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Mating for Life
With pitch-perfect honesty and heartwarming humor, this captivating debut explores marriage, motherhood, identity, and what it takes to love someone—family members, friends, or spouses—for life.
Former folk singer Helen Sear was a feminist wild child who proudly disdained monogamy, raising three daughters—each by a different father—largely on her own. Now in her sixties, Helen has fallen in love with a traditional man who desperately wants to marry her. And while she fears losing him, she’s equally afraid of abandoning everything she’s ever stood for if she goes through with it.
Meanwhile, Helen’s youngest daughter, Liane, is in the heady early days of a relationship with her soul mate. But he has an ex-wife and two kids, and her new role as a “step-something” doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Ilsa, an artist, has put her bohemian past behind her and is fervently hoping her second marriage will stick. Yet her world feels like it is slowly shrinking, and her painting is suffering as a result—and she realizes she may need to break free again, even if it means disrupting the lives of her two young children. And then there’s Fiona, the eldest sister, who has worked tirelessly to make her world pristine, yet who still doesn’t feel at peace. When she discovers her husband has been harboring a huge secret, Fiona loses her tenuous grip on happiness and is forced to face some truths about herself that she’d rather keep buried.
Interweaving the alternating perspectives of Helen, her daughters, and the women surrounding them, “each new chapter brings a wise and tender look at single life, dating rituals, and marital unease” (New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Close). In this “absolute feat of storytelling” (bestselling author Grace O'Connell), Marissa Stapley celebrates the many roles modern women play, and shows that even though happy endings aren’t one-size-fits-all, some loves really can last for life.
Former folk singer Helen Sear was a feminist wild child who proudly disdained monogamy, raising three daughters—each by a different father—largely on her own. Now in her sixties, Helen has fallen in love with a traditional man who desperately wants to marry her. And while she fears losing him, she’s equally afraid of abandoning everything she’s ever stood for if she goes through with it.
Meanwhile, Helen’s youngest daughter, Liane, is in the heady early days of a relationship with her soul mate. But he has an ex-wife and two kids, and her new role as a “step-something” doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Ilsa, an artist, has put her bohemian past behind her and is fervently hoping her second marriage will stick. Yet her world feels like it is slowly shrinking, and her painting is suffering as a result—and she realizes she may need to break free again, even if it means disrupting the lives of her two young children. And then there’s Fiona, the eldest sister, who has worked tirelessly to make her world pristine, yet who still doesn’t feel at peace. When she discovers her husband has been harboring a huge secret, Fiona loses her tenuous grip on happiness and is forced to face some truths about herself that she’d rather keep buried.
Interweaving the alternating perspectives of Helen, her daughters, and the women surrounding them, “each new chapter brings a wise and tender look at single life, dating rituals, and marital unease” (New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Close). In this “absolute feat of storytelling” (bestselling author Grace O'Connell), Marissa Stapley celebrates the many roles modern women play, and shows that even though happy endings aren’t one-size-fits-all, some loves really can last for life.
336 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2014
117 people are currently reading
2752 people want to read
About the author
Marissa Stapley
11 books1,066 followersMarissa Stapley is the NYT bestselling author of the novels Lucky (a Reese's Book Club pick), The Last Resort, Things to Do When It's Raining, and Mating for life. Her fiction has been published around the world and her journalism has appeared in magazines and newspapers across North America. She has taught creative writing and editing at the University of Toronto and Centennial College, and lives in Toronto with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 151 reviews
June 25, 2014
"One of the most heartwarming and charming novels I've read in 2014 is "Mating for Life" by Marissa Stapley which I won from Goodreads Giveaways. As the story opens Liane, the youngest daughter of former folksinger Helen Sear is vacationing at the family cottage. Her plan is to finish her thesis, to reflect on the stability of her relationship with the staid and self-centered son of the dean, and to confront a tragedy in her past that threatens her future happiness. But like her mother and sisters she's dissatisfied with her life, finds happiness fleeting, and love just out of her reach.
In a story that looks at dating rituals and broken marriages, Helen Sears is the matriarch of a family that must re-evaluate its convictions about love, commitment and personal relationships. A feminist who has three children with different fathers Helen has always scorned monogamy but she's fallen in love with a traditional man who equates passion and commitment with marriage. Although she yearns for happiness she has to decide if she can abandon her long held belief. Her daughter Ilsa, an accomplished artist married to a man years older is restless and dissatisfied with a second marriage that's produced two children but has lost its spark, while her older sister Fiona's marriage which seemed so strong and loving has been eroded by a secret from her husband's past. All these women ache for lasting love and a happily-ever -after ending only to be hampered by modern day beliefs, secrets, and lies that may hinder their deepest desire. What they will come to discover is that true love once found is a work in progress. It not only has to be savoured but worked at, if it's to last.
This well-written, emotionally-charged plot is captivating from beginning to end as it explores love, marriage, motherhood, independence and family relationships. With stark honesty Marissa Stapley weaves together the different perspectives of Helen, her daughters and other women in their lives as they not only seek a soul mate and lasting love but a relationship which isn't to be taken for granted, one which will be enriched by their individualism. The narrative flows quickly and smoothly as events - tragedy, marital troubles, betrayal and secrets-overwhelm the women, and they cling to the security, understanding and love of each other to carry them through.
Like the plot the characters are well-developed and complex adding drama, passion and power to the story. Helen is an uninhibited free spirit who finds she must be somewhat changeable and malleable if she's to retain the love of Iain, the retired agricultural museum curator who makes her happy. In contrast to Helen Iain holds fast to his traditional ideas about love and marriage. He's a likeable man who's humble, self-aware, passionate and funny. Ilse Bisette is a beautiful artistic woman suffocating in her marriage to Michael who's uncommunicative and distant, too wrapped up in his business. She's seductive, self-assured but guilt-ridden by her need for a stimulating sexual fling. Her sister Fiona Sherman who's been ignored since childhood by her rock star father, tries to mitigate her feelings of inadequacy by being regimented,organized and in control. In love with her best friend and confidant Tim, she's suddenly faced with a secret from his past that could destroy their happiness. Only when tragedy strikes does Fiona begin to re-evaluate her priorities and her marriage. Liane, the youngest of Helen's children plagued by the suicide of her father and fear of inheriting his weakness is an intelligent academic and realist who's very analytical about life but takes a another chance on love. With deep cracks and pain in their lives each one of the characters shows courage and tenacity to move forward and reach out for what they want.
I thoroughly enjoyed "Mating for Life" and welcome the opportunity to recommend this enthralling story to others.
In a story that looks at dating rituals and broken marriages, Helen Sears is the matriarch of a family that must re-evaluate its convictions about love, commitment and personal relationships. A feminist who has three children with different fathers Helen has always scorned monogamy but she's fallen in love with a traditional man who equates passion and commitment with marriage. Although she yearns for happiness she has to decide if she can abandon her long held belief. Her daughter Ilsa, an accomplished artist married to a man years older is restless and dissatisfied with a second marriage that's produced two children but has lost its spark, while her older sister Fiona's marriage which seemed so strong and loving has been eroded by a secret from her husband's past. All these women ache for lasting love and a happily-ever -after ending only to be hampered by modern day beliefs, secrets, and lies that may hinder their deepest desire. What they will come to discover is that true love once found is a work in progress. It not only has to be savoured but worked at, if it's to last.
This well-written, emotionally-charged plot is captivating from beginning to end as it explores love, marriage, motherhood, independence and family relationships. With stark honesty Marissa Stapley weaves together the different perspectives of Helen, her daughters and other women in their lives as they not only seek a soul mate and lasting love but a relationship which isn't to be taken for granted, one which will be enriched by their individualism. The narrative flows quickly and smoothly as events - tragedy, marital troubles, betrayal and secrets-overwhelm the women, and they cling to the security, understanding and love of each other to carry them through.
Like the plot the characters are well-developed and complex adding drama, passion and power to the story. Helen is an uninhibited free spirit who finds she must be somewhat changeable and malleable if she's to retain the love of Iain, the retired agricultural museum curator who makes her happy. In contrast to Helen Iain holds fast to his traditional ideas about love and marriage. He's a likeable man who's humble, self-aware, passionate and funny. Ilse Bisette is a beautiful artistic woman suffocating in her marriage to Michael who's uncommunicative and distant, too wrapped up in his business. She's seductive, self-assured but guilt-ridden by her need for a stimulating sexual fling. Her sister Fiona Sherman who's been ignored since childhood by her rock star father, tries to mitigate her feelings of inadequacy by being regimented,organized and in control. In love with her best friend and confidant Tim, she's suddenly faced with a secret from his past that could destroy their happiness. Only when tragedy strikes does Fiona begin to re-evaluate her priorities and her marriage. Liane, the youngest of Helen's children plagued by the suicide of her father and fear of inheriting his weakness is an intelligent academic and realist who's very analytical about life but takes a another chance on love. With deep cracks and pain in their lives each one of the characters shows courage and tenacity to move forward and reach out for what they want.
I thoroughly enjoyed "Mating for Life" and welcome the opportunity to recommend this enthralling story to others.
March 18, 2014
Mating for Life is a story about three sisters and their mother, their relationships with each other, and their successes and failures in finding a mate with whom to share their life. By interweaving the events of their lives and alternating the narrative among the main characters, Stapley keeps the story moving along at a brisk pace, which will make you want to keep reading the book without putting it down.
While the stories and characters are interesting in themselves, Stapley's real success is tapping into something deeper about the meaning and nature of relationships, both among the sisters and mother, and between men and women, and their ability to form lasting, committed, romantic relationships. The characters, the men as well as the women, are struggling with fundamental issues in any relationship: how much you can give of yourself to a relationship, how true to yourself do you have to be, and whether satisfying yourself and being happy is first and foremost a prerequisite to a healthy relationship. Collectively, the characters experience the full range of good and bad in relationships. As a result, most readers should be able to relate to one of the characters. It may also force you to contemplate why some relationships work while others don't, and what's required for a successful one.
While the main characters are women, and the book may be thought of as "chik-lit" as a result, these issues are equally relevant to men, and hold universal appeal. In short, the book accomplishes the feat of being both an enjoyable read and making you a little more thoughtful about relationships in the process.
While the stories and characters are interesting in themselves, Stapley's real success is tapping into something deeper about the meaning and nature of relationships, both among the sisters and mother, and between men and women, and their ability to form lasting, committed, romantic relationships. The characters, the men as well as the women, are struggling with fundamental issues in any relationship: how much you can give of yourself to a relationship, how true to yourself do you have to be, and whether satisfying yourself and being happy is first and foremost a prerequisite to a healthy relationship. Collectively, the characters experience the full range of good and bad in relationships. As a result, most readers should be able to relate to one of the characters. It may also force you to contemplate why some relationships work while others don't, and what's required for a successful one.
While the main characters are women, and the book may be thought of as "chik-lit" as a result, these issues are equally relevant to men, and hold universal appeal. In short, the book accomplishes the feat of being both an enjoyable read and making you a little more thoughtful about relationships in the process.
October 31, 2016
I'll call Mating for Life a Must Read for Life. I was moved by this rich, multi-layered story of relationships -- particularly those of Helen, an aging, always independent, always single 1960s rock singer and her three daughters. Fiona, Ilsa, and Liane had different fathers, whom they did not know. Their relationships with each other, their mother, and their husbands (or in Liane's case, her lover) are fraught with challenges and decisions to be made -- to leave, to strike out on one's own, to forgive, to stay. Even Helen must decide the importance of her relationship with a good and gentle man she loves and who wants this nontraditional woman to marry him. As these authentic, relatable, intelligent characters move through the tumultuous plot of this sophisticated novel, I ached for all of them, longing with them for redemption and resolution. No spoilers here. But do read this excellent novel.
March 13, 2014
I received an advance review copy of this book.
Mating for Life is something of an ironic title for this novel, since it's something none of its characters seem to do very well. And are there characters! Meet hippie folksinger mom Helen, her three daughters (all by different fathers, none of whom married mom), their spouses and lovers and kids, the guy who runs the marina and his current live-in honey (and why are they even part of this story?), the local agriculture expert, the illegitimate daughter of one of the husbands who lives in Vienna, and a random few friends and neighbors. This book contains too many people for the amount of character development the author is willing to invest. Too many characters, too many subplots - the book has a very scatter-shot feel. The vignettes at the beginning of each chapter on the mating habits of a variety of non-human animals were interesting, but increased the feeling that what one was likely to find in Mating for Life was anything but.
Mating for Life is something of an ironic title for this novel, since it's something none of its characters seem to do very well. And are there characters! Meet hippie folksinger mom Helen, her three daughters (all by different fathers, none of whom married mom), their spouses and lovers and kids, the guy who runs the marina and his current live-in honey (and why are they even part of this story?), the local agriculture expert, the illegitimate daughter of one of the husbands who lives in Vienna, and a random few friends and neighbors. This book contains too many people for the amount of character development the author is willing to invest. Too many characters, too many subplots - the book has a very scatter-shot feel. The vignettes at the beginning of each chapter on the mating habits of a variety of non-human animals were interesting, but increased the feeling that what one was likely to find in Mating for Life was anything but.
February 4, 2024
I don't know. I didn't think I liked it and then I did. Kind of like it could be real life but not. I had a hard time starting it but am now happy I did
March 4, 2014
This novel is told from different perspectives, primarily those of Helen and her adult daughters. Helen was a famous folk singer in the 1970's and she was known for her fairly strident feminist perspective that women did not need men. She herself had three daughters, each from a different father. She raised them all by herself without any men in the picture.
The oldest daughter, Fiona, strives for perfection. She is married to Tim who is a very ethical man. However, he has a secret and when it comes out, Fiona realizes that their life is not perfect as she thought it was and this places their marriage in jeopardy.
Ilsa is a blocked artist who is in a stifling marriage. She is struggling with her desires to go outside her marriage for sexual fulfillment and intimacy. She has even gone so far, year ago, to try and seduce Fiona's husband.
Liane, a college professor, has found the love of her live but she is struggling with how to step-parent. She also isn't sure if marriage is what she wants.
The novel has some interesting premises but lacks cohesiveness and good characterization. I could not identify or empathize with any of the characters because they were so two-dimensional. The author tells the reader everything without allowing the reader to form opinions and let information flow organically from actions and thought. The novel misses its mark by a long shot.
The oldest daughter, Fiona, strives for perfection. She is married to Tim who is a very ethical man. However, he has a secret and when it comes out, Fiona realizes that their life is not perfect as she thought it was and this places their marriage in jeopardy.
Ilsa is a blocked artist who is in a stifling marriage. She is struggling with her desires to go outside her marriage for sexual fulfillment and intimacy. She has even gone so far, year ago, to try and seduce Fiona's husband.
Liane, a college professor, has found the love of her live but she is struggling with how to step-parent. She also isn't sure if marriage is what she wants.
The novel has some interesting premises but lacks cohesiveness and good characterization. I could not identify or empathize with any of the characters because they were so two-dimensional. The author tells the reader everything without allowing the reader to form opinions and let information flow organically from actions and thought. The novel misses its mark by a long shot.
May 21, 2014
I received this book as the result of a FirstReads giveaway.
This is a wonderful book that delves into the lives of several sisters and their mother.(Their romantic lives that is.) It isn't your average romance which is why I labeled this book as good old fiction!
The characters are believable, coming from a large family myself, I recognize the dynamics within the female sibling/parental roles. Stapley is able to deliver them to you the same way that you would perceive them in real life. (There is always one trying to run everything and another trying to prove they can do it on their own while another may desire what another has and so on.)
The book has a nice flow to it. While each chapter is about another character, characters do interact with each other throughout. A conflict arises for each female and she will have her own moment of clarity where she figures out how to find her own definition of love.
The editing was well done. Each chapter does begin with an interesting tidbit from the animal world on their mating habits proving that perhaps humans aren't so different.
A great summer read!
This is a wonderful book that delves into the lives of several sisters and their mother.(Their romantic lives that is.) It isn't your average romance which is why I labeled this book as good old fiction!
The characters are believable, coming from a large family myself, I recognize the dynamics within the female sibling/parental roles. Stapley is able to deliver them to you the same way that you would perceive them in real life. (There is always one trying to run everything and another trying to prove they can do it on their own while another may desire what another has and so on.)
The book has a nice flow to it. While each chapter is about another character, characters do interact with each other throughout. A conflict arises for each female and she will have her own moment of clarity where she figures out how to find her own definition of love.
The editing was well done. Each chapter does begin with an interesting tidbit from the animal world on their mating habits proving that perhaps humans aren't so different.
A great summer read!
September 19, 2014
I received a copy of Mating for Life by Marissa Stapley in exchange for an honest review.
This book covers the lives of Helen Sear who was a former folk singer and a feminist, who raised three daughters on her own. Each of Helen's daughters has a different father and Helen has never believed in monogamy, even now that she's met someone who wants to marry her. Although she is afraid he won't understand why she refuses to get married she's afraid to be considered a sell-out if she does. Helen's three daughters are trying to find their own way in love, and to make their own decisions in spite of everything they have learned from their mother. Everyone's perspective is eye-opening and explores the choices we all make - be it to remain single or marry. The daughters are all relatable in their varying stages of life and it is an in depth look at why some of us make the decisions we do and what we would sacrifice to keep what we have.
This book covers the lives of Helen Sear who was a former folk singer and a feminist, who raised three daughters on her own. Each of Helen's daughters has a different father and Helen has never believed in monogamy, even now that she's met someone who wants to marry her. Although she is afraid he won't understand why she refuses to get married she's afraid to be considered a sell-out if she does. Helen's three daughters are trying to find their own way in love, and to make their own decisions in spite of everything they have learned from their mother. Everyone's perspective is eye-opening and explores the choices we all make - be it to remain single or marry. The daughters are all relatable in their varying stages of life and it is an in depth look at why some of us make the decisions we do and what we would sacrifice to keep what we have.
