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Temptation Bangs Forever: The Worst Church Signs You've Ever Seen
Temptation Bangs Forever is a collection of over 200 of the most horrific and unintentionally hilarious church signs from over three years of submissions the the Crummy Church Signs blog. From the inexplicably hostile ("SATAN WILL RULE YOU ALL") to the cringe-inducing ("THE SIZE OF THE TOOL DOESN'T MATTER IN THE MASTER'S HAND"), these signs will have you shaking your head, gasping in horror, and laughing until you weep.
- GenresHumorNonfiction
252 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2008
21 people are currently reading
55 people want to read
About the author
Robert Kroese
70 books632 followersRobert Kroese's sense of irony was honed growing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan - home of the Amway Corporation and the Gerald R. Ford Museum, and the first city in the United States to fluoridate its water supply. In second grade, he wrote his first novel, the saga of Captain Bill and his spaceship Thee Eagle. This turned out to be the high point of his academic career. After barely graduating from Calvin College in 1992 with a philosophy degree, he was fired from a variety of jobs before moving to California, where he stumbled into software development. As this job required neither punctuality nor a sense of direction, he excelled at it. In 2009, he called upon his extensive knowledge of useless information and love of explosions to write his first novel, Mercury Falls. Since then, he has written 18 more books.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 11, 2021
Funny Church signs!
Temptation Bangs Forever is a crazy book that has tons of church signs with comments added beneath that add that extra hilarious touch. I giggled and snickered all the way through the book! Totally witty and funny! Loved it!
Temptation Bangs Forever is a crazy book that has tons of church signs with comments added beneath that add that extra hilarious touch. I giggled and snickered all the way through the book! Totally witty and funny! Loved it!
June 4, 2017
3.5 stars for this quirky collection of church signs and commentary. Especially enjoyed the essay by my former colleague Matt Appling!
September 22, 2018
Remember the Tackiness on Holy Ground thread on my blog? It hasn't been very active lately. But it's been over four years since I moved away from the St. Louis neighborhood served by a Lutheran church whose pastor literally wrote the book about what to put on your church's sign if you have really bad judgment. Now, to steal the thunder from my rants about tacky church signs is this book by the author of the "Mercury" novels (Kroese), whom I first encountered through his hilarious but now defunct blog "Mattress Police," and another humor blogger (Bezaire) who specialized in, well, tacky church signs.
This book is basically a photo album of the best, I mean the worst, of the church signs Bezaire collected, with snappy comebacks by both of them and section intros by some guest contributors whom I will not name here. It would probably be a sufficient review of this book if I were to say, simply, that I am envious of their opportunity to contribute to a book like that. I think it would have been a gas to be part of that crowd. But reading the book was reasonably gaseous as it is. It amply documents the fact that authors of church sign sentiments often lack not only good taste or a sense of the proper tone for their subject matter and medium, but also have trouble with spelling and grammar, a blind spot to breathtakingly inappropriate ways a person of average or below-average piety may interpret what they wrote, and a tendency to try so hard to seem "with it" that they only prove how out of touch they are. For example, take the sign that lends its punchline to the title of this book: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS 1X - TEMPTATION BANGS FOREVER. Yeah, it really said that. The book has photographic evidence.
It's such a ridiculously short book, and even more quickly read than its length would suggest, that I almost feel guilty about writing a review of it. But it was fun, and the fun was about something I actually care about. Like Kroese and (I think even more so) Bezaire, I poke fun at bad church signs not to be blasphemous, but in a sort of cathartic way, because if I didn't laugh I would perhaps have to cry. In a similar way, I go after church music that I think is tacky in the context of Lutheran worship, not because I want to run nice religious people down but because I think what is taught and confessed in the sung portions of the Divine Service is too important to leave in the hands of people who haven't the least sensibility about it. For a better witness to the outside world and a stronger grasp of our own faith, we owe it to ourselves as churchgoing people to learn from, and turn from, mistakes like the ones laughed at in this book. And if we laugh at them in fun, well, that's gravy.
This book is basically a photo album of the best, I mean the worst, of the church signs Bezaire collected, with snappy comebacks by both of them and section intros by some guest contributors whom I will not name here. It would probably be a sufficient review of this book if I were to say, simply, that I am envious of their opportunity to contribute to a book like that. I think it would have been a gas to be part of that crowd. But reading the book was reasonably gaseous as it is. It amply documents the fact that authors of church sign sentiments often lack not only good taste or a sense of the proper tone for their subject matter and medium, but also have trouble with spelling and grammar, a blind spot to breathtakingly inappropriate ways a person of average or below-average piety may interpret what they wrote, and a tendency to try so hard to seem "with it" that they only prove how out of touch they are. For example, take the sign that lends its punchline to the title of this book: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS 1X - TEMPTATION BANGS FOREVER. Yeah, it really said that. The book has photographic evidence.
It's such a ridiculously short book, and even more quickly read than its length would suggest, that I almost feel guilty about writing a review of it. But it was fun, and the fun was about something I actually care about. Like Kroese and (I think even more so) Bezaire, I poke fun at bad church signs not to be blasphemous, but in a sort of cathartic way, because if I didn't laugh I would perhaps have to cry. In a similar way, I go after church music that I think is tacky in the context of Lutheran worship, not because I want to run nice religious people down but because I think what is taught and confessed in the sung portions of the Divine Service is too important to leave in the hands of people who haven't the least sensibility about it. For a better witness to the outside world and a stronger grasp of our own faith, we owe it to ourselves as churchgoing people to learn from, and turn from, mistakes like the ones laughed at in this book. And if we laugh at them in fun, well, that's gravy.
March 5, 2017
Full disclosure: Joel and Rob are both good, personal friends of mine and are some of my favorite people. They're also both absolutely freaking hysterical, which, now that I think about it, is definitely in the affirmative column for why they are some of my favorite people.
Their commentary in this book of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad church signs is always face-palmy, never cruel, and always spot-on.
Where's the sequel, boys? Come on.
Their commentary in this book of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad church signs is always face-palmy, never cruel, and always spot-on.
Where's the sequel, boys? Come on.
March 17, 2017
The book was exactly what it claimed to be: a collection of accidentally funny bad church signs. You can't fault it for that. It was an amusing quick read. I was surprised at how short it was.
If you want a quick read with some laughs, this will fit the bill. But it is nothing to get too excited about.
If you want a quick read with some laughs, this will fit the bill. But it is nothing to get too excited about.
August 13, 2009
Whether you're an atheist or a Bible-thumper, this book WILL make you laugh until you hurt. From unintentionally hilarious misspellings to theological WTFs, you won't be able to put it down.
January 28, 2013
Crummy church signs and very funny commentary make for a fun and easy read without being cynical and snooty. A good example of taking an idea from the internet and spreading it further via book.
February 1, 2013
I devoured this in one sitting, laughing the entire time. The church signs and accompanying commentaries and essays are hilarious. It was pure joy reading this.
September 22, 2018
so wrong. but oh so right! love it.
March 11, 2017
I laughed. I cringed. I raised my eyebrows on both counts. And enjoyed this book very much.
August 2, 2017
I obtained this book through the Kindle Unlimited program.
Goofy, mostly.
Some of them actually contained a morsel of goodness to make you think or be grateful.
Some, on the other hand, were horrible, and made you want to slap somebody.
All in all, it provided me with amusing diversion for an hour or so, and that's exactly what I needed
Goofy, mostly.
Some of them actually contained a morsel of goodness to make you think or be grateful.
Some, on the other hand, were horrible, and made you want to slap somebody.
All in all, it provided me with amusing diversion for an hour or so, and that's exactly what I needed
May 7, 2017
I bought this on Amazon on a whim since there was a deal and it was briefly for free, and I'm glad I did! It was a goofy, fun, and fairly quick read.
March 27, 2017
Some of these signs are amusing. But the commentary by the writers is marred by their snicker-snicker-sneer-sneer attitude toward people who are Not Like Us. For crying out loud, one of them implies that announcing a "White Easter" is rasizzt. Umm, have you looked up "liturgical colors" and found that white is the one for Eastertide?
October 7, 2017
A fun little read but, for me, nothing special. The 12 year-old in me found some of them quite funny but over all most were snicker worthy.
April 18, 2017
A funny book on silly church signs. Good for coffee tables or to just browse through. Recommended for anyone looking for a quick laugh ;)
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews