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Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child
Are you outwardly successful but inwardly do you feel like a big kid? Do you aspire to be a loving parent but all too often “lose it” in hurtful ways? Do you crave intimacy but sometimes wonder if it’s worth the struggle? Or are you plagued by constant vague feelings of anxiety or depression? If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the hidden but damaging effects of a painful childhood—carrying within you a “wounded inner child” that is crying out for attention and healing. In this powerful book, John Bradshaw shows how we can learn to nurture that inner child, in essence offering ourselves the good parenting we needed and longed for. Through a step-by-step process of exploring the unfinished business of each developmental stage, we can break away from destructive family rules and roles and free ourselves to live responsibly in the present. Then, says Bradshaw, the healed inner child becomes a source of vitality, enabling us to find new joy and energy in living. Homecoming includes a wealth of unique case histories and interactive techniques, including questionnaires, letter-writing to the inner child, guided meditations, and affirmations. Pioneering when introduced, these classic therapies are now being validated by new discoveries in attachment research and neuroscience. No one has ever brought them to a popular audience more effectively and inspiringly than John Bradshaw.
395 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 1984
1866 people are currently reading
9539 people want to read
About the author
John Bradshaw
259 books368 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
John Bradshaw has been called "America's leading personal growth expert." The author of five New York Times bestsellers, Bradshaw On: The Family, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Homecoming, Creating Love, and Family Secrets. He created and hosted four nationally broadcast PBS television series based on his best-selling books. John pioneered the concept of the "Inner Child" and brought the term "dysfunctional family" into the mainstream. He has touched and changed millions of lives through his books, television series, and his lectures and workshops around the country.
During the past twenty-five years he has worked as a counselor, theologian, management consultant, and public speaker, becoming one of the primary figures in the contemporary self-help movement.
John Bradshaw has been called "America's leading personal growth expert." The author of five New York Times bestsellers, Bradshaw On: The Family, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Homecoming, Creating Love, and Family Secrets. He created and hosted four nationally broadcast PBS television series based on his best-selling books. John pioneered the concept of the "Inner Child" and brought the term "dysfunctional family" into the mainstream. He has touched and changed millions of lives through his books, television series, and his lectures and workshops around the country.
During the past twenty-five years he has worked as a counselor, theologian, management consultant, and public speaker, becoming one of the primary figures in the contemporary self-help movement.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 234 reviews
February 21, 2008
this book changed my life. i recommend it to everyone who lived at the mercy of distressed adults (even for the proverbial minute), and/or who grew up uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed and distressed themselves. plus, if you have, or ever had, an addiction or other compulsion (like perfectionism), this is hard-hitting like a velvet hammer and a cuddle hybrid. it just might just take you home.
July 16, 2015
I had mixed reactions to this book. On the one hand, the basic concept (how childhood wounds escalate into adult problems) is incredibly important. However, this book is a product of its time. Among other things, Bradshaw posits that repression causes cancer, and preaches Freud’s theory of psychosexual stages (oral, anal, etc.) which is no longer practiced or taken seriously in psychology. Additionally, many people won’t enjoy the implicit gender role stereotypes that abound in this book. However, a few tears did spring to my eyes while I was reading, so I have to admit it had the desired effect of helping me understand just how deep childhood wounds run. Overall, I’m sure that there are many more up-to-date books that better explain psychoanalytic concepts. There are lots of great points here that rang true, but also a lot of dubious content that went along with it, and I quickly figured out that the best way to read it is to skim through, get the general idea and not fuss too much over the details. 2.5 stars
March 27, 2011
I went to a "Healing the Shame That Binds You" presentation by John Bradshaw back in the early seventies. He spoke to a crowd of just over a thousand people and at times when he was sharing stories of his personal shame scenerios you could literally hear a pin drop. This guy knows how to shed light on those dark painful areas that we hold inside. Reading his books and watching the series he had on PBS years ago changed my life for the better! Thank You John Bradshaw!
January 28, 2021
If you have ever struggled with feeling like you are a fundamentally broken person, even though you have no big trauma in your history, the ideas in this book might finally give you some clarity. Just don't get those ideas from this actual book. Go read about these ideas somewhere else, or even watch YouTube videos about them (I first heard about this book from Patrick Teahan on YouTube, and I recommend watching his videos).
Although the core ideas of this book have the potential to change lives, those ideas are buried under some really problematic writing. He sprinkles some strange vignettes into the book, weird stories about an elf or a wizard, that I think are meant to be emotional but just come off as silly. That is especially true when those vignettes are put side-by-side with really heart-rending anecdotes of childhood trauma and recovery.
He also speaks as if everything he says is a fact. The reality though is that much of what he writes is based on anecdotes, his own personal experiences, and outdated psychology (like Freud's defunct psycho-sexual stages). The way I put it to a friend is that the work this book is asking you to do is really valid and useful, but the theories underlining it make no sense at all. He spends an uncomfortable amount of time in this book talking about how if you like people's butts (in a sexual way) that this has deep psychological significance and meaning when it comes to connecting to your wounded inner child. He doesn't talk about the fetishization of any other body part this way though (such as the fetishization of women's breasts), which just makes that part of the book feel even more out of place, and more about him than the reader.
My guess is that the emotional and intuitive process of connecting to the inner child came to him first. Maybe he saw great success in telling clients to write letters to their wounded inner child, or he saw traction talking with clients about how their parents might not have been abusive in the legal sense but still might have caused harm. Then when he had to explain this process to colleagues and therapists he tried to attach some theories almost as an after-thought.
If you do decide to give this book a chance, I would suggest you focus on WHAT the book is telling you to do and not WHY the book is telling you to do it. That is where the real meat of this book can be found.
Finally, the author does try to be inclusive by talking about homosexual people in a validating way. But he is really stuck in the way he views gender roles in a way that may put off people who view traditional gender roles as problematic, or anyone who is trans or non-binary. Honestly I think this is more because this book (and the author) are older, rather than due to anything malicious on the part of the author. It is just something to keep in mind if these are sensitive issues for you.
Although the core ideas of this book have the potential to change lives, those ideas are buried under some really problematic writing. He sprinkles some strange vignettes into the book, weird stories about an elf or a wizard, that I think are meant to be emotional but just come off as silly. That is especially true when those vignettes are put side-by-side with really heart-rending anecdotes of childhood trauma and recovery.
He also speaks as if everything he says is a fact. The reality though is that much of what he writes is based on anecdotes, his own personal experiences, and outdated psychology (like Freud's defunct psycho-sexual stages). The way I put it to a friend is that the work this book is asking you to do is really valid and useful, but the theories underlining it make no sense at all. He spends an uncomfortable amount of time in this book talking about how if you like people's butts (in a sexual way) that this has deep psychological significance and meaning when it comes to connecting to your wounded inner child. He doesn't talk about the fetishization of any other body part this way though (such as the fetishization of women's breasts), which just makes that part of the book feel even more out of place, and more about him than the reader.
My guess is that the emotional and intuitive process of connecting to the inner child came to him first. Maybe he saw great success in telling clients to write letters to their wounded inner child, or he saw traction talking with clients about how their parents might not have been abusive in the legal sense but still might have caused harm. Then when he had to explain this process to colleagues and therapists he tried to attach some theories almost as an after-thought.
If you do decide to give this book a chance, I would suggest you focus on WHAT the book is telling you to do and not WHY the book is telling you to do it. That is where the real meat of this book can be found.
Finally, the author does try to be inclusive by talking about homosexual people in a validating way. But he is really stuck in the way he views gender roles in a way that may put off people who view traditional gender roles as problematic, or anyone who is trans or non-binary. Honestly I think this is more because this book (and the author) are older, rather than due to anything malicious on the part of the author. It is just something to keep in mind if these are sensitive issues for you.
June 9, 2020
I usually hate self-help books, but my therapist recommended this book to me to help me cope with ongoing issues of being the adult child of both an alcoholic and an enabler. I do not exaggerate when I say this book changed my life. The exercises the book has take you step-by-step through different stages of your life in order to re-parent yourself. I have never so deeply analyzed my habits and deep seated ways of thinking. I sobbed, I mourned, and I walked out a more powerful version of myself. I highly recommend this book. I do caution that you may not want to read it by yourself depending on the level of trauma you dealt with as a child. I read this over a period of six months while regularly visiting a therapist to check in. I also had an amazing support system made up of my husband and a best friend who were familiar with my past and what I hoped to overcome. This book is such a powerful tool and will truly help you on the road to healing. The work is difficult and emotional but the results are fantastic.
November 25, 2021
While I prefer Healing the shame that binds you, home coming is the most thorough inner child reclamation book I’ve yet to read.
Some standouts:
- the wonder child is the pre-wounded inner child - our truest form where creativity, safety, play comes from, however it isn’t to be idealized or exist w/o the actualization of ourselves as a mature adult
- reuniting w the wonder child can cause an energetic emergence disrupting the old order (ex: successful attorney quits to open a vet practice, a long deferred dream that looks crazy to others)
- the once powerless wounded child can become the offender adult if not healed
- physical, sexual and severe emotional battering can result in the child losing their own identity, instead identifying with the offender (seen in survivor of nazi concentration camps)
- children are not fully capable of taking on another’s pov and are egocentric as a defense to get early childhood needs met
- if parents refuse to take responsibly for their own inner child or healing journey, a healthy reminder: you didn’t come into this world to take care of your parents
- forgiveness through this inter generational work heals Shame and allows for a healthier external relationship (or distance) from this family
- when you feel concerned someone dislikes you, consider: do you even like them? Give your inner child permission to ask lots of questions vs mind read
- identify your desires by identifying substitute behaviors (ex: telling lies if you want to express anger etc )
- feeling rackets - feeling something that’s better received biting the original true emotion (ex crying and feeling sad instead of angry if your parents thought anger was unacceptable from you)
- rage is pent up anger and needs to be expressed under therapeutic circumstances since it can be toxic to the self when not expressed and others when it is, on the other side is the possibility of a healthy anger response
- free your imagination by writing what if statements regularly to reunite with squashed desires
Some standouts:
- the wonder child is the pre-wounded inner child - our truest form where creativity, safety, play comes from, however it isn’t to be idealized or exist w/o the actualization of ourselves as a mature adult
- reuniting w the wonder child can cause an energetic emergence disrupting the old order (ex: successful attorney quits to open a vet practice, a long deferred dream that looks crazy to others)
- the once powerless wounded child can become the offender adult if not healed
- physical, sexual and severe emotional battering can result in the child losing their own identity, instead identifying with the offender (seen in survivor of nazi concentration camps)
- children are not fully capable of taking on another’s pov and are egocentric as a defense to get early childhood needs met
- if parents refuse to take responsibly for their own inner child or healing journey, a healthy reminder: you didn’t come into this world to take care of your parents
- forgiveness through this inter generational work heals Shame and allows for a healthier external relationship (or distance) from this family
- when you feel concerned someone dislikes you, consider: do you even like them? Give your inner child permission to ask lots of questions vs mind read
- identify your desires by identifying substitute behaviors (ex: telling lies if you want to express anger etc )
- feeling rackets - feeling something that’s better received biting the original true emotion (ex crying and feeling sad instead of angry if your parents thought anger was unacceptable from you)
- rage is pent up anger and needs to be expressed under therapeutic circumstances since it can be toxic to the self when not expressed and others when it is, on the other side is the possibility of a healthy anger response
- free your imagination by writing what if statements regularly to reunite with squashed desires
June 19, 2009
This book has some very fascinating information, if you can suspend your cynicism long enough to get into it. I greatly enjoyed reading the first half and felt like the author knew my exact situation because of the scarily accurate "diagnosis" he gave. But once I got to the exercises, I lost interest. I'd like to know how to heal my inner child without having to do weird meditations, thank you. Actually, I'm not sure I believe in the whole concept of an inner child, I thought it was kind of hokey. But it does give Bradshaw an easy way to explain what's wrong with you. I'm interested in reading his other books, but meditating and inviting my inner child to come home and live with me is too "out there" for my taste.
January 1, 2009
This book is very near and dear to me as it was the 1st book I read at 18 after giving birth and beginning my journey of healing and self-discovery.
October 23, 2019
THE best book I have come across for inner child work. Absolutely life changing
August 21, 2021
3.75
Cuốn sách dành cho bạn nào nghiêm túc đi vào hành trình nhìn nhận và chữa lành đứa trẻ bên trong.
Những kiến thức, bài tập, trải nghiệm, hoạt động để khám phá quá khứ mình nghĩ là đủ hay để có thể bắt đầu thực hành. Mỗi giai đoạn trưởng thành đều có bài tập tương ứng, nên mình thấy người đọc có thể tìm thấy bản thân ở bất kì giai đoạn nào.
Lý thuyết trong sách cũng hay, tuy vậy mình thấy sách được viết hơi hơi lâu rồi nên có thể không còn tính cập nhật và phù hợp với tất cả mọi người. Sách cũng có phần dài, lặp lại nên sẽ làm cho nhiều bạn đọc cảm thấy hơi nản.
Cùng chủ đề này có thêm cuốn Thiền sư và em bé 5 tuổi của thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh, các bạn có thể tham khảo. Tìm được sách hay hơn, cùng chủ đề thì mình sẽ update nhe.
Cuốn sách dành cho bạn nào nghiêm túc đi vào hành trình nhìn nhận và chữa lành đứa trẻ bên trong.
Những kiến thức, bài tập, trải nghiệm, hoạt động để khám phá quá khứ mình nghĩ là đủ hay để có thể bắt đầu thực hành. Mỗi giai đoạn trưởng thành đều có bài tập tương ứng, nên mình thấy người đọc có thể tìm thấy bản thân ở bất kì giai đoạn nào.
Lý thuyết trong sách cũng hay, tuy vậy mình thấy sách được viết hơi hơi lâu rồi nên có thể không còn tính cập nhật và phù hợp với tất cả mọi người. Sách cũng có phần dài, lặp lại nên sẽ làm cho nhiều bạn đọc cảm thấy hơi nản.
Cùng chủ đề này có thêm cuốn Thiền sư và em bé 5 tuổi của thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh, các bạn có thể tham khảo. Tìm được sách hay hơn, cùng chủ đề thì mình sẽ update nhe.
May 13, 2009
This book wasn't helpful for me but I have a friend is growing a lot from her work with this book.
June 6, 2024
Originally published in 1990, "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child," by John Bradshaw, is a seminal work of therapeutic self-help.
I finished this book in December 2023 or January 2024, and it was such a challenging, difficult read that I kept putting off writing a review for it.
Here I am, in June of 2024, deciding that today is finally the day I mark this book as 'read' and rate it five stars.
I discovered John Bradshaw's work through Patrick Teahan's YouTube channel for survivors of childhood trauma. As a licensed therapist, Teahan states that he often has his clients read the first four chapters of this book as a homework assignment at the beginning of starting therapy with him.
I read Bradshaw's other seminal work, "Healing the Shame that Binds You," right before I read "Homecoming." Both books are incredibly difficult, emotionally challenging reads. I think "Homecoming" was more difficult for me than "Healing the Shame that Binds You."
The content of this book gets *dark* -- there is a lot of heavy stuff in this book. It's healing quality has a lot to do with how much Bradshaw's work 'normalizes' the most severe and traumatizing parental abuses.
It took a lot of energy to read this book. Sometimes I could only read a page or two at a time, and then I'd need a long break.
I really benefit from authors and researchers who don't hesitate to tackle these subjects, and can do so in the most normalizing way, as Bradshaw does in his work.
Books can go places that a YouTuber cannot. The therapeutic impact of reading Bradshaw's work is so much more potent than listening to people discuss it, however adept they are at drawing out his points in the most public-consumption-friendly way.
I know I'll need to reread "Homecoming" at some point in the future. But just getting through it once felt like a lot.
I can see why it's better to read this book while in therapy, so you have someone to help you process the content. Because reading it solo is like scaling a mountain all by yourself. Sure, you can do it. But it's a lot harder to go it alone.
I'm still glad I read this. But it was not a fun read whatsoever.
Five stars.
I finished this book in December 2023 or January 2024, and it was such a challenging, difficult read that I kept putting off writing a review for it.
Here I am, in June of 2024, deciding that today is finally the day I mark this book as 'read' and rate it five stars.
I discovered John Bradshaw's work through Patrick Teahan's YouTube channel for survivors of childhood trauma. As a licensed therapist, Teahan states that he often has his clients read the first four chapters of this book as a homework assignment at the beginning of starting therapy with him.
I read Bradshaw's other seminal work, "Healing the Shame that Binds You," right before I read "Homecoming." Both books are incredibly difficult, emotionally challenging reads. I think "Homecoming" was more difficult for me than "Healing the Shame that Binds You."
The content of this book gets *dark* -- there is a lot of heavy stuff in this book. It's healing quality has a lot to do with how much Bradshaw's work 'normalizes' the most severe and traumatizing parental abuses.
It took a lot of energy to read this book. Sometimes I could only read a page or two at a time, and then I'd need a long break.
I really benefit from authors and researchers who don't hesitate to tackle these subjects, and can do so in the most normalizing way, as Bradshaw does in his work.
Books can go places that a YouTuber cannot. The therapeutic impact of reading Bradshaw's work is so much more potent than listening to people discuss it, however adept they are at drawing out his points in the most public-consumption-friendly way.
I know I'll need to reread "Homecoming" at some point in the future. But just getting through it once felt like a lot.
I can see why it's better to read this book while in therapy, so you have someone to help you process the content. Because reading it solo is like scaling a mountain all by yourself. Sure, you can do it. But it's a lot harder to go it alone.
I'm still glad I read this. But it was not a fun read whatsoever.
Five stars.
June 5, 2021
Phù hợp, kiên nhẫn và cố gắng là 3 từ mà mình nghĩ ngay đến sau khi đọc xong em sách này.
Homecoming: Hồi sinh đứa trẻ bên trong bạn khai thác một chủ đề rất hay. Nếu đã từng đọc Tìm mình trong thế giới hậu tuổi thơ của bác Đặng Hoàng Giang, bạn có lẽ cũng cảm nhận được những di chứng kéo dài của những tuổi thơ không êm ả. Vậy nên mình đã rất háo hức khi đọc Homecoming. Mở đầu, em sách này cho mình cảm giác rõ ràng và hữu ích, như việc bạn có thể thông qua bảng câu hỏi để đánh giá xem "đứa trẻ bên trong" mình có đang bị tổn thương hay không, để từ đó đi đến từng giai đoạn phát triển: sơ sinh - chập chững biết đi - độ tuổi mẫu giáo - tuổi đi học. Nhưng càng đọc, mình càng không thể tổng hợp được tác giả viết về cái gì. Các dẫn chứn rất lan man và dài dòng, không có chốt lại và không biết đưa mình tới đâu. Có lẽ phần nhiều do mình không có "đứa trẻ bên trong" bị tổn thương, nên dù đã cố gắng, vẫn không thể đi sâu và cảm thấy đồng cảm với những điều tác giả viết.
Ngoi lên Goodreads thấy cuốn này được nhiều đánh giá cao. Mình nghĩ có lẽ do mình không phù hợp. Nếu bạn đã từng bị tổn thương và cần chữa lành, hoặc bạn là một healer, cuốn sách này có lẽ sẽ có ích với bạn. Hoặc bạn có thể tìm đọc những sách khác cùng chủ đề mà nội dung dễ nắm bắt hơn.
Homecoming: Hồi sinh đứa trẻ bên trong bạn khai thác một chủ đề rất hay. Nếu đã từng đọc Tìm mình trong thế giới hậu tuổi thơ của bác Đặng Hoàng Giang, bạn có lẽ cũng cảm nhận được những di chứng kéo dài của những tuổi thơ không êm ả. Vậy nên mình đã rất háo hức khi đọc Homecoming. Mở đầu, em sách này cho mình cảm giác rõ ràng và hữu ích, như việc bạn có thể thông qua bảng câu hỏi để đánh giá xem "đứa trẻ bên trong" mình có đang bị tổn thương hay không, để từ đó đi đến từng giai đoạn phát triển: sơ sinh - chập chững biết đi - độ tuổi mẫu giáo - tuổi đi học. Nhưng càng đọc, mình càng không thể tổng hợp được tác giả viết về cái gì. Các dẫn chứn rất lan man và dài dòng, không có chốt lại và không biết đưa mình tới đâu. Có lẽ phần nhiều do mình không có "đứa trẻ bên trong" bị tổn thương, nên dù đã cố gắng, vẫn không thể đi sâu và cảm thấy đồng cảm với những điều tác giả viết.
Ngoi lên Goodreads thấy cuốn này được nhiều đánh giá cao. Mình nghĩ có lẽ do mình không phù hợp. Nếu bạn đã từng bị tổn thương và cần chữa lành, hoặc bạn là một healer, cuốn sách này có lẽ sẽ có ích với bạn. Hoặc bạn có thể tìm đọc những sách khác cùng chủ đề mà nội dung dễ nắm bắt hơn.
December 31, 2020
A personal triumph to have started, to have persevered through the difficult tasks presented throughout this text and to have eventually finished it. I am proud of myself - words I’ve had trouble saying in the past.
This books is something which benefits from reading in a group, with a reading partner, or under the guidance of a therapist. In my case a combo of the above.
It took me nearly five years to read this book...to do the hard work. It takes time and patience with yourself to really heal, to not set time limits or unreasonable expectations...to do the grief work and to rebuild...I am worth the effort it took to face the truth and to find ways to heal.
Also the best quote included by Bradshaw from another source - Nietzsche, “I could only believe in a god who dances.” 🤘🏻
This books is something which benefits from reading in a group, with a reading partner, or under the guidance of a therapist. In my case a combo of the above.
It took me nearly five years to read this book...to do the hard work. It takes time and patience with yourself to really heal, to not set time limits or unreasonable expectations...to do the grief work and to rebuild...I am worth the effort it took to face the truth and to find ways to heal.
Also the best quote included by Bradshaw from another source - Nietzsche, “I could only believe in a god who dances.” 🤘🏻
June 17, 2019
Didn't read the book but watched the 10-hour long 10-part series that aired on PBS several years ago, which was the basis of this book.
Totally recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Probably better than the book because the series showed clips of actual sessions and meditation sound tracks to actually do the exercises -- which I am not sure but I guess would probably be missing from the book. Reading his other book on family system, and definitely the format of the TV series is much better than the book for such a material.
Totally recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Probably better than the book because the series showed clips of actual sessions and meditation sound tracks to actually do the exercises -- which I am not sure but I guess would probably be missing from the book. Reading his other book on family system, and definitely the format of the TV series is much better than the book for such a material.
September 18, 2018
DNF at 85%.
I tried so hard to finish this book, but it just didn’t hold my interest. There’s some good stuff (I highlighted several passages to refer back to), but the rest is very repetitive and hokey.
I tried so hard to finish this book, but it just didn’t hold my interest. There’s some good stuff (I highlighted several passages to refer back to), but the rest is very repetitive and hokey.
February 2, 2021
Being raped as a child, I needed more than therapy, this book gave me many tools and strength. I understand myself better and am moving forward. This book was a gift from a friend, what a wonderful friend I have.
June 30, 2023
To accept our vulnerability is to be courageous. Bradshaw himself had a lot of emotional pain and he has figured out that by being honest about our feelings, it is possible to resolve past emotional pain!
May 7, 2019
This book is short, and really hits home, hard. I want more of it. I will need to go back to it and the exercises again and again, and hopefully develop a better relationship with my inner child.
June 20, 2023
a great tool for anyone healing from childhood trauma and wanting to take care of their deepest self 🫶🏻
January 12, 2025
This book changed my life. I recommend it to anyone who had childhood trauma. Rip to my king John 😭🙏😮💨
February 7, 2024
Una manera interesante de abordar un problema que tenemos todos, que son los traumas de la infancia. Tiene muchas partes prácticas que supongo tienen que hacerse para buscar la sanación de estos individuos interiores.
Definitivamente no para cualquier perfil de personas, pero si para los que buscan sanar de alguna manera.
Definitivamente no para cualquier perfil de personas, pero si para los que buscan sanar de alguna manera.
May 27, 2021
I’ve been doing inner child work for over two years now, but what I loved about this book was how it breaks down childhood into stages, making really clear what the main healthy growth points of each stage are, and what you might have missed, even including specialized affirmations for each stage. I realized that the *infant* stage was the stage that evoked the most grief in me, which was such a helpful pointer to continue my work there.
I love also that Bradshaw emphasizes the importance of this “original pain work” (aka grieving) before we can just suddenly magically have access to our wonder child.
I also loved the last part of the book, in which Bradshaw details the archetypal implications of the wonder child, and how we can see our journey as mythical as a way to enhance our healing.
I found the organization in this book a bit wandery at times (sometimes I’d find myself reading a passage and wondering why it was in the section it was in), but the content was so resonant, important, and beautiful that I still give this book five stars. I’m so, so grateful to have found it. 💚
I love also that Bradshaw emphasizes the importance of this “original pain work” (aka grieving) before we can just suddenly magically have access to our wonder child.
I also loved the last part of the book, in which Bradshaw details the archetypal implications of the wonder child, and how we can see our journey as mythical as a way to enhance our healing.
I found the organization in this book a bit wandery at times (sometimes I’d find myself reading a passage and wondering why it was in the section it was in), but the content was so resonant, important, and beautiful that I still give this book five stars. I’m so, so grateful to have found it. 💚
May 27, 2020
I cannot think of a person who would not benefit from reading this book or starting this journey. It will be a long long road for some, but this is life-changing.
Learning about the inner child was kind of a slap on the face, because I felt that after all these years, I still don't know most of what makes me Me! How could that be!
You might have gone through a normal, balanced, and happy childhood, like I did (Thank God), but you will still be surprised of all the things you will learn about yourself when you interpret your actions and childhood memories and connect the dots.
Don't expect a sudden change in thoughts, feelings, or behavior when you are done with thia book. This journey is a way of life and this book can be considered as the first step. You owe it to yourself ❤️, and the family you might create in the future..
5 stars are not enough.
Learning about the inner child was kind of a slap on the face, because I felt that after all these years, I still don't know most of what makes me Me! How could that be!
You might have gone through a normal, balanced, and happy childhood, like I did (Thank God), but you will still be surprised of all the things you will learn about yourself when you interpret your actions and childhood memories and connect the dots.
Don't expect a sudden change in thoughts, feelings, or behavior when you are done with thia book. This journey is a way of life and this book can be considered as the first step. You owe it to yourself ❤️, and the family you might create in the future..
5 stars are not enough.
October 27, 2023
The first half of this book is great. I found Bradshaw's explanation of codependency and developmental stages very helpful. He has a gift for wrapping language around the experience of children who grow up in a dysfunctional family and releasing adults from that shame and reactivity expressed in trust issues, addictions, thought distortions, and more. It helped me understand my own family of origin. While this book is dated and some of the exercises are "odd," I still came away with some great notes.
June 21, 2021
DNF at about 65%. I'm interested in the idea of the inner child and doing inner child work, and this book puts forward some interesting ideas, but it's very outdated (especially in its language - for example, the author uses "he" throughout to refer to any person - and also following some of Freud's ideas of psychology) and quite dry to read.
January 30, 2020
Interesting stuff.
April 10, 2025
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child was overall a wonderful book to help people understand how your inner child was wounded and how these wounds negatively affect your adult life, as well as some exercises and steps to heal your inner child. First, you begin with understanding and then you move into meditations, letters and other activities to strengthen your relationship with your inner child.
The Book has 4 parts:
Part 1: 'how your wonder child lost his wonder and how the wounds sustained in childhood continue to contaminate your life'
Part 2: 'each of your childhood developmental stages, showing what you needed in order to grow in a healthy way. Questionnaire included to help you determine whether your inner child's needs were met during a specific stage. I will help you reclaim your child at each stage"
Part 3: 'specific corrective exercises to help your child grow and flourish; get other adults to meet some of your inner child's needs; build protective boundaries for your inner child as you work on intimacy in your relationships. This shows you how you can be the nurturing parent you never had in childhood. When you learn how to re-parent yourself, you stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents.'
Part 4: 'how your wonder child emerges as the wounded child is healed. How to access your wonder child, and see the most creative and transformative energy you possess.' (xv)
Good Excerpts from the book
"You must do the work suggested if you want to experience change. It is up to the adult part of you to decide to do this work." (xiv)
15: Acting In
"Acting out on ourselves from the abuse from the past is called 'acting in'. We punish ourselves in the way we were punished in childhood. I know a man who abuses himself whenever he makes a mistake. He criticizes himself... Unresolved emotion from the past is often turned against the self. Joe, for example, was never allowed to express anger when he was a child. He felt great anger at his mother because she never allowed him to do anything himself... He had been taught to be perfectly obedient and that to express anger was sinful. Joe turned his anger inward, against himself. As a result, he felt depressed, apathetic, inept, and powerless to achieve his life goals. Emotional energy that is acted in can cause severe physical problems including gastrointestinal disorders, headaches, backaches, neck aches, severe muscle tension, arthritis, asthma, heart attacks, and cancer."
85: Good Mothering
For a mother to do her job well, she needs to be in touch with her own sense of I AMness. She has to love herself, which means that she accepts every part of herself as okay. She needs especially to accept her body and be relaxed with it. A mother cannot give her child a sense of physical well-being if she herself has no sense of it. Nor can she give her child a sense of confidence in his own instincts if she is not relaxed with her own. Erich Fromm described how an anti-life orientation in a mother will make her child afraid of life, especially the instinctual life of the body."
102: "There is a true helping, however. It involves letting other people be who they are, letting them have their own feelings and acknowledging those feelings when they are having them. Such acknowledgement can be expressed as: "I see and hear you, and I value you just as you are. I accept and respect your reality."
193: Anger
"Your inner child also needs to learn the difference between expressing a feeling and acting on a feeling. For example, anger is a perfectly valid feeling. It signals that a violation of our basic needs or rights has occurred or is about to occur. Expressing anger is valid in this situation, but it is not valid to hit, curse, scream or destroy property."
209: New Family
"Championing your inner child involves getting him a new family of choice. A new family is necessary in order to give your child protection while he is forming new boundaries and doing his corrective learning. If your family of origin is not in recovery, it is almost impossible to get support from them while you're in your own recovery process. Often they think what you're doing is stupid and they shame you for it. Often they are threatened by your doing this work, because as you give up your old family roles, you disrupt the equilibrium of the family system. You were never allowed to be yourself before. Why would they suddenly start allowing that now? ... Work on finding a new, nonshaming, supportive family. This could be a support group of friends, the group you joined to work on your inner child, etc. I urge you to find a group - you are the champion for your inner child."
243: Incompletion
"Your wounded inner child often wants what he wants when he wants it. He thinks his way is the only right way... Children will cooperate if given the chance to experience the fruits of compromise. Most of our wounded inner kids have never seen a conflict resolved in a healthy way. The rule of incompletion dominates dysfunctional, shame-based families. Incompletion means the same fights go on for years."
Didn't Like
-The meditations (for each stage) were too much for me - not easy to read aloud or do yourself. This was a personal thing. Other people may find them helpful which is great; they just weren't for me.
-You can tell this book is a little old.. the author uses "he" to describe the reader or any person rather than "they" or a mix of 'he'/'she'.
-Didn't like the religious components. The author isn't super pushy with religion or anything, but I still didn't like it.
-Last 30 pages got boring (the 'Regeneration' section)
-Author didn't have the spiritual answers. Since this book was written many years ago, I'm sure he's gotten more answers since then. (I wish I remember which page(s) made me write this comment, but I can't remember now).
Summary of Pages I Liked
"xv: good summary"
"8: other's worth"
"15: acting in"
"51: Parable - The Almost Tragic Story of a Tender Elf"
"85: good mothering, 3rd paragraph"
"91-92: exercise - letter"
"102: 2nd paragraph"
"176-177: exercise - letter to child"
"193: anger"
"197: relationships" *
"209: finding a new family"
"221: kid activities"
"226: guilt, anger"
"240-241: school kid exercises"
"243: incompletion"
"272: trauma"
I would (and have) recommend(ed) this book to others. It's an excellent resource for starting to understand and deal with childhood issues and work on being happier and healthier as an adult.
The Book has 4 parts:
Part 1: 'how your wonder child lost his wonder and how the wounds sustained in childhood continue to contaminate your life'
Part 2: 'each of your childhood developmental stages, showing what you needed in order to grow in a healthy way. Questionnaire included to help you determine whether your inner child's needs were met during a specific stage. I will help you reclaim your child at each stage"
Part 3: 'specific corrective exercises to help your child grow and flourish; get other adults to meet some of your inner child's needs; build protective boundaries for your inner child as you work on intimacy in your relationships. This shows you how you can be the nurturing parent you never had in childhood. When you learn how to re-parent yourself, you stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents.'
Part 4: 'how your wonder child emerges as the wounded child is healed. How to access your wonder child, and see the most creative and transformative energy you possess.' (xv)
Good Excerpts from the book
"You must do the work suggested if you want to experience change. It is up to the adult part of you to decide to do this work." (xiv)
15: Acting In
"Acting out on ourselves from the abuse from the past is called 'acting in'. We punish ourselves in the way we were punished in childhood. I know a man who abuses himself whenever he makes a mistake. He criticizes himself... Unresolved emotion from the past is often turned against the self. Joe, for example, was never allowed to express anger when he was a child. He felt great anger at his mother because she never allowed him to do anything himself... He had been taught to be perfectly obedient and that to express anger was sinful. Joe turned his anger inward, against himself. As a result, he felt depressed, apathetic, inept, and powerless to achieve his life goals. Emotional energy that is acted in can cause severe physical problems including gastrointestinal disorders, headaches, backaches, neck aches, severe muscle tension, arthritis, asthma, heart attacks, and cancer."
