Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful

by Louise Bates Ames

What is it about four-year-olds that makes them so lovable? What problems do four-year-olds have?  What can they do now that they couldn't do at three? Drs. Ames and Ilg, recognized authorities on child behavior and development, discuss these and scores of other questions unique to four-year-old girls and boys, and they offer parents practical advice and enlightening psychological insights.Can Your Four-Year-Old make you a happier, less stressed, and more efficient parent? You bet! Find out • Embarrassing moments . . . how to deal with a four-year-old's fascination with bowel movements, belly buttons, body parts, and forbidden words—without turning red.• Words that will work a miracle . . . what to say to give your child and instant smile, raise self-esteem, and change behavior quicker than criticism.• Hyperactivity . . . how to determine if your “always on the go” four-year-old is truly hyperactive.• Kindergarten readiness . . . school too soon can cause lifelong problems, so note this warning for parents of “fall babies.”• Encouraging creativity . . . fifteen activities you can initiate to stimulate your child's natural talents and have a great time too!• Your child's body round and plump or bony and angular . . . does it predict behavior, temperament, and social success?. . . and more!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Childrens, Education

160 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1976

About the author

Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.

Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.

Reviews

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find it hard to believe that I liked this book as well as I did considering that I thought the 3 year old book total crap and full of bad parenting advice. But, in the year between 3 and 4, they've changed their spanking advice from base your spanking on the child's body type to spanking is not immoral but shouldn't be relied on as the primary discipline. They've also stopped with the 'your child will probably do better in day care or with a baby sitter as much as possible' advice. It also seemed to match up pretty well with what I've seen so far - 4's love vigorous physical activity (tricycles), exaggeration, adventure, understand a sense of time, and this is a top age for questions (why, why, why).
I also really liked the bit about that 4 year olds should not be expected to read, count past 10 (or even up to 10 if they don't show an interest), know their letters (unless there's an interest) or spell anything (again, based on interest. Theirs. Not the parents.)
I'm still not completely on board with the whole 1/2 year cycles of equilibrium/disequilibrium thing.
And then there's the disclaimer of "do not take too seriously what anybody (we included) tells you about how your child will or may behave." which makes reading this book probably a bit like reading a horoscope, any horoscope. Of course parts of it will be describing your child/you.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though some things are obviously dated, this series adequately provides parents with developmental expectations for their children at each age. I have found them reassuring and helpful for many years.

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could chose "read" and "currently reading" at the same time, because this is one of those books that I'll be reading all year. I can't really say re-reading since every time I open it, it will be new to me and exactly what I need. I knew I would love my kid, I didn't know I would fall in love with her at all her different ages. I'm crazy about the exuberance of FOUR! It's like she's living in capital letters! ALL! THE! TIME! This book is a gem because it decodes some things that maybe I used to know when I was four, and helps me understand her. The poop jokes, the huge highs and lows of her friends, the minute by minute excitement of WHAT'S NEXT!

[Rae · Rating 3 out of 5]

The parenting advice in this book is very dated, and I ignored it. But the info about your child’s development is very good and has been helpful to me in understanding my newly four year old.

[Krista Ehlers · Rating 4 out of 5]

My hygenist recommended this book, and I took her opinion very seriously since she is the only dental professional who ever successfully convinced me to floss…. and she also has four very lovely teen and adult children, so she must know what she’s talking about! I initially had the previous book in the series – Your Three-year-old, Friend or Enemy – but I couldn’t get into it. These books were written in the mid-1970′s and do not appear to have been updated. I found myself wondering if they were still applicable today and before I knew it, I had a four-year-old!

After reading page one of “Your Four-Year-Old,” I knew that these books apply just fine to today’s child – it was like they had a hidden camera in my home and wrote a book just for my four-year-old. Ames and Ilg described a child who loves to be silly, loves all things new, and doesn’t love to stop and settle down. They talked about the tendency to exaggerate and boast, and to experiment with “elimination swearing”. It’s unbelievable how many ways “doodoo” can logically fit into a Four-year-old conversation!

The authors follow a consistent pattern of chapters in these books including the typical abilities of this age group, how to throw a birthday party for a four-year-old, techniques for living with your four-year-old child, and more. I especially liked the “techniques” chapter. When overwhelmed by my son’s boasting and outrageous claims, I can just ignore them. That much I knew, but found myself getting riled up anyway, so I’ve been putting their alternate solution to good use: play along! Now, when he says he can run faster than the Blue Angels, I talk about how he can run up to one, climb on top, ride to the moon, and jump off onto the sun. Much more fun for all. They concluded that chapter with encouragement not to worry if your child swears, lies, and exaggerates: it’s normal, and besides there’s hope for age five!

This describes the tone of the book well – practical guidance, combined with credible reassurance. The final section, “Stories from Real Life”, was a question and answer section full of questions from real parents. While I was left wondering if certain philosophies may be dated, I could see that most of the advice was timeless common sense. I must make a note to get the Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene with enough time to plan the birthday party. :)

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Some interesting and insightful observations about four-year-olds (some of which were spookily accurate re: my son!). I wish there had been more concrete suggestions about how to deal with challenging behavior. This was published in the 70s, so a lot of it just isn't relevant anymore, though that stuff is entertaining to read--for example, they discuss television in a funny, sweetly naive way when viewed through today's realities. There's also an entire chapter very peculiarly devoted to insanely specific directions for a four-year-old birthday party (?), and, for example, advice about what to do when your child is embarrassed to have to keep wearing rubber pants at night so they don't wet the bed. And, very traditional gender roles abound in this whole series--everything is about Mother taking care of the child. But! The uncanny insights and explanations of child behavior make it worth reading--it's pretty quick too.

[Nicoal · Rating 3 out of 5]

A few bits of useful developmental information if you don't mind sifting through the sexism and outdated parenting advice.

[Alana · Rating 4 out of 5]

These books are great. Easy to read and great perspective about each age. It’s amazing how predictable behaviors are. It’s great to read about the ones we struggle with, how they’re normal and important developmentally. Good and easy techniques and reminder to just relax about it all.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dated (only mothers parent, and all 4-year-olds are little boys) but putting that aside, I found this book incredibly reassuring and normalizing. Would recommend for any parent wondering if they're going crazy or if this is just parenting small children.

[Liz De Coster]

Again, this series is so gender essentialist and overall the language is dated, but I find it also very approachable in terms of how certain behaviors or activities are described and contextualized.

[Tracey Mcd · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really liked the Three book because it did such a good job of explaining what they act that way. This book basically says Fours are more independent and need to be physically active. (Pretty sure that reveal doesn't count as a spoiler). Even if you can overlook the 35 year old references, there isn't enough insight into a Four's mindset to justify the cost of the book.

[Evie Rabeck · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very dated and not comprehensive enough. I think I'm still looking for the manual for my specific kid!

[Dion · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful, helpful and calming.

[Kurt · Rating 3 out of 5]

The helpfulness of any how-to book tends to track with its level of niche: A book about baking sourdough bread is more useful than a book about baking bread, which is more useful than a book about baking.

This is a book for parents with a four-year-old, which means that there was more useful stuff inside than most books about parenting in general. It's dated in spots, but the remedy was usually as easy as inserting "or dad" in a few hundred spots.

I appreciated the straightforward tone and zippy structure, which together made the book read like a pocket guidebook for travelers visiting a new country. It didn't need to tout its authority by citing study after study, it didn't try to unveil some novel insight into the human condition, it wasn't weighed down by anecdotes.

Here's what it did do:
-Place me in the perspective a 4.y.o. when he looks out into the world. This is a useful exercise. Also, it didn't need to be watertight explanation to be better than the tabula rasa I came in with.
-Remind me of my limits. It's easy to crave countermeasures to sidestep or shut down the big moods that pop up like summer squalls. In a similar but more benevolent vein, it's tempting to hijack moments by inserting additional parental objectives like sharpening new skills or Broadening Horizons. Good reminders about what those tendencies are: folly.
-Urge me to join. In essence, this is a recommendation to try conforming to my kid's worldview as much as I insist he bend to mine. Instead of pushing against the tides of irrationality and what seems like over exuberance sometimes, try riding the wave. The unseemly behaviors that have popped up -- excessive boasting, constantly play-acting violent scenes, negotiating every decision -- are normal and just the modes of being 4.

There were a few kooky parts, like the idea that there are three primary emotional archetypes, and that you can predict which one your child will grow to become based on body type. But advice in how-to books is generally a la carte, making it easy to just keep walking. There was enough to fill my plate elsewhere.

[Rachael Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always try to make time to do a quick review of these books because I think that they really have some value. This will be a short one.

This book was written in 1976. As such, please keep in mind that some things, like grammar and gender norms, are outdated. With that being said, I want to stress how valuable these have been to me as a parent.

This is the third book in this set that I have read and I have gotten the same feeling from each one: relief. I only have one child and what these books have given be is a validation of the things I am experiencing. I read the book on three-year-olds twice because I thought I was going mad and both times the book reminded me that all of the behaviors driving me nuts were normal and drive a lot of people crazy.

I got this same feeling again from this book, plus it pointed out some things that I hadn’t noticed. Since reading it we’ve had a couple of hard days at home but I’ve handled them much better.

So, if you just need some insight into your child and need to feel like you’re no the only one dealing with a four-year-old, I suggest this. Just please remember that some stuff is outdated and that parenting styles have changed drastically in the past 45 years.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

What I liked about this book was its focus on 4 year olds and their development as distinguished from 3.5 year olds and 5 year olds. Most parenting books group young children together and I appreciate the thoughtfulness in this book’s considerations. I’m impressed by the notes regarding the differences between 4 year olds and 4.5 year olds, and while there isn’t any one right development timeline, some of the details are interesting and amusing to consider (i.e. a fascination with bones and x-rays). I was interested to follow the observations that reflect on the various interests, activities, and skills that a 4 year old is learning and where they might struggle individually or in groups. There are some dated parts, but I would rather glean what I can that is helpful. I’m willing to read the rest of this series.

[nadhervina · Rating 4 out of 5]

The actual star is 4.5/5 ⭐️
Despite of this book has released in 1976 but so far it's still relatable. Some part don't though, obviously, but it's still a good resource. I know some people who had read this book is complaining about how this book suggests to hit the child when discipline the child. But after I read it, actually the writer seems only mention that you can hit but not really suggest it so I can still accept. Also people complain about how this book only using "he" in this book, only some chapters the writer includes girls too. Again, I don't really mind, because maybe this is quite common in 70s? Maybe this is just the way people write in the past? I don't know but I only want to learn and get the knowledge as general. The language is really easy to understand, the writer has excellent skill in explaining imo. I enjoy it!

[Tia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book delves into the minds of four-year-olds. Had I not read the book, I may be worried that my kid has gone off the deep end. This book reassures you that extreme display of emotions, tendency to cling to mom reminiscent of a one-year-old, constant self-comparisions, and boundary-testing, are all characteristic for the age of 4s. The four year olds will want to test and understand everything - gone are the days when they'd just nod when I said "Don't spill the syrup, it'll make the floor sticky"? Now, they want to put my statement to the test.

The book offers techniques, such as cultivating special one-on-one moments with your child and establishing firm but loving boundaries, like: "Syrup stays in the cup, buddy." Compared to the previous book in this series, "Your Three-Year-Old, Friends or Enemies," this book was a more enjoyable read.

[Matt Swanson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Child development is fascinating, and this older book does a good job showing trends at this age while emphasizing that every child is different. I read this book because I realized I had not read a book on parenting since the initial blitz of reading preparing for an infant. After reading this book,I feel more appreciative of my own child's current behavior.I will try to reach for this book in those inevitable moments when I am a little burned out from parenting to regain some perspective on this dynamic little kid.

[Clio · Rating 3 out of 5]

Useful to note how out-of-bounds behavior is totally normal at this age and how your four-year-old is really looking to you to set specific boundaries that are easy for them to see and understand (e.g. I no longer have as much trouble with mine running away multiple blocks because she is allowed to go anywhere between two basketball hoops as long as she watches for cars.)

There’s also some weird stuff in here like behavior being related to body type. The abilities described for a four year old seem really basic.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A decent overview of the developmental milestones and markers of typical four year olds, and some unexpectedly progressive ideas about discipline, play, and not putting academic pressure on kids, but having been published in 1976, there are glaring differences from today's ideas with regards to gender. In addition, one whole chapter focused on three different personalities based on body type (and poor editing allowed some mixing up of the names). Overall, not terrible, but could easily be summed up in an article.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite being ridiculously old, the observations of typical 4-year-old behavior give parents reassurance that their crazy child will more than likely calm down next year when they are five.

I will say again that I really wish the Gesell Institute would update these because the parts that haven't aged are wonderful.

[Tin Mayer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just like the previous book from the series (Your Three Year Old), this book cleverly guides the parents into the world of the Four-year-old. It is a fascinating journey for the little fellow and any parent will feel better of they know what’s going on.

I would recommend it to any parent, because the book is small enough to read in a week, no matter how busy you are. But it will give you a ton of information to consider.

What I took from the book were a lot of ideas for new games better tuned to my kid. And the general notion of “things are getting in the right direction”.

[Morgan (youarethelibrarian) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This handy little book, great for parents or teachers, was also dated. Tv was a new thing that was apparently much debated about - whether it was good for children to watch or not. But it did give a good overview of what this age is like developmentally, and gave some practical advice for different situations. The endomorph-ectomorph-one other name I can’t remember- section was weird, though.

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little outdated and quite sexist. Children do not naturally conform to stereotypical gender roles. Downplays any possibility of significant medical or psychological issues, as certain behaviors are considered "normal". And there was a whole chapter about how body shape determines personality (it doesn't actually)

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

2/5. Physical book. I’m not one to read parenting books, but when I do, I prefer some outdated material. Surprisingly, a lot of the advice was still practical. Not the best read, but that’s solely because it is so dated. I loved her description of 4 year olds. They are exuberant and wild with so many questions. The world of imagination is in full force for them.

[Dixie · Rating 4 out of 5]

As usual with this series, there were some very good insights and suggestions for this age group, as well as some startling mentions of behaviors that seem too individualistic to be age related (but aren't!). This wasn't quite as helpful as the 3- and 2-year-old volumes, imo. It was a little more outdated; these books were written in the mid 1970s. But still well worth reading for parents of 4s.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only 4 stars and not 5 because the book is over 40 years old and could obviously benefit from an update in terms of studies and the way kids live today. The essential nature of Fours hasn’t changed though and that’s where this book shines.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I personally found this book more outdated and less helpful than some of the others in the series. Most useful overall idea is that 4 year olds tend to be energetic, enthusiastic, over-the-top, and kind of obsessed with the dramatic and even gruesome.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mean given the fact that the book is almost as old as I am it’s pretty good at hitting the developmental stages. It describes my four year olds to a T. It doesn’t give a ton of advice, just reassurance, because 4 year olds are crazy but apparently this is normal!