The Truth About Men: The Secret Side of the Opposite Sex

by Ian K. Smith

The #1 bestselling author of The Fat Smash Diet and The Four Day Diet reveals how men really operate—and what they really think about women—in a smart, short book that’s already been featured on The Doctors

Men don’t have glass heads. And there’s a smart, successful mini-category of books to address this biological oversight --from The Rules to Think Like A Guy.  Ian Smith’s What Men Really Want is a great entry to that mini-category. It’s rich with insight and information because it’s written by a man to decode men for women.  Smith’s thoughtful, sometimes surprising “principles” include:

--The Subtle Art of Hooking Us (men really do want to be in committed relationships, even if they don’t always show it)
--Beauty Matters (but beauty may not be exactly what you think it is)
--Beware of Titles (why you shouldn’t label yourself his “girlfriend” until certain conditions are met)
--Sex is More Powerful than an AK-47 (but it doesn’t always have to be a home run)
--Mean What You Say (and why sex lies are always—always—a bad idea)
--Know How to Listen and What we Care About (and we don't care about home decorating)

Any man who picks up What Men Really Want will nod in agreement, and any woman who puts its insights into practice will have an instantly happier mate and a stronger, longer relationship.   

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Romance

204 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 10, 2012

About the author

Ian K. Smith, M.D.,Ian K. Smith, M.D. is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of SUPER SHRED, SHRED, THE 4 DAY DIET, THE FAT SMASH DIET and EXTREME FAT SMASH DIET among 7 other books including, SHRED Diet Cookbook , EAT, Happy , and The Blackbird Papers. His newest book, THE SHRED POWER CLEANSE, is available 12/29/15.

He is a former co-host of Emmy-winning “The Doctors” TV show, and a medical contributor to “The Rachael Ray Show."

He is the former medical correspondent for NBC News network and for NewsChannel 4 where he filed reports for NBC’s “Nightly News” and the “Today” show as well as WNBC’s various news broadcasts. He has appeared extensively on various broadcasts including “The Oprah Show,” “Good Morning America” “CBS This Morning” “The View,” “The Talk,” “Dr. Oz,” ‘Dr. Phil,” “Anderson Cooper 360″ and “Showbiz Tonight.”

He has written for various publications including Time, Newsweek, Men’s Health, and the New York Daily News, and has been featured in several other publications including, Publisher’s Weekly, Red Book, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, People, Essence, Ebony, University of Chicago Medicine on the Midway, Cosmopolitan, Women’s World, and Black Enterprise.

Dr. Smith is the founder of two major national health initiatives—the 50 Million Pound Challenge and the Makeover Mile—that have helped millions of people lose weight and improve their health.

A graduate of Harvard, Columbia, and the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine, Dr. Smith was appointed to the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition in 2010 and is serving a second term.

http://shredlife.com/about-shred/abou...
http://us.macmillan.com/author/ianksmith

Reviews

[Sharla · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't even believe I let the cover of this book grab me at the library, that I wasted the time to actually read it, and that I'm posting a review to reveal that I read it. But I find myself more and more clueless about men and relationships in general, so I thought, why the hell not? I feel like the book perpetuated the stereotypes and only what one "type" of guy might want or need ("but won't tell" us) -- it posted statistics built by Cosmo magazine (hello, that's not representative of the at-large population of women or men), and also only really offered scenarios based on the author or his friends (perhaps his "circle" is not a statistically significant diverse sample either). It seemed at times like it was advocating playing games just to appease the guy in certain situations. And most of the scenarios offered to illustrate the advice were exaggerated and nothing like what would go down in a relationship of my own. And seriously, I'm not even sure how I got past the women's "hysteria" part. Maybe that's why I'm single, but if so, I'd rather stay that way.

[Elaine · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a load of drivle. That's a few hours of my life I will never get back. This book was so unbelievably bad that I had to keep reading to see what other nonsense he was going to come up with. Glad it was just a way to pass a bit of a lull at work.

[Hoan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a mixed bag - there were tons of stereotypes, generalizations and some bad advice - (like telling women to endure the horrible feeling of holding their bladder as to protect a mans ego during a dry spell). This book however did have some good stories and funny at times with the scenarios and what to do... These I found somewhat helpful. I think it's also good to know this book was written to try to help rationalize some common male behavior and thinking and not insinuating that ALL men behave a certain way (a lot if reviews were from offended individuals) so I figured I'd throw it out there. Overall a very quick, easy read, nothing mind blowing and somewhat entertaining and there were some interesting tidbits here and there.

