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Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior
Hold anyone accountable. Master performance discussions. Get RESULTS.There is audio or video content present in this Kindle file or a web site referred to by it that cannot be played on Kindle e-ink devices.
Broken promises, missed deadlines, poor behavior--they don't just make others' lives miserable; they can sap up to 50 percent of organizational performance and account for the vast majority of divorces. Crucial Accountability offers the tools for improving relationships in the workplace and in life and for resolving all these problems--permanently.
PRAISE FOR CRUCIAL
"Revolutionary ideas ... opportunities for breakthrough ..." -- Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
"Unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level." -- Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager
"The most recommended and most effective resource in my library." -- Stacey Allerton Firth, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada
"Brilliant strategies for those difficult discussions at home and in the workplace." -- Soledad O’Brien, CNN news anchor and producer
"This book is the real deal.... Read it, underline it, learn from it. It's a gem." -- Mike Murray, VP Human Resources and Administration (retired), Microsoft
Broken promises, missed deadlines, poor behavior--they don't just make others' lives miserable; they can sap up to 50 percent of organizational performance and account for the vast majority of divorces. Crucial Accountability offers the tools for improving relationships in the workplace and in life and for resolving all these problems--permanently.
PRAISE FOR CRUCIAL
"Revolutionary ideas ... opportunities for breakthrough ..." -- Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
"Unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level." -- Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager
"The most recommended and most effective resource in my library." -- Stacey Allerton Firth, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada
"Brilliant strategies for those difficult discussions at home and in the workplace." -- Soledad O’Brien, CNN news anchor and producer
"This book is the real deal.... Read it, underline it, learn from it. It's a gem." -- Mike Murray, VP Human Resources and Administration (retired), Microsoft
301 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 21, 2013
1306 people are currently reading
4259 people want to read
About the author
Kerry Patterson
56 books377 followersKerry is a prolific writer who has coauthored numerous articles and award-winning training programs. Kerry taught at Brigham Young University’s Marriott School of Management and then cofounded Interact Performance Systems, where he worked for ten years as vice president of research and development. Kerry is coauthor of the New York Times bestsellers Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. Kerry has completed doctoral work at Stanford University. He is a recipient of the Mentor of the Year Award and the 2004 William G. Dyer Distinguished Alumni Award from Brigham Young University.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 199 reviews
April 7, 2023
How I came to reading this book was by attending a book discussion group this past fall that unanimously decided to read the first installment in the Crucial Skills series, Crucial Conversations. The group’s format is every member reads one chapter each week and then comes to the meeting to discuss the assigned reading, leaving the floor open for anyone to speak about something that stood out to them, or how that chapter pertained to anything they were experiencing. This structure really helped maximize what I got from this vademecum because the group meetings also allowed us to practice the methods taught in each chapter and prove their applicability. I took some useful communication techniques with me from this reading and discussion endeavor and gave it a solid 4-star Goodreads rating.
Then, after we concluded the final chapter of Crucial Conversations, the discussion turned to what book did the group want to read next. The loudest suggestion was to read the next installment in the Crucial Skills series, Crucial Accountability.
Initially, my thought going in was this book is just an opportunity to capitalize on something genuinely good that would only rehash the same old material for the sake of selling however millions of more copies. Feeling a sense of obligation to the group I decided to continue participating, even though I suspected this book was not going to offer anything new. I went in a little salty with the intention of finding any faults, my critical eye searching to find something wrong in each chapter, and as suspected, it did reuse the same concepts.
Howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrr… The presentation of these same strategies being executed specifically in conversations about accountability exhibited another layer of their usefulness.
Who’d a thunk by telling people exactly what you want could instantly solve long-standing disappointments? Sounds obvious when stated this succinctly, but this is another one of those simple solutions that I myself have repeatedly overlooked. Expressing what we would like or not like to happen is not the same as being a demanding tyrant. Being clear about your expectations and then intentionally following up with a conversation about what went well and what fell short of those objectives is an effective way to have our needs met.
“Excuse me mate, there is something I would really like to discuss with you, so when is a good time for you to be available to do that?”
“What!? Who are you and wh-wha-what are you doing in my house? What the, no, just get, just GET OUT!!!”
“Obviously now is not the best time for you. When do you think you might want to meet and talk?”
“HONEY!!! There’s some crazy muthafucka in our house, I think he’s high, call the cops NOW!”
“Yeah, but…”
Yet, not every conversation will go as perfectly as planned, but you also won’t get any results unless you at least try to engage. This duology from the Crucial Skills series equips the reader with the tools to navigate through uncomfortable conversations in a constructive and positive way. I will not rate this as high as Crucial Conversations because it did not have the same eye-opening ah-ha effect, but it was worth my time to read because it increased my confidence to engage in conversations about accountability. What Crucial Conversations gave me and the people in the book discussion group (all of whom I also live with) was a shared language that we are using to help work through our problems and the frustrations that come with living in a congested community. Crucial Accountability has now given us additional tools to support us in holding each other accountable.
Then, after we concluded the final chapter of Crucial Conversations, the discussion turned to what book did the group want to read next. The loudest suggestion was to read the next installment in the Crucial Skills series, Crucial Accountability.
Initially, my thought going in was this book is just an opportunity to capitalize on something genuinely good that would only rehash the same old material for the sake of selling however millions of more copies. Feeling a sense of obligation to the group I decided to continue participating, even though I suspected this book was not going to offer anything new. I went in a little salty with the intention of finding any faults, my critical eye searching to find something wrong in each chapter, and as suspected, it did reuse the same concepts.
Howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrr… The presentation of these same strategies being executed specifically in conversations about accountability exhibited another layer of their usefulness.
Who’d a thunk by telling people exactly what you want could instantly solve long-standing disappointments? Sounds obvious when stated this succinctly, but this is another one of those simple solutions that I myself have repeatedly overlooked. Expressing what we would like or not like to happen is not the same as being a demanding tyrant. Being clear about your expectations and then intentionally following up with a conversation about what went well and what fell short of those objectives is an effective way to have our needs met.
“Excuse me mate, there is something I would really like to discuss with you, so when is a good time for you to be available to do that?”
“What!? Who are you and wh-wha-what are you doing in my house? What the, no, just get, just GET OUT!!!”
“Obviously now is not the best time for you. When do you think you might want to meet and talk?”
“HONEY!!! There’s some crazy muthafucka in our house, I think he’s high, call the cops NOW!”
“Yeah, but…”
Yet, not every conversation will go as perfectly as planned, but you also won’t get any results unless you at least try to engage. This duology from the Crucial Skills series equips the reader with the tools to navigate through uncomfortable conversations in a constructive and positive way. I will not rate this as high as Crucial Conversations because it did not have the same eye-opening ah-ha effect, but it was worth my time to read because it increased my confidence to engage in conversations about accountability. What Crucial Conversations gave me and the people in the book discussion group (all of whom I also live with) was a shared language that we are using to help work through our problems and the frustrations that come with living in a congested community. Crucial Accountability has now given us additional tools to support us in holding each other accountable.
July 26, 2019
The business communication ideas in this book are sound. However, there are two example stories in this book that should banish it back to the 1950s. In one, the author uses the term “hussy” to describe a woman - clearly unacceptable in 2019, particularly in a business setting. In the other example, a husband tries to coerce his wife into an intimate encounter when she clearly says no. This is not a communication issue for the business environment. It perpetuates patriarchal stereotypes - clearly unacceptable for the business world. Perhaps the author could take a moment to review the audience for the book. These outdated ideas about women have no place in the current business climate. I gave it two stars for the excellent ideas it offers, but they are lost in the misogyny.
February 15, 2019
Crucial Accountability
“If something comes up, let me know right away.” Then decide together.
THE BIG IDEAS FROM EACH STEP:
Choose What and If
• What - Ask yourself what you really want. You can talk about the content, the pattern, or the relationship. To stay focused, ask what you really want.
• If - Are you talking yourself out of an accountability discussion? Don’t let fear substitute for reason. Think carefully not just about the risks of having the conversation but also about the risks of not having it.
Master my stories
Instead of assuming the worst and then acting in ways that confirm your story, stop and tell the rest of the story. Ask: “why would a reasonable person not do what he or she promised?“ “What role might I have played?“ When you see the other person as a human being rather than a villain, you’re ready to begin.
Describe the gap
Make it safe by starting with the facts and describing the gap between what was expected and what was observed. Tentatively share your story or only after you’ve shared your fax. And with a question to help diagnose.
Make it motivating and easy
After you’ve paused to diagnose, listen for motivation and ability. Remember you rarely need power. In fact, power puts you at risk. Instead, make it motivating and make it easy. To do that, explore the six sources of influence. Remember to consider the social and structural sources of influence.
Agree on a plan and follow up.
Remember who does what by win and then follow what this idea is simple and services it’s own reminder. Then asked to make sure you’re not leaving out any details or missing any possible barriers.
Stay focused and flexible
As other issues come up, don’t meander; consciously choose whether to change the conversation to the new issue. Waive the new infraction. If it’s more serious or time sensitive, deal with it. If it is not, don’t get sidetracked.
“If something comes up, let me know right away.” Then decide together.
THE BIG IDEAS FROM EACH STEP:
Choose What and If
• What - Ask yourself what you really want. You can talk about the content, the pattern, or the relationship. To stay focused, ask what you really want.
• If - Are you talking yourself out of an accountability discussion? Don’t let fear substitute for reason. Think carefully not just about the risks of having the conversation but also about the risks of not having it.
Master my stories
Instead of assuming the worst and then acting in ways that confirm your story, stop and tell the rest of the story. Ask: “why would a reasonable person not do what he or she promised?“ “What role might I have played?“ When you see the other person as a human being rather than a villain, you’re ready to begin.
Describe the gap
Make it safe by starting with the facts and describing the gap between what was expected and what was observed. Tentatively share your story or only after you’ve shared your fax. And with a question to help diagnose.
Make it motivating and easy
After you’ve paused to diagnose, listen for motivation and ability. Remember you rarely need power. In fact, power puts you at risk. Instead, make it motivating and make it easy. To do that, explore the six sources of influence. Remember to consider the social and structural sources of influence.
Agree on a plan and follow up.
Remember who does what by win and then follow what this idea is simple and services it’s own reminder. Then asked to make sure you’re not leaving out any details or missing any possible barriers.
Stay focused and flexible
As other issues come up, don’t meander; consciously choose whether to change the conversation to the new issue. Waive the new infraction. If it’s more serious or time sensitive, deal with it. If it is not, don’t get sidetracked.
August 17, 2017
Subtitled “Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior,” this book is the updated version of “Crucial Conversations.” The authors are the leaders of Vitalsmarts, an innovator in best-practices training products and services.
After describing exactly what “crucial accountability” is, the authors start in Part One by having the reader look in the mirror, determining what should be addressed personally before any discussion takes place. Choosing “what” and “if” focuses on what conversation should take place, if any. They encourage you to “master your story,” being sure that your mind is in the right place before you say a word. In other words don’t assume you know what caused anyone to act the way they did! You’re probably wrong!
Part Two focuses on “creating safety,” providing practical advice on how to start an accountability discussion, creating motivation for change, encouraging commitment and staying focused while being flexible in the face of the inevitable “curve balls” that often occur.
