Rocking the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfiling Life Without Children

by Jody Day

1:5 women in the UK/USA, Canada & Australia are currently turning 45 without having had a child. Although some are childfree by choice, many others are childless-by-circumstance and are struggling in a life they didn’t expect and for which there are no roadmaps. Most people think that women without children either ‘couldn’t’ or ‘didn’t want’ to be mothers. The truth is much more complex. A mixture of autobiography, social history and self-help, "Rocking the Life Unexpected" is a book that blends the personal, the political and the practical to support childless-by-circumstance women to move forward with their lives. Its British author, Jody Day, is the founder of Gateway Women, the global friendship and support network for childless-by-circumstance women. Reading this book feels like sitting on the couch with a good friend, a bottle of wine, and a box of Kleenex. Yes, there'll be tears, but there'll be laughter and camaraderie, and at the end of the book, there'll be the feeling that it's all going to be okay in the end. Lisa Manterfield, author of the award-winning "I’m Taking my Eggs and Going Home" and the Founder of LifeWithoutBaby.com Each of the 12 chapters has a specific focus and contains exercises to help you look at your personal situation. The book can be read alone or as part of an online or local Gateway Women reading group. Week by week, this book will guide you as you work through the distress, confusion and isolation of your situation and towards your very own Plan B for a meaningful and fulfilling life without children. Now in her late 40s, Jody realised at the age of 43 that her quest to be a mother was finished. She presumed that she was through the toughest part but over the next couple of years was hit by waves of grief, despair and isolation. At times her reality felt almost unendurable, as was the way that her situation was trivialised by others. She looked in vain for recognition and support amongst her dwindling peer group, the therapeutic profession and online, but found nothing except childfree sites, some of which disturbed her deeply with their ‘anti-kids’ rhetoric. Rocking the Life Unexpected shares what Jody learned as she pulled herself from the pit of despair she found herself in and how she found a way to make her life feel meaningful again. It is unlike any other book about childlessness because of its three-tiered • Jody’s own story of how she came to be a childless-by-circumstance woman through a combination of childhood issues, ambivalence, unexplained infertility, divorce and subsequent social infertility - at a time when it is still a taboo to be open about this. Most people refuse to acknowledge the stigma that surrounds childlessness, yet childless women experience it regularly from their friends, family, peers, colleagues and in the culture; • how the women experiencing involuntary childlessness today are part of the ‘shock absorber generation for the sexual revolution’ and why motherhood (or not) has become such a hot button issue – and what we can do to increase societal understanding and create a more progressive and positive debate. • what childless women can do to themselves to recover from the pain, isolation and devastation of not becoming mothers, and how to move on and create a Plan B that is more than just a booby prize! As Jody These days, I love my life again. If I had my time over, I’d still wish to be a mother, but these days I’m genuinely fine with the way things have turned out. I find I’m able to enjoy the advantages of not being a mother, take pleasure in being around other people’s children without dying inside, and really look forward to my future again. I call that having a Plan B and this book is going to help you start moving towards yours.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Paperback

First published September 10, 2013

About the author

Jody Day is a London-based writer and social entrepreneur, the 'warm, witty & wise' Founder of Gateway Women and the author of the Amazon best-seller 'Rocking the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfiling Life Without Children' (Autumn 2013) which is available in both ebook and paperback formats.

She set up the Gateway Women friendship and support network in 2011 to inspire and empower childless by circumstance women (like herself) as they work (grope, stumble...!) towards developing meaningful and fulfilling lives without children.

Jody holds a certificate in integrative counselling and has been mentoring individuals and leading groups, workshops & retreats for Gateway Women for the last two years. A godmother & aunt many times over but never a mother, she speaks regularly at events and in the media, and is increasingly known the 'voice of the childless generation'.

Neither a bitter spinster nor a dried up old hag, Jody puts her heart, mind, and soul into lovingly and mischievously subverting the stereotype of the 'childless woman'. She is divorced, single and lives with her cat and has absolutely no problem about anyone knowing that. The cat, however has her own opinions, all of them inscrutable.

Reviews

[Vanessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved Jody's book, she gently nudges you through the grieving process. A must read for every childless-by-circumstance woman curious about her sadness, anger, ambivalence and the really odd questions and suggestions complete strangers, family and friends make - all well-meaning of course! Well honey, read the book and find your nomo sisterhood, process your feelings, choose Life and live happily on to plan b/c/d/e... and then some.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has been living without children (not by choice) for many years now, I often get questions from women whose fertility journeys have likewise ended without a baby: How, HOW, they ask, do you "get over" the disappointment of never having children (when you really did want and hope for and plan for them), and move on with your life? (DO you ever "get over it"?)

Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, a fabulous resource for women like us, not only answers "yes" in her wonderful book, Rocking the Life Unexpected, but outlines a clearly marked route you can follow down this road less travelled.

The book's description on Amazon calls it "a mixture of autobiography, social history and self-help... a book that blends the personal, the political and the practical to support childless-by-circumstance women to move forward with their lives."

Like the award-winning "Silent Sorority" by Pamela Tsigdinos and "I'm Taking My Eggs and Going Home" by Lisa Manterfield (both books that I love and recommend highly), Jody tells her personal story in this book -- and no doubt you will find much to relate to there.

Beyond her personal story, though, Jody analyzes the role of childless women in our world, today and in the past -- how we got here -- and the implications for a society that seems besotted with motherhood at the same time that more and more women are remaining childless. She brings up a lot of great points that I didn't know about or hadn't considered before, and I hope that marketers, policymakers and politicians are paying attention to what she has to say.

Finally, Jody, who is working to become a psychotherapist, walks readers through the construction of a concrete plan for a satisfying life without children -- including creative exercises designed to help you to work through your grief, envision what a good life without children might look like (to you), and how you can create that life for yourself. The exercises were developed as part of the workshops Jody has developed & delivered to childless women in the U.K., and can be used in a group setting or privately, at your own pace.

This is a landmark book, and I can't recommend it highly enough. : )

(I originally read this book & wrote this review in late 2013; since then, an updated version called "Living the Life Unexpected" has been published, and I understand a further updated version is in the works.)

[Olga · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of relevant information for me and what I am currently going through. Found myself agreeing with a lot of what the author had to say and it was very relatable.

[Kathleen Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish I could give this book six stars because it will change, if not save, lives.

This book is for women, like me, who wanted children and couldn’t have them. Day's research is compelling, her compassion is endless. She gets it. Day is blazing trails in England, working to have single, childfree women acknowledged in society and changing the way they/we define family, retire, and treat each other. If you are childfree-not-by-choice and struggling, I highly recommend this book.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn't an easy or a quick book to read, just because of the subject, and the place you find yourself when you discover this book. I'm really glad I read it though - helps to make sense of what can be a challenging time

[Aubree Deimler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful, positive book on living a life as a childless by circumstance woman. I appreciate Jody's guidance and dedication to bringing childless by circumstance women together and providing hope.

[Melanie Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book for working through the grief of infertility.