Free to Learn: Five Ideas for a Joyful Unschooling Life

by Pam Laricchia

Thinking about homeschooling? Curious about unschooling? Walk with me as I share the five paradigm-changing ideas about learning and living that freed my family from the school schedule. With over ten years of experience, I have come to see how key these ideas were, and still are, to our unschooling lives. With stories, examples, and clear language, Free to Learn explores the depth and potential of unschooling.

Learning freely, living joyfully.

Genres: Education, Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Family, Teaching

88 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 3, 2012

About the author

Pam Laricchia is a long-time unschooling mom from Ontario, Canada whose three children left school mid-year back in 2002. She loves exploring unschooling and sharing the fascinating things she’s discovered along the way about learning and parenting.

Pam’s articles have been published in Toronto Life magazine, The Natural Parent Magazine, Life Learning Magazine, The Homeschooler, and the peer-reviewed Journal of Unschooling and Alternative Learning.

She's also written five books about unschooling: What is Unschooling?, Free to Learn, Free to Live, Life through the Lens of Unschooling, and The Unschooling Journey.

She hosts the weekly podcast, Exploring Unschooling, with more than 100 episodes in the archive.

Join Pam to explore unschooling at livingjoyfully.ca.

Have fun!

Reviews

[Jen (bookscoffeedogs) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked this up from the library for new homeschooling inspiration. While I agree with some of it, it is definitely a radical unschooling approach, one in which kids can go to bed when THEY want, eat pb&j for every meal for 5 days if THEY want in the theory that they will learn what works for THEM and not to follow some arbitrary rule that works for others. Unfortunately, I need to take care of myself too which means them going to bed at a reasonable hour, eating food that is healthy enough we don't end up in the ER (as we have from not enough fruit and veggies and my daughter having bouts with constipation) And I find when my kids don't have some sort of structure to their lives, they take it out on each other, which is also stressful for my husband and I. Sometimes what works for the whole family needs to take precedent in our house at least. I am just not a radical unschooler, if you are this book is great, if you aren't skip it an move on to others about unschooling. There is a variety of ideas on what 'unschooling' is I am finding, pretty much as many families as claim unschooling status, that is how many different visions of unschooling you get. If you are curious about radical unschooling then yes, read this book. I did like the reminder about trying to say 'yes' more and not just going for the 'no' or 'cause I said so' bit, but taking more time to focus and discuss with the kids the challenges that come up. Which to me really means being more mindful of what is really going on when they are fighting or frustrated.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you've never heard of unschooling, it's basically homeschooling without a curriculum. The central idea is that people learn well when they are interested/invested in the subject matter, so children should be encouraged to follow their passions without having a curriculum imposed on them by a teacher/parent. The other ideas Laricchia shares all flow from there, challenging parents to consider how, when, what and where people can (and "should") learn. I agree with her about many of the limitations of public schooling and generally appreciate the reminder to ask myself "Why?" and "Why not?" more often as I parent my kids. I can't follow her all the way to the extreme belief that kids should be "free" to learn anything via any method or that I shouldn't steer them at all, but the overall concept of giving them more freedom is a helpful course-correct.

I found this interesting because I'm a sucker for books about various educational philosophies, but it was pretty limited in scope so I was ultimately disappointed. Some of the overarching concepts here are found in Simplicity Parenting, which I'd recommend more highly. Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was repetitive and not dense.
It also didn't seem to cover much new ground.
That being said, it emphasized/reminded me of a few critical things that ideal education should be:
1) Child directed
2) Allow play
3) Age mixed

I am not sure how to make this actionable. The nearest similar philosophied schools are 45 minutes away. My opinion on my options are to
1) Homeschool (I don't think I have the time to do a good job with this)
2) Start a charter school with other parents (probably also don't have the time for this)
3) Augment my daughter's education whenever I can. This probably won't be much and would require focus (we'd have to limit other activities unless she is certain she will want to do them).
4) If the above schools offer busing and my daughter wants to sending her to one of them. This would probably fill her day a bit too much and may stress her out.

These options don't feel that great and all in all this book is somewhat frustrating.
It clearly shows how education should be, but doesn't mesh well with reality where this education is hard to come by.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would term this more of a radical unschooling book. Radical unschooling would not be joyful to me. ;-) We definitely allow our children to learn at their own pace and to learn what they want. However, we do have some basic rules in our home so that we can be respectful to each other and learn how to live together in harmony. I feel like if we took Mrs. Laricchia's approach to unschooling, we would have a messy, chaotic house, without any structure at all. And I think it would produce some grumpy, selfish children, too. I believe that children should be valued and respected without a doubt, but I also believe that gentle and loving guidance from parents is necessary. I think there is a healthy in-between. I did glean some useful tips and ideas from her, so this book was not a total waste of my time.

