A Head Full of Blue

by Nick Johnstone

'When I was fourteen, I got drunk for the first time. Champagne drunk. My mouth was stretched in a smile so wide, that my jaw hurt. The sky had the colours of a bruise.' When Nick Johnstone got drunk for the first time at the age of fourteen he discovered a cure for the depression and anxiety that had been humming in his head since childhood. Over the next ten years he drank to overcome shyness, to make the world bearable, to get through the days and to get through the nights. He also began to cut himself and he began to lie. Intelligent, sensitive, from a loving family, neither he nor his countless doctors, psychiatrists, counsellors and therapists could understand where his disorders came from. Then, when he was twenty-four he was admitted into hospital. Stripped of his 'cure', Nick Johnstone painfully began the process of recovery. Although love proves to be the strongest 'cure' of all, this is a story with no tidy or happy endings.

Honest and gripping, by turns stark and lyrical, "A Head Full of Blue" powerfully evokes the often unfathomable psychology and behaviour that drives addiction, examining self-harm as a coping mechanism rather than a taboo. It is an unusual, moving and thought-provoking memoir.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Autobiography, British Literature

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Lena Nisula · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read countless recovery memoirs but this is the first time I've read a whole one in one sitting. Just sayin'

[Budge Burgess · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was a time when I drank too much, when I drank habitually. Much of the time drinking was fun, sometimes I used it as an anaesthetic to escape whatever needed escaping at the time. There were times when I drank simply to free myself from the middle-class demands of career and keeping up appearances. I was usually a good natured, fun drunk – I imagine I could also have been a boring one. And I didn't drive, so caused no one any problems on the way back from the pub.
I also worked as a Probation Officer, so was daily engaged in getting other people to understand the problems they had with alcohol and drugs – problems which, by definition, were bringing them into contact with and problems with the Law!
I read a lot on the subject of alcohol and on therapeutic approaches to problems. I wrote a Master's Degree dissertation on the subject. I undertook professional research into alcohol and drug abuse. I talked to a lot of punters who were having problems. In general, people were happy talking to me - I didn't moralise, they could see I was listening and endeavouring to understand.
From the outset I'd rejected the disease model – and I reject the term 'alcoholism', it's not a medical condition … and it can delude people into believing that it's a one-size-fits-all label; people have problems with alcohol for a wide range of reasons and they experience problems in very different ways. They can change their drinking habits, they can stop drinking heavily, can drink quietly and socially and non-problematically. The concept of 'recovering' is tosh. You have to tackle the problems which you're trying to escape through drink (or drugs) – get yourself on an even keel and you can drink socially and irregularly, use alcohol as relaxation and social stimulus, use alcohol positively.
Johnstone's book is an account of his alcohol career. It's interesting in places, but I'd dispute the honesty and accuracy of his memories. There's a sense of rationalisation, of elaborating a cause-effect chain. So it perhaps reads more like a novel than a memoir of a man who found problems in drink.
It gets a bit tedious. In fact, at times it gets very tedious. And it's a bit self-centred and dedicated to his own self-importance. It's self-reverential. And you sense that he's decided, here's a marketable product, I can sell this. It's not a book which will really help you understand any problems you may have with alcohol. Nor is it a blueprint for how to go about writing your own alcohol memoir – although, if you do have problems with alcohol … or expressed through excess use of alcohol … then, maybe sitting down and writing a journal for yourself might be a good entry point for change.
By all means write about alcohol and you … but find your own voice … that's the road to finding a therapeutic outcome.
If you must read this book, do so with the determination that you really could produce a much better journal yourself, that you can wring more meaning out of your own self-exploration, that you can make a statement which is more real.

[Janina Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing book - in that each and every person that I have lent the book to has seen something different in it. For some it was about alcoholism, for some about being a teenager/ coming of age. Others said it is about depression, growing up with in what feels like the wrong family, addiction... It is written like an account of what happened, not asking for sympathy but not brutalising it either. That as well, for me, made it such compelling writing/ reading.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read, interesting to see the perspective.

[Jane Marland · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first quit lit I ever read. I've re read this a number of time. It made a big impact on me.

[Kerry Sharpe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read this book time and time again. It’s honest. Real. Sensitive. Unapologetic. It’s inspired me to be a better person time and time again.

[Linde · Rating 3 out of 5]

I stumbled upon this book at my local bookstore, the cover caught my attention at first. I'm usually not a memoir reader so I didn't really knew what to expect but I thought let's give it a try (also because it was just €8).

A Head Full of Blue is about the life of Nick, his alcohol problem, coping with depression, girlfriends and getting addicted to all sorts of medication. It gave me a good view about what's going on in the head of an alcohol addict. The craving for numbness and forgetting your issues.

I really liked the writing style of this book also the beautiful metaphors is a great way to explain what the character feels. The reason I gave this book 3 stars is because the end was a bit disappointing, you already knew what was going to happen but anyway, a good read.

[Laurie Mac · Rating 4 out of 5]

A true account of this dude's battle with booze. Jesus he could put it away. its a feel good book in a sense that you feel a bit better knowing someone else drinks way more booze than you, thus making your own drinking problem seem not much of a problem anymore.

[Eleanor Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

A gritty and touching account of the progression and abstention from alcoholism. True to life and a damn good read.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me sadface.

[Kira · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing read. So deep, sad and relatable.
The author was my Creative Writing tutor - a brilliant writer.