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Sweet Sleep: Nighttime and Naptime Strategies for the Breastfeeding Family
Sweet Sleep is the first and most complete book on nights and naps for breastfeeding families. It’s mother-wisdom, reassurance, and a how-to guide for making sane and safe decisions on how and where your family sleeps, backed by the latest research.
It’s 4 A.M. You’ve nursed your baby five times throughout the night. You’re beyond exhausted. But where can you breastfeed safely when you might fall asleep? You’ve heard that your bed is dangerous for babies. Or is it? Is there a way to reduce the risk? Does life really have to be this hard? No, it doesn’t. Sweet Sleep is within reach. This invaluable resource will help you
• sleep better tonight in under ten minutes with the Quick Start guide—and sleep safer every night with the Safe Sleep Seven
• sort out the facts and fictions of bedsharing and SIDS
• learn about normal sleep at every age and stage, from newborn to new parent
• direct your baby toward longer sleep when he’s ready
• tailor your approach to your baby’s temperament
• uncover the hidden costs of sleep training and “cry it out” techniques
• navigate naps at home and daycare
• handle criticism from family, friends, and physicians
• enjoy stories and tips from mothers like you
• make the soundest sleep decisions for your family and your life
It’s 4 A.M. You’ve nursed your baby five times throughout the night. You’re beyond exhausted. But where can you breastfeed safely when you might fall asleep? You’ve heard that your bed is dangerous for babies. Or is it? Is there a way to reduce the risk? Does life really have to be this hard? No, it doesn’t. Sweet Sleep is within reach. This invaluable resource will help you
• sleep better tonight in under ten minutes with the Quick Start guide—and sleep safer every night with the Safe Sleep Seven
• sort out the facts and fictions of bedsharing and SIDS
• learn about normal sleep at every age and stage, from newborn to new parent
• direct your baby toward longer sleep when he’s ready
• tailor your approach to your baby’s temperament
• uncover the hidden costs of sleep training and “cry it out” techniques
• navigate naps at home and daycare
• handle criticism from family, friends, and physicians
• enjoy stories and tips from mothers like you
• make the soundest sleep decisions for your family and your life
512 pages, Paperback
First published July 29, 2014
440 people are currently reading
807 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
September 4, 2014
How about 6 stars? Eight? Ten??? This is without a doubt the absolute best book I've ever read on night-time parenting, co-sleeping and/or bedsharing (not the same thing, by the way). It gives the REAL skinny on safe sleep -- not the ineffective and insufficient mumbo-jumbo offered by the CDC, AAP, and First Candle. This is REAL life. This is where our families live. THIS is the information they need to know! It is completely and thoroughly researched -- and the side comes down heavily and positively on safe bed-sharing.
For those that insist there is no such thing as safe bed-sharing, I will say to them -- there is no such thing as safety when you are taking your baby for a ride in the car. Or your 5 year old. Or your 13 year old. Or yourself. And on occasion, there is no such thing as safe crossing the street.
Anyway, hats off and many many kudos to the four authors.
Did I mention there is humor? It is an easy read -- there are lots of stories....what's not to love about this book??
I finished the book on a flight to FL and promptly told my husband I wanted to reverse the clock 40 years and do it all over again. He wasn't terribly enthused about the idea....
For those that insist there is no such thing as safe bed-sharing, I will say to them -- there is no such thing as safety when you are taking your baby for a ride in the car. Or your 5 year old. Or your 13 year old. Or yourself. And on occasion, there is no such thing as safe crossing the street.
Anyway, hats off and many many kudos to the four authors.
Did I mention there is humor? It is an easy read -- there are lots of stories....what's not to love about this book??
I finished the book on a flight to FL and promptly told my husband I wanted to reverse the clock 40 years and do it all over again. He wasn't terribly enthused about the idea....
July 1, 2018
This book has an agenda, but if you go in knowing that, it also has a lot of good information -- and more importantly, support for parenting that is just a bit outside the mainstream.
I do wish I had read it earlier, back when I was in despair about how I would never sleep again, when I couldn't fall asleep because I was tense and bracing for the next time my son would cry in his crib, because that time always felt so near at hand.
I am a rule follower. I like to do things the way you are "supposed" to do them, or as recommended, and as a first-time, educated mother, this was especially important to me.
What I wish I had known was that the information I had received prior to having my son was incomplete, especially when it comes to the risks associated with co-sleeping. I appreciate that this book was there to fill in the gaps and to help me feel okay with a choice that was made out of desperation rather than conviction. And I also felt really gratified to have the acknowledgment that there can be a HUGE gap between what is officially recommended and how babies ACTUALLY sleep, and at the end of the day, I am a much better parent when I am a rested one.