[Charlotte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate where this book is coming from. I think unschooling is an admirable choice and I like a lot of the concepts here but find the author too judgemental and don't agree with some of what she is saying. For example, kids like 'sugary treats' because that is what we are genetically programmed to like, not just because they are restricted from eating these foods.. I don't think I could follow her idea of unschooling.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read about unschooling, discusses five main ideas:

1. Allow real learning to take place (i.e. not textbook/curriculum based learning)
2. Follow your child's interests (learning takes place best when the learner is interested and engaged)
3. Learn how to make choices and decisions (don't make the choices for your child)
4. Yes instead of no
5. Live together, give children a voice in the family

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, quick and enlightening read. It helped solidify our choice to unschool our kids and brought to light many ideas on how to better trust our children and cultivate our family relationships. We won't be utilizing everything she mentions but have taken many great nuggets of info, without getting bogged down by too many details. I love the short examples she included in each chapter and helped me relate to her explanations.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read on unschooling. I expected to find research to back up the ideals and a home that still had a "little" structure and guidance. I need to do a little more research on the topic, but I will be very disappointed if it is about encouraging my child to play video games all day while I bring them food in their room.

[Alex Polikowsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book specially if you are new to the idea of unschooling!

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a life-changer for me!!! I devoured it in an afternoon ... then shared it with my family. So much inspiration and optimism within these pages!

[Hawley · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be fair, I am not formally an unschooler parent, but there are things I appreciate and value in the unschooling mindset to education and strive to implement (such as making books, instruments, crafting supplies, and other learning opportunities available with adequate amounts of free time carved out for my children to pick their own adventures and pursue their passions). That said, I found this book to be a bit patronizing and perhaps best suited to parenting teens. It is also an entirely secular book, which may be positive or negative for the reader depending on their personal preference.

Personally, I do not believe it is responsible or healthy to allow young children to decide when they want to go to bed or allow them to dictate everything. That said, I would like to think she doesn’t really mean that for little ones as much as being attentive to them and not a total dictator (which I do agree with!)…

I find her examples rather annoying, honestly, and very biased. That said, it’s nice that she tries to present real life examples. I think her writing is mostly trying to shift people from a traditional school mindset to unschooling, rather than considering how unschooling can be effective in a homeschooling context. (As in, it seems she is more so trying to contrast unschooling to traditional education. I was more so hoping to gain more inspiration for embracing some more unschooling approaches in my homeschooling which I’ve already been doing for years. So perhaps this book simply isn’t oriented towards someone like me as the audience? Still, I figure my thoughts might be helpful to someone else and also to reflect on later.)

The 5 key ideas I think are:

1) Considering education from the perspective of the learner rather than the teacher. She suggests that learning is best defined by the learner. While I think this is worth considering, I think a teacher ought to be applying wisdom gained from knowledge of the student and life itself to help be their guide in the process.

2) Following their interests. Yes! I love this. My second born knows more about animals than anyone I’ve ever met. All based on my child’s personal desire to learn more about them and absorption of all that the child reads and partakes in…

3) Giving your child the ability to make choices. Yes. Definitely.

4) instead of saying no, say yes. I think this can be a good encouragement, to try to say yes more. However, she seems to make it really guilt oriented like if you ever say no, you’re squashing their curiosity and shutting them down. I think that’s a bit much. Saying yes more but also saying no when appropriate or you’re just not able to do all the things is healthy. I also think this is easier to do when you have 1-3 kids not more. Allowing every kid in a large family to do what they want all the time WITH you is simply impossible but also probably chaotic.

5) Living together: your children matter and deserve to have a voice. Yes. I agree with this but I think Charlotte Mason’s principle that “Children are persons, too” is a better expression of this idea. Children are not trying to be human. They are indeed individuals of their own right from the outset and no one age of a person makes them worthy of our respect.

