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I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You
Where'd You Go, Bernadette meets Beautiful Ruins in this reverse love story set in Paris and London about a failed monogamist's attempts to answer the question: Is it really possible to fall back in love?
Despite the success of his first solo show in Paris and the support of his brilliant French wife and young daughter, thirty-four-year-old British artist Richard Haddon is too busy mourning the loss of his American mistress to a famous cutlery designer to appreciate his fortune.
But after Richard discovers that a painting he originally made for his wife, Anne -when they were first married and deeply in love-has sold, it shocks him back to reality and he resolves to reinvest wholeheartedly in his family life . . . just in time for his wife to learn the extent of his affair. Rudderless and remorseful, Richard embarks on a series of misguided attempts to win Anne back while focusing his creative energy on a provocative art piece to prove that he's still the man she once loved.
Skillfully balancing biting wit with a deep emotional undercurrent, debut novelist Courtney Maum has created the perfect portrait of an imperfect family-and a heartfelt exploration of marriage, love, and fidelity.
Despite the success of his first solo show in Paris and the support of his brilliant French wife and young daughter, thirty-four-year-old British artist Richard Haddon is too busy mourning the loss of his American mistress to a famous cutlery designer to appreciate his fortune.
But after Richard discovers that a painting he originally made for his wife, Anne -when they were first married and deeply in love-has sold, it shocks him back to reality and he resolves to reinvest wholeheartedly in his family life . . . just in time for his wife to learn the extent of his affair. Rudderless and remorseful, Richard embarks on a series of misguided attempts to win Anne back while focusing his creative energy on a provocative art piece to prove that he's still the man she once loved.
Skillfully balancing biting wit with a deep emotional undercurrent, debut novelist Courtney Maum has created the perfect portrait of an imperfect family-and a heartfelt exploration of marriage, love, and fidelity.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2014
294 people are currently reading
19360 people want to read
About the author
Courtney Maum
13 books679 followersCourtney Maum is the author of the novels Costalegre (a GOOP book club pick and one of Glamour Magazine’s top books of the decade), I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You and Touch (a New York Times Editor’s Choice and NPR Best Book of the Year selection), and the handbook Before and After the Book Deal: A writer’s guide to finishing, publishing, promoting, and surviving your first book, out now from Catapult. Her writing has been widely published in such outlets as the New York Times, O, the Oprah Magazine, and Poets & Writers. She is the founder of the collaborative retreat program, The Cabins, and she also has a writing-advice newsletter, “Get Published, Stay Published,” that you can sign up for at CourtneyMaum.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,328 reviews
June 30, 2014
The review blurb on Amazon said this: "In this reverse love story set in Paris and London, which Glamour hailed as one of the “10 Best Books to Add to Your Summer Reading List Right This Second,” a failed monogamist attempts to woo his wife back and to answer the question: Is it really possible to fall back in love with your spouse?" The blurb later references the "charming and engrossing portrait as one man's midlife mess." It sounds interesting and appealing, yes?
But 25% into the book, I just couldn't go any further. The husband/ narrator just sounded too whiny, claiming that he wanted to revive his marriage while pining for his mistress, plotting to keep connections to her, and continuing to lie to his wife. Maybe it's that I've been a wife myself, but I couldn't stop feeling seriously annoyed at how self-indulgent this guy sounds, not to mention how he repeatedly misses the point of reconnecting with his wife. (And again, maybe it's my own projection but gosh, I found it almost painful how little he seemed to care about his daughter.)
Maybe the story -- and the character -- takes a turn as the novel progresses. I got as far as I did because I kept thinking the author was setting up the background of this guy's selfishness to show his efforts at redemption. And maybe I'll return to finish it and find out. But for now, I just couldn't stand reading one more page. And really, this probably serves me right for relying on Glamour magazine for book recommendations.
But 25% into the book, I just couldn't go any further. The husband/ narrator just sounded too whiny, claiming that he wanted to revive his marriage while pining for his mistress, plotting to keep connections to her, and continuing to lie to his wife. Maybe it's that I've been a wife myself, but I couldn't stop feeling seriously annoyed at how self-indulgent this guy sounds, not to mention how he repeatedly misses the point of reconnecting with his wife. (And again, maybe it's my own projection but gosh, I found it almost painful how little he seemed to care about his daughter.)
Maybe the story -- and the character -- takes a turn as the novel progresses. I got as far as I did because I kept thinking the author was setting up the background of this guy's selfishness to show his efforts at redemption. And maybe I'll return to finish it and find out. But for now, I just couldn't stand reading one more page. And really, this probably serves me right for relying on Glamour magazine for book recommendations.
March 30, 2016
★★★★½
I really dislike the book synopsis for I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You. I don't think it is accurate at all. It is not a reverse love story. It is not an exploration of marriage. It is not about people trying to fall back in love. I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You is about an unfaithful asshole of a husband: Richard and the circumstances that lead him down the lonely road called discovery, remorse, and consequence.
I didn't expect to love a story that is based on an extramarital affair, but I did and I only have Courtney Maum to thank for that. She offers readers a heavily descriptive setting, a complex world of art, just the right amount of humor, and incredibly palpable emotions. Earlier, I referred to Richard as an asshole. Truthfully, I think anyone who cheats on their partner is an asshole: a fraudulent, selfish, coward of an asshole. But...Ms. Maum is a genius with Richard's character. Through his honest perspective, he quickly became very likable to me. Never once were his long-term actions justified, even in his own eyes, but witnessing (and vicariously experiencing) his palpable emotions really did something to me. Ms. Maum allowed me to connect with Richard and I found myself cheering him on as he humbly, fingers crossed, tried to earn his wife's favor once again. I cried, I smiled, I surprised myself. Thank you Ms. Maum.
