Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom - Lisa-jo’s Story of Becoming & Being a Mom, and in the Process, & Discovering

by Lisa-Jo Baker

A lawyer with a well-stamped passport and a passion for human rights, Lisa-Jo Baker never wanted to be a mom. And then she had kids. Having lost her own mother to cancer as a teenager, Lisa-Jo felt lost on her journey to womanhood and wholly unprepared to raise children. Surprised by Motherhood is Lisa-Jo's story of becoming and being a mom, and in the process, discovering that all the "what to expect" and "how to" books in the world can never truly prepare you for the sheer exhilaration, joy, and terrifying love that accompanies motherhood.Set partly in South Africa and partly in the US (with a slight detour to Ukraine along the way), Surprised by Motherhood is a poignant memoir of one woman's dawning realization that being a mom isn't about being perfect—it's about being present.

Genres: Parenting, Memoir, Nonfiction, Christian, Christianity, Faith, Biography

240 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2014

Reviews

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The thing about memoirs is that the voice telling the story is usually even more important than the story. Unfortunately, this one didn’t really speak to me. The author uses an abundance of flowery words to say very little. The story is told somewhat chronologically, but with tons of flashbacks and has an overall rambling feel to it. If I hadn’t been required to write a review (as we are with everything through Amazon Vine) I might not have finished the book.

The marketing claims that there is some big change in the author’s life. (For the record, I know nothing about this woman except what’s in this book. A lot of other reviewers seem to have already been fans.) I didn’t find a big change, no “surprise” of motherhood. She swore off having kids as a teenager and later changed her mind. That in itself isn’t terribly remarkable. How many of us now laugh at some of our teenage mindsets? The thought process behind the change could still have been interesting except that there doesn’t seem to be one. She didn’t want to be a mom because her church told her it was required of her. The decision not to have kids comes across as nothing more than adolescent rebellion. She starts trying for a baby after someone else tells her God will love her either way. This doesn’t seem to be something she comes to realize on her own. And while I assume there was some deliberation, I didn’t see it in the book.

The author talks about wanting to encourage other moms, but if that was the goal of the book I believe it misses the mark. I’m not encouraged by a diatribe of the challenges and difficulties of motherhood. Whenever she talks about the love a mother feels it’s the aching “What would I do if something terrible happened to my kids?” kind of love and not the equally beautiful “My kids just did something so cute I can hardly stand it” kind of love. If you want to encourage me, don’t remind me of the sacrifices. Remind me of the things that make the sacrifices totally worth it. Remind me that for every mountain of laundry I conquer, there will be an adorable (though possibly sticky) hug. Remind me that for every dinner I make that all four kids complain about, there will be a pile-up on the living room floor that puts me on the bottom, always on the bottom. And even though I am (for now) stronger than all the kids combined, I still won’t be able to get up because I’m laughing too hard at the ridiculous joy a five-year-old gets from sitting on my foot.

Also counter to encouragement is the recurring thread of the author wanting to do something greater with her life. Even after having kids, she appears to want to find something more important than being a mom. The best encouragement any parent can receive is a firm declaration that no one is “just” a mom or “just” a dad. Teaching children to be good citizens of this world is not insignificant. And given that this is a Christian book, let’s not forget the next world. We moms (and dads) are raising future saints. That’s something we can feel good about even when one of them uses the couch as a tissue. And especially when one of them finally tells a joke that does not involve poop and is actually funny.

[Kristine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This by far is my favorite book about motherhood I have ever read. I wish I could go back to my new mother self and give her this book. Sometimes It is like salve on your heart, sometimes it makes you puff your chest out with pride, and other times put your face to the floor humbled at what a beautiful and loving God we have. The beautiful prose lingers with you. The whole thing makes me want to flip to chapter one and start over again!

[Heather Neroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was, without a doubt, the most beautifully written book I have ever read.

[Kristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I figured I'd like Lisa-Jo Baker's book. Her blog posts make me feel like a superhero, even on the hardest mothering days. Even so, "Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom" exceed my expectations.

Lisa-Jo's story is set partly in her South African homeland and her adopted U.S. home. An honest memoir of becoming a mother after losing her own, Lisa-Jo's words are poetic and real.Lisa-Jo tells of her surprises and how they came after loss and adventure and coming home and leaving home and settling in and letting go and embracing the right now. And in the chaos she found more of Jesus, more of God's glory.

"Surprised by Motherhood" was one of those books I didn't want to stop reading but I didn't want it to end. So, mommas, this book is worth carrying with you and soaking in when you get a few quite moments between diaper changes and carpool and loads of laundry and homework guidance and making dinner and packing lunches. My guess is it'll make you notice a little more of God's glory right in your own house.

