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Grace-Based Living
In her follow-up book to Biblical Parenting, Crystal Lutton takes her ideas of Grace-Based Discipline and applies them to every area of family life, including marriage, friendships, and as always, parenting.This book is meant to be A Practical Guide to Joyful Relationships.Grace is a trendy buzzword! It beckons from websites, books, blogs -- Let's face it, "grace" is everywhere. As an academic study it has spawned debate, dissertations, even denominations. We are * grace is amazing and wonderful! * God extends His grace toward us in abundance. * Grace is life-changing. But can grace impact our lives in a practical way that helps us navigate the nitty gritty of family interactions? Using in-depth Bible study coupled with rubber-meets-the-road experience from her own life raising 5 unique children with her husband of 16 years, Crystal crafts a solid teaching on grace that blows the lid off the academic box grace has been kept in. Building on the principles she introduced in her book Biblical Parenting, Crystal demonstrates how grace can be effective * Creating a foundation of love and respect for your family * Removing conflicts from your relationships * Moving you through short term challenges to meet your long term goals Grace is a gift from God that changes everything!For more information and discussion about Grace-Based Living and Grace Based Discipline, visit crystallutton.com
- GenresParenting
173 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 2, 2011
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September 28, 2014
Revisions are necessary to Lutton’s book if she wants to be a respected author. The most important of these is citing others for their work. It is terrible to see plagiarism so blatantly ignored.
As a Christian and an Early Childhood educator, I was excited to read a book that claimed to have a handle on both. Unfortunately, Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton was a disappointment.
In addition to the poor understanding of Hebrew and the unclear writing, I was appalled at the lack of citation within the book for many of the discipline tools Lutton writes about. The main tool that Lutton often promotes as her own and is her go-to answer for most discipline questions directed at her, is The Five Steps, which she claims to have gotten from her mentor, Lisa Kuzara-Seibold. These are not either Lutton’s or Kuzara-Seibold’s original work. Becky Bailey Ph.D. laid them out in her Preventing Power Struggles series long before Lutton was touting them as her own.
Five Steps to Prevent and Get out of Power Struggles by Becky Bailey, Ph.D.
1. Give a clear command with an assertive “just do it” voice.
2. Get close to child on his/her level, touch shoulder, establish eye contact and say, “I’m going to show you what to do.”
3. Offer two positive choices. “You can do it this way or you can do it that way.”
4. Repeat positive choices.
5. Offer empathy and refuse to engage in power struggle. Put words around child’s experience. You may have to physically pick up or restrain a child, remember this takes away his personal power. Give the child something to feel power over; his point of view.
The Five Steps by Crystal Lutton
Step 1: State your request and offer a reason.
Example: “You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up. It is time to leave.”
Step 2: Restate your request.
Example: “You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up.”
It is helpful to get down on the child’s level and touch your child while looking in his eyes to make sure you have his attention.
Step 3: Offer help.
Example: “You are having a hard time stopping your play. Can you stop playing and clean up or do you need my help?”
Whether your child requests help or not respect their wishes. Help is not a punishment, it is help.
Step 4: Help.
Example: “You are not stopping your play. Here, let me help you.”
Again, help is not a punishment. It is an acknowledgment that your child is unable to stop on their own. This may be due to a lack of maturity, being tired or hungry, or simply not wanting to stop.
Step 5: The Bear Hug.
Stand behind your child and wrap your arms over her shoulders and across her chest. Hold her arms with your hands if you are concerned about her striking out. Squat down to her level and speak gently in her ear that you are helping her stop herself and that you will let her go when she can stop herself. Gentle pressure on her shoulders can keep her from kicking or attempting to run from you. This is not a punishment. It is providing outside boundaries for a child who lacks internal boundaries.
As a Christian and an Early Childhood educator, I was excited to read a book that claimed to have a handle on both. Unfortunately, Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton was a disappointment.
In addition to the poor understanding of Hebrew and the unclear writing, I was appalled at the lack of citation within the book for many of the discipline tools Lutton writes about. The main tool that Lutton often promotes as her own and is her go-to answer for most discipline questions directed at her, is The Five Steps, which she claims to have gotten from her mentor, Lisa Kuzara-Seibold. These are not either Lutton’s or Kuzara-Seibold’s original work. Becky Bailey Ph.D. laid them out in her Preventing Power Struggles series long before Lutton was touting them as her own.
Five Steps to Prevent and Get out of Power Struggles by Becky Bailey, Ph.D.
1. Give a clear command with an assertive “just do it” voice.
2. Get close to child on his/her level, touch shoulder, establish eye contact and say, “I’m going to show you what to do.”
3. Offer two positive choices. “You can do it this way or you can do it that way.”
4. Repeat positive choices.
5. Offer empathy and refuse to engage in power struggle. Put words around child’s experience. You may have to physically pick up or restrain a child, remember this takes away his personal power. Give the child something to feel power over; his point of view.
The Five Steps by Crystal Lutton
Step 1: State your request and offer a reason.
Example: “You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up. It is time to leave.”
Step 2: Restate your request.
Example: “You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up.”
It is helpful to get down on the child’s level and touch your child while looking in his eyes to make sure you have his attention.
Step 3: Offer help.
Example: “You are having a hard time stopping your play. Can you stop playing and clean up or do you need my help?”
Whether your child requests help or not respect their wishes. Help is not a punishment, it is help.
Step 4: Help.
Example: “You are not stopping your play. Here, let me help you.”
Again, help is not a punishment. It is an acknowledgment that your child is unable to stop on their own. This may be due to a lack of maturity, being tired or hungry, or simply not wanting to stop.
Step 5: The Bear Hug.
Stand behind your child and wrap your arms over her shoulders and across her chest. Hold her arms with your hands if you are concerned about her striking out. Squat down to her level and speak gently in her ear that you are helping her stop herself and that you will let her go when she can stop herself. Gentle pressure on her shoulders can keep her from kicking or attempting to run from you. This is not a punishment. It is providing outside boundaries for a child who lacks internal boundaries.
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