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不穿紅裙的男孩

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尖端出版

200 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2021

10 people want to read

About the author

潘柏霖

9 books6 followers
多半出沒於PTT,目前活動中的帳號為urmygod / Genway 。 筆名呻吟,亦曾以「麋人」為名。

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52 reviews
June 2, 2022
HOLY mother of fucks. major content warnings (see synopsis below) but this blew my mind in the best way possible.

in a future world, a homophobic, transphobic, boy traumatized by his father's disappearance and his legacy of toxic masculinity—falls for his gay best friend and his new trans friend (or at least not in the conventional way). More like, in a highly repressed, self-loathing way (his possible asexuality and neurodivergence doesn't make things easier for him, and for his friends, either.)

this is a story about queerness, parenting, mental illness, the cognitive-affect disconnect that may explain many conservative points of view, drugs, and finally, allyship and love.

the title of the book explains itself in the most satisfying way, and one of the therapy scenes has one of the most unique narrative arcs.

原諒我死憋爛憋憋份閱評出嚟都要中英夾雜,但係悉逢pride month開始,要介紹一下一本好奇怪嘅書。

旁白者係既恐同恐跨,又帶住太多baggage 同有害陽鋼的男孩,你不需要喜歡他,甚至討厭他會比較容易。

他被卡在保守思想與進步思想之間:「我當然知道使用暴力是錯的我又不是白痴,我知道暴力是父權結構下被鼓勵的東西而我們習以為常因為我們從小就活在這種男人使用暴力是可以被允許的錯誤認知中,我知道小朱如果認為自己是女生並且想要服用荷爾蒙最後進行手術更換性別是她的自由,我也知道性別是社會和生理共同建構出的概念而有些人認為自己不屬於自己被給予的那個性別、認為自己不符合那個性別、認為自己是其他性別或者沒有性別都是正常現象。我當然知道這些,我知道那些想法是對的,是合理的,是正義的───但我他媽就是不「覺得」那些是對的。」

有是他誤打誤撞又會講到個point:「我覺得我的靈魂住進了錯的身體,但到底誰能證明靈魂在哪?怎樣的靈魂才適合怎樣的身體?那才是我在意的,那才是整件事情讓我想要尖叫不爽的。」

總之他到最後需要作出選擇。

「我知道性別甚至不只是表演性質的東西,那是一整球錯綜複雜的毛球你沒辦法回推回去說什麼是什麼,所以唯一合理的邏輯是,對方認為自己是什麼就讓對方是什麼。」

「他們都搞不清楚穩定的結構多麼重要,就像是房子如果地基不穩,建築再美都會癱瘓,他們只想要把房子蓋得漂亮好看,沒有考慮過地層下陷直接全部人都一起死光的可能性。他們都沒感受過那種地基在塌陷的感覺,如果他們跟我父親相處過的話他們就應該知道他們所擔心的事情都不是重點。」

Happy pride.

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