Ultimately, this book is blissfully short and easy to flip through. I did not read it all word for word because I found the examples grating and I guess it just didn’t appeal to me enough but it was interesting to flip through. I think unschooling may also be hard to write about as it probably ought to be somewhat determined by the doer and less by an “expert” based on its very principles. I’m just not sold on an entirely unschooling approach because as a Christian myself, I do believe we are also all sinners and our heart can mislead us to things that are not worthy, good, beautiful, or beneficial. I do believe discipline and hard work, learning to overcome discouragement, persevering, and having a broader understanding of many things is beneficial to the child. Although this may happen in an unschooling context, I am personally more of an eclectic homeschooler who gleans what I find worthy and beneficial from various different approaches. I personally really love a lot from Charlotte Mason and classical perspectives, also.

I hope this review helps others who may be wanting to grow in homeschooling, also, as they consider both this book and education overall.

[Janey · Rating 4 out of 5]

"In those first years some teachers were more flexible, while others were quite determined to shave off his uniqueness.............Most of the teachers understood what I was talking about, but their feedback was that they don't have the time to work with kids outside the personalities and learning styles that mesh with the classroom setting. The kids have to fit the surroundings, not the other way around...........It became clear to me that he would not thrive in public school."

"And soon you begin to glimpse the true nature of unschooling unfolding: living joyfully and passionately as a family, and building lifelong relationships in an environment where your children are free to discover and to grow into the people they were born to be."

"Whether teachers like it or not, the students themselves are completely in control of whether learning is happening."

"The other challenge is accommodating different learning styles. This is a daunting task in the highly structured school environment. Those students that don't learn well in the typical classroom environment are regarded as unintelligent and many carry that judgment well into their adult lives. People don't realize that the issue was really that the typical classroom setup was not conducive to how they learn best."

Quoting Herbert Geurjoy: "Tomorrow's illiterate will not be the man who can't read; he will be the man who has not learned how to learn."

"The point is that there is no start or end to learning; it can happen at any time, at any age, whenever the need to attain the skill or knowledge arises."

"It takes time to move from a teacher-centered, structured view of learning to a learner-centered one."

"Learning need not be defined as exclusively occurring in classrooms, during school hours, with those of school age. It can be found everywhere, at anytime, and can happen at any age........People (and again, children are people) enjoy learning things that are useful to them now, and they learn best when they are interested and engaged."

"At this time in history, there is so much information readily available in the world; it is no longer only available in the classroom, dispensed by a teacher."

"There is no right and wrong time to learn something when learning is seen as a lifelong endeavor; learn it when you want or need the knowledge. And there is no behind or ahead in learning. Comparing marks or knowledge against others is not a measure of personal learning and is irrelevant to the learner if the goal is expanding their own knowledge base."

"Free to learn, children in all these overlapping groups will gather knowledge and pick up skills in ways that work for them. They may prefer to learn through books or magazines (read by themselves or by others); TV, movies, or documentaries; mentors or interested peers; hands-on exploration; online websites, blogs, and podcasts; visits to related places close or far; and so forth. No one method of learning is superior to another, except to an individual."

"Remember, your child is not just an extension of you. It's not hard to imagine that different choices in the same situation could work out well for different people, yet it's still pretty easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you know the best choice for another person: a spouse, a friend, or especially a child you love and want the best for."

I really, really, needed to learn this: "While developing this trust, it is important that you don't judge their choices, even implicitly. Real choice is lost if you even subtly manipulate them with a sigh or a certain look. Certainly discuss the options, but it's important that they feel free to follow their preference because people learn best from an experience when it is their own. If they are living someone else's choices, they are often learning something different. Can you recall a situation where this was true for you? Even as an adult, when you're told what to do, it is human nature to feel a twinge of rebellion, especially when you think there is a better choice. You may well do what you're told, but what you are likely thinking about and learning from is not the situation at hand, but rather your feelings toward the messenger--your boss, your coach, or your parent."

"Experience in making the smaller choices in life while growing up has a number of wonderful benefits for children: they get to know and understand themselves well, their likes and dislikes, what they excel at, and what they find challenging; they gain lots of experience in analyzing situations and choosing which path forward to take; and their parents are close by to talk to while analyzing situations, available to share their experiences and thoughts. Young adults aren't left to ponder whether their choices are truly theirs, or are in reaction to their parents' control."

"Learning happens when their is interest. In terms of learning and building their web of knowledge, choosing which threads to pursue now and which to leave for later also helps children build experience and confidence. Without choice in this area they aren't free to explore what they are most interested in, which is where the best learning is found. And if that thread they decided not to pursue last month comes up again this month related to something else, they begin to see that it might be a useful bit of information to have or skill to pick up and may soon choose to give it their attention."

"A person makes fewer detours as an adult if given the time and opportunities during childhood to really understand themselves, how they tick, and to incorporate that knowledge into their decision making when evaluating choices. Also, seeing how their perspective and goals change over time, especially during the teen years, helps them more easily understand and accept their changes of perspective and goals during adulthood, seeing them not as failures but as part of living."

"Would you rather be a parent that supports their child's interests as much as possible? One who helps their child to explore the world? Do you prefer to see you and your child as a team working together? If so, then give your child's requests full consideration."

"The more you are able to help your child accomplish and explore what piques her interest, the more your child will learn about herself and the world."

"It takes time to move through that outlook to a team-based one where the children--and parents--feel respected enough to release their need to feel powerful, trusting other family members to not take advantage of them."

"What I found was that when I looked at real learning, learning that was understood and remembered, the potential for it was much greater when living directly in the real world versus spending a large part of the day in a classroom learning from a simulated world."

"As I was making these paradigm shifts I uncovered an underlying theme: trust."

"Just because I didn't understand the situation did not mean that it didn't have the same value for my child as a situation that was more transparent to me."

"Looking at unschooling through a relationship lens, it becomes quite clear that the paradigm shifts I underwent were also those that most improved our relationships."

[Alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a fan of this book, even though I love unschooling. It sounds more like, let your kids do whatever they want because the parents' needs don't matter.

She has an "idea" (suggestion would be too much like a rule haha) to try not having any rules in your house, and instead using "principles" and discussing them with your kids. And the example she used is "no throwing balls in the house." I suppose I agree with explaining to your kids why you shouldn't throw balls in the house (so you don't break anything). She suggests to join in playing catch with them instead... or make an exception since it's windy outside... Sorry, no. Being worried that my kid is going to break my computer screen but I'm trying to let them be "free to learn" so I let them do whatever they want does not sound joyful to me. I just wouldn't keep the ball in the house so they aren't tempted, or provide an indoor playspace where they can.

We aren't a family that issues rules willy-nilly, but having clear guidelines that you don't need to think about and discuss every single time makes life simpler for everyone. The book spurred me to think about my rules, but just made me more sure that we need to stick to them in order to have a joyful life. We don't eat food in the bedroom because I do not want mice or ants where we sleep. And I don't want my kid to say "okay no crumbs" but then make crumbs in there anyway so that I'm left trying to clean them up but inevitably missing some and getting ants. Not negotiable, even if I'm in a good mood.

Yes, I like the idea of letting your kids make their own choices and mistakes, but I don't want their mistakes to always be at my expense so that they have an unhappy mom and learn nothing themselves.

What I did like was the two pages of learning web pictures where she shows how an interest in Harry Potter led to an exploration of SO MANY other topics of learning. It gave me a clearer picture of what unschooling can look like when you say yes to your kids' interests and let them explore what they're excited about.

The "ideas" in this book can't really be learned by reading them from someone else's experience. You'll come to your own revelations as you spend enough time with your kids.

[Ozy Frantz · Rating 2 out of 5]

(This is a review of Pam Laricchia's entire series, not just Free to Learn; while the books were inexpensive, they really should have been one book and not three.)

I have complicated feelings about this book. Sometimes I call myself half an unschooler. On one hand, I agree with following the child's interests, creating an enriched environment that helps the child learn, encouraging the child's independence, and fostering a culture of lifelong learning in the family.

On the other hand, Laricchia repeatedly says that it doesn't matter if a child fails to learn calculus or American history, because they'll learn something else that is more important to them right now. I disagree with her idea that all knowledge is equally valuable. Learning how to beat every boss in Dark Souls is just not as valuable as calculus; it is possible to waste time.

I am deeply skeptical of Laricchia's attitude towards teaching math; I don't think board games and cooking give enough practice to build number sense and mastery of arithmetic. I think it is possible to unschool math, just as it's possible to unschool reading. But thanks to our school system's incompetent teaching of mathematics, many people hate and are frightened by math. They create an environment rich in books, stories, and language, but not in numbers, puzzles, and shapes.

I am concerned by Laricchia completely ignoring the concept of discipline. Sometimes any person wants to do something in general but has difficulty doing it in the moment. I think guiding children gently to help them reach their own goals is much better than saying "well, if you don't want to work on your book today, you can play Minecraft."

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another interesting book about unschooling from Pam, although I found that quite a bit was repeated in her “What Is Unschooling” book.

Definitely a great place to start if you’d like to introduce unschooling into your family life. Pam isn’t advocating just giving kids absolute free rein from day one, just introducing the concepts that make up an unschooling life in increments that work for you. Some of these ideas might never work for your family (e.g kids going to bed when they’re ready) but that’s the great thing about unschooling, it’s different for us all.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars for lightness of material, though I liked the book well enough. I already agree with the premise and the principles, so there's not really any handwringing over how my needs as a person must necessarily come into conflict with my children's and therefore, they must be told what to do... that I need to do. It's all about trust, and I'm still doing tons of self-work on it, but I get it. Can't wait to say the exact same thing for the other books she's written. 😂

[9390-3359 Québec inc. Karina Vallerand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Merveilleux!

Exactement ce que j’avais besoin de lire pour me confirmer et me mettre en confiance sur notre choix de faire l’école à la maison (style unschooling). Ce sera un défi, certes, mais grâce à ces paradigmes modifiés, je suis certaine que nous y arriverons avec beaucoup plus de facilité. Un bel outil que ce livre!

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall I thought this book was just ok. IMO, it's a radical look at unschooling. I was hoping there would be more information offered and backed up by other sources. With that being said there was some helpful information and tips to transition to unschooling. I still feel like I need more information so I will be hunting down more books on this topic.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a homeschooler mom myself, I’ve enjoyed that this book is filled with practical ideas for an easier approach to unschooling.
If you’re curious about unschooling and how to implement it in your family, might be a good resource.

[Krista · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not really anything new here for me.

[Courtney Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great easy read for a homeschool parent!

[Paula Wharram · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone trying to wrap my head around, and embrace unschooling, it was a great read. I read it in one afternoon and made notes. we already do the food, sleep, and chores stuff; But I found the information about learners to be very helpful. I happen to also be a school teacher so deschooling is very hard, will likely never happen, but it certainly made me question my teaching practice, and made me more inspired and comfortable in following my husbands lead with our unschooling

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good overview of the unschooling philosophy, some examples and the basic paradigm shifts that happen for those who have been taught that learning only happens at a desk in a classroom from September to June.

There is much here that is not solely applicable to unschooling. I appreciated her discussion on rules versus principles in the home, opening up discussions and eliminating the "knee-jerk no" response.

I can't remember a book I have ever agreed AND disagreed with so strongly. It was a fun read.

[Jenna Anderson]

Oh man, am I an unschooler?? I loved this short and sweet little book. I do not know yet how homeschooling will look in our house, but these ideas make such a good foundation. I assumed that many of the things that I’ve leaned on while parenting little babies (letting them sleep when they’re tired, eat when they’re hungry, feel their big feelings) would have to be tempered when they started school. And I wasn’t looking forward to that transition. This book affirms my instincts and opens the door to deepening this way of living. Love.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good homeschool inspiration book, though probably better suited to a parent at the beginning of the homeschool journey, not one nearing the end. It did give me a few twinges of regret that I had not had the courage to live an unschooling life when my kids were younger. That's why I gave it 4 stars: not for me, but for younger moms with younger kids who can get a better start than my kids had.

[Archana Ananthaswamy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this one! Clear and concise whether you need a reminder or want to apply the essence of it to your life. I really enjoyed the section on expectations. Highly recommend to anyone who feels that our children's learning needs to aim at personal happiness which depends more on lighting their own path and the quality of key relationships in their life rather than success as defined by society.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this more. But I think what I'd like in a homeschooling book is more ideas about actually how to make it work and while there was some of this, eventually I started feeling like I was being constantly critiqued for being a substandard parent. That's probably just me and my baggage, though.

[Emma Bliss · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a small book and an easy read. It covers the basics of unschooling and makes it make sense. Ideal as an intro or for giving to family members that question what it's all about, but you will probably want to read deeper than this offers if you do plan to unschool. There is an excellent list of books at the back with a description of each to guide you on these next steps.

[Justine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a nice, straightforward introduction to unschooling done in a way that even people who are fairly married to the idea of school can read without becoming too uncomfortable. It would be a good book to give to friends or family who are needing a bit of background on unschooling or for parents interested moving to unschooling their children.

[Jill Medina · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to unschool for beginnets

I love how Pam broke up the ideas and expounded on each idea, with plenty of examples. This book and her website & podcasts are really helping me with our unschooling journey, & I recommend it to anyone who is unschooling or thinking about it.