Survivor Personality: Why Some People Are Stronger, Smarter, and More Skillful at Handling Life's Difficulties...and How You Can Be, Too: Why Some People ... Difficulties... and How You Can Be, Too

by Al Siebert

The classic guide to what makes people survivors, now in a revised and updated new edition.
Who survives? Who thrives? As a psychologist who spent more than forty years studying the phenomenon of survival, Al Siebert gained valuable insight into the qualities and habits that help human beings overcome difficult situations-from everyday conflicts to major life stresses. In this revised and updated edition, he delineates the "survivor personality" and examines the latest research to show how survival skills can be learned, leading to better coping, increased success in work and relationships, and a vastly brighter outlook on the future.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Survival, Reference

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1993

Reviews

[Jaime Buckley · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the all-time brilliant books on self-discovery, which helped me through a desperate transition in my life. At one point it helped me cope with negative events that had me contemplating suicide. Yes, it's that good.

There is a struggle within many of us who trust in the views and perspectives of others. Over time, negative comments taint our own perceptions of self and some, like myself, spiral into a depression.

This book takes you into yourself from the perspective of 'everything has a reason'. You will find many aspects of your personality, which at first glance seem negative, are in fact tools for you to adapt to your specific environment.

I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling to find value in themselves. I assure you that the value is already there...but this book will take off your blindfold so you can see it clearly.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this for a book club at work and quickly became frustrated by the author's ideas. This book is full of pseudoscience and meaningless anecdotes about what makes someone a "survivor". If you're hoping for any research related to resiliency, you will be disappointed. Out of dozens of examples of "survivors" in this book, only a few are women. The chapter on "self-managed healing" is downright harmful; sending the message that if you just try hard enough, you can cure yourself of terminal illnesses! I wish I could give 0 stars.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had such hopes for this book, but there's plenty of stupid, like the "positive thinking healing" chapter which tells you to not let stupid old doctors push you around. It just made me sad thinking about Steve Jobs the whole time I read it.

But there is some good here. In fact, let me sum it up for you: Good survivors are alert, recognize changes in the situation, adapt quickly to these changes, and believe that they can make good things come about by their work. Also, there's a diagram.

Yes, the best parts of this book can be photocopied under fair use, because it takes roughly a page and a half to read them.

[Jonathan · Rating 2 out of 5]

meh. not what I thought it would be. more self-help psychology (and pretty bland stuff, at that) and less examination of actual survivors of crises and disasters and what makes them tick. possibly my fault for misunderstanding the premise of the book.

[قلم الظل · Rating 5 out of 5]

من ألذ الكتب التي قرأتها ، لديه بعض الإشكالات البسيطة و الغير مستغربة من الغربيين لكن في مجمله كتاب رائع استمتعت بكل معلومة وكل ورقة فيه، أنصح به وبشدة

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book. The author was one of the experts on the topic until his death.

It is well written and not too long. If you like to browse books rather than read them through, you will find the chapter divisions, anecdotes, and "exercises for the reader" to be useful.

Seibert says that "playful curiousity" is a good habit to cultivate, because it keeps you focused on the present and immediate future, and on what you can control.

He also says that "bi-phasic" personality style can be helpful. If you always behave the same way, that can lead to getting you into trouble.

Thus, you would be better off not "always talking to strangers," or "never talking to strangers," but sometimes doing so and sometimes not.

"Good children" who grow up to be a good adults, and who always obey the rules and work to please their parents and authority figures, can in fact be handicapped relative to those who at times rebelled and engaged in controlled defiance: stealing, drinking/doing drugs, staying out, exploring their sexuality even when it was a no-no.

I'll end on this note: his point about the "good child" having trouble in certain circumstances reminds me of the book _castles burning: a child's life in war_ by magda denes, a little hungarian jewish girl who survived the holocaust (as is usually the case) in part through sheer luck. but if you read _castles burning_ you also get the sense of little magda as "insolent, impossibly sarcastic, and far too smart for her own good!" as her exasperated mother called her.

[Nahid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is clear, comprehensive and very insightful regarding survivor personality. It helps to discover whether a person is survivor or not. If not, then it has strategy outlined in chapters with beautiful diagrams that will teach someone to become survivor. The chapter I liked most is "The Good Child-Handicap", where the author's detailed how family and society forces us to fall in this trap. The most fascinating part of this book is, paradoxical or biphasic traits. Survivors posses paradoxical traits that help them to anticipate any danger and tackle them effectively. It's not good to be kind to everyone. Unfortunately, people in the lives of survivors often criticize and attack them for the very traits that allow them to survive and prosper in the face of adversity. A survivor is very talented at anticipating possible problems at work and at home and planning a response to them, much like the old saying, "Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.". Having positive and negative attitude are the essence of survivor personality. This two attitudes together might be puzzling but most people with positive attitudes have a negative attitude about people with negative attitudes!

I highly recommend this book to everyone who needs help successfully living through traumas and catastrophes in his/her life (just about all of us!). The stories Al Siebert tells of survivors, including analysis of what they did to recover from agonizing events and why their approaches worked, are both practical and inspiring.

[Pamela S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is not just about being a 'survivor' of any kind of miseries, but rather being a 'survivor' of this journey of life. Some great points are mentioned in this book, such as how self-esteem, self-confidence and self-concept relate to change of dynamic in relationships. In addition, the author also touches on the importance of developing strong inner 'selfs' to be more resilient when life throws any challenges or obstacles and to not depend on external factors to define who we are as they change. Furthermore, this book also helps to empower people to avoid playing the 'victim of life' game, but rather stand up and take charge of whatever that has happened to you. Whether you have been through a major life change, or simply looking to improve yourself, this book is definitely food for personal growth.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd recommend Al Siebert's books to anyone. The information is helpful, and he writes it in a way that makes it easy to understand. They are definitely ones that I will want to re-read from time to time, to help the ideas sink in.

If you are looking for ways to make changes in your life, to be stronger, I suggest you look at his books.

[Jo Franz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book! A friend of ours who is a counselor told me that every time he picked up this book it reminded him of me. That alone made me want to read it and I understand why he said that now. I feel touched because it is true--I am a SURVIVOR!

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Worth taking a look at, if only for the sections on dealing with negative/angry people and on self-managed healing. The biggest lesson for me overall is that a true survival instinct must come from inside.

[G.T. Trickle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent reference book for anyone who constantly reads to understand human behaviors. Great reference guide for writers who are developing character backgrounds/behaviors.

[Sheelie Kittee · Rating 5 out of 5]

SUCH a good read. So many excerpts I wish to draw upon. I'll try to keep it brief. Some key points I'd like to remember:

- Importance of survival: It ( whatever challenge at the moment being experienced ) was meant to be. God is redirecting you. Something good will come from this.

Survivors do not live in the past or the future.

If you live in the moment, a voice will begin to speak to you with creative thoughts and ideas that will amaze you.

Our attitudes determine our well being more than our surroundings / circumstances.

True self improvement, self confidence, and spiritual development come out of real life, every day experiences, not from books or workshops.

3 types of learning: inner, self motivated, from experience / modeling / controlled, directed by others

Synergy: why spend energy when it isn't necessary.
Interference for personal gain causes a waste of human energy, time, resources.

Combined action = synergy. a result greated than the run of their separate actions.

! It IS all right to be successful at what you do and be paid well without working hard.

Empathy: ability to comprehend what another feels / thinks.

Sympathy: a person takes on the same feelings as another.

Active imagining: consciously hold an image in mind, repeat over and over, have things turn out as imagined.

Day by Day in every way I am getting better and better.

Coue: It is the education of the imagination that must be sought for.

Constantly worrying about something that might happen is the same as praying for it to happen.


The key to making your life better is to focus on changing yourself more than changing others

Self esteem, self concept, self confidence.

Ppl with confidence know they can count on themselves more than anyone else.

** Serendipity: ability to convert a disaster into good fortune.

** something accidental happens, a person uses good sense / wisdom, to discover a beneficial outcome.

[Georgi Danov · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is simplistic, full of anecdotal examples and does poor job of systemizing the topic or explaining why things work the way they do. The traits are identified correctly in my opinion and some attempts on coaching how to develop them are made, but none of this kept my interest. I fast forwarded to check if there are significant changes later and eventually gave up on the book.

It's still better than many self-help and popular psychology books, but you'll probably find more useful books on psychological health such as "The road less traveled", "Life and how to survive it" or some of the Zen introduction books ("The way of zen" worked for me)

The book is useful mainly as introduction for people getting into this corner of the self-help popular psychology because it addresses wide spectrum of topics and mentions some sources one could follow further.

[Maureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the first half of this book, particularly Chapter 5 on the Synergistic Person (how to change the situation rather than complaining) and Chapter 11 on how to handle yourself with angry people. The second half of the book goes into examples of how some people were able to survive emergencies, natural disasters, and torturous conditions. While interesting, I felt the author could have shortened some of these chapters and still have provided enough examples to help people see other possibilities. The information about Mount St. Helens eruption appeared to me to contain more commentary than advice on how to organize for natural disasters. I acquired this book at work, several years ago. I recommend this book to people in the workforce and to people who want to learn skills to keep thriving in a more holistic way.

[Jerome Lusa · Rating 1 out of 5]

The chapter on Self-Managed Healing is so VILE that it negates any value found elsewhere in the book.

Sure, it will make anyone who is a survivor feel proud of the qualities they were born with, or that they acquired by whatever means. But to tell someone who is suffering from cancer that having the 'survivor personality' will let them survive is unconscionable. It may give solace to cancer survivors (or any other illness) after their recovery, but for those who are losing ground it is simply horrible to implicitly place blame on them for their inability to have the 'survivor personality'. The chapter on Self-Managed Healing is so VILE that it negates any value found elsewhere in the book.

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Staying curious, asking questions, expecting change, not always following all of the rules, and being willing to make quick decisions are all traits of those who survive difficult life experiences.

In general, I liked the tone and confidence of the author. Not a lot of “this is the only way pronouncements,” but an exploration of the many different traits and ideas of resilient people. I felt the chapter on self-healing was the least helpful, but overall this was a good book.

[Benehime · Rating 3 out of 5]

As some people have said. The good points can be summarised in a few sentences. Contains a lot of questionable stuff.
I would have wished for more doable solutions when dealing with "negative" people. The stuff that he said seemed very air headed

[Adam Falkenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad as far as self-help/therapy books go. Pretty typical point of views which are annoying at times. Examples are decent. A bit harsh on 'good people'.

[Alex Ankarr · Rating 5 out of 5]

complex, good, interesting.

[Stacey Herriott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some new insights about who survives but also lots of cliche’s

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read The Survivor Personality while working for the Center for Social Research at Lehigh University. We were interviewing individuals in an attempt to find out what/how/why they were resilient adults. This book has a generous menu of suggestions for confronting difficult challenges. Al Siebert has written about valuable insights into the qualities and habits that help human beings overcome difficult situations. Too much information for what I needed. Reads like a textbook.

[Jakki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly pretty dry reading but several encouraging, hopeful stories of people experiencing horrible things who survived and succeeded in life. Lots of exercises to do if wanted but there's a lot - might be too much for some.

[Eric Kebker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as Deep Survival, but an easier read. More of a self-help book

[Dr.J.G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

No great insight here, but generally good cataloguing of traits commonly possessed by those that survive all sorts of things, tragedies and more.

[Alaa Bahabri · Rating 1 out of 5]

كتاب يتحدث عن "الصمود" ،عند المحن,,
لم أحب أسلوبه، ولا المعلومات التي فيه
ككل كتب تطوير النفس,,