I listened to the audiobook version and thought it was incredibly well done. I would recommend it. I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You is my first experience with Courtney Maum. Although this is her debut novel, she is not new to the writing world. I very much look forward to seeking out her other work.
My favorite quote:
"Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
I really dislike the book synopsis for I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You. I don't think it is accurate at all. It is not a reverse love story. It is not an exploration of marriage. It is not about people trying to fall back in love. I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You is about an unfaithful asshole of a husband: Richard and the circumstances that lead him down the lonely road called discovery, remorse, and consequence.
I didn't expect to love a story that is based on an extramarital affair, but I did and I only have Courtney Maum to thank for that. She offers readers a heavily descriptive setting, a complex world of art, just the right amount of humor, and incredibly palpable emotions. Earlier, I referred to Richard as an asshole. Truthfully, I think anyone who cheats on their partner is an asshole: a fraudulent, selfish, coward of an asshole. But...Ms. Maum is a genius with Richard's character. Through his honest perspective, he quickly became very likable to me. Never once were his long-term actions justified, even in his own eyes, but witnessing (and vicariously experiencing) his palpable emotions really did something to me. Ms. Maum allowed me to connect with Richard and I found myself cheering him on as he humbly, fingers crossed, tried to earn his wife's favor once again. I cried, I smiled, I surprised myself. Thank you Ms. Maum.
I listened to the audiobook version and thought it was incredibly well done. I would recommend it. I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You is my first experience with Courtney Maum. Although this is her debut novel, she is not new to the writing world. I very much look forward to seeking out her other work.
My favorite quote:
"Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
April 2, 2014
Just loved this book. It's smart, no question. Funny, yes. But, most importantly, true. A book that makes you feel--gratitude, doubt, sadness, hope, resolve... Having been married twenty years, I know it's a process, will never stay quite the same and takes two people who want to keep growing together. Often requiring pain, boredom, kindness, forgiveness, creativity… Maum captures these stages perfectly. The writing is tight and swift, culturally right on--brutal in some depictions, kind in others. Great book.
August 12, 2016
It gets two stars because it kept me reading until the end, but honestly, I thought it was so stupid. The narrator is so whiny and selfish, he spends the whole first half of the book talking about his mistress, even though the shit has already hit the fan and he claims to want his wife back. It wraps up way too fast, and it's all too facile. Their actual marital problems are completely glossed over, and nothing about it felt real. Also, it takes place during the beginning of the Iraq War and I think the author felt she was being very clever, but it didn't work, and also the backlash against the French was never so bad that supermarkets stopped selling French cheese. And she explained every flipping metaphor! Show, not tell!
April 21, 2021
I no longer love her. But oh, how I loved her.
The blurb calls this a “reverse love story” but .....
What the eff is even a reverse love story???? Naaaaah, keep it simple. This is the story of a marriage on the precipice of divorce after infidelity.
My new favorite show last year (which broke me out of my endless cycle of the various Housewives and their respective cities) was Breeders. In case you aren’t familiar, it’s a dramedy about raising children and really focuses on all the horrible aspects. It makes me feel like I’m not a complete failure and therefore I love it. Maum’s debut novel made me feel some of the same feels only the focus was on the potential breakup of a couple after the husband has been involved in a seven month affair rather than on parenting. This isn’t a book for everyone. While many of us (myself included, duh) admit to enjoying reading about despicable humans like drug dealers or serial killers, it’s almost impossible to “like” Richard the philandering husband. But I don’t think you’re really supposed to. The entire point to me was that is was raw and realistic and uncomfortable. I will confess that I have checked this out from the library so many times that I have no renewals left and that’s finally what made me shit or get off the pot. I also managed to read three entire books on Saturday in a last attempt at avoiding this one. At the end of it all, though, I’m glad I gave it a go and I look forward to Touch which I recently snatched up from the local charity shop. This may not go down as a fave, but it certainly felt authentic ....
“I knew it the fucking minute I saw you in that stupid bar with your cousin. You are . . . . a more than person, Anne. Goddammit. You are more than a best friend and a wife, you’re more than beautiful, and if I hurt you it’s maybe because I’ve always known and been ashamed of the fact that I am less than you, and always have been.”
Her chin trembled. In my hands, her skin was cold. “I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that it will never happen again.”
She bit her lip hard as a tear fell down her cheek. For the first time since I’d reached for her, she squeezed my hand back. “But what do you do about the fact that it happened? What do you do about that?”
The blurb calls this a “reverse love story” but .....
What the eff is even a reverse love story???? Naaaaah, keep it simple. This is the story of a marriage on the precipice of divorce after infidelity.
My new favorite show last year (which broke me out of my endless cycle of the various Housewives and their respective cities) was Breeders. In case you aren’t familiar, it’s a dramedy about raising children and really focuses on all the horrible aspects. It makes me feel like I’m not a complete failure and therefore I love it. Maum’s debut novel made me feel some of the same feels only the focus was on the potential breakup of a couple after the husband has been involved in a seven month affair rather than on parenting. This isn’t a book for everyone. While many of us (myself included, duh) admit to enjoying reading about despicable humans like drug dealers or serial killers, it’s almost impossible to “like” Richard the philandering husband. But I don’t think you’re really supposed to. The entire point to me was that is was raw and realistic and uncomfortable. I will confess that I have checked this out from the library so many times that I have no renewals left and that’s finally what made me shit or get off the pot. I also managed to read three entire books on Saturday in a last attempt at avoiding this one. At the end of it all, though, I’m glad I gave it a go and I look forward to Touch which I recently snatched up from the local charity shop. This may not go down as a fave, but it certainly felt authentic ....
