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Submissive Training: 23 Things You Must Know About How To Be A Submissive. A Must Read For Any Woman In A BDSM Relationship
Nothing will prepare you for a life of submission in the same way as your formal training. Submissive training isn’t just a “good idea” when it comes to creating a BDSM relationship. It is essential.
"Submissive Training: 23 Things You Must Know About How To Be A Submissive" is designed to help you know what to expect when you go through training with a new Dom. Every couple is unique and every Dom may have different ways of teaching you the systems of service he prefers. However, these are the basics all trained subs and slaves learn and employ in daily life.
Rushing into a relationship or service contract with a Dom without training puts the future of your time together at risk. All of the arguments, resistance, misunderstandings and hurt feelings that go with a new submissive’s experiences can be eradicated by a period designated for learning, listening, trial and error.
Even if you have been with a previous Dom you will need to go through an abbreviated training time to ensure your patterns and understandings match one another. Training is a way to “get in the same rhythm” and find the perfect groove.
If you are a Dom, this guide is the perfect gift to give to your new sub. If you are a sub, this guide will teach you how to go through your submissive training. As you go through these things on the journey to become the woman you were made to be, you will be tested but you will also be proud, joyful and, perhaps for the first time in your life, you will be at peace.
"Submissive Training: 23 Things You Must Know About How To Be A Submissive" is designed to help you know what to expect when you go through training with a new Dom. Every couple is unique and every Dom may have different ways of teaching you the systems of service he prefers. However, these are the basics all trained subs and slaves learn and employ in daily life.
Rushing into a relationship or service contract with a Dom without training puts the future of your time together at risk. All of the arguments, resistance, misunderstandings and hurt feelings that go with a new submissive’s experiences can be eradicated by a period designated for learning, listening, trial and error.
Even if you have been with a previous Dom you will need to go through an abbreviated training time to ensure your patterns and understandings match one another. Training is a way to “get in the same rhythm” and find the perfect groove.
If you are a Dom, this guide is the perfect gift to give to your new sub. If you are a sub, this guide will teach you how to go through your submissive training. As you go through these things on the journey to become the woman you were made to be, you will be tested but you will also be proud, joyful and, perhaps for the first time in your life, you will be at peace.
50 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 21, 2013
145 people are currently reading
306 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
October 27, 2014
I had this book recommended to me by a reader on Twitter and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to review a book by request. 23 Things You Must Know About How To Be a Submissive by Elizabeth Cramer is available as a paperback or an ebook. I purchased mine through Amazon Kindle. I have to admit that the title alone made me interested in what might be within. These 23 things, did I already know them, seeing as I have 10 years experience? Would I pick up something new?
The answer is a long one, so take a seat. Elizabeth Cramer has written this as a guidebook, almost like a manual of how a life as a submissive will develop and grow. She breaks it into two sections:
What you will learn.
How you will learn it.
I do have to give her introduction merit. She says that everyone has different protocol and that training is a time period where the couple finds their compatibility and groove. That’s very much correct to how everyone’s relationship is based. But that’s about as far as I feel she went with this line of thought. The book is written specifically for live in D/s, preferably 24/7 goal oriented, with medium to high protocol in mind for a submissive’s training period and from a guide it turns to more like a manual. But no manual I’ve ever seen – or want to have to follow.
From the introduction on out the book went downhill for me. Each chapter is written in a very direct way that is off-putting for me. I try to educate in the manner that all things are subject to the couple in the relationship, that things can and do change and develop through negotiation and common desires and needs. The author writes her book as if her way is the only way that training will happen. She uses words like “should, must, expect, essential” as if all submissives have the same expectations in training. That even a couple in medium-high protocol follows training in just this manner. You have every right as a person to ask to talk about something before it is done and if they won’t then RUN AWAY!
Don’t get me wrong, there are some very good quotes from the book, if you pull them out of context and use them as they are. Using them within the text only leads me to shake my head in dismay at what this book is trying to do. It will confuse even more novices if they read it. They will take ideas and thoughts from it much like the fiction books that more seasoned practitioners warn are not the basis of a D/s life. In fact this guide reads very much like fiction.
As a responsible author and teacher myself, I just can’t get behind a book that makes assumptions on the way training must be for everyone and presents it as a guidebook for submissives on how to be submissive. If I were a novice submissive in a relationship and started reading this book I would begin to think that my relationship was doing it wrong, or that the expectations I had of the dynamic were lacking because this book presents training as some rigid, one way, only way, right way thinking. As an experienced person, I know this is not true, but how can I safeguard the new submissives that come my way if there are books out there like this?
To take an example quote from the book, “Underwear is almost always a “by permission only” article of clothing for a sub”(Section I: 5). Trust me, no where is there a manual saying the a submissive will not wear underwear but this “guide” makes it sound like you had better surrender your underwear when you become submissive. Sure a lot of Dominants prefer that their submissives not wear underwear but there are far more that like lingerie, or prefer the hygienic use of underwear and encourage dressing with undergarments. Still more leave it to the submissive to dress as they desire as long as they are pleasing. Others don’t care to control that part of their submissive’s life.
And that’s the crux of this book. No where does the book emphasize negotiating the training period or what will happen during it. It makes assumptions that the submissive will just do whatever the Dominant requires or requests, and that’s a lot in this book, without having a mind of their own. Oh and that’s because the author believes that in training you no longer have an identity;
“In training you will learn your identity is not made of your individual achievements (although they are important) but your relational context with your Dom. You are his. That is the core of your identity. That is who you are in how you will define all the other roles and lenses you look through” (Section I:1).
In all fairness a lot of submissives begin to identify themselves as belonging to their Dom and that everything they do is no longer their own. But not all, and certainly only learned if that is how the Dominant wishes them to be. KnyghtMare likes that I have a unique identity separate from his and that I have achievements that aren’t necessarily related to him.
In conclusion, this book reads like fiction and a one true way sort of manual. If that’s your thing, then pick it up. If it’s not, leave it. Or, if, by some chance, you are curious about the full contents, make sure you read it carefully and without assuming anything about your current or future relationship. Let your gut feeling be your guide on these things. Don’t let anyone tell you how your submissive life should, must, or expect to be played out. Only you can do that.
The answer is a long one, so take a seat. Elizabeth Cramer has written this as a guidebook, almost like a manual of how a life as a submissive will develop and grow. She breaks it into two sections:
What you will learn.
How you will learn it.
I do have to give her introduction merit. She says that everyone has different protocol and that training is a time period where the couple finds their compatibility and groove. That’s very much correct to how everyone’s relationship is based. But that’s about as far as I feel she went with this line of thought. The book is written specifically for live in D/s, preferably 24/7 goal oriented, with medium to high protocol in mind for a submissive’s training period and from a guide it turns to more like a manual. But no manual I’ve ever seen – or want to have to follow.
From the introduction on out the book went downhill for me. Each chapter is written in a very direct way that is off-putting for me. I try to educate in the manner that all things are subject to the couple in the relationship, that things can and do change and develop through negotiation and common desires and needs. The author writes her book as if her way is the only way that training will happen. She uses words like “should, must, expect, essential” as if all submissives have the same expectations in training. That even a couple in medium-high protocol follows training in just this manner. You have every right as a person to ask to talk about something before it is done and if they won’t then RUN AWAY!
Don’t get me wrong, there are some very good quotes from the book, if you pull them out of context and use them as they are. Using them within the text only leads me to shake my head in dismay at what this book is trying to do. It will confuse even more novices if they read it. They will take ideas and thoughts from it much like the fiction books that more seasoned practitioners warn are not the basis of a D/s life. In fact this guide reads very much like fiction.
As a responsible author and teacher myself, I just can’t get behind a book that makes assumptions on the way training must be for everyone and presents it as a guidebook for submissives on how to be submissive. If I were a novice submissive in a relationship and started reading this book I would begin to think that my relationship was doing it wrong, or that the expectations I had of the dynamic were lacking because this book presents training as some rigid, one way, only way, right way thinking. As an experienced person, I know this is not true, but how can I safeguard the new submissives that come my way if there are books out there like this?
To take an example quote from the book, “Underwear is almost always a “by permission only” article of clothing for a sub”(Section I: 5). Trust me, no where is there a manual saying the a submissive will not wear underwear but this “guide” makes it sound like you had better surrender your underwear when you become submissive. Sure a lot of Dominants prefer that their submissives not wear underwear but there are far more that like lingerie, or prefer the hygienic use of underwear and encourage dressing with undergarments. Still more leave it to the submissive to dress as they desire as long as they are pleasing. Others don’t care to control that part of their submissive’s life.
And that’s the crux of this book. No where does the book emphasize negotiating the training period or what will happen during it. It makes assumptions that the submissive will just do whatever the Dominant requires or requests, and that’s a lot in this book, without having a mind of their own. Oh and that’s because the author believes that in training you no longer have an identity;
“In training you will learn your identity is not made of your individual achievements (although they are important) but your relational context with your Dom. You are his. That is the core of your identity. That is who you are in how you will define all the other roles and lenses you look through” (Section I:1).
In all fairness a lot of submissives begin to identify themselves as belonging to their Dom and that everything they do is no longer their own. But not all, and certainly only learned if that is how the Dominant wishes them to be. KnyghtMare likes that I have a unique identity separate from his and that I have achievements that aren’t necessarily related to him.
In conclusion, this book reads like fiction and a one true way sort of manual. If that’s your thing, then pick it up. If it’s not, leave it. Or, if, by some chance, you are curious about the full contents, make sure you read it carefully and without assuming anything about your current or future relationship. Let your gut feeling be your guide on these things. Don’t let anyone tell you how your submissive life should, must, or expect to be played out. Only you can do that.
May 12, 2014
I am new to this genre, and was looking for a good non fiction book to introduce me to a few concepts. and I think I found it! A lot of ideas and concepts explained simply yet in detail, making you feel by the end like you understand a lot without being patronised. Would highly recommend this to anyone who thinks they are a sub, or wants to see what being a sterotypical sub is all about :)
November 10, 2019
Excellent!
This is a short book for beginners, both Dom and sub. There is a lot of wisdom packed very tightly in a small space with no fluff!
This is a short book for beginners, both Dom and sub. There is a lot of wisdom packed very tightly in a small space with no fluff!
March 1, 2018
The title is a little misleading - this book isn't about BDSM relationships in general; it is only about Total-Power-Exchange relationships between a male Master and female "submissive" (by which they mean "slave" really). Not all BDSM relationships are like this, nor should they be.
February 13, 2019
Eloquent, to the point and honest
Insightful and thoughtful, very good for those submissives who never tried off line relationships living as a slave and a 24/7 consensual context. For those of us who spent many years in service, there are some kind reminders or nuggets of wisdom to reflect on.
Insightful and thoughtful, very good for those submissives who never tried off line relationships living as a slave and a 24/7 consensual context. For those of us who spent many years in service, there are some kind reminders or nuggets of wisdom to reflect on.
May 20, 2025
No
This book is very assumptive. The Master or D-type and you s-type will be the ones to decide what will happen in their dynamic. Not every dynamic is the same. And this submissive has every right to set limits of what she will do. I do not know many Masters or Dominates who will allow another to spank or punish their submissive. This is some gorean type book.
This book is very assumptive. The Master or D-type and you s-type will be the ones to decide what will happen in their dynamic. Not every dynamic is the same. And this submissive has every right to set limits of what she will do. I do not know many Masters or Dominates who will allow another to spank or punish their submissive. This is some gorean type book.
June 15, 2018
In the grand scheme of things, it's a decent read. When the author got into detail on some things, it went outside of what I was taught. Especially getting outsiders involved such as the librarian example in the book. I also did not like how obsolete sounding the book was.
May 21, 2019
Interesting but a bit dry and skewed to toward pain and punishment
Too dry and off balance. Would be more of a deterrent than encouragement to a beam relationship. Needs more emphasis on the pleasure and reward.
Too dry and off balance. Would be more of a deterrent than encouragement to a beam relationship. Needs more emphasis on the pleasure and reward.
October 6, 2019
Very well written and a fast read. The explanations are easy to digest and seems like it speaks more to the psychological nature of being a submissive. I recommend picking this up for any woman who is interested in, or curious about, a BDSM relationship.
December 11, 2019
Heavy duty understanding
Written for Doms that are training a new Sub. What it may feel like depending on the Dom and the Subs relationship. Whit out side eye's looking in you can create problems for your self. Practice with care
Written for Doms that are training a new Sub. What it may feel like depending on the Dom and the Subs relationship. Whit out side eye's looking in you can create problems for your self. Practice with care
June 4, 2021
Interesting
Useful guide aimed more at the slave that desires a 24/7 lifestyle but some interesting observations. Well worth a read if you are thinking about this as a lifestyle choice
Useful guide aimed more at the slave that desires a 24/7 lifestyle but some interesting observations. Well worth a read if you are thinking about this as a lifestyle choice
August 16, 2017
Well written description of a 27/7 Master-Slave relationship and tips to make it succeed. It is trully hard to consider this non fiction.
September 5, 2017
A good read
This was an excellent book for both the master and the submissive. It made me want to get right to it.
This was an excellent book for both the master and the submissive. It made me want to get right to it.
July 24, 2019
Very good read and would read again
I lived the book as a first time reader made me feel comfortable enough to move forward with my partner
I lived the book as a first time reader made me feel comfortable enough to move forward with my partner
August 28, 2014
This is a wonderful introductory book for the beginner. Elizabeth does a nice job explaining the basics. Highly recommend this short and sweet read. However, please remember that any specific relationship can expand to new horizons. The relationship between the submissive woman and her Master or Mistress is only limited by their imagination and mutual consent! I want to be your most humble servant and submissive slave:)
July 9, 2014
I think the book is well-written for what it is, but serves a relatively small niche of the lifestyle. It's an interesting read and can teach many subs and Doms a thing or two, but you definitely need to take it with a grain of salt and carefully consider which things are fascinating read and which things apply to you and your relationships.
May 19, 2021
I have a whole word document of notes i took from this book. If that doesn't say something about how good and informative it is, i don't know what will. It also put a lot of things that i had been doing in perspective for me, knowing how He feels when i forget something or ignore a command. I learned a lot and am excited to put some of this into play (get it?) in my own dynamic.
July 27, 2014
submissive lifestyle
submissive lifestyle
not right for one who is simply a sexual submissive, this book discusses a relationship based on submission, although a good beginner guide for that type of relationship
submissive lifestyle
not right for one who is simply a sexual submissive, this book discusses a relationship based on submission, although a good beginner guide for that type of relationship
November 8, 2013
Purchased on Amazon.com
Genre: Non-fiction - treatise - D/s relationship
Genre: Non-fiction - treatise - D/s relationship
November 21, 2015
A great deal learned!
I am new to the BDSM community. This book is great for new Sun's and gets straight to the point. Will be recommending this book to other sub's.
I am new to the BDSM community. This book is great for new Sun's and gets straight to the point. Will be recommending this book to other sub's.
April 26, 2016
Pretty good
There are parts of this book that might make you cringe but it's truth. It was a great book take what you need and a little more of what you don't think you need.
There are parts of this book that might make you cringe but it's truth. It was a great book take what you need and a little more of what you don't think you need.
January 2, 2026
There is a lot of good quotes, but the book is based on what one Dom finds acceptable. Not all Doms wants a hairless, witless doll.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews