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The Reluctant Empath
Have you spent your life feeling everyone's emotions? Have you been bombarded with every thought, every feeling from those around you and from the world itself? Are you ready to scream? You are not crazy; you are an empath. There is a reason you feel all that you do. This valuable guide will help you understand what it means to be an empath, why you feel what you feel, and how to share the wonderful opportunities the gift of empathy offers you to heal yourself, those around you, and the world. With this book, readers learn to discern the truth when people's words do not match their emotions, to use fearlessness to protect yourself, and to tap into the vibrational energy of love. You will also learn to discern how energy works and how it can be used for healing, accessing the past, present, and future, manifesting responsibly, and much more. If you suspect you are an empath or know someone who may be struggling with that gift, this book is a must read.
- GenresSpirituality
112 pages, Hardcover
First published June 28, 2014
14 people are currently reading
110 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 4, 2015
(I received a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley.) As a professional intuitive and empath, I found the theories in this book to disagree with my experiences in life. The authors present ideas for energy work that violate boundaries without more than a cursory discussion of the ethics involved in doing so. Furthermore, the ideas they present are dangerous when used by those who have not done the proper healing before attempting them. This is very much not a book I would recommend to clients or in classes I teach. I have a much longer review on my blog; Googling for reviews of this book will find it.
December 17, 2020
The Introduction begins by explaining what an empath is, which will be easily identifiable by anyone who has spent their lives being hyper sensitive to the emotions of others. It also postulates that an empath can feel the emotions of the dead, which I'm not sure I would agree with as I have my own beliefs about ghosts and spirits and such.
All that aside, the book approaches the subject as a skill to be embraced, where other books speak of shielding and how to protect oneself from the sometimes overwhelming emotions of a crowd of people. It promises to explain how to change the energy of emotions so that the empath can affect the world around themselves, actually changing the vibrational level of emotional energy. The authors style themselves as "Shamanic healers" and use an example from an empath named Alex to demonstrate their methods.
Each chapter breaks down the idea of what it is to be an empath. The first chapter tells about Alex learning to discern between what people say and the emotions they project, while finding pure comfort in nature and among animals who communicate purely on an honest, emotional level. It paints Alex as a solitary child who instinctively knows that his parents won't understand his internal perceptions. In some ways I think using Alex as an example became too simplistic. I also found it incongruent that he didn't pick up on the false laughter of older boys making fun of him when he could easily note false sincerity in adults.
The book suggests that energy from negative emotions can be felt physically and create feelings of unwellness, that this is what separates an empath from the rest of the population who all feel some level of empathy and that learning to deal with a high sensitivity to emotion is part of the lessons that we are meant to learn. The authors postulate fatalism to a degree that some readers might agree with and others will find at odds with their own beliefs.
Subsequent chapters include subjects like energetic safety, keeping silent, bad things that happen and dealing with a sensitivity that lasts forever, as well as acceptance, simultaneous time, how to use the energy (or magic!), responsibility and energy evolution.
I felt that Alex's teenage experiences were too cliché. People react differently to situations and the depiction of Alex didn't come over as quite right for the typical teenage empath. I've known a few and find them generally more intelligent and less reactionary than the average teenager. Alex's response to frustration didn't quite fit. However, I could see the lessons couched within the tales of Alex. One particularly important one was in letting go of struggle when dealing with spiritual entities and allowing energy to naturally flow.
The book explains some color symbolism and how it relates to Chakras. It also talks about using empathic energy to cast spells and about grounding as well as auras. I'm inclined to disagree with the assertion that "everybody wants to fit in". In my own experience as an empathic teenager, I found the facade of conformity to group trends of little interest and whatever need I might have had for friendship to be satisfied by those few others who felt themselves similarly different, usually found in music, literature and drama classes.
Despite the book's preachy tone and diversions into things like ghosts, UFOs and other strange phenomena, I think there is a lot of valuable information for the natural empath who might not have encountered others who understand this extra sensitivity in their lives. The example about the rock musician who needed to learn to ground his excess energy was particularly good. While I don't think the needy version of the empath depicted in the text is at all universal, there is useful analogy for anyone and this book would be especially valuable for those who actually do need validation from people outside of themselves.
