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Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength
"Vivid and engaging."—Publishers Weekly, starred review
Embrace the Power Inside You
It's no wonder that introversion is making headlines—half of all Americans are introverts. But if that describes you—are you making the most of your inner strength?
Psychologist and introvert Laurie Helgoe unveils the genius of introversion. Introverts gain energy and power through reflection and solitude. Our culture, however, is geared toward the extrovert. The pressure to get out there and get happier can lead people to think that an inward orientation is a problem instead of an opportunity.
Helgoe shows that the exact opposite is true: introverts can capitalize on this inner source of power. Introvert Power is a blueprint for how introverts can take full advantage of this hidden strength in daily life.
Revolutionary and invaluable, Introvert Power includes ideas for how introverts can learn to:
�Claim private space
�Bring a slower tempo into daily life
�Deal effectively with parties, interruptions, and crowds
Quiet is might. Solitude is strength. Introversion is power.
"A modern-day Thoreau."—Stephen Bertman, author of The Eight Pillars of Greek Wisdom
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2008
621 people are currently reading
13970 people want to read
About the author
Laurie A. Helgoe
10 books40 followersLaurie Anne Helgoe is an American psychologist and author specializing in personality development and the psychology of desire. Helgoe has a private practice in clinical psychology and serves as an assistant clinical professor at the West Virginia University School of Medicine, Charleston Division, supervising and lecturing psychiatric residents.
Raised as the ninth of ten children, she was surrounded by gregarious siblings and sought out solitude, reflection and writing to replenish her energy. This early discovery of the power of solitude had a profound influence on her later work.
In 2008, her writing revealed that scholarly and popular accounts regarding humans who display the personality traits of introversion and extroversion were flawed, and that, instead of representing a 25-30% of the population, introverts make up 57% of the population. The identified flaw was a dated reliance on the early work of Isabel Briggs Myers, and the failure to note the latest comprehensive results of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a questionnaire used by psychologists to classify human personality traits.
Raised as the ninth of ten children, she was surrounded by gregarious siblings and sought out solitude, reflection and writing to replenish her energy. This early discovery of the power of solitude had a profound influence on her later work.
In 2008, her writing revealed that scholarly and popular accounts regarding humans who display the personality traits of introversion and extroversion were flawed, and that, instead of representing a 25-30% of the population, introverts make up 57% of the population. The identified flaw was a dated reliance on the early work of Isabel Briggs Myers, and the failure to note the latest comprehensive results of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a questionnaire used by psychologists to classify human personality traits.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 418 reviews
April 23, 2012
I wish I'd been given this book 20 years ago. I've been fighting this thing called "introversion" as if it was a disease - wrong approach, I see it now. Not that I ever tried to fit in...but I just kept feeling that I "should".
This is not a self-help book. There are no formulas. This is about acceptance, thriving and celebrating who you are. I am completely and truly amazed at what I read because I kept thinking "hey, that's me" and I said it in nearly every page.
The author blames American culture over and over, but truly, it's everywhere (in the West, at least). I'm in Portugal and it's no different. I truly never met anyone like me: who dislikes parties, chit chat and hanging out with (many) friends.
No wonder I opened a bookshop (now closed, unfortunately). I placed myself in a position where I could connect with who people really were (and get to talk about books). I loved the people I met there - great characters - and it's nice to meet some of them now on the street and hear them say they miss me and they miss talking to me. I have kept some in my close circle of friends, of course. They know who I am and accept me fully.
I have to go read other people's reviews and see what other introverts are saying. I feel like giving the author a hug right now. I might edit this later.
This is not a self-help book. There are no formulas. This is about acceptance, thriving and celebrating who you are. I am completely and truly amazed at what I read because I kept thinking "hey, that's me" and I said it in nearly every page.
The author blames American culture over and over, but truly, it's everywhere (in the West, at least). I'm in Portugal and it's no different. I truly never met anyone like me: who dislikes parties, chit chat and hanging out with (many) friends.
No wonder I opened a bookshop (now closed, unfortunately). I placed myself in a position where I could connect with who people really were (and get to talk about books). I loved the people I met there - great characters - and it's nice to meet some of them now on the street and hear them say they miss me and they miss talking to me. I have kept some in my close circle of friends, of course. They know who I am and accept me fully.
I have to go read other people's reviews and see what other introverts are saying. I feel like giving the author a hug right now. I might edit this later.
December 19, 2014
I owe a ton of thank-yous to the author, Laurie Helgoe. This book surprised me by being more than what I wanted out of a "self-help book" about my introversion - it helped me to understand myself and it helped me to love myself better. I never fully understood why I felt bored or withdrawn during some conversations, why a rush of activity and movement seems to flood me so badly I actually panic, or why I crave alone time a lot, apparently more than most people (aka more than I should... And worst of all, why I feel so painfully guilty about feeling those things. This book taught me more about accepting who I am, tuning out those very painfully false assumptions in our culture, and finding a balance between my desires and society's expectations, while never sacrificing my personal comfort at the same time.
Thank goodness I found this book!
Thank goodness I found this book!
December 16, 2011
If there were more rating stars, I would give them all to this book. For anyone who has wanted to retreat from the hectic pace, blaring noise, assault of advertising, and the "American" culture ceaseless activity - this is the book for you. It was like finding an old friend and myself at the same time.
Helgoe explains that "we have become a culture of 'everybody else' Through our constantly expanding media channels, we can know what people are (supposedly) buying, how people are (supposedly) behaving, and what expectations others (supposedly) have for us." And "in a democratic society, more popular means more power...In an increasingly public society, the emphasis shifts from quality to visibility; from good products to good marketing; from knowing to being known."
The author also reminds us, through chapters on using our introvert preferences at work, home, and social settings, something that all introverts know - Quality Matters.
If I could buy this book for every single person I know, I would send it to them today. But, since I can't do that, please do yourself a favor and gift it to your own wonderful, thoughtful self. You will not be sorry.
Helgoe explains that "we have become a culture of 'everybody else' Through our constantly expanding media channels, we can know what people are (supposedly) buying, how people are (supposedly) behaving, and what expectations others (supposedly) have for us." And "in a democratic society, more popular means more power...In an increasingly public society, the emphasis shifts from quality to visibility; from good products to good marketing; from knowing to being known."
The author also reminds us, through chapters on using our introvert preferences at work, home, and social settings, something that all introverts know - Quality Matters.
If I could buy this book for every single person I know, I would send it to them today. But, since I can't do that, please do yourself a favor and gift it to your own wonderful, thoughtful self. You will not be sorry.
June 27, 2011
I have mixed feelings about this book. I liked some of the concepts Helgoe focused on, like accepting your introversion and noticing the good things about it. Another idea I thought was valid was that you should be honest when you decline an unwanted invitation. If you make up excuses and say you really want to go, you will get more invitations. I also liked her encouragement to not let yourself be pressured into social events when you will not enjoy them, unless it's necessary, like for work.