March 17, 2014
This book is like sitting down and having a great conversation with a lifelong girlfriend. It encompasses all parts of women’s lives and their relationships. This novel is guaranteed to make you laugh and cry, and have every other emotion in between. I loved it because of the relationships and the emotions, its characters and their stories. I felt like the author made me an active part of the story, not someone who was watching the action from a distance. I loved that the chapters wove the different characters into a tapestry made from their challenges and triumphs, and above all the love they have for each other. Stapley obviously loves to read with her references to books and the reading life. I also found interesting that at the beginning of each chapter, she included how different animals mate. It’s a book that touched my heart and I will remember for a long time. I received this book as an ARC.
September 15, 2014
The start of this book was good and I thought I was really going to enjoy reading it. Sadly, I got about half way and put the book down. I thought about going back to the book and starting reading it again but realized that I had no real interest in reading anymore. The three sisters and their mother, Helen did not captivate me with their lives. The only one that kind of did was Liane. I found the rest of them drab. Plus, instead of letting me savor the three sister's stories, the author felt the need to rush the story along with lots of details and secondary characters and voices. If the author had slowed the story down some and did not interject all of the other voices, this book would have been way better. I did see promise in it.
November 25, 2017
Such a great book - love Marissa Stapley's writing, character development and the magical setting of this book!
June 26, 2023
Like slipping into a treasured sweater, this book will wrap you up in layers of emotion, familiarity and warmth, as you come to know, and love, the characters in this book.
Sisters Liane, Ilsa, and Fiona, each in their thirties, are the children of Helen, a successful folk-singer of the sixties. Each of the sisters are the product of different relationships of Helen, none of which have resulted in the long-term presence of a father in any of their lives. In Fiona’s case, in fact, although she is very familiar with who her father is, (a famous rock musician), they have never actually met. This lack of fatherhood and its outcomes informs each of the sister's inner worlds. Each have, as a result, developed their own uniquely painful vulnerabilities, insecurities and fears, along with a savagely complicated emotional dependency on each other. Anxious Liane, flighty Ilsa and perfection-seeking Fiona struggle in their own way with both the fleetingness and the fierceness of their love for their mates, and the concept, colored by their bohemian upbringing, of motherhood.
Loving, leaving, lying, hoping, cheating, yearning, fearing and hurting - in this story each woman, including Helen, opens her heart to us in her own third person POV - in chapters that read like emotional vignettes, each unveiling one more layer of complicated chaos that captures the push and pull and ultimately the tenuous nature of modern-day love beautifully, as the family bonds that hold them together wiggle and sway, yet ultimately hold these fractured lives together.
I couldn’t have loved this book more deeply, a moving and beautifully rendered look at love and trust and promises - given, lacking, or critically broken - and what, if at all even possible, "mating for life" could actually entail.
A fabulous book-club read, this reader will be looking to enjoy more of the works of this wonderful author.
Sisters Liane, Ilsa, and Fiona, each in their thirties, are the children of Helen, a successful folk-singer of the sixties. Each of the sisters are the product of different relationships of Helen, none of which have resulted in the long-term presence of a father in any of their lives. In Fiona’s case, in fact, although she is very familiar with who her father is, (a famous rock musician), they have never actually met. This lack of fatherhood and its outcomes informs each of the sister's inner worlds. Each have, as a result, developed their own uniquely painful vulnerabilities, insecurities and fears, along with a savagely complicated emotional dependency on each other. Anxious Liane, flighty Ilsa and perfection-seeking Fiona struggle in their own way with both the fleetingness and the fierceness of their love for their mates, and the concept, colored by their bohemian upbringing, of motherhood.
Loving, leaving, lying, hoping, cheating, yearning, fearing and hurting - in this story each woman, including Helen, opens her heart to us in her own third person POV - in chapters that read like emotional vignettes, each unveiling one more layer of complicated chaos that captures the push and pull and ultimately the tenuous nature of modern-day love beautifully, as the family bonds that hold them together wiggle and sway, yet ultimately hold these fractured lives together.
I couldn’t have loved this book more deeply, a moving and beautifully rendered look at love and trust and promises - given, lacking, or critically broken - and what, if at all even possible, "mating for life" could actually entail.
A fabulous book-club read, this reader will be looking to enjoy more of the works of this wonderful author.
July 7, 2017
Ilsa says p. 253: Here's the thing about love: It can last, but you have to be careful with it. You have to treat it like it's your most precious possession, you have to never, ever take it, or the person you love for granted. Ever. Even just doing it once could spell the beginning of the end. Resentment, it's love's worst enemy. ... Don't forget that and you will be fine...
And also, don't be afraid...even if something doesn't work, maybe you don't have to let it scar you. Maybe it can be something that makes you stronger.
Myra p. 259. Her mother would turn on the kettle when things were left unsaid. She would boil the water, and make tea and wait. And usually by the time the tea was finished the things that needed to be said would have been said.
My take away - make tea and wait.
And also, don't be afraid...even if something doesn't work, maybe you don't have to let it scar you. Maybe it can be something that makes you stronger.
Myra p. 259. Her mother would turn on the kettle when things were left unsaid. She would boil the water, and make tea and wait. And usually by the time the tea was finished the things that needed to be said would have been said.
My take away - make tea and wait.
September 30, 2019
I hated this book at first... maybe even for the first 50-60%. It bummed me out and left me feeling very melancholy in between readings. To read about other people’s regrets or mistakes.... I hate that. I love romance. I believe in love. And I thought based on how this book started, that this book went against love and romance. But it doesn’t. It just showcases how special love can be, how hard it is to find and how much you have to work at keeping it.
September 6, 2025
Thoroughly enjoyed this story. A mom and her three daughters, all with different ideas about relationships. All with difficult decisions to make. Throughout the story they come to understand each other and what makes them tick. No one size fits all solution, reminding us that as long as you are true to yourself, and honest with those around you, there is room for everyone to achieve happiness.
