It's like there's gravity between us - she's the only thing anchoring me to the world, keeping me from floating off into the upper stratosphere and getting lost in space.
I'm definitely reading this at the wrong time.
If I had read this book eight years ago, I probably would've appreciated it more, as this is a f/f book from 2013 with an openly queer cover. I mean, look at that. Stunning.
But now, in 2021, I just didn't really care for this. We now have the luxury of dozens upon dozens of f/f books, which I know wasn't a thing eight years ago, but that means I'm looking at this book through a more critical lens than I initially would've.
I'm always down for a good friends-to-lovers with a dash of mutual pining in there. Love it, and it's queer? The perfect formula.
Payton and Kendall have been best friends their entire lives, but Payton stayed in the shadows while Kendall rose to wild levels of fame as an actress. When Payton realizes that she's fallen for Kendall, she tries to bury her feelings as Kendall deals with her own identity in the glaring spotlight of Hollywood.
But then I remember that not everyone on the planet knows Payton. They know me, and I know her.
That's what made the book a little strange - Payton literally realizes, in chapter 2, that she's in love with Kendall. Right in the chapter. And then one day later she's quietly crying to herself that Kendall will never feel the same way. It's pretty fast.
Payton is comfortably gay. But Kendall, who's had boyfriends before, is thrown by her newfound attraction to her friend and starts to question her sexuality. Except it... it's a little odd.
First off, Kendall goes through the "What are these feelings? I'm not gay!" and tries to push everything aside. But when she started to actually ask questions, they came off a bit... biphobic? Because she's very specifically wondering if she's gay or straight without acknowledging that there are other options. But this does get addressed, actually, when Kendall is talking with a fellow celeb who has a female ex. Kendall asks if she's gay, and she responds that she just dates who she likes. Kendall is stunned at the idea of bisexuality, but she never seriously considers it herself. She never really takes a label, either, just declaring herself as being in love with Payton.
But that... that got old.
Payton and Kendall both realize pretty early on that they have feelings for one another, but they deal with it differently. Honestly, Kendall was acting so petty and jealous that I didn't really want them to end up together for a while. I get that she's acting out, but it was a lot.
Also, this book doesn't dive into the topics it mentions as much as it could. Kendall claims she doesn't want to go public with Payton because of her fear of homophobia, but we never really see any examples of where her fear lies. In the book, Kendall even stars in a f/f film that she wins an award for, so if anything she's in a good position to come out. But even if she is scared because she doesn't have a label, or she's scared for Payton, or her parents - none of it is properly addressed. The characters' motivations are still unclear.
Each bar I play is like another excruciating stab to the chest. Music. This is how I bleed.
The writing - it just wasn't great. It was very statement-like for the most part. Also, Kendall uses the r-word against disabled people three separate times (in the form of "That was so r------- of me!") and says, at one point, "I'm sort of OCD about people touching me." I know this is 2013, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth.
There were some good lines, and good character moments, such as the way Payton the one person who centers Kendall, but it never felt strong enough for me.
I understand that this book meant a lot to people because of when it came out (ha), but in 2021 I was a bit let down. I might pick up the author's other book, though - she's only written one other and it came out this year, so it might be interesting to see how her writing has changed.
2/5 stars.