If you have the type of baby who will sleep well while you follow all the official recommendations, CONGRATULATIONS. I would have followed the recs to the letter if it meant my baby would sleep and therefore I would, too.
Instead, I was caught in a bind afraid of doing something "wrong" and yet miserable and fraught with anxiety. This book helped assuage that.
What I didn't like about the book is that it really does PUSH for co-sleeping (as long as you fit the safe-sleep criteria) as the "best" choice for babies and families, and I think that goes too far as well. I think different babies and different families have different sleep needs and sleep styles, and it's all a matter of trial-and-error until you finally find the right fit and get that blessed sleep. So I think this book would be pretty infuriating, not to mention insulting, to a family whose baby slept better solo.
I also felt like it didn't quite take seriously enough the culture of shame and pressure surrounding co-sleeping. I am afraid to even write this review because it reveals our somewhat "non-conformist" sleeping arrangements. I am afraid of being perceived as a "bad" or "careless" mother for disregarding the traditional safe sleep recs, when nothing could be further from the truth. I am one of those mothers who evades my pediatrician's questions about sleep and who warns my husband not to tell certain people that we co-sleep and who keeps a crib in the bedroom just so people assume we use it. On the other hand, perhaps it's this very culture of shame that bred a book that comes off so strong in the other direction.
PopSugar Reading Challenge Item: A Book With Alliteration in the Title
I do wish I had read it earlier, back when I was in despair about how I would never sleep again, when I couldn't fall asleep because I was tense and bracing for the next time my son would cry in his crib, because that time always felt so near at hand.
I am a rule follower. I like to do things the way you are "supposed" to do them, or as recommended, and as a first-time, educated mother, this was especially important to me.
What I wish I had known was that the information I had received prior to having my son was incomplete, especially when it comes to the risks associated with co-sleeping. I appreciate that this book was there to fill in the gaps and to help me feel okay with a choice that was made out of desperation rather than conviction. And I also felt really gratified to have the acknowledgment that there can be a HUGE gap between what is officially recommended and how babies ACTUALLY sleep, and at the end of the day, I am a much better parent when I am a rested one.
If you have the type of baby who will sleep well while you follow all the official recommendations, CONGRATULATIONS. I would have followed the recs to the letter if it meant my baby would sleep and therefore I would, too.
Instead, I was caught in a bind afraid of doing something "wrong" and yet miserable and fraught with anxiety. This book helped assuage that.
What I didn't like about the book is that it really does PUSH for co-sleeping (as long as you fit the safe-sleep criteria) as the "best" choice for babies and families, and I think that goes too far as well. I think different babies and different families have different sleep needs and sleep styles, and it's all a matter of trial-and-error until you finally find the right fit and get that blessed sleep. So I think this book would be pretty infuriating, not to mention insulting, to a family whose baby slept better solo.
I also felt like it didn't quite take seriously enough the culture of shame and pressure surrounding co-sleeping. I am afraid to even write this review because it reveals our somewhat "non-conformist" sleeping arrangements. I am afraid of being perceived as a "bad" or "careless" mother for disregarding the traditional safe sleep recs, when nothing could be further from the truth. I am one of those mothers who evades my pediatrician's questions about sleep and who warns my husband not to tell certain people that we co-sleep and who keeps a crib in the bedroom just so people assume we use it. On the other hand, perhaps it's this very culture of shame that bred a book that comes off so strong in the other direction.
PopSugar Reading Challenge Item: A Book With Alliteration in the Title
February 6, 2017
There are some books that are life-changing because they change your outlook or understanding so dramatically that you end up overhauling your behaviour as well. In Defence of Food by Michael Pollan was one of those books for me. This is another. I wish I'd known it existed much sooner, and I hope many more people read it.
Of course parents (and their families and health professionals) should have all the best information to make informed choices about sleep arrangements and baby care in general. It's ridiculous that this isn't more widely known, especially because unplanned bedsharing is so much riskier than preparing how to do it safely.
I really appreciate that this book is very well researched, not just ideological. I'm already someone who leans more towards attachment parenting, but this showed me the science behind it - infant's stress levels and long term outcomes all being improved by bedsharing and damaged by sleep training. It also helped me understand the importance of frequent mother-baby contact, including at night. And it demonstrated how the standard baby sleep advice is based on flawed and incomplete research that doesn't account for low risk babies bedsharing in safe ways.
It's a book that helped me connect with my own parenting instincts, which I had been suppressing out of a desire to be parenting the "right way" (let someone else settle him rather than taking him when he cries because I'll be seen as too clingy and overprotective, let him cry so I can finish what I'm doing because it's important to establish boundaries early, verbally reassure him rather than go to him, etc).
My outlook and behaviour are now irrevocably changed, and I'm so glad.
Of course parents (and their families and health professionals) should have all the best information to make informed choices about sleep arrangements and baby care in general. It's ridiculous that this isn't more widely known, especially because unplanned bedsharing is so much riskier than preparing how to do it safely.
I really appreciate that this book is very well researched, not just ideological. I'm already someone who leans more towards attachment parenting, but this showed me the science behind it - infant's stress levels and long term outcomes all being improved by bedsharing and damaged by sleep training. It also helped me understand the importance of frequent mother-baby contact, including at night. And it demonstrated how the standard baby sleep advice is based on flawed and incomplete research that doesn't account for low risk babies bedsharing in safe ways.
It's a book that helped me connect with my own parenting instincts, which I had been suppressing out of a desire to be parenting the "right way" (let someone else settle him rather than taking him when he cries because I'll be seen as too clingy and overprotective, let him cry so I can finish what I'm doing because it's important to establish boundaries early, verbally reassure him rather than go to him, etc).
My outlook and behaviour are now irrevocably changed, and I'm so glad.
September 13, 2016
I figured out pretty quickly that bed sharing would not work for me. The author seemed to view the baby sleeping in a bassinette next to the bed as a poor substitute for bed sharing, so I did not find this book terribly helpful. My biggest gripe with the book was that the author downplays the SIDS risks associated with bed sharing, while emphasizing that putting your baby in daycare increases his or her risk of dying of SIDS, something I have never read or heard anywhere else. This book is probably only useful if you are certain that you want to bed share with your infant. Otherwise, it just contributes to the notion that there is only one right way to parent your child.
September 13, 2014
LLL's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is what saved me as a three day old sleep deprived mother. It suggested breastfeeding in bed, and after falling asleep in a chair with my baby and hating myself for it, I read that suggestion and did some 3am internet sleuthing for safety tips and finally got some sleep. Two years later we're still bed-sharing, I am so glad that I heeded that advice.
I read Sweet Sleep even though we're past the stage of needing most of this information because I wanted to see what LLL would say about bed-sharing. This is the book I wish someone would have handed me a month before my baby's birth, long before I was sleep deprived and had time to think rationally. Even now it's nice to know the facts and studies that back up what's been so natural for us, especially when people start to question my choices. I would recommend this and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding as must reads for any expecting (or already) parents.
I read Sweet Sleep even though we're past the stage of needing most of this information because I wanted to see what LLL would say about bed-sharing. This is the book I wish someone would have handed me a month before my baby's birth, long before I was sleep deprived and had time to think rationally. Even now it's nice to know the facts and studies that back up what's been so natural for us, especially when people start to question my choices. I would recommend this and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding as must reads for any expecting (or already) parents.
July 6, 2020
It reads like an old aunt's nagging. You hear her arguments, questioning her logic or sources here and there, but you know it is going to be too troublesome to argue with her, so you nod passively along while waiting for her to be done. At the end, you do somewhat agree with her point overall, and if you re tempted to do otherwise later, you can here her voice in your head..
Also, this book doesn't provide any strategy for sweet sleep ! In a nutshell it is "Bedsharing will provide you and your baby as much sleep as possible, because it is The Natural Way, and if it is not enough, don't worry it will get better. No need to worry about the baby not getting enough sleep, they ll sleep when they are tired " (umh what kind of unicorn baby does that?)
The Bedsharing manifesto. If you re already doing it, you won't learn anything. You might just become judging of other parents. Great. If you are not bedsharing, you will think we re all nuts. Super great.
I say this, and I am bedsharing myself and wishes it for every parent, it is great <3 - just not enough of an advice to fill a book.
Also, this book doesn't provide any strategy for sweet sleep ! In a nutshell it is "Bedsharing will provide you and your baby as much sleep as possible, because it is The Natural Way, and if it is not enough, don't worry it will get better. No need to worry about the baby not getting enough sleep, they ll sleep when they are tired " (umh what kind of unicorn baby does that?)
The Bedsharing manifesto. If you re already doing it, you won't learn anything. You might just become judging of other parents. Great. If you are not bedsharing, you will think we re all nuts. Super great.
I say this, and I am bedsharing myself and wishes it for every parent, it is great <3 - just not enough of an advice to fill a book.
December 23, 2014
My baby isn't anything like the babies this book discusses. She loves her pacifier, her swaddle, her bassinet and hates cosleeping and my Moby and Tula, and she DEFINITELY would not sleep through being moved around in a laundry basket. The book is pretty opinionated about the right way to go about parenting and according to it I'm doing it all wrong. I gave it two stars because I did appreciate the section on how to cosleep safely, despite the fact my dd isn't interested. I think the book would benefit from realizing all babies are different and there is no one right way to parent.
January 13, 2017
Not very many helpful strategies.
December 30, 2015
The helpful tips were too buried in judgey fearmongering. Couldn't hack it.
December 10, 2024
This is officially the only book I wish I’d read in preparation for motherhood. It is beautiful in its simplicity and logic of why babies need their mothers close, even (especially?) at night. It builds a wonderful case for cosleeping as the best support for your breastfeeding journey, backing up everything with studies and safety guidelines. I was one of the “I’ll never sleep with my baby” people, but we’d already been cosleeping for a while before I found this book. It took my doubts away and replaced it with a deep love for the natural beauty of sleeping beside your baby and supporting them through the night. Whether you cosleep or not, plan to or not, this book is a must read for moms. It is like your sweet aunt came over and is sharing her wisdom with you.
October 15, 2025
The book I wish I read during pregnancy
November 8, 2014
This fantastic book instils confidence to share your bed with your breastfed baby; after all it is the biological norm and perfectly safe providing you follow the safe sleep seven rules. It’s thoroughly scientifically researched, with common sense advice where research is lacking. In fact since reading the book my own breastfed family have changed sleeping habits with remarkable results. Everyone who works with mothers and babies should read it, as there’s so much misleading and counterproductive advice out there, particularly for first-time mums. It is clear from research the safest place for a healthy term breastfeeding baby is to sleep on a supportive bed with mum, indeed it is actually protective of SIDS; separate sleep should only be advised for vulnerable and/or formula fed babies.
Sweet Sleep is easy to read as broken down into separate parts and chapters; I was completely hooked once I read the magnet analogy in chapter three. It pictures mother and baby as two magnets with degrees of tension. With bottle-fed babies as anyone can feed them there’s no tension, physical or hormone connection, pulling mother and baby together. Breastfed babies instinctively kept close to their mother at all times will have no tension between them either, as their hormones are in sync. Western-style breastfeeding however causes immense tension as mothers are told not to keep baby too close- don’t feed too often, don’t hold too much, don’t bedshare or feed to sleep etc.; but no advice what to do when you and baby are shattered and need to be together but also get some sleep. This is the hardest way to mother; I can certainly vouch for that! I didn’t even attempt to bedshare for over a year, baby was a month premature and guidelines state don’t bedshare with babies born early. Sweet Sleep tackles this dilemma as there’s no research, share your bed with your older preemie when you feel baby is old and strong enough, simples! So I could, and should, have bedshared from two months but only started full-time at two and a half; we have both never slept so well and have no tension between us now, it’s amazing.
The book covers practicalities such as naps, nights, going back to work, modifying bedsharing techniques for vulnerable babies and sleep gadgets. Ages and stages deal with hospital to toddlerhood and beyond, and it’s comforting to know breastfeeding/bedsharing mothers get more sleep than both formula feeding and separate sleeping breastfeeding mums. The science of safe sleep tackles the dangers of sleep training, real risks of SIDS and suffocation (yes they are different) and controversies that have led to standardised advice which in turn leads to risky practice. The help section at the end has questions and answers, how to deal with criticism and both getting and giving help.
The only piece I don’t agree with is that hospitals certified as Baby-Friendly work hard to support breastfeeding and keeping mother and baby together through evidence based practice; unfortunately I know of some hospitals that sadly fail to deliver due to embedded cultural practice. All in all Sweet Sleep is a wonderful book and a must read for all expectant families, parents and even those with toddlers or older. It’s never too late to make amends, and my sleep is all the more sweeter for reading it.
