping that won’t affect its memorability. It’s a taste thing, and I think for many people it’ll be helpful. For example, I do believe that if you are—or know someone who is—on the autism spectrum, this layout would be extremely useful!
All in all I’m grateful for the experience but feel it could easily have been richer.
September 28, 2019
#اسم_الكتاب: #فن_المحادثة
#التقيم: ٨/١٠.
#الكاتب:#جودي_آبس
نبذه عن الكتاب:
من منا لا يرغب في تكوين محادثة جذابة وبراقة في نفس الوقت، ومن منا لا يتمنا جذب الانتباه من خلال حديثة الممتع وكلماتة المختارة وأسلوبة الشيق؟
الأغلب يعرف كيف يثرثر والقليلون يعرفون كيفية التحدث.
فالمحادثة بإختلاف مفاهيمها هي: الحوار الذي يدور بين شخصين وأكثر لإيصال رسالة حتى لو كانت للتتسلية وتضيع الوقت، فهي اساس التواصل للتعبير عن ما يجول بخاطرنا ولنقل المعرفة بين الناس.
فالمحادثة ليس فقط استعراض لمهاراتنا بل لكي نوصل المعلومات بشكل صحيح وأنيق، لأن بالمحادثة أستطيع ان اكشف هويتك.
فمثلا هل تستطيع ان تسأل أمرأه كم طفل لديك او كم عمرك في لقاء بينكما ولأول مره في قاعه انتظار لإحدى العيادات؟
هل من الممكن البوح بمشاكلك وامورك الخاصة لمجرد شخص قال لك كيف حالك؟!
ماذا يجب ان نقول وكيف نقوله ومتى ومع من هو بحد ذاتة فن فلنتعلم رقي الحديث ونرفع من مستوى الحديث ولنرتقي بالحديث.
كل هذا وأكثر سوف تتعلمة من خلال قرأتك لهذا الكتاب..
#التقيم: ٨/١٠.
#الكاتب:#جودي_آبس
نبذه عن الكتاب:
من منا لا يرغب في تكوين محادثة جذابة وبراقة في نفس الوقت، ومن منا لا يتمنا جذب الانتباه من خلال حديثة الممتع وكلماتة المختارة وأسلوبة الشيق؟
الأغلب يعرف كيف يثرثر والقليلون يعرفون كيفية التحدث.
فالمحادثة بإختلاف مفاهيمها هي: الحوار الذي يدور بين شخصين وأكثر لإيصال رسالة حتى لو كانت للتتسلية وتضيع الوقت، فهي اساس التواصل للتعبير عن ما يجول بخاطرنا ولنقل المعرفة بين الناس.
فالمحادثة ليس فقط استعراض لمهاراتنا بل لكي نوصل المعلومات بشكل صحيح وأنيق، لأن بالمحادثة أستطيع ان اكشف هويتك.
فمثلا هل تستطيع ان تسأل أمرأه كم طفل لديك او كم عمرك في لقاء بينكما ولأول مره في قاعه انتظار لإحدى العيادات؟
هل من الممكن البوح بمشاكلك وامورك الخاصة لمجرد شخص قال لك كيف حالك؟!
ماذا يجب ان نقول وكيف نقوله ومتى ومع من هو بحد ذاتة فن فلنتعلم رقي الحديث ونرفع من مستوى الحديث ولنرتقي بالحديث.
كل هذا وأكثر سوف تتعلمة من خلال قرأتك لهذا الكتاب..
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 22, 2020
If you are terrible at talking to people, sure. This book is probably 4 or 5 stars for you.
However, to me parts 1 and 2 are a lot of waffling, probably great for someone who needs a lot of encouragement to start a conversation. That is understandable.
I wouldn't say I'm great, but I have attended a few courses in order to improve my skills, and was hoping that this book would help. I'm not giving it low stars because "I knew everything already" (which is an unfair verdict) but because parts 1 and 2 are not helpful advice. It feels more like..coddling, sometimes. Perhaps they would have been better as a backscript to a PowerPoint presentation on communication.
Parts 3 and 4 still have some waffling but have a lot of good situational advice since it gives more accurate conversations, and example replies and counters, and that is why this is 3 stars.
