Reunited: An Investigative Genealogist Unlocks Some of Life's Greatest Family Mysteries

by Pamela Slaton

In this poignant and heartwarming narrative, renowned genealogist Pamela Slaton tells the most striking stories from her incredibly successful career of reconnecting adoptees with long-lost birth parents

Reunited follows the tradition of Ann Fessler’s classic, The Girls Who Went Away, telling the riveting stories of the most powerful cases in Pamela Slaton’s long career as an investigative genealogist. After founding her own practice, and using a never quit policy to get around restrictive state laws, Pam has been able to locate 90% of her clients’ missing relatives. She has witnessed incredible, tough, life-affirming reunions, and now shares these in her own honest, unforgettable voice.

Pam has worked with and helped all types of clients, from the identical twins separated at birth, unknowingly part of a secret study on development, to Darryl McDaniels of Run DMC, who was the first client Pam worked with on camera. Perhaps her most important story is her own: after a traumatizing reunion with her birth mother, she realized that she wanted to help other adopted children have happier reunions. Reunited is a collection of these stories—both the highlights of a career and life-affirming moment that teach and inspire.

Genres: Nonfiction, Adoption, Family

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 8, 2012

About the author

Pamela Slaton is an adoptee who, with scant information, discovered her birth parents over two decades ago. When she first began my search, there were barely any services available to those looking for clues. After discovering her birth parents, she started volunteering her experiences to local adoptee support groups before being hired as the New York contact for a major adoption finder agency.

Reviews

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pleasant series of anecdotal stories about adoptees who have reunited with birth mothers, birth brothers, birth fathers, and birth sisters. It's interesting if you look at it from a nature/nurture standpoint, which the author frequently points out: Some reunited blood relatives discover mannerisms and looks in common, but their disparate upbringings often mean that their intellects and belief systems are quite different from each other. Relationships become works in progress.

It's an amazing sidelight to me how the author could have developed so intelligently from such a horrendous mother, which adds a lot to the nurture side of the argument. It's also interesting that even identical twins can have fiercely differing outlooks on the world and that that trumps whatever genetic similarities they have.

Just a fun book.

[Jocelyn Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

With a subtitle of, "An Investigative Genealogist Unlocks Some of Life's Greatest Family Mysteries," I was expecting some more universal take-aways in this book. Instead, it's a collection of stories from the author's experience tracking down birth parents or children that were given up for adoption, and what those reunions (and aftermath) were like. It was still interesting, but I was just hoping for some broader themes about family DNA to add some deeper insights.

[Carlease · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew firsthand about this gem of an author when I was led to her by one of the adoptees whose story she tells in this book.
I am an adoptee and had been sporadically searching for my birth mother for almost 20 years. I am also an actress and a random tweet to a casting director changed my life. I was introduced to Pamela Slaton by Sheila Jaffe, reluctantly hired her and three weeks later my birth mother had been found…still alive at 95!!! That was two years ago. I’m just now getting around to reading this book. I can relate to some part of each and every story regardless of the outcome and circumstances. Reunited is beautifully written, connecting the dots throughout just like Pamela connects the dots in her work to bring families together. I enjoyed reading her personal story and loved how it unfolds from chapter to chapter.
If you are any part of the adoption triad: adoptee, birth parent or adoptive parents, reading this book will cause you to understand adoptees better and why Pamela Slaton’s work is so valuable. She gives us hope and brings us closure. I’ve been reunited with my birth family, found my family of fellow adoptees and celebrate a happy ending to my lifelong search for self. Thank you Sheila. Thank you Pam. I am forever grateful.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book in so many ways, but especially because Pamela Slayton is the person who "found us" for our cousin, Mike, whose remarkable story is featured in one of the chapters. She is brilliant at her work, successfully reuniting adoptees and birth parents. She is also a great advocate for the importance of the search for adoptees as a key piece of their history that completes what is often a lifelong puzzle. The stories are achingly heartfull and I appreciated that she not only told stories like my cousin's with beautiful endings, but also others that are painful in their unfolding. My only quibble is that some of the information is not factually true in Mike's story, although these bits are more as background than directly part of the story. Overall, though, bravo! Our family is so much the better because of the work she does.

[Patsy Crawford · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I read it slowly to remember a few things that Pamela did in finding missing relatives. I cried when they were found. I cried when they were reunited. I cried when they said 'no thanks - not interested' - I loved the book.

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book, especially if you are someone who has had the issue of adoption touch your life.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book and some good stories, but I didn't care for the author's tone. Adoption is fascinating.....

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting to read something written by someone who helps adoptees find their birth families. She provides a needed service!

[Jan Cole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reunited: An Investigative Genealogist Unlocks Some of Life's Greatest Family Mysteries. by Pamela Slaton is a collection of cases Ms. Slaton worked on to help adoptees reunite with birth families. She is realistic when she tells them that not every bio parent wants to be found, as she discovered for herself. Her biological mother wanted no contact and had lived a very rough life.

However, Ms. Slaton did find some half siblings through DNA, some she has a relationship with and others shared the mother's problems.

Ms Slaton tells stories of other adoptees, some using DNA to help create a reunion. Some end like hers, although the majority of them end better. Throughout the book she talks about the longing adoptees have to find their roots even when their adoptive parents are loved and have clearly provided a better home than the biological family could. In no way does the search reflect upon the adoptive family, but the adoptees want to know their story and see people who look like them.

Pamela came across as brash and a bit abrasive. There was one part when she debated giving an adoptee (who paid her) information because she "wasn't sure he deserved to know." This really rubbed me the wrong way. She apparently has had a television show where she reunited people, but I have never heard of it. Even though the story was written with a co author it was still choppy, yet interesting to those who are interested in this topic. I wish she had gone into the genealogy part a little deeper--that was glossed over. She does have a no find, no fee policy and does have a high rate of success. It was a fast read and will soon be on the shelves at the Duncan Library.

[Christopher Langford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book for an adoptee to read. There are great nuggets of information in it about the time, place and cultural norms surrounding adoptions. One short statement about Colorado being a hotbed for unwed mothers to birth and surrender their infants gave me a plausible reason for a girl from Alabama to travel all the way to CO in 1924 to hide her pregnancy. Also, the many experiences of adoptees and birth parents looking for and connecting with found family is fascinating. I feel better prepared to speak with my birth father and manage my expectations.

[Shelly Boltz-Zito · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, wonderful, heartfelt

This is a book that you have to read Asap! I want to contact Pamela myself and maybe hopefully she can help me find my brother that was given up for adoption over 50 years ago. I cried, laughed, smiled during the reading of this. The pain of adoption affects the entire family and it can be painful for all when searching but it's not done to hurt anybody. This is a great book that is informational and educational as well as pills on your heart. Any adopted or family member searching should read this book. I am certainly glad I did!

[Linda Bodenlos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

Very straightforward and truthful sharing of real searches for adoptees. The examples give hope to one who has been searching for my husband's birth parents who actually gave him away in 1946 without an adoption. We have been working for over 15 years to find more info. This book is just the motivation needed to try again. I am amazed that Pamela can use her methods and resources to often quickly find the missing.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best part of this book was the introduction, and that’s the only reason I’m not giving this book away after reading it. Throughout the book I was distracted by the many typos (even mixed up and misspelled names) and thought the book was not organized well. Had it not made me feel something occasionally and without the introduction, it would have only gotten 2 stars. I will say I think it’s written more for a searching adoptee and would probably have meant more if I was in that situation.

[Jenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed watching some of her documentaries/segments on 20/20, and the stories themselves were interesting, but wasn't quite as emotionally gripping as getting to watch it on TV.

[Ann Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful

The author has a gift for searching and also for explaining the emotions and feelings involved in being an adult adoptee. Great stories with a variety of outcomes.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

For some reason, I just love adoption reunion stories I am a sucker for them. This is an interesting book full of anecdotes of successful searches conducted by the author.

[Jeff Dow · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the stories; her writing style was a bit too conversational for me. That said, what a roller coaster of emotions, some were heartwarming while other just heartwrenching.

[Diana Petty-stone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good stories about some of the cases Ms Slaton has worked on through the years. All very interesting and helpful to any genealogist.

[Nora Olmo · Rating 3 out of 5]

The system has changed since 2012, we need up to date resources - that’s when this book was published. . I’ve done most of her helpful information. I’ve ordered and I keep on getting — incomplete birth certificates. In didn’t know that the library where you were born kept a history of birth certificate and you have to do your research on this. Now, they don’t keep a history of birth certificate. I already inquired. This author has to publish an up to date book so that she can be more helpful. ( old information - must be up dated.)

[Teri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. As a genealogist and researcher, I helped my husband find his birth family, along with my own clients; there are those that have been unfound, though. I have been fortunate to see wonderful and rewarding reunions. Pamela's book is a reminder that each case is unique and to never give up the search, even when you face dead ends. Slaton's positive personality rings through each diverse case. I love the wrapped up "lessons learned" section at the end of each chapter, that serves as a reminder of what everyone searching for a lost loved one should remember as they move through their quest for answers.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of interesting, breezily told stories of adoptees searching for their birth parents and/or siblings. However, the blurb is misleading when it mentions the identical twins who were separated as part of a secret research project. That was not one of Ms. Slaton's cases, and she never even mentions the book that was written by the women, Identical Strangers. Another thing I did not like was that no resources were listed--no web sites, no books, nothing. In other words, though it's an interesting read, it falls short.

[Doug · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book very much, but then I was looking for something different from my usual murder mysteries, and am in to genealogy. I liked the multiple stories throughout the book, and the author weaving in tidbits from her own hunt.

[Doretta Irwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you like non-fiction, adoption reunion stories, this book is for you! The author is very honest to admit that not all reunions end happily, but even the unhappy endings answer questions for those who are searching for answers to who they are genetically related to.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Glad I read this book. Adoption stories are fascinating...