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The Secret Practice: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga: A Memoir
His yoga focused on control and manipulation. Until she broke the sequence.
For fans of Netflix’s Bikram, Tara Westover’s Educated and Megan Phelps-Roper’s Unfollow
“The word yoga comes from the same root as the word yoke—to tie together.”
Joelle Tamraz was barely past twenty when she traveled to India in search of spiritual wisdom. In Rishikesh, the home of yoga, she met an alluring older man who offered to teach her a secret practice. This encounter would realign her next twenty years.
Despite signs there was more to her Arun than his winning smile, she persisted in seeing him as her spiritual master, soul mate, and key to her destiny. Until one day she dared to open her eyes and change her pose to one of strength and harmony.
From darkness to light, from dependency to self-awareness, from psychological need to genuine love, The Secret Practice is at once an exposé of a master manipulator, the exploration of a marriage, and the exhaustion of a disciple’s faith.
For fans of Netflix’s Bikram, Tara Westover’s Educated and Megan Phelps-Roper’s Unfollow
“The word yoga comes from the same root as the word yoke—to tie together.”
Joelle Tamraz was barely past twenty when she traveled to India in search of spiritual wisdom. In Rishikesh, the home of yoga, she met an alluring older man who offered to teach her a secret practice. This encounter would realign her next twenty years.
Despite signs there was more to her Arun than his winning smile, she persisted in seeing him as her spiritual master, soul mate, and key to her destiny. Until one day she dared to open her eyes and change her pose to one of strength and harmony.
From darkness to light, from dependency to self-awareness, from psychological need to genuine love, The Secret Practice is at once an exposé of a master manipulator, the exploration of a marriage, and the exhaustion of a disciple’s faith.
- GenresMemoirNonfictionCults
332 pages, Paperback
Published August 1, 2023
70 people are currently reading
240 people want to read
About the author
Joelle Tamraz
1 book21 followersJoelle Tamraz is the author of The Secret Practice: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga, an intimate portrait of psychological and spiritual abuse in a long, controlling relationship.
She earned an Honors BA degree in social studies from Harvard and an MBA from INSEAD. Before writing and speaking full-time, she held senior roles in technology companies for over two decades and owned a yoga studio for ten of those years. She is also a certified life coach and a youth mentor.
Originally from the Middle East, Joelle has lived in the US, France, and India, and now resides in the UK with her husband and two dogs. She's passionate about sustainability and enjoys spending time outdoors, walking, cycling, or simply being in nature.
Joelle believes in the power of sharing stories and interviews authors on her YouTube channel, Elevating Voices in Memoir and Fiction, @elevatingvoices. For more information and resources, you can visit her website and sign up for her newsletter.
You can also connect with her on Instagram or X, @joelletamraz, or Facebook, @joelletamraz1.
She earned an Honors BA degree in social studies from Harvard and an MBA from INSEAD. Before writing and speaking full-time, she held senior roles in technology companies for over two decades and owned a yoga studio for ten of those years. She is also a certified life coach and a youth mentor.
Originally from the Middle East, Joelle has lived in the US, France, and India, and now resides in the UK with her husband and two dogs. She's passionate about sustainability and enjoys spending time outdoors, walking, cycling, or simply being in nature.
Joelle believes in the power of sharing stories and interviews authors on her YouTube channel, Elevating Voices in Memoir and Fiction, @elevatingvoices. For more information and resources, you can visit her website and sign up for her newsletter.
You can also connect with her on Instagram or X, @joelletamraz, or Facebook, @joelletamraz1.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
March 26, 2024
Candid and mesmerising. Highly recommended read about trust, travel and the pursuit of happiness.
July 14, 2023
*An ARC was provided by the author*
“The word yoga comes from the same root as the word yoke—to tie together. It first occurs in the Rig Veda, the most ancient Hindu scripture (c. 1500-1200 BCE) where it usually refers to the yoking of two animals. This link can be a positive form of connection, but it can also be a dangerous bondage. The very fluidity around yoga’s meaning invites manipulation,” - Joelle Tamraz
I’m not normally a memoir reader but this book was suggested to me by a friend because I am a “yogi.” This book captured my attention very early on though because it reads similar to a fiction novel more than a memoir. The author does a phenomenal job of storytelling in a way that makes you feel as though you’re standing there next to her through it all.
We start off following Joelle, the author, on a trip to India searching for spiritual wisdom. We all can relate to her journey of wanting to know more, learn more, and be more through a path of self improvement or discovery. We search outside of ourselves for healers and gurus who we believe hold all the secret answers. The ultimate truth is coming to terms with the fact that we are and will always be enough - we just need to trust ourselves.
Joelle when she first arrives in India is so young (22 years) and swept up in the culture and “secret practices” behind closed doors. Joelle meets a self proclaimed guru, Arun, who claims to have all these answers as long as she trusts him (and pays him) heavily. This man is much older than her and estimated to be “wiser” when in reality he’s a con man in disguise.
If you’re interested in how young, beautiful, and intelligent women get taken advantage of by men like Bikram, Pattabhi Jois, and Yogi Bhajan then this book may be for you. This book isn’t just about loss and manipulation though it’s also about breaking the cycle of trauma and finding yourself within.
“The word yoga comes from the same root as the word yoke—to tie together. It first occurs in the Rig Veda, the most ancient Hindu scripture (c. 1500-1200 BCE) where it usually refers to the yoking of two animals. This link can be a positive form of connection, but it can also be a dangerous bondage. The very fluidity around yoga’s meaning invites manipulation,” - Joelle Tamraz
I’m not normally a memoir reader but this book was suggested to me by a friend because I am a “yogi.” This book captured my attention very early on though because it reads similar to a fiction novel more than a memoir. The author does a phenomenal job of storytelling in a way that makes you feel as though you’re standing there next to her through it all.
We start off following Joelle, the author, on a trip to India searching for spiritual wisdom. We all can relate to her journey of wanting to know more, learn more, and be more through a path of self improvement or discovery. We search outside of ourselves for healers and gurus who we believe hold all the secret answers. The ultimate truth is coming to terms with the fact that we are and will always be enough - we just need to trust ourselves.
Joelle when she first arrives in India is so young (22 years) and swept up in the culture and “secret practices” behind closed doors. Joelle meets a self proclaimed guru, Arun, who claims to have all these answers as long as she trusts him (and pays him) heavily. This man is much older than her and estimated to be “wiser” when in reality he’s a con man in disguise.
If you’re interested in how young, beautiful, and intelligent women get taken advantage of by men like Bikram, Pattabhi Jois, and Yogi Bhajan then this book may be for you. This book isn’t just about loss and manipulation though it’s also about breaking the cycle of trauma and finding yourself within.
August 12, 2023
The Secret Practice: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga: A Memoir by Joelle Tamraz
(ARC provided by author)
Joelle Tamraz tells a fascinating story of moving from New York City to India, of living in ashrams, of deep spiritual study, and of decades of steady meditation. It’s a story also of her searching, as a very young woman, for belonging and unconditional acceptance, and of her susceptibility to the power and control of a guru, Swami Arun, who offered to teach her a secret spiritual practice that appeared to meet all her needs. Arun grew in importance until he largely controlled her choices, her relationships, and the path her life took. It’s a difficult and heart-wrenching story to witness, but also offers lessons for any of us who have faltered in our ability to see our own choices as valid, or who have simply not known how to make them.
Tamraz is an amazingly strong person, who accomplished incredible feats while in this devastating relationship. In addition to completing an MBA and keeping the family financially afloat, in part for Arun’s sake she became an entrepreneur, digging deep into her stamina and her bank account to develop and run a yoga studio while simultaneously working full-time in a demanding business world.
But Arun’s goals and hers were never the same. Enthralled by his lies and her love, it took her years to see him clearly. As she writes toward the end, “He had been a mastermind, and I had been his fool.” As with some other contemporary yogic leaders, “yoga did not make him good.”
Recounting her journey, Tamraz allows her choices and actions to speak for themselves, giving her reader space to interpret the facts she lays out. Her prose is powerful and she paints vibrant scenes, without excuses or blame. She tells us what she knew and felt and believed at the time, revealing, as with the layers of a mystery story, piece upon piece of evidence that Arun’s benign and loving surface was a veneer laid over a complicated and abusive personality. She reveals the clues, but, charmed and persuaded by his visible persona, neither she nor her reader immediately catches, as each happens, their significance: that he is a destructive man.
Yoga’s physical practice “has no inherent spiritual merit," writes Tamraz. "The master chooses the rules.” While she was with Arun, her family feared she was in danger. She gave away almost everything of her finances and loyalty to a man who consciously manipulated her. Finally, on the edge of tumbling forever into the void of his control, she saved herself, bit by bit, with struggle, and with support from friends.
Her fully adult self has learned to see the world in a clear-eyed way that was not available to the innocent twenty-two-year-old. She knows what is required to live the life she wants and deserves, and she knows that strong choices, though difficult, are essential.
“Meditation doesn’t replace morality,” she writes, “and if I don’t exercise my moral obligation through action, someone else will do it for me.” It is a reminder to each of us that when we fail to act on our own behalf, we make it possible for others to remove and use our power to their own benefit.
For any of us searching for acceptance and belonging outside ourselves, Joelle Tamraz has shared an important story that reaches beyond the yoga world and encourages us to take responsibility for shaping ourselves as we want to be.
(ARC provided by author)
Joelle Tamraz tells a fascinating story of moving from New York City to India, of living in ashrams, of deep spiritual study, and of decades of steady meditation. It’s a story also of her searching, as a very young woman, for belonging and unconditional acceptance, and of her susceptibility to the power and control of a guru, Swami Arun, who offered to teach her a secret spiritual practice that appeared to meet all her needs. Arun grew in importance until he largely controlled her choices, her relationships, and the path her life took. It’s a difficult and heart-wrenching story to witness, but also offers lessons for any of us who have faltered in our ability to see our own choices as valid, or who have simply not known how to make them.
Tamraz is an amazingly strong person, who accomplished incredible feats while in this devastating relationship. In addition to completing an MBA and keeping the family financially afloat, in part for Arun’s sake she became an entrepreneur, digging deep into her stamina and her bank account to develop and run a yoga studio while simultaneously working full-time in a demanding business world.
But Arun’s goals and hers were never the same. Enthralled by his lies and her love, it took her years to see him clearly. As she writes toward the end, “He had been a mastermind, and I had been his fool.” As with some other contemporary yogic leaders, “yoga did not make him good.”
Recounting her journey, Tamraz allows her choices and actions to speak for themselves, giving her reader space to interpret the facts she lays out. Her prose is powerful and she paints vibrant scenes, without excuses or blame. She tells us what she knew and felt and believed at the time, revealing, as with the layers of a mystery story, piece upon piece of evidence that Arun’s benign and loving surface was a veneer laid over a complicated and abusive personality. She reveals the clues, but, charmed and persuaded by his visible persona, neither she nor her reader immediately catches, as each happens, their significance: that he is a destructive man.
Yoga’s physical practice “has no inherent spiritual merit," writes Tamraz. "The master chooses the rules.” While she was with Arun, her family feared she was in danger. She gave away almost everything of her finances and loyalty to a man who consciously manipulated her. Finally, on the edge of tumbling forever into the void of his control, she saved herself, bit by bit, with struggle, and with support from friends.
Her fully adult self has learned to see the world in a clear-eyed way that was not available to the innocent twenty-two-year-old. She knows what is required to live the life she wants and deserves, and she knows that strong choices, though difficult, are essential.
“Meditation doesn’t replace morality,” she writes, “and if I don’t exercise my moral obligation through action, someone else will do it for me.” It is a reminder to each of us that when we fail to act on our own behalf, we make it possible for others to remove and use our power to their own benefit.
For any of us searching for acceptance and belonging outside ourselves, Joelle Tamraz has shared an important story that reaches beyond the yoga world and encourages us to take responsibility for shaping ourselves as we want to be.
July 18, 2023
An ARC was provided by the author.
Tamraz wastes no time in her memoir, which is fast paced and immersive; at times, exhausting, as the author and her much older husband restlessly criss-cross the globe in pursuit of a place to call home and for Tamraz, to find the ever-elusive peace and security she craves.
The 'red flags' around the relationship with yogi Arun come thick and fast. A young woman encounters a much older man, in a male dominated profession, with a litany of women (current and past), ongoing infidelities, insatiable appetite to spend (her) money, high living, drink, drugs, communing with spirits (ok, that might be a little different), and above all - secrets and unanswered questions. But the latter isn't just with Arun but interestingly also with her own family that is filled with complexity and mystery.
Tamraz tells the story of her twenties and thirties with scant bitterness and recrimination. A hall mark of this memoir. She gives space to the reader to make up one's own mind. Was she naive? Yes. Optimistic? Yes. Vulnerable? Yes. And yet, she is also educated, highly intelligent and likeable.
The most surprising and welcomed outcome of The Secret Practice is how well Tamraz makes it through the long eighteen years of deception, manipulation, coercion and subjugation. With searing honesty and awareness of her younger self, she repeatedly and candidly shows herself placating her husband, bending to his will until in his much older age with guidance and support from a close friend, she discovers her own agency and sees her life for what it is. And takes action. A moment to cheer.
At the end, what emerges again is her optimism and honesty, qualities to cherish in an individual as she moves forward in her forties having come through this long traumatic experience. She is not alone. Tamraz helpfully broadens the story to reference other deceitful yogis and practitioners who have duped other invariably young people looking for something deeper and more meaningful in their lives.
Tamraz wastes no time in her memoir, which is fast paced and immersive; at times, exhausting, as the author and her much older husband restlessly criss-cross the globe in pursuit of a place to call home and for Tamraz, to find the ever-elusive peace and security she craves.
The 'red flags' around the relationship with yogi Arun come thick and fast. A young woman encounters a much older man, in a male dominated profession, with a litany of women (current and past), ongoing infidelities, insatiable appetite to spend (her) money, high living, drink, drugs, communing with spirits (ok, that might be a little different), and above all - secrets and unanswered questions. But the latter isn't just with Arun but interestingly also with her own family that is filled with complexity and mystery.
Tamraz tells the story of her twenties and thirties with scant bitterness and recrimination. A hall mark of this memoir. She gives space to the reader to make up one's own mind. Was she naive? Yes. Optimistic? Yes. Vulnerable? Yes. And yet, she is also educated, highly intelligent and likeable.
The most surprising and welcomed outcome of The Secret Practice is how well Tamraz makes it through the long eighteen years of deception, manipulation, coercion and subjugation. With searing honesty and awareness of her younger self, she repeatedly and candidly shows herself placating her husband, bending to his will until in his much older age with guidance and support from a close friend, she discovers her own agency and sees her life for what it is. And takes action. A moment to cheer.
At the end, what emerges again is her optimism and honesty, qualities to cherish in an individual as she moves forward in her forties having come through this long traumatic experience. She is not alone. Tamraz helpfully broadens the story to reference other deceitful yogis and practitioners who have duped other invariably young people looking for something deeper and more meaningful in their lives.
July 15, 2023
The Secret Practice is a gripping memoir about an educated, cultured young woman who falls for a spiritual guru. From the title and opening pages, we know that Tamraz will eventually escape, but the book maintains suspense as we wonder how deeply their lives will entwine and how the author will extricate herself. Like a cross between “Educated” and “Eat, Pray, Love,” this book flits between India, France and New York to depict the hard-fought coming of age story of its protagonist. I was glued to the page and rooting for Joelle at every turn.
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July 16, 2023I was glued to the pages of this account of how a young woman came under the thrall of a charismatic, but exploitative yogi - to the point of marrying him. Even modern, well-educated people can be very vulnerable to such unsavory tactics, when they are seeking love and validation, and this story amply demonstrates how being "spiritual" does not equal "good".
Sometimes the narration was confusing in how it jumped back and forth to the author's past and upbringing; for me, a section covering those past events on their own, rather than trying to weave them into the main story, could have been an improvement. The ending also felt a bit abrupt; after spending such a long time with the author in mental captivity, I would have liked to know more about life on the "outside." But maybe she will write about that in her next book.
ARC provided by the author for review purposes. No other compensation was received, and all opinions expressed are my own.
Sometimes the narration was confusing in how it jumped back and forth to the author's past and upbringing; for me, a section covering those past events on their own, rather than trying to weave them into the main story, could have been an improvement. The ending also felt a bit abrupt; after spending such a long time with the author in mental captivity, I would have liked to know more about life on the "outside." But maybe she will write about that in her next book.
ARC provided by the author for review purposes. No other compensation was received, and all opinions expressed are my own.
September 1, 2023
The Secret Practice has so many cautionary lessons. In the first half of the book, Joelle Tamraz shows how everything happened, and the story seems unbelievable at times. In each chapter, something else would happen, and I would think, “Wait, what?” There is a surreal sheen to some of the events as they unfold, and author’s almost detached recital gives an impression of numbness.
That makes sense. Numbness seems like a logical coping mechanism. It’s a way to survive.
I loved so many things about this book, but one thing that resonated powerfully to me was the way that Joelle’s broken family life (divorced parents, distant father) left her open and vulnerable to manipulation by an older, con-artist type of man at the tender young age of twenty-two. Her journey out of this dark relationship meant coming into an understanding about her roots, her family, and her own power.
That’s the real secret.
That makes sense. Numbness seems like a logical coping mechanism. It’s a way to survive.
I loved so many things about this book, but one thing that resonated powerfully to me was the way that Joelle’s broken family life (divorced parents, distant father) left her open and vulnerable to manipulation by an older, con-artist type of man at the tender young age of twenty-two. Her journey out of this dark relationship meant coming into an understanding about her roots, her family, and her own power.
That’s the real secret.
November 18, 2025
Award-winning author Joelle Tamraz has written a riveting memoir that reads like great fiction, only her story is devastatingly true. "The Secret Practice" serves as a cautionary tale, an engrossing memoir and suspenseful storytelling all at once. Publishers overuse the term "unputdownable," but in this case it applies. Highly recommended.
August 2, 2023
I'll be thinking about this one for a long time.
This is a story of how an intelligent but young/naïve woman falls under the spell of an older man, and it must have cost the author a lot to tell it because this guy (spoiler alert?) took her for an 18-year RIDE, and she lays her cautionary tale completely bare to us. It’s not so much about yoga as it is about how the fairy tale-spider casts his mystical web over an impressionable person. It’s fascinating and angry-making. It asks more questions than it answers (and if anything, I would have liked even more insight into how, exactly, the author thinks this particular man was able to groom her so effectively and for so long, and how, exactly, she was able to emotionally and psychologically extricate herself). But it would be an excellent starting point for parents and daughters to discuss the possibility of smooth-talking men trying something similar with them. Book groups could talk about this for hours.
Read this book! I'll be buying copies for all the young women of my acquaintance.
This is a story of how an intelligent but young/naïve woman falls under the spell of an older man, and it must have cost the author a lot to tell it because this guy (spoiler alert?) took her for an 18-year RIDE, and she lays her cautionary tale completely bare to us. It’s not so much about yoga as it is about how the fairy tale-spider casts his mystical web over an impressionable person. It’s fascinating and angry-making. It asks more questions than it answers (and if anything, I would have liked even more insight into how, exactly, the author thinks this particular man was able to groom her so effectively and for so long, and how, exactly, she was able to emotionally and psychologically extricate herself). But it would be an excellent starting point for parents and daughters to discuss the possibility of smooth-talking men trying something similar with them. Book groups could talk about this for hours.
Read this book! I'll be buying copies for all the young women of my acquaintance.
October 30, 2023
This book was phenomenal! A really good example of how someone can walk themselves into a cult, or into coercive control, with “their eyes wide open”.
As a scholar of cults, and the author of a memoir about growing up in a cult, I really appreciated this, look into another kind of control system. Joelle takes an extremely vulnerable approach to sharing her story, trusting that the reader will understand her in the end.
Immediately added this book to my book club list.
As a scholar of cults, and the author of a memoir about growing up in a cult, I really appreciated this, look into another kind of control system. Joelle takes an extremely vulnerable approach to sharing her story, trusting that the reader will understand her in the end.
Immediately added this book to my book club list.
January 18, 2024
Whoa! A powerful memoir! Fascinating and thought-provoking.
August 28, 2023
“I was an easy target. My beliefs in…the potential of enlightenment formed the mental chains with which he held me.”
Joelle Tamraz’s debut memoir, The Secret Practice: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga, is the story of not only the way she fell under the influence of an older and charismatic leader established in the practice of yoga, but it’s also about the journey she undertook to break those chains and regain her freedom. While Tamraz weaves a tale about new-age spirituality, her story is so much more than this. It’s a reminder how there are men who prey on younger women for their own physical and material gain—and there are women who will suffer the pain of this betrayal in the name of what they had hoped would be true love.
Tamraz begins her journey soon after graduating from college when she travels to India and meets Arun, who says he will teach her the secretive yet powerful ways of yoga and meditation. Although he promises Tamraz a life of love and peace with links to reincarnation and past lives, Arun soon betrays her trust, asserting his power and control over her and keeping Tamraz locked in a vicious cycle of abuse.
How does this happen to an intelligent and staunchly independent young woman?
It’s called coercion. And when paired with control in the hands of an abuser, it takes the form of gradual brainwashing that will undermine everything the victim believes about her life and her sense of self.
A form of intimate partner violence (IPV), coercive control is reported more often than physical, emotional, or sexual violence in spouses who report abuse and consists of an ongoing pattern of emotional and psychological abuse based on control, manipulation, and oppression. Simply put, it's how men assert their need for dominance and authority over the women in their lives.
While coercive control is not new, how the world recognizes—and criminalizes—the men who engage in these behaviors is. Acts such as isolating someone from their family and friends, intimidating them, monitoring their activity, denying them their freedom and autonomy, constantly criticizing them, making them feel guilty, limiting their access to money, making jealous accusations, gaslighting, or blackmailing and threatening them are now considered illegal in many parts of the world.
This is why Tamraz’s memoir is so timely and so significant. As she lays out the multitude of ways Arun usurped her power, she also shines a much-needed light into the chasm of this sector of relational abuse and shows the reader what it took to transform herself, escape her marriage, and rediscover her true identity.
While it takes courage to reveal our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, especially the ones that expose the darker aspects of ourselves, Tamraz shows she’s willing to take that risk if the result prevents other women from suffering at the hands of another abuser. So, with much grace and humility, Tamraz ends her journey by openly facing her fears, accepting her mistakes, and forgiving her younger self for the path she chose. She provides the reader with this poignant visual of her strength:
“I take this girl’s shoulders, pull her away from him, and hold her in my arms. Tears wet my face.”
Kudos to Tamraz for telling a much-needed story about such an insidious form of abuse. I recommend The Secret Practice to anyone looking for an honest and unputdownable read, and I look forward to seeing more from this fresh and inspiring author.
Joelle Tamraz’s debut memoir, The Secret Practice: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga, is the story of not only the way she fell under the influence of an older and charismatic leader established in the practice of yoga, but it’s also about the journey she undertook to break those chains and regain her freedom. While Tamraz weaves a tale about new-age spirituality, her story is so much more than this. It’s a reminder how there are men who prey on younger women for their own physical and material gain—and there are women who will suffer the pain of this betrayal in the name of what they had hoped would be true love.
Tamraz begins her journey soon after graduating from college when she travels to India and meets Arun, who says he will teach her the secretive yet powerful ways of yoga and meditation. Although he promises Tamraz a life of love and peace with links to reincarnation and past lives, Arun soon betrays her trust, asserting his power and control over her and keeping Tamraz locked in a vicious cycle of abuse.
How does this happen to an intelligent and staunchly independent young woman?
It’s called coercion. And when paired with control in the hands of an abuser, it takes the form of gradual brainwashing that will undermine everything the victim believes about her life and her sense of self.
A form of intimate partner violence (IPV), coercive control is reported more often than physical, emotional, or sexual violence in spouses who report abuse and consists of an ongoing pattern of emotional and psychological abuse based on control, manipulation, and oppression. Simply put, it's how men assert their need for dominance and authority over the women in their lives.
While coercive control is not new, how the world recognizes—and criminalizes—the men who engage in these behaviors is. Acts such as isolating someone from their family and friends, intimidating them, monitoring their activity, denying them their freedom and autonomy, constantly criticizing them, making them feel guilty, limiting their access to money, making jealous accusations, gaslighting, or blackmailing and threatening them are now considered illegal in many parts of the world.
This is why Tamraz’s memoir is so timely and so significant. As she lays out the multitude of ways Arun usurped her power, she also shines a much-needed light into the chasm of this sector of relational abuse and shows the reader what it took to transform herself, escape her marriage, and rediscover her true identity.
While it takes courage to reveal our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, especially the ones that expose the darker aspects of ourselves, Tamraz shows she’s willing to take that risk if the result prevents other women from suffering at the hands of another abuser. So, with much grace and humility, Tamraz ends her journey by openly facing her fears, accepting her mistakes, and forgiving her younger self for the path she chose. She provides the reader with this poignant visual of her strength:
“I take this girl’s shoulders, pull her away from him, and hold her in my arms. Tears wet my face.”
Kudos to Tamraz for telling a much-needed story about such an insidious form of abuse. I recommend The Secret Practice to anyone looking for an honest and unputdownable read, and I look forward to seeing more from this fresh and inspiring author.
July 18, 2023
(ARC provided by author)
Knowing almost nothing about yoga, Joelle's journey was eye-opening for me. What she endured, how she suffered, what she tolerated, and how she emerged on the other side is amazing. I kept turning the pages, waiting for Joelle to bloom like a lotus and I wasn't disappointed. This memoir will absolutely introduce you to the dark side of yoga, through years of manipulation, deceipt, and coercion. A riveting read from start to finish.
Knowing almost nothing about yoga, Joelle's journey was eye-opening for me. What she endured, how she suffered, what she tolerated, and how she emerged on the other side is amazing. I kept turning the pages, waiting for Joelle to bloom like a lotus and I wasn't disappointed. This memoir will absolutely introduce you to the dark side of yoga, through years of manipulation, deceipt, and coercion. A riveting read from start to finish.
October 24, 2025
Joelle's story of her 18-year entanglement with her yoga guru is, I believe, a very important book for anyone considering traveling to India solo to explore yoga. I wish I had read this book before my own journey; nonetheless, I can say with deep gratitude that reading this book now, eight months after my return, has allowed me to finally begin to create some sense of what I witnessed, like Joelle. I found The Secret Practice to be a tender, truthful, and brilliant book. If you are someone who is seeking answers in practices like yoga or esoteric spiritual concepts, or you have experienced cognitive dissonance between relationship ideals and reality without knowing how to put words to it or move forward, I highly recommend reading this book. You may have to face in Joelle's story the possibility of personal disillusionment in your own life, depending on what implications it has for you, and yet I still encourage you to bravely read this book, if only to consider its reflections in your own life. I admit I cried more than once while reading The Secret Practice, but I prefer to feel a bit of sadness and come out wiser and clearer afterwards than to remain in a painful dream.
October 27, 2023
This book is extremely well-written and makes a captivating read. Reading it you could hear the author's voice so authentically and she speaks admirably, with great honesty. I felt strongly compelled to finish the book to discover what eventually happened. As this is an autobiography, the book contains some references to others whose story is incomplete because the author herself cannot know the full picture. This is somewhat tantalising and leaves the reader wondering.
August 5, 2025
Unputdownable! A saga of coercive control by a man in his fifties of a woman in her 20’s within the guise of phony yoga practice (which seems to happen at an alarming rate.) I like that as the story progresses we can see the author’s personal growth but she doesn’t punctuate with the insights she could only have once free. I wanted to know more about her life beyond him but she stopped at a good place. I admire her so much for not staying with him in his final years when someone (like me) might have felt obligated to care for him as he deteriorated. Really well done!
December 10, 2023
Compelling debut memoir
I’m not really into yoga, as that’s more of my sister’s thing, but I was intrigued to read this memoir about the author’s experiences. This memoir is not really about yoga though. It’s really about a young woman’s journey to finding herself. Instead, she finds herself in a relationship with an older man who repeatedly takes advantage of her financially and manipulates her for years. Finally after 18 years, she was able to break free. Compelling debut memoir. Thank you for sharing your story, Joelle.
I’m not really into yoga, as that’s more of my sister’s thing, but I was intrigued to read this memoir about the author’s experiences. This memoir is not really about yoga though. It’s really about a young woman’s journey to finding herself. Instead, she finds herself in a relationship with an older man who repeatedly takes advantage of her financially and manipulates her for years. Finally after 18 years, she was able to break free. Compelling debut memoir. Thank you for sharing your story, Joelle.
September 18, 2025
I appreciate the vulnerability with which this book is written, thank you for sharing your story. I was so delighted when freedom came.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 26, 2025
I just finished "The Secret Practice" by Joelle Tamraz. I thought it was fabulous. It kept me interested from the first page. The writing was a perfect blend of internal and external thoughts and descriptions. It was an amazing story. I'm so glad I found it and read it. Definitely worth 5 stars!!
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August 24, 2023A brave telling of a vulnerable young woman's search for enlightenment and belonging.
August 13, 2023
This book is so beautifully written and thought provoking. Although I am not usually a reader of memoirs this one truly captured my interest and held me throughout. While delving deep into fascinating aspects of Yoga, reincarnation and spiritualism it is also a heartwrenching yet inspirational tale of love, strength and courage. I am in awe of not only Joelle's story but also her ability to express it in such a compelling and fluid narrative. I definitely look forward to reading more of her work!
August 9, 2023
The secret practice is a beautifully written memoir that reads more like a fictional story--but make no mistake, this is very much a real story--one which I couldn't put down.
It feels so obvious, how does she not see it, there are so many red flags, but the obvious perspective from the outside, paired with the blind commitment from the inside, is exactly the point. No one willingly walks into a position of disadvantage, where all they have is taken and all they know is transformed, they are persuaded into it, unknowingly, innocently... Joelle's story demonstrates how our search for meaning within our own lives can lead us astray when we place too much power in the hands of others, but the secret lies within your hands, and this book will take you there.
It feels so obvious, how does she not see it, there are so many red flags, but the obvious perspective from the outside, paired with the blind commitment from the inside, is exactly the point. No one willingly walks into a position of disadvantage, where all they have is taken and all they know is transformed, they are persuaded into it, unknowingly, innocently... Joelle's story demonstrates how our search for meaning within our own lives can lead us astray when we place too much power in the hands of others, but the secret lies within your hands, and this book will take you there.
August 7, 2023
I was pulled into this book from the very beginning. Joelle takes us on a journey into her marriage to Arun. It’s one of the those books that had me constantly saying “don’t do it” - stop following along with everything he says. It shows how easy it is to get caught under the spell of someone that you forget who you are and the struggle to find the strength that is within you to finally say “no more - enough”. Highly recommend this book to anyone who may be dealing with similar topics - wanting to get out of a relationship but just not sure how or just looking for a captivating book on a new and interesting topic to read.
October 15, 2023
A fascinating journey
A true journey, Tamraz takes you along the path she trod, maintaining tension and suspense that will keep you turning the pages as you wonder what will happen next. An enjoyable and ultimately satisfying read. I couldn’t put it down and haven’t stopped thinking about it.
A true journey, Tamraz takes you along the path she trod, maintaining tension and suspense that will keep you turning the pages as you wonder what will happen next. An enjoyable and ultimately satisfying read. I couldn’t put it down and haven’t stopped thinking about it.
August 16, 2023
Many people hold the misconception that they cannot fall under the spell of an abuser–be it an abusive romantic partner or an abusive, cult-like organization. In fact, so many of the people who do experience this kind of coercive control are intelligent, driven, and principled, motivated by their desire to build transcendent relationships, have rich human experiences, and effect positive change in the world.
This reality is exactly why Joelle Tamraz’s memoir “THE SECRET PRACTICE: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga,” is such an important story. Through her compelling storytelling, it becomes clear that it was not weakness or desperation, but a heady mix of idealism, openness to possibility, and a desire for meaningful connection that put Joelle in the path of Arun, who promised to guide and love her, but instead exploited her faith and abused her trust.
Joelle’s personal experience under the control of a charismatic partner illuminates another, wider issue: how “new age” movements like yoga and meditation have been weaponized by charismatic leaders in the popular and lucrative world of self-help.
Her story serves as an important warning in today’s context, where our Instagram and TikTok feeds are filled with would-be gurus and spiritual “influencers.” The dynamics of coercive control are similar in both one-on-one relationships and group settings–like unethical self-help organizations where the charismatic partner or leader manipulates the good intentions of his/her victims to feed their own ego and ambition. The best way to empower and protect ourselves against a self-interested or dangerous leader is to understand how this type of coercion works and learn to recognize it in action.
I recommend “The Secret Practice” to anyone looking for a captivating and hopeful story of growth and self-awareness, but especially for the seekers out there–those of us who are always looking to be the best possible versions of ourselves, living our most meaningful lives.
This reality is exactly why Joelle Tamraz’s memoir “THE SECRET PRACTICE: Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga,” is such an important story. Through her compelling storytelling, it becomes clear that it was not weakness or desperation, but a heady mix of idealism, openness to possibility, and a desire for meaningful connection that put Joelle in the path of Arun, who promised to guide and love her, but instead exploited her faith and abused her trust.
Joelle’s personal experience under the control of a charismatic partner illuminates another, wider issue: how “new age” movements like yoga and meditation have been weaponized by charismatic leaders in the popular and lucrative world of self-help.
Her story serves as an important warning in today’s context, where our Instagram and TikTok feeds are filled with would-be gurus and spiritual “influencers.” The dynamics of coercive control are similar in both one-on-one relationships and group settings–like unethical self-help organizations where the charismatic partner or leader manipulates the good intentions of his/her victims to feed their own ego and ambition. The best way to empower and protect ourselves against a self-interested or dangerous leader is to understand how this type of coercion works and learn to recognize it in action.
I recommend “The Secret Practice” to anyone looking for a captivating and hopeful story of growth and self-awareness, but especially for the seekers out there–those of us who are always looking to be the best possible versions of ourselves, living our most meaningful lives.
July 24, 2023
In The Secret Practice, Eighteen Years on the Dark Side of Yoga, Joelle Tamraz immediately pulled me in, and I was invested in her and her story.
Although a memoir, this fascinating account of strength, endurance, and discovery in many ways reads like fiction. Tamraz shares how she met and married Arun, a man many years her senior who called himself a yogi. I am not familiar with yoga and was expecting to learn more about the physical practice but the author’s descriptive writing takes us to France, India, and New York where we learn about Eastern spiritual philosophies like reincarnation, spiritual channeling, and meditation. It’s where we also discover the many ways Arun expertly manipulated and controlled Joelle.
Spinning lie after lie, Arun insinuated himself between Joelle and her family, ensuring he was the one she thought she should trust and rely on. After convincing her to invest in multiple ventures, shortly after Joelle earned her MBA, Arun declared he would no longer work. This left Joelle to juggle working full-time in a corporate job while also ensuring Arun's yoga school stayed afloat as it was her name on the contract. Meanwhile, Arun himself frivolously spends and schemes.
This memoir is more than what a well-educated vulnerable young woman endured through 18 years of an abusive marriage. This story is about rebirth and renewal as Tamraz describes how she eventually extricated herself from him and the lies he told and ultimately found her own path to enlightenment.
Although a memoir, this fascinating account of strength, endurance, and discovery in many ways reads like fiction. Tamraz shares how she met and married Arun, a man many years her senior who called himself a yogi. I am not familiar with yoga and was expecting to learn more about the physical practice but the author’s descriptive writing takes us to France, India, and New York where we learn about Eastern spiritual philosophies like reincarnation, spiritual channeling, and meditation. It’s where we also discover the many ways Arun expertly manipulated and controlled Joelle.
Spinning lie after lie, Arun insinuated himself between Joelle and her family, ensuring he was the one she thought she should trust and rely on. After convincing her to invest in multiple ventures, shortly after Joelle earned her MBA, Arun declared he would no longer work. This left Joelle to juggle working full-time in a corporate job while also ensuring Arun's yoga school stayed afloat as it was her name on the contract. Meanwhile, Arun himself frivolously spends and schemes.
This memoir is more than what a well-educated vulnerable young woman endured through 18 years of an abusive marriage. This story is about rebirth and renewal as Tamraz describes how she eventually extricated herself from him and the lies he told and ultimately found her own path to enlightenment.
July 19, 2023
ARC provided by author
I’ve been waiting a long time to read this book, pretty much since I first learned Tamraz was writing it. And it was absolutely worth the wait. I have a longstanding interest in the topic of power and its abuse, particularly in the areas of mental health and spirituality/wellness, so of course I was thrilled to get my hands on an advance copy. This memoir is a riveting read, written in gorgeous, descriptive language that places the reader right there, whether it be in India, Paris, or NYC. It was hard to put the book down, because I just had to know how Tamraz eventually extricated herself from the untenable situation in which she found herself after years of marriage to a man who called himself a yogi but committed act after act of different forms of betrayal and abuse of power. This is a memoir about yoga, yes, and the dark side of the practice - the ease with which many gurus (Bikram comes immediately to mind…) have used their revered status among their trusting and admiring students to manipulate, coerce, and betray. But it’s also an inspiring story about a search for spiritual truth and meaning, undertaken at a very young and vulnerable age, that winds and spirals over nearly two decades in ways that took my breath away and ends with the author finding a different kind of truth: the truth of her own power, strength, and resiliency. You don’t have to be a fan of yoga to enjoy this memoir; you just have to be human. Highly, highly recommended.
I’ve been waiting a long time to read this book, pretty much since I first learned Tamraz was writing it. And it was absolutely worth the wait. I have a longstanding interest in the topic of power and its abuse, particularly in the areas of mental health and spirituality/wellness, so of course I was thrilled to get my hands on an advance copy. This memoir is a riveting read, written in gorgeous, descriptive language that places the reader right there, whether it be in India, Paris, or NYC. It was hard to put the book down, because I just had to know how Tamraz eventually extricated herself from the untenable situation in which she found herself after years of marriage to a man who called himself a yogi but committed act after act of different forms of betrayal and abuse of power. This is a memoir about yoga, yes, and the dark side of the practice - the ease with which many gurus (Bikram comes immediately to mind…) have used their revered status among their trusting and admiring students to manipulate, coerce, and betray. But it’s also an inspiring story about a search for spiritual truth and meaning, undertaken at a very young and vulnerable age, that winds and spirals over nearly two decades in ways that took my breath away and ends with the author finding a different kind of truth: the truth of her own power, strength, and resiliency. You don’t have to be a fan of yoga to enjoy this memoir; you just have to be human. Highly, highly recommended.
September 7, 2023
I finished The Secret Practice in a few days. It was an easy and intriguing read in spite of heavy concepts like spirituality and transcendentalism, which are prevalent throughout the book. The author skillfully makes her unusual story very believable and accessible to anyone. She also creates suspense early on which I haven’t seen often in a memoir. One disclaimer: the author was my roommate freshman year in college and friend. While I didn’t keep in touch with her much after graduation, I reconnected with her as she was finishing up this book. I’d heard about some of her adventures in Rishikesh and with the yoga school through mutual friends but I appreciated finally getting the story first-hand. What I will add is that if I hadn’t known Joelle, I would have expected her/the protagonist, who is so intelligent, to realize she was being taken advantage of much sooner. Knowing her, I think she truly wanted to believe that there was greater purpose, a fact that enabled some of the characters in the book to exploit her vulnerability. She references “cult” many times which I think is an explanation. I would argue that her beliefs were similar to many religious people who worship their human leaders. This is a great read for anyone wanting to read about yoga, cults, post-college adventures, first marriages and even indirectly, Paris or Harvard.
March 20, 2024
Τόσο εξωφρενικό που το τελείωσα μέσα σε μία μέρα. Εννοείται ότι σε κάθε σελίδα φώναζα στην συγγραφέα, είσαι σοβαρή τώρα (;) και κρίμα τα πτυχία από το Χάρβαρντ.
Ερωτεύτηκε εναν εκμοντερνισμένο, ας τον πω, γκουρού, ο οποίος της εξομολογήθηκε ότι είχε μπει στο σώμα ενός ετοιμοθάνατου Ινδού και πήρε την θέση του στην οικογένεια και τώρα έπρεπε να φροντίζει γι' αυτήν την οικογένεια σαν να ήταν από πάντα δική του. Πόσο έξυπνος τρόπος για να πεις στην άλλην ότι είμαι ήδη παντρεμένος και έχω πέντε παιδιά αλλά θα παντρευτώ κι εσένα.
Κατόπιν αφού την παντρεύτηκε και της έφαγε όλα τα δαχτυλίδια τα έφτιαξε και με μια τρίτη με την δικαιολογία πως αυτή εδώ η ευρωπαία ήταν γυναίκα του σε προηγούμενη ζωή και έτυχε να την συναντήσει και σε αυτή την ενσάρκωση και ότι συμβαίνουν αυτά στην ύπαρξη μην τρελαίνεσαι, βάλε να πιω ένα κρασί. Μα, μου είχες πει ότι οι γκουρού δεν πίνουν αλκοόλ. Ναι, σωστά θυμάσαι αλλά στην πραγματικότητα δεν θα το πιω εγώ αλλά ένα πνεύμα που έχω μέσα μου. Κι έτσι όπως έρχεσαι πιάσε και κανένα ναρκωτικό να κάνουμε κεφάλι.
Έκλαψα από τα γέλια. Γουότ ε τζόουκ που λένε και στο χωριό της γιαγιάς μου στην Μεσσηνία.
Σας είπα ότι είναι αυτοβιογραφία;
Ερωτεύτηκε εναν εκμοντερνισμένο, ας τον πω, γκουρού, ο οποίος της εξομολογήθηκε ότι είχε μπει στο σώμα ενός ετοιμοθάνατου Ινδού και πήρε την θέση του στην οικογένεια και τώρα έπρεπε να φροντίζει γι' αυτήν την οικογένεια σαν να ήταν από πάντα δική του. Πόσο έξυπνος τρόπος για να πεις στην άλλην ότι είμαι ήδη παντρεμένος και έχω πέντε παιδιά αλλά θα παντρευτώ κι εσένα.
Κατόπιν αφού την παντρεύτηκε και της έφαγε όλα τα δαχτυλίδια τα έφτιαξε και με μια τρίτη με την δικαιολογία πως αυτή εδώ η ευρωπαία ήταν γυναίκα του σε προηγούμενη ζωή και έτυχε να την συναντήσει και σε αυτή την ενσάρκωση και ότι συμβαίνουν αυτά στην ύπαρξη μην τρελαίνεσαι, βάλε να πιω ένα κρασί. Μα, μου είχες πει ότι οι γκουρού δεν πίνουν αλκοόλ. Ναι, σωστά θυμάσαι αλλά στην πραγματικότητα δεν θα το πιω εγώ αλλά ένα πνεύμα που έχω μέσα μου. Κι έτσι όπως έρχεσαι πιάσε και κανένα ναρκωτικό να κάνουμε κεφάλι.
Έκλαψα από τα γέλια. Γουότ ε τζόουκ που λένε και στο χωριό της γιαγιάς μου στην Μεσσηνία.
Σας είπα ότι είναι αυτοβιογραφία;
July 19, 2023
An insightful must read to understand the dark side reality of what can be encountered in the world of Yoga and mysticism. In any social institution in the world we can find the virtuous and villains, but certain disciplines have meta physical aspects where the truth is difficult to discern. Joelle Tamraz's experience and expression here fill in the those gaps. Her reportage of Arun, a master of Agni yoga, is very accurate. I say that because I knew and was tight with Arun for some years. Yes, this is not a fictional work, and don't believe it can't happen to you. That being said, the Arun you will meet in The Secret Practice was quite different than many con artists found throughout mystic disciplines. He weaves a heady mix of mysticism, practicality, curiosity, and personal relationship of both his "good" and "bad" sides masterfully into control & manipulation. Like all good writers it's easy to identify with the characters, and feel the tension in Joelle's memoir. Watching her innocence being abused is frustrating, but with signals of awareness & lucidity there is hope along her journey. The wisdom gained by her experience does not fail as she overcomes and breaks the cycle of his controls. A joy comes over the reader to see her triumph. We love you Joelle. In Christ.
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