Another bookshelf reread.
This book follow KJ, a girl who loves participating in school musicals as part of the crew, but not part of the cast. She tries to be nice and responsible, and as a result of her interests and kindness, she attracts geeks.
There’s scrawny, creepy Glenn who always has his hands on her, stares at not her eyes whenever he talks to her, and puts her on the spot with his expectant flirting. There’s Fred, who she’s known forever. He lives on the same street as her so their families are close, her mom likes him, and he always brings her gifts. She can’t say no to him because he’s sweet and gives her puppy eyes. Then there’s Andy, her assistant stage manager.. He’s scientific and a health enthusiast. She finds none of them appealing and has always had a crush on Cameron, the popular guy at school.
This year their school is putting on Grease, and popular Tama goes against the status quo each year to participate in the school musical, during which time she befriends KJ. Last year she stopped talking to her after the musical ended, but KJ still jumps at the chance to hang again when Tama get the lead role. Tama realizes she likes Cameron and offers to set them up.
During one uncomfortable encounter with Glenn, lead actor Robbie saves KJ from having to deal with him. Robbie used to be good friends with Cameron and the athletes, but he suddenly stopped and just left the group entirely, joining music things instead. At first she thinks he likes her, and her friend Stephanie says that makes sense because he’s a geek, which KJ isn’t so sure about.
It turns out Robbie actually likes Tama, and he seeks KJ’s help to set them up. She tells him things she learns about Tama’s interests. Tama already has a boyfriend, Leo, who she says is the one good thing in her life. That’s hard to believe since every scene they’re in involves them getting into a screaming match. They clearly aren’t healthy for each other. Tama hates the idea of him going to college because she “would just die” if he went away, so even when he shows interest, she gets mad and tries to talk him out of it. In turn, he disapproves of her going to therapy for her anger issues, so she hides it from him and has KJ drive her. Neither is respectful to each other.
Robbie isn’t wrong when he says Tama deserves better. Both her and Leo would be better off with different people, but Leo isn’t exactly friendly or polite to anyone, so I don’t know if that would work. Tama isn’t either. She’s the kind of friend who makes you feel like they’re doing you a favor when you do them favors. I wanted more depth from her.
Tama did seem much better at first. She notices the way KJ suffers from all the geek attention and that she wants to tell them to stop but can’t get herself to say the words, so she offers to help her. She wants to help KJ gain the confidence to stand up for herself, so she acts as her guide. She takes her to a party so weird people could talk to her, but KJ can’t even tell strangers to leave her alone. Seeing her get too overwhelmed, Tama steps in and chases them off, which shows emotional awareness and consideration, right? It also gives KJ a blueprint on what to say, and when someone treats her similarly to how Glenn does, KJ gets so angry that she finally speaks up.
Later Glenn shows up at the diner where they were hanging out and just sits in her booth without an invite with some of his friends and starts telling not-her-face that he had told his friends all about her, and she gets angry enough to finally tell him off.
She feels good about it, but Stephanie calls her later to scold her. The next day, Glenn confronts her, saying he wasn’t okay with how she disrespected him and he couldn’t be friends with someone like that. It’s a relief to her, but Stephanie doesn’t approve.
I get that it’s better to handle these situations with more consideration and less yelling and humiliation, but Stephanie’s attitude toward the whole thing was not good. The girls’ friendship went up and down throughout the book, and I could understand why KJ was so frustrated with Stephanie and felt like she wasn’t on her side. KJ had complained about this forever, but Stephanie didn’t see the problem. It seemed like any time KJ said something or got visibly frustrated, Stephanie would immediately reprimand her, and it seemed like the reader was supposed to understand Stephanie’s viewpoint, that KJ was in the wrong. But no.
Like when she scolds her for telling off Glenn and KJ points out the way he always treated her and where he stared, Stephanie just says he doesn’t know any better. That’s kinda messed up. It’s very difficult not to know any better. You don’t touch someone without their permission. You don’t stare at people where you shouldn’t stare. You don’t back them into corners and make demands in front of an audience. Everyone else could see she was uncomfortable in those situations, so it’s not like it wasn’t obvious, he just didn’t see it. She shouldn’t have to always verbalize that. Not everyone can.
Why does Stephanie never speak up when guys are putting too much on KJ, especially when she’s clearly getting overwhelmed and upset?
When Tama took her to the party and KJ put up with creepy people because she didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, Tama asked why they should be allowed to make her uncomfortable but she couldn’t do the same to them? Especially if she was only making them uncomfortable for making her uncomfortable. And she was so right. Tama was far more supportive in that regard that Stephanie.
KJ could only tell off Glenn because he was being pushy and she was already upset in that moment. She knew she couldn’t do that to the other two, who were pushy in different ways but not disrespectful. They were nice.
The problem was that Tama was so okay with being mean to everyone. She enjoyed putting people on the spot in public and embarrassing them. She even did that with Leo. But the things the people in this school laugh at are so stupid. No wonder everyone’s so afraid of doing something stupid and getting laughed at. People in this place are monsters. My school would never.
KJ gets to start talking to Cameron. It was all very boring.
She bonds more with Robbie. He’s judgmental of her music taste – which I didn’t like. A person can like any music, you don’t have to like all the same things. Plenty of people like variety, so it’s not like she disliked his music tastes just because he disliked some of hers – but other than that he’s fine. At least he eagerly takes her CD shopping, except it takes only a few minutes because he’d decided exactly what he wanted her to get before they got there.
The rest of the musical cast is getting frustrated because Tama gets her way a lot since she has KJ wrapped around her finger. Stephanie says Tama is brainwashing her. Andy keeps asking KJ survey questions which are clearly to find out her interests. He also tries to influence what she eats because health.
KJ’s dad is an alcoholic. The family is always uneasy waiting for him to get home, how late, if he’ll be drunk, if he’ll be a happy drunk or a yelling one. She kinda hates him for it, and is annoyed with her mom for putting up with it. Anytime she tries to speak up, her mom hushes her, even when she’s boiling with rage. Her mom acts like KJ’s the crazy one for being upset.
She starts to like Robbie as she helps him learn about Tama’s interests, but she focuses herself on Cameron instead.
The cast and crew are supposed to go to a party at Fred’s, but Tama decides to ditch and drag KJ along with Cameron, but they go to hang out at the bar that KJ’s dad frequents. She hates alcohol because of him and finds it unappealing that they’re drinking, but she finds any way to twist things around to make Cameron appealing again. Leo and Tama fight so the girls leave, but then they run into KJ’s dad, who tries to scold her, but she get angry and storms off.
They go to Fred’s party. Most people skipped. Stephanie had told him KJ was sick, but KJ admits the truth and Fred questions why she would skip out on him. She’s clearly already upset, but when she shows a little annoyance about others scolding her, Stephanie reprimands her, so KJ breaks down and flips out on everyone, especially the geeks that like her, telling them she doesn’t feel that way about them and to leave her alone. Then she runs out. Tama is proud, but Stephanie doesn’t talk to her for a few days.
Stephanie and Tama clearly don’t like each other, but there’s no clear origin for it.
KJ goes home to see her dad yelling at her crying little brother about dropping a glass, so she freaks out on him too, pointing out it’s not a secret that he’s drunk. He says she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she reminds him they ran into each other at the bar. She expects to get grounded and for everyone to hate her, but Robbie comforts her later.
Tama fights with Leo about college and says she could date anyone, so she goes to Robbie’s house and asks him out. Impressed and jealous, KJ asks Cameron out. They both have their dates on the same night. Before they leave, Tama tells KJ she’s just going with Robbie to make Leo jealous, so KJ feels guilty for setting this up because he truly likes her. She’s also disturbed that Tama could play with someone’s feelings without a care.
Both pairs end up at the diner afterwards. Leo shows up and tries to pick a fight with Robbie because that’s what Tama wants, except Tama had told KJ that Robbie was so sweet and she didn’t know a guy could be that respectful and good and caring, and she’s truly interested in him now like KJ hoped, but she also wants to change him. Robbie is clearly annoyed already, realizing Tama isn’t that interested and that this was a ruse, so he tells Leo and Tama he’s not interested in her, scolds Tama for doing this, then leaves.
KJ’s date ends with a kiss. She hates it. She’s upset and finds Robbie and apologizes for knowing his date was a scam. He understands and walks her home, only to find that her dad’s car is crashed into a telephone pole. She’s really worried, but learns he’s only unconscious because he was drunk and has minor injuries and never woke up even when he crashed. She is disgusted and wants her mom to do something because even major moments never teach her dad, but her mom thinks she’s being unreasonable.
Robbie, Stephanie, and Fred stay with her until her mom comes back from the hospital, so she apologizes to Fred and thanks him, and makes up with Stephanie. There were things where Stephanie was the better friend, and where Tama was better, and things where each girl was the worse friend.
She doesn’t answer Cameron’s calls but talks to him at school. It’s a small town, so everyone knows about the wreck. She called Tama a lot but got no response, and Tama clearly doesn’t care afterwards since everything turned out fine, and she was busy with Leo.
KJ has to visit her dad at the hospital and be nice. He tells her things will change. He’s said that before. She doesn’t believe him.
KJ apologizes to Fred again, gives him a gift realizing he’s always given her stuff but she’s never done the same, and says she realized he’s one of her closest friends and she doesn’t want that to change. She also apologizes to Andy, who reveals he was working on a compatibility chart and already figured out they weren’t a good match no matter how much he wanted it, but she’s learned Stephanie has a crush on him, and they’re both scientific, so she wants to answer his questions as Stephanie to test that compatibility.
She also apologizes to Glenn. He smugly accepts, then she tells him he owes her an apology too and calmly explains how he makes her feel and that his treatment isn’t okay, and if he decides to talk to her again and wants to be friends, he has to give her a little respect. She acknowledges he doesn’t want to hear this as he looks sick, and once she’s done he just puts on loud headphones and turns away.
She goes on a date with Cameron at the arcade but doesn’t play games, just watches him. A kid jeers at him and challenges him to compete, where winner gets the others’ tickets. The kid is a jerk, but after Cameron starts winning and jeers back, the kid looks upset and KJ is appalled. Cameron wins and gets the tickets, she says that wasn’t fair and gives them back, then the kid leaves quickly before he can take them back, and Cameron says he’ll allow it if she buys him a soda.
This is where I disagree with KJ. Maybe Cameron wasn’t behaving the best, but not everyone has to be perfectly, dotingly mature. Maybe people who has a younger sibling with the age difference KJ and her brother have, and if you’re also kind of a caretaker toward them, that mindset comes more naturally, but people without that aren’t all going to be that way. Some might, but it’s not a given by any means. The kid was a jerk. He walked over, starting insulting, told Cameron he sucked, but when Cameron did it back, he was in the wrong?
He wasn’t right, but he wasn’t appalling. Being older and bigger doesn’t guarantee he’s more skilled, to counter the argument KJ makes. She said she would have let the kid win, but again, he was a jerk. Don’t reward that. Don’t make it okay to go up to strangers at any age and start insulting them and expect to be treated well. Regardless of his intentions, Cameron would’ve taught the kid a lesson on respect and behavior better than KJ would. Ultimately, beating him and not taking his tickets was probably the best course of action, so he still got some humility, but come on. This annoyed me
Cameron’s always glad that her and Tama were friends. He knows they’ve been fighting and wants them to make up, and KJ realizes it’s because she’s acceptable only as long as she’s friends with Tama because Tama makes her acceptable. She realizes he’s as shallow as Robbie warned, and that he’s a geek in his own way but it’s hidden behind other things. So she throws her drink on him.
I forgot why her and Tama were fighting.. Now that things ended badly between Tama and Robbie, Tama is unprofessional during dress rehearsal. KJ finally pleases the cast by standing up to Tama. Tama storms off and refuses to return to the play. They don’t have any understudies. One girl had played the lead in a different Grease performance, so she knows the lines, but that means KJ, also knowing all the lines and blocking, needs to fill in for her role.
They try and fail to get Tama back. Going on stage is KJ’s biggest fear, but her friends manage to soothe her and get her on. She doesn’t do well, crashes down mid-song, but Glenn, in charge of lighting, points it at another actress, who takes over the song. After act 1, Tama visits backstage and KJ scolds her for doing this to them.
Tama tries to argue back, saying they’re not even friends, but KJ points out all the things Tama told her and no one else, how they’ve helped each other, and says she’s the only real friend Tama has because her popular friends wouldn’t have her back, but if she ditches them for the performance, she’ll lose KJ. Tama begrudgingly gives in and everyone returns to the stage in their proper roles.
They all celebrate afterwards, Glenn gives KJ flowers and some respect, she thanks him for saving her with the lights, her and Robbie get together. The night before opening night, her mom had told their dad he had to get help with his drinking or leave since he had relapsed, so he stormed out. KJ’s brother was mad about it, but he gets over it. KJ never has hope that her dad will change, but she realizes she should have confronted her mom, the reasonable one, long ago rather than her dad, despite her mom always being condescending about it and acting like KJ was wrong. KJ finally has hope now.
KJ gets into her head a lot and her self-esteem can plummet easily. She can make up her own thoughts on what others are thinking and start freaking out about that. At one point Tama put on lip gloss that swells lips, so KJ asked to use it, but Tama tells her she already had full lips. It wasn’t even a backhanded compliment. There was nothing negative in what she said, but KJ overthought it and started spiraling into thoughts about how giant and balloony her lips were.
She goes into these silent panics about what other people must be thinking until they say something that reassures her. She’s always so certain people will think she’s a freak and want to get away from her if they know about her dad, which is stupid and I wondered how she could think so feebly. Then again, that school is trash and everyone’s ridiculous, so maybe she’s not wrong. But it’s not like she would treat someone badly in their own similar situations, like with Tama’s therapy (aside from the fight where she blurted it out to throw it in her face), so she should have used that logic to realize others wouldn’t be jerks either.
I can understand why she wouldn’t think that way though. I thought it was very fitting. I couldn’t relate to everything she did, but I could understand it. Like, I did see good qualities in Cameron and wanted them to be accurate just like she did, but I didn’t find him interesting to read about, and I didn’t agree with her obsession, yet I can understand it because I know those feelings, just for much more interesting people than Cameron.
I think the first time I read this book, I was rooting for one of the geeks, but Robbie made sense this time. It wasn’t a mindblowing love story. That wasn’t even the entire point of the book, because there was plenty of other stuff going on. Robbie was there for her and really considerate, so that was good. I’m also there for and really considerate of my pets, so I’m good too.