Sweet Sleep is easy to read as broken down into separate parts and chapters; I was completely hooked once I read the magnet analogy in chapter three. It pictures mother and baby as two magnets with degrees of tension. With bottle-fed babies as anyone can feed them there’s no tension, physical or hormone connection, pulling mother and baby together. Breastfed babies instinctively kept close to their mother at all times will have no tension between them either, as their hormones are in sync. Western-style breastfeeding however causes immense tension as mothers are told not to keep baby too close- don’t feed too often, don’t hold too much, don’t bedshare or feed to sleep etc.; but no advice what to do when you and baby are shattered and need to be together but also get some sleep. This is the hardest way to mother; I can certainly vouch for that! I didn’t even attempt to bedshare for over a year, baby was a month premature and guidelines state don’t bedshare with babies born early. Sweet Sleep tackles this dilemma as there’s no research, share your bed with your older preemie when you feel baby is old and strong enough, simples! So I could, and should, have bedshared from two months but only started full-time at two and a half; we have both never slept so well and have no tension between us now, it’s amazing.
The book covers practicalities such as naps, nights, going back to work, modifying bedsharing techniques for vulnerable babies and sleep gadgets. Ages and stages deal with hospital to toddlerhood and beyond, and it’s comforting to know breastfeeding/bedsharing mothers get more sleep than both formula feeding and separate sleeping breastfeeding mums. The science of safe sleep tackles the dangers of sleep training, real risks of SIDS and suffocation (yes they are different) and controversies that have led to standardised advice which in turn leads to risky practice. The help section at the end has questions and answers, how to deal with criticism and both getting and giving help.
The only piece I don’t agree with is that hospitals certified as Baby-Friendly work hard to support breastfeeding and keeping mother and baby together through evidence based practice; unfortunately I know of some hospitals that sadly fail to deliver due to embedded cultural practice. All in all Sweet Sleep is a wonderful book and a must read for all expectant families, parents and even those with toddlers or older. It’s never too late to make amends, and my sleep is all the more sweeter for reading it.
June 25, 2023
I'm so pissed at this book right now! There are no strategies! 500+ pages on why is normal to bedshare. ok, I got it, but what should I do if my child only falls asleep while breastfed, or if he wakes up when I have to leave the bed for a while, or if I must leave during the night? I appreciate the author cites many researches and presents facts but WHERE ARE THE STRATEGIES?! Still, this is not entirely true. I should give it credit for strategies on how to talk to the critics,and how to make sure that the sleep space is safe, but you didn't need 500 pages for this! I guess my expectations were too high.
September 26, 2014
I really love this book. It's the best baby book I've had my hands on. I wish, I'd had it when my child was newborn. The support, reassurance and advise is so amazing. Would have saved me so much time, as I found this information my self scattered from different sources. I simply can't recommend this book enough. Escpecially any pregnant mom considering to breast feed and/or co sleep.
May 28, 2019
The most unhelpful, condescending, and guilt-tripping baby book yet. If you're not exclusively breastfeeding and bedsharing, you're the worst parent ever according to this book. I know there are 'alternative' ideas in the back of the book but the tone is awful for a new parent. The good tidbits of information can also be found in the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.
March 12, 2018
I needed to read this book. As a sleep-deprived mom 1 month postpartum, this provided good sleep information and peace of mind. It takes a soft approach to infant sleep (it's against cry-it-out, and in favor of sharing beds), but it's science-backed and anti-fear mongering. It has reassuring stats and information on SIDS and smothering risks, and has really helped assuage my fears, especially in the middle of the night.
February 5, 2018
A must-read for parents following an attachment parenting philosophy and interested in bedsharing. I know there are as many opinions on baby sleep as there are parents, but we’ve found this approach works well for us now and this book was very reassuring.
February 11, 2018
A book to revisit often: it has given me more insight into infant napping and nighttime sleeping among others. More importantly, it's made me feel more confident about my parenting choices (co-sleeping, bed-sharing safely, babywearing, breastfeeding, etc.) :-)
December 22, 2022
Wish I read this earlier!
This book is full of non-judgmental information about safely bed-sharing with your baby. It provides real parent stories as well as scientific evidence to support attachment based parenting.
This book is full of non-judgmental information about safely bed-sharing with your baby. It provides real parent stories as well as scientific evidence to support attachment based parenting.
November 2, 2018
I want to give this 4.5 stars and they've lost a whole half star by giving bad dog advice. Do not go to Caesar Milan for dog training. He is the Gina Ford of dogs.
Otherwise. Excellent. Saved my sanity and armed me with ammo for naysayers and we're all sleeping so much better. Breastfeeding can continue.
Otherwise. Excellent. Saved my sanity and armed me with ammo for naysayers and we're all sleeping so much better. Breastfeeding can continue.
April 3, 2020
I appreciated how this book offers a gentler more natural approach to sleep than other sleep training books.
November 5, 2021
Very validating if you have a baby that likes to wake a lot in the night. Lots of great suggestions and helpful tips for the whole family.
February 21, 2023
Before reading this book I was so desperate to “fix” my 4 month old baby’s “sleep problem” that I had started reaching out to sleep consultants for help, then I realized that for the cost of one session I can buy 10 books on sleep, luckily I chose this one to start! For breastfeeding moms this book is really a bible, it completely turns all the other sleep advice I find on the internet and I books like “what to expect” around in that it tells you it’s ok to sleep with your baby next to you in your bed, especially if you’re breastfeeding. I was so paranoid about the SIDS risk that I tried to always put her to sleep in her crib which worked until 3 months, then she hit the so called “regression” and would not sleep longer than 1-2 hour stretches, turning my nights into nightmares. I was literally afraid of night time with my baby. But ever since I started putting her in my bed in side lying breastfeeding position like the book recommends, not only do I get enough sleep (>7 hours!), I started to really cherish this time we have together and nighttime becomes a time I look forward to everyday. This book changed my view that my baby’s sleep habit is not a problem at all, it’s completely natural behavior, and there is an easy way to accommodate her needs by sleeping together. If you breastfeed, this is a must-read.
December 3, 2015
I think each parent needs to figure their own parenting style out by reading the different sleep options. For me, I knew I would never bed share with my baby.... then he arrived and I realized that I am the kind of parent who, instead of making hard and fast decisions, lets my child teach me how he's comfortable. And, for my son, there's no way he was going to feel okay about sleeping alone in a crib. He wants to be loved, nurtured, and touched 24/7. I have friends whose children are vastly different and have been comfortable sleeping in their own beds since Day 1.
That being said, I felt this book offered good tips and advice about bed sharing, and how to make it fit in with everyone's lifestyles. It was good for me to read when I did because my son has been going through some weird sleep patterns that have worn me down. The book made me feel good about my decision to bed share, and helped me keep a positive outlook on my own restlessness. I really began thinking about our family's needs as a unit and as individuals, and I'm so glad we can experience this period of closeness. Someday my little guy will want his own space and he'll slowly push me away, but I will always cherish our nighttime cuddles and morning playtime as we're waking up.
Thanks to La Leche League for publishing a fine work on attachment parenting. It may not be every mother's style, but it's mine, and it's so nice to know that what feels right is also normal.
That being said, I felt this book offered good tips and advice about bed sharing, and how to make it fit in with everyone's lifestyles. It was good for me to read when I did because my son has been going through some weird sleep patterns that have worn me down. The book made me feel good about my decision to bed share, and helped me keep a positive outlook on my own restlessness. I really began thinking about our family's needs as a unit and as individuals, and I'm so glad we can experience this period of closeness. Someday my little guy will want his own space and he'll slowly push me away, but I will always cherish our nighttime cuddles and morning playtime as we're waking up.
Thanks to La Leche League for publishing a fine work on attachment parenting. It may not be every mother's style, but it's mine, and it's so nice to know that what feels right is also normal.
April 6, 2019
Had I read this book before our son was born I would have done things differently or, at the very least, this would have spared me much anxiety when inevitably he ended up in our bed at night. Prior to reading this I was in fear over all the SIDS warnings and fell prey to the "never ever ever let your baby sleep in your bed" campaigning. Sleeping separately didn't feel natural, my son was distressed sleeping on a separate surface, I lost more sleep trying to keep him out of our bed, and I put him in more risky situations trying to stay awake while nursing in a rocking chair repeatedly throughout the night. One or two family members suggested I put him in our bed at night but I was lacking the information on how to do that safely. This book has a lot of great, research-based information that explains why the SIDS warnings are skewed, for lack of a better word, and gives you the knowledge and confidence you need to safely bedshare.
Even if, like me, you start out thinking you will never sleep alongside your baby in your bed, whether that decision is out of fear or preference, I recommend reading this book. It will give you the tools to prepare for safe sleep in case it happens during those numerous middle of the night feedings/wakings.
Even if, like me, you start out thinking you will never sleep alongside your baby in your bed, whether that decision is out of fear or preference, I recommend reading this book. It will give you the tools to prepare for safe sleep in case it happens during those numerous middle of the night feedings/wakings.
June 5, 2025
Updating my review as this turned out to be one of the most helpful and sane resources postpartum. The content on SIDS was especially helpful and not info I was able to find easily elsewhere. It’s nice to see a perspective that’s more relaxed on the baby’s milestones around sleeping through the night, and that encourages following the baby’s needs. It’s a refreshing alternative to the intense sleep training books that are all the rage these days, and that discard the baby’s developmental needs and centuries of child rearing tradition.
I still worry this approach seems a bit unrealistic for parents who work, and the book kind of writes that off like “oh yeah if you’re both working this will be hard, try to figure it.”
I still worry this approach seems a bit unrealistic for parents who work, and the book kind of writes that off like “oh yeah if you’re both working this will be hard, try to figure it.”
January 26, 2021
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my baby and started bedsharing with her when she was about a month old. It was the only way I was able to stay sane having her in our room (which the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends for the first year).
After about month six, my baby's sleep got crazy. Bedsharing generally worked for me, but waking up for the day between 4 and 5 a.m.? Yeah, no.
I became desperate and scoured the internet for solutions. There was such disparate information out there, though, that I came away even more confused. Keep doing what I was doing (and eventually stab myself in the face out of sheer sleep deprivation)? Put my baby on a schedule (yeah, right)? Stop nursing at night (except that my baby sleeps over ten hours in a row a lot of the time anyway, so… why?)? Stop nursing to sleep so that I could transition her to her own bed (except that I wasn't ready to do that and didn't really want to)?
The pressure was on in other ways as well. I already knew from reading reputable non-American websites about co-sleeping (as in bedsharing), such as UNICEF's, that the way I was sleeping with my baby was safe--I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs; I have a firm mattress with a very light blanket; and I'm sleeping with her on a bed, not a couch or chair. However, even though I didn't get flack from other people about safety, I did start to find that friends from my parents' generation had begun to make comments about letting the baby "get her way" too much, that she would never leave my bed, that bedsharing wasn't good for her "psychological development," yadda yadda.
Well, to deal with the timing problem, I ended up using a sleep tracker app to figure out exactly how much she was sleeping at night now, then count backwards based on when I wanted her to wake up and nudge her to the desired bedtime. This didn't mean putting her on any strict schedule during the day, though--just making sure she got enough naps and didn't get overtired from staying awake too long between sleeps.
Reading this book didn't help me do that, but it did help me with the mental stress of reading too many websites and listening to too many people who thought they knew what was best for me and my baby.
The book is a research-based huge affirmation for mothers who are breastfeeding and bedsharing. It explains in detail why (and *how*) bedsharing, done safely, does not actually increase the risk of SIDS or even suffocation (which is not the same thing as SIDS at all--research studies are all over the place in conflating the two as well as the definition of "co-sleeping").
It suggests even to mothers who never want to co-sleep that making your bed safe for it is important anyway. What if you fall asleep nursing the baby? It also stresses the importance of American physicians becoming more willing to have nuanced conversations about the topic. For example, many people don't know that falling asleep on a couch or chair with a baby carries *vastly* more risk than on a bed following safe sleep guidelines, yet that is exactly what can happen when well-meaning new parents are trying to avoid bringing their babies into bed. I know that in the early days for me, there was more than one time I nodded off with my daughter on the couch. Since studies mix up couches and beds in the definitions of "co-sleeping," though, this completely confuses the issue--and American pediatricians don't usually talk about that.
The book addresses the history of advice on breastfeeding and bedsharing. It's been all over the map for the past three hundred years or so. Particularly in the early half of the twentieth century, American mothers were told, usually by male doctors, that they must put their babies on a strict schedule and let them "learn" to go to sleep alone so that they could become independent. Anything that helped them sleep, such as breastfeeding, was a harmful crutch. I saw many websites echoing this way of thinking and now I know where it comes from--know-nothing doctors from my grandparents' generation.
More recent research on leaving babies alone to cry has shown that when they stop crying, it's because they have given up hope that anyone will respond. Their bodies are still flooded with stress hormones, which can have long-term emotional and physical health consequences. Some cry-it-out methods even tell parents that letting your baby cry until they vomit is normal(!)
The authors offer some good strategies and talking points to deal with pushy people who think you should parent differently (I liked the RRID acronym--Respect Reflect Inspect Deflect).
Ultimately, the only thing this book didn't really help me with was my original problem. In fact, the authors suggest that baby sleep problems are not actually problems, but part of normal development--that historically, people didn't sleep straight through the night anyway, so what the hey, just go to bed early and stop watching the clock when your baby wakes up at ungodly hours. Um, sorry, no. Just no. Waking up at 4 a.m. and taking over an hour to go back to sleep was making me crazy and totally non-functional. And we're not talking about a newborn--we're talking about a six-month-old. Luckily, the book does acknowledge that if something is no longer working, babies at that age and older can be "nudgeable" into new habits, and mine was. Thank God.
