Teaching Children Joy

by Linda Eyre, Richard Eyre

Easy-to-follow, hands-on exercises, examples, and teaching suggestions by the authors of Teaching Your Children Values help parents introduce children to the various forms of joyful living.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Family, Education, Childrens, Lds

194 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1980

About the author

As writers, lecturers, and grassroots and media catalysts, Linda and Richard Eyre's mission statement is: FORTIFY FAMILIES by Popularizing Parenting, Validating Values, and Bolstering Balance. Their latest efforts in these directions are their new books, The Happy Family (St. Martins Press,), Empty Nest Parenting (Bookcraft,) and The Book of Nurturing (McGraw Hill,), and their regular appearances on The CBS Early Show.

Linda is a teacher and musician who was named by The National Council of Women as one of America's Six Outstanding Young Women. Largely because of her, the Eyre family was named the Western U. S. "Musical Family of the Year."

Richard and Linda have nine children (one of every kind) and live in Washington, D.C. and Salt Lake City.

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book after hearing Richard and Linda Eyre speak at a writers' convention last October. Their presentation was delightful, and they seemed like down-to-earth, laid-back parents who had mostly gotten it right while making their share of mistakes. The Eyres advocate an age-based approach to teaching children: different phases of life require different areas of focus for parents' teaching. The preschool years are critical in helping children learn to be happy throughout their lives. Yet, so often, parents sacrifice joy for a headstart on academic achievement. The Eyres advocate letting our young children be kids and helping them learn joy in different areas of life. They include many practical suggestions, indicating which are suitable for groups of young children as opposed to individuals. Teaching Your Children Joy gently reminds parents what is truly important to young children: security, trust, love, fascination in learning, and joy!

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because I participated in a neighborhood Joy School for Michael. We did four days on each "Joy" and there were six moms to be teachers. So, I taught a lot of the joys, but not all.

This book can be used as a guideline for Joy School, but it was written to be a guide for parents to help them teach and preserve the best joys in life. It is promoting helping your children's social and emotional selves and not just the intellectual one.

These are the joys:

Section 1: Physical Joys
Preserving the Joy of Spontaneous Delight
Teaching the Joy of the Body
Teaching the Joy of the Earth

Section 2: Mental Joys
Preserving the Joy of Interest and Curiosity
Teaching the Joy of Imagination and Creativity
Teaching the Joy of Obedience and Decisions
Teaching the Joy of Order, Priorities, and Goal Striving

Section 3: Emotional Joys
Preserving the Joy of Trust and the Confidence to Try
Teaching the Joy of Family Security, Identity, and Pride
Teaching the Joy of Individual Confidence and Uniqueness

Section 4: Social Joys
Preserving the Joy of Realness, Honesty, and Candor
Teaching the Joy of Communication and Relationships
Teaching the Joy of Sharing and Service

Now, when I look at this list I think that these names are really daunting things to teach little children. The names are complicated, but the concepts are not. It has a lot of good anecdotes and suggestions that apply to families. For teaching a joy school, you have to take the idea and run with your own ideas, but the chapter will help you get a feel for the subject and occassionally there are ideas that will work at a preschool.

I liked the concepts or "joys" that they want to emphasize to the children because they are basic things that will help them be a well adjusted individual who enjoys life, feels loved, and shows love in return.

[Ellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It's different. Not only does the author give ideas for family activities to strengthen a certain joy, but he also adds a story for the kids to listen to or read for each section, and gives two personal experiences. This book lists 13 joys that children need. Some things shared are common sense, but it's great to be reminded of these things. There are also some very different ideas, that I would like to try myself. I left the book with good spirits, knowing that what I've been doing is good and how to improve in certain areas. I would have given this book 5 stars, but I was disappointed at the end, that it was trying to advertise for a "joy school." I thought these joy schools were a good idea and free, but I was wrong. I would have liked the book better if they would have left the joy school out, or if they would have recommended people making their own joy school without any dues. Other than that, the book was great!

