Gentle Chaos: Poems, Tales, and Magic

by Tyler Gaca

From the wild imagination of Tyler Gaca, also known as TikTok's Ghosthoney, comes a beautiful compendium of poems, images, personal stories, and vignettes that explore magic, queerness, Tyler’s unique story, and the enchantment and comfort to be found in the weird, the dark, and the different.

In this raw yet enchanting collection of poems, essays, photographs, and artworks, Tyler Gaca dreamily navigates themes of magic and queerness, offering readers an intimate look inside his mind and his worlds, real and imagined.

The writings in Gentle Chaos reflect on growing up queer and in love with magic, discovering yourself and your place in the world, and daring to seek out love and hope. The artworks are dedicated to salvaged antique photographs, haircuts, dead moths, the creatures we dream up, and much more. The result is a whimsical, vulnerable, and transporting journey into the gentle chaos within us all.

Genres: Poetry, Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Art, Memoir, Graphic Novels

240 pages, Hardcover

Published October 3, 2023

Reviews

[Amanda Otten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Running Press for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

To be honest, I didn’t recognize the name Tyler Gaca or Ghosthoney, but everyone who saw me reading it did know him and the responses were usually “I LOVE his videos!” Or something along those lines.

I decided not to look at any videos until after I read the book, and now I cannot wait to see more, specifically the podcast!

Now the book… it’s beautiful. That is the simple answer. For a longer response:

I feel like I picked up someone’s diary at an estate sale or an antique mall. It’s intimate, profound, elegant, and relatable. Throughout this book I would think, “wow, you too?” I felt seen and understood through the stories poetry and prose. I took my time with this book, having it with me while I drank my morning coffee, or just before going to bed. It would provoke thought and wonder, which is a lovely was to start and end the day. I will reach for this book to reread, mark favorite sections and look at the images, getting lost in their worlds.

The book itself is stunning. The photography in the book (all taken by Gaca, some are photographs of his artwork) is gorgeous and the layout flows naturally.

If you are a fan of his work, read this book. If you never heard of Tyler Gaca but want to read a beautiful book, read this one.

[Nicole Wagner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tyler, honey. You have made my chest feel warm and full. You are seen. The feelings you portray between these covers are so yin; dark, passive, almost feminine. Your photography is as enchanting as a dame disrobing behind a screen. You make many of us weirdos who don't know whether we have old souls since childhood or early onset anxiety feel less alone. When so many of us thrive in isolation but are moving through a social media obsessed society, it's nice to read your book. You've done both. You're a social media figure. But you're tender, and you appreciate the silly as much as the profound. I'm sorry that representation is so lacking for us as we are. I wish you many, many peaceful, enjoyable moments in life. I'll put this book into the hands of someone I care about.

[Isabella · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I inhaled this book, a compendium of poems, photos, and personal recollections. I felt so seen reading this, as a gay, anxiously sensitive, vaguely spiritually witchy man. Everything Gaca includes in this book filled my heart and soul with warmth and internal camaraderie.

[Virginia Montagne · Rating 5 out of 5]

These poems felt like they were written by a good friend, some even about my own life. It made me think of my own childhood and those moments that seem so small and yet are so big. It reminded me how magical life is in all its chaotic beauty and to stop, breathe, and feel those big feelings.

[Linnea · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you liked Little Weirds by Jenny Slate, I have a feeling this will be right up your alley.

[Ava Morgan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Artists’ books will always have my heart. There’s some beautiful work here, and I can imagine coming back to this whenever I feel stuck.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book has made me think and remember more than any other book i’ve read. It makes me want to create. I was so inspired throughout the whole book and i resonate with it a lot! It’s so beautiful and intimate and i loved every second of it, i wish i could read it for the first time again and again and again. But at the same time im really excited to read it for the second time and maybe feel even more inspired and find new things to relate to! i believe this book is a part of my soul now, i know i will treasure it forever.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading, I really do see magic everywhere. I am so thankful for this beautiful work of art. I feel so much more connected to myself and also to those around me. I find myself going on walks and thinking the magical way I used to when I always wore my beloved cape my grandma got me at a garage sale. This has helped me reconnect with the authenticity I had with myself when I wore that cape, and the experience can only be described as gentle chaos. I feel your authenticity and magic on every page, and I can't thank you enough, Tyler 🌿🖤🦷✨

[MJ Siebert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Feels gentle. Feels chaotic. Thank you.

I will now be scrapping my hopeless romantic identity in favor of the supremely more magical title of love witch. For weeks I’ve had this on hold online at the Seattle library (s/o to the books unbanned program), only to now finish and realize I am going to need my own physical copy on my shelf asap. This is one book I can say I will definitely be reading again. If I don’t get this book for Christmas then that’s just homophobic lol

[Abi Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a truly enchanting read that swept me into a world of vulnerable whimsy. I felt like I was seeing and feeling the human experience through a new but familiar lens, a peak into a magical world that also felt like home. One of my absolute favorite reads of the year! I was was fortunate enough to attend one of the stops on Tyler’s book tour and Gentle Chaos was even better than I anticipated after hearing him read a few pieces. Love love love this masterpiece!

[Emily Nielsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

:’)

[thisisaino · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful reminder for every artist and creative: you don't need to create constantly to be an artist. Your skills do not vanish and not every piece needs to feel magnificent and grand.

[Jessica Eskew · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an enjoyable listening experience! It would have been nice to have the written book but Tyler Gaca's voice is so soothing and I loved hearing him speak his own words.
I bought this book to support Tyler because I love his social media content but I was quite surprised at how poignant his brief memoir and poems were.

[Katherin Pope · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guy has the same type of anxiety as me !

[moondrunkmoth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like reading Gentle Chaos is like reading tea leaves. Some don't use printed cups with patterns. They use blank, unmarked white ones because you read the black formations of the leaves, but you also look to see what the images are in the white, between the spaces. Tyler Gaca's writing in Gentle Chaos is just like that. You can read what's there, what's stated in the poem and tales, but there are so many doors that his notions and musings open by the end of it. There's this whole infinite rabbit hole of wondering that gets unlocked in the white spaces between the poem's letters.
And as I write this, I realize just how perfect the title is for Tyler’s creativity.

To start with, the dedication is beautiful.

“FOR YOU.
This book is dedicated to those who never quite felt like they belong.
To my husband.
To all the women in my life.
To the kids who both loved and feared the spotlight, and were too busy making up their own games to play with others.
To those who create magic.
To family both blood related and chosen.
To those who were scared of everything as a child and now seek comfort in Halloween.
THIS BOOK IS FOR ME,
JUST AS MUCH AS IT IS FOR YOU.”

🚨🚨🚨Spoilers/Excerpts Ahead: 🚨🚨🚨

For poems, there are two in particular that have burrowed their way into my heart. The first, stick with me here, is a poem about a jellyfish from Part 5, "CURTAIN CALL." In this poem, I was fully expecting something akin to a light-hearted Ode to a Jellyfish situation, especially after the whimsy of Part 4, which delves into a lot of his video and podcast content. But the jellies—I love watching those funky little guys swim around. This poem, untitled, completely changed the way I perceive them though.

“...Maybe I'll be rewarded in my next life
if I am good

To have no ego at all
even with the potential of immortality.
Unburdened by thought
toxic but not cruel...”

The second poem I have to mention is one that has gripped me since I heard Tyler read it in the audiobook. I did the unthinkable, and I dog-eared the page in the Hardcover. Because when I re-read Gentle Chaos and flip through the pages, I will stop on that dog-ear, see “Wisteria” in Part 5, “CURTAIN CALL,” and KNOW something important was on that page.

And it’ll be so easy to remember the moment Tyler’s recitation of ‘Wisteria’ made me cry while prepping biscuits at my work. (I’m still trying to unpack why this particular poem hits me so hard, especially when Tyler reads it in the audiobook.)

“…I am not smart
Not good
Not big enough
to understand…”

Part 4, "GHOSTS AND HONEY," is the behind the scenes of the fever dream fantasy of Tyler's videos and podcast Ghosthoney's Dream Machine. It was amazing to get the lore behind Barter Fairies, who sometimes create disasters by being too generous with their help to humans, or our favorite Goblin of All Lost Things & Stuff, Rose. Learning about how Rose slowly became their own person after being gifted things especially for them, not just living on the scraps of what other people forgot, was profoundly beautiful. It's whimsical, fun, a little spoopy and silly, but you really feel for Rose. Because a lot of us can probably relate to that pivotal moment in our lives when people stopped tossing us hand-me-downs and started treating us like we were our own person, too.

There is also a poem in Part 4 titled, “A LIST OF THINGS I WISH I COULD EXPERIENCE,” where Tyler made me re-frame how I look at water somehow??<3

“I want to know how it feels to be a dewdrop running down a blade of grass until it meets another and merges with it. I am so jealous that water can experience that cohesion and I cannot.”

Part 1, "IN THE OKLAHOMA SUN," there is a tale titled, "SHIRLEY TEMPLE," in which Tyler examines his love of his childhood idol, Shirley Temple. The tale feels vulnerable, honest, with beautiful phrases describing all these different elements of her legacy and how they played a role in his life. This particular story weaves elements together from his mother bribing him with the movies, to his yearning to perform and dance as a child, and even to his experiences with heteronormativity with everyone teasing about their regular waitress, "his girlfriend" bringing a Shirley Temple drink to their table for him.

And I wasn't expecting to connect with this part of Gentle Chaos titled after the Oklahoma sun because I've never really left the foggy, dreary California coast. I didn't do combination ballet, tap, and jazz like Tyler reminisces and shares during Part 1. But I was a queer kid, and I had a family that teased me uncomfortably about adults being my "boyfriend/girlfriend." Like Tyler, I was also so scared of everything but always yearning to be up on a stage. And Shirley Temple was my favorite star to marvel at when I watched those movies, too, with my grandmother. (And my mom worked at a bar, so Shirley Temples were a part of the bribe to be good. ^^)

"How haunting it can be to learn about your heroes... It's probably best to idolize no one, to see everyone as human. To protect your heart. But you can't explain that to a little boy in Oklahoma who loves to dance and misses his mom, and all of these years later, I still feel like I am him and he is me...and drinking grenadine mixed with Sprite still feels like consuming the elixir of life."

I've struggled with feeling attached to books since growing up. When I was a kid, I read to escape everything, but as I grew older, books that hit me and changed my world became less and less. The last time I felt like a book changed my life was when I stumbled on Ruth Gendler's 'The Book of Qualities' when I was twenty-one. I needed that book as guidance at the time. And by some weird synchronicity, at thirty-one, I've found my new Book of Qualities in Tyler Gaca's 'Gentle Chaos.' And I think, again, I needed this book as guidance.

I became my own writer when I couldn’t find the type of writing I wanted to read out in the stores, and it’s been a struggle to stay engaged with things the way I once did when life was more all-consuming and magical. But I think Gentle Chaos has helped restore that magic, and it’s leading me back down a road of romanticizing the whimsy of things, of making the mundane magical again the way Studio Ghibli did.

I would say that Gentle Chaos fits perfectly alongside the cozy vibes of Howl’s Moving Castle and The Book of Qualities. They’re all reminders that we can imbue magic into our world. The way Sophie imbues magic into her hats, and Ruth gives life stories and personal histories to the emotions, I think that Tyler is totally a witch, too lol And he brings life and magic to things that people forget about running around every day, always on the move to the next.

If you don’t believe me, read Part 2, “THE FOOL IN THE MOUNTAINS,” about Tyler saving vintage photographs from the oblivion of being forgotten.

“It seems the least I can do is bring as many of them home with me as I can. Keep them safe in a wooden box under my bed, let their history become intertwined with my own.”

I think Tyler’s magic is using his creative and artistic expression to immortalize creatures, places, and people. The community he has built with his videos alone shows how seen he can make a stranger feel. I think it’s only a matter of time before the masses realize what a gem his newest creation is and how amazing it is that he can write about his experiences and make an entire sea of people feel heard, too.

[Jessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

As ethereal and thought-provoking as the legend himself 🥰 thanks Ghosthoney for yet another whimsical, cozy experience

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book felt so personal to me! This review will also be extremely personal! I loved so many things about this lil book and appreciate the obvious care that went into crafting it.

I was so excited for this release that I preordered the book, but when it arrived in October I just never got around to it. Here I am two months later, and I could not have picked this book up at a better time. As I laid on the couch in front of the Christmas tree in my childhood home, the feelings of childlike wonder, warmth, and inevitable uncertainty of life were intensified. I so closely related with a lot of sentiments that were shared through short stories and poems, even so specifically to the way the palm trees in LA made me feel and later discovering why that was.

(Trigger warning: loss) I was so emotionally moved by one specific poem that I had to stop reading for that evening. Eat Me (lol) is about grief and loss and afterlife in the form of deer eating flowers that are placed on a grave. It’s only a few lines, but it affected me so deeply. Less than a month ago my Dad died. In the cemetery he was buried in my mom and I were warned that deer often come and eat any flowers that are left there. We’ve been trying to make sure we take any flowers we receive there so the deer are able to have their little sweet treat. On the day I read this poem we had visited the cemetery and for the first time we had seen about 11 or more deer walking around eating the flowers. I showed my mom the poem, and we cried over it together.

Besides the words on the pages, I also really loved and appreciated little design elements I noticed along the way. First, the cover and inside art are beautiful. Everything was so well balanced and never felt forced or “too much”. I love the size of the book and how the text is mostly printed towards the outside of the pages so I don’t have to struggle to see everything (I’m gentle with opening my books).

When reading the physical copy, I paired it with the audiobook which was also a wonderful experience. I love when authors narrate their own stories because it makes everything sound more authentic. You can hear the emotions behind the words and also better understand the intended tone. The audiobook had ocasional music and sounds that in my opinion positively added to the overall experience and magic of what was being read.

This is probably the longest book review I will ever write, but I obviously feel very strongly. I know not everyone will feel this way, but I hope it reaches other people in the way it reached me! I will cherish it forever, and my mom will be getting a copy of her own 🩷

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a follower of Tyler/Ghosthoney so this was a gift for me for my birthday (also an October baby!). I love his content and I feel like he really speaks to my soul - as cheesy as that sounds. This book was SO WELL WRITTEN and also it felt like I was reading about a great friend. I have a lot of very weird things in common with Tyler - like my fears as a child, my need to cover my neck when I sleep, being very empathic and emotional, loving pottery, etc...so this was a joy to read. It made me feel very "seen" and like I am not alone in my weirdness.

[Taryn Imwalle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes I worry
That my heart is too big
Not in the sense that I care
Too much
But in the sense
that it wants more
than I can ever give it

A precious collection of memories, poems, art, musings, and desires. Gentle Chaos helped me process the death of a family friend, and spoke to the small, tender, haunted, creative, and too sensitive child in me who is still trying to figure everything out. I loved and savored it, reading it at the witching hour and on lunch breaks here and there. This one is for the artists.

[Mer Mendoza (Merlyn’s Book Hoard) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gentle Chaos
I listened to the audiobook while simultaneously reading through the print version. For a book that is so image heavy, I was curious to see how the audio would compare. Uniquely, the book and the audiobook each have things to offer than the other format can’t supply – instead of an old photo, the audio might have a small imagined dialogue between the photo’s subjects. An orginal handwritten old recipe has been scanned to the pages and that feeling of family nostalgia is captured in the audio as a recording from Gaca’s mother.

[Ciaran · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a wonderful thing when a book can express the feelings you struggle to put into words. Throughout the entire collection, I found myself blurred into the lines of the poems and anecdotes.
Poetry is something I have only recently acquired a taste for, and the allure has grown exponentially. In the way, one can breathe life into the landscape around them. Clutching to childlike wonder and finding magic in the mundane is what I find myself doing and feeling silly for it.
This book validates the romantic view of life and cherishing every unique identity, lost and found again.

[Devon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of whimsy, depth and a weirdness that somehow makes so much sense. I really enjoyed it. I don't remember the last time I read a poetry book but this is definitely more than just that. I felt the artistic soul throughout, in the pictures and the stories. I used to write a lot of poetry, started again recently with little slice of life observations that capture a mood. The part of me that does that thoroughly enjoyed seeing and connecting with that part of someone else. Probably the most personal book I've read in a long time.

[Vincent Doehr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this book, it felt like getting to know Tyler at a whole new level. As a person who often reflects on the tiny details of life, I'm glad that someone else is paying attention too. If I were Tyler, I would be proud of creating something so intimate and vulnerable. The fact that this brilliant collection of moments and perceptions will outlast us all is simultaneously heartbreaking and worldmoving.

[Carina Luna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love ghosthoneys whimsical violet aura as a tik toker. Found his skits to be new and refreshing, so when I heard he wrote a book, I had to get it. This book is him. I was able to remember references to his older videos and found his little stories of his childhood, both endearing and magical. An empath and a romantic for the ghosts and the tiny ferns of this earth. Ghosthoney made me see more magic in this world.

[emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

at times i found this book hard to read because it so perfectly reflected deep, uncomfortable, sometimes intimately terrifying and vulnerable feelings that oftentimes are hard for me to face. it was the perfect balance of gentle, beautiful, whimsical, honest, and heart wrenching. i feel honored to have read this book, which is something i’ve never felt before but it truly does feel like a sacred peep into someone’s innermost thoughts and feelings. 10/10, absolutely lovely read.

[Varshini · Rating 5 out of 5]

When ghosthoney did a "preorder now" video for this, I ordered it immediately - this person is the reason I got into miniatures, and they just had such a chill vibe - I'm so happy I did so, because this book is beautiful.

I'm in a very messy time of life, and this book showed me I can slow down, cherish my choices, and enjoy life even when disastrous. Some of the poems were so beautiful, and I have like tattoo ideas from some of 'em.

Will recommend highly!!

[Essie (Sarah) · Rating 4 out of 5]

For poetry this book is stunning, beautiful, & magnificent. Words that I want tattooed on my soul. I kept audibly saying “What?! Oh my godddddd.” Like, that WISTERIA POEM? 😮‍💨 Might print it out and hang it in my home. I can’t.

The other parts are nice. Pretty great even—but I have some pretty high standards when it comes to prose, hence 4 stars instead of 5.

Tyler and I feel like birds of a feather and this bearing of their souls feels like a little treasure. Love.

[Louis Fragale · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is Tyler’s life, work, and Art. Always a 5 star for someone being vulnerable.

First saw ghosthoney on social media and thought he was hilarious and became a fan, saw he was working on a book and always wanted to read it. Found it in a local book store so I bought it.

If you know anything about his personal life now, it makes the read a little somber and bitter sweet. But still just as enjoyable.

I recommend.

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dear Tyler,

Thank you for writing this book. Thank you for sharing the pictures, paintings, and poems that made me feel less small. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and kindness with the world. I’m glad to have found them.

Sincerely,
A kid who was scared of everything who grew into an adult that now finds great comfort in Halloween