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

Now I understand that with the title, I should have been prepared for the "truth," because I embarrassingly went into the self-help section of the library to pick up some dating books. As a young and independent women living in a world where everything is in the social media now and not many men know how to treat a lady properly, I wasn't surprised with the content from this book. I completely understand the truth about men. What I didn't like was that the author, who apparently went to Harvard and has an M.D., categorized what seemed to only be the pompous assholes out there. What I found clever about this book was the author starting out throughout each chapter in bold with "what your man wants you to know but will never tell you is..." now that was kinda interesting. It was the offensive things he said about women and how nothing seemed to be perfect or good for a guy I didn't care for. Basically, the woman he is telling all of us to become in order to get our dream guy is non-existent, as far as I'm concerned.

In one of his chapters, called "The Hook" or something, he explains the process of how to get a man HOOKED. He explains that we should play hard to get, be unavailable by not returning calls or making up excuses to bail and act busy, yet in another chapter, explains that "men will wait a certain amount of time" for sex but will move on if it takes too long. One of the polls says the longest a guy has waited for sex with a girl he's dating was one month. Are you fucking kidding me? I stayed a virgin until 20 because I was raised and taught that sex was to be with someone special. This author then discussed how his gal friend said she was holding out til marriage and wanted a cute successful guy to court her til marriage and he made her seem like the fool. I understand this is the 21st century but the fact that he is saying men will wait a CERTAIN amount of time for sex proves that in this generation, everything is instant gratification. A guy wants sex with a girl after date 1 or 2? BAM, he'll get it by going to an online dating site. A guy wants a cheeseburger now? He'll go to McDonald's. A guy wants to watch porn now? He'll type anything he wants into Google and find it instantly. Everything in this world is INSTANT INSTANT INSTANT. No one wants to wait anymore...I am well aware of that. What I don't like is how the author seems to be back and forth with things, like I've mentioned the "play hard to get" and be "unavailable" but we still NEED to have sex fairly soon.

It gets better.

In another chapter, he discusses how men run the other way if a woman is even to mention or ask where the relationship is going when dating. The author says that the less we question, the better, in the meantime, some girls are "dating" a guy for a month or two, probably having sex with him, and in the back of her mind, wondering where the relationship stands, as the guy does not specify (on purpose.) I feel it is perfectly normal for a girl to ask where the relationship is going. We shouldn't have to feel used or feel we need to have sex BEFORE it's even official. It's just how society works now I guess. I remember I dated someone for three months, he got what he wanted (guilty as charged,) and I asked one night after a few months, where we stood. It was continuous dating, sleepovers, and continuous sex, but we got to know eachother a few months prior to all of that, only for him to not look me in the eyes that night and say he wasn't "emotionally available." He was available for sex though and stringing me along, clearly. I've been fooled before too, so I know how men can play serious mind games with the whole, "are we dating?" "friends with benefits?" "is this goin anywhere?" Even I remember in the mid 2000's when I had boyfriends, we were a couple before fooling around. Maybe things have changed, as every guy I go on a date with almost, seems to gesture towards sex, and when I decline, because it's obviously too soon, (ITS THE FIRST DATE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD) I never hear from the dude again. He probably had sex with someone the night after me. Instant gratification baby. Sex is available everywhere to almost anyone and it puts dampers on potential relationships. The author's expectation were very cliche.

It's the truth about men though, right?

In another atrocious chapter, he talks about how women who don't wear make up does not make men turn. But wearing make up will get a guy's attention along with painted nails and dolled up hair and style. Since when are men so observant over this bull shit? The author then says but don't wear too much make up or you will get the "bad" attention...but put just a little more make up on in general to spark attention..but if you don't wear any make up you won't get noticed. THIS GUY IS SO BACK AND FORTH. Personally from my experience, I get hit on with or without make up..I feel it's more of how a woman carries herself. What guy really cares about the color of my toe nails?

Best part?

When he talks about what men want in our physical appearance. I am already aware that is the first thing men look at is our body. That's a given, hands down. The author discusses how men don't expect us to look like a model but also can't have a little pooch on our tummy...oh but but they don't have to look like Janet's Jackson's abs either, he mentions in the book. He discusses about two pages worth about how our little "pooches" are the biggest turn off and that we need to hide it. I don't know what types of women he is talking about but he even complained about "little pooch," which most women have. He says to cover the pooch so men don't see it and wear baggy clothes...BUT HE WANTS US TO DRESS HOT, LOOK HOT, AND PAINT OUR NAILS? Here's the thing, IAN K. SMITH...the moment a woman takes off her clothes in front of a man, after hiding her "pooch," the secret will be revealed. You can't hide the pooch forever with clothes. He also mentioned that both fit and bigger men prefer this on a woman. So basically an overweight man has a say if a girl should hide her pooch or not. DOUBLE STANDARD. This author sets DOUBLE standards, by far and it's what pissed me off the most. I don't know if he was doing this to be funny but I found it offensive how he created this ridiculous perfect image of how we should be.

Another chapter was saying to not mention marriage too soon. DUH. I think we all knew that.

Another chapter said we tend to pick fights and are sensitive. I found that women are sensitive though when men bail frequently, refuse to meet their friends and family after being in a relationship for a while, or just putting us as the booty call with a girlfriend label.

ALSO, apparently don't be boring in bed or he will leave. Be kinky and take control, however if you are TOO kinky the guy will run. So basically missionary sex is too boring and if you are TOO kinky, it's bad too..so be just RIGHT in the middle.

Also men need morning sex and don't like rejection. Cry me a river, I'm tired. Maybe another morning. The author felt morning sex should be mandatory. I work two jobs a day...piss off. Let me get energy first.

This book had some obvious points but how this rubbish even got published, I have no idea. The author sounded very shallow and seemed to be aiming these scenerios about assholes in general. He didn't mention the nice guys who actually don't go by those methods. I've met some so believe me.

One star for the offensive things he thinks is the TRUTH ABOUT MEN.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is touted as a general book about men, but it's really geared towards women who are 1) at the beginning of a relationship and 2) not successful at long term relationships. Much of the advice might be ok if you're dating Joe Blow, but men aren't all cookie cutters like the author seems to suggest. If you're literate enough to read this book,written by a doctor, for example, you probably are dating a person who actually reads books and that might enjoy one as a gift. So glad I'm happily married and not dating men like the typical ones described in this book. Maybe it's more applicable in NYC?

Anyhow, I really enjoy reading psychology type books about human nature, etc. I didn't really feel like there was anything I could take away from this book to improve my relationships.

[Krystal Kawabata · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book doesn't even deserve a star.

[Lennie Finch · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm so appalled of this outlook taken on men.

[soda · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's so obvious a boy wrote this (the author is unworthy of the word man).

I could spend hours pointing out the indignant attitudes of the author, but since he's unworthy let me just point out some highlights:

Sometimes I do wish more women would put an effort into looking better, but that's not limited to just women or for a specific reason. We should put ourselves together, but because we have pride in ourselves. However, we should NOT do so for the approval of men. We shouldn't have to dress a certain way just to get a promotion at work. He notes we (women) now have more options than we've had in previous years, such as heels and push up bras ?! Hello SEXISM! Meanwhile if we DO wear these things, we're told how "fake" we are and that we're "trying to hard". Don't even get me started on how they tell us we're "asking for it" - because, you know, anything for them to be allowed to do whatever they want without taking responsibility for their own actions...

Furthermore, let's not be so one sided please. Men also need to put in an effort. Stop wearing tank tops with your pants half way down your ass. Stop walking around with your hair mussed and unshaven. It's not sexy. Girls might like it, but a real woman appreciates effort in putting yourself together. While you're at it, bring back the well tailored 3 piece suit.

One section stated things a man doesn't want to hear. One of them being "I don't want kids"??!! Guess what- I DON'T want to have kids! I'm not the only woman who feels that way. Stop telling women how to fit your ideals, guys. This entire book is how to be a Stepford wife : a brainless piece of enjoyment for men. be sexual if HE wants, but you're not allowed to sleep around- only he is.

In one chapter he explains the process of how to get a man HOOKED and explains that we should play hard to get, be unavailable by not returning calls or making up excuses to bail and act busy, yet in another chapter, explains that "men will wait a certain amount of time" for sex but will move on if it takes too long. WOW! So we HAVE to give it up, but when and how the MAN wants?! Is this the year 1850??

Among many notes to the author, note this: competition does NOT naturally occur when women get together. Women are programmed by men to be each other's come competition. Some women dont get along, just like some men don't get along. Some women get together and there's a natural "sisterhood" that occurs, and get along just fine. Just like with men. This asshole just doesn't like strong, modern women. Furthermore he doesn't seem to know much about us. How is this asshat a doctor?!

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

The way that I found this book was rather amusing: I happened upon it while wandering around the Ft. Collins library in Colorado, waiting for my beer brewery tour at New Belgium brewery. Because I had an hour to kill, I found myself curled up in a chair near the fireplace reading and laughing though this book. Smith's humor and storytelling had me hooked. Eventually, I purchased the Kindle version and read the rest of the text. Just like that first hour at the library, the rest of the book was an extremely quick read.

Now, this book is not at all on the same level as my my beloved "The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire." Smith's work is more like "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" mixed with "Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate" meets "The Game". This is for a woman who's interested in understand a man that's more of a Taurus / physical / sensual personality type. A man that is more urban, focused on looks and desire and curb appeal. I will admit that I read this book with a particular man in my life in mind. He's more like Smith's prototype than not, which is most likely why I was drawn to reading this text.

Overall, this book isn't a soul stirrer like Dieda's work. It's a nice, light text full of little nudges. Take what you want from it - or not.

[KATHY · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was glad to see I wasn't the only one to find this book somewhat offensive. And, too, that not all men are shallow and selfish. I would have appreciated the bluntness and maybe found some entertainment in this if it had more truly helpful or insightful. However, most of us are somewhat familiar with these concepts. The Truth: What they want may not be complex (or it may be), but what they want per this author, is: A LOT. What might they be bringing to the table? Society sets the bar high for women, and so, it is the bitches that win. What about the value of less obvious merits? Women are wonderfully unique despite similarities. AND, WE ARE FINE AS WE ARE. I could only make it halfway through this book. I hope the author is not raising daughters. It is lame and abusive to be told your value is in meeting standards in order to gain approval of 'men'. Apologies in advance: Maybe he wrote this little treatise to get it all out there real clear so we'd all understand and he could finely get laid.

[Vanessa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't usually write reviews on anything but this book really triggered me...The book was decent and informative up until "The Dreaded Pooch" section. In this part of the book, the author explains that a man is "completely fine with a little weight gain in the face, bottom, breasts, almost anywhere. But weight gain in the stomach that leads to the pooch is not attractive".
When i say this part set me off, it SET ME OFF LOL. Men will never understand that a woman's body goes through the absolute most, so im sorry if my little pooch is so disgusting and scary to you :( its not like my body is built and programmed to carry a human inside of my big scary pooch, oh nooo :(
Needless to say i put the book down after that. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[Nikhil P. Freeman · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a heterosexist mess. Benevolent patriarchy surrounded by empty infantile platitudes.
Seriously, have great teeth and felate your man in the morning because it boosts his immune system...this is the truth about men according to a celebrity doctor.
When has fellatio and immune systems ever been linked positively in a text, much less in a relationship advice book?

Might be some nuggets of truth sprinkled throughout, but there is just too much bullshit to ponder it's just not worth it to assault your frontal lobe or insult your multiple intelligences--like I did.

[Azade Eta · Rating 1 out of 5]

Appearance, beautiful bodies, and sex are the first things that can captivate a man, and women must do their best to look perfect and give them what they want. After that, honesty, loyalty, being clever, responsible, and ... only matter in long term relationships. I think that was the whole story of the book. Also, the author emphasises that men don't like to say anything, or try in order to build a good relationship, women just should know everything in advance and carry the relationship load alone!

[Mandy Nash · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didnt learn anything more about men after reading this book than I already knew. I was actually kind of disappointed at how even the author (being a man) seemed to stereotype his own gender. It would have been better if there was more research involved and if the book included a wide variety of interviews with men from different backgrounds, and cultures. It just seemed like a book of one dude's opinion.

[Lilia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. I wound up skimming through the bold print. It was more of a “what do guys truly mean when they say this?” relationship type of book. I found “The Male Brain” by Louann Brizendine to be much more informative about the physiological reasons why men do and say what they do throughout life. Also, “The Female Brain,” by Brizendine was excellent.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like all books giving advice to women about men, each piece of advice should be carefully compared to your particular situation before applying. This is an interesting compilation of advice, scenarios, stories and statistics about how men work in a woman’s world. Bottom line: respect yourself, have your own life, and remain calm.

[Helen Rodriguez · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although it had some good information and insight, I did not like how he shamed certain women for not having a "perfect" body It was almost as if you're not a drop dead gorgeous super model you arent worthy of a man's love not cool.

[Eva Cat · Rating 1 out of 5]

To say that this book is a total disappointment is to say nothing.I’ve never experienced this amount of disgust while reading,honestly doesn’t worth your time,never ever buy this book,please!

[Christy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh. I had mixed feelings from the start on this one... Written mostly one-sided and isn't all that truthful. To an extent, sure - but there are always exceptions to every rule.

Overall it was an entertaining read, but that's as good as it gets.

[Tameka Fleming · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is the same story told in an interesting way. But not a must read.

[Mariyam · Rating 5 out of 5]

such an interesting book

[Lina An · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love to read about men written by men!!

[Lesly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Waste of my time reading this! Terrible advise and terrible book

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book about getting around Pen Island. B.F.F.R.

[Kavish · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is not a bad book.You will get to know a few things about men like why men look at other women.This of course a girlfriend or wife finds offensive but the author explains the reason well.After you read his explanation you won't mind it so much.

This book will not help you attract a man but you can have a little peek inside the man's mind and this can be beneficial once you have found a boyfriend or husband.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. I had seen a television interview with Smith and though it would contain useful info or insights, but I got a bit bored with the book. I didn't feel it was as good as the publicity info made it out to be.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the tone of this book, but it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Does that make me an expert?

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

i'm still clueless. but, i believe the info was accurate.

[Shandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

So accurate information in this quick read...

[Candice · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly reinforce stereotypes about men. Also uses examples that I would never have happen in a relationship.