Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life features the wisdom that spiritual leader and counselor Henri J. M. Nouwen brought to the essential question asked by every Christian and seeker: What should I do with my life?
 
Nouwen emphasizes listening to the Word of God—in our hearts, in the Bible, in the community of faith, and in the voice of the poor as a way to discern God’s plan.
 
Although the late Henri J. M. Nouwen counseled many people during his lifetime, his principles of discernment were never collected into a single volume. Now, in association with the Nouwen Legacy Trust, Michael Christensen—one of Nouwen’s longtime students—and Rebecca Laird have taken his coursework, journals, and unpublished writings to create this and other books in the series exploring God’s will for your life.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Religion, Christian, Faith, Theology, Christianity

261 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Austin Bauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a Christian from a non-denominational, Pentecostal, and evangelical background. This book is amazing. There is so much good stuff about hearing and discerning the voice of God in this book!

If you have never read Henri Nouwen, this is a great place to start. This is a posthumous work edited by some of Nouwen's students. It is very well put together. One of my favorite things they put at the end of each chapter are the "exercises for deeper Discernment." These really helped think about what I just read and helped me apply it to my life. This book would be great for small groups, if your church does that.

I highly recommend not only this book, but any Henri Nouwen book. This is the third book I've read by him, but I would say that this is a great place to start if you've never read him.

[Laura Clawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

"God has created you and me with the heart that only God's love can satisfy. And every other love will be partial, will be real, but limited, will be painful. And if we are willing to let the pain prune us, to give us a deeper sense of our belovedness, then we can be as free as Jesus and walk on this world and proclaim God's first love, wherever we go."


An introduction to developing an eye and ear for how God is guiding us through signs in our daily lives:

Books: What am I drawn to read? What sticks out? What books have significantly shaped my life and history with God?

Nature : What do I notice about the world outside my head? What is true about the way the world works? How are scripture and nature speaking together?

People: Who has God placed into my path? And whose lives am I a part of? What words have people spoken to me that remain in my memory over the years? With whom can I share my questions and doubts and what do people reflect back to me in my search for home?

Events: What are the circumstances of my life and times in which I live? What might be God doing in my life and in the world?

Nouwen's continual admonishment throughout this work is to rest in being the beloved of God- and to warm ourselves by that fire daily -especially in seasons of discerning when to act, when to wait, and when to be led.

The later chapters touch on spiritual maturity, and the cross being the only way to journey there. Will revisit chapter 10 on Knowing the Time.
Would recommend.

"Jesus walks with us on the road, unrecognized; He joins us in our sadness and despair. Having been in the tomb for 3 days, he understands what it means to be stuck there. He listens to our story of confusion, disorientation, deep grief and loss of direction, human failure, and inner darkness. Yes, he is with us in our lostness.

Finally, he speaks. Jesus speaks from the tomb. He reveals from firsthand knowledge that God's love is stronger than our despair, that God's faithfulness reaches beyond the experience of divine absence, and that God leads those who he loves through the darkness of the tomb into the light of the resurrection."

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The third of a posthumously published trilogy planned by Nouwen, the publishers recommend _Discernment_ for an Advent or Lenten study. After reading it, I agree, they would be fine for those times, but even more important in Ordinary Time. Why? That's when we need to practice discernment the most: every day. Holidays and fasts and feasts have their expected liturgies public and private, their practices and traditions. But it is in the ordinary days that we tend to get lost, to struggle to know our purpose or answer our calling, to feel beloved and loving.

[Purshia Gambles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me a slower-paced, more contemplative person. Plus it made me more aware of the signs of life that God has used in terms of nature, theological review, and spiritual friendship to shape me to look more like Christ. Nouwen was a man of immense depth and the wells of his wisdom will be drank from for generations to come. I highly recommend this to folks who also love “The ruthless elimination of hurry”.

[Hannah Glass · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this because I loved one of his other books and wanted to see more of what Nouwen’s writing is like. In some ways, this was also a challenge for me to hear from different voices and people than I normally do. Henri Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest; I am … quite the opposite. Aside from the actual topic itself, I feel like this gave me more understanding and insight into Catholic theology and terminology that is sometimes a mystery to this non-denominational evangelical. I tried to read the whole book with an open mind. Some of his thoughts and theology differed wildly from my own (I.e., finding guidance through saints and their continuing presence), yet his writing felt just open enough to be ecumenical at the same time.
I appreciated his honesty on his own failings and questions as he sought the Lord’s will. I also appreciated his deep reverence for the Trinity and the Scriptures. Wouldn’t widely recommend (mostly because of some of my personal theological differences) but I enjoyed it. I will probably be thinking about the content for awhile.

[Bailey Riegel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a good book! While some of the more contemplative concepts seemed a bit far-fetched to practically apply to my life (like spending a year living among the poor), there were overall helpful themes and ideas. It challenged me to see discernment not only as seeking God’s will in the big decisions, but also as a way of life. I also appreciated Nouwen’s vulnerability when sharing about his own discernment experiences.

[Cookie M.]

Setting this one aside for another time.

[Bonnie Niu · Rating 5 out of 5]

It can be my book recommendation of the year. Before this one, I've read 3 of Nouwen's books, all of them enchanting, fascinating and down to the ground. There is always something peculiarly attractive in his works which I find deep connections with, he is not afraid of showing his weaknesses and struggles yet magnify the immense healing power from the Father. Some chapters of the book are highly connected to his Catholic background where I first found a bit hard to connect with, but all the points he has shone new light on my understanding on the apostles.

There are questions for reflection after every chapter, which I think would be quite helpful for both small group study and individual reading. In the first few chapters (and/or the introduction), it is suggested that it is crucial to put the plan into practice and I was intimidated by the requirements for the readers. I stopped halfway, fearing that my time would be gone wasted without actual practice (like spend a substantial amount of time to pray).

However, with the constant changes of my life and feeling perplexed about God and His will, I picked it up again and found it so encouraging and inspiring. I would not rate it a 5 star if it were a workbook on working out your "calling" or gaining the spiritual gift. Part of my reasons for dropping it off halfway lies in my fear of not being able to achieve the effect I wanted to achieve, e.t. being a highly "spiritual" person others found admirable and even "useful", Nouwen had the similar struggles but God just met him where he was.

This book somehow helped me know more about the author, the breakthrough was in the same vulnerabilities we all share. C.S. Lewis:"To love is to be vulnerable". Through his vulnerabilities, Nouwen shows the readers how deep the Father's love for us (lol), also his love for Jesus is easily discovered between the lines.

[Stephen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book felt... internally inconsistent. Don't get me wrong, I think think there are many passages and paragraphs that I would re-read and recommend to others. However, taken as a whole, I think this book presents an incoherent image of discernment. Henri Nouwen is so beloved by many due to his ability to convey his spiritual struggles and yet it is because of his struggles that I think this book falls short. In one paragraph, he will be presenting material on discernment in line with his own Catholic (and wider Christian) formation, yet then he will jump into paragraphs and paragraphs which contain deviations from the Christian walk, either in Mertonite ways or in ways that portray the heart of Christianity as extreme social justice.

This book, as a personal reflection would get three stars. As a book meant for teaching discernment, it gets two, only redeemable by a few passages.

[Brother Brandon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Aside from disagreements on theological points such as ecumenicalism and the divinity of man (this reminded me of things I didn't like when I read the later works of Richard Rohr), Nouwen still has a lot of wisdom to share in his practices for recognizing the presence of God. They are time-and-tested practices from as early as the 3rd to 4th century. I appreciated the sharing of these ideas.

Despite learning these theological positions of Nouwen, I am still thankful for his other work, namely, "Home Tonight" which deeply changed my conception of how to love and be loved especially around difficult and hard-to-love people.

[Matt Maples · Rating 3 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen books are usually very thoughtful reads that cause me to reflect on my approach to my faith. This book was no different. Most, if not all of us have struggled with the question of what God's purpose for our life is and what job I should do. Henri takes this a step further and rather focuses on your life mission rather than a vocation. This is an insightful book that has been very helpful to me.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took me two years to read and was worth every moment.

[Joanna Chan · Rating 3 out of 5]

“But over the years I have come to the conclusion that the greatest and most destructive temptation may not be any of money, sex and power. I wonder if the greatest temptation is self-rejection. Could it be that beneath all the lures to greed, lust, and success rests a great fear of never being enough or not being lovable? Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us God’s beloved. Being the beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”

“The wise ones of the desert felt that a direct confrontation with the forces of evil required such spiritual maturity that few would be ready for it. Instead of paying so much attention to the prince of darkness, they advised their disciples to focus on the Lord of light, and thus, indirectly but inevitably, thwart the power of darkness.”

“Walking in the woods with my eyes and heart open offered a reminder that a walk with a friend can remind us of God’s presence and peace even in the midst of confusing times. Just as fog is not uncommon in the natural world, perhaps confusion and lack of clarity are also part of living.”

“The Bible can be a good guide for our interpretation of events as we look to discern what God is doing and remember that God’s design and final purpose is that God will ultimately reign and God’s ways of love will prevail. God’s ways are not always our ways. God’s timetable is not always our timetable. Discernment calls us to settle into God’s ways of measuring time.”

“Clock time (chronos) is divided into minutes, hours, days, and weeks, and its compartments dominate our lives. In chronological time, what happens to us is a series of disconnected incidents and accidents that we seek to manage or subdue to feel in control of our lives. Time becomes a burden unless we convert it into God’s time. God’s time (kairos) has to do with opportunity and fullness of meaning, moments that are ripe for their intended purpose. When we see time in light of our faith in the God of history, we see that the events of this year are not just a series of happy or unhappy events but part of the shaping hands of God, who wants to mold our world and our lives. Even when life seems harried and continues to have hard moments, we can believe that something good is happening amid all of this.”

“If we are patient, we can look at all the events of each day—expected and unexpected—as holding promise for us. Patience is the attitude that says we cannot force life but have to let it grow in its own time. Patience lets us see the people we meet, the events of the day, and the unfolding history of our times as all part of that slow process of development and final liberation.”

“As I reflect on this reality, it is clear that God is present in the events of my life, yet I act and speak as if I am in control. But if the future is not in my hands, then I have all the more reason to stay in the present and give honor and glory to God from where I am, trusting that God is the God of life who makes everything new.”

“When our time becomes kairos, it opens up endless new possibilities and offers us a constant opportunity for a change of heart. The events of life—even such dark events as war, famine and flood, violence and murder—are not irreversible fatalities but rather carry within themselves the possibility of becoming a moment of change. To start seeing that the many events of our day, week, or year are not in the way of our search for a full life but rather the way to itis a real experience of conversion.”

“We seldom fully realize that we are sent to fulfill God-given tasks. We act as if we have to choose how, where, and with whom to live. We act as if we were simply dropped down in creation and have to decide how to entertain ourselves until we die. But we were sent into the world by God, just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do. These tasks may be very specialized, or they may be the general task of loving one another in everyday life.”

“The way of Christ is a self-emptying way.”

“I allowed myself more time to let things develop in me before making a decision. It was a gradual process of discernment. I trusted I would know what to do when I felt at home and experienced a call from God and from the people. I had to bring my search more intentionally into the presence of God and pray more directly for light.”

“To find my vocation, I had to come to Peru as a necessary step in the discernment process even if it did not become my new home.”

“My daily hour with God is not a time of deep prayer in which I contemplate the divine mysteries or feel a special closeness to God. On the contrary, it is full of distractions, inner restlessness, confusion, and boredom. It seldom, if ever, pleases my senses.”

“The presence of God is often subtle, small, quiet, and hidden. Our salvation comes from something small, tender, and vulnerable, something hardly noticeable. The Lord, who is the creator of the universe, comes to us in smallness, weakness, and hiddenness. When I have no eyes for the small signs of God’s presence—the smile of a baby, the carefree play of children, the words of encouragement and gestures of love offered by friends—I remain spiritually blind.”

“Sometimes we are consumed in our own personal concerns and dramas. We are poisoning each other’s capacity for love and transformation. No longer able to experience the inner vitality and outer confidence to make a difference in the world, we are in danger of spiritual death. Unable to recognise the gift of God in ourselves or in the other, we are lost.”

“This is a mystery of faith. Christ is with us and yet we await his full return.”

“This is not an easy identity to claim because to deserve being loved our society requires us to be successful, popular, or powerful. But God does not require our success, popularity, or power in order to love us. Once we discern our identity and accept God’s unconditional love, we are free to live in the world without being owned by the world.”

“He does this not because he has no patience with them but because their questions are the wrong questions; they are not the questions that live in God’s heart but belong instead to the fearful, anxious world of those who do not know who they are.”

“To love another is to realize that they have the power and freedom to hand us over to suffering, whether intentionally or not. When we are handed over, we wait to be acted upon. When the time comes, we let go of our wishes and desires and wait open-endedly for others to act, for God to deliver, giving up control over our future and letting God define our lives.”

[Judson David Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favorite from Nouwen, but still likeable in its own way. There are certain ironies I find in writing a book about Biblical discernment and then detailing the benefits of living in an all-faith community, but regardless of that, there are shoots of strong and beautiful flowers that spring up in the crags that this book became. Namely, in terms of discernment, his thesis for the entire book could read as follows, in his own words: "[g]etting answers to my questions is not the goal of the spiritual life. Living in the presence of God is the greater call. The gift of discernment is the ability to hear and see from God's perspective and to offer that wisdom from above to others." He goes on to say, "The question of where to live and what to do is really insignificant compared to the question of how to keep the eyes of my heart focused on the Lord," and these are great reminders and truths that I found I could hold onto from this body of work.

Critically, I think it could have been a lot more succinct within these pages, but after finding out this was published posthumously, I believe he himself would have cut out some of the parts that felt unneeded and hard to get through. Either way, after going back to read a few portions I had highlighted and underlined, I can recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a little long-winded pontification with a few gold nuggets as reward. There is much better (and shorter) Nouwen out there imo, but parts of this are a good foretaste.

[Sarah Roe-Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen maintains a steady trajectory aimed for Christlikeness. He gives simple and helpful direction to engage with literature, self-reflection, individuals, and even nature to assist in discernment of our life’s purpose. The most enjoyable part of this text for me was Nouwen’s perspective within the writing: this acclaimed professor and priest presented himself as simply a fellow journeyman. He presented wisdom right alongside questions and hesitations. He showed direction but he also displayed lostness. The display of his humanity was a gift, and assisted me in my own discernment as well. It showed me that uncertainty is part of the journey, and continuing toward Christ is always a good choice.

[Jared Kassebaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

A phenomenal end to the trilogy of Spiritual Formation, Spiritual Direction, and Discernment trilogy published posthumously. All three are worth reading. I listened on audiobook, and these three consistently brought me back to a desire for humility and God's presence. Henri Nouwen has been, along with Thomas Merton, one of the most important voices for me in re-ordering my heart toward spirituality, not as a pursuit of more accolades within the faith, but as a pursuit of humility. (All three are often on discount on the Chirp app in audiobook, if you check occasionally.)

[Ellie Shaheen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen offers beautiful, honest, articulate insights into how we, as Christians, can better recognize the traces of God around us.

“Getting answers to my questions is not the goal of the spiritual life. Living in the presence of God is the greater call. Living with the gift of discernment is the ability to hear and see God’s perspective and to offer that wisdom from above to others.” P. 67

This book helped me better understand the language of God, in both its simplicity and complexity. I highly recommend this book!!

[Jonah Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains helpful direction about the many facets in a life of discernment. The book is different from many of Nouwen’s other works, as it is a posthumous compilation from many sources. As such, there are parts that feel a bit disjointed, and some chapters don’t contain a particularly clear connection to the topic of discernment. But, others are especially good. Chapters 7 and 10 in particular, about discerning vocation and the tension of when to make changes and when to wait, provide particularly helpful insights.

[Ashley Richelsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think all christians should read Henri Nouwen! 💁🏽‍♀️ I had 40 highlights in my kindle because it’s just. so. good. a slow burn, lenten season read for me!!! 💜

“Always, there is sadness and joy, fear and love, resentment and gratitude; there is nervousness about next week, next month, next year. Yes, there is so much going on beneath our feet that we are wondering if we can keep walking on all these waves. But Jesus is with us here and now. As long as Peter keeps his eyes fixed on Jesus, he can walk on the water.”

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated listening to this so much, I found a used paperback copy so I can refer to it often. Insightful messages and great exercises and reflections at the end of each session.

I particularly continue to reflect on this in two areas:
* if I am having a hard time discerning about a certain part of my life, is there something I think I'm hiding from God (or others) in this area? Am I ready to be more known in order to know more?
* if I want to know what God is saying, pay close attention to the people he is bringing into my life. Are they speaking into my life in a way that is really a message from God?

[Josh Samarco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen's work is always a classic. He is a much-needed voice in understanding our journeys in life and also listening to the voice of God. I loved this book!

[Graydon Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Henri Nouwen’s thoughts on just about everything!

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had mixed feelings about this book. It was a slow read and required some deep thinking. While I did glean some useful ideas they were not in proportion to the amount of time invested. I'm ready for a lighter read.

[Ron · Rating 2 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen was a beacon to many people who try to live the spiritual life. He was famous as an educator - at places like Yale and Harvard. But what Nouwen did best was to share his story, showing all of us that the spiritual life is an adventurous way to live. Laird and Christensen have edited Nouwen's writings, both public and private, to show us, in a seamless and intimate way, Nowen's own struggles and the discernment processes he followed to grow in his relationship with God and the world. Like any good spiritual director, Nouwen makes the process very down-to-earth, showing how his interactions with all of God's creation, and prayer, led him to the branching off path that would take Nowen ever closer to his real self and thus to God. Anyone familiar with The Spiritual Exercises would find much to relate to here, though it is warmer and more personable. I recommend it. One need not be Catholic or even Christian to get something out of this even though Nouwen writes from a very Christian perspective.

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I originally bought this book before I knew the other two existed, and I'm glad I was able to read it and see his perspective on how God talks to us through our days and how we can discern what is/is not said.

He was a Catholic Monk with what many would say was a very universalist liberal theology. It made me smile. Again, as with the first two books in this trilogy, it is suggested that the book be read in community and I think that would be an awesome thing. The discussion that could come from every chapter could be so deep but you would have to trust the people you were with in order to really say what was on your mind. Though, I guess that is true with any discussion. I was originally planning on rereading all the books slower and doing the exercises, but unless I had a group to do them with I don't think I will. I could change my mind though, who knows.

[Ben Fike · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of Nouwen's writings on discernment was complied by friends and students after Nouwen's death. I found it a helpful exploration of Nouwen's writings and teachings on discernment. It is well organized and I imagine would be especially well suited for a small discussion group. It also offers a look at how Nouwen "practiced what he preached" by detailing some of the ways Nouwen himself discerned Christ's presence in his life and led him on his own journey. For those already familiar with Nouwen's work, I think they will find his voice expressed in this book a helpful companion. For those unfamiliar with Nouwen's writings, many other books like The Way of the Heart or In the Name of Jesus probably provide a better starting place.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first few chapters of this book were my favorites, I have gone back and reread all that I underlined in the first half of the book. In some spots and mostly in later chapters I found that I differ significantly on a few theological issues. This did not hamper my appreciation for the wisdom contained in the book. Though not written by Nouwen but taken from his diaries and writings the book revealed such a personal, transparent and vulnerable journey that I could easily identify with the search for God's direction. His openness and struggle lend credence to his instruction in discerning the voice of God in scripture, nature, and sometimes through the words of other believers.

[Keith Uffman]

Nouwen isa must for those in the 2nd half of life.... brilliant. His biography is excellent, too

[Chris Ewing · Rating 2 out of 5]

Basic. Heresy in epilogue. Consider a different text.