After about month six, my baby's sleep got crazy. Bedsharing generally worked for me, but waking up for the day between 4 and 5 a.m.? Yeah, no.
I became desperate and scoured the internet for solutions. There was such disparate information out there, though, that I came away even more confused. Keep doing what I was doing (and eventually stab myself in the face out of sheer sleep deprivation)? Put my baby on a schedule (yeah, right)? Stop nursing at night (except that my baby sleeps over ten hours in a row a lot of the time anyway, so… why?)? Stop nursing to sleep so that I could transition her to her own bed (except that I wasn't ready to do that and didn't really want to)?
The pressure was on in other ways as well. I already knew from reading reputable non-American websites about co-sleeping (as in bedsharing), such as UNICEF's, that the way I was sleeping with my baby was safe--I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs; I have a firm mattress with a very light blanket; and I'm sleeping with her on a bed, not a couch or chair. However, even though I didn't get flack from other people about safety, I did start to find that friends from my parents' generation had begun to make comments about letting the baby "get her way" too much, that she would never leave my bed, that bedsharing wasn't good for her "psychological development," yadda yadda.
Well, to deal with the timing problem, I ended up using a sleep tracker app to figure out exactly how much she was sleeping at night now, then count backwards based on when I wanted her to wake up and nudge her to the desired bedtime. This didn't mean putting her on any strict schedule during the day, though--just making sure she got enough naps and didn't get overtired from staying awake too long between sleeps.
Reading this book didn't help me do that, but it did help me with the mental stress of reading too many websites and listening to too many people who thought they knew what was best for me and my baby.
The book is a research-based huge affirmation for mothers who are breastfeeding and bedsharing. It explains in detail why (and *how*) bedsharing, done safely, does not actually increase the risk of SIDS or even suffocation (which is not the same thing as SIDS at all--research studies are all over the place in conflating the two as well as the definition of "co-sleeping").
It suggests even to mothers who never want to co-sleep that making your bed safe for it is important anyway. What if you fall asleep nursing the baby? It also stresses the importance of American physicians becoming more willing to have nuanced conversations about the topic. For example, many people don't know that falling asleep on a couch or chair with a baby carries *vastly* more risk than on a bed following safe sleep guidelines, yet that is exactly what can happen when well-meaning new parents are trying to avoid bringing their babies into bed. I know that in the early days for me, there was more than one time I nodded off with my daughter on the couch. Since studies mix up couches and beds in the definitions of "co-sleeping," though, this completely confuses the issue--and American pediatricians don't usually talk about that.
The book addresses the history of advice on breastfeeding and bedsharing. It's been all over the map for the past three hundred years or so. Particularly in the early half of the twentieth century, American mothers were told, usually by male doctors, that they must put their babies on a strict schedule and let them "learn" to go to sleep alone so that they could become independent. Anything that helped them sleep, such as breastfeeding, was a harmful crutch. I saw many websites echoing this way of thinking and now I know where it comes from--know-nothing doctors from my grandparents' generation.
More recent research on leaving babies alone to cry has shown that when they stop crying, it's because they have given up hope that anyone will respond. Their bodies are still flooded with stress hormones, which can have long-term emotional and physical health consequences. Some cry-it-out methods even tell parents that letting your baby cry until they vomit is normal(!)
The authors offer some good strategies and talking points to deal with pushy people who think you should parent differently (I liked the RRID acronym--Respect Reflect Inspect Deflect).
Ultimately, the only thing this book didn't really help me with was my original problem. In fact, the authors suggest that baby sleep problems are not actually problems, but part of normal development--that historically, people didn't sleep straight through the night anyway, so what the hey, just go to bed early and stop watching the clock when your baby wakes up at ungodly hours. Um, sorry, no. Just no. Waking up at 4 a.m. and taking over an hour to go back to sleep was making me crazy and totally non-functional. And we're not talking about a newborn--we're talking about a six-month-old. Luckily, the book does acknowledge that if something is no longer working, babies at that age and older can be "nudgeable" into new habits, and mine was. Thank God.
October 10, 2014
Great book every new parent needs it . Theres so much pressure these days to have a "routine" and not have "bad habits" . I contributed to this book so am slightly biased ;-)
May 20, 2016
Tons of great information! I learned a lot about normal infant sleep :)
June 6, 2016
I wish I read this book when I was pregnant and I think everybody should read this.
In particular, I really liked the precise and clear style of writing. The book is well researched too.
In particular, I really liked the precise and clear style of writing. The book is well researched too.
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