Other parts of the book I really didn't connect with. They left me uncomfortable with their psychobabblish feel. An example of that is when she asks you to visualize (and write about) your ideal "retreat" and a "dream room." And this will help how? Also there's Imposed vs. Natural Work, and Birthdates vs. Deadlines.
I am glad I read it. I liked some of the ideas, it gave me some things to think about, and it will probably affect the way I handle some situations.
Other parts of the book I really didn't connect with. They left me uncomfortable with their psychobabblish feel. An example of that is when she asks you to visualize (and write about) your ideal "retreat" and a "dream room." And this will help how? Also there's Imposed vs. Natural Work, and Birthdates vs. Deadlines.
I am glad I read it. I liked some of the ideas, it gave me some things to think about, and it will probably affect the way I handle some situations.
September 12, 2013
Well, I found the magic of this book at the beginning, but to be honest I'd say that two thirds of the book are really redundant, I'm sorry to be so blunt and harsh about it. Enough said about introverts not liking to go to parties, mate, it did my head in. However, I didn’t skip those last two thirds because between dismayed faint spells when reading the repetitive narrative I got hooked again on a smart idea.
Now, the book does dally on a certain whiff of self-help babble, grrr, but the core of the writing, funny enough (mostly on the first third of the book) is somewhat lyrical; Laurie is a gifted writer, and also she is very honest without being Oprah, and that’s nice. I am not into the "you go girl!" type of therapy, but the book is American! Sorry if that sounds downright rubbish, I meant it's VERY enthusiastic.
What did it do for me? Hmmmh, I hadn't read any other books on introversion, and it did clarify and open my behaviour to a whole new world of possibilities, although I don't want to be too self conscious now about being a rabid introvert or whatever, and exercise my right to be or behave in an overtly introvert way on your face. The book asked for our forgiveness when extroverts didn’t get it, but, I don’t know, I think it’s a very personal and cultural thing how you speak to your neighbours when you’d rather regurgitate your last meal than go to their Saturday barbecue.
You can be assertive and honest with a bit more politeness than the book sometimes suggests, although I agree that it’s important to quit being polite for the sake of it and stop saying one thing and thinking another, avoid the closet sort of thing. I’m not sure yet how to get the balance right without behaving like a rocket science lunatic or a spitting dragon. I’ll tell how I fare when I try it.
The book does miss the grey range of the various personalities that are out there budding within the introverts’ world, and often it's too adamant on the binary assumption between introverts and extroverts. Sometimes extroverts appear as lava dribbling monsters that enjoy torturing us and making our lives hell. That's a bit too much for my taste. I hate people sometimes and would turn into a gargoyle myself when they put their rumbling air conditioning on, but I don’t want to get paranoid about it.
The psychology statistics and data made my eyes circle around into the blank space sometimes; I am probably not the type of introvert that likes that sort of thing in excess, and I downright skipped the exercises (guiltily), but that's me, folks.
I tend to get obsessive sometimes with things and I don’t feel too comfortable “being an introvert” and nothing else. The words “us introverts”, “them extroverts” were written twenty thousand times in the book and that made my head hurt.
I didn’t get why being an introvert is the hidden strength, I did read a few times that we can dazzle, inspire and make people relish in rapture with our inner wisdom personalities, but then again: who are the we? There are loads of people out there, introverts and extroverts, and anything in between (there must be people in between!) that have the power of attraction and do that. I guess “we” can also bore the hell out of people sometimes. Such is life. I guess it’s just a way to say that you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you feel small like a tiny mouse in a library reading and writing all the time and smelling the damp and not the roses, as being into your rich inner life is what makes you happy, so why sweat it? I don’t think I’m drop dead gorgeous or have hidden powers because of my introvert personality, although that would obviously be fab.
There weren’t enough cautionary tales if you took Laurie’s advice too much to heart and a stretch too far. That’s also a good thing to read in a book before you go out there and follow the advice whole heartedly.
However, useful insights there and food for thought. The writing is lovely, very rich, literary at times and inspiring all the way. So, go, girl! ;-)
Now, the book does dally on a certain whiff of self-help babble, grrr, but the core of the writing, funny enough (mostly on the first third of the book) is somewhat lyrical; Laurie is a gifted writer, and also she is very honest without being Oprah, and that’s nice. I am not into the "you go girl!" type of therapy, but the book is American! Sorry if that sounds downright rubbish, I meant it's VERY enthusiastic.
What did it do for me? Hmmmh, I hadn't read any other books on introversion, and it did clarify and open my behaviour to a whole new world of possibilities, although I don't want to be too self conscious now about being a rabid introvert or whatever, and exercise my right to be or behave in an overtly introvert way on your face. The book asked for our forgiveness when extroverts didn’t get it, but, I don’t know, I think it’s a very personal and cultural thing how you speak to your neighbours when you’d rather regurgitate your last meal than go to their Saturday barbecue.
You can be assertive and honest with a bit more politeness than the book sometimes suggests, although I agree that it’s important to quit being polite for the sake of it and stop saying one thing and thinking another, avoid the closet sort of thing. I’m not sure yet how to get the balance right without behaving like a rocket science lunatic or a spitting dragon. I’ll tell how I fare when I try it.
The book does miss the grey range of the various personalities that are out there budding within the introverts’ world, and often it's too adamant on the binary assumption between introverts and extroverts. Sometimes extroverts appear as lava dribbling monsters that enjoy torturing us and making our lives hell. That's a bit too much for my taste. I hate people sometimes and would turn into a gargoyle myself when they put their rumbling air conditioning on, but I don’t want to get paranoid about it.
The psychology statistics and data made my eyes circle around into the blank space sometimes; I am probably not the type of introvert that likes that sort of thing in excess, and I downright skipped the exercises (guiltily), but that's me, folks.
I tend to get obsessive sometimes with things and I don’t feel too comfortable “being an introvert” and nothing else. The words “us introverts”, “them extroverts” were written twenty thousand times in the book and that made my head hurt.
I didn’t get why being an introvert is the hidden strength, I did read a few times that we can dazzle, inspire and make people relish in rapture with our inner wisdom personalities, but then again: who are the we? There are loads of people out there, introverts and extroverts, and anything in between (there must be people in between!) that have the power of attraction and do that. I guess “we” can also bore the hell out of people sometimes. Such is life. I guess it’s just a way to say that you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you feel small like a tiny mouse in a library reading and writing all the time and smelling the damp and not the roses, as being into your rich inner life is what makes you happy, so why sweat it? I don’t think I’m drop dead gorgeous or have hidden powers because of my introvert personality, although that would obviously be fab.
There weren’t enough cautionary tales if you took Laurie’s advice too much to heart and a stretch too far. That’s also a good thing to read in a book before you go out there and follow the advice whole heartedly.
However, useful insights there and food for thought. The writing is lovely, very rich, literary at times and inspiring all the way. So, go, girl! ;-)
February 19, 2016
“While the introvert is reflecting on the question (thinking first), the extrovert takes this as an invitation to fill the void (talking first). As long as the introvert doesn’t interrupt, the extrovert continues to fill the interpersonal space with talk. But as long as the extrovert talks, the introvert can’t think and stays mute. Mute means the invitation is still open, and continued talk assures that the introvert remains mute. By the time the extrovert pauses to ask, the introvert’s head is pounding and he or she just wants to get out so she can think. The extrovert just assumes the introvert had nothing to say, and moves on.”
That quote basically summarizes my life in a nutshell. I always knew that I was different from my peers, who always took pleasure being alone. I remember when I was growing up, I use to always go the park or walk around the neighborhood. I love solitude, being alone with my thoughts is the perfect way to spend my evening. Dislike parties or large gatherings, but prefer to be in the company with my closest friends. I am rarely bored alone, it is only with the presence of people when I feel so overwhelmed with the stimulation around me.
Thoughts on the book: This book was similar to Susan Cain book, but not in totality. I read countless of articles on introversion so most of the details were rehearsed from something I read already. If there is one thing that I disagreed about is that introversion is a preference. I personally think that it is in your DNA. It is something that you are born with, not something that you chose to do. However I do think that you can choose to behave extroverted for a limited of times, such as karaoke or things similar to that. Additionally, I did not really like the tips on how to survive conversations with an extrovert. Simply because every introvert is an individual first, what might work with someone else, may not work with you. Nevertheless the book did define that everyone is different, including misconceptions about other introverts.
It was a good book, repetitive at times but a broad understanding on introversion.
That quote basically summarizes my life in a nutshell. I always knew that I was different from my peers, who always took pleasure being alone. I remember when I was growing up, I use to always go the park or walk around the neighborhood. I love solitude, being alone with my thoughts is the perfect way to spend my evening. Dislike parties or large gatherings, but prefer to be in the company with my closest friends. I am rarely bored alone, it is only with the presence of people when I feel so overwhelmed with the stimulation around me.
Thoughts on the book: This book was similar to Susan Cain book, but not in totality. I read countless of articles on introversion so most of the details were rehearsed from something I read already. If there is one thing that I disagreed about is that introversion is a preference. I personally think that it is in your DNA. It is something that you are born with, not something that you chose to do. However I do think that you can choose to behave extroverted for a limited of times, such as karaoke or things similar to that. Additionally, I did not really like the tips on how to survive conversations with an extrovert. Simply because every introvert is an individual first, what might work with someone else, may not work with you. Nevertheless the book did define that everyone is different, including misconceptions about other introverts.
It was a good book, repetitive at times but a broad understanding on introversion.
April 28, 2017
Quite an informative and enthusiastic book. It is encouraging introversy and explaining to a person what makes an introvert. Certainly useful in case you aren't sure whether you are one or not or have no idea how to deal with your introversy, however less so if you are aware and many of the suggested techniques don't help.
It's a good and useful book, mind you. But one should realise that it should be not about introverts vocalising their opinions and issues but about making our society less extrovert-centred.
Still very interesting and recommended, especially for extroverted people who aren't sure what to make of the quiet and reserved ones.
It's a good and useful book, mind you. But one should realise that it should be not about introverts vocalising their opinions and issues but about making our society less extrovert-centred.
Still very interesting and recommended, especially for extroverted people who aren't sure what to make of the quiet and reserved ones.
November 18, 2010
This book had could have been written about me, a lifelong introvert. The author "gets" me. Descriptions, examples, thoughts, and feelings are right on target. Most importantly, I learned that it is okay to be an introvert. My strength is drawn from solitude, the company of one or two people at a time, my pets, my books, my interests. I shouldn't berate myself for not wanting to go to big parties and do "fun" activities that extroverts enjoy. I will be buying my own copy of this book, reading it was liberating.
March 31, 2015
I honestly found this book to be disappointing, which is kinda funny considering tests say I'm about 80% introvert. Although some research was quoted, it seemed like a lot of the book was based on the author's perspective, and this book would probably be much better as a memoir.
The author seems to know what's she's talking about, but she makes way too many generalizations. To think that there would be no books if there were no introverts is silly. I'm sure there are extroverts who like to read, and there may be some introverts who like parties more than extroverts. I don't like the dichotomy that Helgoe depicts. She attempts to break it down in a later chapter, but her words aren't convincing to me.
Furthermore, there are multiple introverted types: ISFP, ISFJ, ISTP, ISTJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP, INTJ. I bet these introverts think a bit differently from one another. She already mentions Jung and Myer-Briggs, so why not go more in depth and give each type it's own section? I bet the author might be an INFJ.
Even though I'm an introvert, I can't see myself reflected in these pages. Every now and then something rings true, but my experience has generally been different. I find myself to be a mix of shadow dweller and socially accessible, but I feel like there's gotta be another word for it. I'm very happy being a shadow dweller and I'm also happy being socially accessible. I guess I could be called a shadow social dweller. I like to go in and out between categories, yet there doesn't seem to be a description for that.
This seems too personalized and metaphoric for me to connect with it. I don't think I've learned much from this, and sometimes the things that the author suggests seem passive-aggressive and unhelpful. The dialogue in which the introvert gives the silent treatment to the extrovert because he or she is annoyed is ineffective and passive-aggressive. Most people most likely wouldn't understand the silence. You'd have to use effective communication to clarify the problem. I find that when I remain silent, people somehow think I agree with them or hate them, depending on the context, and very little can convince them otherwise.
I don't like how this book has depicted extroverts, as adrenaline seeking, talking all the time, stupid kind of people. If introverts need a balance, then so do extroverts. I don't think it matters whether we're introverted or extroverted. I think it matters how we seek a balance between the two so that our needs are fulfilled (the author somewhat advocated for this position with her idea of yin and yang). Perhaps the author simply badmouths extroverts a bit because she's tired of people stereotyping introverts and trying to appease extroverts.
I just can't get behind most of her ideas of exploring introversion. I'm sorry to say this, but it reeks of privilege. It's practically impossible to find space for yourself if you don't have the time to do it. On top of that, if you don't have money, then good luck trying to personalize your space. The best you might be able to do is have a backyard or go to a public park somewhere. It'll never truly be yours and will always be shared. It might be yours for a moment. Retreats are also almost impossible for some people, due to time and money constraints. Maybe I'm biased because I live by myself, but I've always lived in the living rooms of my shared apartments and parents' house because my room felt too confining and it was never truly mine anyway, except when I slept. On top of that, I find social networks, like Facebook, OkCupid, and LinkedIn to be overstimulating and anxiety inducing. Social networks may not be good for all introverts. There are more people involved, so some extroverts might benefit more from them, especially with instant messaging and firing off ideas.
It would have been awesome if the author provided statistics proving that introversion doesn't necessarily correlate with mental illness, but instead she seems to suggest that it's natural for introverts to end up in therapy because we're self-reflective and reminisce a lot, which is the reason why some studies say people end up with depression--because they replay the negative past too much in their thoughts. I'm not convinced that this book even pushes the envelope on the subject open. Instead, it seems like the author wrote this book to convince herself of introversion.
I might've believed this book when I was 16, but it seems lacking based on my current experiences. Maybe I need to read it multiple times to get?
Also, she depicts Japan in way too bright a light. There's a high suicide rate there because one test in high school determines your career path. A good number of students kill themselves if they don't get the results they want or because their anxiety about taking the test is so high. On top of that, their society is very restrictive, especially to women. You're expected to drop out of the work force once you have children. It's all about going out with your friends, according to one of my friends who studied abroad in Japan. People never usually traveled alone unless they were on business. Japan isn't as great a place as she thinks it is. It might be quiet and respectful, but it has some drawbacks too.
Edit: I don't mean to say that this book is worthless. It's not, and I'm sure some introverts will find it very useful. However, I'm afraid only certain types of introverts will like it and connect with it. The biggest issues I have with this book are that there's not enough here, and the author only touches on an issue and then moves on without exploring its depths. I wish there was more information on introverts.
Also...birthdates. That just does not make sense. When someone is born, the person is just beginning his or her life journey, just starting to develop. Yet with deadlines, we are expected to turn in a final project. Therefore, what we turn in has stopped developing and is essentially "dead" and cannot be changed unless your supervisor agrees to let you work on it again. Especially with books, the manuscript is "dead" after you submit it, and you're usually not allowed to change much, except for spelling errors, since it costs a lot of money to make changes to proofs. Deadline makes more sense, given the nature of resource constraints. After the deadline comes the birth of a new edition, but the old edition is dead.
The author seems to know what's she's talking about, but she makes way too many generalizations. To think that there would be no books if there were no introverts is silly. I'm sure there are extroverts who like to read, and there may be some introverts who like parties more than extroverts. I don't like the dichotomy that Helgoe depicts. She attempts to break it down in a later chapter, but her words aren't convincing to me.
Furthermore, there are multiple introverted types: ISFP, ISFJ, ISTP, ISTJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP, INTJ. I bet these introverts think a bit differently from one another. She already mentions Jung and Myer-Briggs, so why not go more in depth and give each type it's own section? I bet the author might be an INFJ.
Even though I'm an introvert, I can't see myself reflected in these pages. Every now and then something rings true, but my experience has generally been different. I find myself to be a mix of shadow dweller and socially accessible, but I feel like there's gotta be another word for it. I'm very happy being a shadow dweller and I'm also happy being socially accessible. I guess I could be called a shadow social dweller. I like to go in and out between categories, yet there doesn't seem to be a description for that.
This seems too personalized and metaphoric for me to connect with it. I don't think I've learned much from this, and sometimes the things that the author suggests seem passive-aggressive and unhelpful. The dialogue in which the introvert gives the silent treatment to the extrovert because he or she is annoyed is ineffective and passive-aggressive. Most people most likely wouldn't understand the silence. You'd have to use effective communication to clarify the problem. I find that when I remain silent, people somehow think I agree with them or hate them, depending on the context, and very little can convince them otherwise.
I don't like how this book has depicted extroverts, as adrenaline seeking, talking all the time, stupid kind of people. If introverts need a balance, then so do extroverts. I don't think it matters whether we're introverted or extroverted. I think it matters how we seek a balance between the two so that our needs are fulfilled (the author somewhat advocated for this position with her idea of yin and yang). Perhaps the author simply badmouths extroverts a bit because she's tired of people stereotyping introverts and trying to appease extroverts.
I just can't get behind most of her ideas of exploring introversion. I'm sorry to say this, but it reeks of privilege. It's practically impossible to find space for yourself if you don't have the time to do it. On top of that, if you don't have money, then good luck trying to personalize your space. The best you might be able to do is have a backyard or go to a public park somewhere. It'll never truly be yours and will always be shared. It might be yours for a moment. Retreats are also almost impossible for some people, due to time and money constraints. Maybe I'm biased because I live by myself, but I've always lived in the living rooms of my shared apartments and parents' house because my room felt too confining and it was never truly mine anyway, except when I slept. On top of that, I find social networks, like Facebook, OkCupid, and LinkedIn to be overstimulating and anxiety inducing. Social networks may not be good for all introverts. There are more people involved, so some extroverts might benefit more from them, especially with instant messaging and firing off ideas.
It would have been awesome if the author provided statistics proving that introversion doesn't necessarily correlate with mental illness, but instead she seems to suggest that it's natural for introverts to end up in therapy because we're self-reflective and reminisce a lot, which is the reason why some studies say people end up with depression--because they replay the negative past too much in their thoughts. I'm not convinced that this book even pushes the envelope on the subject open. Instead, it seems like the author wrote this book to convince herself of introversion.
I might've believed this book when I was 16, but it seems lacking based on my current experiences. Maybe I need to read it multiple times to get?
Also, she depicts Japan in way too bright a light. There's a high suicide rate there because one test in high school determines your career path. A good number of students kill themselves if they don't get the results they want or because their anxiety about taking the test is so high. On top of that, their society is very restrictive, especially to women. You're expected to drop out of the work force once you have children. It's all about going out with your friends, according to one of my friends who studied abroad in Japan. People never usually traveled alone unless they were on business. Japan isn't as great a place as she thinks it is. It might be quiet and respectful, but it has some drawbacks too.
Edit: I don't mean to say that this book is worthless. It's not, and I'm sure some introverts will find it very useful. However, I'm afraid only certain types of introverts will like it and connect with it. The biggest issues I have with this book are that there's not enough here, and the author only touches on an issue and then moves on without exploring its depths. I wish there was more information on introverts.
Also...birthdates. That just does not make sense. When someone is born, the person is just beginning his or her life journey, just starting to develop. Yet with deadlines, we are expected to turn in a final project. Therefore, what we turn in has stopped developing and is essentially "dead" and cannot be changed unless your supervisor agrees to let you work on it again. Especially with books, the manuscript is "dead" after you submit it, and you're usually not allowed to change much, except for spelling errors, since it costs a lot of money to make changes to proofs. Deadline makes more sense, given the nature of resource constraints. After the deadline comes the birth of a new edition, but the old edition is dead.
June 2, 2010
Introvert Power is a self-help book about celebrating your introverted identity and recognizing its strengths, instead of trying to be more extroverted and running out of energy, or becoming a hermit - the typical introvert responses to social overstimulation. The title is very appropriate - it's a very empowering message for introverts.
Personally, I'm trying to work on *reducing* my ego and I don't crave power, so some of her rah-rah'ing came off as presumptuous, for me: She makes a lot of assumptions about what introverts are struggling with and what their values are. But for the most part, she's spot on - the book is jam-packed with useful insights and tips to help introverts assert themselves and live more honestly (instead of "performing" as false extroverts).
Helgoe argues that while many cultures demand that we behave in very extroverted ways, many of us secretly wish we could take a little time out to ourselves - to engage in thinking and wondering and daydreaming, writing or reading or gaming or doing math, and otherwise reveling in quiet intimacy, or solitude. This is where many of us can do our best work - but we often hide our introversion, make excuses for it, or don't even recognize how much creative potential we wield in these "pauses". Helgoe notes that the true ratio of introverts to extroverts is about 50/50, and introversion and extroversion appear to be merely extremes on a continuum, giving this book a broad appeal.
Personally, I'm trying to work on *reducing* my ego and I don't crave power, so some of her rah-rah'ing came off as presumptuous, for me: She makes a lot of assumptions about what introverts are struggling with and what their values are. But for the most part, she's spot on - the book is jam-packed with useful insights and tips to help introverts assert themselves and live more honestly (instead of "performing" as false extroverts).
Helgoe argues that while many cultures demand that we behave in very extroverted ways, many of us secretly wish we could take a little time out to ourselves - to engage in thinking and wondering and daydreaming, writing or reading or gaming or doing math, and otherwise reveling in quiet intimacy, or solitude. This is where many of us can do our best work - but we often hide our introversion, make excuses for it, or don't even recognize how much creative potential we wield in these "pauses". Helgoe notes that the true ratio of introverts to extroverts is about 50/50, and introversion and extroversion appear to be merely extremes on a continuum, giving this book a broad appeal.
October 31, 2009
I just grabbed this off the new book shelf at the library and will have to admit that I didn't read the whole thing. But I will say that the author understands us introverts. Sample:
Extrovert: How is your day going?
Introvert:(taking the question in, thinking)
Extrovert: I have had the craziest day....
Introvert: Yeah? (distracted from thinking)
Extrovert: Yeah, it all started this morning when...(continues for five minutes or so)....So you're doing well then?
Introvert: Yeah. Oh, I gotta get going. See ya!
The author says that half the U.S. population are introverts--and I bet a lot of them are members of Goodreads!
Extrovert: How is your day going?
Introvert:(taking the question in, thinking)
Extrovert: I have had the craziest day....
Introvert: Yeah? (distracted from thinking)
Extrovert: Yeah, it all started this morning when...(continues for five minutes or so)....So you're doing well then?
Introvert: Yeah. Oh, I gotta get going. See ya!
The author says that half the U.S. population are introverts--and I bet a lot of them are members of Goodreads!
March 7, 2009
If you haven't read many books about personality types, etc., I'd suggest this book as a go-to guide. If you're already familiar with your introverted personality, this book is more of a cheerleader for you to maintain what you like about your introverted life and change what doesn't work. She offers lots of tips for specific situations: parties, work, home life, etc., but what I think she'd really wish for this book to be is an introvert's manifesto to be read by the extroverts of the world.
February 18, 2013
Initial reaction: Considering I read this in one sitting shortly after being accepted for the galley, I devoured this book. It was a compulsive read and so interesting that I couldn't put it down once I picked it up. So many spot on assertions about introversion - what it is and what it isn't. I definitely appreciated the insight Helgoe had with respect to understanding and building upon the strengths of the introverted mind. It left me with a lot of food for thought because I am very much an introvert and I certainly benefited from much the author brought up.
Full review:
I often find books on personality type and attributes fascinating, so it was little wonder that I picked up "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength." Unapologetically stated, I'm an introvert (pretty far up the scale too considering my MBTI). I grew up in a family of extroverts on variant degrees of the scale, so to be so far on the end of introversion and take those factors into consideration, it was little wonder why sometimes my mother would ask me as a child "Well why are you out doing such and such like your sister, aren't you bored?" I'd tell her no and bury my face back in the book I was reading. (Or back to the computer screen where I would write a short story or worked on my very first novel ever. I wrote my first novel - over 50,000 words - when I was twelve, but no one will EVER see that. Mostly because it's saved on a floppy disk that I don't think many computers use anymore.)
Tangent aside, I found "Introvert Power" an insightful read because it not only knocks down so many myths about introversion, but it constructively talks about introversion in a way that you can use to build upon. Helgoe notes that America is an extroverted society and that many perceptions are lent into this "stereotypical" ideal of what an introvert is. I know I don't fit the stereotypical profile in terms of some of the attributions people think of on introverts. (Well, I do wear glasses, but that's pretty much it.)
It's a relief to be told that as an introvert: there is nothing wrong with that. That we derive our energies from different sources than extroverts and are active in different ways - and that's healthy. The narrative itself is inclusive and discusses ways that introverts not only take in details and things in life, but also how they use them to thrive. And most importantly, says that's okay! I think this narrative would be very helpful to those who are not only introverted trying to figure out how to best use their energies, but also for extroverts who want to understand the introverted way of thinking and come to terms with how to function with/compliment that.
Helgoe also talks about the different kinds of introverts that function in society. There are some introverts who can fake extroversion very well and function in that measure, others may not be able to. Some introverts are extroverted in a certain type of activity (honestly, if it's something any of us are passionate about, we can say that we take in energy from that), but may not be in another. Helgoe also talks about societal differences in introversion versus extroversion with respect to environment and culture. I found the narrative as a whole fascinating and really took so much out of it. It's one I would highly recommend on the subject matter.
Overall score: 4/5
Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher Sourcebooks.
Full review:
I often find books on personality type and attributes fascinating, so it was little wonder that I picked up "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength." Unapologetically stated, I'm an introvert (pretty far up the scale too considering my MBTI). I grew up in a family of extroverts on variant degrees of the scale, so to be so far on the end of introversion and take those factors into consideration, it was little wonder why sometimes my mother would ask me as a child "Well why are you out doing such and such like your sister, aren't you bored?" I'd tell her no and bury my face back in the book I was reading. (Or back to the computer screen where I would write a short story or worked on my very first novel ever. I wrote my first novel - over 50,000 words - when I was twelve, but no one will EVER see that. Mostly because it's saved on a floppy disk that I don't think many computers use anymore.)
Tangent aside, I found "Introvert Power" an insightful read because it not only knocks down so many myths about introversion, but it constructively talks about introversion in a way that you can use to build upon. Helgoe notes that America is an extroverted society and that many perceptions are lent into this "stereotypical" ideal of what an introvert is. I know I don't fit the stereotypical profile in terms of some of the attributions people think of on introverts. (Well, I do wear glasses, but that's pretty much it.)
It's a relief to be told that as an introvert: there is nothing wrong with that. That we derive our energies from different sources than extroverts and are active in different ways - and that's healthy. The narrative itself is inclusive and discusses ways that introverts not only take in details and things in life, but also how they use them to thrive. And most importantly, says that's okay! I think this narrative would be very helpful to those who are not only introverted trying to figure out how to best use their energies, but also for extroverts who want to understand the introverted way of thinking and come to terms with how to function with/compliment that.
Helgoe also talks about the different kinds of introverts that function in society. There are some introverts who can fake extroversion very well and function in that measure, others may not be able to. Some introverts are extroverted in a certain type of activity (honestly, if it's something any of us are passionate about, we can say that we take in energy from that), but may not be in another. Helgoe also talks about societal differences in introversion versus extroversion with respect to environment and culture. I found the narrative as a whole fascinating and really took so much out of it. It's one I would highly recommend on the subject matter.
Overall score: 4/5
Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher Sourcebooks.
March 11, 2024
Thought provoking 😍
November 20, 2020
I have never felt so seen and understood in my introverted personality. I felt validated and encouraged to be more "me" and less of what others want, wish or think i should be. Lists of mainly introverted ways of dealing with the world were specific and spot on: wearing black to blend in, seeing extroversion as a bar I can never quite reach, enjoying people but only a few at a time and with lots of space in between, feeling bored and baffled by the attraction of gossip, wanting to have meaningful conversation instead of small talk, feeling more bored in groups of people than on my own, loving when someone cancels an event or outing so I free time to myself, always feeling like my brain is constantly working and thinking.
If you're an introvert, a quick read of the first fourth of this book will make you feel like a million dollars! In our American culture, introversion isn't praised or well understood, so feeling like you're in the minority and oppressed for it is common. This is just the book you need to feel more free to be yourself and lean into your introversion.
If you're an introvert, a quick read of the first fourth of this book will make you feel like a million dollars! In our American culture, introversion isn't praised or well understood, so feeling like you're in the minority and oppressed for it is common. This is just the book you need to feel more free to be yourself and lean into your introversion.
March 28, 2012
I am a clinical social worker by profession and also an introvert. I call myself the "anti-social social worker" because I although I do need a certain amount of people time, I prefer and love to read, think and learn by myself. Like some others who've reviewed the book, I related well to this book and felt the author totally gets introverts in a way that I've never seen in other books on the subject. I also related to it because I am a mental health professional and also experienced the feelings of actually having to work with PEOPLE after schooling which I loved. I also have read a lot about shyness, loners, sensitive people, and anxious/phobic type people and this book helped clarify some of the differences.
May 8, 2012
I found myself scanning pages rather than reading. The author shows understanding of introversion with long explanations and examples. If you need validation that you are ok as you are then great read this book.
August 18, 2016
Wow this is a life changing read!!
I have always felt at odds with myself and my ability to act accordingly to society's standards, and have especially felt like there was something wrong with my non-extroverted preferences. And then along came this book and it has given me hope and many reasons to celebrate my true introverted nature.
This book is full of relatable introvert anecdotes, tips for dealing with extroverts, and plenty of ideas on how to grab one's need for refreshing alone time in healthy ways.
I honestly wish this was a required reading book in American schools. It is a fantastic view into the very real and imaginative world of an introvert.
I have always felt at odds with myself and my ability to act accordingly to society's standards, and have especially felt like there was something wrong with my non-extroverted preferences. And then along came this book and it has given me hope and many reasons to celebrate my true introverted nature.
This book is full of relatable introvert anecdotes, tips for dealing with extroverts, and plenty of ideas on how to grab one's need for refreshing alone time in healthy ways.
I honestly wish this was a required reading book in American schools. It is a fantastic view into the very real and imaginative world of an introvert.
January 13, 2025
As an avid reader, I have often struggled to connect with non-fiction and self-help books. From my perspective, these books tend to stretch their material unnecessarily, taking far too long to emphasize their main points. However, Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power was a refreshing exception.
From the very first chapter, I felt a sense of connection and validation. One of the book’s greatest strengths is its ability to make introverted readers feel seen and understood. The recognition that there are others who share my way of thinking brought an immediate sense of relief. Helgoe’s writing fosters an overwhelming sense of acceptance – acceptance for who I am as a person, for my priorities, and for the ways I choose to navigate the world. It reminded me that loving who I am includes embracing the aspects of myself that might not conform to society’s extroverted ideals.
I now feel empowered to prioritize my needs without guilt or apology. Whether that means staying at home with a book instead of attending a party, or craving out quiet moments for reflection amidst a hectic schedule, I feel more confident in owning those decisions. In the end, we are all different and unique, and those differences should be celebrated rather than criticized.
This book arrived in my life at just the right time. It was exactly what I needed to hear – a voice of reassurance, encouragement, and empowerment. I would recommend this book to anyone who feels misunderstood because of their introversion. I also think this is a great read for extroverts who want to better understand the introverted people in their lives.
4/5
From the very first chapter, I felt a sense of connection and validation. One of the book’s greatest strengths is its ability to make introverted readers feel seen and understood. The recognition that there are others who share my way of thinking brought an immediate sense of relief. Helgoe’s writing fosters an overwhelming sense of acceptance – acceptance for who I am as a person, for my priorities, and for the ways I choose to navigate the world. It reminded me that loving who I am includes embracing the aspects of myself that might not conform to society’s extroverted ideals.
I now feel empowered to prioritize my needs without guilt or apology. Whether that means staying at home with a book instead of attending a party, or craving out quiet moments for reflection amidst a hectic schedule, I feel more confident in owning those decisions. In the end, we are all different and unique, and those differences should be celebrated rather than criticized.
This book arrived in my life at just the right time. It was exactly what I needed to hear – a voice of reassurance, encouragement, and empowerment. I would recommend this book to anyone who feels misunderstood because of their introversion. I also think this is a great read for extroverts who want to better understand the introverted people in their lives.
4/5
June 15, 2017
I loved her attempt to help us with this topic. There was some great effort put in and I loved her research to discover that half of us are statistically introverts and we are not as alone as we think. What I think would be better is if there was more evidence. There was an extensive amount of directions, instructions, and stories but not much reasoning or trustworthy science to back it up.
Now, I want to get to an honest review of the books mentioned.
The one thing I did not like about Introversion Power was that there were a ton of opinions and instructions and not much scientific evidence to back it up.
I would have liked it if she said, “My clients went from frustrated introvert to engaging, social extrovert by doing this” or “this study showed you can be more engaging as an introvert by 13%.”
Having said that, I did learn some good advice and towards the beginning, she did do some great research to dispel a huge myth on what percent of the population is introverted. There were a couple good studies mentioned and I wished she could have cited the specific source rather than just say, “studies say…”
Overall, I came out of the book better than I started.
The current advice online and in books have a huge hole. I feel the current female influencers in the space have failed to address a burning problem that I face as a male introvert.
I struggle with occasional shyness, social anxiety, and fear of rejection when it comes to dating and making friends. These authors didn’t talk much about these issues, probably since they’re attractive females who naturally get approached often and don’t struggle as much with dating.
You can summarize their advice as centered around:
understanding that introversion isn’t something to be ashamed of and using it as a strength.
how to effectively compromise with your extrovert family and friends so that they aren’t offended when you go to less social gatherings and so you can still have enough alone time.
Some of their advice was still helpful, but a good portion of it wasn’t targeting my main issue. For me, the problem is more psychological; it’s around putting yourself out there.
My Own Advice (based on Experience)
If you’re in my boat, here’s my advice:
First, your memories may be the cause. You may have been rejected multiple times in your past by your community at school, which may have imprinted a belief that you’re unworthy. While some dating and charisma coaches may tell you to use tricks to act more confident, that may only be a short-term fix. I have a better solution.
Sometimes, your confidence may be right on track with reality. Get honest feedback from socially skilled people you trust to see if your social skills are up to par. If your competence is low, your confidence should be low. As you gradually increase your competence, you can see the results and your confidence will increase.
If you have creepy social ticks you’re unaware of in your interactions, these can be identified and removed.
If you do find yourself over- or under-confident compared to your competence, it’s tougher to fix but doable.
If you’re under-confident or overly shy, keep documenting all your past achievements and read them aloud to yourself. You have to keep reminding yourself why you’re awesome so you don’t forget, which most people tend to do. In these special cases, faking it until you make it may work.
If you’re over-confident, try reminding yourself in each social interaction to be more empathetic, humble, and understanding. But most of you will fall into this group or else you wouldn’t be reading this.
Keep your goals in mind because your competence depends on your goals. If you’re looking to be more socially skilled and outgoing, experience in social settings will help your competence. But if your goal is to improve your dating, different factors influence your competence, including your physique, humor, social intelligence, and fashion. Therefore, it may be worthwhile to build these other competencies.
By seeing the positive results overtime, you can wash away the old-dated perceptions you have about yourself.
If you’re scared of talking to someone, I suggest taking baby steps. For example, you can practice with talking to only older women until you get comfortable before moving to women that are your age. By doing so, you realize that they used to be young beautiful women too and slowly learn that women aren’t so scary.
Shyness often comes from demonstrated poor performance. If we can improve our competence and practice in safe, new environments, we can see demonstrated success and our beliefs and behaviors will start changing.
I don’t have all the answers. Some severe cases of shyness or memories of past rejection may require a different remedy. In those cases, I suggest talking to a good psychiatrist; don’t be ashamed about this. Even some successful people have psychiatrists to keep them in top mental shape.
Now, I want to get to an honest review of the books mentioned.
The one thing I did not like about Introversion Power was that there were a ton of opinions and instructions and not much scientific evidence to back it up.
I would have liked it if she said, “My clients went from frustrated introvert to engaging, social extrovert by doing this” or “this study showed you can be more engaging as an introvert by 13%.”
Having said that, I did learn some good advice and towards the beginning, she did do some great research to dispel a huge myth on what percent of the population is introverted. There were a couple good studies mentioned and I wished she could have cited the specific source rather than just say, “studies say…”
Overall, I came out of the book better than I started.
The current advice online and in books have a huge hole. I feel the current female influencers in the space have failed to address a burning problem that I face as a male introvert.
I struggle with occasional shyness, social anxiety, and fear of rejection when it comes to dating and making friends. These authors didn’t talk much about these issues, probably since they’re attractive females who naturally get approached often and don’t struggle as much with dating.
You can summarize their advice as centered around:
understanding that introversion isn’t something to be ashamed of and using it as a strength.
how to effectively compromise with your extrovert family and friends so that they aren’t offended when you go to less social gatherings and so you can still have enough alone time.
Some of their advice was still helpful, but a good portion of it wasn’t targeting my main issue. For me, the problem is more psychological; it’s around putting yourself out there.
My Own Advice (based on Experience)
If you’re in my boat, here’s my advice:
First, your memories may be the cause. You may have been rejected multiple times in your past by your community at school, which may have imprinted a belief that you’re unworthy. While some dating and charisma coaches may tell you to use tricks to act more confident, that may only be a short-term fix. I have a better solution.
Sometimes, your confidence may be right on track with reality. Get honest feedback from socially skilled people you trust to see if your social skills are up to par. If your competence is low, your confidence should be low. As you gradually increase your competence, you can see the results and your confidence will increase.
If you have creepy social ticks you’re unaware of in your interactions, these can be identified and removed.
If you do find yourself over- or under-confident compared to your competence, it’s tougher to fix but doable.
If you’re under-confident or overly shy, keep documenting all your past achievements and read them aloud to yourself. You have to keep reminding yourself why you’re awesome so you don’t forget, which most people tend to do. In these special cases, faking it until you make it may work.
If you’re over-confident, try reminding yourself in each social interaction to be more empathetic, humble, and understanding. But most of you will fall into this group or else you wouldn’t be reading this.
Keep your goals in mind because your competence depends on your goals. If you’re looking to be more socially skilled and outgoing, experience in social settings will help your competence. But if your goal is to improve your dating, different factors influence your competence, including your physique, humor, social intelligence, and fashion. Therefore, it may be worthwhile to build these other competencies.
By seeing the positive results overtime, you can wash away the old-dated perceptions you have about yourself.
If you’re scared of talking to someone, I suggest taking baby steps. For example, you can practice with talking to only older women until you get comfortable before moving to women that are your age. By doing so, you realize that they used to be young beautiful women too and slowly learn that women aren’t so scary.
Shyness often comes from demonstrated poor performance. If we can improve our competence and practice in safe, new environments, we can see demonstrated success and our beliefs and behaviors will start changing.
I don’t have all the answers. Some severe cases of shyness or memories of past rejection may require a different remedy. In those cases, I suggest talking to a good psychiatrist; don’t be ashamed about this. Even some successful people have psychiatrists to keep them in top mental shape.
March 10, 2020
Initial thoughts:
It seems like the author wrote this for “Accessible Introverts”, her term for introverts who haven’t yet fully come to accept their introversion and who envy extroverts and pretend at extroversion. I found this helpful since I’m definitely an “accessible introvert”. I come from a family where extroverts, while not the majority, seem to set the norm for socializing, so when I come home from gatherings twisted up with self-doubt. Why can’t I be quick and witty? Why am
I so slow to respond when people ask me something? Why can’t I be on board for another activity after the main gathering? So this book was exactly what I needed. I guess I just needed to hear that I wasn’t weird or strange, and that it’s okay to listen to myself.
It seems like the author wrote this for “Accessible Introverts”, her term for introverts who haven’t yet fully come to accept their introversion and who envy extroverts and pretend at extroversion. I found this helpful since I’m definitely an “accessible introvert”. I come from a family where extroverts, while not the majority, seem to set the norm for socializing, so when I come home from gatherings twisted up with self-doubt. Why can’t I be quick and witty? Why am
I so slow to respond when people ask me something? Why can’t I be on board for another activity after the main gathering? So this book was exactly what I needed. I guess I just needed to hear that I wasn’t weird or strange, and that it’s okay to listen to myself.
June 18, 2012
I enjoy and find it beneficial to myself and others to learn about human behavior. I obviously learned a lot about introverts, but also appreciated the tidbits I picked up about extroverts. As an introvert myself, I appreciate the practical ideas Helgoe presented. They are easily applicable and gives respect to oneself and others. I think it is important to know that about 50 percent of us are introverts, but don't realize it because we are conditioned to be extroverts. Another key point was that extroverts are not anti-social and often not even shy. We just value time to ourselves, introspection, and time to think through things before being asked to share with others. This book is an excellent read for anyone interested in human behavior, those wanting to understand themselves better, and also for leaders. Leadership is a tricky thing and is trely an artform. Understanding and using the strenths of introverts and extroverts are key.
