One Flesh: Salvation through Marriage in the Orthodox Church

by Lawrence R. Farley

Is the Church too negative about sex?
Beginning with this provocative question, Fr. Lawrence Farley explores the history of the Church’s attitude toward sex and marriage, from the Old Testament through the Church Fathers. He persuasively makes the case both for traditional morality and for a positive acceptance of marriage as a viable path to theosis.

Genres: Marriage, Christianity, Relationships, Spirituality

160 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Father Lawrence, born in 1954, completed his M. Div. at Wycliffe College, Toronto School of Theology in 1979. After 6 years in pastoral ministry with the Anglican Church of Canada, he entered the Orthodox Church and completed a Certificate program at St. Tikhon’s Seminary in Pennsylvania and was ordained to the priesthood in 1986. Since 1987 he has served as the pastor St. Herman of Alaska Church in Langley BC, a missionary parish of the OCA (Archdiocese of Canada) founded by local laity, which has since grown to attain regular parish status and purchased its own building. Several priests, deacons, and lay members of new missions have emerged from the membership of St. Herman’s. Fr. Lawrence is the author of the Orthodox Bible Study Companion Series from Conciliar Press, and of a number of other books and articles, and appears in regular weekday podcasts on Ancient Faith Radio. He lives in Surrey B.C. with his family.

Reviews

[Marcas · Rating 2 out of 5]

A mixed bag. He makes some good points about Genesis and The Song of Songs, but doesn't seem to realise with other Orthodox like Fr Meyendorff or Dr Guroian that marriage is an eternal sacrament. The eisegesis about virginity/celibacy being a higher calling of the spirit, pitting this against the more 'sexual' Old Testament is really unconvincing and unfortunate. Fr Behr's work on both (Marriage and Celibacy) as forms of Martyrdom is much more exegetically convincing and profound.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quotes:

Our modern culture makes the heart the organ and locus of feeling. The phrase “I love you with all my heart” to us moderns means, “I love you with great emotional intensity.” In our culture, feelings and emotions are what matter and what bestow authenticity on any action. It is otherwise in the Scriptures. There “the heart” is the locus and organ of decision, not feeling, of will, not emotion. (Emotions in biblical metaphorical anatomy are imaged by the kidneys, or “the reins”; compare Job 19:27; Ps. 16:7; Prov. 23:16.)

Revelation from God is never simply about facts. Divine revelation fills and breaks and shatters and heals and rebuilds the heart, working like saving leaven to eventually transform one’s entire life.

We are distracted and absorbed by music, by headlines, by entertainment news. In short, we live on the surface, too easily absorbed and preoccupied by trivialities. When we fast, we have the opportunity to leave this all behind, to break through to a place where we can discern the basic from the ephemeral, what is really central to our existence from life’s passing adornments. Fasting allows us to see the world with new eyes, or at least with a renewed vision of what is essential. We see and know again in our depths that we are “hungry beings.”

In today’s pluralistic society, we too easily consider Christianity as one religious option among many, assuming that the alternative options to Christianity offer largely the same reality under different labels. The early Christians knew this was not true. The other religious options were delusions and half-truths; in the Church alone, as Christ’s Body, one could experience liberation from the power of evil and guilt and death through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Mary did not choose perpetual virginity after the birth of her son Jesus because sex was evil, but because she had been chosen as a special vessel of the Spirit.

Communicants do not rush to the altar, take the chalice from the Holy Table, and help themselves on the rationale that they will be allowed to receive it eventually. Rather, they wait patiently until the Gifts are brought out, and then they receive at the hand of another, namely the priest. Waiting is the essential component in grateful sacramental receiving. Protesting with the words, “I’m going to be receiving Holy Communion soon anyway, so why not rush in and help myself now,” would show a certain insensitivity to the holiness of the Gift. It is the same with waiting until marriage before having sex. The gift of one to the other is given by God through the prayers of the Church; one must wait until God gives each partner to the other. To have sex before that time would be like a communicant helping himself to the Chalice.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy to read little book about the Orthodox Christian understanding of marriage and sex. Well researched, well written and very helpful for common questions about these topics. I think as my kids become teens I'll include this book in the things I have in mind to read and discuss with them.

[Loserbeam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book explaining the Orthodox church’s viewpoint on marriage, abstinence, and sex. It takes our modern viewpoint into the time of the disciples and shows us the differences between what is now seen as normal vs what was confirmed to be the way of living for all God’s children.

[Brian Scanlon · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is nice to read a more balanced view of marriage and married sexuality in an Orthodox perspective. We have volumes on Monasticism and so very little on marriage as a path to God.

[Maria Parvulescu · Rating 3 out of 5]

more a historical 0verview/a collection of what the church teaches rather than a practical guide. Overall good though

[Stuart · Rating 5 out of 5]

One Flesh is an examination of marriage and sexuality in the Orthodox Church. It is written by Fr. Lawrence Farley, who is also the author of the Orthodox Bible Study Companion series. He begins the book by questioning and examining why popular culture believes the Church has such a negative view of sex. He also points out the popular argument of almost all our Saints being celibate, and wonders why so few married people are venerated and honored as Saints. Yes, there are notable examples like Sts. Mary and Joseph, Anna and Joachim, Elizabeth and Zechariah, to name a few, but a large group of "married" saints chose to live instead as brother and sister than as husband and wife.

Fr. Farley then turns to the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Church Fathers, and some Church Councils for a look at how each treats and views sexuality. For example, in the Old Testament he investigates the two Creation stories and the story of the Fall in Genesis. Looking over the text and examining it both in English and the original Hebrew, Fr. Farley concludes that the Old Testament has a positive view of sexuality. In his chapter on the Old Testament, he also cites Jacob's love for Rachel as an example of romantic love. In his two chapters on the New Testament, he examines repeat themes that occurred in the Old Testament and original themes to the New Testament. Some new themes include the equality of spouses, mutual authority of spouses, and consecrated virginity.

I really enjoyed and appreciated the chapter on the Church Fathers, as I have a deep love for Patristics. Fr. Farley does an excellent job presenting both the views of Eastern and Western. To sum up his findings, the Eastern Fathers valued celibacy over marriage. Marriage was considered acceptable, but it had to be a lawful marriage; the partners had to practice periods of abstinence; and sexual activity was reserved for procreation, not pleasure and fun. Western Fathers had a pretty low view of marriage and sexuality. Some even referred to sex between a husband and wife as "voluptuous disgrace, frivolity, impurity." And while Augustine did write a piece in defense of marriage, he still believed original sin was passed on to children through sexual activity of the parents, because all sexual activity originates from lust. Reading through some Patristics, it's no wonder people think the Church has such a low view of sexuality.

Fr. Farley closes with practical conclusions we can draw from marriage and sexuality, which you'll have to buy the book to read as they go a bit in depth. He also briefly explains why "marriage" between two men or two women is not a real marriage at all. This was a very enlightening and fascinating read. I wasn't entirely sure it was going to be my cup of tea, but the honest treatment of the subject matter and the views from both the Christian West and Christian East made it very fair and unbiased. If you are looking for a book to read on marriage and sexuality from an Orthodox perspective, this book is for you.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fr. Lawrence Farley's One Flesh is a good, short, highly readable review of the Orthodox Church's attitude toward and teaching about human sexuality. It opens with the question "Is the Church too negative about sex?", and the book is basically an extended answer: No.

I doubt that many modern, secular people will be moved by Fr. Lawrence's words: for most people today, the Church's teaching about the proper use of sexuality -- only within a permanent marriage of one man and one women -- is seen as "too negative" by definition. An argument that, within these boundaries, sex is good and blessed won't move them very much.

I was interested to learn of the consistent differences between Eastern and Western Fathers on sex: In the west, sex was often considered inherently sinful, but "forgiven" when used for procreation in marriage. This is the source of the Latin church's requirement of priestly celibacy. No such teaching has ever taken hold in the east.

At a few points I wish that Fr. Lawrence had drawn a clearer distinction between his own opinion and established Church teaching. For example, he sees no problem with the use of contraception for the spacing of children in marriage. This is a view shared by many Orthodox Christians, but I wish he'd noted more strongly that the Church is much more ambivalent on the topic.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the title to this book misleading. I was expecting a query into the ontological reality of marriage (as a sacrament) and sexual union of married persons. I also imagined that the book would speak of the martyrdom of marriage and the kenosis that must take place as such. Contrary to what the title suggests, the book is seemingly composed to combat adherents to the thought that the Church, Church Fathers, and scripture denigrate sexual expression even with marital union.

Fr Lawrence speaks about a scriptural understanding of marriage and sexual union in the first half of this book; in the second half he surveys the span of views held by the church fathers. All of this he does very well. He has valuable insights into the historical aspect of this issue . . . But it is not the book I thought I was going to read based on the title.

Same-sex marriage and fecundity in marriage are relegated to the last ten pages of the book--and, oddly enough, St. Gregory of Nyssa is not mentioned by name at all in the course of this book.

All in all I was expecting something much deeper and more to do with what the title would suggest. And as a result I was somewhat disappointed by what I found as I read through this book.

[Anam Cara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not exactly sure what I expected from this, but what I got wasn't it. It is certainly an interesting study of marriage seen from apostolic eyes as well as early church fathers. The best thing it does is in the final chapter pulling it all together and giving an apologetic for traditional (not same sex) marriage.