HEALTHY PARENTING: AN EMPOWERING GUIDE FOR ADULT CHILDREN

by Janet Geringer Woititz

In every family, parenting is filled with challenges as well as joys, and making the choice to become a parent means choosing both. But if you come from a troubled or dysfunctional family where you were emotionally or physically abused, you may wonder if you are really ready to parent children in a healthy way. The example set by your own parents taught you what you don't want for your children. How can you overcome this painful legacy and create what you do want: a stable, well-functioning home where your children feel safe, valued, and loved? The good news is that dysfunctional patterns and troubled lives do not have to be handed down to the next generation. Janet G. Woititz has counseled families for more than 20 years. Now, in Healthy Parenting, she draws upon her vast practical experience as a therapist, mother, and best-selling author to bring you the support and guidance you seek in creating a safe, nurturing environment for your children. Clear, direct, and practical, Healthy Parenting contrasts what happens in a healthy family with what happens in an unhealthy family, enabling you to identify the trouble spots in your own background and to overcome them in dealing with your own children. Effective parenting, Woititz contends, emerges from being able to recognize how your upbringing influences the way you raise your children, and knowing how to keep what works and discard what doesn't. Writing with clarity and compassion, she explores the vital challenges every parent faces - issues such as understanding boundaries, tolerating feelings, responding to a crisis, and learning to emphasize love rather than shame in teaching or disciplining a child. Throughout Healthy Parenting, frank and clarifying examples of common parenting dilemmas and triumphs bring these matters into brilliant focus. When adult children of troubled families learn what normal parenting is and what it is not, great burdens can be lifted, healing can take place, and loving, secure childr

Genres: Parenting, Self Help, Psychology, Family, Nonfiction, Relationships

224 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 1992

Reviews

[Margot Note]

"What is a troubled family? It is a family that is adult-centered and in which the needs of children do not come first" (13),

"It is my belief that with very few exceptions, no one deliberately creates a harmful environment for children. Nonetheless, it happens. However, lack of knowledge of how to create a good environment and lack of malevolent intent do not absolve one of responsibility" (23).

"In a dysfunctional family, the child's needs are not considered. It is more the reverse. In these families it is the child's job to keep the parent happy or at the very least appeased. It is up to the child to be there for the parent, not the reverse.
The child adapts to the situation. The joys of childhood are kept secret because if they are expressed they will be spoiled. The angers of childhood are kept silent because they will not be supported and they will cause the child more problems. The fears of childhood are pushed aside before they will be mocked and minimized. The self is squashed" (37).

"If you grew up in a family where one parent was addicted and other parent was addicted to the parent who was addicted; or where there was only one parent, who was totally overwhelmed by all the responsibilities; or where all the answers to every question were written in stone; or in any other home where there was no time or energy to answer your many questions, you simply learned how not to ask. You learned you were a nuisance if you asked and you wouldn't get answers that made sense to your anyway. So if you did ask, you were ignored, abused, or made to feel guilty that you had added to the burden of an already overwhelmed parent. You stopped asking questions. Your questions were stupid anyway.
As a result you grew up without a data base for life. You learned much in school, but no one answered the more fundamental questions involved in everyday life. No one taught you how to get along in this world" (88).

[Corina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Am citit aceasta carte in limba romana - versiunea aparuta in 2020 "Mai bun decat parintii tai" - si mi-a oferit mai multa claritate asupra unor pattern-uri dobandinte in copilarie care se rasfrang asupra propriilor copii si cum pot fi identificate si vindecate ranile noastre drept copii. Si desi multi dintre noi am spune ca provenim din familii sanatoase, functionale, mai mult ca sigur putem repera macar cateva comportamente ale unuia sau ale ambilor parinti care se incadreaza in tiparul disfunctional. De aceea, consider ca e o lectura potrivita pentru oricine, care duce la o mai buna si aprofundata intelegere a sinelui.

Un citat care o sa ramana cu mine mult timp:
"Nu-i treaba copilului sa te tina pe tine departe de frustrari si dezamagiri. Treaba lui e sa fie copil. Iar daca, in decursul copilariei sale, iti aduce satisfactii ori te face mandra ca-i esti mama...ei bine, acesta e un beneficiu aditional. Nu implica vreo obligatie a lui."

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a slim book with a powerful message. Written particularly for people who grew up in dysfunctional families, the author delineates benchmarks of healthy parenting for people who may not have received healthy parenting themselves. Each chapter begins with a mantra-like statement, such as: "In a healthy family it is the job of the parents to take care of the children. In an unhealthy family it is the job of the children to take care of the parents." There is a lot of food for thought here, whether from the perspective of an adult child of impaired parents, or as a parent yourself. Highly recommended.

[Cristina R · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read, especially good for new parents and to learn about how we develop as individuals based on our parents parenting style.

[M · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, insightful stuff for those who attempt to parent differently than their parents.

[Lily · Rating 3 out of 5]

she is from west caldwell.