December 22, 2009
I loved this book. I always knew I was an introvert but I didn't really know the full meaning of the word and how to take advantage of it. I also didn't realize that HALF of people are introverts. I've been looking around a little more since I've read this and I 'get' people a little more now. I REALLY appreciated the insights of this book and fully intend to read it again to remind myself that it's OK that sometimes, going to a party full of people just sounds exhausting, not fun, and that I NEED to sit around in the quiet and hang out with myself sometimes in order to be the best me. What I need to work on now is making the most of my down time - exploring my inner self and creativity instead of just feeling guilty about taking down time.
March 15, 2012
It's a rare book that has me highlighting as much as this one did.
Not only is it a validation for those of us who relish and need solitude in which to recharge, but it actually celebrates it.
In a extroverted society (as a whole), it's refreshing to read of other countries and cultures where quiet introversion is more the norm. And how we, here, shouldn't have to apologize for the fact that we are the way we are.
If I had to choose one quote from this book which sums it up nicely, it's this one:
It is in your power to withdraw into yourself whenever you desire. Perfect tranquility within consists in the good ordering of the mind,-- the realm of your own.
~Marcus Aurelius
Not only is it a validation for those of us who relish and need solitude in which to recharge, but it actually celebrates it.
In a extroverted society (as a whole), it's refreshing to read of other countries and cultures where quiet introversion is more the norm. And how we, here, shouldn't have to apologize for the fact that we are the way we are.
If I had to choose one quote from this book which sums it up nicely, it's this one:
It is in your power to withdraw into yourself whenever you desire. Perfect tranquility within consists in the good ordering of the mind,-- the realm of your own.
~Marcus Aurelius
January 10, 2014
I love the honesty and truth of this book and was amazed to discover that introverts are not a minority! It was also eye opening to realize just how much negativity we associate with many aspects of introversion. Lots of aha moments in this for me and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is an introvert or wants to truly understand them.
January 4, 2018
3.5 stars. I think this was better than Quiet (which I'll bump down to 3 stars). Very practical, with self-help ideas on how to live your best life as an introvert.
February 20, 2021
This book is for people who haven't already embraced their introvert self. I didn't get much new information or inspiration from it.
November 24, 2022
More like looking through a journal about me!
“Do you have the patience to wait till my mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
Now so much makes sense- some things come by naturally and I’ve been feeling/seeing them as in need of correction WHILE clearly in nature/instincts/me- and it doesn’t need adjustment.
“Do you have the patience to wait till my mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
Now so much makes sense- some things come by naturally and I’ve been feeling/seeing them as in need of correction WHILE clearly in nature/instincts/me- and it doesn’t need adjustment.
June 26, 2013
I always heard the word introvert growing up, but never thought it had any scientific meaning. You just think of a quiet book mouse nerd who lives with their mom, has no friends, and wears big glasses. And then, a couple years ago, took the time to really look into what an introvert actually is. An introvert is a person who gains energy from being by themselves, and being around others drains it. An extrovert gets drained being alone, and needs to go around others to get energized. It's a real thing, and it's as simple as that. Introvert, that has such bad connotations... It is something we are born with and can't change, but is very discriminated against in the American Culture. You would never know that 57% yes FIFTY SEVEN PERCENT of people here are introverts. What?? Most of them don't know it, or if they do, they hide it. This book took me a REALLY long time to read and an even longer time to review. The reason was, when I was reading it, I kept going wow, wow, wow, it kind of blew my mind that yes, there ARE others who are like me. I'm not alone. I've always felt like I don't fit in anywhere, I'm too weird. But here are people who are saying and experiencing what I have, so it's not just me. Yes, I'm still weird, and yes, I still don't totally fit in, but i have, at least, a semblance of a group and a belonging. Take parties. Parties are supposed to be fun. Everyone knows that. But for some of us, they are not. I love to hang out with a small group of friends, but a party, a house full of people, just thrown in like that, I'll be the stereotype. I'll huddle in the corner, talking to the one or two people I know, counting down the time til I can leave. To an introvert, small talk is exhausting. Talking to a bunch of strangers about things we don't care about is exhausting. We'd rather be at home. We're ingrained to think we should want to go to that party, and if we don't, we're not fun. That's not true. Introverts are fun, we just sometimes have our own type of fun. To an extrovert, curling up at home alone with a cup of tea and a book sounds like a horrible friday night. To an introvert, it may be so much fun! To an extrovert, that would be draining. This book is where i learned the concept of FOMO - Fear of Missing Out. I have that in spades. If i'm at home, seeing people online checking in doing all this 'fun' stuff, even if i think well i'm enjoying myself right now, and i might not like what they're doing but WHAT IF...WHAT IF it's the most fun ever? And I'm not there?? This book teaches us that we can accept that everyone's ideas of fun are valid. This book even addresses relationships. Making friends, having a significant other, having kids. It's the ideal to have tons of friends, be partnered, and, especially if you're a woman, want kids. An introvert may enjoy her own company. May like being single. Obviously, most introverts end up not being single, or we wouldn't have 57% of us. But it's ok to be. This book teaches introvert acceptance. Introverts need to be accepted by society, yes, but also by ourselves. It teaches you how to say no to things you don't actually like, but think you should. How to not feel guilty for not liking them. I liked the part where she suggested to really indulge in your introversion for a while. This may create a yin and yang effect. This happens to me. Now that I live alone, I'll be rolling around in my aloneness like a happy pig in mud. But suddenly, I'll reach my cap. Knowing that i can be alone and have my space allows me to want to be around others. I liked the real life case study examples of introverts. However, I wish she'd included some less introverted introverts. Everyone on this book is waaay over to the introvert side. I thought I was, until I read this. I RUN a nightclub. I LOVE going out to clubs and dancing. I enjoy doing things. Their ideal world is some sorts of by themselves vacations where they meditate and write and don't talk to anyone. I would die on such a vacation. The people in this book are extreme, but I guess usually it's the extreme that gets shown. The best part about this book is that it lets you know it's ok, and not ways to try and fit in or pass as extrovert. It gives you the gumption to stick up for yourself as an introvert. I recommend this book to introverts and extroverts alike, just to get some understanding on the issue. Great book!!
July 13, 2017
An excellent portrayal of what it means to be an introvert in today's world - in our country. Given that we are about equally divided into the introvert/extrovert world, one would wonder why the differences are so important. If you are an introvert you have been receiving messages from the beginning of your life that indicate if only you would try harder you too could become an extrovert. The book explores early messaging, beliefs, expectations and self image of the introvert and how he/she can harness the power for a happier life. I enjoyed the book.
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