However, to me parts 1 and 2 are a lot of waffling, probably great for someone who needs a lot of encouragement to start a conversation. That is understandable.
I wouldn't say I'm great, but I have attended a few courses in order to improve my skills, and was hoping that this book would help. I'm not giving it low stars because "I knew everything already" (which is an unfair verdict) but because parts 1 and 2 are not helpful advice. It feels more like..coddling, sometimes. Perhaps they would have been better as a backscript to a PowerPoint presentation on communication.
Parts 3 and 4 still have some waffling but have a lot of good situational advice since it gives more accurate conversations, and example replies and counters, and that is why this is 3 stars.
September 14, 2020
Outside of core friends and family, I find myself interacting less frequently with a lot of people in my life. More than ever, I'm aware of the importance of making the conversations I do have really count. This book is all about conversation - why it's important and how to be better at it. It's engaging and somewhat conversational in tone, with lots of little sidebars with examples of conversations or suggestions to practice. A lot of the advice is common sense, but it's an easy read. It's worth the time for anyone hoping for some pointers on how to go beyond "what have you been up to lately?" and have more profound interactions with the project around them.
December 16, 2021
It's a 3.5 for me. I enjoyed the book and got really good vibes from the author. But the content is still not it for me. There is something missing, and it's a strong focus. This book flaunts back and forth between theories, practical tips and anecdotes, and not in a good way. I had a hard time keeping up with the practical tips, and even with a dedicated summary, the content was not enough to be a theoretical/scientific exploration into the topic, not practical enough to be actually handy, and not engaging enough to be a collection of commutation anecdotes.
I wish the author would maybe come with a sequel where she has the space to expound more into the topic.
I wish the author would maybe come with a sequel where she has the space to expound more into the topic.
June 17, 2019
A very quick read accompanied with exercises that you can complete alone.
This would be beneficial to a speech expert in need of definitions and examples to use in workshops, as well as to someone who as very little knowledge of basic conversation.
The techniques taught are limited to starting conversations with strangers, and maybe distant acquaintances.
If you’re looking for something to enhance your long-term communication with your regular social/work circle, there are some great TED Talks that offer more practical advice.
This would be beneficial to a speech expert in need of definitions and examples to use in workshops, as well as to someone who as very little knowledge of basic conversation.
The techniques taught are limited to starting conversations with strangers, and maybe distant acquaintances.
If you’re looking for something to enhance your long-term communication with your regular social/work circle, there are some great TED Talks that offer more practical advice.
February 14, 2021
What can I say? Truly outstanding work. I was very inspired by the idea that small talk is a great tool to progress through trust building as my previous assumption was that small talk is one of thos things people hate about conversations. Also, the ideas behind some of the progressions through different type of talks were new to me. It feels that Judy is truly focused on advancing the science and art of connection skills with high fidelity of research and insights.
Read it, worth every dime.
Read it, worth every dime.
January 25, 2020
I think it offers some interesting ideas which could be useful, however, to anyone struggling with social skills I would not recommend starting with this book, should probably read "how to win friends and influence people" first and then read this book as an extra thing. The writing is really friendly and there are a few interesting real-life stories.
July 7, 2023
I'm sure the author is a great conversationist. The book flows like a good conversation, brimming with information and dotted by interesting stories. As a self help book it doesn't seem very helpful. I'm still unsure of how to extend a conversation with my boss beyond "good day" and "good job".
Read
December 19, 2023Ever tried this cool Omegle alternative ? It's a chill spot for casual chats and meeting diverse folks. No pressure, just good vibes and interesting conversations. Worth checking out if you're into that sort of thing.
June 26, 2025
Interesting topics and insights as well as ways to talk and maintain conversation with others in a healthy, respective way. Tabbed key parts I felt I could personally work on and will continue to do so :)
October 3, 2017
Good tips for opening and maintaining conversations.
March 13, 2018
I found this book very interesting because it opened my eyes to be a better converser:)
July 17, 2019
This book is a very practical tool to help people be mindful and read all kinds of queues when having a conversation
September 9, 2020
Exoskeleton of communication, not enough on what to say.
December 31, 2021
There is a lot of waffle accompanying the really good advice and the few good techniques written about in this book.
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