Near the middle of the book, the authors relate some of their own life experiences. These give some good examples of how things can kind of fall into place and for situations where sometimes the best course just 'feels right', even if it doesn't appear to be the most logical choice. They also express a belief in reincarnation and the concept that each life is meant to become a lesson in a longer series of spiritual existence, stating that you choose your circumstances before birth according to the lessons you are meant to learn that time around. It's a fairly popular view within the new age paradigm.
The chapter on simultaneous time quotes Einstein, then goes into reincarnation and UFOs, so the reader's beliefs will determine what they get out of this chapter. It also postulates the belief that everything happens for a reason. As new age books go, this one feels like it's talking down to the reader much of the time, yet there are some important lessons and it could be valuable for someone who is new to the subject matter and is in need of guidance through their own empathic experiences.
All that aside, the book approaches the subject as a skill to be embraced, where other books speak of shielding and how to protect oneself from the sometimes overwhelming emotions of a crowd of people. It promises to explain how to change the energy of emotions so that the empath can affect the world around themselves, actually changing the vibrational level of emotional energy. The authors style themselves as "Shamanic healers" and use an example from an empath named Alex to demonstrate their methods.
Each chapter breaks down the idea of what it is to be an empath. The first chapter tells about Alex learning to discern between what people say and the emotions they project, while finding pure comfort in nature and among animals who communicate purely on an honest, emotional level. It paints Alex as a solitary child who instinctively knows that his parents won't understand his internal perceptions. In some ways I think using Alex as an example became too simplistic. I also found it incongruent that he didn't pick up on the false laughter of older boys making fun of him when he could easily note false sincerity in adults.
The book suggests that energy from negative emotions can be felt physically and create feelings of unwellness, that this is what separates an empath from the rest of the population who all feel some level of empathy and that learning to deal with a high sensitivity to emotion is part of the lessons that we are meant to learn. The authors postulate fatalism to a degree that some readers might agree with and others will find at odds with their own beliefs.
Subsequent chapters include subjects like energetic safety, keeping silent, bad things that happen and dealing with a sensitivity that lasts forever, as well as acceptance, simultaneous time, how to use the energy (or magic!), responsibility and energy evolution.
I felt that Alex's teenage experiences were too cliché. People react differently to situations and the depiction of Alex didn't come over as quite right for the typical teenage empath. I've known a few and find them generally more intelligent and less reactionary than the average teenager. Alex's response to frustration didn't quite fit. However, I could see the lessons couched within the tales of Alex. One particularly important one was in letting go of struggle when dealing with spiritual entities and allowing energy to naturally flow.
The book explains some color symbolism and how it relates to Chakras. It also talks about using empathic energy to cast spells and about grounding as well as auras. I'm inclined to disagree with the assertion that "everybody wants to fit in". In my own experience as an empathic teenager, I found the facade of conformity to group trends of little interest and whatever need I might have had for friendship to be satisfied by those few others who felt themselves similarly different, usually found in music, literature and drama classes.
Despite the book's preachy tone and diversions into things like ghosts, UFOs and other strange phenomena, I think there is a lot of valuable information for the natural empath who might not have encountered others who understand this extra sensitivity in their lives. The example about the rock musician who needed to learn to ground his excess energy was particularly good. While I don't think the needy version of the empath depicted in the text is at all universal, there is useful analogy for anyone and this book would be especially valuable for those who actually do need validation from people outside of themselves.
Near the middle of the book, the authors relate some of their own life experiences. These give some good examples of how things can kind of fall into place and for situations where sometimes the best course just 'feels right', even if it doesn't appear to be the most logical choice. They also express a belief in reincarnation and the concept that each life is meant to become a lesson in a longer series of spiritual existence, stating that you choose your circumstances before birth according to the lessons you are meant to learn that time around. It's a fairly popular view within the new age paradigm.
The chapter on simultaneous time quotes Einstein, then goes into reincarnation and UFOs, so the reader's beliefs will determine what they get out of this chapter. It also postulates the belief that everything happens for a reason. As new age books go, this one feels like it's talking down to the reader much of the time, yet there are some important lessons and it could be valuable for someone who is new to the subject matter and is in need of guidance through their own empathic experiences.
February 2, 2020
I don't write as many reviews as I used to, but I feel like it's really important that I write a review for this, after several false starts with this book.
I was recommended this book by someone who pegged me as a reluctant empath. The truth is I'm just an energy worker, and that manifests in various ways but I don't identify with being an empath. That's fine fir this, though, because I have identified as an empath at some points of my life, and also this book isn't really just about empathy.
As others have mentioned, it's very muddled--and maybe that's deliberate so that they can claim that the things they're advocating for aren't that serious.
They start out the book by saying they will give advice that goes against other books. This was a red flag to me but I kept reading, thinking of course maybe it's a hamfisted way of saying their book is going to teach unique things.
It's structured a bit like the Sara books or other books where there is a fictional protagonist to make their points, but then they interject themselves again when they can't make the same point as accurately with their protagonist (Alex) or they just want to talk about themselves again, whichever.
I struggled here. First I got the book but I lost it, and I considered taking that as a sign. But as more things came to light about the person who had recommended it to me, I decided I needed to know what it needed to say.
This book seriously advises you that assault on the spiritual level is okay because empaths are more advanced beings than other humans and need to do this for humans who can't ground their own energy.
This is not okay. At all.
The biggest technique they teach is that you can just ground away anything--for yourself or for another person--without feeling feelings.
Now, learning to be a witness is a part of some meditation and it certainly can be learned, but you can't go from zero to sixty with this.
I advise reading other reviews that will be more detailed than mine because they already said it well, but because I know some other people follow my reviews I need to do the exact opposite of recommend this book.
It makes me concerned about people who would recommend this book--in fact, I already was, and I struggled to finish.
Also, I agree, this is really a book that confuses a lot of dispirate psychic skills while calling it "reluctant empathy." So it's not really an accurate depiction of how to be safe in use of any of those skills, because they show from the outset that they're not even what the book is supposed to be about.
Betty Comerford reveals that she was the student of the other writer (who uses the title of shaman) and that they were destined to meet. The book felt more about being patronizing and showing off their specialness, and their special bond, than it is about clear and safe instruction on anything.
The main tool this teaches is grounding, and it does not teach adequate boundaries or ethics. It's not okay to ground for other people. Other people's energy is for them to do with what they will of their own free will. It's not for someone who believes themselves to be super-human to come in and do anything to anyone else's energy against their will.
I was recommended this book by someone who pegged me as a reluctant empath. The truth is I'm just an energy worker, and that manifests in various ways but I don't identify with being an empath. That's fine fir this, though, because I have identified as an empath at some points of my life, and also this book isn't really just about empathy.
As others have mentioned, it's very muddled--and maybe that's deliberate so that they can claim that the things they're advocating for aren't that serious.
They start out the book by saying they will give advice that goes against other books. This was a red flag to me but I kept reading, thinking of course maybe it's a hamfisted way of saying their book is going to teach unique things.
It's structured a bit like the Sara books or other books where there is a fictional protagonist to make their points, but then they interject themselves again when they can't make the same point as accurately with their protagonist (Alex) or they just want to talk about themselves again, whichever.
I struggled here. First I got the book but I lost it, and I considered taking that as a sign. But as more things came to light about the person who had recommended it to me, I decided I needed to know what it needed to say.
This book seriously advises you that assault on the spiritual level is okay because empaths are more advanced beings than other humans and need to do this for humans who can't ground their own energy.
This is not okay. At all.
The biggest technique they teach is that you can just ground away anything--for yourself or for another person--without feeling feelings.
Now, learning to be a witness is a part of some meditation and it certainly can be learned, but you can't go from zero to sixty with this.
I advise reading other reviews that will be more detailed than mine because they already said it well, but because I know some other people follow my reviews I need to do the exact opposite of recommend this book.
It makes me concerned about people who would recommend this book--in fact, I already was, and I struggled to finish.
Also, I agree, this is really a book that confuses a lot of dispirate psychic skills while calling it "reluctant empathy." So it's not really an accurate depiction of how to be safe in use of any of those skills, because they show from the outset that they're not even what the book is supposed to be about.
Betty Comerford reveals that she was the student of the other writer (who uses the title of shaman) and that they were destined to meet. The book felt more about being patronizing and showing off their specialness, and their special bond, than it is about clear and safe instruction on anything.
The main tool this teaches is grounding, and it does not teach adequate boundaries or ethics. It's not okay to ground for other people. Other people's energy is for them to do with what they will of their own free will. It's not for someone who believes themselves to be super-human to come in and do anything to anyone else's energy against their will.
July 17, 2017
Years ago a person I knew blamed her inability to be around certain people, ahem me, on being empathetic. I immediately bristled because she was not an empath - she was the exact opposite of. She went on to explain her "empathy" and I bit my tongue. What she was describing was not empathy but rather her refusal to enter into authentic relationships. Anyway. The point is that her comment so bugged me, me who is an empath, that I set out to know as much as I could about empathy. So far all of my knowledge gathering, research if you will, has served to support what empathy really is and not what this person I had interactions with claimed it was. So when this book became available I was immediately interested in reading it. It's been sitting on my "to read" list for a few years due to life etc but I have finally gotten around to it.
Unfortunately, this book let me down a bit. I'm sure the authors would claim I have negative energy or something but I don't think that's the case. I think I'm let down because it was very...buzzy. Read the book and you'll understand I am alluding to vibrations that we give off, according to the authors. I believe we all have an energy that can either drag us and others down or lift us and others up. I just don't believe we have it to the degree and depth that the authors do. And because they believe in past lives, communicating with the Other Side (ahem dead), and vibrations the book about empathy is actually a book about psychic abilities, in my opinion, more than it is about empathy. They claim that empathy is all very supernatural and such. That's cool, I think some of that definitely takes place. I don't think, however, that every single person who is an empath, like myself, is buzzing all the time and tapping into past lives and aliens and such. So while I jotted down a thought here and there from the pages about living life as an empath, overall I was fairly disappointed with the book.
April 7, 2020
There are few books written in this life that speak to your heart and your entire being, that doesn't force you to look in a mirror but embrace your entire essence. Have you been told you're too sensitive? Does your mood change more than the wind blows? Do you have a feeling that you are being called to do more? If you answered yes to one or all of those questions, you should read 'The Reluctant Empath.' You are not a freak, and your feelings are valued. 'The Reluctant Empath' will teach you techniques on how to control your emotions and how to recognize energy vampires. We are all spending more time inside either by ourselves, surrounded by family, roommates, or pets. The coronavirus will not last forever; therefore, we must embrace these months, days, hours, and seconds working on our self-development. When we learn to love ourselves, we are finally free to radiate love to others.
January 14, 2025
This book left me torn. I wish I could give 2.5 stars for a truly neutral review.
There is relatable insights—empaths are sensitive to energy, and boundaries are key. But just as I’d agree, they’d lose me with something bizarre. For example: yes, we pick up on energy. No, we’re not here to help spirits process emotions and move on.
The mentions of UFOs and past lives felt too "woo-woo" for me at times. I feel like I was reading a mix of a self-help guide and a spiritual sci-fi novel.
If you’re into mystical ideas, this might work for you. Otherwise, this book might leave you feeling...reluctant.
There is relatable insights—empaths are sensitive to energy, and boundaries are key. But just as I’d agree, they’d lose me with something bizarre. For example: yes, we pick up on energy. No, we’re not here to help spirits process emotions and move on.
The mentions of UFOs and past lives felt too "woo-woo" for me at times. I feel like I was reading a mix of a self-help guide and a spiritual sci-fi novel.
If you’re into mystical ideas, this might work for you. Otherwise, this book might leave you feeling...reluctant.
September 29, 2019
If I could give this 0 stars, I would. What a piece of trash! You will not learn anything here that you couldn't learn (in a much more articulate and straightforward way) from the many YouTube videos on the topic. I cannot believe it took two people to write this little pamphlet. The whole thing reads like it was written by a below-average seventh-grader. Poor vocabulary, stumbling narrative (we meet Alex at the age of 5, see him begin school and grow into a teenager, only to end up with him on the bus going to school for the first time; this time around we follow him through his teen and college years into adulthood, lol), awkward and cumbersome metaphors make reading this book an exercise in frustration.
But most importantly, I question the wisdom of aiming a book so clearly full of bs (starting with the fictional Alex), ridiculous, generic contrivances and blatant inaccuracies at empaths. I mean, you do know we can see right through this, right? For shame!
But most importantly, I question the wisdom of aiming a book so clearly full of bs (starting with the fictional Alex), ridiculous, generic contrivances and blatant inaccuracies at empaths. I mean, you do know we can see right through this, right? For shame!
May 19, 2019
There's nothing revolutionary in here, but it does pull everything about energy manipulation together. For someone struggling with empathy, it gives a handful of concrete tools to move the feelings and energy through the body. It felt a bit preachy at points, albeit in a kind way. I would recommend it for empaths.
July 21, 2021
I went back and forth a lot in this book. I got some very good information out of it, and some that I just could not really relate to. But that’s okay because not all empaths are the same. What I did benefit most from was how to move through negative energy without shutting myself off. That has made such a big difference in my life.
December 5, 2023
The Reluctant Empath by Bety Comerford and Steven P. Wilson
112Pages
Publisher: Schiffer Publishing Ltd.
Release Date: June 11, 2014
Nonfiction, Religion, Spirituality, Self-Help
The book follows the life of Alex, an empathic child. He learns the hard way that what people say and feel are not always the same. He did and said things to make people happy and this happiness would make him happy. What he didn’t understand was that he was being used or bullied. Since his actions were giving pleasure, he continued to do it. He learned about energy, chi, the force, and hose he can channel it to protect himself.
The author’s hope is this example helps people live in the world with feelings. If you are empathic or would like to learn how to protect your feelings, this small book may be for you.
112Pages
Publisher: Schiffer Publishing Ltd.
Release Date: June 11, 2014
Nonfiction, Religion, Spirituality, Self-Help
The book follows the life of Alex, an empathic child. He learns the hard way that what people say and feel are not always the same. He did and said things to make people happy and this happiness would make him happy. What he didn’t understand was that he was being used or bullied. Since his actions were giving pleasure, he continued to do it. He learned about energy, chi, the force, and hose he can channel it to protect himself.
The author’s hope is this example helps people live in the world with feelings. If you are empathic or would like to learn how to protect your feelings, this small book may be for you.
August 19, 2014
For the empath or for those who love the empath, this is a great read; it provides tools to help you walk through the world of other's emotions.
While others who discuss "empathy" preach protection, protection, protection, Bety and Steve are shamans who explain how to move energy, ground and see empathy as a gift rather than a curse.
While others who discuss "empathy" preach protection, protection, protection, Bety and Steve are shamans who explain how to move energy, ground and see empathy as a gift rather than a curse.
January 11, 2017
Interesting concepts about empaths, energy, and the meaning of life. Worth a read to lean more about energy and how to change it vibrationally. The best parts were the stories about Alex and his development as an empath and the summary boxes at the end of each chapter with activities to practice. Worth a read.
July 27, 2014
what an eye opener of a book , absolutely loved it its brilliant. Found out so much about being an empath and made me more aware of myself , its a mine of information from beginning to the end. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED - MUST READ
January 21, 2015
A very informative book, that is full of fascinating stories about what an empath experiences. The book also gives helpful tips about how to ground yourself and not feel overwhelmed during stressful times.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews