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The Perfect Family
***A book of women’s fiction.NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author delivers heartfelt family scenes, biting social commentary and a unique look the healing power of forgiveness.“I recommend this book highly. It is a must read for anyone dealing with coming out to their family, friends, and coworkers.” David Parker, PFLAGWhat happens to the perfect family when a teenage boy comes out? That’s the question the Davidson family must deal with. Jamie, the gay son, just wants to live his life out of the shadows. Maggie, mother, teacher and psychologist, will do anything to protect her child, even side with him against her husband. Mike, a loving, giving father can’t reconcile his beloved Catholic Church’s indictment of homosexuality with his deep unconditional love for his boy. And Brian longs for things to go back to the way they were before the jocks at school started to taunt his brother and turn against him. But when tragedy strikes Jamie’s new boyfriend, they all begin to look at their lives differently and work harder to save their perfect family.Praise for THE PERFECT FAMILY from people in all walks of “After twenty years of educating on gay issues, I found THE PERFECT FAMILY a fresh, soulful and enlightening story.” Scott Fearing, Outreach Director, The Gay Alliance of Genesee Valley“The book should be in school libraries, psychologists’ offices and on teachers’ book shelves!” Stacy B. Killings, Certified School Psychologist"It's been a long time since I've read a book that so comprehensively and compellingly speaks to a teenager's coming out experience." Reverend Lee Ann Bryce, United Church of Christ Minister“Warmly poignant, realistic, dramatic and honestly presented, Shay’s story is an engrossing family saga for the modern world.” RT Book Reviews
389 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2010
69 people are currently reading
673 people want to read
About the author
Kathryn Shay
171 books499 followersKathryn Shay is a lifelong writer. At fifteen, she penned her first 'romance,' a short story about a female newspaper reporter in New York City and her fight to make a name for herself in a world of male journalists - and with one hardheaded editor in particular. Looking back, Kathryn says she should have known then that writing was in her future. But as so often happens, fate sent her detouring down another path.
Fully intending to pursue her dream of big city lights and success in the literary world, Kathryn took every creative writing class available at the small private women's college she attended in upstate New York. Instead, other dreams took precedence. She met and subsequently married a wonderful guy who'd attended a neighboring school, then completed her practice teaching, a requirement for the education degree she never intended to use. But says Kathryn, "I fell in love with teaching the first day I was up in front of a class, and knew I was meant to do that."
Kathryn went on to build a successful career in the New York state school system, thoroughly enjoying her work with adolescents. But by the early 1990s, she'd again made room in her life for writing. It was then that she submitted her first manuscript to publishers and agents. Despite enduring two years of rejections, she persevered. And on a snowy December afternoon in 1994, Kathryn Shay sold her first book to Harlequin Superromance.
Since that first sale, Kathryn has written twenty-one books for Harlequin, nine mainstream contemporary romances for the Berkley Publishing Group, and two online novellas, which Berkley then published in traditional print format.
Kathryn has become known for her powerful characterizations - readers say they feel they know the people in her books - and her heart-wrenching, emotional writing (her favorite comments are that fans cried while reading her books or stayed up late to finish them). In testament to her skill, the author has won five RT BookClub Magazine Reviewers Choice Awards, three Holt Medallions, two Desert Quill Awards, the Golden Leaf Award, and several online accolades.
Even in light of her writing success, that initial love of teaching never wavered for Kathryn. She finished out her teaching career in 2004, retiring from the same school where her career began. These days, she lives in upstate New York with her husband and two children. "My life is very full," she reports, "but very happy. I consider myself fortunate to have been able to pursue and achieve my dreams."
Fully intending to pursue her dream of big city lights and success in the literary world, Kathryn took every creative writing class available at the small private women's college she attended in upstate New York. Instead, other dreams took precedence. She met and subsequently married a wonderful guy who'd attended a neighboring school, then completed her practice teaching, a requirement for the education degree she never intended to use. But says Kathryn, "I fell in love with teaching the first day I was up in front of a class, and knew I was meant to do that."
Kathryn went on to build a successful career in the New York state school system, thoroughly enjoying her work with adolescents. But by the early 1990s, she'd again made room in her life for writing. It was then that she submitted her first manuscript to publishers and agents. Despite enduring two years of rejections, she persevered. And on a snowy December afternoon in 1994, Kathryn Shay sold her first book to Harlequin Superromance.
Since that first sale, Kathryn has written twenty-one books for Harlequin, nine mainstream contemporary romances for the Berkley Publishing Group, and two online novellas, which Berkley then published in traditional print format.
Kathryn has become known for her powerful characterizations - readers say they feel they know the people in her books - and her heart-wrenching, emotional writing (her favorite comments are that fans cried while reading her books or stayed up late to finish them). In testament to her skill, the author has won five RT BookClub Magazine Reviewers Choice Awards, three Holt Medallions, two Desert Quill Awards, the Golden Leaf Award, and several online accolades.
Even in light of her writing success, that initial love of teaching never wavered for Kathryn. She finished out her teaching career in 2004, retiring from the same school where her career began. These days, she lives in upstate New York with her husband and two children. "My life is very full," she reports, "but very happy. I consider myself fortunate to have been able to pursue and achieve my dreams."
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January 28, 2018
Mike and Maggie Davidson have been married for twenty years. They have two sons; eighteen-year-old Brian and seventeen-year-old Jamie. Their lives are going smoothly. They are considered the perfect family...until Jamie reveals to his family that he is gay. Maggie talks to Jamie and tells him that she supports him. Mike is having a hard time balancing his love for his son with his religion. Brian is hurt that his brother never told him his secret. Everyone has to reconcile their feelings and work to keep the family from ripping apart.
This is a well-written story that covers many important subjects, including some people's belief that being gay is a choice, teen suicide, and discrimination. Some of the things that happen in the book are not a surprise. You can see the build-up to what's going to happen throughout the book. But, it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the book. My rating: 4.5 Stars.
This is a well-written story that covers many important subjects, including some people's belief that being gay is a choice, teen suicide, and discrimination. Some of the things that happen in the book are not a surprise. You can see the build-up to what's going to happen throughout the book. But, it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the book. My rating: 4.5 Stars.
Did not finish
January 18, 2025DNF somewhere in first chapter.
I couldn't remember why I had DNFd this one back in 2014, so I attempted to check it out again a few days ago, then kept forgetting about it to write a review. 😂🙈
So this perfect family has a mom who teaches sociology/psychology at the local community college - and she recently added a course discussing sexual and gender identity, a dad who is big into his Catholic church and guilts his entire family into attending (the absolute wrong thing to do if you genuinely want your family to be closer to God), and two teenaged boys on the cusp of adulthood. One son is butch and athletic and is closest to the dad, the other is more artistic and quiet (and gay, but not out yet) and closest to the mom.
I think we can all see where this is going. Skimming reviews confirmed all my suspicions.
Aside from the stereotypes and clichés piling up, the writing and world building wasn't very smooth. It didn't encourage me to keep going.
I couldn't remember why I had DNFd this one back in 2014, so I attempted to check it out again a few days ago, then kept forgetting about it to write a review. 😂🙈
So this perfect family has a mom who teaches sociology/psychology at the local community college - and she recently added a course discussing sexual and gender identity, a dad who is big into his Catholic church and guilts his entire family into attending (the absolute wrong thing to do if you genuinely want your family to be closer to God), and two teenaged boys on the cusp of adulthood. One son is butch and athletic and is closest to the dad, the other is more artistic and quiet (and gay, but not out yet) and closest to the mom.
I think we can all see where this is going. Skimming reviews confirmed all my suspicions.
Aside from the stereotypes and clichés piling up, the writing and world building wasn't very smooth. It didn't encourage me to keep going.
