Reclaiming UGLY! Uplift, Glorify, and Love Yourself—and Create a World Where Others Can as Well

by Vanessa Rochelle Lewis

Flip the script on how you think about UGLY–what it means, what it is, and how to reclaim it to Uplift, Glorify, and Love Yourself in an uglified world.

Blending joyful self-help magic with incisive social analysis and personal narrative, Vanessa Rochelle Lewis empowers readers to heal, connect, and revolt against uglification.

Uglification is “ugly” weaponized: a tool, ideology, and type of oppression that designates some bodies as more or less worthy of love, respect, access, and dignity. It defines who’s accepted in what spaces, which identities are marginalized, and how we all move through the world–and is part and parcel of systems like white supremacy, ableism, sizeism, sexism, and queer- and transphobia. Here, Lewis takes on uglification, showing us how reclaiming UGLY is a subversive act that roars an unapologetic “yes!” to joy, healing, and community-building in a world that’s engineered to hold us back.

Lewis asks us to go beyond analysis, inviting us to boldly perform UGLY as an act of rebellion, liberation, and radical self-love. Through self-help exercises, reflective meditations, and lesson plans, Lewis moves us closer to a collective liberation that takes back what society tells us is ugly and taboo…and teaches us to deconstruct what we’ve told ourselves is ugly and taboo. In sharing her analysis, personal journey, and activity toolkit, Lewis offers a warm embrace and compassionately guides us toward lives of radical self-acceptance, joyful community-centered healing, and unfiltered self-love.

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Politics, Feminism, Essays, Social Justice

352 pages, Paperback

First published August 24, 2021

Reviews

[Richard Propes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Admit it. When you hear the title "Reclaiming UGLY," you cringe just a little bit.

You think to yourself "Why would I want to reclaim UGLY?"

In Vanessa Rochelle Lewis's "Reclaiming UGLY! Uplift, Glorify, and Love Yourself - and Create a World Where Others Can as Well," this reaction is really the point.

In what often reads like a passionate TED Talk of sorts, Lewis empowers readers to heal, connect, and revolt against what she calls uglification, a weaponization of ugly that oppresses and designates some bodies as more or less worthy of love, respect, access, and dignity. As someone who has the claim to fame of a published poem titled "The Ugliest Man You'll Ever Want to Fu**," I read "Reclaiming UGLY!" with a gleam in my eye and a giggle in my heart. While Lewis wears me out at times here, I was with her the entire way largely owing to her joyful and spirited "self-help magic" and her astute social analysis and personal experiences.

Far encouraging readers to simply embrace "ugly," Lewis empowers us to reclaim UGLY as a subversive act that roars an unapologetic "Yes!" to joy, healing, community-building, and success as we define it.

Lewis looks at the worlds of white supremacy, ableism, sizeism, sexism, and queer/transphobia and vulnerably explores what they mean, how they impact us, and how we, personally and universally, can do something about them.

While Lewis does analyze, "Reclaiming UGLY!" is a deeply felt book that encourages radical acts of rebellion, liberation, and self-love with very deliberate exercises, lessons, meditations, and collective unification to help us deconstruct societal and internalized messages about ugly.

As someone who's always been different for a myriad of reasons - significant abuse/trauma, multiple disabilities, double amputations, and soon an ostomy - I found "Reclaiming UGLY" a tremendous tool for the toolkit for turning the corner on healing from my upcoming bladder removal and new ostomy resulting from bladder cancer.

Lewis's writing here is warm, personal, spirited, understanding, and uncompromising as she guides us toward lives of radical self-acceptance, joyful community-centered healing, and remarkable, remarkable, remarkable self-love.

"Reclaiming UGLY!" was almost exactly the book I expected it to be and almost precisely the book I needed it to be.

[auteaandtales · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book about reclaiming love for yourself in a motivational and powerful way. It’s hard not to leave this book and think about all the positive changes we could (realistically) make to our lives. It talks about how uglification works in Western society from social justice down to personal opinion. It was packed full with information that is accessible/easy to follow, with resources and further educational recommendations to apply to yourself once you’re done with the book to continue the journey.

I think the only criticism I have with it is that, at times, it felt like it rambled a bit and points were repeated a lot, but one way you could take that is how the repetition was reinforcing the point and emphasising their importance.

Thank you to Netgalley for the ARC!

[Lesley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was sent an ARC of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review, so here we go.

As someone who has always been different for a number of reasons, from being a victim of playground and classroom bullying during my school years, to discovering I have epilepsy and coming out as LGBTQ+ in adulthood, I found this book to be a fantastic survival kit for turning the corner on healing from other traumas I've experienced throughout my lifetime. The author is very understanding and, whilst I'm not usually one to read self-help books, I actually enjoyed this and it was just the pick-me-up I needed.

Four stars.

[Nicole]

It wasn’t quite my cup of tea. Specifically on her writing, it bothered me how the author uses the recurring acronym “MaGes” for marginalized genders. I’ve never come across this acronym before, so I don’t know how prevalent it is in other spaces, but coining this acronym felt unnecessary and made for an awkward reading experience — (do I pronounce this like mages or like Mag-ges?). Also felt a little cheesy and a little preachy at times. I recognize this in myself already that I don’t respond well to overly saccharine text—which isn’t a fault of the author.

ABOUT the actual content, which is obviously way more important—I enjoyed the first chapter or so. I think she really shines at physically describing and encouraging readers to listen to their bodies and care for them. This mind-body connection is a strong suit of hers. I think where I got a little lost was when the author tried to tie uglification into mass incarceration and police brutality and slavery. I recognize the relevance, it just feels like an oversimplification and maybe an overly inclusive application of “uglification.” I didn’t buy into this definition enough from the start to have been able to make that mental leap.

Like how is the uglification that characterizes how one could feel insecure and shameful of their own body and self image related to the type of uglification that leads to uglifying unhoused folks? Is uglification just another word for casting shame/a feeling of being undeserving? Why can’t we just describe it as that then instead of making up a whole new word? I concede that I could totally be missing the point here, but in that concession I share that this point wasn’t accessible. It was jargony and led me to pose a lot of different questions that distracted from maybe what the author was trying to get at.

I think this work is important—she really covers alot in this—and I respect the author for it. Just wasn’t for me, unfortunately.

[lou ‎ ‧₊˚ ౨ৎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

will be using this for my thesis/dissertation! if u love someone, read this book!💘

[Markie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vanessa Rochelle Lewis' book, "Reclaiming UGLY!", is a timely and much-needed resource for anyone looking to combat the negative impact of societal beauty standards. The author's message is clear: we must embrace our "ugliness" as a powerful tool to fight against systemic oppression and create a world where everyone is valued and celebrated.
Through a combination of personal anecdotes, practical exercises, and insightful commentary, Lewis highlights the many ways in which marginalized communities are impacted by oppressive beauty standards. From the impact of white supremacy to the harmful effects of ableism, sizeism, and transphobia, the author offers a comprehensive analysis of the many ways in which we are taught to hate ourselves and each other.
One of the most powerful aspects of the book is its emphasis on collective action. Lewis encourages readers to come together to build communities of healing and support, emphasizing the importance of solidarity and mutual aid. The book offers a range of tools and resources to help readers on this journey, including meditations, lessons, and exercises designed to promote self-reflection and personal growth.
Overall, "Reclaiming UGLY!" is a compassionate, empowering, and deeply insightful book that has the potential to make a real difference in the lives of those who read it. Whether you are struggling with self-esteem issues or simply looking to be a better ally, this book is an essential resource for anyone committed to creating a more just and equitable world.

[Lily Heron · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading Reclaiming UGLY! was definitely not the experience I expected - in the best way! A powerful polemic, Vanessa Rochelle Lewis writes with passion and precision on broad issues of social justice. This is definitely not your run of the mill self-help book - it often felt more like a passionate thesis or (as another reviewer as written) an extended TED talk. Reclaiming UGLY! is a book about deconstructing "ugliness" across a broad variety of societal expectations and standards, and is wildly inclusive and built on radical self-love. For those willing to dig deep, I think it will be an uplifting and engaging book.

My one criticism would be regarding statements about rapists and the prison system. On the one hand, the author emphasises survivors of incest, molestation and rape aren't required to forgive their abusers, yet also states that prison isn't the place for rapists, but doesn't offer any clear alternative. I would like to have seen the author's ideas for a better solution on the page, since I can think of a number of options, including execution, chemical castration, all the way through to care in the community. Obviously this is quite a broad spectrum of potential opinion, so it makes it difficult for me to judge the author's potential solutions without seeing the substance of alternative solutions, and limits my ability to consider how I think of the book's argument without the full context available.

I am grateful to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC of Reclaiming Ugly! in exchange for an honest review.

[ncn nothing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reclaiming UGLY!, now that I am in your 3rd chapter, (I think, it’s hard to tell in the audio version of you, and I move back and forth between your page and voice,) I feel that we are in a relationship together, and I am moved to write to you. I wish to let you know how I feel in your company. I have composed the following poem for you, in the style of AI:

Reclaiming UGLY!, first edition,
read in a reclined position,

You provoke the feels in me!
Many of them! More than three!

When I hear your smart analysis,
I feel moved beyond paralysis

Collective action, collective change,
feel, abruptly, within range.

You flood me with the essence
of abundance in a sentence—

Every sentence, truthfully.
Yet you hold me ruthfully,*

No celebration to be had
without the need to change what’s bad

In the world; but now, well, thanks to you,
I feel I am empowered to

Change my relationship with my parents,
partner, siblings, skin, impairments,

Co-conspirators far and near,
community, neighbors, clothing, queer

Sensibilities and senses,
powers, energies and menses.

Not only that; when I read you,
I feel the line begin to loose

Between myself and others—well, typical;
the personal is the political.

I know it but you know it in a way that I don’t know it
(though I know it and you know I know, I know you know I know you know)

Apologies—recursive loop.
I’m almost done, but let me stoop

To one more awkward rhyming preen:
a page-ruffle, a stroke of screen:

When I read you, I feel loved;
also courted, challenged, shoved—

—Ever softly—from the hook
of complacency I mistook

As forgone (self-hate, judgement, shame)—
uglification is to blame!
(Your refrain I retain.)

I wish to say but one thing more
(until the end of chapter four):

Vanessa Rochelle Lewis is
a stunning, brilliant, tender wiz

At understanding power, people,
systems, stories, feelings, wrinkles

In the fabric of the dominant discourser,
and when I read you, I feel all fae’s goodness in my corner.

*Note that I use ruthfully here in the original medieval sense of tenderly, as well as in the modern sense of sorrowfully.

Yours Sincerely,
A Reader

[Maileen Hamto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like other “isms” that divide people between in-groups and out-groups, “lookism” is damaging to one’s psyche and emotional health. People who are historically excluded and not considered attractive by mainstream Eurocentric, heteronormative, and able-bodied standards face daily ostracization and violence.

In "Reclaiming UGLY," educator and arts organizer Vanessa Rochelle Lewis offers readers an inspiring and compassionate way to understand “uglification,” a tool of marginalization that renders certain bodies unworthy of protection from discrimination and bullying. Lewis shares personal anecdotes from her experiences and observations about fatphobia, ableism, transphobia, and racism. Every chapter concludes with actionable ways to practice self-care and self-empowerment through helpful affirmations.

Anyone who has ever felt or experienced maltreatment and shame because of their appearance will find support and solace in this book. Parents will appreciate Lewis’ focus on childhood bullying and how adults can raise children who can stand up for themselves and others. Lewis shares her lifelong journey of healing from wounds of hatred.

To be blunt, the stories are not easy to read. Lewis writes about rape, stalking, and threats of violence in the context of misogynoir, or racism against Black women, transgender and non-binary people. Lewis takes great care to minimize harm, even as she dives deeply into a difficult topic. By shedding light on the topic, Lewis challenges us all to consider how to nurture empathy and wield the power to change oppressive systems.

[voula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a powerful and visionary book that pulls together personal stories, social critiques, and so much more. Everyone has something to learn from this book! Vanessa Rochelle Lewis invites us to reflect on our own experiences, think deeply about how we view ourselves and others, and shift our understandings of the world. She goes deep on big topics and ideas but it's not an overly theoretical read, I found it super accessible and engaging. I've never read anything like this, that really asks us to break down our internal concepts around ugliness, beauty, desire, worthiness.. and how that all feeds into larger social structures and systemic oppression. And how we can fight back and love ourselves and move towards collective liberation. There's so much here, this is a book you will want to read and re-read.

I don't usually write reviews but was extra inspired in this case. I invited the author to speak at a college event a couple years ago and the students were blown away, several told me they spent hours together talking through it all afterwards. Definitely keeping my eye out for future work from Vanessa Rochelle Lewis & going to check out the audio version since she's an amazing speaker!

[Kristina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know, I kind of don't sit well with this book. It's not bad. Topics that are discussed are immensely important overall and for me in particular, as I would be the first one to call out problematic societal standards. But this is very far from a self-help book. The amount of personal stories in this book is definitely what I signed up for.

For a "self-help" book, I don't see or hear myself while reading this book. Self-assessment therapeutical questions, at the end of the chapters, are not doing much, those hardly correlate to the topic because "Me-me-me, and how do you feel? Oh, never mind, here is what I think" and were forgotten by the middle of the book. Call it for what it is - a personal story or essay.
I was so excited to start reading this book, but even then with so many points to relate with the author based on belonging to some marginalized groups, I never became engaged in any of the stories or any of the chapters.

Let's say this book wasn't my cup of tea, and call it a night.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Reclaiming UGLY!" is for anyone lacking confidence amidst increasingly unrealistic beauty standards.

I expected this book to be an important piece of feminist literature that puts forth an important message, encouraging readers to embrace "ugliness" as a powerful tool to fight against oppression. In reality, this is more of a "self-help" book to promote self-love and acceptance. Although both are equally important, self-help narratives are something I don't particularly enjoy and so it was a struggle to get through this.

Personal grievances with the genre aside, I appreciated the advocacy for inclusivity and think many people would enjoy this as an uplifting and empowering book.

Thanks to NetGalley for the much-appreciated arc in return for an honest review.

[Shernell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Besides The Color Purple, this book is one of the most significant books in my life and one of the best I have ever read. This is a sacred black feminist text. I literally highlighted the entire book. Reclaiming Ugly is more than a book; it's a transformative journey that has deeply touched and changed me at a fundamental, cellular level. The author's exploration of joy and connection to personal empowerment is life-changing. The book's central message of reclaiming self-worth and expressing personal agency, represented by the U.G.L.Y. acronym (Uplift, Glorify, and Love yourself), has guided me on an intense journey of self-discovery and self-compassion. It has radically reshaped my inner self and helped me confront my long-standing issues with low self-esteem and negative self-images.

'Reclaiming Ugly' is different because it's interactive. It's more than a book; it's a workbook that engages you in your growth. The exercises, like writing about your experiences or making a vision board for self-empowerment, support a holistic way of self-improvement. This practical experience can change your outlook and boost your personal growth, making you a part of your journey of self-discovery.

The brilliant and gifted writer, Vanessa Rochelle Lewis, begins by anchoring us and setting our goals, explaining why reading this book is essential. She presents the U.G.L.Y. framework, preparing us for more in-depth conversations. She is enthusiastic, humorous, and candid, and she challenges you in this book. The book bravely confronts various forms of oppression, such as fatphobia, criminalization, ableism, and misogyny, revealing their harmful effects on our lives. It also investigates futurism, imagining a future without these unfair systems and exploring the significance of love, family, and the power of imagination in restoring our self-esteem. This investigation of futurism has motivated me to envision a world where everyone is appreciated and honored and has strengthened my dedication to social justice.

“Reclaiming Ugly” offers a profound exploration of Black feminist theory, shedding light on the unique challenges and strengths of Black women, gender-expansive people, and other individuals. Through this analysis, I gained a deeper understanding of how their experiences intersect with my and others' lives. The author's honest and vulnerable storytelling adds a personal touch, making the insights even more impactful. Her narratives not only shifted my perspective but also revealed how my struggles are tied to larger systems of oppression. This realization inspires me to advocate for myself and others, emphasizing the importance of solidarity and collective action in pursuing justice and equality.

Another area that had a profound impact on me was disability theory. It made me think about how society excludes people with disabilities and the importance of working for a more inclusive world. I learned a lot from the book's presentation of disability theory and how it helped me become more empathetic and aware of the structural changes necessary to support everyone, regardless of their abilities. The book's analysis of disability theory made me question my biases and assumptions about disability. It showed the need for a change from a medical model that sees disability as a flaw to be corrected to a social model that understands disability because of societal barriers. This view has strengthened my dedication to accessibility and inclusion and has motivated me to actively work toward removing these barriers in my community.

As 'Reclaiming Ugly' explores, abolition made me rethink justice and how we address harm in our communities. The idea of moving away from punitive systems toward restorative practices is radical. Abolitionist principles demand the destruction of oppressive institutions like prisons and the police, promoting instead community-based solutions that prioritize care and rehabilitation. This approach helped me imagine a society where justice is based on restoration rather than retribution. Its vision generates hope and motivates me to pursue transformative justice daily.

Furthermore, the book examines feminist literature, queer theory, and restorative justice, offering a comprehensive guide to navigating personal and social transformation. These theories and practices have helped me develop a more complex understanding of being a better ally for myself and others. The stories in "Reclaiming Ugly" are not just narratives but experiences that touch me deeply. They have made me feel acknowledged and less alone in my struggles. This sense of connection has been a source of immense comfort and inspiration, making the book's impact on my life priceless. The personal stories shared in the book reflect my own experiences and challenges, creating a powerful bond between the author and myself. This relatability has been vital in helping me feel heard and affirmed, providing the support I needed to continue my journey of self-discovery and growth.

To sum up, "Reclaiming Ugly" has inspired me to grow as a person and to learn how to cope with life's difficulties with resilience and self-compassion. It has transformed my identity and essence. I suggest this book to anyone looking for self-exploration and empowerment. It's a valuable tool for anyone wanting to reclaim their self-esteem and unleash their full potential.

[Geoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

First audiobook of 2025! I had a great time listening to what the author had to say about Reclaiming Ugly. I finished it over a week or so ago and have been thinking about my own actions and thoughts when it comes to flirting, hooking up and dating and definitely going to incorporate what I learned going forward! It's 2025 and I'm going to be fun and flirty with A LOT more people!

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dnf @ page 96 only because I'm a mood reader and it was very overdue at the library. I will come back to this and I feel I've gained some insight that I am able to practice.

[Katta · Rating 5 out of 5]

A kind, illuminating book that made me think deeply. Highly recommend, though suggest taking it slowly and gently (as does the author) as it covers some rough topics.

[Casey Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good words to read, even if I think I already know them. As the last line says, I am a damn good thing and will not stand in the way of my own blessings.

[S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vanessa Rochelle Lewis' book "Reclaiming UGLY!" provides remarkable insight into how perceptions of who's ugly and who isn't work to maintain structural oppression, ensuring the world continues to look the way it does. Backed up by personal anecdotes, historical facts and statistics I was blown away by this book. This is a worthy addition to works that seek to interrogate and confront beauty standards and perceptions surrounding ugliness and social worth.

[Ag · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a relatable, empowering, and good read! The perfect book that the world needs now when the world is riddled (and maybe even crippled) by the unattainable, unrealistic beauty standards, that keep being pushed and imposed by social media and the obligatory use of filters.