How To Fart - Louder, Longer, and Stronger…without soiling your undies! Also learn how to fart on command, fart more often, and increase the smell.

by R. Sole

There are many books on the market giving solutions on how to stop farting. But what is there for people who want to fart more? To fart louder? To fart longer? To fart stronger…both pressure wise, and smell wise? Those that want to become champions at passing wind? Those that want to exercise their right to free speech, and exercise their sphincters at the same time? Those who say to hell with the clean air bill? And to those who want to fart responsibly, and not leave skid marks. And to those that just want to have fun!Well, to all those people, this book is written for you!In this concise, no fluff (well, actually full of fluff and hot air) report you'll learn to do exactly what the book title says... Fart louder, longer and stronger. In this short read you'll learn to build up the fart pressure with scientific food combining, and how to release it at will with advanced bowel control. Impress your friends, relatives, and partners. You'll be the talk of the town. Learn to create copious amounts of wind, and how to utilize it for best effect. You’ll learn how to generate the gas, how to control and propel it, and how to make it smell beastly! From meek and mild through too big, bold and offensive…in fact deadly! Use these skills to clear a long bank queue, get a seat on a crowded train or bus, get extra leg room on a long flight, in fact the possibilities are endless. Go into stealth mode and watch people give each other the hairy eye ball as they try to figure out who dropped the clanger. Movie theaters, restaurants, amusement rides...nothing is safe...nothing is out of bounds. Get creative! Use your new found super powers to go above and beyond what others thought possible. Use shock and awe tactics. Singe peoples nose hairs. Create havoc. Have them gagging, and gasping for air. But with these new found powers comes great responsibility. Use them for good. Clear a bus to make a seat for a little old lady...and let someone else take the blame! (Insert evil chuckle here). Everything and anything is possible in this new paradigm of achievement that you will find your life propelled into. Blast yourself into success. Rise to heights and levels previously unimaginable. The world truly is your oyster, or perhaps I should say pickled egg. Forget about dropping your lunch, that will all be behind you...think about dropping a whole shopping trolley of cheese, tasty!Based on real science and food chemistry, this book is very much a practical guide, without getting bogged down too deeply into technical crap. Prac, not crap. There are enough scientific facts to keep the more technically minded satisfied.Onward and upward, go boldly forward into a hole (pun intended) new level of achievement, recognition, and farting pleasure. You will now be a famed Fartiste, and the envy of your colleagues, friends, and work mates.Walk tall, with your nose held high. You will exude a presence that commands attention. At last, gain the respect you deserve.OK, that's enough reading this blurb. Stop dreaming, and get into action and start reaping the rewards of fame and respect. Click the buy now button now, and let the fun begin!

Genres: Humor

60 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 30, 2013

Reviews

[Ryan L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative read; learned new deadly food combinations.

You can’t resist to laugh throughout the book, highly recommend it in audio form. Didn’t know you could perform music through flatulence, might give it a try!

[Elizabeth Robbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crack for your funnybone!!!!This is a great way to get a preteen boy interested in reading! My eleven year old son has been laughing for the last half hour, and I didn't have to force him to read! This is a miracle! On a side note, my nineteen yr old DAUGHTER that also found this book hilarious. I, myself, snickered and chuckled while reading ( yes, it's immature....butt (!) hilarious!)

[Patrick Roche · Rating 5 out of 5]

How else do you spend a Tuesday night but getting stoned and listening to this?

[Angela · Rating 1 out of 5]

Why, did I read this?!?!

Why have I done it, just why, what did I do to earn reading this book! WARNING! DO NOT READ!

[No-Genre-Unread · Rating 3 out of 5]

For the record, I am not aspiring to fart more, or make my farts louder, or crank up their stank. For reasons I don’t understand, Spotify recommended this book to me. I was like, “Is this for real?”—And so I gave it a listen for the shock value of it. The book was only thirty-nine minutes long, and I had nothing better to do on a dark and stormy Friday night.
I can’t believe such a book was published. What the…?! This doctor is a total nutburger! I sure as hell was shocked. He took the obnoxious behavior of deliberately farting and twisted it into making it sound like something that could benefit your life. Becoming a rip-roaring farter will earn you perks such as the enjoyment of commuting on a city bus that’s not crowded, and having people move out of your path so you could have an easier time getting through the airport. He made learning how to fart sound inspirational too. He talked about gas inducing foods and what to eat to make your farts stinkier. He had fart powder recipes and fart generating exercises. There was even a lesson on how to make the gas come out of the sphincter in different pitches.
I couldn’t believe what I was listening to. This guy had some balls to write a sicko book like this. It almost read like a Self Help spoof. He even pushed this book’s boundaries of being nasty and obnoxious by including sample recordings of his own farts and bouts of violent diarrhea. The diarrhea sounds were taking the toilet humor a bit too far for me, and I got grossed out. You hear the bubbling liquid farts and the diarrhea juice spraying into the toilet and everything. Yuck! It made me cringe. This guy is one sick freak.
If he could take the bodily function of farting and twist it into an empowering motivational book, it got me imagining what other sicko books he might have the balls to publish. For example:

THE BEAUTY OF B O
Whether your natural scent is like pickle brine and pencil shavings, or like burritos with double the onions, don’t mask your musk. It’s an essential part of who you are.

And…

CHANGING THE WORLD’S BELIEFS ABOUT QUEEFS
Celebrating women’s gifted ability to fart from two orifices instead of one. Plus five quick and easy ways to get your cooter quacking like a queefing queen.

[deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really awesome book! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teaches me how to fart better, though I have not tried it yet. However, I would recommend it to anybody with a sense of humor

[Robert Marsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me a better person. Gut-busting funny. Looking forward to the Sensorama edition. Till that day, the audio book edition is a must.

[Bizmyth Greystone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic listen

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m sorry for making this book take up space in your feed. Great low brow humor if you need a chuckle.

[Peyton Parr · Rating 5 out of 5]

life changing

[Ben Lucas]

A breath of fresh air. 💨 Cheese cutting edge stuff 🧀. Definitely recommend the audiobook version of this one. Perfect for beginners or advanced level learning.

[Joshua Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good easy read