June 30, 2014
4.5 stars.
Mating for Life by Marissa Stapley is a compelling and thought-provoking novel about family, love and relationships. Written from numerous perspectives, each character offers unique insight into the different relationships in their lives and their own experiences with love, friends and family. Each of the women is at a romantic crossroads that challenges their long held beliefs about love and lead to some very unexpected decisions that not only impact their love life but also their relationships with one another.
Former folk singer Helen Sear has three daughters from three different men whom she never married. The three women, Fiona, Ilsa and Liane have very different personalities and lives but all of them, including Helen, are suddenly facing unexpected relationship conflicts. Helen has fallen in love with a very traditional man whose desire for marriage unintentionally drives a wedge between them. Liane is contemplating marriage to her longtime boyfriend but wonders whether she is truly in love with him. Ilsa is married with two young children but her growing dissatisfaction with her stalled creativity and marriage lead her to consider indulging in an affair. Fiona has the perfect life with a perfect husband and three perfect children but a shocking discovery leaves her reeling and shakes the very foundation of everything she believes in.
Each of the characters are well-developed and for the most part, likable. Of the three sisters, Ilsa is the hardest to like for part of the story, but by the end of the novel, she finally makes positive changes in her life. Fiona comes across as harsh and unforgiving but as information about her background emerges, she becomes more sympathetic. Liane is easily the most likable and watching her stand on her own despite her uncertainties is immensely gratifying. Helen is a fabulous character who admits to her mistakes and although she is flawed and imperfect, she is also very warm and loving.
The family dynamics ring true as do the situations each of the women are facing. Marissa Stapley does not shy away from difficult topics and this adds dimension to the characters and the storyline. Each of the chapters opens with an interesting fact about the mating habits of birds and wildlife that closely parallels that particular section of the story.
Mating for Life is a beautifully written novel that is poignant yet heartwarming. The growth and transformation of the characters and their various relationships is realistic and uplifting. A wonderful debut by Marissa Stapley that leaves me eagerly awaiting her next release.
Mating for Life by Marissa Stapley is a compelling and thought-provoking novel about family, love and relationships. Written from numerous perspectives, each character offers unique insight into the different relationships in their lives and their own experiences with love, friends and family. Each of the women is at a romantic crossroads that challenges their long held beliefs about love and lead to some very unexpected decisions that not only impact their love life but also their relationships with one another.
Former folk singer Helen Sear has three daughters from three different men whom she never married. The three women, Fiona, Ilsa and Liane have very different personalities and lives but all of them, including Helen, are suddenly facing unexpected relationship conflicts. Helen has fallen in love with a very traditional man whose desire for marriage unintentionally drives a wedge between them. Liane is contemplating marriage to her longtime boyfriend but wonders whether she is truly in love with him. Ilsa is married with two young children but her growing dissatisfaction with her stalled creativity and marriage lead her to consider indulging in an affair. Fiona has the perfect life with a perfect husband and three perfect children but a shocking discovery leaves her reeling and shakes the very foundation of everything she believes in.
Each of the characters are well-developed and for the most part, likable. Of the three sisters, Ilsa is the hardest to like for part of the story, but by the end of the novel, she finally makes positive changes in her life. Fiona comes across as harsh and unforgiving but as information about her background emerges, she becomes more sympathetic. Liane is easily the most likable and watching her stand on her own despite her uncertainties is immensely gratifying. Helen is a fabulous character who admits to her mistakes and although she is flawed and imperfect, she is also very warm and loving.
The family dynamics ring true as do the situations each of the women are facing. Marissa Stapley does not shy away from difficult topics and this adds dimension to the characters and the storyline. Each of the chapters opens with an interesting fact about the mating habits of birds and wildlife that closely parallels that particular section of the story.
Mating for Life is a beautifully written novel that is poignant yet heartwarming. The growth and transformation of the characters and their various relationships is realistic and uplifting. A wonderful debut by Marissa Stapley that leaves me eagerly awaiting her next release.
July 10, 2014
Mating For Life is an ambitious exploration of love, relationships and the search for happiness by debut author Marissa Stapley.
The narrative unfolds from multiple perspectives, primarily those of Helen and her three adult daughter's, Liane, Ilsa and Fiona, who are all variously struggling with romantic entanglements. Helen, a former wild child who essentially raised her daughters, fathered by three different men, on her own, is in her mid sixties and after years of eschewing tradition is wary of her lover's urging for commitment. Liane has been with Adam for three years, but while holed up in her family's lake cabin trying to finish her PHd thesis and imagining her future, she realises that he is not who she wants or needs after all. Fiona has invested everything she is into her marriage and children and when cracks begin to appear in the facade of her perfect family, is left angry and floundering. Ilsa, an artist and mother of two is growing increasingly dissatisfied with her passionless marriage to her much old husband and becomes embroiled in an illicit affair.
As the story unfolds, each woman is forced to negotiate the complications of mother-daughter and sibling dynamics, confront the choices they have made and reevaluate their priorities. What becomes obvious is that to successfully mate for life, they must first learn what it is they honestly want and need as individuals.
Each chapter is prefaced by a snippet from the mating rituals of a Canadian animal or bird which relates directly to the content. I thought the writing style was lovely overall, the descriptions of both place and emotion evocative, though at times a little over detailed. I found I was distracted by the additional perspectives added to the narrative from several minor characters and while I think the author chose to do so in order to explore another facet of her theme, I didn't think it necessary.
While I could relate to some aspects of the themes of Mating For Life, neither the story, nor the characters really resonated with me in the way it has seemed to with other reviewers. For me, Mating for Life was a pleasant read but not a memorable one.
April 18, 2014
This was an emotionally charged read that is very bit intended for woman, sisters, mothers, daughters and girls everywhere.
It is about relationships in all forms and matters of life. This isn't just a love story but a life story.
While I admired this read greatly I can't say I fell in love with it. It moved from point of view, person to person way too much for my taste and I never really got that in depth feel for the characters because of it.
I never felt their betrayal, their hopes, or their heartache and I really really wanted to. I wanted to care about this family, their failed relationships, their lost loves, their new loves and their lives but I just couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to and I feel terrible for it because if you look at the reviews, they are almost all 4 and 5 star glowing reviews.
So, what is wrong with me? Why couldn't I get into this one and feel something, anything for it? Sadly, I have no idea other than it just felt impersonal to me even though it was full of the personal. Secrets, betrayals, revenge, jealousy, guilt..it had a little bit of it all and yet, I still felt nothing.
The sisters, Fiona, Ilsa and Liane and mother Helen couldn't have been more different if they tried and yet, they all had the same issues with love. The same challenges (in a way) and the same struggles and fears. Throw in two more people to the mix, Jane and Myra (yes we get an additional two other people to try to keep track of) and really I think I might have been overwhelmed with all their stories, even though for the most part, they were all connected and intertwined (which crazily enough was cleverly done).
Maybe it was the bleakness of the views on love, the fears and challenges that the hopeless romantic in me didn't love, or maybe it was the not so epilogish feeling to the epilogue but either way, sadly this just wasn't for me.
It is about relationships in all forms and matters of life. This isn't just a love story but a life story.
While I admired this read greatly I can't say I fell in love with it. It moved from point of view, person to person way too much for my taste and I never really got that in depth feel for the characters because of it.
I never felt their betrayal, their hopes, or their heartache and I really really wanted to. I wanted to care about this family, their failed relationships, their lost loves, their new loves and their lives but I just couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to and I feel terrible for it because if you look at the reviews, they are almost all 4 and 5 star glowing reviews.
So, what is wrong with me? Why couldn't I get into this one and feel something, anything for it? Sadly, I have no idea other than it just felt impersonal to me even though it was full of the personal. Secrets, betrayals, revenge, jealousy, guilt..it had a little bit of it all and yet, I still felt nothing.
The sisters, Fiona, Ilsa and Liane and mother Helen couldn't have been more different if they tried and yet, they all had the same issues with love. The same challenges (in a way) and the same struggles and fears. Throw in two more people to the mix, Jane and Myra (yes we get an additional two other people to try to keep track of) and really I think I might have been overwhelmed with all their stories, even though for the most part, they were all connected and intertwined (which crazily enough was cleverly done).
Maybe it was the bleakness of the views on love, the fears and challenges that the hopeless romantic in me didn't love, or maybe it was the not so epilogish feeling to the epilogue but either way, sadly this just wasn't for me.
September 18, 2014
Each of the sisters in this pleasurable debut novel has, in one way or another, attempted to distance themselves from their self-described "feminist," " former flower-child" mother, whom they only refer to by her first name, Helen. The novel begins from the perspective of Liane, the youngest of the three, during a stay at a secluded family cabin in an attempt to jumpstart her motivation to complete a graduate thesis.
In this chapter, and subsequent chapters, readers learn more and more about the hidden, unspoken needs of each of these women and the role their mother has played in allowing them to become who they are; however, in their quest to distance themselves from that influence, they also discover how much they need their mother, as well as each other, in their respective lives.
Liane, Ilsa and Fiona, along with their mother Helen, are all struggling through life, yet attempting to hide behind the image they have created for self-preservation and security; together, they begin to help each other unravel their individual truths and become closer - just in time. These four women exemplify what it means to be in relationship - the good, the bad and the ugly - and show us why, in the end, it's all worth it.
I enjoyed every page of this novel and was impressed with the way the narrative, while separated by each individual character's perspective, seemed to flow together so well and create an pleasantly emotional, comical and powerful example of the importance of meaningful relationships. Mating for Life by Marissa Stapley is a great read that appeals to a wide audience and I would definitely recommend it; I've already promised my copy to a friend who is interested after hearing me discuss it!
In this chapter, and subsequent chapters, readers learn more and more about the hidden, unspoken needs of each of these women and the role their mother has played in allowing them to become who they are; however, in their quest to distance themselves from that influence, they also discover how much they need their mother, as well as each other, in their respective lives.
Liane, Ilsa and Fiona, along with their mother Helen, are all struggling through life, yet attempting to hide behind the image they have created for self-preservation and security; together, they begin to help each other unravel their individual truths and become closer - just in time. These four women exemplify what it means to be in relationship - the good, the bad and the ugly - and show us why, in the end, it's all worth it.
I enjoyed every page of this novel and was impressed with the way the narrative, while separated by each individual character's perspective, seemed to flow together so well and create an pleasantly emotional, comical and powerful example of the importance of meaningful relationships. Mating for Life by Marissa Stapley is a great read that appeals to a wide audience and I would definitely recommend it; I've already promised my copy to a friend who is interested after hearing me discuss it!
September 7, 2014
"Mating for Life" is the story of Helen, a woman who has always lived life on her own terms and has tried to pass that onto her three daughters. Now Helen is trying to figure out whether her terms are the right ones or if her terms need to change as she's gotten older. The story also focuses on Helen's three daughters: Liane, Ilsa, and Fiona. Each of these now women are dealing with very different circumstances and are trying to figure out their own ways forward. At its core, this book is really about family and the way that we are both connected and separated from our family members.
This book felt very much like a slice of life kind of book to me. It took me a little bit to get emotionally involved with the characters. The author gives us each character story little by little so I felt like I was waiting a while to see how all of the different characters were connected and how each of their stories touched each other. Once this book hit its stride, it becomes very much warm family story with a little bit of drama added for interest.
I really liked how the author was able to make all of the characters seem very separate and distinct from each other. Each of the characters has a very distinct personality although we can see some common threads that come from being a part of the same family. I really appreciated how even if I didn't necessarily care for the characters I could understand their motivations and their feelings and where they were coming from.
Overall, this book has a very quiet start; however, if you're willing to give it a little bit more time, it turns into a good family story.
This book felt very much like a slice of life kind of book to me. It took me a little bit to get emotionally involved with the characters. The author gives us each character story little by little so I felt like I was waiting a while to see how all of the different characters were connected and how each of their stories touched each other. Once this book hit its stride, it becomes very much warm family story with a little bit of drama added for interest.
I really liked how the author was able to make all of the characters seem very separate and distinct from each other. Each of the characters has a very distinct personality although we can see some common threads that come from being a part of the same family. I really appreciated how even if I didn't necessarily care for the characters I could understand their motivations and their feelings and where they were coming from.
Overall, this book has a very quiet start; however, if you're willing to give it a little bit more time, it turns into a good family story.
January 28, 2015
This book is everything the advanced praise said it was.
Not my typical read, I got an advance copy in May and finally started reading it yesterday. It had me from the very first page. I'm sure it helped that this was one of those books that just clicked with some inexplicable place in me.
I can't do this book justice with a review, honestly. Each of the characters felt so vivid and real to me it was like they were friends. It felt like the book itself was my friend (and I will admit, there were many moments where I just hugged it because the warm and fuzzies ). The inclusion of thoughts and memories and interwoven scenes made this book feel utterly real to me. The alternating points of view really highlighted the relationships all the characters had with each other. I really resonated with each of the women and each of their struggles (probably Myra the most, inexplicably).
I loved the way it was told with a different description of animal mating habits at the beginning of every chapter. These animals or habits always had something to do with the chapter it preceded. It really taught about how much freedom we have in the way stories are told and that even little differences can make a big impact.
My biggest issue was the lack of diversity. A lot of the characters were family, of course, but even those outside the family were no more culturally diverse.
I finished this book, hugged it, and then was just struck with how magical books themselves are. They look so innocent, just little rectangles, simply paper. And yet they have the power to change so much.
Not my typical read, I got an advance copy in May and finally started reading it yesterday. It had me from the very first page. I'm sure it helped that this was one of those books that just clicked with some inexplicable place in me.
I can't do this book justice with a review, honestly. Each of the characters felt so vivid and real to me it was like they were friends. It felt like the book itself was my friend (and I will admit, there were many moments where I just hugged it because the warm and fuzzies ). The inclusion of thoughts and memories and interwoven scenes made this book feel utterly real to me. The alternating points of view really highlighted the relationships all the characters had with each other. I really resonated with each of the women and each of their struggles (probably Myra the most, inexplicably).
I loved the way it was told with a different description of animal mating habits at the beginning of every chapter. These animals or habits always had something to do with the chapter it preceded. It really taught about how much freedom we have in the way stories are told and that even little differences can make a big impact.
My biggest issue was the lack of diversity. A lot of the characters were family, of course, but even those outside the family were no more culturally diverse.
I finished this book, hugged it, and then was just struck with how magical books themselves are. They look so innocent, just little rectangles, simply paper. And yet they have the power to change so much.
July 20, 2014
This book is encompasses the relationships of five women; Helen, a former hippie and folk singer, her three daughters, and a snippet of Myra, a peripheral character who offers a unique voice. Each chapter begins with facts regarding mating rituals of a particular animal species. The animal is then somehow woven into the chapter in a seamless manner but the paragraph is allegorical to one of the character's life moment. Each woman is trying to figure out their relationships; old or new, staid out in crisis, and where all of the pieces fit together. Particularly moving is the way the author writes the resolution of the oldest sister's marriage which is broken and hemorrhaging resentment and the parallel she uses. In a following chapter another sister creates art with pieces of her broken self to showcase beauty in the whole and different. Very well written and interesting exploration of marriages and mating.
A side note, Helen calls out Illsa and her choice of mates as a reaction to her lack of a father figure. Later, one of the couples engages in Imago Therapy which is essentially choosing a mate to meet the needs of the child within based on perceived injuries from childhood, although that is my simplified version. Although quite in depth, this would be an excellent reading choice for a graduate level class on Imago Theory and great discussion points.
A side note, Helen calls out Illsa and her choice of mates as a reaction to her lack of a father figure. Later, one of the couples engages in Imago Therapy which is essentially choosing a mate to meet the needs of the child within based on perceived injuries from childhood, although that is my simplified version. Although quite in depth, this would be an excellent reading choice for a graduate level class on Imago Theory and great discussion points.
August 2, 2014
The author, Marissa Stapley was at the Port Carling Library last night. A friend wanted to attend the presentation, so I picked up her book in the early afternoon and started reading it. Much to my surprise I couldn't put it down. Although I didn't finish reading it until today, I was able to chat with Marissa and pass on my enjoyment her book was giving me. She shared a little about the process of writing this book which helped explain why the 3 sisters and their single, bohemian mom all had such complicated and traumatic lives. Originally they were short stories. She joined them by making the 3 main characters sisters and created the mom. The focal point of the story and real connecting factor was their cottage on an island in Muskoka. There are times when you can relate to each of these female characters. You may not ever be like just one of them, however there are snippets from each that I'm sure any female would recognize. Stapley writing is easy to read. It flows and moves quickly. She brings in landmarks you recognize in Toronto as well as events from the past. Each chapter begins with the mating characteristics of an animal/bird which is later mentioned and woven in to the events in that chapter. It's a clever idea and also very interesting. I recommend this to my female friends. It's a good read!
January 22, 2014
At times heartbreaking, achingly personal, yet still hopeful, Mating for Life brought to life the intricate relationships between sisters (Fiona, Ilsa and Liane), family (mom Helen) and the men in their lives. The story mainly focuses on the love lives of the sisters and their mother Helen; with supporting stories from Myra and Jane.
Mating for Life is not just about love though. The identity of each woman is challenged as she comes to accept who she is and what she wants both for herself and from her relationships. Each woman’s story is complex, precious and sometimes painful. Pieces of each story resonated with me long after I finished reading it.
“Here’s the thing about love: It can l last, but you have to be careful with it. You have to treat it like it’s your most precious possession, you have to never, ever take it, or the person you love, for granted. Ever. Even just doing it once could spell the beginning of the end. Resentment, it’s love’s worst enemy. Don’t forget that…” Ilsa to Liane
This book is the perfect read for the romantic realists, anyone at a “crossroads” in their lives, and everyone who loves but doesn't always understand their siblings.
I loved it.
Mating for Life is not just about love though. The identity of each woman is challenged as she comes to accept who she is and what she wants both for herself and from her relationships. Each woman’s story is complex, precious and sometimes painful. Pieces of each story resonated with me long after I finished reading it.
“Here’s the thing about love: It can l last, but you have to be careful with it. You have to treat it like it’s your most precious possession, you have to never, ever take it, or the person you love, for granted. Ever. Even just doing it once could spell the beginning of the end. Resentment, it’s love’s worst enemy. Don’t forget that…” Ilsa to Liane
This book is the perfect read for the romantic realists, anyone at a “crossroads” in their lives, and everyone who loves but doesn't always understand their siblings.
I loved it.
May 25, 2014
I was the recipient of this novel through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway. Thank you Goodreads and Simon and Schuster Canada!
And the award for most unanticipated great read of the year goes to...
Although the blurb piqued my interest, I honestly did not expect this novel to touch me as much as it did. This here is a beautiful story.
The praise Stapley has been receiving for this novel is very well-deserved. As a young woman in her early 20s, I was encouraged to reflect on myself, and, generally, the roles women, young or old, fulfill. I was moved to think about who I am and aspire to be as a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend and- one day- a wife and mother.
The characters are raw, real, and completely relatable. Never once was I bored as each of their spectacular and uniquely tragic lives are explored. And this isn't your typical cheesy chick story, either. As I read, it felt as though I actually was sitting on a dock at the Muskoka cottage, having a frank, poignant discussion with each woman.
Congratulations, Marissa Stapley, on this true work of art. This story will surely stay with me, and I prescribe this novel to all women. You will not regret it.
And the award for most unanticipated great read of the year goes to...
Although the blurb piqued my interest, I honestly did not expect this novel to touch me as much as it did. This here is a beautiful story.
The praise Stapley has been receiving for this novel is very well-deserved. As a young woman in her early 20s, I was encouraged to reflect on myself, and, generally, the roles women, young or old, fulfill. I was moved to think about who I am and aspire to be as a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend and- one day- a wife and mother.
The characters are raw, real, and completely relatable. Never once was I bored as each of their spectacular and uniquely tragic lives are explored. And this isn't your typical cheesy chick story, either. As I read, it felt as though I actually was sitting on a dock at the Muskoka cottage, having a frank, poignant discussion with each woman.
Congratulations, Marissa Stapley, on this true work of art. This story will surely stay with me, and I prescribe this novel to all women. You will not regret it.
March 22, 2014
To paraphrase Tolstoy's opening in Anna Karenina, happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family suffers in its own way. In Mating for Life, Marisa Stapley introduce an extended family with multiple dysfunctional characteristics. Helen, the matriarch, has always been a free spirit - a woman who loved men, but didn't care to marry them. Thus, each of her three daughters had a different father - none of whom are currently in the picture at all. Now, as adults, each of the girls is struggling with their own marriages and/or relationships as well as their connections to each other and Helen. Each chapter of the book deals the issues from a different person's perspective. The chapters are also prefaced with a telling, biological description of the mating habits of birds and other wildlife.
The characters are interesting and well drawn, although their issues tend to be problems of their own making rather than tragedy brought on by outside interests.
I would recommend it to women's book groups and an enjoyable read and discussion subject.
The characters are interesting and well drawn, although their issues tend to be problems of their own making rather than tragedy brought on by outside interests.
I would recommend it to women's book groups and an enjoyable read and discussion subject.
August 27, 2014
It took me a long time to read this book. This is usually an indication that I am not enjoying it and it's become a chore to read. In this case, there were other factors as well. I liked it, but I didn't love it. I found the characters to be selfish, not sure if this was what the author was trying to get across, but I don't think so. My favourite character was actually Myra, who only makes a brief appearance in this novel. I'm not sure why her story was even in the book. I did like that the author tried to portray very different marriages and relationships, showing that every couple has different problems and obstacles to overcome. I just found that the characters in this book didn't seem willing to work all that hard to overcome their problems. Helen, the mother, was only mildly interesting and I thought she was going to be more of a presence from the synopsis. I think the author made a really good effort, but something was missing for me.
March 1, 2014
Mating for Life is a novel about human relationships, both their fragility and strength. The family of three sisters and their mother Helen go through many different trials in their lives. Each woman faces her own personal dramas in a relationship, but they are able to endure it all with the power and strength of each other. This book made me laugh, cry and reflect on the relationships in my own life, revealing Stapley's amazing ability to capture the essence of human emotion and interaction. A definite read for a quiet weekend or better yet a trip to the beach or cottage.
August 1, 2016
A surprisingly interesting book.
I felt like the characters in the book were very real,and I could relate to them.
The book is very well written,and I could visualize the cottage settings,and the book held my interest right from the start.
The little extras about the mating animals at the start of each chapter was interesting.
I do a lot of wildlife photography,and found some of the mating rituals very informative,and will have to keep an eye out for these.
Thank you for the chance to read this book,and look forward to future books from this author
I felt like the characters in the book were very real,and I could relate to them.
The book is very well written,and I could visualize the cottage settings,and the book held my interest right from the start.
The little extras about the mating animals at the start of each chapter was interesting.
I do a lot of wildlife photography,and found some of the mating rituals very informative,and will have to keep an eye out for these.
Thank you for the chance to read this book,and look forward to future books from this author
February 17, 2014
I absolutely LOVED this book. While normally I'm not crazy about books that switch back and forth between stories of different characters, Marissa Stapley did an amazing job blending the stories and connecting the characters.
I laugh, I cried, and more importantly I felt that I could relate to each of the women in this book on some level. Their desire and longing and unfulfilled feelings really hit home for me.
I absolutely recommend this book, especially to those in relationships or considering getting into one.
I laugh, I cried, and more importantly I felt that I could relate to each of the women in this book on some level. Their desire and longing and unfulfilled feelings really hit home for me.
I absolutely recommend this book, especially to those in relationships or considering getting into one.
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