Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific!

by John Rosemond

Focusing on the developmental period spanning age eighteen to thirty-six-months, which renowned parenting expert John Rosemond dubs, "the twos," "Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific! "offers practical parenting advice to ensure that every child's "twos" are terrific. By offering comprehensive tips on everything from toilet training to developing good habits for bedtime, as well as disciplinary techniques to control aggressive behaviors, "Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific!" approaches parenting in a straightforward, accessible manner that is easy for parents to implement and achieve success with their toddlers. No bribing, meltdowns, nudging, or cajoling are necessary. All parents need is consistent, firm, and loving interactions with their toddler to guide him or her during the developmental years. The methods described by Rosemond also translate to success throughout other life endeavors such as school, relationship building, and even productivity in the distant tween and teen years. To ensure that earthquaking foot stomps, decibel-shattering screaming, and consistently stubborn behavior are not the norm for your toddler, consult Rosemond's "Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific!."

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian, Education, Childrens, Family

255 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society. In 1999, his alma mater conferred upon John the Distinguished Alumni Award, given only once per year. Upon acceptance, he gave the commencement address.

From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.

From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.

Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.

In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.

All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was all set to give this book five stars (surprising even me considering how much I was offended by the last book I read by Rosemond). I really appreciated his description of meeting all a child's needs (ALL) until they're around 18 months, when they are old enough to start to learn that they aren't the center of the universe. He talks about child-proofing, containing rather than correcting bad behavior (because punishment doesn't do any good when you're two), and generally advocates a gentle, kind approach to helping two-year olds and their parents navigate this tough time.

Awesome.

But then he told me that co-sleeping and the family bed is insidious and that it creates dependent, whiny children who will never learn how to separate from their co-dependent parents.

Boo hiss about that.

I'm learned you've got to just take what helps from John Rosemond (as with any parenting book) and learn to look past his crazy posturing on certain issues.

[Cayla · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't often read a book that I so fully and totally disagree with. I think the best thing that came from this book is that I realized that, at least to a certain extent, I do have a parenting philosophy. I think toddlers are people, understand more than we think, and can be fun parts of the family. This seems opposite to this author's views. By the middle of the book, I found myself just reading to find more ridiculous things to highlight, rather than reading to learn. A few example of things I particularly disagreed with -

* The author is a big proponent of just saying "because" as a reason for anything. He feels that it is pointless to give kids a reason and feels that giving reasons suggest that kids can argue. I, however, think kids understand more than we think. We can give a reason and answer questions, but be firm in our decision.

* The author is very against taking toddlers out to eat and is even against family dinners! He thinks toddlers should eat first and everyone else should eat at a different time. I think family dinners are hugely important! I also see no reason toddlers can't learn to eat out politely. I don't even see how, in the author's world, it would work for the toddler to eat first. Does he really think the parents will later relax if they eat while the toddler is running around the house unattended? Here's a quote: "To be perfectly clear, I don't think toddlers should be allowed in restaurants that have waitstaff." Wow, he's not even saying he doesn't suggest taking them; he doesn't think they should be allowed in!

* The author discussed that toddlers have a short term memory, but he really exaggerated the point. For example, he suggested that timeout can only be a few seconds because toddlers can't remember past that. Although I actually agree that a 5 second timeout (what I use with my daughter) is strangely effective at her age, the idea that toddlers' memories are that short is a little silly. My daughter seems to have no trouble remembering the cookie she had on the weekend all week long when she asks for a "cookie, cookie, cookie" at every meal. I think she can probably remember that hitting was bad for an equally long period of time.

* He said not to use "don't" with toddlers since they just hear the rest of the sentence. So, he suggests, "don't hit mom" would become "hit mom" to their ears. Pu-lease!!!!! I'm pretty sure my child understands "don't" just as well as she understands "no." Such hogwash!

* The author is very pro stay-at-home parent. I don't want to completely criticize him on this because I do think it is a somewhat "brave" position right now, but I think his reasoning doesn't add up. He suggests a completely hands-off parenting style, but then indicates that it is entirely necessary for the well-being of the child to stay home. If he really wants a hands-off parenting style - not much interaction with the child, telling the child to go play, etc., then isn't daycare kind of perfect? At daycare, the kids go off and play for the day (while supervised) and then the parents collect them. I think stay-at-home parents are so fantastic for families who can make that work, but I don't think it's the only way to raise a happy kid.

* The author is pretty anti early-childhood education. He mentioned that you can see no gains beyond the first couple years of elementary school. I actually don't know enough on the subject to argue with him on this point, but this seems pretty contrary to what I've otherwise heard. I plan to research further for my own curiosity.

The final thing I didn't like about the book was that there was very little actual content and then tons of Q and A. The questions were often very similar. It's actually amazing that I found so much I didn't like in such a short book!

[Genean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned the terrible two's can be terrific if you're a middle-aged grandpa who doesn't have a toddler in the house and likes to dote on his grandkids and make money by overly pontificating in books. My feelings are very ambivalent about this book--details below.

The somewhat helpful things I learned:
- It's normal and therefore expected behavior for 2's to throw tantrums and scream and thrash. Nothing is wrong with your child or you as a parent when this happens. Learn to count on it happening. Have a plan to put into action. Stay unruffled and unemotional if at all possible.
- 2's aren't ready to sit in a time-out with a timer for several minutes. Too young. It's good enough to tell them to sit down, wait a couple seconds, and then tell them, "Okay, you can get up now." Gradually increase the amount of time they spend sitting in time out by a few seconds. (I have found this is working well when Smith tackles Oa, hits her head with his baseball bat, or hits us in the head with baseballs or other objects.)
- The best toys for kids are those from the bygone era of the '50's due to their high "play value" and ability to allow for make believe and pretend: e.g., lincoln logs, blocks, toy dolls, legos, and cardboard boxes, as well as basic art supplies like crayons, markers, and playdough. I would also add balls and sports equipment of all kinds.
-TV rots kids brains. We all know this. Who knows if it can be a factor in ADD and other disorders or not, but let's just say its' unattractive and highly disturbing to look over and see your child sitting passively, eyes glazed, nearly drooling. It can't be making them happy, and it sure doesn't make you feel like a successful parent. Go outside and get fresh air and exercise. That's what Rosemond says, and that's already what we do.
-If a toddler is rough with a younger baby, quarantine the baby from the toddler for 1-2 weeks. Do not let the toddler within several feet of the baby. The 2 year old must relearn that interacting with the baby is a privilege and that gentle behavior is the only acceptable behavior. After a couple weeks, gradually allow the toddler to have limited, brief, supervised interactions with the baby and help by handing diapers or pacifiers to help out. (I think Rosemond has lost his marbles on this one. On paper it looks like a good idea, but the execution is impossible. I separated Oa and Smith for a half a day by using a baby gate. It was a complete failure because he would poke her and push her over when she stood up at the baby gate in the doorway. Also, he threw things at her while in their car seats and enjoyed scratching and hitting her until I separated them. He still has good enough aim to throw things at her. Fortunately he doesn't know how to spit yet. Either back to the drawing board on this one Rosemond, or come to my house for a day and prove to me that it's possible to implement!)
-Rosemond has many insights on sleep training and potty training 2's; however, Smith sleeps fine at night and we haven't started potty training yet, so I didn't pay careful attention to those chapters.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's interesting to get back into parenting literature and remember all the obnoxious things about it. I tend to appreciate and generally respect more old fashioned parenting styles, but they also tend to be taught by really stubborn authors who don't bother to include research and have an open disdain for anyone who doesn't follow their advice.

So far, Rosemond has some great advice about how (and why) to take an authoritative attitude with a toddler, as well as having appropriate expectations for a toddler so that it's easier to take things in stride and not get frustrated.

But he also seems to take for granted that because something was done one way by our great grandparents it is inherently better. For example, from what I've read elsewhere, current research doesn't support his idea that children shouldn't eat with the rest of the family until they are about 4 years old. Rosemond thinks it creates unnecessary power struggles and stress, but from what I've read fewer family meals is crazy predictive of later delinquent behavior, and fun and united family meal time helps reduce picky eating.

Also, I don't think anyone ruined their child's brain by resorting to TV during the pandemic, and neither did I by resorting to TV during pregnancy exhaustion. He didn't provide any data for that, and from what I've read (mainly from ParentData and Techno Sapiens) my child will be just fine.

He's also inconsistent with certain advice, for example, "here's how to do time out well," and then a few paragraphs later, "time out doesn't work."

So basically, he's probably right about most of what he says, but he doesn't provide research to back it up and he's kind of annoying in the way he says it.

[Cav · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The year between a child’s second and third birthdays is the “hump” of parenting. Parents who get over it successfully set positive precedents that ensure smooth sailing from that point on, to the greatest degree possible..."

Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific! was a nice surprise. I started reading about child development recently, and have not enjoyed the last two books I read on the topic. Thankfully, this one didn't suffer from the same structural problems as those. It was a pretty decent look into the topic. More below.

Author John Rosemond is an American columnist, public speaker, and writer on parenting, with 15 books on the subject. He is also a parenting expert, husband, father, and grandfather.

John Rosemond :


Rosemond has a great writing style that's lively and engaging. This one won't have trouble holding the picky reader's attention. He gets the book off on a good foot with a well-written intro.

He drops the quote above about the pivotal change that takes place around the time of a child's second birthday. The quote continues:

"..The third year of life is when—if they are on schedule—parents set about establishing their authority over a child who has been on an all-inclusive entitlement program to that point. It is known as the “terrible twos” because as parents take on this task, the child pushes back with all of his emotional strength, and as anyone who’s been in this particular storm can testify, the emotional strength of a toddler can reach hurricane-like intensity.
Understandably, the child does not want the entitlements to end. In fact, he demands that they continue in perpetuity, leading to the toddler’s reputation for irrational defiance and out-of-control rages when he doesn’t get his way.
For two years, he has been led to believe that he is the center of the Universe..."

I think that most people who've raised kids have had a lot of trouble with their little ones at this pivotal time. How do you deal with a recalcitrant 2 year old?? A screaming, 10/10 forehead-vein raging toddler is one of the most unmanageable things a parent can deal with. From the last few books that I've read, you should apparently go out of your way to accommodate their every whim. That doesn't sound like a good idea, let alone a feasible one...

I think it's great that someone wrote a book about the subject using a common sense approach. Too much airy-fairy over-empathizing and negotiation can set up a kid for a maladjustment of expectations in later life. The world is not going to coddle your child like some of these books tell you to. Other children, adults, and the rest of the world are not going to care about any of the stuff they talk about. They don't want to deal with someone else's kid's crap. Society and social groups have rules and boundaries. It's important for children to be cognizant of these.

For better or worse, the period of time between 2 and 3 years old is an extremely important transitional epoch in the development of a young person. During this key time, it's important that the parents have a consistent plan that is compassionate, loving, and with a focus on helping your child adjust to the big new world in front of them:

"In the face of this tempest, many parents begin stumbling and losing their way. They hesitate, and in hesitating, they lose their authority. In the course of second-guessing themselves, they begin zigging and zagging all over the parenting playing field, trying to figure out how to please their little tyrants.
That’s the problem right there: trying to please someone who cannot be satisfied. By definition, tyrants are insatiable. Besides, the last time I checked, it’s the child’s responsibility to please his parents. The parents in question dither, reverse course, give in, blow up, and even give up. In the
process of all this zig-zag, they are apt to turn tyrants into full-blown monsters."

I did enjoy most of the writing here, although the formatting of the book could have been done a bit better. The book is haphazardly split between the narrative and letters from readers of his columns. The plot jumps all over the place at times. He should have split the book into sections detailing the common issues, and then included his case studies and reader questions.

I found most of what he wrote to be well-positioned and presented. His approach makes a lot of sense to me. IMHO, If more kids were raised as the author advises, society might be a bit more functional these days. He touches on this early on in the book, and I found the arguments he put forward compelling.

He disapproves of daycares until a child is 3 or over. In an ideal world, this probably would be best. But who do you know who lives in the modern West that can afford to be a stay-at-home mom for 3 years? They do exist, but it's something that is completely unfeasible for the average low-to middle-class mom in 2024...

Rosemond also talks about how to potty train your child before they're 2. I didn't know that was a thing LOL. There is also quite a long bit of writing about sleep training, and getting your child to sleep in their own crib.

********************

I enjoyed this one more than I thought I would. I like Rosemond's approach. He gives solid, real-world advice that should see children develop into excellent young people. I am probably going to read a few more of his books, since I completely disagree with the overarching themes of many modern-day parenting books.
4 stars.

[Richard · Rating 1 out of 5]

On page 8 of the e-book I encountered the thing that disqualifies any self-appointed self-help guru: a baseless attack against expertise.

The author says, more or less, that "traditional" parents never had any problems establishing "proper" parent/child relations. He says explicitly that he knows this because that's how he was raised. And he goes on a mini-rant about how "parent babble" from experts has somehow utterly destroyed the "natural" ability of parents to intuitively strike the one-size-fits all perfect balance of attention and distance that existed through the entirety of human history up until the 1970s in America.

Nobody should ever trust a self-anointed expert who goes out of their way to demand that you reject all other experts. Anybody who says "my way is the only way" is a charlatan, pure and simple. And when the charlatan tries to get you to buy into their scam purely on the basis of self-confident say-so rather than thoroughly analyzed, peer-reviewed data, then it's all the worse: it means they're lazy and that they purposefully blind themselves to all the subtleties and nuance, not to mention cultural variation, that exists in the world.

Can data-based "parenting experts" be wrong? Of course! And this potential for wrongness is magnified if it gets filtered through the popular press by journalists and editors trying to attract reader-eyeballs rather than precisely express what a given body of research has said. But even flawed data is still more trustworthy than a single person who tries to tell you the One True Way based on their memories of their own childhood, especially when they attribute behavior from a white family in 1950's America (a privileged position within an utterly unique time and place in world history) as a universal human "tradition." It's clear that Rosemond leans toward a sort of mild authoritarianism where he expects each family to aim for the idealized 1950's sitcom model with a distant patriarch and benignly-neglectful mother. He also somehow seems to believe that three-year-olds will be doing homework and taking tests at school.

It gets worse. External research reveals that Rosemond is in favor of spanking, but is opposed to therapy for sexually-abused children and believes that ADHD simply doesn't exist - all beliefs that, as they say, are not supported by research.

So I'll say it again. This book is a scam written by a charlatan. It might provide some food for thought, but I'd recommend not wasting your time and instead looking for a book that bases its assertions on data - or at least on accumulated advice from actual parents, rather than one rich white man's vague memories of how he was supposedly raised in the post-war golden age, re-labeled as some sort of infallible "tradition."

[Taylor Douthit · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely learned some helpful tips from this book, but sometimes I felt like the author had too strong of opinions on some grey areas that Christian parents are allowed to disagree on (when to potty train, co-sleeping, etc.).

[Erica Fitzgerald · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was surprised at how awful I thought this book was, because I loved Rosemond's "Parenting by the Book." It was so foundational to my parenting philosophy as a new mom that I was sure this one would be great too. And at first it was. I wholeheartedly agree with his recommendations to reduce or eliminate TV and cut back the toys to a few carefully chosen items that spark imagination. I also appreciated the reminders about parental authority and the need for clearly, concisely stating expectations. What baffled me was that he seemed to suggest it is virtually impossible to change a particular behavior between the ages of two and three, so you just have to manage it. I couldn't disagree more! Training is absolutely crucial at that age, where our kids are so impressionable and in need of our guidance. It is our job to teach them right from wrong and require obedience, not just grit our teeth in hopes that things will look up as they get older. He also said multiple times that toddlers don't belong at family mealtime; they should be fed beforehand and allowed to roam while the family eats. His discipline ideas were pretty odd and not biblical. I'll give it a couple stars for a few good ideas, but overall I definitely would not recommend this book.

.

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm so frustrated because I've heard some of the general parenting principles taught here before and agreed with them, but Rosemond spends so much time spewing hate toward those who disagree with him and packaging his advice in an overly simplistic misogynistic package that I just can't pick through it to find the good stuff (and there really is some). Instead, I'm going in search of Christian parenting books that aren't so full of self-righteous hatred and bitterness.

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCELLENT read. I actually laughed aloud a time or two. Cannot wait to implement a lot of these strategies. The only "negative" is the last bit - Mr. Rosemond recommends a child being at home with a parent until at least age 3 (a la - no daycare). As with most families in this day and age, dual working parents is a necessity - not necessarily a choice. Otherwise, though - GREAT stuff! Now I guess I need to start potty-training my 19 month old before he turns 2! :)

[Nana Yaw Okyere-Agyekum · Rating 3 out of 5]

My rating is really a 3.5 but I’m not sure if there is a way to select a 3.5 so I selected 3.

The author makes some really great points throughout the book such as:

1. Do not over prioritize trying to be your child’s best friend at this stage to the point that it undermines your ability to be an effective parent.
2. Parents have to be proactive and take control to lead their toddler where they think is best not the other way round.
3. The marriage should not be neglected in favor of taking care of the children. A healthy, united marriage is the foundation for great parenting.

He however made some other points that I found interesting:

1. The book is targeted at the stage where your child is coming up on 2 years. He assumes that before 2 years you place the child at the center of the family and prioritize giving the child whatever he or she wants even to the detriment of other relationships in the family like the marriage. He actually says in the book that by doing this in the first 2 years, you will create a monster but he thinks that is what you need to do in the first two years and then once the kid is approaching 2, you apply the principles in this book to reign the child back in. In my mind why would you intentionally create a monster for 2 years before reigning them back in?
2. He also advocated some techniques for discipline that might be pragmatic in getting the job done eventually but miss the point of obedience. For example if you tell your toddler to pick up their toys and they refuse, he advocates ignoring that disobedience until your toddler needs something from you (say they want to go to the park ) and then you tell the toddler that if they don’t pick up their toys they can’t go to the park. While this might get your toddler to obey eventually, I can’t help but think this approach teaches the toddler that they only need to obey when they stand to gain something they want from it.

Overall it was a decent book with some really good practical tips but I gave it a 3.5 because of the above.

[Victoria Glaze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pros:
This book felt like a chiropractor adjusting a joint: the result being a unloading of pressure and a sense of relief. Personally, I have felt the need to always watch my son, spank him whenever he disobeys, and make my son know he is loved by holding him during tantrums, coming to him in the middle of the night when he cries, setting up a plethora of rich interactions daily. It's exhausting. It is draining on me, my marriage, and all my relationships. Rosemond says (I'm paraphrasing) at some point, as early as 18 months, your child needs to not be the center of attention anymore. Instead, he needs to be dethroned, and you the parent need to take back authority. How? By letting him have his tantrums for 5 or so minutes in his room, by not spanking but also not doing what he wants until he obeys, and just overall a laid back parenting style that is less about correcting and more about containing the psychopath that is a 2 year old. Essentially: be authoritative, but relaxed.

Cons:
- He does not cite his "research." He frequently wrote "research shows" but didn't cite the source! How can I believe him?! He could be making it all up and just saying "research shows." There were no footnotes, no studies, nothing! Rosemond, c'mon, you got to cite!
- Most of his "evidence" is this: "well, they did it in the 1950s, and everything was better in the 1950s!" or "that's how my mom raised me, and see, I turned out great!" That is not good substance.

I enjoyed this book, and will initiate some of his techniques, but overall I felt like the supporting arguments were unstable and shaky. Without any quality support or backing, even scripture is something or a simple survey would do, the claims Rosemond makes seem shallow.

[Kelsey Gunia Tisdale · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this when my child was about 18 months old and I’m so glad I did. Obviously, I don’t agree with every single thing he says, but I got enough out of it that I did agree with or made my perspective change that I found this a very beneficial read before my child turned 2. I hadn’t even thought about starting potty training before 2 until I read his reasoning and I potty trained my 20 month old in 3 weeks!

My advice to future readers is to take the advice that works for you/your family and your mindset, and take the rest with a grain of salt.

Also, as a former teacher in early childhood education, I 100% agree with the shift in child centered around age 2. Not to say the child’s needs are not met, don’t come for me lol but I could very easily see the children in my classroom who were never taught a limit and thought the world revolved around them and, unfortunately, those kids are not well prepared for school and beyond.
I’ve taught my now 25 month old that I will help her, meet her needs, etc. and if I tell her I’m finishing dishes, I’ll help you in just a minute, she will continue playing by herself or wait patiently for my help when I finish. Why would we not want to set our children up to understand their needs are not the only needs to be met in the world?

[Randy · Rating 5 out of 5]

John Rosemond knows first-hand that the terrible twos can be a traumatic and disruptive period in the life of the family. He has also learned that it doesn't have to be this way. The application of a few basic principles can transform the experience of toddler-rearing from one of chaos and frustration to one of confidence and progress. The transition the two-year-old must undergo and his resistance to it show why this can be such a difficult time. He has been the center of the universe for the first eighteen months of his life, and properly so, but now his parents have to lead him away from that egocentrism to an understanding that the parents are now at the center. They have to make him believe in them; by conveying unconditional love and personal strength they have to, in effect, become his heroes.



This can be achieved when parents become what Rosemond calls "benevolent dictators." To describe this concept in summary and without clarification almost certainly runs the risk of misrepresenting the idea as one of authoritarian parents. All I can say here is that we have to keep separate the idea of authoritarian parents from that of authoritative parents. The two are not at all the same. The former, from a posture of insecurity, "demand" the attention of a child, while the latter project self-confidence and "command" the child's attention. Authoritative parents certainly listen to the opinions of their little ones, but they do not try to reason with them or convince them, as that is a lost cause when two year olds are involved. As such, the child is free to disagree but not free to disobey. Rosemond would have three understandings communicated from parent to child. First, "I am the center of attention in your life, but you are no longer the center of attention in mine." Second, "You will do what I, your parent, tell you to do." And third, "You will do what I tell you, bottom line, because I say so." These can sound so heavy handed until we realize that school teachers, if they are good ones, communicate these same understandings to their students.



The chapter on "creative discipline" I found particularly interesting. According to Rosemond, "one of the most unfortunate and prevailing attitudes toward disciplining children is the emphasis placed on punishment" (p.83). He is convinced that the key to effective discipline is not punishment, which is reactive, but management, which is proactive. (There is a time and a place for punishment but it is not to be the primary disciplinary approach). This means that the most effective time for dealing with misbehaviour is before it occurs. You have accepted that a certain problem is likely to occur in a certain situation, so you plan ahead how you are going to deal with it, and communicate that to the child. Then when the problem occurs, you are not flustered or thrown off balance. Instead, you know exactly what you are going to do and you do it, and that confidence and control in itself communicates a valuable lesson to the child.



A good example he gives is of the child who throws tantrums in the store whenever a parent takes him shopping. A proactive approach would have the parent communicate clearly to the child exactly what will happen if he misbehaves in that manner - they will leave the store, go home, and then, say, the child has to stay inside the rest of the day - and then follow through when it happens. No second chances, no negotiations, the parent takes the child home and follows through on the planned consequences, and over the next few weeks a dramatic change should happen in the child's in-store behavior. It is unavoidable that in the short term there will be wasted shopping trips, but in order to minimize their number, he recommends a few "dry runs" when nothing is really needed from the store.



Trying to discipline a two year old can very easily degenerate into power struggles that fluster and frustrate the parent more than the toddler. One key to preventing this is by ensuring that when the child misbehaves, it's the child, not the parent, who feels bad. The parents make the rules and enforce them "dispassionately, without any great to-do." Patience and some ingenuity are needed by the parent, as two year olds are very persistent little people and can hold out a long time. So if, for example, a child refuses to pick up his toys, it's useless to tell him he won't be able to go outside later because he has no concept of "later." He only knows about "now." The parent would be better off to just shrug, walk away, and wait for a strategic moment. This moment will arrive when the child wants to go outside and is told that he can go outside only after he has picked up his toys. He may pitch a fit but inevitably will give in and pick them up. This is a "nonpunitive way of asserting your authority that is emotionally cost-effective and keeps you out of power struggles."



Rosemond also discusses bedtime problems, potty training, and day care issues in this very helpful, easy to read book that sheds much light on an important precedent-setting stage. It need not be terrible if, equipped with knowledge, understanding, and patience, we parents lovingly and confidently take charge and do our best to lead the way.

[Lizz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rosemond has such strong opinions that I was a bit turned off by the delivery of much of his advice. In the age of podcasts and blog posts, I still enjoy a good parenting book and this was worth reading if you read several, but not necessarily one I would highly recommend to other parents.

[Natalie Schoeffler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Classic Rosemond. Great advice but sometimes a little much, overall I appreciate his approach to handling a two year old!

[Joanne Mallett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely got some helpful tips and of course some tips where I was like hmmmmm, maybe.

[Kelly Schuknecht · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few months ago I was nearly at my wits end with my 3-year-old son. A friend recommended this book and mentioned that the “terrible twos” for boys can sometimes hit later. I decided to give it a try. It took me a little while to get into Rosemond’s writing style. He has a very philosophical approach to this development stage, but as I read on, this approach began to help me see my children (then 5, 3 and 1) in a different light.

Early in the book he talks about stages of development and developmental needs. One of his biggest cautions in this area is television – which, according to Rosemond, contributes absolutely nothing to a child’s developmental growth. As a parent of 3 young children (all born within 4 years), I admit, the television can be my best friend whenever I want to get something done. Reading his views on television in the beginning made me almost stop reading…after all, how can a man whose children are now grown possibly remember how time-consuming children are at this age and understand how heavenly it can be for mothers to have them sit in silence, if only for 30 minutes? But, I decided to continue reading with an open mind.

I can understand why there are negative reviews for this book. Rosemond’s views are not always fun to read…especially if you are guilty of the behaviors he attacks (such as allowing your children to watch TV or sharing a “family bed”). At times my opinions differed from Rosemond’s. I’m not a child psychologist, but as a parent of 3, I believe I have learned a little about parenting throughout the years that earns me some credibility. Rosemond would lose some points in my mind whenever he would discuss how his approach did not work with his first child (a boy) and then how he did it “right” the second time with his daughter and how that proved the method is effective. Having three children, I’ve learned that what worked for my first (a girl) didn’t work for my second (a boy), and my third (a boy) seems to require his own individual approach to everything. I don’t believe that one approach to anything when it comes to parenting is “one method fits all.” However, the one main message I have taken away from this book is that when something doesn’t work, re-evaluate and try something else. I feel like I’ve been given a new perspective on parenthood and a number of ideas for how to handle some of the main issues that parents deal with during the “terrible twos,” which Rosemond explains can be anytime between 18 to 36 months.

Overall, I recommend this book for parents (and caregivers) of young children.

[Acacia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across this as a recommendation for a one year old who just wouldn’t listen to no. Odd, because this book doesn’t talk about how to discipline a 1 year old. It’s about two year olds, but ironically I still found it immensely helpful. By the time I started reading it, my son was approaching 18 months, which is where he says the terrible twos can start, so I began to find a lot of relevancy that I hadn’t expected.

I was skeptical about a lot of his suggestions since I knew little about his background or training (and successfully raising two kids didn’t really cut it for me as a resume), but I appreciated his straight-forward style and that helped me to feel like I wasn’t reading bs. I was surprised at how engaged I was by a parenting book and that so much of what he wrote just made sense. I think anyone who rates this low is likely just offended that his perspective doesn’t align with something they are doing and feel strongly about. If you read this willing to be challenged, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

He addresses topics like potty training, daycare, sleep, TV, and other issues. I particularity found his overview of the parent-child relationship, potty training, TV, and daycare helpful. I also just generally appreciated his attitude towards parents. In the end he leaves parents with, “You’ll never be perfect, but you’ll always be the only mother or father your child will ever want. So take that as a vote of confidence and do your best, because your best is always and forever going to be good enough” (226). That’s what we all need in a parenting book. Not something that tells us what a crappy job we’re doing.

I highly recommend to any parent with young children. Even if you feel like you don’t have time to read a parenting book, find time for this.

[Karin · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were several overarching approaches to parenting with which I agree in this book: not making the child the center of the universe or in control of the family, promoting independence and self-sufficiency from a young age, setting consistent boundaries and expectations, etc. For those reasons, I haven't rated this lower. But there were also many things about this book that were ridiculous. Saw your child's bedroom door in half to create a Dutch door? Teach your child to clean her soiled underwear by swishing it IN THE TOILET? Ummmm......no way. I also found it ironic that someone who promoted teaching self-sufficiency and setting expectations for toddlers simultaneously claims that two-year-olds are incapable of remembering anything for longer than 10 minutes, sitting still for longer than 30 seconds, or comprehending the word "don't," none of which comport with reality in my experience. The author also clearly had a sky-high opinion of himself, repeatedly including vignettes of grateful parents congratulating him on how his methods had worked perfectly. Finally, despite his representations to the contrary, the author came across as misogynistic, directing almost all of his advice to mothers and characterizing fathers as no more than secondary "assistants" to mothers during infancy. As a working mom married to a stay-at-home dad who could never be described as the "assistant" parent, it never ceases to amaze me how many parenting resources in 2017 are still mom-centered.

[Fanny Besem-Cordova · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this scam of a book in a day, some parts made me laugh, other parts made me roll my eyes. The author is a self-anointed expert who throws parenting advice like it’s 1950 without any basis in research. When a sentence starts with “research has shown that” and there is no reference to the research, I discard the following chapter. His methods might not be all garbage but it’s just one random guy expressing his opinion, which is just as valid as the next dad in line.
Some chapters are borderline ridiculous, such as the toilet training (lock them in the bathroom until they have something to show you), and his opinion on early education (one parent should stop working for 3-5 years to take care of their kid, what did you think a kid was? A hobby? Pu-lease.)
Eye-roll.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book so far is fantastic. It's no-nonsense, or more common sense, which feels like what I lack a lot of the time. I'm not that far in, yet, but already know that this is going to be helpful to me. It's somewhat in the vein of 1-2-3 Magic, with more background, and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours, with a definite focus on toddlers (who seem a little left out for bigger issues with bigger kids in that book). I have to laugh a little because the library copy I have has several scribbled on pages (obviously the work of some 2y/o whose parent was desperately trying to learn). I can just imagine the irony when it was discovered...

This is the best parenting book I've ever read. It includes enough reasoning behind "why" toddlers are insane in the membrane, without being dry and includes lots of questions from real parents of 2-4yr olds with practical answers/solutions. I'm going to have to buy this one to keep as a reference.

[Whitney · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought some of the insights on development and a toddler's need for independence were good, but most of this was pretty outdated. I disagreed whole-heartedly with just about the whole chapters on potty training and sleep. I got a few ideas on how to deal with the tantrums, the constant defiance and testing of limits, but that's about it.

[Kristen Gebbia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love John Rosemond's down-to-earth, common sense approach to raising kids. Sometimes I read books/articles about parenting and end up feeling guilty, overwhelmed, or even more confused. Not so with Rosemond's writing! Answers to questions about child training are clear, to the point, and simple to follow.

Some of my favorite thoughts from this book would be these:
*The two-year old has probably spent most of his life thinking the universe revolves around him. When he cried, mother picked him up, fed him, and tended to his needs. Now he's beginning to realize that he actually isn't the center of the universe. Adults are expecting him to be more independent and he himself naturally wants independence. But he also wants everyone to continue orbiting around him and his "commands". Thus comes the rough waters known as the "terrible twos" as the toddler tries to transition into the more independent stage of childhood.
*Most two-year olds need less intervention from adults; set up a safe environment for them and LET THEM PLAY, EXPLORE, and GROW on their own as comes naturally. We are raising them to be independent adults, and that starts in toddler-hood.
*Turn off the tv and READ to your child to promote brain development and mental independence.
*Chill out. Most "behavioral problems" (bed wetting, temper tantrums, etc) are just phases. If you treat them with a matter-of-fact attitude they will run their course faster. But if you make a big deal out of them, the toddler will too and it will take longer to work through.
*Young toddlers can't comprehend how the word "don't" cancels the command. So when you say "don't jump off the couch", the toddler only understands "jump on the couch". Keep commands positive ("you may jump on your trampoline") or simply say "no" and remove the toddler from the couch.
*Be authoritative and simple in communicating commands. Instead of saying, "Are you ready to take a nap?" or "It's time for a nap, okay?" be authoritative and tell your toddler, "It's nap time". Don't use 20 words when 5 will get the point across.
*Two-year olds don't need "play groups" or any early-development programs. Those sort of things only exist to make moms feel like they're doing more for their child. Toddlers don't understand the concept of sharing or other social skills until around the age of three, so save yourself the headache of trying to constantly referee a group of squabbling two-year-olds and just let your child grow and explore on their own. By the time children are 7 or 8, no significant difference has been shown between the toddlers who attended play groups and head-start programs and those who didn't.

All that being said, it's hard to find a child training book that I completely agree with. I'm not a huge fan of Rosemond's time-out sessions; I tend to agree with Micheal Pearl that the lonely dark corners of time out sessions prepare children for the lonely dark corners of jail cells. Time outs have their time and place; I just feel like Rosemond might recommend it in excess.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was precisely what I needed for this moment in my parenting life. It was helpful in providing new perspective, yet also affirming of much of what I have been doing.

Rosemond founds his advice on the explanation that for the first two years of life, a child really is and must be completely dependent on parents, who really should be responsive to the young child's needs, then. However, around the age of two, the child's capabilities have progressed to the point that he needs to move from being the center of the parents' universe to a little planet orbiting around the marriage that is the true center of the home. He makes the case that the year from the second to the third birthday is the most crucial time in parenting, setting the stage for the years ahead (perhaps especially the next major emancipation, in the teen years).

Of course, no one who has been accustomed to day and night, hand and foot service will gladly give that privilege up for a life of personal responsibility. Thus, the onset of the terrible twos! Rosemond contends that understanding what is going on in the life of your two-year-old is empowering to give parents the perspective they need to act with firmness and compassion. And, you know what? I think he's right.

I also especially appreciated his simple but powerful reminder that in order to help a two-year-old learn to control himself, you as the parent must be in control of yourself.

Having read some of John Rosemond's other parenting books, I do have to say that while I agree with about 90% of his advice, there is still that 10% that feels off to me. By way of example: In the section on mealtime issues, I was hoping for some useful methods to help instill manners at the family table, but the entirety of his advice is that children under 4 should not eat with the adults. I suppose that is one way to solve the issues, but I'm not sure it helps build family culture in the way I desire.

In fact, while I like Rosemond's emphasis (evident in all his parenting books) on the strong and healthy marriage as the key to good parenting, I begin to feel his views skew toward the two-child home, where parents have a fair amount of time to invest in systematizing things and thinking about what their children are doing, in a way that would be laughable to consider for a larger family. But then I suppose you only read parenting books with your first child or two anyhow!

Despite such drawbacks, this is still a really excellent book for parents of two-year-olds who want to civilize their little barbarians rather than placate them. (Lesson from history: Appeasement never works with barbarians . . . or dictators. Two-year-olds qualify for both jobs.) Its opening sections provide the helpful perspective, and subsequent chapters offer specific help for common difficulties.

[A Groker · Rating 3 out of 5]

First and foremost, there is some really great information in here for parents who are struggling with a difficult toddler. If you can read this book and just pull that helpful information, then great!
Rosemond, however, is not the most enjoyable read. He is painfully self important and easily dismisses and disparages colleagues with differing opinions. His approach to authoritative parenting is the only option, in his opinion.
I have two children. One will benefit from Rosemond's suggestions, the other will not. So parenting is not, as he seems to think, a one-size-fits-all situation.
We are not Christian and Rosemond's mentions of God's "plan" for parents and his allusion to the Ten Commandments felt trite. Along the same lines, if your household is not traditional, you may find his lack of inclusion annoying. Single parents, two working parents, homosexual, etc. don't fit as easily into his examples and directions.
Rosemond's causal misogyny manifests itself in off-hand comments where he laments the '50s, when divorce was rare--something he points out as an indisputable fact, without acknowledging that women weren't even allowed to have a bank account in the '50s, making their independence from men an almost impossible feat.
All in all, there is good information, but Rosemond is a turd.

[Jacob Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really helpful with certain techniques, like how to deal with huge amounts of toys and especially potty-training. The question-and-answer section at the end of each chapter was helpful too (though I got annoyed quickly at how often a 3 year-old child was referred to as being "38 months old").

Rosemond's approach to toddlers can best be described as "tough love," in that the parents aren't responsible for every single need a toddler has and are not at his beck and call 24/7. His goal is to teach your toddler to be independent, and every piece of the book is geared towards that.

I especially like how he is typically logical with his advice, and uses data to support it when relevant. Many parents think they know what's best for their kids, but sometimes our instincts are wrong and it's nice to have an unbiased third party to give advice.

If you agree with Rosemond's advice, you're going to like this book a lot, and if you don't agree with his advice it's unlikely he's going to convince you (i.e. if you like co-sleeping with your child, I doubt any arguments he makes here are going to convince you otherwise), but even if you disagree with him on most / all of his points, there's value in seeing a different perspective if for no other reason than to make you think about the way you're doing things now.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good! Very useful and doable tips and tricks for navigating the often-stormy seas of toddlerhood. Every child is different, but the lessons learned in this book are easily adaptable to each family's individual needs. I have begun implementing some of the methods with my 18-mo-old and have seen them work pretty well. The overarching message woven throughout the book is one of hope: as long as your child is healthy and happy, you're succeeding at parenting. I like positive-message books like that. It gives me hope that the next year and a half won't be bad. I even turned around and handed the book to a colleague with a child the same age after I'd finished reading it!

So where did it lose that last, fifth star? In the last chapter. Parents, if you work outside the home, skip the final chapter. Dr. Rosemond says straight out that parents who put their children in daycare are terrible. We are ruining our children. My child is in daycare 4-5 days a week and he's perfectly happy and well-adjusted. In fact, he has better manners than some other children his age because he is expected to help out and to share at his daycare.

[Katie Howey · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a young parent, I have a love-hate relationship with Rosemond. My parents swore by him, so much of what he says is familiar to me and makes sense based off my experience (duh). But then, out of the blue, he’ll say something that is just wild, unfounded, and in some cases, homophobic. He has VERY strong views on traditional families and marriages, and based on this book, attachment parenting methods and full-time daycare as well. The biggest downside, in my opinion, is that he will state that he has come to a conclusion based on his research, and then does not provide any sources other than his own opinions and observations.

That being said - most of his other advice is very good. This book a helpful, actionable, gentle guide to understanding and parenting your toddler, and I came away with so many good ideas and takeaways. He treats parents like people, and encourages them to treat themselves like people, which isn’t something I see often in parenting books. His common sense is greatly appreciated.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

To start off I will list what I liked about this book. Rosemond is against children watching television (check 1, so am I), he believes that fewer toys equals a more active imagination and a simpler childhood (check 2, so do I), he believes that a child needs to be able to explore his surroundings with minimal interference (check 3, I do too) and thus talks extensively about childproofing the home.

I thought it was interesting how he discussed not using the word “don’t” when disciplining a child because “don’t” is an abstract word that “refers to the absence of an action”. This is too complicated for a young child to grasp and therefore Rosemond says we should give a direction and tell the child what to do, such as “get down”. I’ve being trying this with my daughter and it actually seems to be working so hurrah!

And what else did I like…. Hmmm……

Well, now let me tell you what I didn’t like.

As a reviewer has already stated before me, John Rosemond is adamantly against co-sleeping, however, he seems to be confusing the term co-sleeping with bed sharing. The terms are not interchangeable. I’m a bed sharing mama and wouldn’t have it any other way. My fifteen-month old daughter has been sleeping with me since she was only a few weeks old and it’s made a world of difference to our family life. My daughter sleeps right through in the knowledge that her mama is right there beside her, protecting her, and I actually get a fairly good night’s sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I have sleepless nights too (don’t we all?) but in general I’m calmer, more relaxed, less stressed, and more productive than my non-bed sharing mama counterparts.

Rosemond would not look kindly on my family’s sleeping arrangements because when he talks about “co-sleeping” what he really means is “bed sharing”. Many professionals are opposed to bed sharing (some more than others) but almost all who work in the children’s sector would not deny the benefits that co-sleeping (when a child sleeps in close proximity to a parent, if not sharing the same bed) has on an infant. It’s almost common knowledge now that a baby is far better off sleeping in the same room as his parents for at least the first six months, if not one year. Co-sleeping drastically – drastically! – decreases the chance of SIDS in an infant. A baby actually learns to regulate his own heartbeat by listening to that of his mother.

Of course Rosemond uses the age-old argument that the child will become too dependent on the parent and not be able to dis-attach and eventually move to his own room, which is a complete fallacy, not to mention a contradiction on Rosemond’s part. In a later chapter that discusses day care centres and nursery care, Rosemond states that a child is better off in fulltime care with his primary caregiver until at least the age of three (true!) and that the parent-child relationship “forms an emotional attachment that secures the child’s trust in the environment. Trusting that the world is a safe, nurturing place, the child can begin the long journey toward emancipation with confidence, moving away from his or her parents and into the world.” In other words, if you establish a secure attachment with your child (whether through bed sharing, breastfeeding, or by not sending him to nursery) he will find it easier – not harder – to emancipate himself away from his parents and move towards independence. But it needs to be done in his own time! You can’t force it.

Generally, we’re looking at an age no less than three years for this process to be completed. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying everyone needs to sleep with their child until the age of three. We all have busy lives, commitments and obligations that would make this a near impossible task (I certainly can’t guarantee that my daughter will still be in my bed by the age of three) but the point is that if you try to separate your child prematurely, before he is ready, then you will most likely encounter some resistance. This does not mean you’ve made a clingier child by bed sharing, it just means you’ll have to help him ease into the new sleeping arrangements as he isn’t fully ready yet. But up until that point what you’ll have done for your child is nothing short of amazing.

One of Rosemond’s biggest arguments against co-sleeping is that parents need time together. This is absolutely true and I fully agree that your marriage must come first in all things, but this doesn’t have to be to the detriment of your child’s emotional wellbeing. I think too often Rosemond advocates an action based on convenience for the parents. Unfortunately, parenting won’t always be convenient for us and the lives we lived before becoming parents, but such is life. For instance, in one chapter a parent wrote in asking for advice on how to keep order with the children as they were due to go to a family reunion the following month at Disney World. Rosemond spent his entire reply spouting his views that young children should not go to adult events such as reunions. He didn’t even bother trying to give them any advice other than tell them not to go. Well, thanks Mr Rosemond, I’m sure that was really helpful for the family.

He is also completely against children eating at the dinner table with their parents. He thinks they should be in their own room at their own table. Personally I believe it is good for a child to be included in the family as much as possible so they can learn from observation and discussion and imitation on how to behave and what is expected. It may not always be convenient but convenience and parenting don’t really mix anyway.

So in conclusion I must say that I do not recommend this book. I know there will be many parents who don’t agree with my views and that’s okay but I hope I’ve managed to offer my thoughts in a coherent way so that some people might find it helpful.

Good luck in all your parenting endeavours!