Confidence: How Much You Really Need and How to Get It

by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic

World-renowned personality expert reveals the truth about something we all want more of—confidence

Millions of people are plagued by low self-confidence. But in Confidence, personality expert Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic shows us that high confidence makes us less likeable, less employable, and less successful in the long run. He reveals the benefits of low confidence (including being more motivated and self-aware), teaches us how to know when to fake it, get ahead at work, improve our social skills, feel better emotionally and physically, and much more.

With this engaging, practical study of our minds and emotions, we can become more capable in every facet of life. Based on decades of research, including the author’s own groundbreaking work, and filled with fascinating anecdotal evidence, this will appeal to readers of The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal and Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson. Confidence will shatter every myth you’ve ever believed about self-confidence and its effects on us—ranging from the very personal to the global level.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Personal Development, Personal Growth, Buisness

273 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 17, 2013

About the author

Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic is an international authority in psychological profiling, talent management, and people analytics. He is the CEO of Hogan Assessment Systems, Professor of Business Psychology at University College London (UCL), and visiting Professor at Columbia University. He has previously taught at New York University and the London School of Economics.

He has published 8 books and over 120 scientific papers (h index 41), making him one of the most prolific social scientists of his generation. His work has received awards by the American Psychological Association and the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences.

He is also the director of UCL's Industrial-Organisational and Business Psychology programme, and an Associate with Harvard's Entrepreneurial Finance Lab.

Over the past 15 years, he has consulted to a range of clients in financial services (JP Morgan, HSBC, Prudential), advertising (Havas, Fallon, BBH), media (Yahoo!, MTV, Endemol), consumer goods (Unilever, Reckitt Benckiser), fashion (LVMH, Net-a-Porter), and government (British Army, Royal Mail, National Health Service).

His media career comprises over 70 TV appearances, including the BBC, CNN, and Sky, and regular features in Harvard Business Review, the Guardian, Fast Company, Forbes, and the Huffington Post. He is a keynote speaker for the Institute of Economic Affairs and the co-founder of metaprofiling.com, a digital start-up that enables organisations to identify individuals with entrepreneurial talent. He lives in New York.

Reviews

[Carolyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn’t finish the audio book, I think 90% of the book was the repetition of the words confidence and competence, and I became tired of it, I got more than halfway through before giving up on this book.

[M. Langlinais · Rating 3 out of 5]

While much of what the author says makes sense in a common-sense kind of way, this book actually only fueled my low confidence and made me feel worse instead of prompting me to its call of action. (Full review on my site: http://spooklights.blogspot.com/2013/... )

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well for one thing this is not about gaining confidence.
It basically says you will gain confidence if....you're just better at stuff. Duh. It also posits that anxiety and depression are good for you-statements that are extremely detrimental to those with legitimate mental illness

[LemontreeLime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Totally not what i was expecting at all. Secretly i'm fascinated at the whole self help motivational movement in all it's flavors and varieties these days, i tend to read them all willy nilly with no hope or goal to improve myself as I have always found such thinking to be counterproductive. I'll even read all the new age 'think it true' books, and feel rather like a Scrooge at the end of each one when i secretly surmise 'wow, that must be nice... aw, hogwash! load of blarney!' I had no idea what direction this one would take but assumed it would be educational. WOW. Mr Camorro-Premuzic is a rip-the-band-aid-off kind of guy. He flat out calls spades spades, and unabashedly backs it up with research. In his eyes, insecure behavior keeps you alive, and self-doubt makes you a better person, and high confidence can actually make you delusional and encourage bad behavior and health risks. It's so nice to finally have someone back up those secret suspicions you've always had that affirmations generally don't work, so you don't end up constantly assuming you must be doing it wrong, or are simply too flawed to fit in. Be warned, as all the other reviews of this book vacillate wildly between calling it great or awful, this one will challenge your thinking and definitely get a reaction out of you.

[Victoria Meade · Rating 1 out of 5]

SO AWFUL!!!! I approached this book with an open mind, as I do every self help or spiritually related book. I made it through the first chapter, where Tomas outlines some academic/empirical analysis for how confidence and competence are different, and why too much confidence can be a bad thing. I was willing to accept the relationship between confidence and competence that he was proposing. I ignored some gender based derogatory remarks, and a few assumptions and cliches I thought were inappropriate.

Then halfway through chapter 2, he directly contradicts himself. Worse still, he literally encourages readers not to be themselves around others. Essentially saying ‘people don’t like that.’ He makes the argument he is trying to defeat: confidence is key. He also reiterates old adages about hard work that are irritating.

Worst of ALL, his analysis on the viewpoint of someone with anxiety is painfully inaccurate and damaging to someone who suffers from it. He clearly hasn’t ever suffered from anxiety himself, since he so blatantly misunderstands the symptoms.

In short: the man is over-confident himself, has no idea what he’s talking about, and just finds any sort of number to stick to whatever argument he feels like making in the moment. He admits it himself, on giving a speech about shoe psychology (which he admittedly knew nothing about)

Do yourself a favor and SKIP THIS ONE!!!!

[Cassandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skimmed this book because the author has one point that he repeats: measuring and focusing on competence instead of confidence is paramount to success in life. He repeatedly asserts that low-confidence is preferable to over-confidence because it leads to higher competence. He goes as far to say that depression is a benefit. He never, as far as I heard, accounted for self-defeating behaviors and inability to act. There is certainly a middle ground here that the author avoids by reasserting his single point. It seems that he is a person who has too much confidence and had to tone it down. The book is primarily written to convince people to stop lauding confidence and convince over-confident people to seek more constructive feedback. Otherwise, for low-confidence people he says accept the low-confidence, implying that it's warranted and people looking to improve confidence are avoiding work to improve competence.

Sounds like a person who has never experienced an inability to accurately assess their own competence or experienced the impacts of excessive or misdirected improvement. You can read the intro and then move on. Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You is a better book with a more helpful similar message about passion and competence.

[Sorayda Maldonado · Rating 1 out of 5]

I do not recommend this book if you have anxiety, depression, or trauma and are seeking answers on how to better yourself or improve your way of thinking through gaining confidence. This is definitely a book written for already confident people, to teach them how to manage or redirect this confidence in a positive way. The whole argument at the beginning about being confident and competent and then later all the chapters do not clearly give you an understanding of the type of confidence people that go through mental hardships really need. It's a clinical tone, just throwing random scientific experiments to prove the author's theories on how confidence is not what you are searching for but being competent, meaning being talented or a hard worker, which is fine if you already have the will to be one. It really isn't helpful for people with low self-esteem, although it tries to tell you it is best if you are insecure because it means you will work on those insecurities. The problem is there are no real answers as to how to work on them, he just says you should work hard even if you don't believe in yourself, you should lie to the world and to yourself. Honestly not recommended.

[Celia Juliano]

I listened to the audiobook, which is probably the only reason I made it through the whole book (kudos to the excellent narrator!). As another reviewer said, this book is full of logical fallacies, or perhaps just simplistic thinking. I'd give this maybe 3 stars at most, because I did find the book thought-provoking, and I like the idea of building competence rather than confidence. However, most of the author's points were belied by other information presented. For instance, he states that what others' think matters most, but then goes on to give numerous points that everyone is faulty in assessing competence and other markers of confidence/competence. Also, he seems to ignore that for some, depression and low confidence aren't motivating, but can be paralyzing, and that some are prone to negative self-delusions, not just positive self-delusions (or both!). Overall, I say give this book a pass. The only useful point for me was the differentiation between competence and confidence.

[Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confidence vs Competence. The thesis of the book. The whole thing is a comparison between the two, leaning towards competence being the more necessary trait we should be trying to attain - ‘we’ being the book’s audience who is probably not confident but thinks it’s a good thing to have.

Ironically, the book is saying that most of the readers are probably competent and not confident, so the author spends the book trying to convince us that we are all alright and should continue to do what we are doing. So it’s essentially not saying much.

Most people will probably not take away much in the way of motivation and inspiration, but I found it to be so refreshing to see amidst the vast self-help same stuff writing. Some realism for yall.

[Eddie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not your typical "self-help" book. Definitely doesn't sugar coat anything nor does he tell, what I assume to be most people, who may read this book what they probably want to actually hear, either. I found a lot of his studies and reasonings very relatable in how I've gone about my life and overcoming certain struggles and challenges. I never had the highest self-esteem, but it was my low self-esteem that gave me the motivation to seek competence in many areas of my life that I struggled with and still struggle with to gain more competence, which then led me to gain more confidence, and has kept me humble along the way as well. Throughly enjoyed this book.

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

conclusion: strive for competence - not confidence. I tend to agree, as long as the lack of confidence doesn't hinder you from even attempting to start gaining competence.

[Hind · Rating 5 out of 5]

أول مرة أقرأ عن موضوع الثقة بالنفس بالمنظور الذي طرحه الكاتب . كتاب رائع أنصح بقراءته

[♡ amina ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely think this book could have been condensed. The main take was that the best way to improve confidence is to improve your competence

[Федор Кривов · Rating 4 out of 5]

Да-да, успешная лакировка действительности – главная причина того, что так много людей чувствуют себя уверенно, хотя и не должны. Пессимизм ведет к реализму, оптимизм помогает фабриковать альтернативную реальность – обманывать, причем не других, а себя.
Уверенность – это считать, что ты можешь, компетентность – действительно мочь, но как они связаны? Главное, что я хочу донести, – надо стремиться не к высокой уверенности, а к высокой компетентности.
Единственный показатель, сопоставимый с нарциссизмом по росту за аналогичный период, – ожирение, уровень которого с 1950 по 2010 гг. увеличился более чем на 200%.
Есть области, где иллюзия превосходства выражена особенно сильно. Например, 90 % людей считают, что как водители они «выше среднего», 90 % старшеклассников думают, что их социальные навыки «выше среднего», и почти 100 % университетских профессоров оценивают свои преподавательские навыки также «выше среднего».
Так что правда часто бывает болезненной, но менее болезненной, чем игнорирование правды.
Как подчеркивает Роберт Триверс в блестящей книге «Обмани себя», самые изощренные и деструктивные лжецы – те, которые даже не осознают, что они лгут.
В отличие от «общества хорошего настроения», стоицизм предписывает стремиться не к удовольствиям, но к истине. «Никто на свете не заслуживает такого уважения, как человек, умеющий мужественно переносить несчастья».
Итак, если вы подавлены или чувствуете нехватку уверенности, – не отчаивайтесь. Вы в хорошей исходной позиции, чтобы начать самосовершенствоваться, возможно, даже в единственной , которое это позволяет. Нужно запомнить только одну вещь: ваше самосовершенствование никак не зависит от повышения уверенности , только от повышения компетентности. В сущности, принятие невзгод с куда большей вероятностью приведет к самосовершенствованию, чем их отрицание. Как говорили стоики, боль, слезы и разбитое сердце делают нас сильнее.
Достижение можно разбить на две части: подготовка и действие. Когда вы действуете, уверенность – преимущество, поскольку она повышает вашу компетентность в глазах окружающих и отвлекает вас от внутренних сомнений. И наоборот, когда вы действуете «в режиме низкой уверенности», внутренние сомнения вас отвлекают, не дают сосредоточиться на задаче и сигнализируют окружающим, что вам не хватает компетентности. Как бы то ни было, действие – только малая часть уравнения, всего лишь 10 % времени и усилий, требуемых для того, чтобы чего-то достигнуть. Оставшиеся 90 % состоят из подготовки, и чем менее вы уверены в своем действии, тем больше стимул подготовиться как следует.
Например, если вы убеждаете курильщиков, что они в состоянии бросить курить, уверенность сама по себе никуда не приведет, но если курильщики смогли для начала сократить число выкуриваемых сигарет, они испытают правомерное чувство уверенности, которое реализуется в последующем росте компетентности.
Слишком уверенные игнорируют тот факт, что окружающие не считают их компетентными, недостаточно уверенные игнорируют тот факт, что их считают компетентными.
Попробуйте анализировать письменные сообщения (письма, СМС и т. д.), и вы с легкостью опознаете эгоцентричных и самовлюбленных индивидов. Просто подсчитайте, сколько раз люди используют местоимения «я» или «мне», общаясь с кем-то (это стандартная исследовательская методика выявления нарциссизма).
Мнение других о наших лидерском и творческом потенциале, навыках самоорганизации и трудовой дисциплине позволяет предсказать, как мы в будущем проявим себя на работе, гораздо точнее, чем наша собственная оценка этих качеств, а то, как другие оценивают нашу самодисциплину, выдержку и навыки социального общения, позволяет гораздо точнее предсказать наши будущие успехи в учебе, чем наша собственная оценка этих качеств.
Как и в исследовании Коннелли и Ванс, репутация как прогностический фактор компетентности учеников (их успеваемости в школе) оказалась надежнее их самооценок. Когда всех детей сравнили согласно их самооценкам (например, всех учеников, кто одинаково оценивал свой ум или старательность), их репутация попрежнему объясняла существенную разницу в их компетентности. Когда же детей сравнивали по репутации (все ученики, которых одноклассники считали одинаково умными, старательными и т. д.), характер не соотносился с реальной компетентностью школьника. Из нашего исследования можно сделать два вывода: во-первых, если другие не разделяют вашего мнения о себе, мнение это, вероятно, ошибочное; во-вторых, вы можете не соглашаться с тем, что о вас думают другие, но, вероятно, они правы.
Роберт Розенталь и Ленора Якобсон в свое время провели эксперимент, который вошел во все учебники психологии. В начале учебного года они провели в начальных классах тест на IQ и сообщили результаты учителям, однако результаты были взяты с потолка. Учителя стали относиться к детям в соответствии с полученной информацией: к тем, кто якобы показал прекрасные результаты, как к одаренным ученикам, к тем же, кто по результатам теста якобы не блистал интеллектом, – как к глупеньким. Со временем ложное представление учителей о компетентности учеников трансформировалось в реальный рост успеваемости (в случае с «умными») или в снижение (в случае с «тупыми»)  – эффект, известный как самоисполняющееся пророчество. Д-ра Розенталь и Якобсон назвали его «эффектом Пигмалиона», в честь древнегреческого скульптора Пигмалиона, создавшего, согласно легенде, статую прекрасной женщины, которая ожила и стала его возлюбленной.
Обращайте внимание на то, как вы себя ведете, особенно на то, какие выводы могут сделать из этого окружающие, и вы получите очень хорошее представление о себе. Если не озаботиться этим, все кончится очень оригинальным мнением – мнением, которое никто с вами не разделит.
На протяжении всей своей карьеры я занимался коучингом с топ-менеджерами, у которых были проблемы в общении с коллегами, боссами или подчиненными. Решить свои проблемы смогли только те – не было ни единого исключения! – кто понял, насколько важно учитывать, как их воспринимают окружающие.
Люди эволюционировали, испытывая потребность в тесных связях с другими, – он называет это «состоянием принадлежности» (к сообществу) – и наша самооценка с точки зрения эволюции развивалась по двум основным причинам: чтобы предупреждать о поведении, разрушающем социальные связи, и чтобы запускать поведение, содействующее тесным социальным связям.
Если вы компетентны, изображайте скромность. Если нет, изображайте компетентность. А если не умеете изображать компетентность, попробуйте изобразить уверенность.
Топ-перформеры демонстрируют компетентность и не любят ей хвастаться.
Если вы хотите добиться успеха в карьере, вы должны тяжело и упорно трудиться, независимо от того, насколько вы талантливы и насколько уверенны.
Третья ключевая черта топ-перформеров – они обычно внушают симпатию.
Демонстрируя высокую компетентность другим, вы повышаете успешность вашей карьеры, а демонстрируя высокую компетентность самому себе, вы повышаете свою уверенность в карьере.
Не говорите людям, что они неправы, особенно когда они неправы.
Любить, помимо всего прочего, – это найти кого-то, кто может помочь нам сократить ощущаемый разрыв между тем, кто мы есть, и тем, кем мы хотим быть. Подходящий партнер поможет вам стать личностью, которой вы стремитесь быть, раскрыв и выпустив на свободу ваши лучшие качества.
Прячьте свою неуверенность, подчеркивайте свое УТП, наблюдайте за другими, флиртуйте – и ваше общение будет еще успешнее.
Компетентность в области здоровья сходна с компетентностью в любой другой сфере: а) люди плохо разбираются в вопросах здоровья; б) чем более уверены в себе люди, тем сильнее они заблуждаются относительно своего состояния здоровья; в) менее уверенные в себе люди более реалистичны и склонны заботиться о своем здоровье.
Многие психологи рассматривают здоровье как своего рода тест на «рациональность», и не без оснований. Чтобы быть здоровым, приходится решать определенные задачи, делать определенную работу и не совершать определенных действий.

[Peter Geyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't the kind of book title that attracts me to be honest, but the author was well-known to me via journal articles and I ultimately bought it for professional reasons and an agreeable price.

The book presents a particular theme throughout, which is that wanting confidence is a better position than being confident in that confidence isn't the same thing as competence. Confident people can underprepare, annoy people and so on whereas if you're not particularly confident then you'll see the need to prepare and learn. Chamorro-Premuzic presents research data and some wry personal observations to back up his proposition, in the process identifying narcissism – a by-product of too much confidence – as a particular problem for American culture.

There are suggestions for how to improve yourself in the context of career, relationships, reputation, social skills and health, and a presumption is that observers might know more about you than you do. His examples are generalised, as you might expect, but are well-presented.

The section on health is interesting in that I wouldn't rate it in the same way as the other categories. This is because I'm not convinced that it's something that people think about in the same way as other aspects of their life and that other factors can be more important for living life

The author confidently works his way through many research studies, gaining kudos (from me, at any rate) by freely stating that many studies are with undergraduate samples which aren't really representative of adults, or the general population oif it comes to that. But his references are robust and you can make of the date=a what you will.

An aim is to help you adjust to the society that is, which I think is problematic in that the current society may not be experiencing normal conditions, something observed by C.G. Jung, who the author praises.

Having said all that, this book is excellently written in clear and accurate prose, with honesty and wit. I might look for his otherbooks, given this is the first one I've seen.

[Brooklynlamb · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the words sung by Diana Ross and written by Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards
"Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round."
Guys, this book was really interesting. I would dismiss the bad reviews - seems like those people just didn't get it. I've read more than my fair share of self-help books and this one was twisted in a compelling way. It was a pretty captivating depiction of our narcissistic society. A lot of cautionary tales that will have you wondering- am I like that?

[Brian Kurzhal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuine confidence correlates to actual competence. False confidence can reveal incompetence to the perceptive eye. Inflated confidence tends to short-circuit self-improvement efforts. Failure and insecurity are often the necessary motivators behind diligent efforts to improve, practice, study, and achieve eventual expertise, and success. Lasting success is derived from humility and continuous improvement.

[أحمد عبدان · Rating 5 out of 5]

يقول المؤلف أن عدم الثقة بالنفس أقل خطرًا من التوهم بالنفس والغرور، ويذكر أصناف البشر مع الثقة بالنفس، بين واهم بنفسه و شخص يملك قدرات بدون ثقة، وشخص يملك ثقة بدون قدرات، وشخص يملك الثقة والقدرات، ويعطي لكل نوع منهم نصحية، إلا للأول فهو ينصح الآخرين بالطريقة الصحيحة للتعامل معه، فبحسب المؤلف (وأنا أتفق) أنه لن يسمع نصيحته :))
كتاب مهم جداً وأنصح فيه بشده

[Jessica Nova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Confidence.

The main hurdle in this book is that you have to prepare your ears to hear the words “confidence” and “competence” about 50,000 times. If you can get past this, it’s great!
The overall point is that if you want to feel better about yourself in a certain area, instead of focusing on faking it 'til you make it, or essentially trying to artificially boost your confidence based on nothing substantive, instead focus on trying to increase your competence in that area. As your skill or ability improves, an authentic and sustainsble surge in confidence will follow. It also advises to view a reasonable amount of low confidence or self-criticism as a friend, because it enables you to look at yourself realistically and motivates you to take steps toward real improvement, whereas undue high-confidence is proven to be a hinderance for people, despite the fact that it might feel good in the moment.

There were one or two statements about how you see yourself vs. how others see you that I didn’t like or agree with. But overall, this book had been so helpful to me as I think of areas where I step out of my confort zone, such as speaking a new language, learning how to dance in public, and in other areas of my interpersonal relationships. I love hearing advice and teaching about how to shift your framing and thinking about things (rather than just surface level actions like “hold your head high when you walk into a room” which might have a small effect on my self-presentation but does nothing to change how I actually think about myself), and this book does just that!

[Gerard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like what everyone is saying, the books repeats itself a lot. But I have a theory on why this was the case(the obvious case is the author just have nothing else to say, but let's pretend for a bit shall we?)

I think the whole book is intended for readers to feel good when they're reading it, especially the ones with low self-esteem like me. There's no doubt in my mind I felt much more confident and empowered after reading the book, and this isn't a 'how-to' book either. Yes the author mentioned you have to increase your competency and not your confidence but that's pretty much it. So, without basing this off anything as I didn't read anything about the author, I think he had always intended to have the book as a confidence booster which is kind of funny considering how much he preaches about competency > confidence.

In short, regardless of what the author had truly intended to do, it had a positive effect on me and I think that made it worth reading.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ooooh this book. Apart from being the opposite to “here’s how to build confidence” book I thought it was going to be, it had me so undecided as to how I feel about it. Having a background in psychology, I chose this book as it was on a topic often found to be problematic in therapy. At some parts of the book I though “this makes sense” at others, “wait! He said what?!” The 4 star rating is not largely dependent on the advice given in the book rather the questions it provoked from a psychological angle. There are some points made that seem well researched and others that needed more explanation or a different wording such as likening self-esteem with narcissistic personality traits. It was also a one sided argument to a complex topic and would have preferred a more argumentative approach rather than prescriptive.

[Gopika Kesavaraj · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author presents some compelling arguments for not being blindly confident about one's competence. The division of chapters was appropriate - separate sections devoted to speaking about Confidence in Social situations to Health.

I Feel that while the author has gone to lengths to state what is not Confidence and busting the myths about High Confidence, I wish he had spoken a little on how to accomplish increasing competence - the aspect he devotes the entire book.

For example the author says being kind and empathetic is a preferable trait compared to being arrogant and confident. Wish he could provide ways to accomplish it. Maybe he has written another book about increasing competence that I am not aware of.

Otherwise this was a good book. Made me think about every sentence. It sounded more like a research paper than a book. But an absolutely perfect research paper.

[Cecily Black · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is tough for me to review because I have really mixed feelings about it. First of all it was not what I thought it was going to be at all. This book is not going to teach you the fake it till you make it confidence I thought it might but really preaches that competence is most important and that your "lack" of confidence is probably helping you more than you think. I just got a really downer feel from it and it wasn't what I wanted to help boost me up in this current position the world is in. I think there is definitely a place for this book and what it teaches but not under the guise the title and cover suggest.
Okay read!

[Крістіна Золотарьова · Rating 2 out of 5]

ну такое. автор говорит, что избыточная самоуверенность - плохо (кэп), а неуверенность - это ок, потому что подталкивает становиться лучше. в целом то да, но автор много обобщает, кидается в крайности, не учитывает людей с депрессивными расстройствами, для которых такая схема просто не сработает. а еще советует врать, подлизываться, скрывать неуверенность (при этом скромность - класс) и говорит, что самое важное - это то, что о вас думают люди (т.к. в самооценке мы часто ошибаемся, а окружающим виднее). и при этом сам он кажется чрезмерно уверенным в себе. крч, мимо.

[Ruth Stitt · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a person with seemingly abnormally low self confidence that perpetuates other issues, I found this book available now on libby and listened to it. (I guess that there was no wait should have been my first clue….). I got maybe 4-5 one line helpful tidbits from this book. The rest was a waste of 7 hours or so of my life. I wish I had $1 for every time he said the words “confidence” and “competence”… basically to sum up the book.. high confidence is bad and there is no way to really be more self confident.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook to get familiar with the author in anticipation of hearing him speak at the Global Leadership Summit. I don't think that I would've been able to finish the book had a actually read it. I got lost in all of the data and hearing confidence vs competence over and over. I get the over all theory, however I am not a fan of the book. I am looking forward to hear him speak though, hopefully it will be more enlightening.

[Sumaiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abandonment for me is a huge topic. Abandonment can be anything from your parents leaving you or me also experiencing abandonment when your family structure also changes. So maybe dad will leave or mom will leave or there's a separation temporary, but just that change in what you're familiar with can be experienced as abandonment because your sense of belonging and your identity shifts a little bit. More information: https://youtu.be/4c4RZ1BZ9Lc

[Senopati · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best book I read this year. In the world where everyone overglorifying self confidence and majorities of people feeling thirsty of self confidence for sake of feeling good, this writer told us to embrace our low self confidence and insecurity.
Because having low confidence is a sign that we are aware of our lack of competence thus the best way to overcome low confidence is to increase our competence. When our competence is rising so does our confidence.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

If the thesis of this book is correct (which I believe it is) then you can take every new age- crap -affirmation based- positive thinking- book in your library, and go out into the back yard and burn them. This is one of the few books that states the truth; and in doing so has powerful ramifications for our modern culture where everyone gets a trophy.

[Diana]

Premise is intriguing, but some extremely problematic argumentation, especially around the flippant treatment of serious mental illness as personality type. Because yes, anxious and depressive are personality types, but nothing whatsoever about the similarly named illnesses fits his claims that these are beneficial.