Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook

by Ellyn Satter M.S. R.D. L.C.S.W. B.C.D

Ellyn Satter is an internationally recognized authority on child nutrition and feeding. She is a Registered Dietitian with masters degrees in both nutrition and social work, a holder of the Diplomat in Clinical Social Work, has a private psychotherapy practice where she specializes in treatment of eating problems with people of all ages, and is a sought-after speaker and consultant. During her 35 years of teaching, counseling and writing she has touched many lives and empowered inividuals and clinicians alike to become healthier and more positive in their relationships with children, with food and with their own bodies.

Genres: Parenting, Food, Nonfiction, Nutrition, Health, Cookbooks, Cooking

322 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book. I love Ellyn Satter's viewpoint on feeding children (and ourselves). Basically her opinion is that we're all too paranoid about adhering to strict rules about what and how much we should eat, and that our bodies naturally regulate enough for us. She endorses having family meals, and that the parents are responsible for providing the meals at appropriate times, but the children are responsible for deciding what parts of the meal and how much they want to eat. I had been worried about Rachel's picky eating habits and had been starting to try to force her to eat certain things. I'm now changing that attitude, and I can already see it making a difference for the better. I think this is a good read especially for young mothers. The author has also written a book called "Child of Mine" that I also plan on reading, though I'm expecting it to be more of the same.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended by a friend who also happens to be a dietician, this book has changed the way we view Abigail's eating. Written like a textbook, the author encourages you to read only the parts you need. Our meal times have been transformed using her stress-free approach to family meals and scheduled snacks around the table. We are happier, not cooking multiple meals, and Abigail is trying more new things daily. This is a must read for any new parent or any parent struggling with a "picky" eater.

[Charlotte Chan]

I love how Ellyn Satter is truly the non judgemental dietitian. Her entire philosophy surrounding eating competence and family meals is so important- many concepts may be extremely foreign to many families, however it is something that should be taught everywhere. Although she discusses how the ecSatter/meal planning can be adjusted for different cultures, I think it would be fascinating if she further discussed eating traditions and cultural differences for a wider diversity of families (the book definitely was written with an American target demographic though)

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for everyone. Yes, it appears to be geared towards families with children, but Satter's definition of "family" includes any possible configuration one could think of, including single people. You could easily skip the section that deals primarily with children and still get everything important out of this book. And if you *do* have children, this book may be even more important, in terms of providing your kids with the basis for a healthy relationship with food and potentially preventing eating disorders which are becoming more and more prevalent and at younger ages. The book is straightforward, evidence based (with citations all over the place) and sensible. Go pick it up and check it out. You will thank yourself, I think.

[Christi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting book. I'm glad I read it (quickly) and thought it had some really interesting things. It'd promotes a healthy and unbiased view of eating and dieting without using shame or fear too much. It also offers practical advice for parents who are overworked and have no time to make sure the food is perfect. There were things I liked and didn't, but overall it just wasn't groundbreaking for me. I'm not sure I'm the target audience though, since I'm not so much worried about dieting or my weight or eating disorders. So a good read, but nothing I'd have missed if I hadn't read it. *I am trying out her method on my kids though, so this may change depending on the results of my experiment.* Four stars for being scientific, laid back, not alarmist!, and for only a little blaming of the parents :)

Pros--it is based on science, and she is actually a certified professional. So many of these eating books right now are just people who are interested, but have no background! I also liked her approach to just trusting yourself and giving yourself permission to enjoy your food/eat/etc. (I also liked her coping techniques when food gets you emotionally anxious, etc.) I enjoyed reading her new take on parenting kids to be good eaters and am interested in trying some of out it. I found her writing direct and easy to understand without being too scientific or jargon-y.

Cons--The book isn't groundbreaking. I imagine working with her would be more so. The book also feels like a major pitch for her program/practice which I found off-putting. I really liked the parenting/teaching kids chapters but they make up a tiny portion of the book. The last half of the book is cooking techniques and recipes that are REALLY basic and, while healthy, are probably the kind of recipes most of us grew up on when Mom didn't feel like cooking (tuna noodle casserole, anyone?) Although it was interesting to skim that, I didn't find it that helpful for my or my family's tastes. To be fair, it would be immensely helpful to someone who doesn't feel like they know their way around a kitchen or feeding a family.