Part Three, “Move to Action,” speaks to agreeing to a specific plan, following up, dealing with complicated problems, as well as a great chapter on what they call the “Yeah-Buts” (”I already tried that, and it didn’t work!”).
This extremely practical book closes with a self-assessment for the readers to measure their skills in holding an accountability discussion, as well as presenting diagnostic questions for the author’s “Six Source Model” to assist in understanding why people do what they do (back to Master the Story). The six sources they suggest are 1) Self, Motivate (Pain and Pleasure), 2) Self, Enable (Strengths and Weaknesses), 3)Others, Motivate (Praise and Pressure), 4)Others, Enable (Helps and Hindrances). 5)Things, Motivate (Carrots and Sticks) and 6)Things, Enable (Bridges and Barriers).
The appendix closes with advice on actions to take “When Things Go Right” as well as providing a collection of discussion questions for reading groups.
An exceptional resource for anyone who needs to “have that talk,” whether at home or in the workplace!
After describing exactly what “crucial accountability” is, the authors start in Part One by having the reader look in the mirror, determining what should be addressed personally before any discussion takes place. Choosing “what” and “if” focuses on what conversation should take place, if any. They encourage you to “master your story,” being sure that your mind is in the right place before you say a word. In other words don’t assume you know what caused anyone to act the way they did! You’re probably wrong!
Part Two focuses on “creating safety,” providing practical advice on how to start an accountability discussion, creating motivation for change, encouraging commitment and staying focused while being flexible in the face of the inevitable “curve balls” that often occur.
Part Three, “Move to Action,” speaks to agreeing to a specific plan, following up, dealing with complicated problems, as well as a great chapter on what they call the “Yeah-Buts” (”I already tried that, and it didn’t work!”).
This extremely practical book closes with a self-assessment for the readers to measure their skills in holding an accountability discussion, as well as presenting diagnostic questions for the author’s “Six Source Model” to assist in understanding why people do what they do (back to Master the Story). The six sources they suggest are 1) Self, Motivate (Pain and Pleasure), 2) Self, Enable (Strengths and Weaknesses), 3)Others, Motivate (Praise and Pressure), 4)Others, Enable (Helps and Hindrances). 5)Things, Motivate (Carrots and Sticks) and 6)Things, Enable (Bridges and Barriers).
The appendix closes with advice on actions to take “When Things Go Right” as well as providing a collection of discussion questions for reading groups.
An exceptional resource for anyone who needs to “have that talk,” whether at home or in the workplace!
June 3, 2024
It’s a fact of life that we all have to work with someone at some point and it’s not always the easiest thing to do. From working within your family unit, to cooperative efforts in school, or the individuals who make up the work place, each individual has his own idea how certain things should work. Naturally, when multiple ideas and personalities come into play, things may not be done in the most efficient manner and cause problems that need to be discussed. The issue, most individuals would rather avoid such conversations, but accountability is an important aspect of life. The authors in this book discuss the fact that accountability, and the hesitation or reluctance to confront another individual about his accountability, is a very human thing. In that way, the authors describe a process that makes all parties involved feel human. Each party feels heard and understood, and ideally, if both sides stick to their shard agreements, trust and respect are restored, both parties take accountability in their actions, and the situations in day to day life can become a more positive experience.
January 10, 2020
The principles in this book are dynamite, but they are mostly a rehashing and reapplication from the original "Crucial Conversations," which I highly recommend. I would give this more stars if I hadn't read CC. Still, some of the newer material in this book might make its way into my Organizational Behavior course.
May 10, 2019
This book as well as Crucial Conversations are two of my favorite business books. If tough conversations are a challenge, either at work or in your personal life, these are a great resource.
August 6, 2023
I really liked this book. I got it for work - hoping to improve difficult conversations. I picked up a lot - there's a lot of highlighting and thoughts. I would have to stop and ponder while reading it. However, it's a bit of a slow starter. The first three chapters kept talking about the importance of having these conversations. And I knew that. That's why I got the book.
The book was good. It gave great examples and helped me. It can be used for many different situations. I will have to reread it and keep working on those conversations.
The book was good. It gave great examples and helped me. It can be used for many different situations. I will have to reread it and keep working on those conversations.
October 25, 2024
This book is another Vital Smarts installment that focuses on applying behavioral science to interpersonal relationships. The book uses the same framework as other books by the same authors (Crucial Conversations, The Influencer) that they refer to as the Six Sources of Influence.
Crucial Accountability provides a practical guide to holding others accountable. Unlike many self-help books, it is packed full of valuable insights. I found myself preferring to take it in small bites to give myself time to ruminate on the content.
Crucial Accountability provides a practical guide to holding others accountable. Unlike many self-help books, it is packed full of valuable insights. I found myself preferring to take it in small bites to give myself time to ruminate on the content.
March 24, 2023
Okay confession I almost finished the book but probs won’t. This book is useful if you’re in a highly competitive secular work environment where people’s virtue is questionable. In missionary work a little less applicable on the super extreme examples they give with disrespect. I also thought some of the examples were ridiculous so I didn’t love that. Did learn some good techniques on how to have accountability convos. I have to say business books not my top choice for reading.
December 28, 2018
I didn't know how much I needed this book until I read it for one of my classes. As someone who has had hard time confronting people all her life, this was a precious little tool to learn those little techniques that could be used to have a proper 'accountability conversation' with someone you need to confront.
January 24, 2025
Not a lot of new material in this book, but it does an excellent job of reinforcing the principles and practices from Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations. A very good refresher, and well worth the read...
April 5, 2020
Tangible tips that every leader should know. I look forward to using this every single day in my job. The answers to dealing with difficult bosses, employees who fall short on promises... it’s all here
December 20, 2021
Where has this book been all my life? It is hands-down the best manual on giving feedback that I've ever seen. Practical and not preachy, and you can start applying the lessons you learn immediately, both in professional and personal settings.
December 19, 2022
The techniques and structures used remind me a lot of non violent communication; a big difference with NVC is that is going into a very specific focus on accountability. A great read, more of a manual, for anyone especially in a leadership role.
November 12, 2023
Rounding this one up to 4 stars out of respect for Crucial Conversations, which I loved. This one was more of the same, but also not as strong. The ratio of actionable advice to filler didn’t quite meet the bar for me.
October 3, 2025
I hate these types of books but this one was actually okay. Probably a really great read for people pleasers; I am not one, but enjoyed the framework this provided. Some of the examples are so outdated and inappropriate for a book aimed at professionals.
November 22, 2015
The book is full of recipes how to behave in tough conversations. Highly recommended to everyone, who works or leads groups
August 8, 2020
This book has been a good read, I can apply the nuggets taken away from this book in my Family, Work, and Business.
August 15, 2020
This book is exceptionally good. I listened to it on Audible, but it didn't work too well. It needs to be read, practiced and embodied. I highly recommend it.
June 13, 2024
A premium book, a great example of how to make a complex topic extremely practical.
April 6, 2025
Fantastic book. Helpful examples.
September 1, 2019
Oh look, I'm finally reviewing this, almost two months later. This is what comes of getting behind :-D
As is usual for books by this crew, the content is top notch and provides valuable tools. As is also the case for books by this group, as writing, it's a bit dry.
This book covers crucial accountability conversations. These conversations are reserved for serious violated expectations or broken commitments. Often they are challenging to even start. The first part of the model asks you to consider: is this a time for an accountability conversation? Figure out what the conversation should be about and then if it is worth having. Not all problems are serious enough to warrant an accountability conversation. One useful tool from this section is to think about repeated infractions through the lens of CPR. The first time a violation occurs, discuss the content ("you were late for an important meeting"). The second time, discuss the pattern ("you are regularly late for an important meeting"). The third time, start to discuss the impact on your relationship ("I can no longer trust you to handle important meetings").
The second part of the model asks you to make sure that you are not looking at the event too narrowly. Come in informed. Ask yourself why a reasonable, rational person would do what you've observed (keep asking until you actually believe your answer). While doing this, look at all of the sources of influence on a person (this pulls heavily from the model in Influencer): what are their sources of personal motivation? Peer motivation? Structural motivation (e.g., incentives and punishments)? What about their personal ability? Do they have the right support from others? Does the structure and environment support their getting the task done?
Finally, you are ready to have the accountability conversation. The most important thing is to create an atmosphere of psychological safety. If a topic is not particularly sensitive then you can start by simply and directly describe the performance gap between what was expected and what was observed. Do not include your interpretation yet. If you see signs that safety is at risk, stop immediately and work to repair it. Then tentatively share your interpretation about what happened. Finally, end with a simple, sincere, "What happened?"
If safety is at risk, consider why. The two primary reasons people feel unsafe is that they believe that you do not respect them as a person or they believe that your goals are at odds with theirs. To restore safety, first make sure you really do respect the other person. You can't fake it. Then you can use contrasting to explicitly say what you don't mean, "I am not saying you do not care about these important meetings. It's just that regularly being late...". If the problem is lack of mutual purpose, again start by looking at yourself. Is your goal aligned with their goals? If not, then the conversation is not likely to go well. If it is aligned, then openly stating your goal can help get the conversation back on track ("I really want you to be at your most effective when interacting with our VP."). Other things that help are always (always always) having accountability conversations in private and asking permission before discussing delicate topics.
Once mutual purpose has been established and you both agree on the accountability gap, the next step is to motivate the other person to overcome the gap. Look at the influence model to figure out what motivations may be lacking. Do not be afraid to highlight the natural consequences of failing to change. On the flip side, don't assume that everything is a motivation problem. Look for gaps in ability. And be honest about the impact of social and structural challenges on motivation and ability. If there is social status loss associated with closing the gap or if there are structural reasons that make execution hard, then focusing on personal motivation and skills will not be enough. Or to put it another way, fixing the accountability gap may not be something that the other person can do on their own.
Importantly, make sure the end of the conversation clearly defines who will do what by when. Make sure that the details are clear. Vague commitments to do better next time are not sufficient. Ask whatever clarifying questions you need to be confident that the plan addresses the issue. And then, critically, remember to actually follow-up. Consider this your responsibility as the person who initiated the conversation.
That's the gist of the model. The book itself contains numerous illustrative examples as well as discussions of what not to do.
Ending on a personal note, doing this is hard. A real accountability conversation takes time and work, and it's easy to try and skimp on the preparation. However, without this, as I know from personal experience, it's altogether too easy to get stuck in the debating the details of the content rather than the accountability gap. And it's even easier to not have time to get a clear and agreed upon commitment on next steps. Having a model helps you see what you're doing wrong, but only practice will get you to the point where you do it right.
As is usual for books by this crew, the content is top notch and provides valuable tools. As is also the case for books by this group, as writing, it's a bit dry.
This book covers crucial accountability conversations. These conversations are reserved for serious violated expectations or broken commitments. Often they are challenging to even start. The first part of the model asks you to consider: is this a time for an accountability conversation? Figure out what the conversation should be about and then if it is worth having. Not all problems are serious enough to warrant an accountability conversation. One useful tool from this section is to think about repeated infractions through the lens of CPR. The first time a violation occurs, discuss the content ("you were late for an important meeting"). The second time, discuss the pattern ("you are regularly late for an important meeting"). The third time, start to discuss the impact on your relationship ("I can no longer trust you to handle important meetings").
The second part of the model asks you to make sure that you are not looking at the event too narrowly. Come in informed. Ask yourself why a reasonable, rational person would do what you've observed (keep asking until you actually believe your answer). While doing this, look at all of the sources of influence on a person (this pulls heavily from the model in Influencer): what are their sources of personal motivation? Peer motivation? Structural motivation (e.g., incentives and punishments)? What about their personal ability? Do they have the right support from others? Does the structure and environment support their getting the task done?
Finally, you are ready to have the accountability conversation. The most important thing is to create an atmosphere of psychological safety. If a topic is not particularly sensitive then you can start by simply and directly describe the performance gap between what was expected and what was observed. Do not include your interpretation yet. If you see signs that safety is at risk, stop immediately and work to repair it. Then tentatively share your interpretation about what happened. Finally, end with a simple, sincere, "What happened?"
If safety is at risk, consider why. The two primary reasons people feel unsafe is that they believe that you do not respect them as a person or they believe that your goals are at odds with theirs. To restore safety, first make sure you really do respect the other person. You can't fake it. Then you can use contrasting to explicitly say what you don't mean, "I am not saying you do not care about these important meetings. It's just that regularly being late...". If the problem is lack of mutual purpose, again start by looking at yourself. Is your goal aligned with their goals? If not, then the conversation is not likely to go well. If it is aligned, then openly stating your goal can help get the conversation back on track ("I really want you to be at your most effective when interacting with our VP."). Other things that help are always (always always) having accountability conversations in private and asking permission before discussing delicate topics.
Once mutual purpose has been established and you both agree on the accountability gap, the next step is to motivate the other person to overcome the gap. Look at the influence model to figure out what motivations may be lacking. Do not be afraid to highlight the natural consequences of failing to change. On the flip side, don't assume that everything is a motivation problem. Look for gaps in ability. And be honest about the impact of social and structural challenges on motivation and ability. If there is social status loss associated with closing the gap or if there are structural reasons that make execution hard, then focusing on personal motivation and skills will not be enough. Or to put it another way, fixing the accountability gap may not be something that the other person can do on their own.
Importantly, make sure the end of the conversation clearly defines who will do what by when. Make sure that the details are clear. Vague commitments to do better next time are not sufficient. Ask whatever clarifying questions you need to be confident that the plan addresses the issue. And then, critically, remember to actually follow-up. Consider this your responsibility as the person who initiated the conversation.
That's the gist of the model. The book itself contains numerous illustrative examples as well as discussions of what not to do.
Ending on a personal note, doing this is hard. A real accountability conversation takes time and work, and it's easy to try and skimp on the preparation. However, without this, as I know from personal experience, it's altogether too easy to get stuck in the debating the details of the content rather than the accountability gap. And it's even easier to not have time to get a clear and agreed upon commitment on next steps. Having a model helps you see what you're doing wrong, but only practice will get you to the point where you do it right.
February 1, 2026
Overall, it was very informative, however, there was a lot of information that I was already well aware of. I mean, it’s to be expected that they are going to cover the basics of interactions but it nearly put me in a reading slump trying to get through some of those chapters. When I feel like I’m not getting anything out of it, it becomes difficult to carry on.
Here are thoughts that I felt impactful enough to mark:
“Rare is the sudden and unexpected emotional explosion that wasn’t preceded by a lengthy period of tortured silence.”
“Ask yourself, ‘Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?’”
“Social pressure is the mother of all stupidity.”
“We become righteously indignant only when others have tread on sacred ground.”
Here are thoughts that I felt impactful enough to mark:
“Rare is the sudden and unexpected emotional explosion that wasn’t preceded by a lengthy period of tortured silence.”
“Ask yourself, ‘Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?’”
“Social pressure is the mother of all stupidity.”
“We become righteously indignant only when others have tread on sacred ground.”
February 14, 2025
"Crucial Accountability" is a guide to managing high-stakes conversations where accountability is key. The book provides tools and strategies to address broken promises, unmet expectations, and poor performance in ways that foster mutual respect and positive outcomes. It emphasizes the importance of staying calm, creating a safe environment, and holding others accountable without resorting to blame or defensiveness.
One topic in the book that I found especially useful was "Restoring Safety," which refers to ensuring that all parties feel respected and safe to engage in difficult conversations without fear of attack or rejection. It involves addressing any concerns or emotions that might make someone feel unsafe, allowing the conversation to proceed productively and with mutual understanding.
For example, a technique I plan to implement is called "contrasting." It involves clarifying what you don’t mean in the conversation to prevent misunderstandings and help the person feel safe. By saying something like, "I don’t mean for you to think I’m blaming you," it helps reduce defensiveness and restores safety in the dialogue.
This segment of the book helped normalize that I may need to help others "return to safety" multiple times during an accountability conversation by using the various techniques…not just once.
While the book was helpful in supporting my own growth areas of improving my accountability and conflict management skills, I do wish it had more examples and "scripts" to demonstrate the techniques in action. It often started a chapter with a bunch of scenarios, but didn’t always close the loop on how to implement the techniques to each of the scenarios. In my opinion, it could have had four or five times more practical examples where they follow the principles of the book through from start to finish.
While I understand the authors’ intention to universally implement the techniques on both personal and professional examples, it sometimes got a little muddied. There were scenarios with a spouse, child, subordinate at work, boss, etc. if they didn’t want to specialize in one topic, I think they needed far more examples with practical applications in order to balance the nuance in the various situations.
I recommend the next edition include a section at the end solely dedicated to various case studies where they provide a scenario, ask the reader some critical thinking questions, provide the authors’ recommendation to practically apply the strategies and techniques, and include the example conversation all the way through to its resolution.
In addition to needing more examples, there was one technique that rubbed me the wrong way. I was reading this more from a business lens, more specifically holding accountability with difficult people where there is a power imbalance (for example, having accountability conversations with leadership within my own company, as well as external customers). As a female leader in a male-dominated industry, the technique to “apologize as appropriate” and the corresponding examples felt off and inappropriate to me. I’m working on apologizing less not more.
I don’t think apologizing should be a technique to hold someone accountable (or it needs better explanation of why it is, and go into more detail of when it is and is not appropriate). I think it should be framed that the person leading an accountability conversation also needs to be mindful and may need to take accountability of their own actions. There may need to be a separate chapter or section on how to TAKE accountability of one’s own self (as opposed to HOLD accountability of others), which may or may not include apologizing. They are two different things, but aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, and the nuance needs to be better demonstrated in my opinion.
One topic in the book that I found especially useful was "Restoring Safety," which refers to ensuring that all parties feel respected and safe to engage in difficult conversations without fear of attack or rejection. It involves addressing any concerns or emotions that might make someone feel unsafe, allowing the conversation to proceed productively and with mutual understanding.
For example, a technique I plan to implement is called "contrasting." It involves clarifying what you don’t mean in the conversation to prevent misunderstandings and help the person feel safe. By saying something like, "I don’t mean for you to think I’m blaming you," it helps reduce defensiveness and restores safety in the dialogue.
This segment of the book helped normalize that I may need to help others "return to safety" multiple times during an accountability conversation by using the various techniques…not just once.
While the book was helpful in supporting my own growth areas of improving my accountability and conflict management skills, I do wish it had more examples and "scripts" to demonstrate the techniques in action. It often started a chapter with a bunch of scenarios, but didn’t always close the loop on how to implement the techniques to each of the scenarios. In my opinion, it could have had four or five times more practical examples where they follow the principles of the book through from start to finish.
While I understand the authors’ intention to universally implement the techniques on both personal and professional examples, it sometimes got a little muddied. There were scenarios with a spouse, child, subordinate at work, boss, etc. if they didn’t want to specialize in one topic, I think they needed far more examples with practical applications in order to balance the nuance in the various situations.
I recommend the next edition include a section at the end solely dedicated to various case studies where they provide a scenario, ask the reader some critical thinking questions, provide the authors’ recommendation to practically apply the strategies and techniques, and include the example conversation all the way through to its resolution.
In addition to needing more examples, there was one technique that rubbed me the wrong way. I was reading this more from a business lens, more specifically holding accountability with difficult people where there is a power imbalance (for example, having accountability conversations with leadership within my own company, as well as external customers). As a female leader in a male-dominated industry, the technique to “apologize as appropriate” and the corresponding examples felt off and inappropriate to me. I’m working on apologizing less not more.
I don’t think apologizing should be a technique to hold someone accountable (or it needs better explanation of why it is, and go into more detail of when it is and is not appropriate). I think it should be framed that the person leading an accountability conversation also needs to be mindful and may need to take accountability of their own actions. There may need to be a separate chapter or section on how to TAKE accountability of one’s own self (as opposed to HOLD accountability of others), which may or may not include apologizing. They are two different things, but aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, and the nuance needs to be better demonstrated in my opinion.
January 18, 2026
This is a really good book on holding a productive accountability conversations. (Once I understood the layout of the book. Idk why I had a hard time with comprehending the set up of the book.)
I wish I had this book when I first became a manager. I had to learn some of these things the hard way.
I happen to come across this book. While I know I have improved naturally through trial and error, I wanted to keep improving.
I was in the middle of reading this book and was able to hold an accountability convo with the other person in a high emotion state. It ended up smoothly with using what I had learned so far.
I have not read the crucial conversation book. So that one might be next.
I wish I had this book when I first became a manager. I had to learn some of these things the hard way.
I happen to come across this book. While I know I have improved naturally through trial and error, I wanted to keep improving.
I was in the middle of reading this book and was able to hold an accountability convo with the other person in a high emotion state. It ended up smoothly with using what I had learned so far.
I have not read the crucial conversation book. So that one might be next.
May 3, 2025
A practical guide on accountability and how to talk through it.
Key Ideas:
1. Accountability Conversations Are Crucial
Avoiding tough conversations leads to resentment, poor results, and broken trust. Instead, effective leaders and colleagues engage respectfully and promptly when expectations are not met.
2. Start with Heart
Examine your own motives. Stay focused on what you really want—for yourself, the other person, and the relationship. Avoid slipping into blame or self-righteousness.
3. Identify the Gap
Clearly define the gap between what was expected and what was delivered. Be specific and objective—don’t exaggerate or generalize.
4. Diagnose Before You Act
Understand why the gap occurred. The authors introduce the concept of “CPR”:
• C = Content (a single instance)
• P = Pattern (a repeated issue)
• R = Relationship (a damaged level of trust or respect)
This helps you identify what level of the issue you need to address.
5. Master the Story
Avoid jumping to conclusions. Separate facts from your emotions and assumptions. Choose a story that enables empathy, curiosity, and shared problem-solving.
6. Make It Safe
People don’t listen when they feel threatened. To create safety:
• Re-establish mutual purpose (why this matters to both parties)
• Use contrasting: clarify what you don’t intend (“I’m not trying to blame you”) and what you do (“I want to work this out”).
7. Move to Action
Turn the conversation into clear agreements:
• Who will do what, by when?
• How will follow-up happen?
• What are the consequences of not following through?
8. Stay Focused and Flexible
Be ready to shift between listening, diagnosing, and problem-solving. Stay flexible, but don’t lose sight of the accountability goal.
⸻
Proxies (Frameworks & Tools):
• CPR Model (Content–Pattern–Relationship): Helps diagnose the level of the accountability breakdown.
• STATE My Path: Framework to express concerns:
• Share your facts
• Tell your story
• Ask for others’ paths
• Talk tentatively
• Encourage testing (inviting feedback and discussion)
• Six Sources of Influence: For diagnosing persistent accountability gaps:
• Personal Motivation / Ability
• Social Motivation / Ability
• Structural Motivation / Ability
(This helps in designing effective solutions that address root causes.)
• Make It Safe: Reinforce mutual purpose and mutual respect to keep dialogue open.
• Accountability Contracting: Define clear next steps, including:
• What is expected
• Who will do it
• Deadlines
• How progress or follow-through will be reviewed
Key Ideas:
1. Accountability Conversations Are Crucial
Avoiding tough conversations leads to resentment, poor results, and broken trust. Instead, effective leaders and colleagues engage respectfully and promptly when expectations are not met.
2. Start with Heart
Examine your own motives. Stay focused on what you really want—for yourself, the other person, and the relationship. Avoid slipping into blame or self-righteousness.
3. Identify the Gap
Clearly define the gap between what was expected and what was delivered. Be specific and objective—don’t exaggerate or generalize.
4. Diagnose Before You Act
Understand why the gap occurred. The authors introduce the concept of “CPR”:
• C = Content (a single instance)
• P = Pattern (a repeated issue)
• R = Relationship (a damaged level of trust or respect)
This helps you identify what level of the issue you need to address.
5. Master the Story
Avoid jumping to conclusions. Separate facts from your emotions and assumptions. Choose a story that enables empathy, curiosity, and shared problem-solving.
6. Make It Safe
People don’t listen when they feel threatened. To create safety:
• Re-establish mutual purpose (why this matters to both parties)
• Use contrasting: clarify what you don’t intend (“I’m not trying to blame you”) and what you do (“I want to work this out”).
7. Move to Action
Turn the conversation into clear agreements:
• Who will do what, by when?
• How will follow-up happen?
• What are the consequences of not following through?
8. Stay Focused and Flexible
Be ready to shift between listening, diagnosing, and problem-solving. Stay flexible, but don’t lose sight of the accountability goal.
⸻
Proxies (Frameworks & Tools):
• CPR Model (Content–Pattern–Relationship): Helps diagnose the level of the accountability breakdown.
• STATE My Path: Framework to express concerns:
• Share your facts
• Tell your story
• Ask for others’ paths
• Talk tentatively
• Encourage testing (inviting feedback and discussion)
• Six Sources of Influence: For diagnosing persistent accountability gaps:
• Personal Motivation / Ability
• Social Motivation / Ability
• Structural Motivation / Ability
(This helps in designing effective solutions that address root causes.)
• Make It Safe: Reinforce mutual purpose and mutual respect to keep dialogue open.
• Accountability Contracting: Define clear next steps, including:
• What is expected
• Who will do it
• Deadlines
• How progress or follow-through will be reviewed
September 15, 2024
Handling difficult conversations comprises a key element for navigating life successfully, yet most of us have little training about how to accomplish this. We end up listening to mentors or pastors to refine our skillset. Is there any science or education that could lend insight to how to, at the very least, survive these conversations? This set of authors, who penned the famously successful book Crucial Conversations, submit this guide to aid individuals’ journeys.
They provide a set of tools with examples to enact them. Honestly, I didn’t find the tools particularly helpful and soon forgot them after reading them. The examples, however, allowed me to extrapolate from the principles to real-life events that intersect with my life. Because accountability conversations can occur at work or at home, their examples teach how to handle both settings. They not only illustrate their ideas but forecast common obstacles many encounter when first practicing the skill.
At times, this book can seem a bit formulaic: If you do such-and-such, some good result will happen. If only life were this simple! Unfortunately, oppressive systems and bigoted discrimination still occur that prevent people from acting reasonably. This book does not directly address those scenarios. It assumes rational actors on both sides. While I agree that most people I deal with fit into this camp, other personal experiences make me doubt that life always fits into this box.
Again, the authors focus on both work and home environments and thus hit a wide audience. Any adult with responsibilities can potentially benefit. This book aims to be a teacher and to move readers into unbiased teachers of handling accountability discussions. Thus, this book represents more of a class than a light read to peruse. Readers do require a bit of life experience and savviness to appreciate the scenarios posited.
The biggest benefit is that previously difficult conversations become a whole lot less intimidating. Complexity cannot be completely avoided, but the self-confidence required to handle those scenarios can increase. Crucial Accountability helps readers to think through how they might handle and even embrace those challenging situations better.
They provide a set of tools with examples to enact them. Honestly, I didn’t find the tools particularly helpful and soon forgot them after reading them. The examples, however, allowed me to extrapolate from the principles to real-life events that intersect with my life. Because accountability conversations can occur at work or at home, their examples teach how to handle both settings. They not only illustrate their ideas but forecast common obstacles many encounter when first practicing the skill.
At times, this book can seem a bit formulaic: If you do such-and-such, some good result will happen. If only life were this simple! Unfortunately, oppressive systems and bigoted discrimination still occur that prevent people from acting reasonably. This book does not directly address those scenarios. It assumes rational actors on both sides. While I agree that most people I deal with fit into this camp, other personal experiences make me doubt that life always fits into this box.
Again, the authors focus on both work and home environments and thus hit a wide audience. Any adult with responsibilities can potentially benefit. This book aims to be a teacher and to move readers into unbiased teachers of handling accountability discussions. Thus, this book represents more of a class than a light read to peruse. Readers do require a bit of life experience and savviness to appreciate the scenarios posited.
The biggest benefit is that previously difficult conversations become a whole lot less intimidating. Complexity cannot be completely avoided, but the self-confidence required to handle those scenarios can increase. Crucial Accountability helps readers to think through how they might handle and even embrace those challenging situations better.
December 17, 2023
Topic: Communication, Feedback
Amazon Rating: 4.7/5
goodreads Rating: 4.1/5
Nick’s Rating: 4.0/5
Who should (or when to) read this: Your are looking for ways to handle hard conversations and or approach correcting poor behavior or performance
Nick’s Major takeaway(s): Hard conversations are… well… hard, planning how to bring up sensitive topics and create a feeling of trust is a must. When people feel you value them, your motives are pure and that they are safe, you can tell them almost anything.
Notable Quotes: “We’re asking you to undo years of practice, maybe even eons of genetic shaping that prod you to take flight or pick a fight (when under attack), and recode the stimulus. “Ah, that’s a sign that the other person feels unsafe.” And then what? Do something to make it safe.” – Kerry Patterson, et al.
“Provide individuals who have been disappointed or poorly treated with something to say and a way to say it that leads to the result they want, and their mental math changes.”
“When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open. That’s it. At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.”
“When we first trained people to deal with ability problems, it all seemed so simple. You ask others for their ideas, you get to hear their best thoughts, and they feel empowered. What could be easier? Who could possibly mess this up? As it turns out, there are several ways to go wrong.”
“BUT WILL IT WORK FOR ME? After decades of tireless research, we have now identified about two-dozen accountability skills that, when used at the right time and delivered in the right fashion, separated positive deviants from everyone else.”
If you are interested in more suggestions about personal development, growth and leadership; follow me at https://www.linkedin.com/in/level-up-... to see content on “level up literature” #lul
Amazon Rating: 4.7/5
goodreads Rating: 4.1/5
Nick’s Rating: 4.0/5
Who should (or when to) read this: Your are looking for ways to handle hard conversations and or approach correcting poor behavior or performance
Nick’s Major takeaway(s): Hard conversations are… well… hard, planning how to bring up sensitive topics and create a feeling of trust is a must. When people feel you value them, your motives are pure and that they are safe, you can tell them almost anything.
Notable Quotes: “We’re asking you to undo years of practice, maybe even eons of genetic shaping that prod you to take flight or pick a fight (when under attack), and recode the stimulus. “Ah, that’s a sign that the other person feels unsafe.” And then what? Do something to make it safe.” – Kerry Patterson, et al.
“Provide individuals who have been disappointed or poorly treated with something to say and a way to say it that leads to the result they want, and their mental math changes.”
“When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open. That’s it. At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.”
“When we first trained people to deal with ability problems, it all seemed so simple. You ask others for their ideas, you get to hear their best thoughts, and they feel empowered. What could be easier? Who could possibly mess this up? As it turns out, there are several ways to go wrong.”
“BUT WILL IT WORK FOR ME? After decades of tireless research, we have now identified about two-dozen accountability skills that, when used at the right time and delivered in the right fashion, separated positive deviants from everyone else.”
If you are interested in more suggestions about personal development, growth and leadership; follow me at https://www.linkedin.com/in/level-up-... to see content on “level up literature” #lul
March 6, 2021
I read this book thanks to Blinkist.
The key message in these blinks:
The way people respond to being held accountable has a lot to do with how we approach them. The key is to acknowledge the wide range of factors that could have led to a broken promise or commitment so we avoid vilifying others. When we do this, we go into conversations with respect, curiosity, and a shared purpose. This sets the stage for identifying the reasons behind unmet expectations, finding solutions, and creating plans to prevent similar problems in the future.
Actionable advice:
Encourage people to keep you posted.
Sometimes, people let us down because an urgent request may come up, making it difficult to follow through on their commitment. And when we hear this, it can be difficult to continue with the accountability conversation. After all, we live in a world where priorities can change in an instant. But even in the face of emergencies and shifting priorities, it is still possible to maintain trust and accountability. Simply ask people to let you know as soon as circumstances change so you can pivot expectations as needed.
What to read next:
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson
As we’ve just learned, it can be very easy to slip into a heated argument if we don’t use the right approach or establish a safe climate before addressing an accountability problem. But if you’ve ever tried to bring up a sensitive topic or have a high-stakes conversation, you know that emotions can flare up, making things uncomfortable.
If you want to have more calm, productive conversations, whether they’re about accountability or a rocky relationship, check out the blinks to Crucial Conversations. These blinks provide simple techniques to prepare for high-stakes conversations and turn negative feelings into positive and useful dialogue.
The key message in these blinks:
The way people respond to being held accountable has a lot to do with how we approach them. The key is to acknowledge the wide range of factors that could have led to a broken promise or commitment so we avoid vilifying others. When we do this, we go into conversations with respect, curiosity, and a shared purpose. This sets the stage for identifying the reasons behind unmet expectations, finding solutions, and creating plans to prevent similar problems in the future.
Actionable advice:
Encourage people to keep you posted.
Sometimes, people let us down because an urgent request may come up, making it difficult to follow through on their commitment. And when we hear this, it can be difficult to continue with the accountability conversation. After all, we live in a world where priorities can change in an instant. But even in the face of emergencies and shifting priorities, it is still possible to maintain trust and accountability. Simply ask people to let you know as soon as circumstances change so you can pivot expectations as needed.
What to read next:
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson
As we’ve just learned, it can be very easy to slip into a heated argument if we don’t use the right approach or establish a safe climate before addressing an accountability problem. But if you’ve ever tried to bring up a sensitive topic or have a high-stakes conversation, you know that emotions can flare up, making things uncomfortable.
If you want to have more calm, productive conversations, whether they’re about accountability or a rocky relationship, check out the blinks to Crucial Conversations. These blinks provide simple techniques to prepare for high-stakes conversations and turn negative feelings into positive and useful dialogue.
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