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lisa-Jo had some childhood scars (including the heartbreaking death of her mom when Lisa-Jo was eighteen) that led to her declaring to her husband in their dating stage that she would never want to have kids. Fast-forward a decade later and she has three. This memoir looks at how she got from Point A to Point B. Her lyrical writing reminds me of Ann Voskamp and flows beautifully both on print and on the audiobook (I used both to read the book). She is honest about her struggles being a mom, including both hilarious stories as well as gut-wrenchingly vulnerable ones. This is not a "how to" manual in the least; it is a woman's somewhat reluctant but ultimately satisfying journey through the first years of motherhood. She highlights lessons God taught her along the way, the importance of having other women rooting you on, and becoming okay with the not-so-perfect moments of motherhood that can be truly sanctifying though excruciatingly difficult in the process. She is witty, funny, thought-provoking, and honest. I enjoyed it, especially since a lot of her stories revolved around childbirth and her babies being itty-bitty, which is the season I am in right now.

Rating: G

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐
This was a good book and had some great encouragement in it. It wasn't quite what I was expecting and the authors style of writing was a little flowery and allegorical for me. She also would skip around time periods in her life which could be a bit hard to follow.

[Rachael Marsceau · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lisa-Jo was a girl growing up in a church that told her her godliness hung in the balance if she decided on a career over children. The more children she had, the higher her standing with God would be. This pressure, combined with a lack of encouragement from her own mother and awkwardness with her own womanhood, made her decide to never, ever have kids. Fast-forward a few years after the death of her mother and Lisa-Jo's marriage to a MI man and she finds herself with three little munchkins that call her "mom." This is her journey. Her story of transformation.

What I liked: My favorite parts of the book were where Lisa-Jo connected motherhood - parenting - to what Christ has done and continues to do for us. It brought me to tears of thankfulness multiple times as I meditated on what true, unconditional, sacrificial love looks like. I also love her real-life, tell-it-like-it-is humor. :)

What I didn't like: The author talks a lot without saying very much. I felt like I was reading in circles most of the time. She's also very confusing with her lack of definition of how exactly her mother failed at mothering. She wants to act like she had all this baggage of having a daydreaming mother, but she describes very little of it, past the fact that she didn't tell Lisa-Jo she was beautiful. Really? That's all that matters to your emotional self? That ruined the next 18 years of your life? Wow. As a Christian, there should be another source of self-acceptance and self-confidence, just saying.

So yeah, the book was okay, and thankfully it was a fast read. It just left me wondering how Lisa-Jo Baker could manage to get enough people to stick with her rambling on and on about her poor, sad, awkward teenage years. The book reminded me of a school writing project where the title didn't match the content. Meh.

[Gretchen Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried my way through every chapter of Surprised By Motherhood. Through the sadness and joy, death and new birth, the redemption is so beautiful. I think that every daughter mourns something about her growing up relationship with her mother, and Lisa-Jo brings us through the mourning process in ways that help us focus on the beauty and learn from the mess of the past. Likewise, every mother is surprised in some way by motherhood, and those sacred moments Lisa-Jo shares with us so poignantly we can't help but learn from her trust in and reliance on God. A definite must-read, and the perfect gift for every mom, whether it's her first child or her last grandchild who is on the way.

[Sarah Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can appreciate that this was a deeply personal book for the author to write, and I identified strongly with a lot of what she said. Parts of it were a bit too meandering and felt superfluous - though I'm sure they were vital to her as she shared her story. All in all, I found it to be a good read, though not always as concise as I would have liked.

[Irina Trancă · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally someone I could relate to! Beautifully written, heart-breaking, but also full of hope and God's grace.

[Rachel Lundy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lisa-Jo Baker is a writer, encourager of women, and cheerleader for moms. When I heard that she was writing a memoir of her life and the way motherhood changed her, I knew it would be a delight and encouragement to read. As expected, the book did not disappoint. Lisa-Jo weaves words and writes with a beauty and honesty that will immediately draw you in.

In Surprised by Motherhood, Lisa-Jo tells her story of growing up in South Africa and losing her mom at the age of 18. She knew that she never wanted to be a mom herself, but God had different plans! He worked in her heart and healed her. He gave her children who have taught her, challenged her, and helped to change her. Lisa-Jo learned that motherhood is hard, but glorious.

This isn’t a “how-to” book with secrets and formulas for helping babies sleep, potty training little ones, instructing toddlers, or raising teenagers. This is the story of the making of a mother. It is Lisa-Jo’s story, and her heart is in these pages. This story is for all of the exhausted and tired moms who think they can’t do it. It is for the moms who are searching for happiness and humor in the mundane. This book is for all women who enjoy a good story of motherhood and mess and joy.

I personally enjoyed reading Lisa-Jo’s story very much. Even if you are a regular reader on her blog, there is so much in this book that will be new. It is worth the read!

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. provided me with a complimentary review copy of Surprised by Motherhood. All opinions are my own.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book wholeheartedly until the last quarter or so. The book is based on the fact that Lisa-Jo never wanted to be a mother, and then once she became one, she loved it. However, toward the end, she started to insinuate that motherhood wasn't enough for her, and she also needed to go change the world. I understand that she was struggling with balancing her life as a mom with her passions, and I think that's something all moms struggle with, but the way it came across sounded as if being "just" a mom isn't good enough; we should also be working to change the world. The whole book had been so honest, comforting, and refreshing, and this chapter felt discouraging and like a punch in the gut. I have no doubt that she had good intentions in writing it, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. Not to mention, I felt like it undermined the message of the book.

Other than that, this book was a breath of fresh air. Sometimes it's just good to know that we're all struggling and we don't have it together. She perfectly put into words so many things I've thought since having a baby. It's like she was reading my mind. Normally I'm not one for flowery, overly-poetic writing, but this book was exactly what I needed.

[Lacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had never read Lisa Jo's blog and came to her story uninitiated.

I liked the arc of her story, and was fascinated by the cultural and relational influences at work in the author's life.

However, I think the book needed heavy editing and restructuring. It meandered chronologically, which is fine in fiction but incredibly frustrating in a memoir without very clear boundaries as to how time will be shifting.

It felt like a lot of blog posts reworked into a story but that somewhere in the writing, Baker lost perspective on whether it would make sense to a reader. I also found the prose far too descriptive & poetic at times - it grew laborious.

However, I loved the chapter Baker wrote on her second son and battling for him in prayer to rewrite his story. That for me was worth the rest of the book.

I also echo other reviewers' sentiments that Baker doesn't actually outline what might have changed her heart about being a mother or how the healing she mentions repeatedly comes.

It was Interesting in a lot of places but just had too many problems for me to really enjoy.

[LibraryLaur · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely memoir of losing and becoming a mother. As I read this book, many tears were shed and much head-nodding occurred. This is a beautiful book that I will be sharing with every new mom I know from now on. As a mom and a librarian, I have read many parenting/motherhood books, and this is among the very best of them. It's not a "how-to," but a "why" -- and don't we need more of those?

*Thanks to the publisher for providing an e-galley for review through NetGalley.

[Kate Motaung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can't say enough about this book.

I had the privilege of sharing a review on the author's website, as well as a separate review on Ungrind Webzine.

Both can be viewed here:

http://reflectiontherapy.wordpress.co...

If you don't read the reviews, just buy the book.

It's that good.

[Ashley Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not able to put this book down. It is so beautifully written and touches the depths of my heart. Such a powerful story of redemption and motherhood.

[Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Underwhelmed with this one.

This book was basically all summary. Very little showing. Lots of telling. Which means it's hard to grasp what the author is trying to say between the lines and leaves a lot to interpretation.

My interpretation here is that the author was clearly, and rightfully, very upset and damaged by her mother's death when she was eighteen years old. To cope, she never fully worked through it, but instead shielded herself, saying she never wanted kids. This book seemed to be the first time she really "put out there" any kind of feelings resembling working through her death, which probably amounted to about half of the book.

But I am left wondering what changed in her to make to her want to have kids suddenly. I would have liked to see more about that process and how that desire came to the surface, perhaps after being stuffed down since she was eighteen.

Basically: I need more depth when talking about this kind of thing and this book did not provide it.

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 1/2 stars. This was a relatable memoir about motherhood and all the ways it changes a woman. Most of the book is aimed at younger mothers, as the author's oldest child was 7 years old when she wrote it. I still enjoyed remembering the challenges of that stage of life. I enjoyed the fact that she included her beliefs in God and the ways this impacted her mothering and navigating challenges. Baker's writing and musings are so beautiful that I would love it if she wrote a follow up book when her kids were teenagers/young adults!

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book rather quickly and enjoyed it. She had a lot of great one-liners that really characterized the beautiful tension that is motherhood. At first, I was wondering why she bristled so much at not wanting to have kids and maybe I wasn’t reading between the lines enough, but I wish should would have explained her stance on that a bit more plainly. However, I think losing one’s mother at 18 likely impacts you in unspeakable ways, so maybe her reasons couldn’t be written out more plainly.
I do also wish that she would have spent more time discussing what brought about the change in her thinking about having a baby. It almost came across as if she woke up one day and started to have some ideas. I would have liked to see more of the wrestling match in her head and heart about her feelings on the subject.

The parts of the book I enjoyed the most where those when she shared about the difficulties in parenting her middle one, which I can relate to on many levels. Praying over her sleeping son is something I’ve done many times and her discussing the journey she’s had was a dose of encouragement, resolve and rejuvenation I needed as I continue mine.

I also loved the letter to her mother. Having lost my father, I can relate to wanting to ask them questions as I go into a new season of life. I lost my father as my motherhood was just getting underway and there is so much about parenting and marriage and life in general I would love his wisdom on. And I’m sure that desire to know his thoughts will only continue as my life continues and his remains complete.
So—on the whole, this was a lovely book that I enjoyed over the course of two days by our lake. Motherhood does surprise me daily.

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 I enjoyed this memoir and parts of it really resonated with me. Having lost my own mom young and previously never wanting kids, there was a lot that spoke to me and even made me cry. I appreciated the chapters where she was real about some of the challenging aspects and tiredness she often felt as a mom. I enjoyed how she prayed over her children and attempted to learn who they were as people. I do feel like something was missing from this book, or maybe thought she could have brought a bit more to the table regarding motherhood. But all in all, a good memoir and encouraged to moms.

[Carolyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love this, and the author sounds like she could be a great and interesting friend, but it turns out she's not a great writer. I stopped reading for the following reasons:
1) She seems to put motherhood on a pedestal as the best and hardest thing in the world. I love being a mom, but I also think biologically it's not all that hard to become one, and while it has plenty of labor and uncertainty and wisdom required to be a good one, it's not necessarily the hardest job in the world.
2) She also tells me the reader that I am a great mother, which just sounds insincere since she can't possibly know.
3) She takes herself so seriously. I think she and Shauna Niequest could be writing-style buddies. This is probably accentuated by the audio reader - I might have enjoyed it a lot more in print.
4) But most importantly, the first several chapters were boring. I don't really have any desire to read more. Which is too bad, because I'm looking for a good memoir on parenthood. Suggestions?

[Alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would read anything by Lisa-Jo Baker. And this book made me fall even more in love with her. However, I am only giving this book 4 stars. It was a good read, one to devour quickly, but I also felt like it didn't take me anywhere. We wandered, we meandered, we travelled, we got to know who Baker really is. And then, the end. I really liked this podcast Baker did recently with Kat Lee from Inspired to Action. I felt like it help me wrap up Baker's journey by sharing what she is up too these days, that all she learned is taking her to some awesome new things. I hope to see more books from Camp Baker, and soon!

I am recommending this book to all mothers who just want to feel normal for struggling with motherhood, and isn't that all of us?? Also, if you already like Lisa-Jo, this will make you admire her even more.

[Karrilee Aggett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisa-Jo Baker has been many things in her life... she has a made a difference in big and small ways - but it was Motherhood that surprised her the most and as she dives in deeper to being a Mom (Super Hero Cape blowing in the breeze behind her) - she pours out encouragement through these pages! You learn her story - but really, it's all of our stories. This is less of a How To parenting book and more of a Me, Too parenting book! I am nearing my Empty Nest stage and still - this book blessed and will be on the top of my gift giving for every baby shower from here on out! Because, of course! (Who doesn't need a little Lisa-Jo in their life?)

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A pure breath of fresh air full of ugly, searing, beautiful, broken, whole, limping pieces of life that come together to form motherhood. As a woman who has never felt like the typical mother and has never felt that I fit the mold, this book helped me see that God creates us all unique and He can take all the shattered and sharp edges of our lives and craft them into a moldable, beautiful shape of a woman He adores whether we have children or not, whether we are a gentle, nurturing mother or a sharp-tongued, fiery tempered woman who happened to have bore two sons and along the way is slowly learning how to raise them while they raise her at the same time. Read this book. It's breathtaking.

[Caitlin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like Baker's memoir more than I did. There were moments of heartfelt emotion and true tenderness and heaps of faith. But in the end, this book wasn't really about motherhood but about the author's journey to finding her self and purpose, with God's love and help along the way. It was a fine story (albeit very meandering and scattered in terms of its timeline), just not at all what I expected from the title and blurb.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like how she encourages moms that we serve a big and creative God who has room for our dreams alongside our calling as mothers if that's something that's important to us. We have freedom to choose & serve & learn & grow & raise kids who love God & each person's story will look different. Thankful she shared hers & I got to read it with a group of women seeking God's heart too.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't even have the words to tell you how wonderful, moving, inspiring this book is right now. But every mother must read it. It is Lisa-Jo's story, but also all of ours.

[Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes that is an emotional five stars. It is something I desperately needed. So I'll let that sit. A full review to come when I'm not swyping on my phone holding a fifteen pounder.

[Amy Kannel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really lovely. At least 4.5 stars--maybe even 5. I will be copying out lots and lots of stirring, poignant quotes from this memoir.

[Michelle Slomp · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most honest book about motherhood I have ever read. Lisa Jo does not hold back about the messiness of motherhood, its ups and downs.