[Katharine · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an RD and mom, I'm a longtime disciple of Ellyn Satter's division of feeding responsibility with kids. I think her books should be required reading for parents- I see so many adult eating issues that date back to poor family eating habits. I'm not talking about nutrition, I'm talking about the act of feeding + teaching your kids to be competent eaters. Her writing style is easy and enjoyable to read, yet also appealing to academics with the research-based appendices. The only negatives of this book (for me) are that the recipes (only a portion of the book) don't seem overly appealing, and that I think she suggests offering too many foods at each meal- I totally understand mixing familiar with new foods at each meal, but if I offered bread and milk at each meal, my child would actually be *less* inclined to eat the more adventurous things. Those are teeny, tiny criticisms of a fantastic book- HIGHLY recommend for parents, parents-to-be, and nutrition professionals. Also recommend her 'Child of Mine' book.

[Juliana Han · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a bit of a slog, but worth it if you need some guiding principles for feeding your family ... or yourself.

Satter is perhaps best known for the "Division of responsibility": the parent is responsible for the what, when, and where of feeding. Children are responsible for the how much, and whether they eat. That means no forcing your kid to eat. Instead, she recommends structured sit-down meals and offering a variety of foods, including protein, carbs, and fat at each meal.

I read this to help me figure out what to cook for my kid, but this book really changed how I view my own eating habits. Her overarching message is that we can trust our internal regulation skills, and that we mute or distort what our bodies are telling us with negative messages around food. The stories made me realize how often our attitudes towards food are judgmental, negative, and restrictive - and actually make us eat worse. I'll be monitoring my self-talk around food from now on.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I learned: Don't be a food snob. If you paralyze yourself with food rules and moral judgments about food you will end up at the drive through. Trust yourself and your ability to know when you have eaten enough. Provide yourself (and your family) with regular meals and snacks. Don't go more than 2-3 hours without eating. Division of responsibility = you provide when, where, what to eat and kids decide if and how much they will eat. Don't follow food fashion. Don't worry about macronutrients. At mealtimes make one meal for everyone but make sure there is one universally liked food at every meal (bread is fine). Take the pressure off and continue to offer a variety of foods - even if they are consistently rejected.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ellyn Satter is the queen of eating and feeding a family. She believes in finding joy in food through more structure around meals and food predictability and fewer rules around what you eat. She responds to our country's neurosis around food and encourages us to find the joy in eating and our appetite. "To feed yourself and your family well, you have to make eating a priority. To be willing to make eating a priority, you have to take the guilt out and put the joy back in." She just makes so much sense and will make people who have lived their life dieting and restricting food take a pause to consider the detrimental effects of the restrictive lifestyle and embrace this radical yet common sense approach.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a registered dietitian nutritionist and plan on having children, so I have a personal as well as a professional interest in this topic. This book is ground-breaking for helping parents guide their kids to become healthy, normal eaters! I plan on giving it to all of my friends when they have kids. It helps to lay the foundation for peaceful family mealtimes and healthy relationships with food for children (and parents, too). The recipe section gave some good ideas for ways to flavor foods to make them enjoyable to eat (particularly fruits and vegetables), but that section of the book was just a bonus in my opinion - not what made the book amazing.

[Wylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly cannot say enough good things about this book. It's unsexy and sensible and has been so helpful as we think about how to approach feeding our toddler. Moreover, it's given me the means to re-evaluate my own eating practices and ways of thinking about food. In both instances, Satter's work has the effect of taking so much of the anxiety out of eating and feeding, and of returning our relationship with food to a place of earthy enjoyment.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who eats! :)

[Rebecca Henn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent data to back up the simple but difficult-to-follow advice: Have family meals. Eat protein, fat, and carbohydrates together. That’s it. The data and controls of the outcomes is better all-around, and more than just for nutrition.

Only four stars because it is a little outdated, as she argues a lot against the fad diets of when it was published — whether it is low-fat, low-carb, or other restriction, thankfully her advice is that all restrictions are ineffective compared to making good meals and enjoying them so that you don’t have to think about food in-between meals.

[Jaraka Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good and useful read. It fundamentally boils down to the division of responsibility in feeding. Parents decide when and what and where to eat, the kids decide whether and how much to eat. Leadership and autonomy. I read the paper back physical book and underlined a lot! I’m sure I’ll flip through it again and again when feeding the family feels like a lot.

Easier said than done, for me at least. So I appreciated the additional guidance the book offers.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great overview of how to organize for, prepare and enjoy your meals. The section on getting "picky" children to eat was interesting and empowering. I will be picking up her book on children specifically as a follow up. A lot of this book was how to change your own bad mindset on food....which I don't have lol.

