My Father's House: A Memoir of Incest and of Healing

by Sylvia Fraser

A noted Canadian novelist details her tortured childhood as the victim of her father's incestuous desires, the devastating impact of incest on her life, and her life-long struggle to overcome its effects to live a whole life

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Psychology, Biography, Womens, Abuse, Biography Memoir

254 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1987

About the author

Sylvia Fraser (born 8 March 1935 in Hamilton, Ontario) was a Canadian novelist, journalist and travel writer. Fraser was educated at the University of Western Ontario. In her fifty year career as a journalist, she has written hundreds of articles, beginning as a Feature Writer for The Toronto Star Weekly (1957-68), and continuing with articles for many other magazines and newspapers including the Globe & Mail, Saturday Night, Chatelaine, the Walrus and Toronto Life. She taught creative writing for many years at Banff Centre and at various university workshops. She has participated in extensive media tours, given lectures and readings throughout Canada, the United States, Britain and Sweden. She served on the Arts Advisory Panel to Canada Council and was a member of Canada Council's 1985 Cultural Delegation to China. She was a founding member of The Writers’ Union of Canada and for many years was on the executive of The Writers' Trust, a charitable organization for the support of Canadian authors and literature. Fraser lived in Toronto, Ontario.

Reviews

[Roos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fraser wrote a compelling memoir about living with dissociative amnesia as a means of coping with a life of early childhood sexual abuse, about how incest defines every day of one's life, even when the actual threat is long since gone. Healing starts when the multiple personalities of one's self become aware of each other, learn at last to know each other, love them for who they are and take care of each other. Fraser achieved this once her father was death and her mother closed her daughter in her arms and spoke the words: 'dear daughter, I believe you.' I burst into tears after reading the last sentence, meself sentenced to life, to a life of dissociative amnesia.

[Holly Diem · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book about a woman who, as a child, was sexually violated by her father as early as her infant years. I'm not always a fan of when the author switches from reality to dreams in their literature. She would be talking about something then suddenly switch to her "other self" which she used italics to try and represent this unawareness. However, I learned towards the end of the book how important this was to her story. As the story unfolds the "other self" becomes known to the adult character and soon the italics are less mystical and more reality based. It really is an amazing story of how one lives with the secret of incest and how forgiveness can be so liberating. She is very poetic in her words, which I can appreciate. It's different than the anger so many choose to carry their whole life, rightly so, after such abuse. I think it's important to hear stories like Sylvia's because it can inspire one to move past their own abuse into a better outlook in their own life.

[Mat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would never recommend this book to anyone. It is simply too dark, however it's is a book I will always remember and for a book on this topic it is really well written. It's tough to get through because of the content but it's the kind of story where you get trapped in the darkness of it all and hope she comes out for the better.

[Edwin]

ik heb geprobeerd dit boek te lezen, want vind het belangrijk dat mensen weten wat er kan gebeuren achter sommige deuren, maar ik kwam er niet door, en heb het maar weggelegd.

Dat lag aan mij, denk ik

#DNF

[Susy · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I find this a difficult book to review. The theme/subject is a very intense and emotional one. You don’t wish this on any child in the whole universe! And still, we know it happens, a lot, which is heartbreaking...
Yet there is something holding me back to give it 4 stars. Why? Is it the way the story is told? The writing style? I thought it ended strong, I know that much, felt differently about the beginning and middle, but why?
I have to be completely honest, I don’t know. So I’ll just go with my feeling and give it 3.5 stars. If “it comes to me” at some point, I’ll edit my review to include the reason(s) my feeling won’t let me give it 4 stars (or who knows, I will be giving it 4 stars after all after having it all sink in).

[Bev · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very interesting book! Sylvia Fraser was brave enough to publish a recounting of a suppressed experience when that was just not done. She was also able to break the barrier into the memory of one of her multiple personalities without professional help. A fascinating accounting of an incestuous relationship that affected the lives of so many, written in an unique style

[Danette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had a hard time with the style of writing used in this book. Tough subject to write about, though, and she did a decent job...just not a book I would spend time to read again.

[Emma Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a tough read, because of the author's honesty in regards to the incest. But it is deeply moving to see her transition into health and healing.

[Meg Tuite · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unforgettable!

[Brooke Fornetti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very interesting read. It had been recommended to me during one of my undergraduate classes and I didn't get a chance to read it until years later. Fraser does a great job portraying what occurred throughout her childhood and how the memories came flooding back to her later in life, along with how these repressed memories of events impacted her own parenting styles.

I'm unsure if I could recommend this book to anyone because of the nature of the subject, but it was still a great read in my opinion.

[Cait Atkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uni read -

Well, heck. This is hard hitting but so very well constructed. I struggle to give ratings to books like this, so my 4 stars is indicative of my thoughts relating to the the technical aspects of Fraser’s writing, rather than the emotive power of the subject matter.

I won’t write anything much here as I’ve an essay to write on this book. I’ll update with anything I think may be particularly poignant following that.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

cw: incest, sexual assault

Very well written!

A personal account of a very difficult subject. A generational narrative on trauma and healing. Was moved to tears by how the author reconciled with her other self - the self created to protect her from her fathers abuse. Very difficult, and triggering subject matter so prepare yourself for feelings of disgust and anger before reading this book. The story did inspire the possibility of healing, and for that reason I actually enjoyed this book.

[Remy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A difficult read due to its contents which were... Sometimes a bit too relatable.
Fraser is a great writer. I do not envy her growing up in the 50s.
I was amazed and honestly a bit off by how she was able to forgive her father in the end. I don't agree w her statement that forgiveness is necessary but good for her for getting there, tho I do not believe her father deserves it. Maybe that reflects myself and where I am personally more so however.

[Tassha Cocks · Rating 5 out of 5]

The truly horrific experience to have had to navigate by your young other self and your older self, and yet to come out of that with such understanding and forgiveness for yourself is astounding. As everyone has stated this is a difficult read, however so deeply worth it in providing insight into such a truly complex experience with such complex emotions and thoughts from both sides of the mirror.

[Tyler · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was assigned to me for a graduate school class. It is well written but the subject matter is really ugly and dark. I was so repulsed by the author's father and the pain that he caused her that it honestly made me queasy. I often found myself thinking really negative and dark thoughts as I read this book and I was glad to be done with it.

[Vic S-F · Rating 4 out of 5]

Devastatingly crystal-clear and unflinching about the particulars of trauma--not just unresolved, but unremembered--unraveling a life. A great book to not recommend unless you really, really know someone's deal (thx Miles)

[Therese Bergwall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Läst på svenska: Min fars hus

[Katie]

Read for a class. Unsurprisingly quite depressing and hard to read.

[Hannah Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very strange read

[Emmie Must · Rating 3 out of 5]

Poor woman and poor Dan. Life is not fair, it sucks

[Raynor Heath · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book sufficiently broke my heart

[Lincoln Stoller · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a therapist, this book taught me a lot about the symptoms of dissociative amnesia and helped me begin to recognize the symptoms in other people whom, I suspect, also endured childhood trauma.

[Katy Lovejoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This made me sick, especially since it's a true story

[Teresa Littrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A painful read.

[Linda Griffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written and insightful.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fantastic read.

From back cover:

"Somewhere around the age of seven, Sylvia Fraser created a "twin" who shared her body while living a life apart from hers, with separate memories and experiences. For forty years, the existence of that twin and of the secret life she led while growing up in her father's house was unknown to the author. How Sylvia Fraser broke through the amnesia to discover and embrace the tortured self she left behind is the story of this astonishing memoir."

[Love · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sad Sad Sad is all I can say it was a tough read for me. I did not like the style of writing but it was one of those ones you just had to finish. I still can not understand what makes parents do these awfull things to their own kids.

[Sospeter Irungu]

A very sad book. A child molested as a baby and developed a multi-personality syndrome until she was able to reconcile her dark personality with the good one. Makes you enter through a dark hole and cry with the little girl trapped in the woman

[Peggy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well written but difficult subject (makes me a bit ill!!)

[Dani · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was really interesting, but as far as the dissociative memories being reintegrated, it left something to be desired.