Read
September 15, 2011I remember Kathryn Shay from the time I was reading het romances, I think I probably read one or two too, so when I saw this novel by her, it picked my interest. I was curious to see how someone who is used to write straight relationship would face the task to move to gay relationship. In a way she didn’t, The Perfect Family, as the same title suggests, is a family story more than a love story, and if we want to search for a romance, the one who is fully developed is that between Maggie, the mother, and Mike, the father; Jamie, the teenager who comes out to his family, has a “high school” relationship with Luke… maybe it’s love, maybe it’s something that will shade away in time, but in this moment it’s the main reason why all the balances in this perfect family is apparently not working.
There are very nice and complex characters; Mike, for example, is a very conservative catholic man, who struggles to accept the idea his own son is gay, but for a simple reason: he does believe homosexuality is a sexual orientation and not a lifestyle choice (his own wife is a psychologist and she is very ready to correct him if he had any different idea), but his church is telling him that, if one is gay, and he is not able to “fight” it, then he should be chaste; Mike, that is sexually active, more, he sometime needs sex as escape (of course always with his wife), cannot accept Jamie will be able to be celibate, and so, the obvious conclusion is he will be a sinner and though condemned to hell. I struggle to accept that a wise and good man like Mike could have such archaic ideas. On the other hand, Mike is probably one of the best husband, and father, I have read about, and so I wanted for him to find a way to do the right thing.
Then there is Maggie; as a psychologist she is probably more ready than other mothers to hear the confession of her teenager son, but that doesn’t mean it’s easier for her. Maggie is almost in the middle, her mother role “pushes” her to be worried, and to be scared, for her son’s future; her psychologist role is trying to convince the mother that everything is fine, that there is nothing wrong with her son, that she should concentrate on him and her husband, trying to not destroy their family with her fears.
In a way I also liked the contraposition between Maggie and Mike, and yes, I also think Maggie failed in dealing with Mike, but in her failing I found a more realistic, and likeable, character. Mike was wrong in a lot of things, but Maggie should have tried to be more open with him, to share more of her worries, and above all the actions she was undertaking to help their son.
The Catholic Church is not a winner but neither a loser in this novel, above all since we have the chance to see different sides of it; there is the conservative wing of Father Pete and Mike’s church; there is the more understanding attitude of the catholic lobby of Dignity, also represented by Mike’s parents; there is the very liberal Unitarian Church that is attending Maggie. All in all, all sides involved will have goods and bads, an in a way, the common understanding is that anyone needs to believe, the God is always the same, only the churches worshipping are different.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/160282181X/?...
There are very nice and complex characters; Mike, for example, is a very conservative catholic man, who struggles to accept the idea his own son is gay, but for a simple reason: he does believe homosexuality is a sexual orientation and not a lifestyle choice (his own wife is a psychologist and she is very ready to correct him if he had any different idea), but his church is telling him that, if one is gay, and he is not able to “fight” it, then he should be chaste; Mike, that is sexually active, more, he sometime needs sex as escape (of course always with his wife), cannot accept Jamie will be able to be celibate, and so, the obvious conclusion is he will be a sinner and though condemned to hell. I struggle to accept that a wise and good man like Mike could have such archaic ideas. On the other hand, Mike is probably one of the best husband, and father, I have read about, and so I wanted for him to find a way to do the right thing.
Then there is Maggie; as a psychologist she is probably more ready than other mothers to hear the confession of her teenager son, but that doesn’t mean it’s easier for her. Maggie is almost in the middle, her mother role “pushes” her to be worried, and to be scared, for her son’s future; her psychologist role is trying to convince the mother that everything is fine, that there is nothing wrong with her son, that she should concentrate on him and her husband, trying to not destroy their family with her fears.
In a way I also liked the contraposition between Maggie and Mike, and yes, I also think Maggie failed in dealing with Mike, but in her failing I found a more realistic, and likeable, character. Mike was wrong in a lot of things, but Maggie should have tried to be more open with him, to share more of her worries, and above all the actions she was undertaking to help their son.
The Catholic Church is not a winner but neither a loser in this novel, above all since we have the chance to see different sides of it; there is the conservative wing of Father Pete and Mike’s church; there is the more understanding attitude of the catholic lobby of Dignity, also represented by Mike’s parents; there is the very liberal Unitarian Church that is attending Maggie. All in all, all sides involved will have goods and bads, an in a way, the common understanding is that anyone needs to believe, the God is always the same, only the churches worshipping are different.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/160282181X/?...
December 19, 2013
Couldn't decide whether to give this book 3 or 4 stars, in the end decided upon three for a number of reasons:
1) A bit too much religion in it for my liking
2) Twists in the story were flagged well in advance
3) Not all of the main characters were well rounded
Having said this though it was a heart felt story, about a teenage boy coming out to his family and the impact this had on all his family and friends.
The ending was a bit too syrupy for my liking, but it was an easy read, and gave you food for thought.
1) A bit too much religion in it for my liking
2) Twists in the story were flagged well in advance
3) Not all of the main characters were well rounded
Having said this though it was a heart felt story, about a teenage boy coming out to his family and the impact this had on all his family and friends.
The ending was a bit too syrupy for my liking, but it was an easy read, and gave you food for thought.
March 20, 2011
The Perfect Family is a book that is hard for me to review. The author goes to great lengths to point out that it isn’t biographical. As a mother that has no issues with her children’s homosexuality and no religious indoctrination to overcome, I could not relate to any of the issues that seemed to stand so solidly in the way of loving their children ~ no matter what. I suspect that I may be in the minority with this view, which means the book may be a lot more meaningful to other readers, but for me, as pure fiction, the book left me neutral.
Many of the interpersonal problems the family struggles with seemed self inflicted and unreasonable to me. I wish the book had centered more on the feelings and actions of the son’s coming out. Instead it veered off into extended family and long standing religious dysfunction that derail it. I expected to be able to relate to the mother, and I could with regards to the issues she faced within her family regarding her son revealing his sexuality, beyond that I felt lost amongst the rest of the family, work and friend drama.
This book has so much focus on the religious aspect, not only of homosexuality, but also of a few other long standing unresolved issues between other family members I felt manipulated at times. At other times I was baffled by the weight given to the opinion of people that just don’t matter. I loathed the husband. He hid behind his religion, as so many do, to justify unrecognized but all too apparent, “conditional love.”
As the dramatic high point occurs, which was telegraphed well before it happened, it had the usual effect of shaking up the parents. Making them see what’s important and helped to resolve some of the conflict.
All in all, the book was interesting but I didn’t find many of the characters to be real. They felt stereotypical. Too often their actions were a mixture of unlikely perfection or conversely contrived and unrealistic in their outrageous reactions. The only two characters that seemed to act realistically were both of the brothers.
In the end, it seemed to be a how-to book for parents in this situation to contemplate finding a different more accepting church, join PFLAG and finally, all find their compassion. Honestly, had the book been autobiographical, I think I would have found it more interesting.
Many of the interpersonal problems the family struggles with seemed self inflicted and unreasonable to me. I wish the book had centered more on the feelings and actions of the son’s coming out. Instead it veered off into extended family and long standing religious dysfunction that derail it. I expected to be able to relate to the mother, and I could with regards to the issues she faced within her family regarding her son revealing his sexuality, beyond that I felt lost amongst the rest of the family, work and friend drama.
This book has so much focus on the religious aspect, not only of homosexuality, but also of a few other long standing unresolved issues between other family members I felt manipulated at times. At other times I was baffled by the weight given to the opinion of people that just don’t matter. I loathed the husband. He hid behind his religion, as so many do, to justify unrecognized but all too apparent, “conditional love.”
As the dramatic high point occurs, which was telegraphed well before it happened, it had the usual effect of shaking up the parents. Making them see what’s important and helped to resolve some of the conflict.
All in all, the book was interesting but I didn’t find many of the characters to be real. They felt stereotypical. Too often their actions were a mixture of unlikely perfection or conversely contrived and unrealistic in their outrageous reactions. The only two characters that seemed to act realistically were both of the brothers.
In the end, it seemed to be a how-to book for parents in this situation to contemplate finding a different more accepting church, join PFLAG and finally, all find their compassion. Honestly, had the book been autobiographical, I think I would have found it more interesting.
March 31, 2011
he Perfect Family by Kathryn Shay is a contemporary family story about the struggle a family goes through while coming to terms with their seventeen year-old son Jamie's sexuality after he discloses that he is gay.
Mike and Maggie Davidson have, what many would consider, the "perfect family." They love each other and their sons, athletic eighteen year-old Brian and artistic seventeen year-old Jamie. Both are excellent young men, well-liked, doing well in school, and getting ready for college. As Mike says at the beginning of the book, they "have so much to be thankful for." However soon after Mike makes this statement young Jamie finally reveals to his family that he is gay and the struggles begin.
Mike, Jamie's father, is a religious man and has always felt the comfort and reassurance that participating in his community church give him on a personal level. Reconciling what his religion dictates, faith (two different things as presented by Ms. Shay), and the fact that his son is gay summarize Mike's personal struggle. Then we have Brian, a young man who is torn between loving his brother and best friend, peer pressure, and religious beliefs reinforced by his father.
Finally, we have Maggie whose family was torn apart while growing up because of the church. Maggie not only fights for Jamie, but her already negative feelings about the church place her in a precarious position with her husband Mike. On top of that, Maggie must take her son Brian's feelings on the subject into consideration. There's a danger that their family might split apart. Can she find an alternative and keep her family intact? That's her struggle right there.
But of course the family is not only affected by their internal struggles, they also have to deal with external pressures: school, neighbors, family members, church officials and friends affect the Davidsons, making this a well-rounded story as the family experiences disappointments and finds support from the most unlikely of places. Shay balances out the Davidson's issues by showing how different families react to the same situation. She highlights a different side of the story by featuring how Jamie's boyfriend Luke and his family deal with his coming out to family and friends.
The Perfect Family is narrated in the third person perspective, so although the story begins with Jamie's coming out to his family, Shay gives each family member a voice and explores their thoughts and feelings about this subject. As a result the characters are well-drawn, realistic and believable as are the circumstances surrounding them. I personally couldn't stop thinking about them for days after finishing the book.
Kathryn Shay approaches this story from personal experience, although she stresses in the Author's Note that the story is not autobiographical. However, she also points out in the same section that some events that occurred during her own son's coming out experience are used as a base to tell Jamie's story. It is perhaps the author's personal experience, combined with her writing talents, that make the characters and circumstances in this book feel so real and unforgettable.
The Perfect Family is a well-paced and well-written, engaging read. I became so invested in this characters that I didn't want to stop reading until I finished the book. I was impressed with the direct way in which Shay approaches and discusses important subjects; from differing psychological and religious views on homosexuality, to suicide in gay teens, to religious and community based venues that provide support and can be accessed by teens and families. Yet all these subjects are made very "personal" in a way that makes this an entertaining and educational read at the same time.
I see this book as a must read for families weather their teens are coming out or not. Specifically recommended to those who just want to be aware or who are interested and want to know how to be of help to that friend or neighbor. Highly recommended to all.
Mike and Maggie Davidson have, what many would consider, the "perfect family." They love each other and their sons, athletic eighteen year-old Brian and artistic seventeen year-old Jamie. Both are excellent young men, well-liked, doing well in school, and getting ready for college. As Mike says at the beginning of the book, they "have so much to be thankful for." However soon after Mike makes this statement young Jamie finally reveals to his family that he is gay and the struggles begin.
Mike, Jamie's father, is a religious man and has always felt the comfort and reassurance that participating in his community church give him on a personal level. Reconciling what his religion dictates, faith (two different things as presented by Ms. Shay), and the fact that his son is gay summarize Mike's personal struggle. Then we have Brian, a young man who is torn between loving his brother and best friend, peer pressure, and religious beliefs reinforced by his father.
Finally, we have Maggie whose family was torn apart while growing up because of the church. Maggie not only fights for Jamie, but her already negative feelings about the church place her in a precarious position with her husband Mike. On top of that, Maggie must take her son Brian's feelings on the subject into consideration. There's a danger that their family might split apart. Can she find an alternative and keep her family intact? That's her struggle right there.
But of course the family is not only affected by their internal struggles, they also have to deal with external pressures: school, neighbors, family members, church officials and friends affect the Davidsons, making this a well-rounded story as the family experiences disappointments and finds support from the most unlikely of places. Shay balances out the Davidson's issues by showing how different families react to the same situation. She highlights a different side of the story by featuring how Jamie's boyfriend Luke and his family deal with his coming out to family and friends.
The Perfect Family is narrated in the third person perspective, so although the story begins with Jamie's coming out to his family, Shay gives each family member a voice and explores their thoughts and feelings about this subject. As a result the characters are well-drawn, realistic and believable as are the circumstances surrounding them. I personally couldn't stop thinking about them for days after finishing the book.
Kathryn Shay approaches this story from personal experience, although she stresses in the Author's Note that the story is not autobiographical. However, she also points out in the same section that some events that occurred during her own son's coming out experience are used as a base to tell Jamie's story. It is perhaps the author's personal experience, combined with her writing talents, that make the characters and circumstances in this book feel so real and unforgettable.
The Perfect Family is a well-paced and well-written, engaging read. I became so invested in this characters that I didn't want to stop reading until I finished the book. I was impressed with the direct way in which Shay approaches and discusses important subjects; from differing psychological and religious views on homosexuality, to suicide in gay teens, to religious and community based venues that provide support and can be accessed by teens and families. Yet all these subjects are made very "personal" in a way that makes this an entertaining and educational read at the same time.
I see this book as a must read for families weather their teens are coming out or not. Specifically recommended to those who just want to be aware or who are interested and want to know how to be of help to that friend or neighbor. Highly recommended to all.
August 27, 2010
Why I read this book: I love participating in Pump Up Your Books book tours and when I saw Kathryn Shay's name as one of the authors I really wanted to be a part. I've read at least 3 of her books and enjoyed all of them and thought this book sounded interesting.
How is this book driven: Character all the way - the events are important, but what the characters do and go through is pivotal to the book.
My Thoughts: The Perfect Family is a very impressive endeavor on Ms. Shay's part. She has taken a subject that everyone knows about and most everyone has an opinion on, homosexuality and worked it out from all sides. What would it be like for you as the mother of a son who figures out that he is gay and doesn't want to hide it? What about for the father who is a strong proponent of the Catholic Church?. What about the virile, attractive older brother who is a jock? What about the boy himself and friends and other family members? The amazing thing is Ms. Shay handles this with grace without portraying anyone as a bad guy (well except for a few true bigots in the story). But most of the main characters aren't really sure what they should feel and fall into that gray area that I believe most of us are in.
First I should state I am a Christian, but I found Ms. Shay's book very thought-provoking and eye-opening. I am one of those who truly believes we should love everyone so I really felt for Jaime in this book. I felt for most of the main characters. Ms. Shay did a great job developing the characters so they were multi-dimensional and their struggles felt very real. I honestly felt I was alongside of each one going through the feelings with them. They storyline grabbed me and didn't let me go.
I didn't feel like an agenda was being forced on me with this book either, I really felt it was there as a book to read and enjoy and maybe educate a little on the subject of loving those who are homosexuals and accepting them as part of society, not ostracizing them. It is an absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking book.
The character I could most relate to was obviously the mother, Maggie, as I think most moms and most women can. All she wants is everyone around here to be happy and she thinks she's the key to doing that. What mom or woman doesn't think that? I am struggling with it myself. But the truth is one person cannot make the whole family happy, they all have to work together to do it. I could also see Michael's point-of-view. I am not Catholic, but the Methodist Church shares a lot of the same views, but I love that he was a balance, he struggled and was not a characterization of a heavy-handed Christian. It was a struggle for him to take his beliefs and form them in with his life and the fact that his son was gay.
I just can't say enough about this book. If you enjoy thought-provoking fiction along the lines of Jodi Picoult I think this is a book for you. It's an amazing read and one I found hard to put down.
My Rating: 4.5/5.0
How is this book driven: Character all the way - the events are important, but what the characters do and go through is pivotal to the book.
My Thoughts: The Perfect Family is a very impressive endeavor on Ms. Shay's part. She has taken a subject that everyone knows about and most everyone has an opinion on, homosexuality and worked it out from all sides. What would it be like for you as the mother of a son who figures out that he is gay and doesn't want to hide it? What about for the father who is a strong proponent of the Catholic Church?. What about the virile, attractive older brother who is a jock? What about the boy himself and friends and other family members? The amazing thing is Ms. Shay handles this with grace without portraying anyone as a bad guy (well except for a few true bigots in the story). But most of the main characters aren't really sure what they should feel and fall into that gray area that I believe most of us are in.
First I should state I am a Christian, but I found Ms. Shay's book very thought-provoking and eye-opening. I am one of those who truly believes we should love everyone so I really felt for Jaime in this book. I felt for most of the main characters. Ms. Shay did a great job developing the characters so they were multi-dimensional and their struggles felt very real. I honestly felt I was alongside of each one going through the feelings with them. They storyline grabbed me and didn't let me go.
I didn't feel like an agenda was being forced on me with this book either, I really felt it was there as a book to read and enjoy and maybe educate a little on the subject of loving those who are homosexuals and accepting them as part of society, not ostracizing them. It is an absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking book.
The character I could most relate to was obviously the mother, Maggie, as I think most moms and most women can. All she wants is everyone around here to be happy and she thinks she's the key to doing that. What mom or woman doesn't think that? I am struggling with it myself. But the truth is one person cannot make the whole family happy, they all have to work together to do it. I could also see Michael's point-of-view. I am not Catholic, but the Methodist Church shares a lot of the same views, but I love that he was a balance, he struggled and was not a characterization of a heavy-handed Christian. It was a struggle for him to take his beliefs and form them in with his life and the fact that his son was gay.
I just can't say enough about this book. If you enjoy thought-provoking fiction along the lines of Jodi Picoult I think this is a book for you. It's an amazing read and one I found hard to put down.
My Rating: 4.5/5.0
December 15, 2011
Do you want to cry? Have your heart squeezed tight? Well, this is the book for you! There is no way you can read this book without crying, absolutely no way... at least for me. I started reading this book this morning and could not put it down. I cried on the train, I cried on my conference call (was totally not paying attention), I cried during lunch, I cried on the way home... I have the biggest headache right now O_o
This is the story of a family that had their foundation rocked when the youngest son (Jamie) openly declares his sexual orientation as gay. The father (Mike), a devout Catholic, struggles with this; the mother (Maggie), a psychologist, knows all the right things, but struggles with what this means to her son and family; the older brother (Brian), the star high school athlete, struggles with how this affects him and his standing in school and how it clashes with how his father is raising them as devout Catholics. And most importantly, Jamie... how this declaration affects him personally, his family, his friends and his future.
It is an EXTREMELY emotional story. It hurt to read this family struggling. It also shows how religion can really affect a person's ability to cope with revelations in their lives. Although there was a happy ending, you know there are so many times that there isn't. It hurts the heart to think of all those struggling with no one in their lives to affirm that they will be OK and that living a life of true self is always best and fulfilling.
This family story touched me deeply. There has been no similar circumstance for me, but such is the gift of this author that she made me want to hug this family and tell them they had people on their side.
I highly recommend this book.
This is the story of a family that had their foundation rocked when the youngest son (Jamie) openly declares his sexual orientation as gay. The father (Mike), a devout Catholic, struggles with this; the mother (Maggie), a psychologist, knows all the right things, but struggles with what this means to her son and family; the older brother (Brian), the star high school athlete, struggles with how this affects him and his standing in school and how it clashes with how his father is raising them as devout Catholics. And most importantly, Jamie... how this declaration affects him personally, his family, his friends and his future.
It is an EXTREMELY emotional story. It hurt to read this family struggling. It also shows how religion can really affect a person's ability to cope with revelations in their lives. Although there was a happy ending, you know there are so many times that there isn't. It hurts the heart to think of all those struggling with no one in their lives to affirm that they will be OK and that living a life of true self is always best and fulfilling.
This family story touched me deeply. There has been no similar circumstance for me, but such is the gift of this author that she made me want to hug this family and tell them they had people on their side.
I highly recommend this book.
January 1, 2014
This is a true story about a family (Mom, Dad, sons Brian & Jamie) in a relatively conservative smaller town. Brian is a baseball star, Jamie is in to acting in plays. Dad is a staunch Catholic, following the tenets of his faith strictly. Mom comes from a family where the mother kicked out her sister for dating a married man & later marrying him. She hasn't seen her older sister in many years, has no idea where she lives. This has caused her to question Catholicism as the priest encouraged her parents to disown their daughter. Now, Jamie decides to come out to his family, friends and classmates. He meets another guy on the baseball team who is also secretly gay. They decide come out together because they want their relationship to be equal to their friends who are dating.
Jamie's mom accepts him for who he is, even though she doesn't understand it completely and worries about how others will treat him. Brian has problems accepting that his brother is gay. The Dad is totally upset about what the church will think. His boyfriend's parents are even less accepting.
Very well-written book about how everyone in the families react to news about Jamie being gay. Mom's sister comes back in to her life & it's amazing how some people can't decide to love their own children unless the Church says "it's okay".
Jamie's mom accepts him for who he is, even though she doesn't understand it completely and worries about how others will treat him. Brian has problems accepting that his brother is gay. The Dad is totally upset about what the church will think. His boyfriend's parents are even less accepting.
Very well-written book about how everyone in the families react to news about Jamie being gay. Mom's sister comes back in to her life & it's amazing how some people can't decide to love their own children unless the Church says "it's okay".
August 6, 2010
From My Blog...[return][return]The Perfect Family by Kathryn Shay is a novel based on the Davidson family and what happens within the family when they learn their son is gay. Jamie is 17 years old and believes it is time to inform his family and friends that he is gay. Jamie is looking forward to being able to be himself around those he cares about, yet unprepared for the intense and diverse reactions to his announcement from family and friends alike. The Perfect Family takes a look at how one announcement; a boy speaking the truth, can change an entire family, friends and neighbours. Shay does an excellent job in portraying the differing opinions to Jamie’s announcement and through dialogue, descriptions and realistic characters, the story comes across as an honest look inside one family’s life with a wonderful ending. Thankfully all families are different and some handle the news far better than the Davidson’s initial response. I think The Perfect Family would make for an excellent choice for book discussion groups due to the controversial issues and I would not hesitate to recommend The Perfect Family to any reader.
December 15, 2013
This book feels a bit rough around the edges, especially when it tells instead of shows. On the other hand, it's a fascinating read, about a Catholic family's reaction when their son comes out of the closet.
August 14, 2014
I loved this book, the challenges that religion and religious beliefs versus what is happening in your family throws up. How different male and females react to news that their son is gay. How friends and family struggle to come to terms with how others react towards them.
Great read
Great read
July 19, 2011
Perfect. Utterly perfect. I don't think I've ever read a book that's portrayed the process of a teenage boy coming out to his friends and family that is as real, true and heartfelt as The Prefect Family. There was always something that was just not right with other books. Family accepting things too easily, or not at all. Friends as well. Or the gay teen being too hard on himself, wanting to change. Not so in this one.
Jamie is sixteen years old and has figured things out - he's gay, and he's done hating himself for it. He's ready to come out. His family isn't so ready. Before, they had the "perfect" family. Two teenage sons who got along perfectly, parents that were still happily married. Perfect. But everything gets ripped apart when Jamie tells his secret. Suddenly, things aren't as prefect, cracks are showing in Jamie's family. His father, Mike, still loves Jamie, but his religion makes him believe that homosexuality is a sin. Jamie's older brother Brian is taking his cues from his father, and things are only getting worse when people from school find out and start ragging on him too. Jamie's mother Maggie is the only one Jamie can really turn too... Or is she? What about Luke, Jamie's new boyfriend, who is having troubles with his parent's accepting his sexuality as well.
The characters were so wonderfully written. The Perfect Family offered several different perspectives, making it that much more enjoyable.Each character was inspiring and true and they made the novel what it was. Jamie was certainly my favorite character, but he wasn't the only character I loved. Really, I liked them all, even the characters that were meant to be disliked. I didn't like them because I liked them as people, but for what they brought to the story. It just wouldn't have been as strong of a message if every character was okay with Jamie being gay. There had to be some people who had problems with it, because there is in real life, and the story would have been less without them. Because of these characters, the homophobic ones, the characters got a chance to learn from it and grow as people. Which is exactly what they did. Especially Jamie and Maggie.
Maggie was an exceptional mother, and, aside from my own, I couldn't think of a better mother. She was supportive and loved both her sons no matter what, through everything. Even when Maggie was still trying to sort things out for herself he was there for her boys, particularly Jamie, who needed someone on his side who was okay with who he was and didn't want to change him for it. Like Mike. Mike had the most problems accepting Jamie as is, and at first I didn't really like him for it. He kept telling Jamie that he loved him, and that he always would, and then he'd say that he didn't "get" why Jamie couldn't change. He wanted Jamie to be "normal" and was upset when he realized that it wasn't something Jamie wanted to - or could - change. As Mike is dealing with his acceptance of his son, he also has to deal with his marriage crumbling. Because while Mike is sorting things out, he's making a mistake or two along the way, causing Maggie to distrust him. Their deteriorating marriage was just another thing on the least of what I love because it's so real.
And then there's Brian. Brian is a great big brother and person. He started off that way, anyway. But once he found out that his little brother was gay he got a little off course. Brian couldn't really understand it, but what he did know was that people from school were finding out and were asking him if it ran in the family! Brian had a girlfriend and knew he wasn't, but it was really getting to him. He just wished Jamie would have kept this secret a secret. But he didn't, so he has to deal with it. And he tries. He really does. But then he finds out that his brother is dating a guy on his baseball team - Luke Crane. Soon Luke starts taking hits in the locker room. Brian can't decide if he should defend Luke or not. He doesn't want people to start calling him gay again, but Luke is a good guy and his brother cares a lot for him. One thing's for sure though - no one messes with his little brother!
Aside from Jamie and Maggie, Brian was my favorite character. He grew a lot over the span of a few months, and I hope that he will continue to grow and become more accepting of Jamie. While he often made mistakes and said stupid things, he really was a great big brother.
Before I forget, I want to talk quickly about Luke. I liked his character a lot as well, and his was possibly the most heartbreaking. His parents were truly accepting, particularly his father. And while, again, it is real, and really happens, it is tragic. I don't get why people just can't accept someone for who they are. Do you outcast someone because they like blonds instead of brunettes? No. Then why should you outcast someone because they like guys over girls? Instead, you should celebrate their courage on coming out, and love them for who they are. But, because Luke's family wasn't like that, he was facing his own struggles, and eventually hits his lowest, making for an excellent climax. If not a slightly predictable one. Which is the only not so positive thing I have to say about the entire book.
Crap. This review is getting a wee bit long. So I should probably just shut up, right? I can't help it! I love this book and I have a lot to say about it! Just one more paragraph, I promise!
So, to sum things up. I obviously loved this book. (Even the religious aspect didn't deter me!) It was everything great all wrapped into 264 pages. The Perfect Family was the most heartbreaking and inspiring and wonderful coming out novel I've ever read, and I'd like to see many more like it. (If they could ever live up to this! My standards just went up about twenty notches!) I'd recommend this book to everyone, young or old, boy or girl, gay or straight, or anything in between. I'd especially like to see those who are a little homophobic read this. They just might get a different perspective. I've awarded The Perfect Family 5/5 stars, not for being the perfect family, but for being a perfect read, one I'm sure I'll be rereading soon. I'm looking forward to reading more novels by Kathryn Shaw!
Jamie is sixteen years old and has figured things out - he's gay, and he's done hating himself for it. He's ready to come out. His family isn't so ready. Before, they had the "perfect" family. Two teenage sons who got along perfectly, parents that were still happily married. Perfect. But everything gets ripped apart when Jamie tells his secret. Suddenly, things aren't as prefect, cracks are showing in Jamie's family. His father, Mike, still loves Jamie, but his religion makes him believe that homosexuality is a sin. Jamie's older brother Brian is taking his cues from his father, and things are only getting worse when people from school find out and start ragging on him too. Jamie's mother Maggie is the only one Jamie can really turn too... Or is she? What about Luke, Jamie's new boyfriend, who is having troubles with his parent's accepting his sexuality as well.
The characters were so wonderfully written. The Perfect Family offered several different perspectives, making it that much more enjoyable.Each character was inspiring and true and they made the novel what it was. Jamie was certainly my favorite character, but he wasn't the only character I loved. Really, I liked them all, even the characters that were meant to be disliked. I didn't like them because I liked them as people, but for what they brought to the story. It just wouldn't have been as strong of a message if every character was okay with Jamie being gay. There had to be some people who had problems with it, because there is in real life, and the story would have been less without them. Because of these characters, the homophobic ones, the characters got a chance to learn from it and grow as people. Which is exactly what they did. Especially Jamie and Maggie.
Maggie was an exceptional mother, and, aside from my own, I couldn't think of a better mother. She was supportive and loved both her sons no matter what, through everything. Even when Maggie was still trying to sort things out for herself he was there for her boys, particularly Jamie, who needed someone on his side who was okay with who he was and didn't want to change him for it. Like Mike. Mike had the most problems accepting Jamie as is, and at first I didn't really like him for it. He kept telling Jamie that he loved him, and that he always would, and then he'd say that he didn't "get" why Jamie couldn't change. He wanted Jamie to be "normal" and was upset when he realized that it wasn't something Jamie wanted to - or could - change. As Mike is dealing with his acceptance of his son, he also has to deal with his marriage crumbling. Because while Mike is sorting things out, he's making a mistake or two along the way, causing Maggie to distrust him. Their deteriorating marriage was just another thing on the least of what I love because it's so real.
And then there's Brian. Brian is a great big brother and person. He started off that way, anyway. But once he found out that his little brother was gay he got a little off course. Brian couldn't really understand it, but what he did know was that people from school were finding out and were asking him if it ran in the family! Brian had a girlfriend and knew he wasn't, but it was really getting to him. He just wished Jamie would have kept this secret a secret. But he didn't, so he has to deal with it. And he tries. He really does. But then he finds out that his brother is dating a guy on his baseball team - Luke Crane. Soon Luke starts taking hits in the locker room. Brian can't decide if he should defend Luke or not. He doesn't want people to start calling him gay again, but Luke is a good guy and his brother cares a lot for him. One thing's for sure though - no one messes with his little brother!
Aside from Jamie and Maggie, Brian was my favorite character. He grew a lot over the span of a few months, and I hope that he will continue to grow and become more accepting of Jamie. While he often made mistakes and said stupid things, he really was a great big brother.
Before I forget, I want to talk quickly about Luke. I liked his character a lot as well, and his was possibly the most heartbreaking. His parents were truly accepting, particularly his father. And while, again, it is real, and really happens, it is tragic. I don't get why people just can't accept someone for who they are. Do you outcast someone because they like blonds instead of brunettes? No. Then why should you outcast someone because they like guys over girls? Instead, you should celebrate their courage on coming out, and love them for who they are. But, because Luke's family wasn't like that, he was facing his own struggles, and eventually hits his lowest, making for an excellent climax. If not a slightly predictable one. Which is the only not so positive thing I have to say about the entire book.
Crap. This review is getting a wee bit long. So I should probably just shut up, right? I can't help it! I love this book and I have a lot to say about it! Just one more paragraph, I promise!
So, to sum things up. I obviously loved this book. (Even the religious aspect didn't deter me!) It was everything great all wrapped into 264 pages. The Perfect Family was the most heartbreaking and inspiring and wonderful coming out novel I've ever read, and I'd like to see many more like it. (If they could ever live up to this! My standards just went up about twenty notches!) I'd recommend this book to everyone, young or old, boy or girl, gay or straight, or anything in between. I'd especially like to see those who are a little homophobic read this. They just might get a different perspective. I've awarded The Perfect Family 5/5 stars, not for being the perfect family, but for being a perfect read, one I'm sure I'll be rereading soon. I'm looking forward to reading more novels by Kathryn Shaw!
June 19, 2021
A must read for a parent of a gay child. I am the mother of a gay son . All the emotions the family felt was so true…… we love them & know it’s a hard road. We only want them to be happy & find a partner to spend their life with. I was lucky, I had a priest that had our backs & his.
There has been tears thru the journey…. But we are still a family together!
Thank you Kathryn,
Deborah
There has been tears thru the journey…. But we are still a family together!
Thank you Kathryn,
Deborah
June 5, 2018
Not for the faint of heart
I don't want to say I enjoyed the book. That feels wrong somehow. But I was very impressed. It's so well-written and I got really caught up with the characters. I highly recommend it!
I don't want to say I enjoyed the book. That feels wrong somehow. But I was very impressed. It's so well-written and I got really caught up with the characters. I highly recommend it!
May 23, 2019
I liked this book and the timely plot, but I did think there were too many plot strands which were impossible to develop adequately. The closure on some of the plot strands was hurried and felt contrived. Ms. Shay is a good author, and I do enjoy her books.
July 25, 2021
I am often embarrassed to be a human.
Bigotry to people who don't 'fit' with the 'norm' for sexual orientation infuriates me.
As someone who chooses no religion, catholicism is shown here at it's absolute worst.
I sincerely hope things have changed for the better since this book was written.
Bigotry to people who don't 'fit' with the 'norm' for sexual orientation infuriates me.
As someone who chooses no religion, catholicism is shown here at it's absolute worst.
I sincerely hope things have changed for the better since this book was written.
February 25, 2018
Jamie has a massive secret - he is gay and decides to come out to his family. The fallout of his revelation threatens to tear his family apart.
March 13, 2020
A beautiful story about love and acceptance.
October 15, 2020
Great writing, great story
February 22, 2022
Good book to read to better understand what people go through in the coming-out process.
December 25, 2025
A little too religious for me, but honest.
May 10, 2023
This is the story of a "perfect family" that finds out they're not so perfect when one of the teenage sons comes out as gay. While the mother does her best from the outset to accept her son, the father and older brother struggle. This causes serious complications for the marriage of the parents.
Overall, this was a sensitive portrayal with Shay resisting the pull of inserting over-the-top villains. Everything that happens in the home and community are things that happen regularly. By taking the time to create nuanced characters, a somewhat predictable story still has reading value.
Overall, this was a sensitive portrayal with Shay resisting the pull of inserting over-the-top villains. Everything that happens in the home and community are things that happen regularly. By taking the time to create nuanced characters, a somewhat predictable story still has reading value.
January 4, 2014
After reading MM romance for months now, this was a really interesting detour! I really enjoy reading about the coming out experience for men, but this was the first book I've read that tells about that experience from the rest of the boy's family's point of view.
Maggie and Mike are middle class, church-going, suburban parents with good jobs and settled lives. Their two high school sons, Brian and Jamie, are good students, popular, well-adjusted, and never get into trouble. It is "the perfect family". Maggie had some issues growing up, primarily related to her mother who is cold, controlling, and incapable of feeling or showing love, but she prides herself that she has overcome this, and is a supportive, loving wife and mother.
And then Jamie reveals that he is gay, and he wants to be out not just to his family, but to the world in general.
Maggie is supportive, but it is admittedly a huge shock to her, and the guilt she feels -- wishing Jamie wasn't gay, wishing this didn't happen to her family, resenting him because she is choosing sides within the family to support him -- is understandable and real. Mike is absolutely floored. He is devoutly Catholic, and believes in all the church's teachings and tenets, to the point that he even tries to talk Jamie into reparative therapy at one point. He sees Maggie's support of Jamie to be a violation of his religious beliefs, and therefore, of him as well. And Brian is caught between his desire to support his Jamie and his boyfriend (though he too feels that being gay is sinful, although not to the same extent that his father does), and demands from his coach to be a man and let the locker room homophobic bullying go on.
The book drags a little bit, because all of the conflict is internal, with the characters avoiding one another and a lot of internal monologue. That being said, it was totally believable. Each one of the family faces choices that are potentially self destructive, and they go down these paths. The family comes very close to breaking apart completely. But eventually they do pull back together, and it is clearly because, before everything else, they love each other. The road to acceptance was especially difficult for Mike, because he had to repudiate some of the church's teachings, after feeling he'd built his entire life on them. They come to the end of the school year battered, but intact. No longer so sure that they have the perfect family, but sure of their love for each other and confident of the future. Maggie and Mike retain their faith in God, though Maggie finds another church, and Mike joins a group that is trying to reform the Catholic church from within. I have to admit I was pleased to see that, as so many people seem to think that Christianity and homosexuality are mutually exclusive -- in some ways, this book was a bit like an advertisement for the United Church of Christ (the congregation Maggie ultimately chooses to join)
Overall, I thought this was a great book. I liked that Jamie's point of view was not the dominant one of the book. I loved that there was an HEA, because I could easily have seen this go another way.
My only real complaint was a pet peeve. For some reason, no-one in the book could say more than one syllable of anyone's name. Jame, Mags, Bri. . . People, these are only 2 syllable names, shortening them any further is just really annoying!
Maggie and Mike are middle class, church-going, suburban parents with good jobs and settled lives. Their two high school sons, Brian and Jamie, are good students, popular, well-adjusted, and never get into trouble. It is "the perfect family". Maggie had some issues growing up, primarily related to her mother who is cold, controlling, and incapable of feeling or showing love, but she prides herself that she has overcome this, and is a supportive, loving wife and mother.
And then Jamie reveals that he is gay, and he wants to be out not just to his family, but to the world in general.
Maggie is supportive, but it is admittedly a huge shock to her, and the guilt she feels -- wishing Jamie wasn't gay, wishing this didn't happen to her family, resenting him because she is choosing sides within the family to support him -- is understandable and real. Mike is absolutely floored. He is devoutly Catholic, and believes in all the church's teachings and tenets, to the point that he even tries to talk Jamie into reparative therapy at one point. He sees Maggie's support of Jamie to be a violation of his religious beliefs, and therefore, of him as well. And Brian is caught between his desire to support his Jamie and his boyfriend (though he too feels that being gay is sinful, although not to the same extent that his father does), and demands from his coach to be a man and let the locker room homophobic bullying go on.
The book drags a little bit, because all of the conflict is internal, with the characters avoiding one another and a lot of internal monologue. That being said, it was totally believable. Each one of the family faces choices that are potentially self destructive, and they go down these paths. The family comes very close to breaking apart completely. But eventually they do pull back together, and it is clearly because, before everything else, they love each other. The road to acceptance was especially difficult for Mike, because he had to repudiate some of the church's teachings, after feeling he'd built his entire life on them. They come to the end of the school year battered, but intact. No longer so sure that they have the perfect family, but sure of their love for each other and confident of the future. Maggie and Mike retain their faith in God, though Maggie finds another church, and Mike joins a group that is trying to reform the Catholic church from within. I have to admit I was pleased to see that, as so many people seem to think that Christianity and homosexuality are mutually exclusive -- in some ways, this book was a bit like an advertisement for the United Church of Christ (the congregation Maggie ultimately chooses to join)
Overall, I thought this was a great book. I liked that Jamie's point of view was not the dominant one of the book. I loved that there was an HEA, because I could easily have seen this go another way.
My only real complaint was a pet peeve. For some reason, no-one in the book could say more than one syllable of anyone's name. Jame, Mags, Bri. . . People, these are only 2 syllable names, shortening them any further is just really annoying!
July 30, 2011
This is the coming out story of a teen who lives in what appears to be the perfect family but the coming out throws the family into turmoil and at times it feels like it will never get any better.
Jamie decides that it’s time to tell his parents that he’s gay. He’s known about his sexual orientation for a while but since he never met anyone he wanted to date he kept the information to himself. When he does finally meet someone that he falls for he knows it’s time. But the coming out isn’t anything like he thinks it will be. His mother is in total support of him being who he is but his father has such a hard time because of his religious beliefs. The Catholic Church believe that homosexuality is a choice not something you’re born with and though the dad loves his son he’s not sure how to handle things. The father’s priest tries to help but it seems as though the dad, Mike, gets more confused about how to handle the situation. Then when the brother, Brian, finds out he calls Jamie names and has a hard time dealing with his brother, his family, his teammates and friends at school.
The story gives us a little insight into everyone’s points of view but the mom, Maggie, seems to be the central pov of the story. Maggie’s trying to keep her family together but it’s just so hard because Jamie’s homosexuality seems to affect every single thing they do. Maggie and Mike’s marriage hits the skids and though Brian tries at times to understand his brother he has a really hard time with it.
The book, I think, really showed us some incredible insight into how rough a coming out can be on not only the person who is gay, but their family, friends and community. There is acceptance on some fronts and on others abandonment and hate. It’s a tough road and I think that Ms. Shay covered the issues so well. I especially liked how every part of Jamie’s life was touched upon. We got views from friends, school mates, teachers, counselors, extended family members – it was just very comprehensive and I loved that the story didn’t only focus on the 4 family members.
While not an easy book (emotionally) to read at times it was very good and one I’m glad I read.
Rating: 4 out of 5
This review was originally posted on Book Binge by Tracy.
Jamie decides that it’s time to tell his parents that he’s gay. He’s known about his sexual orientation for a while but since he never met anyone he wanted to date he kept the information to himself. When he does finally meet someone that he falls for he knows it’s time. But the coming out isn’t anything like he thinks it will be. His mother is in total support of him being who he is but his father has such a hard time because of his religious beliefs. The Catholic Church believe that homosexuality is a choice not something you’re born with and though the dad loves his son he’s not sure how to handle things. The father’s priest tries to help but it seems as though the dad, Mike, gets more confused about how to handle the situation. Then when the brother, Brian, finds out he calls Jamie names and has a hard time dealing with his brother, his family, his teammates and friends at school.
The story gives us a little insight into everyone’s points of view but the mom, Maggie, seems to be the central pov of the story. Maggie’s trying to keep her family together but it’s just so hard because Jamie’s homosexuality seems to affect every single thing they do. Maggie and Mike’s marriage hits the skids and though Brian tries at times to understand his brother he has a really hard time with it.
The book, I think, really showed us some incredible insight into how rough a coming out can be on not only the person who is gay, but their family, friends and community. There is acceptance on some fronts and on others abandonment and hate. It’s a tough road and I think that Ms. Shay covered the issues so well. I especially liked how every part of Jamie’s life was touched upon. We got views from friends, school mates, teachers, counselors, extended family members – it was just very comprehensive and I loved that the story didn’t only focus on the 4 family members.
While not an easy book (emotionally) to read at times it was very good and one I’m glad I read.
Rating: 4 out of 5
This review was originally posted on Book Binge by Tracy.
November 22, 2014
A book that grows on you as you get further into the story and stays with you after the end for a while - hence the 4* rating. It is fiction but fueled by events in the authors life.
I found it both simple and complex in terms of the feelings it engendered in me, especially with the institutional indoctrination portrayed by the church - a big red flag for me.
The writing style was clean and the book flowed along at a quick pace. It was more Maggie's tale than either Jamie or Luke's and certainly they as a couple were very much hidden in the background.
The characters are the crux of the story, how they react to Jamie's declaration and each other in the ensuing months. I do feel that without such surrendering of self to the church the problems encountered would have been less severe though not non-existent.
Maggie was the fierce Mama Bear, wanted everything to be right for her family and most especially her boys and was willing to sacrifice all for them. I felt her turmoil was very well portrayed (but after reading the authors afterword, then the reason for that is apparent).
Mike I wanted to shake, rail at, smack - good grief, saying God comes before family, argh!!
Mike's parents, big cheers
Brian I felt had a natural reaction to this, he is a teen so the world does centre around self and he does come round though it is still not easy for him (I was glad Heather gave him a hard time).
Jamie I thought was great, though I did worry that even his natural good humour and outlook would get worn down and was glad he had Maggie and Caroline to support him. I was gald he was able to get some normality to his life - being able to talk about his boyfriend, go on dates, go to prom etc.
Luke was always a worry with his parents and I just wanted to hug him and take him away from them. But glad his mum at least was suuportive in her way.
Father Pete I hated, thoug he was very manipulative and didnt redeem himself in my eyes at all.
Did have to remind myself it is only a story, though some points will have been lived by the author's family and other families.
I found it both simple and complex in terms of the feelings it engendered in me, especially with the institutional indoctrination portrayed by the church - a big red flag for me.
The writing style was clean and the book flowed along at a quick pace. It was more Maggie's tale than either Jamie or Luke's and certainly they as a couple were very much hidden in the background.
The characters are the crux of the story, how they react to Jamie's declaration and each other in the ensuing months. I do feel that without such surrendering of self to the church the problems encountered would have been less severe though not non-existent.
Maggie was the fierce Mama Bear, wanted everything to be right for her family and most especially her boys and was willing to sacrifice all for them. I felt her turmoil was very well portrayed (but after reading the authors afterword, then the reason for that is apparent).
Mike I wanted to shake, rail at, smack - good grief, saying God comes before family, argh!!
Mike's parents, big cheers
Brian I felt had a natural reaction to this, he is a teen so the world does centre around self and he does come round though it is still not easy for him (I was glad Heather gave him a hard time).
Jamie I thought was great, though I did worry that even his natural good humour and outlook would get worn down and was glad he had Maggie and Caroline to support him. I was gald he was able to get some normality to his life - being able to talk about his boyfriend, go on dates, go to prom etc.
Luke was always a worry with his parents and I just wanted to hug him and take him away from them. But glad his mum at least was suuportive in her way.
Father Pete I hated, thoug he was very manipulative and didnt redeem himself in my eyes at all.
Did have to remind myself it is only a story, though some points will have been lived by the author's family and other families.
June 26, 2011
This is one of the best books I've ever read, and I can't fault it for any reason. Kathryn Shay has taken a personal experience in her own family and produced a superb emotional rollercoaster of a novel. More novels should be written this well. The characters, the writing, and the storyline are superb. By way of reader enticement, I'll simply quote ffrom the cover blurb: "Seventeen-year-old Jamie Davidson doesn't think being gay should be such a big deal...until he comes out to this parents and friends." In this masterstroke of writing, the author manages to weave several subplots into her main storyline, and she does it believably and with intense emotional impact on the reader. Warnings: Keep the box of Kleenex handy, and don't start this book if you have other important things to do at the moment because you won't want to put it down. And even if you do, you'll want to come back to it quickly. As with any excellent novel, this one will stay with the reader long after it's over. Any parent who gone through this experience or who has had a friend go through it will immediately empathize. This is one novel where I can honestly say that the cover hype is right on target. There's nothing fake or fake-feeling about any of this. Whether you've been in this situation or not, and regardless of your position the subject, you owe it to yourself to read "The Perfect Family" to understand what gays have to deal with in the world. Pair this niovel with In fact, pair this novel with Traci Hall's "Diary of a Bad Boy" (see my review of that) for a duo of excellent YA reads.
October 10, 2016
The issue of the recognition of gay rights and marriage has caused deep division within church groups and many to question church dogma. The Old Testament rates the “sin” of homosexuality as deserving of punishment by stoning. Only in the last year the province of Alberta removed homosexuality from the list of psychological disorders and Ontario outlawed the practice of conversion therapy. The Law of the land and public opinion are often out of sinc making the act of “coming out” as gay an issue still fraught with emotional turmoil.
The present novel is a coming of age saga of one teen’s attempt to assert his true identity and the grief he suffered along with the consequences to family members. The implication being that the perfect family was less so when it came to offering him their support.
Grandma Lorenzo, Maggie’s mother is totally self-centred--her world revolves around her needs and beliefs to the extreme of driving away her eldest daughter. Jamie’s Brother Brian with whom he was formerly quite close is caught with the reactions of his peers to his brother’s coming out and what all this says about him. Jamie’s father Mike is a staunch Catholic, pillar of the church, caught between his strongly held beliefs and love of his son. Luc, Jamie’s lover is Brian’s team mate whose revelation divides the team. His parents are ultimate homophobes.
Religion has lead to many wars over the centuries both between nations and family members. When one feels one has God on one’s side it’s so easy to forget, “And the greatest of these is Love.”
The present novel is a coming of age saga of one teen’s attempt to assert his true identity and the grief he suffered along with the consequences to family members. The implication being that the perfect family was less so when it came to offering him their support.
Grandma Lorenzo, Maggie’s mother is totally self-centred--her world revolves around her needs and beliefs to the extreme of driving away her eldest daughter. Jamie’s Brother Brian with whom he was formerly quite close is caught with the reactions of his peers to his brother’s coming out and what all this says about him. Jamie’s father Mike is a staunch Catholic, pillar of the church, caught between his strongly held beliefs and love of his son. Luc, Jamie’s lover is Brian’s team mate whose revelation divides the team. His parents are ultimate homophobes.
Religion has lead to many wars over the centuries both between nations and family members. When one feels one has God on one’s side it’s so easy to forget, “And the greatest of these is Love.”
January 31, 2014
I enjoyed this and the subject matter was close to home, too, as my brother was gay. I saw a lot of complaints about the religion in it but it was quite a big feature of this family's upbringing and way of life so there was no way it could have been left out. I'm the least religious person you're ever likely to meet and I managed to cope with it !
It was interesting how they coped with Jamie's announcement each in their own separate ways. I empathised with Brian because I was quite put out when my brother told friends before he told me. He told me that it was easier to tell friends than family and I saw here that Jamie went for family first.
I didn't know what the abbreviation meant and had to Google it for the gay organisation and this seems to be an American thing, they always use abbreviations quite freely but assume everyone else knows what they mean !!I only saw one apostrophe mistake which was rather splendid and no spelling mistakes-bravo !! The only other odd thing I spotted was 'You look worse for the wear' which I'd say should be 'You look the worse for wear'
I did like Mike's remark at one point to his sons-"You're entitled to disagree, not disobey". That was good and sensible parenting.
I'm pleased with the ending in this although they didn't sugarcoat some of the problems kids coming out encounter and probably always will.
It was interesting how they coped with Jamie's announcement each in their own separate ways. I empathised with Brian because I was quite put out when my brother told friends before he told me. He told me that it was easier to tell friends than family and I saw here that Jamie went for family first.
I didn't know what the abbreviation meant and had to Google it for the gay organisation and this seems to be an American thing, they always use abbreviations quite freely but assume everyone else knows what they mean !!I only saw one apostrophe mistake which was rather splendid and no spelling mistakes-bravo !! The only other odd thing I spotted was 'You look worse for the wear' which I'd say should be 'You look the worse for wear'
I did like Mike's remark at one point to his sons-"You're entitled to disagree, not disobey". That was good and sensible parenting.
I'm pleased with the ending in this although they didn't sugarcoat some of the problems kids coming out encounter and probably always will.
December 13, 2013
I made it to page 25 and that was a struggle.i already know that the plot is about a gay teen who comes out to his family.
The dialogue is ridiculous, the glowing physical descriptions of the characters is nauseating, and the characters are completely unrelatable.
Let's talk about the laughable stereotypes for a moment. Gay teen is into theatre, cares about the environment and is, of course, a Mama's boy while the straight teen is a horny, hard partying jock who has all the sensitivity of a rock.
"Brian's room had trophies and sports posters, but Jamie's room was filled with books and sentimental objects." ---this is a paraphrase of the author's descriptions of the brothers' bedrooms. She really seemed to want to hit you over the head with her stereotypical viewpoints.
Then there is the whole religion thing with jock Dad, man of the house, perfect father, upstanding citizen, requiring that his entire family attend church. Meanwhile, Mom sneaks off to attend a Unitarian (gasp!) church. Dad and his church buddies pray for her. Gag!
I laughed at some of the names that were chosen for the teens. Tony, Eric, Heather, Brian, Amber. Those names just aren't used anymore.
I had high hopes for this book, but at least it was free.
The dialogue is ridiculous, the glowing physical descriptions of the characters is nauseating, and the characters are completely unrelatable.
Let's talk about the laughable stereotypes for a moment. Gay teen is into theatre, cares about the environment and is, of course, a Mama's boy while the straight teen is a horny, hard partying jock who has all the sensitivity of a rock.
"Brian's room had trophies and sports posters, but Jamie's room was filled with books and sentimental objects." ---this is a paraphrase of the author's descriptions of the brothers' bedrooms. She really seemed to want to hit you over the head with her stereotypical viewpoints.
Then there is the whole religion thing with jock Dad, man of the house, perfect father, upstanding citizen, requiring that his entire family attend church. Meanwhile, Mom sneaks off to attend a Unitarian (gasp!) church. Dad and his church buddies pray for her. Gag!
I laughed at some of the names that were chosen for the teens. Tony, Eric, Heather, Brian, Amber. Those names just aren't used anymore.
I had high hopes for this book, but at least it was free.
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