85: Good Mothering
For a mother to do her job well, she needs to be in touch with her own sense of I AMness. She has to love herself, which means that she accepts every part of herself as okay. She needs especially to accept her body and be relaxed with it. A mother cannot give her child a sense of physical well-being if she herself has no sense of it. Nor can she give her child a sense of confidence in his own instincts if she is not relaxed with her own. Erich Fromm described how an anti-life orientation in a mother will make her child afraid of life, especially the instinctual life of the body."
102: "There is a true helping, however. It involves letting other people be who they are, letting them have their own feelings and acknowledging those feelings when they are having them. Such acknowledgement can be expressed as: "I see and hear you, and I value you just as you are. I accept and respect your reality."
193: Anger
"Your inner child also needs to learn the difference between expressing a feeling and acting on a feeling. For example, anger is a perfectly valid feeling. It signals that a violation of our basic needs or rights has occurred or is about to occur. Expressing anger is valid in this situation, but it is not valid to hit, curse, scream or destroy property."
209: New Family
"Championing your inner child involves getting him a new family of choice. A new family is necessary in order to give your child protection while he is forming new boundaries and doing his corrective learning. If your family of origin is not in recovery, it is almost impossible to get support from them while you're in your own recovery process. Often they think what you're doing is stupid and they shame you for it. Often they are threatened by your doing this work, because as you give up your old family roles, you disrupt the equilibrium of the family system. You were never allowed to be yourself before. Why would they suddenly start allowing that now? ... Work on finding a new, nonshaming, supportive family. This could be a support group of friends, the group you joined to work on your inner child, etc. I urge you to find a group - you are the champion for your inner child."
243: Incompletion
"Your wounded inner child often wants what he wants when he wants it. He thinks his way is the only right way... Children will cooperate if given the chance to experience the fruits of compromise. Most of our wounded inner kids have never seen a conflict resolved in a healthy way. The rule of incompletion dominates dysfunctional, shame-based families. Incompletion means the same fights go on for years."
Didn't Like
-The meditations (for each stage) were too much for me - not easy to read aloud or do yourself. This was a personal thing. Other people may find them helpful which is great; they just weren't for me.
-You can tell this book is a little old.. the author uses "he" to describe the reader or any person rather than "they" or a mix of 'he'/'she'.
-Didn't like the religious components. The author isn't super pushy with religion or anything, but I still didn't like it.
-Last 30 pages got boring (the 'Regeneration' section)
-Author didn't have the spiritual answers. Since this book was written many years ago, I'm sure he's gotten more answers since then. (I wish I remember which page(s) made me write this comment, but I can't remember now).
Summary of Pages I Liked
"xv: good summary"
"8: other's worth"
"15: acting in"
"51: Parable - The Almost Tragic Story of a Tender Elf"
"85: good mothering, 3rd paragraph"
"91-92: exercise - letter"
"102: 2nd paragraph"
"176-177: exercise - letter to child"
"193: anger"
"197: relationships" *
"209: finding a new family"
"221: kid activities"
"226: guilt, anger"
"240-241: school kid exercises"
"243: incompletion"
"272: trauma"
I would (and have) recommend(ed) this book to others. It's an excellent resource for starting to understand and deal with childhood issues and work on being happier and healthier as an adult.
April 20, 2025
Jeszcze niecały rok temu, kiedy pierwszy raz zaczęłam czytać tę książkę oceniłabym ją na 3/5. Nie byłam na nią gotowa, przerwałam po kilku rozdziałach.
Kilka miesięcy później po wielu ważnych spotkaniach z terapeutką zaczęłam czytać od początku. I dopiero zrozumiałam jak wiele można z niej wynieść. Nie trafiają do mnie wszystkie przykłady i wszystkie ćwiczenia, ale nie muszą. Te, które trafiły zmieniły mój sposób myślenia i zainspirowały do zmiany, dlatego polecam każdemu, kto dojrzał do poznania siebie i zamknięcia przykrych wspomnień z dzieciństwa.
Kilka miesięcy później po wielu ważnych spotkaniach z terapeutką zaczęłam czytać od początku. I dopiero zrozumiałam jak wiele można z niej wynieść. Nie trafiają do mnie wszystkie przykłady i wszystkie ćwiczenia, ale nie muszą. Te, które trafiły zmieniły mój sposób myślenia i zainspirowały do zmiany, dlatego polecam każdemu, kto dojrzał do poznania siebie i zamknięcia przykrych wspomnień z dzieciństwa.
December 20, 2022
Loved this one! Very insightful with a lot of exercises to work through. I really enjoyed how the author talked about his own inner child. I already can see that I take better care of myself because of this book!
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