[Keegan Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again with my Eyre-groupie obsession: I really like this book and I like this concept. I feel like academics comes naturally to a family who cares about education. It doesn't take that much effort to flow my son into pre-literacy or to introduce him to numbers. I feel like he'll easily be ready for kindergarten in these areas. The concepts of these books take a little more planning or, in some cases, demand more spontaneity. I'm doing Joy School with my son and some of our friends, so it's helpful to think about some of these ideas we can use for FHE to reinforce the lessons he's learning at school. I've borrowed a lot of ideas from this book: the family activity board, the mommy proud wall, and the family laws. (Though we don't call them all by those names.) We've had varying degrees of success with them, but I'm okay with that. It's still good to have ideas to try.

[Marci · Rating 3 out of 5]

I ordered Teaching Your Children Joy when we first started Joy School in the fall but just now got around to reading it (the authors, Linda and Richard Eyre also developed the school curriculum and have written other books). It is not a book with a storyline you read, but more a guide with activities and ideas of ways to teach your children the joys found in different areas of life. The curriculum for our Joy School program follows the same outline and includes many of the same activities as the book. Some of their real life examples are a little cheesy, but the activities are easy and fun to do.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me forEVer to finish this book, but that should not reflect on the book itself! :) I have a hard time reading parenting books, because the time I take to read is usually when I am all tired out from parenting (emotionally...and sometimes physically), so reading about what I am not doing does not put me in a good mood.
Anyway.
This is a fabulous book. REALLY great parenting ideas and sound principles behind them (some ideas were a little too cheesy sounding, though). I felt inspired about how to be a better parent and help my children specifically. I appreciated this book immensely and used up almost 2 entire highlighters reading it. I should read it again, already.

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have applied a lot of the suggestions in this book, and it makes me love my children more! I really appreciate the idea of teaching your child joy, and this reminds me not to be so stressed out about all of the other parental books out there, but to focus on the joy of being a mother and the joy of those little ones.

[Russ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of the Eyre's book series "Teaching Children...", this one is the best. It helped open my eyes to parenting beyond behavior and discipline into a world of wonder and joy. The corollary course, "Joy School" was a bust for our children, but this book is good.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a sweet and helpful book. I don't have any of my own children to be teaching right now, but I think the principles apply to and are helpful for anyone and everyone and I hope one day to apply them more directly. :) It talks about the importance of teaching children joy - after all that's the purpose of life, right (see 2 Nephi 2:25)?! :)

Here are the joys that are highlighted in the book (some that children teach us and others that we teach them):

Physical Joys
Preserving the Joy of Spontaneous Delight
Teaching the Joy of the Body
Teaching the Joy of the Earth

Mental Joys
Preserving the Joy of Interest and Curiosity
Teaching the Joy of Imagination and Creativity
Teaching the Joy of Obedience and Decisions
Teaching the Joy of Order, Priorities, and Goal Striving

Emotional Joys
Preserving the Joy of Trust and the Confidence to Try
Teaching the Joy of Family Security, Identity, and Pride
Teaching the Joy of Individual Confidence and Uniqueness

Social Joys
Preserving the Joy of Realness, Honesty, and Candor
Teaching the Joy of Communication and Relationships
Teaching the Joy of Sharing and Service

Reading this book helped me remember how important it is to be joyful and to be more childlike. It also helped me think about the best ways to teach and encourage children. Very uplifting! I'm also glad that I got to participate in Joy School as a child. I still have a picture in my mind of driving through the beautiful fall leaves of Connecticut on my way to Joy School. I think it's blessed my life and I should get back to some of the things I was taught then. :)

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:

"Too much stress is placed on young children's abilities, on their being able to put together numbers and letters quickly, on their manipulation skills....While these skills do have their place, we strongly believe that real happiness, contentment, and the ability to cope with the world are more closely related to a child's JQ (or Joy Quotient). Ponder, for a moment, the quality of a child's life once he becomes confident in his own ability to make decisions, to enjoy and be aware of nature, to set a goal and accomplish it, to share with friends, and to see himself as a unique individual with a great deal to offer to others (p. 10)."

"It occurred to us that love must be intelligent rather than indulgent, that love applied unintelligently can be harmful. We realized once again that we needed at least some basic philosophy for parenting, a set of parental goals and some notions of how to achieve them, a framework within which to apply our love (p. 13)."

"Being a conscientious, involved parent of preschoolers can be an exhausting proposition. But it does not have to be so. Consider for a moment the statement of a well-known physician, Dr. Scott J. Wilson of Florida: 'Those who are working toward constructive, clearly defined goals hardly ever feel fatigue (p. 18).'"

"Here is a conversation I had with a three-year old.
'Why do you have a body?'
'To skip with.'
'To skip with?'
'Yes.'
'I see. What's the best part of your body?'
'The eyes.'
'Why?'
''Cause I see the flowers.'
'Oh?'
'But the nose too, 'cause I smell them.'
'Do you hear them?'
'No, but if you close your eyes you do hear teensy little things (p. 35).'"

"There is something special about a family that does physical things together. There is something special about any relationship that is partially born out of shared physical activity....Families that play together stay together (p. 45)."

"How precious a question is! An alert mind that asks is the first step to answers, discoveries, solutions. Never ignore or criticize a question; this is like stepping on a flower bud just set to bloom (p. 68)."

"Mothers of the high IQ and good-grade children were consultants [not overprotective managers]. They love their children, but they let them develop in their own way. They gave freedom, an interesting environment, and time, but not all their time. They had a wide variety of other interests besides their children....they recognized teaching moments and taught what their children were interested in when they were interested in it. They gave the initiative to their children (p. 70)."

"I remember one occasion while we were dating that Linda gave me a glimpse of the joy of imagination and creativity. I called her one crisp, autumn Saturday morning to see if we could spend the day together. She said, 'Sure, but let me plan what we do this time.' I agreed. She said, 'Come on over, and wear old clothes.' When I got there, she came out with an assortment of sketch pads, paints, and brushes. 'But I can't paint,' I said. 'Neither can I,' she said. 'I borrowed these.' Under her direction, I drove toward the mountains....We set up our easels....She said, 'Now, make believe that you are a great artist.' Her eyes sparkled with interest as she prepared to imagine the same thing (p. 82)."

"Oh, how children love it when they find that their parents have imaginations (p. 84)!"

"'Daddy, he said he wishes everyone was honest like me!' There is true joy in simple, voluntary obedience to moral law (p. 98)."

"One of the most memorable evenings we have ever spent together as a family was the night we agreed to the 'family laws (p. 105).'"

"A child who can set and accomplish a simple goal will become an adult who knows the joy of changing the world (p. 110)."

"'With all you have to do, how do you look so relaxed?'....'Each week, on a certain day at a certain time, I spend some time alone, setting goals for the week. I follow the priorities of family first, others second, myself third. I set objectives in each area, and if time is too short to do all I want to do, I put my goals into priority order so that I know the most important ones will get done. Then I plan how, and write my plans into my weekly calendar book (p. 110).'"

"The joy of goal striving and achievement is like a diamond with many facets, each one a separate and distinct joy. There is the joy of knowing our long-range purpose, the joy of responsibility, the joy of discipline, the joy of hard work, the joy of planning, the joy of shorter-range goals, the joy of causes and commitment, the joy of organization and order, even the joy of failing occasionally and of sometimes making mistakes (p. 113)."

"All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way (p. 125, Leo Tolstoy)."

"The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart (p. 126, Mencius)."

"There are two kinds of basic fears in the world: fear of getting hurt and fear of failure. Both kinds of fear apply to all facets of life....Both fears are self-fulfilling. Physical fear often causes physical hurt, and fear of failing almost always causes failure (p. 130)."

"The quality we call trust is basically an absence of the fear of being hurt--physically or emotionally or socially. The child who 'jumps to daddy' trusts he won't be dropped. The child who is nice to his friend trusts his friend to be nice to him. The child who returns your love trusts your love for him. Children trust us until we violate their trust (p. 132)."

"Our home joys are the most delightful earth affords, and the joy of parents in their children is the most holy joy of humanity. It makes their hearts pure and good (p. 137, Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi)."

"The confidence, the assurance, the security, the unity came from the unconditional love in their home. From the outside their home was ordinary; on the inside it was extraordinary (p. 138)."

"Children who think of their family as an institution have a powerful sense of belonging, of identity, of security. We decided years ago that we would like that identity and association to be so strong in our family that if one of our children were asked the many-option question 'Who are you?' one of his first answers would be, 'A member of my family (p. 145).'"

"His joy was confidence. His confidence was a combination of faith and self-discovered gifts. I realize that everyone can have both, that no one is precluded from faith, and no one is without particular, unique gifts (p. 152)."

"'What's the matter?' Timmy said, 'I can't play ball.' Just put his arm around Timmy and said, 'It's okay. Remember what teacher said: everyone is good at different things. You are good at doing puzzles!' Timmy dumped the puzzle pieces on the grass and started putting them together. He looked up and his face had a happy smile. He said, 'You are good at being a friend (p. 161)!'"

"Friend: 'Saren, do you like me?'
Saren: 'Of course, silly. I like everything about you.'
Friend: 'Everything?'
Saren: 'Except I didn't like it when you played with Patty at recess--but Mommy says I was just jealous.'
Friend: 'What's jealous?'
Saren: 'Not wanting someone to have more fun than you.'
Friend: 'I like you too, Saren.'
To be honest, to be open, to talk freely about the real feelings--what a joy (p. 173)!"

"Psychiatrists tell us that it's usually as hard to get a person to know how he really feels as it is to help him know why he feels that way. The reason it is so hard to know how we feel is that we stop so early in life telling anyone, even ourselves, how we really feel. We need to recognize emotions, accept them, and, if possible, enjoy them (p. 176)."

"I once knew a middle-aged man, an accountant, who had a ledger-book-sized Christmas-card list. In this thick book all the pages were filled; there were hundreds and hundreds of names. 'Business contacts?' I asked. He glanced over, paused for a moment as though considering whether he should tell me something important, then said, 'No, they're relationships.' He anticipated my next question and went on in his accounting terminology: 'Every relationship we form, no matter how small, if it is genuine, can be an asset of eternal duration. No other entry can cancel it out. Some of us spend all our time on temporary assets: money, positions, achievements. We ought to spend more on the eternal assets like relationships. Whenever I earn one, I make an entry on my Christmas card list (p. 186).'"

"Something about having a friend in her home, to see her house and family, seemed to wipe the shyness away. Ever since then, we have had one special supper every couple of weeks when one family member--on a rotating basis, parents included--has a friend over for the evening meal. It shows children how important relationships are, and it exposes them to strangers, to interesting people, some of whom are very different from them. It puts the premium where it should be: on the joy of communication and relationships (p. 192)."

"The only ones around you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve (p. 194, Albert Schweitzer)."

"'When I have a moment for myself, I try to use it to find some way to help someone. That's where I find real happiness. It's so much more fun than doing something for yourself (p. 195).'"

"We took a group of children to an old folks' home to put on a program, to pass our little gifts they had made, and to share their love. We explained, 'These are old people without grandchildren to love them.' I wish I had a picture of one three-year-old on an eighty-year-old's kneed, arms around the neck, tears in all four eyes. And the joy of reflection afterward, as one four-year-old said to another, 'We made the grandpas and grandmas happy, didn't we?' 'Yes, and they made me happy.' 'Let's do it again (p. 196).'"

[Colleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the most part, this book had a lot of good ideas and practical ways to put those ideas into action. The family focal point was hit or miss. Some were a bit over the top. The end of chapter stories were boring or moralizing. The book lists were out of date so don't count on those as useful. I liked the joys they focused on and the methods for preserving or teaching those joys. Even though there are some definite cheesy and over the top parts, overall I liked it and found it useful for our family.