[Amanda Wolfley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Ellyn’s writing style and her practical way of teaching nutrition. Some information is slightly out of date by this point, but what she shares about our problems with food are as true as ever. Her simple lessons have given me a lot of confidence as a parent in feeding myself and my family well.

[Kjersti · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book and author seems to always be referred to as the upmost expert on kids and eating. I was grateful that she seemed really down to earth. This was a little tough to get through because the only copy my library had was through my phone and that made it harder to read. Would like to refer back to this in the future. It did include several recipes. I may try buying a copy.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t read this fully (skipped a lot bc it’s due back to the library), but what I did read I really liked and I’ll be purchasing a copy. I plan on implementing her suggestions on snack times, snack types, and what to offer at meals. I realized I’m not offering enough options (nor am I doing snack time well) and this is probably why the majority of my kids’ meals go unfinished.

[Morgan McGehee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Finally finished! Don’t regret reading but wouldn’t really recommend. The information was often outdated and polarizing. I was also met with my frustration over a lot of nutrition books- a repetitive nature and unrelatable tone. I think we can and must do a better job of translating nutrition information to the public, and this book just didn’t do that for me!

[Hannah Grinestaff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well worth the read to get a better grasp on how our attitudes towards eating effect our health and our kids. Even if you don’t end up agreeing with everything, there are great ideas in here worth consideration!

[Molly Moody · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend regardless of whether you have kiddos or not. Very challenging look at our perspectives on food & how we eat. Extra great read if you are starting out your family. Lots of food for thought. 😁

[Miah Chambers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Satter’s approach to food for both the individual and family is so balanced and made me seriously reevaluate how I approach feeding. The whole book is chock full of new insights. Everyone needs to read this book.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 starts for the needing kids section

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid and practical.

[Eileen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This cookbook centers childrens' bodily autonomy by encouraging adults to think of their job as provinding adequate food at predictable intervals and letting them eat until they're satisfied. This might help you cope with a picky eater or unravel your own weird relationship to food.

The recipes provided aren't ones I consider particularly nutritious, they remind me of a lot of my grandmother's canned-soup-based noodle dishes. Part of the message though is, "Don't be a snob." Parents say they've tried everything and that their children won't eat protein, but wouldn't offer a hotdog or fish sticks. She also wants you to be prepared for your kids to eat bread and butter and milk and reject the rest of the family meal. Often. Many opportunites to self-serve a variety of foods is a good thing.

I can't say that the approach has really 'worked' in my multicultural family with pronounced differences in eating preferences - and even eating times - but I'm glad to have it as a perspective in my parenting toolkit. Satter's Division of Responsibility is also useful if you want to move your daycare or school lunch program away from forcefeeding, the 'clean plate club' etc. You can present this as more of a 'here's what a respected nutrionist says' instead of just being another pushy parent.

If I had a time machine I'd move away from child-centered meals for very young children and simply seat them at the table with the meal I myself wanted. I come from a tradition of both diet culture and Depression-era obsession with not wasting food. The swing of this pendulum is very hard on the body. It makes for a weird dynamic with my twins too, one of whom has sensory-influenced food avoidance and the other of whom will eat to excess to the point of vomiting when my mother-in-law does the feeding. I feel anxious when M won't eat and anxious when A eats to excess.

Let Satter guide you toward meals that are social, enjoyable, well-mannered and good enough. And compost the rest ;)

[Giedra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overlaps heavily with the other Satter book I read. Basic premise of both is that it is parents' job to arrange the "what and where" of eating and children's job to decide on "whether and how much." For it to work, parents have to be consistent about timing of meals and snacks, sitting down together for all meals and snacks, putting enough things on the table that no one will go hungry even if they don't like the main offerings (she suggests bread and butter at every meal), and to avoid grazing. The idea is that if a child knows what to expect and knows he won't leave the table hungry, and especially if this is true from the beginning of his life, he will be able to obey his body's cues that he is full, and will properly regulate the right amount to eat to grow appropriately into the body that has been genetically predetermined for him. I generally like the premise; I'm not as big a fan of the work required to be REALLY CONSISTENT about timing and planning, etc. But she is also a realistic dietitian--this book doesn't emphasize counting calories or servings of vegetables or anything like that. She emphasizes more the patterns of eating. Once you have a consistent PATTERN of eating, if you need to modify WHAT you are eating, you can do that next. She even says that McDonald's every day, if eaten together at a table instead of on-the-go in the car, is in many ways preferable to getting thrown a granola bar or told to scrounge for oneself.

In any case, you only need to read one Satter book to learn everything you need to know. If you have any concerns about your child's weight (over or under) (or even your own weight--as reading this one will give you clues to the origins of your own food issues, if any), read the one called "Your Child's Weight: Helping without Harming." If not, this one is more general, and has sections on meal planning.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Denser than I was expecting, with two columns of teeny-tiny print per page. But don't be daunted; it's worth the effort. Satter goes through reams of evidence and theory (which it is OK to skim) to explain why you should serve organized family meals with set menus and then let your kids be in charge of whether and how much they eat from what you have provided.

Her dietary approach is relaxed--evidence suggests that restrictive diets of any kind, especially out in the real world, do most people more harm than good. Her focus is more on the how of eating than the what--on developing "eating competence" (feeling good about what you eat, enjoying your food, having regular meals, liking new foods and eating a variety). Beyond, the details, she insists, just aren't that important.

Once she has explained in detail what eating competence is and why it's important, and then laid out her principles for feeding children, the third part of the book is about menu planning and cooking. She admits that even if you're efficient and you don't cook fancy food, it's a lot of work--so she also talks about how to give yourself a break from it.

I already cooked food at dinnertime but have enjoyed so far implementing some of her recommendations, like putting a wider variety of food on the table (saves me having to leap up because someone wants cheese) and not nagging my kids during dinner. It felt weirdly extravagant to pass over a fourth piece of bread, but she was pretty convincing that this will balance out eventually, so... go for it, little dude!

It's refreshing to read something that is so detailed and extensively researched and at the same time, so laid back in its recommendations.

[Colette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Restarted May 2015.
After 6 months, I finally got around to finishing this book. I did like it, I just had other things I wanted to read. There were a lot of basic food discussions in the cooking parts that I didn't really need, but they would surly be helpful for someone who doesn't currently do a lot of cooking. Where this book excels is in the discussions about different aspects of our relationship with food. I learned that I don't have to be so uptight and concerned about what I am eating and serving. I am also glad to have the knowledge of how children eat and learn positive thinking about food and eating. I feel like I can be a much more calm and laid-back parent when it comes to mealtime after having read this. I would be interested to know how Satter's views have held up in the 17 years since this was published. Nutrition seems to be so political. After having just read Dr. A's Habits of Health, I think I have a more solid foundation upon which to build my attitudes toward food and health. These two authors don't have the same ideas by any means, but they are on the same page when it comes to using our intuition and not going crazy about fat and salt.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

It had some good ideas. I didn't finish it before it was due at the library and Becca is no longer considered underweight, so I stopped worrying about how I feed the family. I do remember one of her suggestions that I thought was good. She said when learning to recognize when you're full and stop eating before you've over-eaten, start by only eating one bite every minute. Really pay attention to that bite. While you're still hungry the food will taste wonderful, absolutely delicious. As you reach satiation, the taste will be less impressive. When it doesn't taste great anymore, when you're just eating because it's there, you've passed the point that you need it. I think that idea is very interesting. I do tend to eat until my plate is empty, and sometimes until the kids' plates are empty. I don't always stop when the taste is no longer drawing me back for more.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am really loving this book--I've been dabbling with intuitive/mindful eating for some time but Ms. Satter's method adds discpline into the mix. It's not just eat on demand, but eat at regular intervals and I'm amazed at what a difference this small change has made.

It's also completely changed our mealtimes. I have been so stressed, acting as short order cook to our 3-year old and it's been such a wonderful, relaxing change to set all the food on the table, and say, "here we are--eat what you like," and know that a snack is only a couple hours away if he doesn't eat well.

Absolutely a great read, very common sense and I love the author's personal, down-to-earth writing voice. Would highly recommend to anyone who has food issues (parent or not), particularly to anyone who is a recovering dieter.

[Erin Price · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think every parent who's having trouble with their kids' eating habits could probably benefit from reading a book by Ellyn Satter. Implementing the simple routine she suggests (meals and snacks at expected times with no snacking in between, no pressure to eat but one must choose from what is available on the table) had marked beneficial results almost immediately, for everyone. Sure, my two-year-old still won't touch broccoli most days, and many kids will take longer to acclimate, but I'm less stressed about whether she eats any vegetable when she'll get the opportunity to eat more at the next meal.