“I knew it the fucking minute I saw you in that stupid bar with your cousin. You are . . . . a more than person, Anne. Goddammit. You are more than a best friend and a wife, you’re more than beautiful, and if I hurt you it’s maybe because I’ve always known and been ashamed of the fact that I am less than you, and always have been.”
Her chin trembled. In my hands, her skin was cold. “I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that it will never happen again.”
She bit her lip hard as a tear fell down her cheek. For the first time since I’d reached for her, she squeezed my hand back. “But what do you do about the fact that it happened? What do you do about that?”
March 6, 2017
Review to follow:
I read this for part of a group challenge, color in the title. I took it to include the title being in "color". I was excited to get to this and hoped to like it more than I did. A young hip couple, marriage and boredom ensue, an affair by the hubby, discovery by the wife, the sad husband trying to win the wife back...blah, blah, blah.
I had hoped for the characters to be a bit more in depth, but found them both a bit shallow. About half way through I was done with "woe is me, what have I done" Richard, and rather hoped that Anne would not forgive him. I had also hoped for a bit more of the romance in the French, art world setting.
So, it was OK for me. A bit predictable. I found the secondary characters a bit more enjoyable than the main characters.
I read this for part of a group challenge, color in the title. I took it to include the title being in "color". I was excited to get to this and hoped to like it more than I did. A young hip couple, marriage and boredom ensue, an affair by the hubby, discovery by the wife, the sad husband trying to win the wife back...blah, blah, blah.
I had hoped for the characters to be a bit more in depth, but found them both a bit shallow. About half way through I was done with "woe is me, what have I done" Richard, and rather hoped that Anne would not forgive him. I had also hoped for a bit more of the romance in the French, art world setting.
So, it was OK for me. A bit predictable. I found the secondary characters a bit more enjoyable than the main characters.
September 15, 2014
I don't usually think that women can write from a man's point of view but Courtney Maum had me convinced! Wow! This book is awesome! Maybe female writers aren't so hopeless after all!
September 7, 2014
3.5 stars: “I Am Having So Much Fun Without You” is a beach read with introspection. Yes, it’s light and airy, it’s witty, it’s entertaining, but there’s some meat in it about the workings of marriages.
At the beginning of the novel, I almost gave up because the protagonist, Richard Haddon, was a bit creepy for me. He’s married to a devoted and beautiful woman, has a lovely 5 year old daughter, and he’s a philanderer. Because the writing is witty, and this novel has received great reviews, I continued reading.
Courtney Maum writes so expertly that she was able to make a narcissistic character into a introspective chap. It didn’t happen in a few pages; as in life, the character changed slowly in response to what was happening in his life. The novel ended up being a meditation on marriage: how successful partners sacrifice for each other to please each other; how successful partners let the little things go.
Maum was able to get a little political message in her novel also. Maum wasn’t impressed with Bush and Blair buddying up for a war. She pulls it off without becoming too preachy and becoming a distraction to the main theme. I am NOT a fan of novels where the author’s political message becomes a distraction to the main theme. Maum was able to deftly weave her message into the story.
At the beginning of the novel, I almost gave up because the protagonist, Richard Haddon, was a bit creepy for me. He’s married to a devoted and beautiful woman, has a lovely 5 year old daughter, and he’s a philanderer. Because the writing is witty, and this novel has received great reviews, I continued reading.
Courtney Maum writes so expertly that she was able to make a narcissistic character into a introspective chap. It didn’t happen in a few pages; as in life, the character changed slowly in response to what was happening in his life. The novel ended up being a meditation on marriage: how successful partners sacrifice for each other to please each other; how successful partners let the little things go.
Maum was able to get a little political message in her novel also. Maum wasn’t impressed with Bush and Blair buddying up for a war. She pulls it off without becoming too preachy and becoming a distraction to the main theme. I am NOT a fan of novels where the author’s political message becomes a distraction to the main theme. Maum was able to deftly weave her message into the story.
November 21, 2014
This is a book about a fussy man who gets butt hurt when his married life gets a little too predictable and so self soothes by having an affair. BUT do not fear b/c he realizes what an absolute cad he's been and falls back in love with his wife (the little minx!). BUT she is not so sure she wants him back. He whinges a lot whilst trying to figure it all out. Will they or won't they? More important, who cares?
And, yes, the little minx was used in a sentence.
More than once.
And, yes, the little minx was used in a sentence.
More than once.
August 11, 2014
Richard is a whiny, self-indulgent, want-a-be center of the universe, annoying man! I had had enough of him by the middle of the book and had to force myself to continue. I scanned most of the rest of the book (because I HATE bailing out in the middle if I think I can stand it to the end) but I should have just quit. The end of the book just felt like the author gave up too and just strung some words together to end it all.
Many reviewers thought this was a “funny” book, but I didn't find it so. I smiled a couple of times but that was the extent of it for me. Even though I love a book that makes me laugh out loud – this wasn't one of them.
With all the good reviews, I guess I missed something here.....I think she should have just dumped the big baby and gone on her way.
Many reviewers thought this was a “funny” book, but I didn't find it so. I smiled a couple of times but that was the extent of it for me. Even though I love a book that makes me laugh out loud – this wasn't one of them.
With all the good reviews, I guess I missed something here.....I think she should have just dumped the big baby and gone on her way.
October 1, 2020
I confess thay I'm not a huge fan of books where marital infidelity is at the heart of a story. However,the eye-catching title drew me in and I just couldn't stop reading once I opened the book. I felt that the author presented an insight into the modern marriage that was refreshing and filled with raw emotion. There is another sub-plot that is equally interesting and ambitious -the 2003 invasion of Iraq and the isolation of the French by the Americans and how Richard, the British artist, tries to make sense of it all. In my opinion,this book would be perfect for a book club.
Goodreads review published 03/05/15
Goodreads review published 03/05/15
August 27, 2016
Richard Haddon is bored and disillusioned with his marriage and his career as an artist. So what does he do? He finds some excitement through an extra-marital affair. When it ends, Richard's life is in shambles. He wants to fall back in love with his wife. He wants to escape from the demands of a commercial art world, but how does he turn these desires into reality. Author, Courtney Maum takes us on Richard's maddening and heartfelt journey of how he tries to make this happen. This novel totally engaged me with its clever prose, humor, memorable characters, and raw honesty. I couldn't put it down. It expertly captures the nuances of a complex marriage and zeros in on what true love is all about. Put this one at the top of your reading list this summer.
February 16, 2019
Actually closer to 4.5. I need some time to process my thoughts on this one before I can do an honest review, but I loved it.
June 27, 2014
Courtney Maum's debut novel I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You seemed right up my alley: a cross-cultural romantic comedy mixed with one of my favorite unofficial literary sub-genres, the White Male F&ck-up Novel. You see, it's about a British artist (Richard) who cheats on his French lawyer wife (Anne-Laure) with an American journalist (Lisa) during the run-up to the Iraq War... and oh, it's primarily set in Paris.
Doesn't sound that romantic, huh? But it's the 'ole "boy loses girl, boy tries to get girl back" storyline, just happened the boy and girl are already married with a young child. Maum does an excellent job of describing a marriage (or any long-term relationship) that hits the cruise-control stage to the detriment of both parties. Lots of good observational stuff, particularly what it is like to be the cheater, the cheated-upon, and the "other woman." Likewise, Maum herself -- an American who has spent a good deal of time in Paris (and married to a Frenchman) -- gives some good insight into the English/American vs. French culture.
What knocked it down a bit for me is that I didn't like the artist angle just didn't click for me. A piece of artwork is the symbolic core of the novel, but the sub-plots/diversions involving it were not as strong and sometimes downright silly. Likewise, the time setting of the recent-ish past stuck and the Iraq War inspiring another piece of art was another bit of heavy-handed symbolism. Finally, I was definitely drawn to the novel by its title. While I was aware of an instance of where it came from, that it so didn't involve or really apply to any of the principals was a bit of a disappointment.
Despite that last paragraph, this was still a very enjoyable read, and an even better one for the summer. I could definitely see it made into a movie. I am aging myself but it would have definitely been Hugh Grant material, though he is now decades too old to be Richard.
[Side note: After the fact, I see the powers-that-be are pitching this as Where You'd Go, Bernadette meets Beautiful Ruins -- certainly didn't "feel" either of those two books while reading this one and not even after the fact, only coming up with some very (very!) loose connections -- funny, some quirk, set in a European country?]
August 11, 2014
I read a bunch of this funny, compelling novel on the cliff side overlooking the ocean in San Diego and it was one of the greatest reading experiences in recent memory: not just for the ocean view but for the book itself. I loved this narrator, even as he fucked up and was such a dolt. I loved the art. I love the sex scenes. I loved the descriptions of clothing. Such a great read. At times the first person narrative over-explained what was clearly implied, which distracted me. Otherwise, fun and smart.
December 4, 2014
I've been on a roll lately, every book I've read has been excellent and this is no exception. Loved it!
October 7, 2014
One of those books where I hated absolutely every character in it, yet couldn't stop reading. This book is heartache porn.
November 20, 2015
Ένας γάμος που διαλύεται εξαιτίας μιας παράνομης σχέσης, ένας πίνακας που θυμίζει στον σύζυγο τον ευτυχισμένο έγγαμο βίο και μια σύζυγος που αρνείται να δείξει περισσότερη υπομονή. Αυτά τα ζητήματα πραγματεύεται το βιβλίο της Courtey Maum «Θυμήσου την αγάπη», το οποίο κυκλοφορεί από τις εκδόσεις Ψυχογιός.
Οφείλω να ομολογήσω πως πρόκειται για ένα βιβλίο το οποίο δεν με κέρδισε απόλυτα. Εξαιρετικά καλογραμμένο και ρεαλιστικό, με το γνωστό γαλλικό ύφος και στυλ στο οποίο έχω ιδιαίτερη αδυναμία. Δεν έχει να κάνει με την τοποθέτηση ή την καταγωγή ηρώων ή δημιουργών. Το γαλλικό ύφος είναι τόσο μοναδικό και ξεχωριστό που το αναγνωρίζεις οπουδήποτε.
Ως ιστορία δεν έχει τίποτα το πρωτότυπο να επιδείξει. Ένας άπιστος σύζυγος, με μια σύζυγο που έχει θυσιάσει τα δικά της θέλω ώστε να βοηθήσει στην προώθηση της καλλιτεχνικής του καριέρα. Όταν η ερωμένη του βαριέται πλέον αυτό τον ρόλο και τον χωρίζει εκείνος βρίσκεται αντιμέτωπος με συναισθήματα που δεν πίστευε πως έχει. Όχι για τον παράνομο δεσμό του, αλλά για την ίδια του τη γυναίκα. Αυτό ακριβώς με εμπόδισε στο να μπορέσω να ταυτιστώ με την ιστορία και να καταλάβω τους πρωταγωνιστές της. Σε ορισμένες στιγμές ένιωσα πως οι ήρωες –ο πρωταγωνιστής πιο έντονα- στερούνταν εσωτερικότητας, ενώ σε άλλα σημεία θεώρησα πως οι αντιδράσεις τους ήταν υπερβολικές σε σχέση με την πραγματικότητα.
Ωστόσο, το βιβλίο είναι μια μοναδική απεικόνιση των σύγχρονων σχέσεων, αλλά και της κουλτούρας των πρωταγωνιστών. Το εξαιρετικό με το μυθιστόρημα «Θυμήσου την αγάπη» είναι ο τρόπος που μας γνωστοποιεί η συγγραφέας όλες τις πληροφορίες που χρειαζόμαστε ώστε να έχουμε ολοκληρωμένη άποψη για τα γεγονότα. Με τις χρονικές αναδρομές να είναι ενωμένες με τους εσωτερικούς μονολόγους και τις σκέψεις των ηρώων, αλλά και άρρηκτα συνδεδεμένες με τις εξελίξεις των γεγονότων και τους τωρινούς διαλόγους.
Μπορεί προσωπικά να ένιωσα συναισθηματική αποστασιοποίηση σε κάποια σημεία, ωστόσο πρόκειται για ένα ψυχογραφικό βιβλίο, το οποίο μπορεί να προκαλέσει στον αναγνώστη συναίσθημα και προβληματισμούς, χωρίς μελό αντιδράσεις ή ακραίες επεξηγήσεις.
Οφείλω να ομολογήσω πως πρόκειται για ένα βιβλίο το οποίο δεν με κέρδισε απόλυτα. Εξαιρετικά καλογραμμένο και ρεαλιστικό, με το γνωστό γαλλικό ύφος και στυλ στο οποίο έχω ιδιαίτερη αδυναμία. Δεν έχει να κάνει με την τοποθέτηση ή την καταγωγή ηρώων ή δημιουργών. Το γαλλικό ύφος είναι τόσο μοναδικό και ξεχωριστό που το αναγνωρίζεις οπουδήποτε.
Ως ιστορία δεν έχει τίποτα το πρωτότυπο να επιδείξει. Ένας άπιστος σύζυγος, με μια σύζυγο που έχει θυσιάσει τα δικά της θέλω ώστε να βοηθήσει στην προώθηση της καλλιτεχνικής του καριέρα. Όταν η ερωμένη του βαριέται πλέον αυτό τον ρόλο και τον χωρίζει εκείνος βρίσκεται αντιμέτωπος με συναισθήματα που δεν πίστευε πως έχει. Όχι για τον παράνομο δεσμό του, αλλά για την ίδια του τη γυναίκα. Αυτό ακριβώς με εμπόδισε στο να μπορέσω να ταυτιστώ με την ιστορία και να καταλάβω τους πρωταγωνιστές της. Σε ορισμένες στιγμές ένιωσα πως οι ήρωες –ο πρωταγωνιστής πιο έντονα- στερούνταν εσωτερικότητας, ενώ σε άλλα σημεία θεώρησα πως οι αντιδράσεις τους ήταν υπερβολικές σε σχέση με την πραγματικότητα.
Ωστόσο, το βιβλίο είναι μια μοναδική απεικόνιση των σύγχρονων σχέσεων, αλλά και της κουλτούρας των πρωταγωνιστών. Το εξαιρετικό με το μυθιστόρημα «Θυμήσου την αγάπη» είναι ο τρόπος που μας γνωστοποιεί η συγγραφέας όλες τις πληροφορίες που χρειαζόμαστε ώστε να έχουμε ολοκληρωμένη άποψη για τα γεγονότα. Με τις χρονικές αναδρομές να είναι ενωμένες με τους εσωτερικούς μονολόγους και τις σκέψεις των ηρώων, αλλά και άρρηκτα συνδεδεμένες με τις εξελίξεις των γεγονότων και τους τωρινούς διαλόγους.
Μπορεί προσωπικά να ένιωσα συναισθηματική αποστασιοποίηση σε κάποια σημεία, ωστόσο πρόκειται για ένα ψυχογραφικό βιβλίο, το οποίο μπορεί να προκαλέσει στον αναγνώστη συναίσθημα και προβληματισμούς, χωρίς μελό αντιδράσεις ή ακραίες επεξηγήσεις.
August 20, 2021
I am not sure how I stumbled onto this one, but it was not quite the light hearted romance that I was expecting. Instead, it is the story of a man who has cheated, realized his mistake and then stumbles in his efforts to win back his wife. It is not funny, it is his own analysis when he realizes that he is no longer in love with his wife, but still loves her and his life. To me anyway, this makes it a better book; things always feel a bit more raw and authentic when the are not happy (as an aside her, I wondered to someone on the phone last month if I had ever given a high rating to a happy book--assuming the answer is no--this book confirms my wonder; I rated it 4 stars and the book I was expecting it to be would have certainly been 3 stars).
As a veteran of marriage (and yes, there are always those who are older and or have been married longer, but next month will be 26 years since my hubby and I met), I can attest to the notion that the marriage is long. And tedious. Simply not noticing the things that a partner does that make one upset (or annoyed or bothered or whatever negative emotion) can go a long way, but after years can be numbing. If one stops noticing things without talking about them, eventually one's eyes gloss over and we stop actually seeing the object at which we are looking. And yeah, then our partners become objects rather than people. Love is in the noticing, it is in the looking, and it requires swallowing (or dealing with) the difficult, rather than just ignoring it.
One final muse and then I will end with my favorite quotes; someone else recently passed along a quote about how successful relationships require continued self examination. It is not about changing for someone, it is about being mindful of how one changes and making sure it is acceptable. It is also about accepting the parts that don't/won't/will never change. One cannot successfully live with, care for, and continue to notice another person unless one is actively dealing with one's own shit. I don't actually remember the quote (or who said it), but it was along the lines of relationships are work and long term relationships involve mostly working on the self.
Anyway, the book was better than expected, has some thought provoking and real moments while also being relatively entertaining and a fairly quick read. Some of those good moments/musings are below:
"I want more than anything to be swept up in the tide of before. Somewhere in the losing of my love for Anne, I lost a little bit of my love for everything else."
"I married my lover, time turned her into my sister. Truly, badly, I want my lover back. But we've twisted each other with our unspoken failures and our building scorn. A near decade later, we're warped. We are polluted."
"You love this one person, you love things about her that make her stand out from the rest. And then time passes, and she morphs into other people: warden, marshal, mother, financial partner, friend. And you lose sight of the reasons that you loved each other initially, loved each other as lovers, not as friends."
"Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
As a veteran of marriage (and yes, there are always those who are older and or have been married longer, but next month will be 26 years since my hubby and I met), I can attest to the notion that the marriage is long. And tedious. Simply not noticing the things that a partner does that make one upset (or annoyed or bothered or whatever negative emotion) can go a long way, but after years can be numbing. If one stops noticing things without talking about them, eventually one's eyes gloss over and we stop actually seeing the object at which we are looking. And yeah, then our partners become objects rather than people. Love is in the noticing, it is in the looking, and it requires swallowing (or dealing with) the difficult, rather than just ignoring it.
One final muse and then I will end with my favorite quotes; someone else recently passed along a quote about how successful relationships require continued self examination. It is not about changing for someone, it is about being mindful of how one changes and making sure it is acceptable. It is also about accepting the parts that don't/won't/will never change. One cannot successfully live with, care for, and continue to notice another person unless one is actively dealing with one's own shit. I don't actually remember the quote (or who said it), but it was along the lines of relationships are work and long term relationships involve mostly working on the self.
Anyway, the book was better than expected, has some thought provoking and real moments while also being relatively entertaining and a fairly quick read. Some of those good moments/musings are below:
"I want more than anything to be swept up in the tide of before. Somewhere in the losing of my love for Anne, I lost a little bit of my love for everything else."
"I married my lover, time turned her into my sister. Truly, badly, I want my lover back. But we've twisted each other with our unspoken failures and our building scorn. A near decade later, we're warped. We are polluted."
"You love this one person, you love things about her that make her stand out from the rest. And then time passes, and she morphs into other people: warden, marshal, mother, financial partner, friend. And you lose sight of the reasons that you loved each other initially, loved each other as lovers, not as friends."
"Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
May 22, 2021
My irregular reading habits continue so this easy read took me three weeks. I appreciated the complications of this marriage story but I had a hard time liking or having sympathy for the protagonist. Still, there was an unapologetically honest tone to the writing that felt very fresh to me.
August 4, 2014
Sometimes the ennui from a longterm relationship sets the stage for people to make decisions that can cause a great deal of pain. Who knows how to just be honest to start with? How else to deal with drudgery and overfamiliarity than the excitement of a fling?
Richard Haddon is an artist who has enjoyed some measure of success (as in people are purchasing his work) at age 34, but only from selling out to a more commercial idea. And in the same way he's let his authentic artistic self slip, he's stopped trying to make his marriage work. By the time the book starts, his affair is over, and this is more of the aftermath.
I would say this book was a fluffy summer read, which it is for the most part, except that it is also fairly insightful into marriage and all complexity (and difficulty.) Some of the characters and situations lack the depth needed to truly feel empathy towards them, but it kept me reading.
"I married my lover, time turned her into my sister. Truly, badly, I want my lover back. But we've twisted each other with our unspoken failures and our building scorn. A near decade later, we're warped. We are polluted. The well of love is black."
"I still worry that my departure and reappearance will lead her to think that marriage is expandable - that it ebbs and flows over time, with the principal characters coming and going as they please. But how can you tell the truth, the real truth, to a five-year-old? Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
Richard Haddon is an artist who has enjoyed some measure of success (as in people are purchasing his work) at age 34, but only from selling out to a more commercial idea. And in the same way he's let his authentic artistic self slip, he's stopped trying to make his marriage work. By the time the book starts, his affair is over, and this is more of the aftermath.
I would say this book was a fluffy summer read, which it is for the most part, except that it is also fairly insightful into marriage and all complexity (and difficulty.) Some of the characters and situations lack the depth needed to truly feel empathy towards them, but it kept me reading.
"I married my lover, time turned her into my sister. Truly, badly, I want my lover back. But we've twisted each other with our unspoken failures and our building scorn. A near decade later, we're warped. We are polluted. The well of love is black."
"I still worry that my departure and reappearance will lead her to think that marriage is expandable - that it ebbs and flows over time, with the principal characters coming and going as they please. But how can you tell the truth, the real truth, to a five-year-old? Expandable is exactly what a marriage is. If you refuse the possibility that bad things might happen, a marriage cannot survive."
December 14, 2014
Paris, relationships and art are usually a winning combination, but not in I Am Having So Much Fun Here Without You. British artist Richard Haddon is torn between his French wife Anne and his vibrant American ex-mistress. Little does Anne know that he's been cheating on her not once, but for months. When his mistress slams the door on him for good, Richard conveniently decides to throw himself wholeheartedly back into his marriage. Though Richard is the one who betrayed his family, it doesn't stop him from whining about missing them for hundreds of pages. How are we supposed to root for such a selfish home-wrecker in this disappointing story? I'm surprised this was written by a woman since it doesn't do justice to any female in it. You'll have a lot more fun without reading this book.
August 29, 2014
Somewhat overlong and angsty exploration of a marriage in crisis. The narrator, a British artist in his 30's, has cheated on his French lawyer wife with an American {horrors!!}. Once his wife discovers his infidelity, he suddenly realizes what he has lost and sets about trying to win her back. She resists, he persists, for 330 pages.
Some interesting glimpses of the art world and life in Paris, but otherwise I didn't find it especially compelling.
Some interesting glimpses of the art world and life in Paris, but otherwise I didn't find it especially compelling.
May 6, 2020
I liked this more than I thought I would. Richard is a fool, but he’s a fool that grows throughout the story. He realizes lust isn’t love and there’s a difference between a relationships built on one over the other. And as is the case in most infidelity stories, power to save the relationship is completely transferred to the cheated on partner, at the 70% point he realizes that ultimately only his wife can decide whether or not they can move forward—hard lesson learned.
August 21, 2015
The jacket hailed the author as a fresh new voice in fiction and I will agree. I have no idea of the author's life circumstances but her ability to paint a portrait of the struggles of marriage from a British male point of view married to a French woman shows remarkable talent. Her insight into how difficult married life can be was illuminating.
Beware, long quote ahead but feel the need to recite in its entirety to show the brilliance of this book.
"And no one tells you what it's going to feel like when the mystery is gone, or about the roots of repugnance that will twitch and rise inside you when you realize that your spouse has met the actual person behind each name in your phone's repertoire, that she knows exactly how much wine you've drunk on any given evening, knows when you are constipated, that she has stooped over to pull your graying chest hair from the drain, and the the familiarity between you has transformed from something comforting into something corrosive. You can't believe that you used to spend entire afternoons with your tongues inside each other's mouth. Can't remember when it started: the tit for tat, the scorecards, the bonus points and penalties for things promised and not done. No one explains that the busier you become with your careers and house and children, the more time you'll find to disappoint each other; squirreling away indignities like domestic accountants. Tallying regrets."
Beware, long quote ahead but feel the need to recite in its entirety to show the brilliance of this book.
"And no one tells you what it's going to feel like when the mystery is gone, or about the roots of repugnance that will twitch and rise inside you when you realize that your spouse has met the actual person behind each name in your phone's repertoire, that she knows exactly how much wine you've drunk on any given evening, knows when you are constipated, that she has stooped over to pull your graying chest hair from the drain, and the the familiarity between you has transformed from something comforting into something corrosive. You can't believe that you used to spend entire afternoons with your tongues inside each other's mouth. Can't remember when it started: the tit for tat, the scorecards, the bonus points and penalties for things promised and not done. No one explains that the busier you become with your careers and house and children, the more time you'll find to disappoint each other; squirreling away indignities like domestic accountants. Tallying regrets."
December 27, 2016
Update: I stuck with it, and I'm sad to report it didn't get any better. A cliché story about a middle aged white man with a cliché Madonna-Whore complex who still wins in the end without achieving any actual insight into his own (annoying) emotions or behavior. My book club girls will understand when I say this was basically the male version of 'Hausfrau'. Ugh.
Ugh. Guys, I'm halfway through and seriously considering giving it up. But, my friend Amy gave it 5 stars, and I respect her opinion, so maybe there's something redeeming coming...
Ugh. Guys, I'm halfway through and seriously considering giving it up. But, my friend Amy gave it 5 stars, and I respect her opinion, so maybe there's something redeeming coming...
October 23, 2014
I think I am just going to stop reading here, because this author? Thinks she is waaaaaay more clever than she really is (this isn't the first instance of "Oh, aren't I funny" but it's the last straw...): "'September 18, 2002. Dear Richard,' The letter started, as most letters addressed to me did." #gobacktowritingschool #needsagoodeditor
November 18, 2015
I've heard this book is AWESOME.
May 6, 2020
I love books on infidelity. I love the angst, it fascinates me how authors manage to write a story allowing characters to forgive and move forward with the consequences of their or their parterns infidelity. For me the story has to be told in a way that I can still like both characters at the end. Unfortunately, in this book, I didn't like the H at all. I wasn't convinced that he would still be trying to make his marriage work had his lover not ended the affair.
This book is the first I've read where the story is told solely from the H point of view. He came across as self centred and weak. I loved that the author managed to portray the h as level headed, not rushing to any decision and didn't create drama for drama's sake.
So why only 2 stars? Because I found it so depressing!! With the title of the book I was expecting some humour about a subject that can be so difficult to get right. What we got was a whiney, miserable woe is me character who was in desperate need of some home truths.
I loved the time line of this story, nothing was rushed. Wish I could have given it more stars, but the book wasn't what I was expecting.
This book is the first I've read where the story is told solely from the H point of view. He came across as self centred and weak. I loved that the author managed to portray the h as level headed, not rushing to any decision and didn't create drama for drama's sake.
So why only 2 stars? Because I found it so depressing!! With the title of the book I was expecting some humour about a subject that can be so difficult to get right. What we got was a whiney, miserable woe is me character who was in desperate need of some home truths.
I loved the time line of this story, nothing was rushed. Wish I could have given it more stars, but the book wasn't what I was expecting.
January 19, 2016
This is the second book about adultery my girl Katelyn has recommended to me in less than a year. I shall now be approaching all of her (generally excellent) recommendations with caution!
Cheating, adultery... is one of those topics that makes me extremely uncomfortable even in fiction. I start out empathizing 1000% with the victim, the person who was cheated on, and letting that righteous fury and indignation toward the cheater build up past the point of irrationality. I can't help but put myself in Ann's shoes, in this case. She feels so betrayed, impotent, worthless, and angry. Which, for a gorgeous, successful French woman has got to be an unfamiliar cocktail of emotions. Throughout most of the book I couldn't see any way for her to forgive Richard. Their separation seemed inevitable. Were I in her shoes, I wouldn't even have let the situation draw out as long as it did.
But usually, when reading about adultery, I eventually slip into the mindset of the cheater. Which feels awful. I don't want to empathize with a cheater! It feels icky and uncomfortable. This should tell you a little something about my naturally anxious and gormless personality, but I feel bad even thinking about being the cheater in that scenario.
Oddly enough though, there was never a moment in this book where I empathized with Richard, the cheater. I never once felt tempted to see it from his point of view or be gentle in my perception of him. Because frankly, Richard is a completely unlikable, selfish, foolish, asshole of a human being. He's literally The Worst. And he's the narrator. I had to spend this entire book inside his self-absorbed head. And that's really why I didn't love the book: because Richard is unbearable. Over and over again he goes "I'll do anything to get you back, wifey! Just tell me what to do!" And then he goes and does the opposite of what she asks, inevitably making the situation worse and more uncomfortable for his wife, who is really a saint for putting up with his bullshit thus far. And even when he finally does do the right thing (giving her the fucking space she asks for), it's his decision. He goes "I know what you need! Some space!" And to her credit Ann never says "Yes, that's what I've been begging you for ever since this whole thing blew up in our faces you feckless wanker."
I was charmed by the setting. The Paris art scene was surprisingly less pretentious and snobbish than I expected. It was real and lovely. I thought Richard's art project on the Iraq War was actually kind of cool (even if he felt no personal investment in the war and was mostly using it as an artistic distraction from his personal problems). I loved the relationship between Richard and his little daughter, Camille. Sometimes I envision rich people having very distant, cold relationships with their children. Such is not the case with this book. And despite my distaste for the narrator, I have to admit that it was fairly well written.
All in all, I'm not sure this one was for me. The central plot is the kind of sordid drama that we all find interesting, but if I'm going to read about adultery I don't want it to be through the mind of Richard, that is to say, a spoiled man-child who can't empathize with other human beings beyond what he has to do to get what he wants.
Cheating, adultery... is one of those topics that makes me extremely uncomfortable even in fiction. I start out empathizing 1000% with the victim, the person who was cheated on, and letting that righteous fury and indignation toward the cheater build up past the point of irrationality. I can't help but put myself in Ann's shoes, in this case. She feels so betrayed, impotent, worthless, and angry. Which, for a gorgeous, successful French woman has got to be an unfamiliar cocktail of emotions. Throughout most of the book I couldn't see any way for her to forgive Richard. Their separation seemed inevitable. Were I in her shoes, I wouldn't even have let the situation draw out as long as it did.
But usually, when reading about adultery, I eventually slip into the mindset of the cheater. Which feels awful. I don't want to empathize with a cheater! It feels icky and uncomfortable. This should tell you a little something about my naturally anxious and gormless personality, but I feel bad even thinking about being the cheater in that scenario.
Oddly enough though, there was never a moment in this book where I empathized with Richard, the cheater. I never once felt tempted to see it from his point of view or be gentle in my perception of him. Because frankly, Richard is a completely unlikable, selfish, foolish, asshole of a human being. He's literally The Worst. And he's the narrator. I had to spend this entire book inside his self-absorbed head. And that's really why I didn't love the book: because Richard is unbearable. Over and over again he goes "I'll do anything to get you back, wifey! Just tell me what to do!" And then he goes and does the opposite of what she asks, inevitably making the situation worse and more uncomfortable for his wife, who is really a saint for putting up with his bullshit thus far. And even when he finally does do the right thing (giving her the fucking space she asks for), it's his decision. He goes "I know what you need! Some space!" And to her credit Ann never says "Yes, that's what I've been begging you for ever since this whole thing blew up in our faces you feckless wanker."
I was charmed by the setting. The Paris art scene was surprisingly less pretentious and snobbish than I expected. It was real and lovely. I thought Richard's art project on the Iraq War was actually kind of cool (even if he felt no personal investment in the war and was mostly using it as an artistic distraction from his personal problems). I loved the relationship between Richard and his little daughter, Camille. Sometimes I envision rich people having very distant, cold relationships with their children. Such is not the case with this book. And despite my distaste for the narrator, I have to admit that it was fairly well written.
All in all, I'm not sure this one was for me. The central plot is the kind of sordid drama that we all find interesting, but if I'm going to read about adultery I don't want it to be through the mind of Richard, that is to say, a spoiled man-child who can't empathize with other human beings beyond what he has to do to get what he wants.
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