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Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages
Gentle Parenting is about guiding instead of controlling, connecting instead of punishing, encouraging instead of demanding. It's about listening, understanding, responding, and communicating. Written by children's book and parenting author, L.R.Knost, 'Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages' is an introduction to the ideas behind gentle parenting and to its application in each of the developmental stages of childhood.
140 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 19, 2013
90 people are currently reading
1350 people want to read
About the author
L.R. Knost
10 books442 followersAward-winning author, feminist, and social justice activist, L.R.Knost, is the founder and director of the children's rights advocacy and family consulting group, Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources ( http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/ ), and Editor-in-Chief of Holistic Parenting Magazine. Her work has been quoted from Hollywood to D.C. to South Africa, most notably in an address on children's rights to the South African Parliament by the Minister of Justice. She lives in Central Florida with her husband and the youngest four of her six children.
Books:
'Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages' published February 2013
'Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood' published June 2013
'The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline' published October 2013
'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting' published May 2014
'Petey's Listening Ears' children's picture book for ages 2-6 published May 2011
Books:
'Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages' published February 2013
'Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood' published June 2013
'The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline' published October 2013
'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting' published May 2014
'Petey's Listening Ears' children's picture book for ages 2-6 published May 2011
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
September 28, 2017
"When we send children to their rooms as punishment or to think about what they've done, we are leaving them all alone in a stormy sea of human emotions when what they really need in that moment is to reconnect with us. They need our wisdom and guidance and the reassurance that, no matter what mistakes they make, no matter how badly they fail, no matter how far they fall, we will always, always be there to help them and heal them and forgive them and love them. That is the heart of gentle parenting."
I started this book and within a couple of pages was already laughing at myself for picking up yet another parenting book when I'm not a parent and not planning on becoming one any time soon. It's all so interesting though! Apart from the fact it'll be useful if I ever do become a parent, parenting books make me think about all types of relationships. How we approach, respect and interact with other people in all parts of our life.
The reason I picked up this book in particular was all because of one quote; “It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” Funny story, I can't for the life of me find that quote in this book. If anyone knows where it is could you let me know! The rest of the book follows in a similar way though and I really enjoyed it.
"Live what you want them to learn! [...] Consciously, intentionally and consistently living out how you want your children to turn out is the most powerful and effective character training there is. If you want your children to be kind, be kind. If you want them to be respectful, respect them. If you want them to learn self-control, model self-control. If you want them to be compassionate, treat them with compassion. If you want them to feel joy, enjoy them. If you want them to feel valuable, treasure them. "
L.R Knost talks specifically about how babies are meant to wake up multiple times a night (reduces the risk of SIDS and enables them to keep their tiny stomachs topped up with milk), toddlers and sharing (if they never see their parents sharing why would you expect them to share everything?!), 3 to 6 year olds experiencing fear (they're realising their parents aren't invincible or all-knowing and the world is a big and scary place) and lots more. She is Christian but religion doesn't play a big part in this book. There are a couple of mentions of God which are easy to gloss over if you don't like that sort of thing, or not if you do. :)
This book discusses the two-thousand connection points a day you can create when your children outgrow the two-thousand kisses a day newborn cuddle stage (aww).
"These connection points are about maintaining and enriching a strong parent/child relationship through all the ages and stages of childhood so that, through a foundation of trust and mutual respect, parenting takes the form of guiding instead of punishing, encouraging natural growth instead of forcing premature independence, and creating a strong, intimate, interwoven family fabric that will stand the test of time."
The connection points are things like smiling at our children when they walk in the room, not letting our eyes constantly flick back to screens when they're talking to us, giving them our undivided, wholehearted attention when they share something they love or just want to sit and be close for a while, validating their feelings instead of minimising or dismissing them and sharing our own hurts and mistakes so they know we're perfectly imperfect humans too. Simply brilliant and brilliantly simple!
I loved the points brought up about punishment (both physical and psychological). The fact that, although punishments can provide short term results in stopping unwanted behaviours for the time being, they cannot control the person. "The need behind the behaviour is never addressed and those needs merely get driven underground and often emerge later in more potentially damaging behaviours such as lying, sneaking, anger, outright rebellion, depression, aggression, addictions, etc." There are practical tips and alternatives for a number of tricky situations throughout the book.
"It is interesting to note that, in the not-too-distant past, husbands hitting their wives was also viewed as not only a societal norm, but also a necessary part of maintaining a harmonious, successful marriage. [...] The core belief behind 'reasonable smacking' of wives was that there was no other effective way to control them. I agree. If controlling another human being is the goal, then force is necessary. Fear, intimidation, threats, power-plays, physical pain, those are all means of control. But, if growing health humans is the goal, then building trust relationship, encouraging, guiding, leading, teaching and communicating are the tools for success."
Another part of the book I loved was the chapter on parent guilt and self-blame. Knost says "One of the inherent pitfalls in gentle parenting is the tendency to blame our parenting for any behaviour issues our children are having." This was something I'd never thought about until recently. Knost makes the point that blaming yourself for everything your child does will not create a positive relationship and possibly lead to children who never take responsibility for their own actions. Gentle parenting is about respecting the child as a person, and people mess up.
"When our efforts don't produce an endlessly-happy, always-confident, perfectly-reasonable child, we can make the mistake of feeling like a failure as a parent instead of simply acknowledging that we are the parent of a human being with all the normal quirks and foibles inherent in human nature. The self-blame can be damaging in many ways, from causing the aforementioned resentment to inflicting crushing feelings of inadequacy to creating downright depression in a parent. [...] Our little humans are always watching, always learning, always imitating us, and they are as unpredictable as falling stars. If we continually shoulder the responsibility for our children's behaviour, we are not only depriving them of the dignity of taking personal responsibility for themselves, but we are also denigrating their capabilities and individuality, in essence telling them that they simply aren't able to make their own decisions, control themselves, or function without assistance."
This book made me think and brought up a lot of fascinating points. I love the feelings of love, respect and growth that it emphasised and would definitely recommend if any of these quotes struck a chord in you like they did for me.
"The bottom line is that addressing our children's underlying needs, the actual causes of their behaviour instead of just the behaviour itself, is a far more effective parenting approach as well as being significantly better for a healthy, mutually respectful parent/child relationship. Sending our children out into the world as adults with their needs met, with coping mechanisms in place for those times when the stresses overwhelm them, and with the knowledge of a safe haven where comfort is always available when the world hurts them is a powerful way to change the world for the better. Maybe, just maybe, sowing peace in our homes is the answer for our children, our families, and our world, after all."
I started this book and within a couple of pages was already laughing at myself for picking up yet another parenting book when I'm not a parent and not planning on becoming one any time soon. It's all so interesting though! Apart from the fact it'll be useful if I ever do become a parent, parenting books make me think about all types of relationships. How we approach, respect and interact with other people in all parts of our life.
The reason I picked up this book in particular was all because of one quote; “It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” Funny story, I can't for the life of me find that quote in this book. If anyone knows where it is could you let me know! The rest of the book follows in a similar way though and I really enjoyed it.
"Live what you want them to learn! [...] Consciously, intentionally and consistently living out how you want your children to turn out is the most powerful and effective character training there is. If you want your children to be kind, be kind. If you want them to be respectful, respect them. If you want them to learn self-control, model self-control. If you want them to be compassionate, treat them with compassion. If you want them to feel joy, enjoy them. If you want them to feel valuable, treasure them. "
L.R Knost talks specifically about how babies are meant to wake up multiple times a night (reduces the risk of SIDS and enables them to keep their tiny stomachs topped up with milk), toddlers and sharing (if they never see their parents sharing why would you expect them to share everything?!), 3 to 6 year olds experiencing fear (they're realising their parents aren't invincible or all-knowing and the world is a big and scary place) and lots more. She is Christian but religion doesn't play a big part in this book. There are a couple of mentions of God which are easy to gloss over if you don't like that sort of thing, or not if you do. :)
This book discusses the two-thousand connection points a day you can create when your children outgrow the two-thousand kisses a day newborn cuddle stage (aww).
"These connection points are about maintaining and enriching a strong parent/child relationship through all the ages and stages of childhood so that, through a foundation of trust and mutual respect, parenting takes the form of guiding instead of punishing, encouraging natural growth instead of forcing premature independence, and creating a strong, intimate, interwoven family fabric that will stand the test of time."
The connection points are things like smiling at our children when they walk in the room, not letting our eyes constantly flick back to screens when they're talking to us, giving them our undivided, wholehearted attention when they share something they love or just want to sit and be close for a while, validating their feelings instead of minimising or dismissing them and sharing our own hurts and mistakes so they know we're perfectly imperfect humans too. Simply brilliant and brilliantly simple!
I loved the points brought up about punishment (both physical and psychological). The fact that, although punishments can provide short term results in stopping unwanted behaviours for the time being, they cannot control the person. "The need behind the behaviour is never addressed and those needs merely get driven underground and often emerge later in more potentially damaging behaviours such as lying, sneaking, anger, outright rebellion, depression, aggression, addictions, etc." There are practical tips and alternatives for a number of tricky situations throughout the book.
"It is interesting to note that, in the not-too-distant past, husbands hitting their wives was also viewed as not only a societal norm, but also a necessary part of maintaining a harmonious, successful marriage. [...] The core belief behind 'reasonable smacking' of wives was that there was no other effective way to control them. I agree. If controlling another human being is the goal, then force is necessary. Fear, intimidation, threats, power-plays, physical pain, those are all means of control. But, if growing health humans is the goal, then building trust relationship, encouraging, guiding, leading, teaching and communicating are the tools for success."
Another part of the book I loved was the chapter on parent guilt and self-blame. Knost says "One of the inherent pitfalls in gentle parenting is the tendency to blame our parenting for any behaviour issues our children are having." This was something I'd never thought about until recently. Knost makes the point that blaming yourself for everything your child does will not create a positive relationship and possibly lead to children who never take responsibility for their own actions. Gentle parenting is about respecting the child as a person, and people mess up.
"When our efforts don't produce an endlessly-happy, always-confident, perfectly-reasonable child, we can make the mistake of feeling like a failure as a parent instead of simply acknowledging that we are the parent of a human being with all the normal quirks and foibles inherent in human nature. The self-blame can be damaging in many ways, from causing the aforementioned resentment to inflicting crushing feelings of inadequacy to creating downright depression in a parent. [...] Our little humans are always watching, always learning, always imitating us, and they are as unpredictable as falling stars. If we continually shoulder the responsibility for our children's behaviour, we are not only depriving them of the dignity of taking personal responsibility for themselves, but we are also denigrating their capabilities and individuality, in essence telling them that they simply aren't able to make their own decisions, control themselves, or function without assistance."
This book made me think and brought up a lot of fascinating points. I love the feelings of love, respect and growth that it emphasised and would definitely recommend if any of these quotes struck a chord in you like they did for me.
"The bottom line is that addressing our children's underlying needs, the actual causes of their behaviour instead of just the behaviour itself, is a far more effective parenting approach as well as being significantly better for a healthy, mutually respectful parent/child relationship. Sending our children out into the world as adults with their needs met, with coping mechanisms in place for those times when the stresses overwhelm them, and with the knowledge of a safe haven where comfort is always available when the world hurts them is a powerful way to change the world for the better. Maybe, just maybe, sowing peace in our homes is the answer for our children, our families, and our world, after all."
July 9, 2013
Easy to understand but definitely lacked nuts and bolts. This writer comes off as a bit know-it-all-ish but doesn't seem to get too in depth around ideas, problem-solving, or resources. But not a total waste of time.
March 15, 2013
Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages & Stages is written by L.R. Knost, a woman who is herself a veteran mother (and now grandmother), while also still having her heart and hands engaged over many of the ages and stages of parenting. Her six living children range in age from twenty-five months to twenty-five years.
Knost's book explores the basic framework of gentle parenting and how it is played out from infancy through adulthood. This book is a helpful read for parents at any stage in parenting (and covers each individual stage), but I think it will be particularly encouraging for those who are in the earliest phases of parenting.
There is a common misconception that if parenting does not include spanking or corporal punishment, that such parenting is permissive and there is no discipline. This book is particularly helpful in that it shows some of the ways that gentle parenting actually builds a platform for loving, consistent discipline in a home. Provided within the book are a few examples of how gentle discipline might look within a home.
Knost also incorporates the importance of connectedness with our children, sometimes referred to as attachment parenting. Knost emphasizes, however, that what is more important than specific parenting practices is the connected relationship. She writes:
Growing independence, though, doesn’t have to mean growing separation. Humans were created to be relational beings. We may outgrow our dependency, but we never outgrow the need for community, interaction, appreciation, reassurance, and support.
Infants, children, and adults alike all share this life-long need for connection. While over time that need will also be met through friendships, business engagements, social interactions, and the like, family relationships are the steady and sure bedrock of secure connection and belonging that ground us and assure us that our needs will not go unmet even in the darkest of times.
Attachment parenting is often misconstrued to be simply about breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, etc. But, while those are possible choices for creating and maintaining a secure parent/child connection in the early years, they are just a small sampling of the relationship-building choices that parents can make throughout their children’s lives.
As little ones outgrow the ‘two thousand kisses a day’ stage, parents can begin consciously creating ‘two thousand connection points a day’ to replace those tender expressions of love with age-appropriate expressions of appreciation and approval, love and support.
From responding empathetically to a preschooler’s whine, to paying attention to a seven-year-old when they tell their endless stories, to listening ‘between the lines’ to the angst of a teen, maintaining a secure parent/child connection beyond infancy is simply about meeting emotional needs consistently, intentionally, and relationally.
The book is written by a Christian author, though the religious tone is not as strong as in some Christian parenting books. I see this as both a strength and a weakness for the book. On the one hand, it gives the book a broader audience. On the other hand, some Christians who may benefit from reading such a book may be disappointed by the lack of "Christianese."
There were elements of the book in which my parenting will look different from the author's, but overall I found this a hugely encouraging, refreshing, and helpful read. There were also many areas in which I was convicted, as well, in the ways I have failed to love my children. (Thankfully, I know there is grace and forgiveness, and the author addresses this, as well!)
Knost is certainly gifted in her emotional intelligence and in her ability to view life from a child's perspective. It is this gift that makes her an excellent adult voice for children and babies, and in a tone that comes across strongly and compassionately throughout the book. (As one of many examples of her ability to view life through the eyes of a child, I found her discussion on how children learn about sharing to be quite helpful.)
The book is brief (114 pages; I read mine on Kindle in just a day and a half), easy to read, and also affordable (just $3.99 for Kindle and $7.99 for paperback). Like many books written for women, by women, and on mothering, there are some emotional appeals. (My husband also read this book, and although he highlighted this element in our discussion of the book, he reminded me that we cannot entirely avoid emotional appeals, and we both considered Knost's to be within the realm of appropriateness.)
Table of Contents:
September 28, 2013
JUST won this.....very excited and CANNOT wait to get it so I can start reading. :-)
Some really fantastic ideas and tips for peaceful parenting....
Some really fantastic ideas and tips for peaceful parenting....
November 13, 2017
Very short book about parenting challenges. Self-published and written in a blog-post style.
Most of the material in this book is the author stating her opinions. A handful of research studies are sited.
A friend recommended this because she said the author bases her parenting tips on biblical principles. I didn't find that to be the case, there was no indication that this is a Christian author. The parenting tips seem to be very emotionally driven. Occasionally the author touts her opinion with emotionally-manipulative language.
Most of the material in this book is the author stating her opinions. A handful of research studies are sited.
A friend recommended this because she said the author bases her parenting tips on biblical principles. I didn't find that to be the case, there was no indication that this is a Christian author. The parenting tips seem to be very emotionally driven. Occasionally the author touts her opinion with emotionally-manipulative language.
June 13, 2018
A wonderful resource that I will refer back to on my gentle parenting journey. I was surprised to discover I already do a good amount of these techniques and I'm excited and motivated to improve in other aspects. This is beautifully written and very quotable (I highlighted so, so much!). Touches on all age groups and gives detailed, helpful examples. Though it be a quick read, I would suggest for anyone looking to improve their gentle/positive parenting understanding.
March 30, 2022
Two thousand kisses is something we give a baby nestled to us close. But do we kiss our young children, our teens, our adult children two thousand times a day? No, but this book shows you that though the kisses might slow down a whole lot, there are other ways to communicate with your kinds. Listening, and all the other ways to be gentle with your children, all the while setting boundaries. It's a perfect book! I loved it a lot!
December 29, 2017
I am finally marking this book off as read, but I am honestly going to be going back to it again and again. It is already dogeared, highlighted and underlined. This is the best parenting book I've read and the only one I feel I will continue to need. I cannot recommend this book enough, I am grateful for it.
December 26, 2018
This book is meant to be read with her other (very short) books, which I believe are self-published. As a standalone book it is a worthwhile read, but wants for more resources. This book is more introductory to gentle parenting, but worth the read. Her articles, blog, and books have been a lifeline to me in my parenting journey, and working with kids.
August 21, 2019
Very quick read on gentle parenting. There were all very short chapters and I wish she went into more depth in some areas. I felt like the overall book was lacking in something but I can't quite put my finger on what. Anyways, very good nuggets of wisdom and I have already changed some of my parenting (for the better)!
May 8, 2017
Good inspiration
A quick read that served as a good reminder of the parent I want to be and how this can be built into daily life as well as some of the early "big issues" like sleep and potty training.
A quick read that served as a good reminder of the parent I want to be and how this can be built into daily life as well as some of the early "big issues" like sleep and potty training.
July 4, 2018
This book is similar to Jesus, the Gentle Parent. It repeats the need to listen to and understand your child. The book's basic premise is that parents should guild and shepherd their children as opposed to controlling them.
June 19, 2018
It’s just so good! Like sitting down to coffee with another Mother who gets it all and getting the richest advice for making it all work better.
February 26, 2019
Some good advice in this book, but do your research since some parts are actually outdated.
November 26, 2021
The best book I have read on parenting.
March 26, 2022
I loved the list of happy memories to make with your children, it's such a wonderful idea.
June 17, 2022
As a mom who struggled to breast feed, this book was not for me.
April 7, 2023
I agree with some but not others. I'm glad I read it.
February 7, 2021
L.R. Knost wonderfully details why and how gentle parenting is good for our children. She gives guidance in a warm and relatable style. Since my son is in elementary school, I skipped over the parts for babies, but gleaned an abundance from the rest of the book. I will be referring back to “Two Thousand Kisses a Day” again and again, and highly recommended the book to all parents!
July 3, 2015
Gentle Parenting struck a chord with me -a very useful tool for all parents and parents to be
Before reading this book, I thought I was a fair and consistent parent who always showed my 4 children love and kindness. What I have come to realize since reading it is that even though that was my intention, I was getting caught up in controlling what they were doing with saying "no" all the time and using techniques like time out or the naughty step and on the occasion, yelling for effect. This book has shown me many positive steps to take to slow down, connect, listen and respect and I have already found the last few days of trying this, far more rewarding and less stressful than things have been before. I enjoyed the down to earth reality that the author provided and it was easy to read and digest, broken down into suitable chapters. The only thing I would have liked was to learn more on how you actually set the boundaries for the different ages and stages.... so off I go to purchase another of her books to find out more!!!
Before reading this book, I thought I was a fair and consistent parent who always showed my 4 children love and kindness. What I have come to realize since reading it is that even though that was my intention, I was getting caught up in controlling what they were doing with saying "no" all the time and using techniques like time out or the naughty step and on the occasion, yelling for effect. This book has shown me many positive steps to take to slow down, connect, listen and respect and I have already found the last few days of trying this, far more rewarding and less stressful than things have been before. I enjoyed the down to earth reality that the author provided and it was easy to read and digest, broken down into suitable chapters. The only thing I would have liked was to learn more on how you actually set the boundaries for the different ages and stages.... so off I go to purchase another of her books to find out more!!!
July 14, 2013
Calm, Reassuring, Likable...
Written in L.R.Knost's signature easy-to-read and conversational style, 'Two Kisses a Day' offers an overview of gentle parenting from birth through young adulthood along with concrete suggestions and insights into how to implement gentle parenting in each stage of childhood. Her seasoned and practical approach based on extensive child development research and years of parent mentoring as well as over twenty-five years of parenting her six children is as likable as it is reassuring. Parents with children of any age will find this information-packed handbook a very helpful and encouraging addition to their home library, as well as a welcome gift for new or struggling parents. A must-read, for sure!
Written in L.R.Knost's signature easy-to-read and conversational style, 'Two Kisses a Day' offers an overview of gentle parenting from birth through young adulthood along with concrete suggestions and insights into how to implement gentle parenting in each stage of childhood. Her seasoned and practical approach based on extensive child development research and years of parent mentoring as well as over twenty-five years of parenting her six children is as likable as it is reassuring. Parents with children of any age will find this information-packed handbook a very helpful and encouraging addition to their home library, as well as a welcome gift for new or struggling parents. A must-read, for sure!
April 12, 2013
This is a book you'll devour in one sitting and then keep close at hand for easy reference as your children grow. I don't usually think of how-to or self-help type books as being enjoyable to read, but that's exactly what this book is--enjoyable and relaxing. It offers lots of practical tips without the "you shouldn'ts" and "you must's" that can make parents either feel guilty for how they've parented in the past or burdened down with a list of regulations for how they should parent in the future. It actually makes parenting seem like fun again! I'll be passing this one along to other parents, for sure. Highly recommend!
October 13, 2014
A long time reader of LR Knost's blog, this book is a must for any parent (or supportive family member, teacher.. in fact anyone interacting authentically and with connection to another human being). I love her reminders about connection, stillness, honouring your child and their emotions. As a mother of six, you also feel the author is really talking from experience, that she genuinely treasures connection with her children, and helping others do the same.
LR Knost stands up for the child as an individual. This book stands up for me.
LR Knost stands up for the child as an individual. This book stands up for me.
May 30, 2015
As a new parent, I am in need of some how tos parenting. This book provides a nice way of gentle parenting that I believe is the way to nurture and guide a child. Some of the steps are not going to be useful for me until my toddler reaches those stages. But for now, I will keep this book and read it all over again when the time comes.
Thumbs up for L.R. Knost!
Thumbs up for L.R. Knost!
March 23, 2013
I would have loved for this book to be bigger and more robust. I liked what I read, appreciated ways to parent gently through developmental stages, and look forward to using it as a reference as my child grows.
March 25, 2014
This book was delightful. Very simple to read with a warm tone. The author offers great examples and outlines the basic steps to take to incorporate gentle parenting into your lifestyle. I will be referring back to this time and time again.
February 18, 2017
I won this in a Goodreads Giveaway.
A sweet read.
A sweet read.
September 3, 2016
a very quick, encouraging read. found via the rie blog http://www.janetlansbury.com/ which also has wonderful info.
December 12, 2013
Great resource for those of you looking to be Gentle or Peaceful parents.
January 19, 2014
I enjoyed reading this book and I thought it was a good introduction to gentle parenting. I guess my one complaint would be that it was too short and did not go in-depth enough.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews