Found: A Story of Questions, Grace, and Everyday Prayer

by Micha Boyett, Ann Voskamp (Foreword)

"My first year of motherhood I lost prayer..." I lost early mornings of quiet, mornings in my pajamas with a Bible in my lap, mornings when I spoke my mind’s chaos into God’s ear and let the chaos come back ordered, holy sealed. I lost peace. I lost clarity and certitude. My faith was never perfect before my son was born, but somewhere in that first year, somewhere in my distraction and exhaustion, I lost the Spirit-life I had known. I blamed myself.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Faith, Christian, Spirituality, Religion, Christianity

240 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2014

About the author

Micha Boyett is a blogger, wife, and mom with a Masters of Fine Arts in Poetry degree from Syracuse University. A former youth minister, she's passionate about monasticism and ancient Christian spiritual practices and how they inform the contemporary life of faith. Boyett and her husband live in San Francisco with their two boys.

Reviews

[Katelyn Beaty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Micha Boyett writes vividly and authentically about the challenge of seeking God amid the daily struggles and 'small' travails of home life raising children. Her attraction to Benedictine spirituality, with its ordered approach to daily life, will resonate with many evangelicals who can't muster the right feelings in prayer or Bible study. I especially resonated with her slow shift from a spirituality of striving to a spirituality of receiving God's presence, already there. I found the last third of the book a bit rushed to finale and some loose ends about the Benedictine practices left untied. Still, this is another solid and memorable addition to the "post-evangelical but still really love Jesus" genre of Christian nonfiction and memoirs.

[Katherine Pershey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written and full of wisdom. I particularly loved the gentle yet honest way she addressed her childhood church experiences. I recognized my parts own story in Micha's, but was also left yearning to yearn for God as much as she does. Enough so that the day after I finished reading, I set up a first appointment with a spiritual director.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

How do I start with reviewing this book? I found so many gems within and I think it would just be easier to quote from the book and leave it at that. Sometimes I find reviewing is so difficult after I finish a book because I have to recall my thoughts and feelings and at the end, I usually am past the initial feelings. I am always searching for a deeper spiritual life and strengthening my faith and hoping for more understanding of the Bible. This is just one sampling of that search.

A few points really resonated within me such as the simple act of being peaceful and allowing God to love us where we are, in our daily lives and simple activities. I have a tendency to equate my sense of value from my "doing" and this was a theme throughout the book. The author is an at-home mom who found being pulled away from a previous work in ministry to be emotionally and spiritually daunting. She pursued a "getting back to prayer" in her life and she explores this quite extensively and draws upon several sources.

I especially liked this quote:

Maybe belief is patience. Maybe it's letting God untangle every small knot. Maybe freedom comes gently.

I am not so sure that a man would appreciate this book but I know that it does hit a common cord with women, particularly those who mothers with young children.

[Alyssa Yoder · Rating 5 out of 5]

How did Micha crawl into my mind and my heart and put it down on paper for me? So many of our struggles are similar. I needed this book. I needed the reassurance of another young mom wrestling with some of the same questions I do, and then, though she doesn't have all the answers, expressing a level of wisdom I have yet to reach. But if this book taught me anything, it's that it's okay that I'm not there yet. God meets and loves me on the journey. I came away loving my quiet but hallowed life more. Desiring to know God more deeply. Desiring to pray, to read the Word. Desiring to rush toward love, in even the smallest and humblest of ways.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful. I just wish I'd read it eight years ago in my own season of feeling lost as a new mother. Micha Boyett's language is poetic and vivid, free of cliches. She shares her story with vulnerability and honesty. "Me too" was the cry of my heart as I read about her struggles, her questions, and her conclusions.

Here is a handful of the many gems I found within its pages:

"Only those who acknowledge their own weakness can extend mercy to the weak world around them. Maybe the people closest to whole are those most aware of how fractured they actually are."

"The spiritual life is never just a forward climb. It is more of a plunging breathlessly under the waters and being rescued again and again."

"Grace and holiness are both the first page and the last page of the story. We are always being found by God. And if we pay attention, we recognize God's good gifts. We gather them, look closely at them, and lift them to the golden sky."

Savor Micha Boyett's words, read them slowly, and enjoy.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm waffling back and forth on how I feel about this book. In one sense it was lovely and very real. On the other hand, because of how important Boyett's role as a mother was to everything she was experiencing emotionally and spiritually, I couldn't really relate. I also felt her use of very normal, day-to-day dialogue throughout the book was kind of awkward and felt clunky in the midst of otherwise smooth writing. The book was very meandering, which I suppose is largely reflective of real life rhythms. I enjoyed the book but probably wouldn't recommend it except perhaps to a tired, overwhelmed young mom who might really resonate with Boyett's experience.

[KRISTIN · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prayer- Do I do it enough? The right way? Is it quiet or crazy? I can relate to the guilt she feels . Just a mom living in USA with luxuries while others are suffering. But we are engulfed in God’s love and His story. Micha Boyett shares in her search for prayer that there is not a certain way, method, program. Prayer is not an act I perform, words I recite, a behavior I strive to maintain. It is a returning . P226.

[Elora Ramirez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book slowed me down in the best way. I breathed easier with Boyett's poetic way of phrasing even the smallest of detail. And I found myself in her story—different situations and plot—but so similar in the search for grace in the every day. I loved this book. Definitely recommended.

[Dianna (SavingsInSeconds blog) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Micha feels things very keenly; in her words, I felt that recycling jugs in the blue bin was almost a harmonious event. This is a good thing in some ways -- her description of motherhood exhaustion was so spot-on that I remembered my own breastfeeding misery of days gone by. Still, every moment was filled with this type of over-the-top serenity or anxiety; it made me a little anxious myself. This book is more like a journal of one woman's way of finding herself. Hence the title Found, I suppose. I worried a little about the author because it seemed that she had so many wonderful blessings and still felt a heavy conviction that she wasn't doing enough. Once she heard God's voice telling her to release, the verbal anxiety seemed to ebb. Although I'm probably not going to seek out a monastery or even some tradition of eating organic farm cheese for Easter, I did find a sense of humility and peace after reading Found. I received this book to review; the opinions shared here are 100% mine.

[Heidi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mom to mom, I get it. However the book dragged on and repeated itself in many ways. I got her point though of using liturgy and applying it in moments of life. Her thing is "finding God in the mundane". While the book was written with everyday language it felt dry. I don't relate to her negative thoughts or anxiety but I do like that she used liturgy as a means to snap the moments of life back to God whether it's doing dishes or dealing with a child.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in three days (and long nights) while my 9 month old daughter had croup. It is a beautiful book, full of real wisdom about the transition into motherhood for women who feel like it is stripping away everything that made us feel like functioning members of society. I laughed and cried with Micha and felt so grateful that she told us this beautiful, vulnerable story of re-learning how to pray.

Great book.

[MacKenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking and beautiful

At once this book was memoir and deep learning. So many things about Micha's story resonated with me and my own searching. This pursuit of motherhood and God at once is hard and confusing and she does a beautiful job of grappling with that realness. It was inspiring to read and I now have an even larger list of books that I want to read on prayer and monks and spiritual disciplines.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deep, thought-provoking and beautiful. Much food for thought. This one has left me thinking and praying....

[Jessica Grove · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was difficult to read through all of her angst.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Authentic, Reflective, Thoughtful

I enjoyed the slowness and contemplation that reading this insisted of me. I could identify myself in her story.
"If I doubt God's goodness I tell myself I'm a disaster, and if I feel God's presence I sigh my relief. But part of what draws me to St. Benedict's Rule is the possibility that there is room for both at the same time: the doubt and the belief, the disappointment and the acceptance."
"I understand why. I understand the urgency of doubt, the longing to straighten the wrinkles out of my mind, make every connection from God to humanity linear. I long for answers to every biblical uncertainty. I want to hold a deep conviction so I can explain away those scripture passages that make me squirm."
I could totally relate to her dialogue about her spiritual advisor asking her to ask God for a word that He would want her to hear and focus on and her fear that she wouldn't hear or that her mind would make it up.
I could also totally relate to her fear that if God actually talked to her he would be coming clean about his disappointment. I know that fear. She was talking about being in a fellowship with believers who give others messages from Jesus. She was not criticizing them, simply sharing how she struggles to know if they are right or lying or what. I know that struggle. Trying to figure out what God is really saying.
"Sometimes belief is off in the sunshine while I'm coated in fog, cold and uncertain, trapped by a sky that feels too heavy to penetrate. But hope lives here, still: God's Word on my brittle heart, full of possibility, already dripping through the cracks."
Elizabeth O'Connor in Servant Leaders, Servant Structures wrote, "(The) call was to come to most of us through the ordinary events of life, which were to be extraordinary because we brought to them a new quality of asking and listening." She spoke of having great big missionary dreams and fearing she might be disappointing or falling short of being a great Christian. She showed her journey to learning to find God in the everyday things of life and to find her place as wife and mother and what God has for her right where she is. I can relate to this. To thinking that I should be doing something bigger, something more to really make God happy. But I know God is asking me to serve him contently right where I am. To find peace and prayer right here; now.

[Phyllis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was expecting a different kind of book. Instead of a narrative describing spiritual growth that would provide me with insight and encouragement, this was a memoir written by a homesick, lonely young woman with doubts about her mental stability. In addition, much of the book focuses on the turmoil and tumult of new motherhood. Although she was prompted to write because of her longing for a deeper connection to God, she has a distorted impression of God including difficulty believing that God loves her or that her life has value.

Halfway through the book she begins to meet regularly with a spiritual therapist, when she feels “the darkness slink back in again. Finally I’m recognizing it, this black smoke settling into the creases of my mind. I don’t think I’m depressed, but I do think something’s wrong; something has been wrong for several months. All this time I’ve written it off as loneliness, homesickness. But I know there’s more. I know it has to do with prayer.”

I’m not qualified to analyze her, but I agree with her observation that something is wrong – and it’s more than an issue of prayer. I appreciate how she honestly shares her concerns regarding her sanity. Add to that are her feelings of discouragement, as she is home alone every day with a toddler, while pregnant with baby number two. Her vivid descriptions of morning sickness brought back my own memories. Similarly, I had my three children (three under five years old) while also living in San Francisco, so I could identify with some of her experiences of being far away from family, with a husband who was at work every day, dealing with the mundaneness of early motherhood.

I agreed with one of the author’s friend's advice, “I think you can torment yourself inside your own head or you can bring the thoughts into the light of day. Sometimes you get them out of you and into prayer, they look different. They look a lot more hopeful.”

I do hope with insightful friends, her therapist, and God’s grace, she finds the stability and confidence she was seeking while writing this book.

So in summary, this book is not an uplifting advice-filled devotional, but instead it’s a journal of one woman’s spiritual journey, as she struggles with mental stability, her desire to be a good mother and wife, and her quest for a deeper connection with God.

[Amanda Medlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been on my TBR list for a while and I purchased it months ago when it was a Kindle deal, but for some reason I just wasn't interested in starting it. I think I have become a little burnt out with spiritual memoirs from my generation. But for some reason I felt drawn to it when I was looking through the unread books on my Kindle trying to decide what to read next and I am so glad I chose it. It was like a breath of fresh air and unlike any other spiritual memoir I've read from my generation. It was simple, beautiful, pure, full of grace. It was easy to read...conversational storytelling intermingled with beautiful poetic phrasing. Reflections on those experiences that shaped her spiritually without any anger or bitterness for the negative. Just authentic and earnest soul-searching. I love her references to the Benedictine monks and how she gently incorporates many of their practices in her own life and motherhood. She is a lovely person and I hope she writes another book soon!

[Lydia Bergen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Micha Boyett the poet shines on every page. Her writing is artful and lovely.

Although seeped in narrative, the conflict Micha faces is internal, wrestling with a faith that's morphing into something new under the weight of new motherhood and under the fog of her new San Francisco home. Even as someone who could personally relate to this story, I didn't find it all that interesting. To me, what makes a great memoir is a narrator facing conflict and going through a transformation. In Micha's case, both of these things happened so subtly that I questioned whether this was really working as a book. I may have preferred "Found" the essay.

There's also some fatigue for the story of evangelical girl has faith crisis and turns to liturgy and Benedictine tradition. It's beginning to feel cliche, the obvious trajectory of a typically developing human. Maybe that's the real thing separating my 3 star from a 4 star rating is that I've already essentially read this book by at least 3 other authors and I'm bored. Sorry, Micha.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A vulnerable and honest glimpse into the spiritual and emotional struggles of a woman coming into motherhood. Micha Boyett is real and incredibly reflective and insightful. I felt like I really stepped into her mind. She talks a lot about feeling “stuck” in her prayer journey and spiritual identity. I was longing for some forward motion and a greater sense of resolution or insight deeper into the book, and even at the end I’m not sure that it really comes. So i almost felt stuck with her in this book and was hoping for more. She really is a good writer, and her knack for poetry shines through. there were times when I felt like I needed a break from the poetic writing style, as beautiful as it is. Still, it was an easy read, I was able to relate to her, and her words gave me plenty to think about and consider in my own spiritual questioning. I appreciate Boyett for sharing her spiritual memoir as a new mother so rawly. I am certain she is a treasure to her loved ones and is making her corner of the world a better place, even if she doesn’t always see it.

[Ariel Lovewell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perfect book for me to have read in this season of my life, much in the bleary midnight hours of nursing. In this memoir style book structured by the liturgical seven Hours, Micha did share a lot of helpful insights from Saint Benedict and wove his principles into her writing. What was most nourishing for me was the sense of being seen in her own struggles of guilt and spiritual not-enough-ness, a strong theme of my life I am now watching surface in new language amid motherhood. Being let in on God's carving of that tunnel in her towards something "greater than guilt" reminded me that He is doing the same for me. Overall this was so relatable and timely.

"Stability is the wholehearted coming and coming and coming again. Prayer is not an act I perform, words I recite, a behavior I strive to maintain. It is a returning. It is a broken life finding healing, a misplaced soul recognizing home."

[Helen Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully written book. Painfully raw and honest. It grated a bit at times with my (albeit imperfect) reformed theological thinking. But mostly the honesty made it a page-turner for me! I so much appreciated a book that kept bringing me back to God, to Jesus, to spirituality, to prayer. Here is another mother that seems to especially know that we are more than our physical bodies. And she wants to keep knowing that over and over. It has opened a door for me to a new way of thinking about prayer which I hope to continue to explore. In essence, it is ok and even helpful to pray other people's prayers, starting with the Psalms and then on to liturgy.

[Lauren Bolles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall: lovely and reflective. This was a ✨nightstand book✨for me, which means a book I like to keep by my bed (hence the nightstand) to read before sleep or in the morning when my brain and heart are in a softer, more reflective, and more hopeful space. Micha Boyett was so relatable for me in her searching and her desire for connection with God. I especially related to her questions: “AmI doing enough to please God?” “Is it okay to live an ordinary life?” We humans can always do with more grace and compassion in our lives, so I definitely recommend this book for anyone longing for a deeper faith amongst the struggles of life. Also, the cute stories about her toddler were a great bonus.

[Ann Gemmel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful read. While I am at a far different stage of life than Micha was when she wrote this book - adapting to the mundane tasks of motherhood - I still deeply resonated with this book. As I face the midlife transition of an empty nest, grown children, watching so many of my peers scurrying hither and yon to find meaning and purpose in accomplishments, Micha's quest to transition from finding her identity in doing vs. being was one that I connected with on a deep level. Her writing is beautiful and refreshing honest with her heart and soul wrestlings. I greatly appreciated the lens of Benedictine prayer & spiritual formation that she uses to frame her book. Highly recommend.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

BEAUTIFUL!

I love Micha Boyett's tender, vulnerable openness with her thoughts and words. As she fumbles for meaning in the everyday miraculous tumble of life, I find myself in her struggles, I sense the deep-down, holy work of the Spirit--making, remaking, uncovering, unfolding, transforming-- and I sigh a satisfying breath of grace.

[Carole Duff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Motherhood, leaving her job, and relocating far from family create fertile ground for wilderness wandering, as Micha Boyett discovered. Who am I, besides the roles I fulfill? Have I betrayed my ministry? Am I enough now? How do I find time to pray? Boyett probes and ponders, prompting her readers to ask questions, too, and to pray with her under ordinary circumstances.

[Sherry Tobin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed her observations on the liturgical seasons and contemplative pursuit of God. I definitely desire a more disciplined faith that liturgy can bring, especially through mediation and silent retreats.

[Nick Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lovely writing and even better reflections on recovering spirituality and self after having a kid (and then another). I look forward to recommending this far and wide.

[Kate]

Recommended by Mary Carr in The art of memoir

[Michele Thrailkill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Lent read

[Carol Mc · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kept waiting for the hope. It never really came. There were some good points surrounded by constant complaining and depression. I wanted to like this book so much.