[Joey · Rating 4 out of 5]

BAck in the day while raising 6 kids, I read a lot of child-rearing books. This one, by far, was THE ONE.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

With all the push to get our preschoolers academically ready for college, this book is a great reminder to refocus on what really matters. These "joys" are SO important for making good, contributing, happy members of society and they just don't teach them in school. And these joys are very hard to cultivate again once they are lost; IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO PREVENT! (I'm still having to work hard to recultivate a joy in my 4-year-old that I unintentionally squashed dead....now she is hesitant and afraid to try new things).

This book gives specific lists on what you can do with your children to teach each "joy," which is very useful. I only got as far as the first joy: "the joy of spontaneity" and got bit overwhelmed. I took a look at the list though and saw "play Hide and Seek" and thought, hey, I can do that for 2 minutes in my day and check that off my list. So I hid once...my girls hid once (that's it! - it really only took 5 minutes) and they thought it was the best thing we had done ALL DAY (we had gone to storytime, played with friends, watched a TV program, read books - and playing with Mom and getting to scream was the one thing they remembered about their day and loved!)

You can easily get overwhelmed reading this book, but the Eyre's explain to just focus on 1 joy a month (they've organized it purposely that way).

[Alisha · Rating 1 out of 5]

meh. didn't really agree with some of their philosophies, definitely think they were a little "deep end" with this idea, but I did like that there were a lot of ideas I could incorporate into making FHE fun when you have little little kids, and also things that can help with family unity as your kids get older. Something that I do have in my periphery for my family is trying to have happy, strong, well-rounded and adjusted teenagers. The influence of myself and my husband will be diminished once they are in their "own" worlds of high school and i want to start some family traits NOW that will combat problems later that just happen because of society and growing up, etc. etc.

The thing about there being certain joys we are inherently born with and others that we learn makes sense to me, but the book was formulaic (because they were promoting and running pre-schools off this idea), which i didn't like because it made the whole thing come off as contrived, THOUGH i don't think in this case I should throw out the whole idea.

will happily let anyone borrow, it was a quick read. Kinda want someone who is at the same stage as me to read this book so I can talk to them about it. Husbands rock! built in book-reviewer!

[Kira · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, I did like it. I love the idea of teaching our children joy when the entire world seems to be pushing us to teach them to read before preschool even starts. The ideas were practical, simple, and inspired. I enjoyed hearing personal snippets from their own family life, and I admired their own joy on the subject matter. I found the information to be useful and relatable to my own family.

The things I didn't like: I don't like their constant use of the word punishment. especially when what they were really talking about were natural consequences. Punishment has such a negative connotation that incites fear. Talking about consequences for decisions doesn't trigger the fear response, and instead opens the mind to learning, to making connections between the choice and the result.

I also didn't like the end of chapter stories; I found most of them to be boring or silly. I'll definitely use other stories to illustrate the principles.

All in all, I'm grateful to the Eyre's for writing this book, and for inspiring Joy Schools. I'm excited for my three year old to begin our neighborhood Joy School in a couple of weeks!

[Teanne]

I am only on the 3rd chapter of this book, but so far I am loving it. I will probably be taking my time reading this b/c I am trying to implement it's teachings/ ideas.
So far, I have already noticed a difference in the atmosphere of our home. One of it's suggestions (in the beginning of the book) was to have a scripture devotional during breakfast time. We read one scripture then talk about what it means, followed by family prayer. We also talked about things we are thankful for and it has made such a big difference in our day! Starting the day out in the right day helps the children be happier all day, and I have been a happier and better parent as well. I will be implementing the ideas from the second chapter this week and can't wait to give a full review.
BTW this is written by LDS authors and has refrences to scrpitures and quotes from prophets and apostles. It is great!

[Kendra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love love LOVE this book and I highly recommend it. I haven't finished the book yet (cover to cover) - because it has a LOT of information in it and I find that I can't really digest it all at one sitting. This is a book that I definitely want to own and keep on my bookshelf for ready and frequent reference. I believe in the focus of this book - that we can and should teach our children JOY. It has practicle methods that have changed the way that I am treating my little boy TODAY and will likely change the way that I parent tomorrow. I love it! It is inspiring and uplifting and makes me want to be a more joyful mother. I highly recommend this book.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because we're doing the Joy School this year and I thought it would be helpful both as a parent and a teacher. I enjoyed it. I think the Eyres have a lot of great ideas and I love the idea of teaching my children (and myself) to live more joyfully and gratefully.

The setup of the book is interesting. It took some getting used to and I thought it odd. It's flow is consistent and in a outline form. Not important, but it threw me at first.

It was a very quick read and I wrote down a lot of ideas to use with my family.

[Brenda Cregor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was once privileged to be in the audience of a meeting where Linda Eyre and her husband spoke on the theme of this book, and how my children TOO could be taught JOY!
It inspired me!
In years to come, I hosted JOY SCHOOL in my home on several occasions.
Joy is not a concept many children of this generation understand.
Yes, it must be taught...if the lessons are on IDENTIFYING the free things in life whereby we can obtain it...well, as one of my fellow Joy School mothers said, "I've done my job."

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very practical and has specific ideas for how you can teach your children certain "joys" (i.e. the joy of physical movement, the joy of serving others, the joy of being a friend). It's an interesting concept - that we must be intentional and specific and teach our kids (either to develop or retain what is natural to them) certain skills so that they may be (more) happy and functional adolescents and adults.

[Karla · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book; implementation of it in the Joy School co-op preschool program has had an invaluable impact on my childrens' lives. I'll be forever grateful for having been introduced to the program and feel like I've been a much better parent to my preschoolers than I would have been on my own. We have had experiences together because of it that have shaped the culture of our family.

[Delona · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that has been on my shelf for years. I have tried to read it several times but the timing wasn't right. Maybe it needs to be a Spring book as we naturally feel more joy and gratitude on a warm day after a long and cold winter. And most of the joys can be more fully experienced in the out of doors.

[Annmarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

For one who wants their preschoolers to learn happiness and joy - this book is a good foundation of how a parent can teach them! Don't stress how to read or write their name - kids will eventually learn that. Teach them how to be happy - because that is a priceless skill that many adults struggle with - give children that skill during a time they are open to embrace it!

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book. I'm keeping this out as a parenting reference guide. It had so many great suggestions, ideas, and activities backed by experiences, observations, and stories. The only down side is that because I read the 1981 edition, I couldn't find most of the suggested children's books. But this book is invaluable.....especially in today's world.

[Sadie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good insight into how to help your children find joy in everything from work to their unique body and gifts. I loved the example activities, the stories for children at the end of each chapter, and the suggested book list. The only negative--a lot of the books on the suggested reading list (at least,in the copy I reserved from the library) were no longer available.

[Bonnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few friends and I just started Joy School, and I am SO excited about it. This was a fun book to read and to get insights into ways to interact with children that can be enjoyable for them and for parents. I love ideas to strengthen families, and this book is FULL of them. And the concepts don't just apply with small children. I'd recommend this book to any parents.

[Candelaria Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the title alone important enough to buy the book. Very pragmatic. The authors feel that it is important to consciously plan to teach your children to have the capacity for joy and joyous living. I agree. We are so often parenting around issues and challenges versus even thinking about passing on the sheer joy of living.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. The Eyres have so much energy; it's sometimes overwhelming! But they have lots of great advice and ideas for teaching these "joyful" topics. I'd recommend it to others who have preschool age kids too.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I use many of the examples in this book to teach my children about the natural joys in life like nature, their bodies, etc. One thing I like about some of the examples are they can be incorporated into daily activities that I already do.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I read the 1980 edition of the book, Teaching Children Joy; by the same authors. The book I read is no longer in print. This book I imagine is similar enough and I loved it! If you have a preschool age child you should own this book!

[Jacque · Rating 3 out of 5]

I only skimmed this book. Some of the things in there seemed pretty common sense to me, but I liked the basic premise that one of the best things we can teach our kids is to find the joy in everything.