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The Grasshopper Trap
In this collection of thirty zany stories, spoofing camping, fishing, and other outdoor recreational activities, McManus shares his hilarious wilderness misadventures. From facing an angry bear with an unloaded gun and the folly of running a boat while it’s still on the trailer to not questioning the ingredients found in camp cookout cuisine and the best methods of catching grasshoppers, no one knows how to express Mother Nature’s sense of humor like Patrick F. McManus.
225 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1985
126 people are currently reading
545 people want to read
About the author
Patrick F. McManus
56 books416 followersPatrick F. McManus is an American outdoor humor writer. A humor columnist for Outdoor Life and other magazines, his columns have been collected in several books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews
March 11, 2018
A laugh a minute. No, make that two a minute.
August 28, 2022
10 out of 10 would do again. These stories remind me of my childhood and our trekking through the woods, fishin', and camping. I loved every second of reading these stories and I will share a secret with you folks who still hold yourself disbelieving. This shit happens all the time. No joke. This was my life growing up and happening upon this author via my grandpa has been a tremendous joy. My grandpa passed away in 2010 and I wish I had read McManus earlier to discuss these tales with him. I highly recommend McManus anytime you are in need of a laugh. He is sure to hit your giggle button.
There it is and there you have it.
There it is and there you have it.
February 25, 2021
PFMcM's wit is once again on display, and he keeps (kept, really, at this point since it's nigh on 40 years old) things fresh by changing up from straight storytelling with a few letter style or advice column formats.
October 24, 2016
Third in my collection of four books by Mr. McManus, humor columnist for outdoor magazines. His pieces are short and pithy and mostly entail being a very incompetent, though enthusiastic, outdoorsman, to the longsuffering chagrin of wife Bun, and with his pals Retch Sweeny and Crazy Eddie Muldoon, mentored by the craggy Rancid Crabtree. The stories range from the “author’s” childhood in which he and Crazy Eddie get into situations which unintentionally involve Eddie’s father, to adulthood in which near-death experiences due to poor preparation and a striking inability to learn from experience are tossed off as mere hiccups in life’s journey.
My favorites of this collection are: “The Hunker is Not a Squat,” in which the author surmises that international tensions would be more efficiently resolved if only the parties would just hunker down around a campfire; “The Hunting Lesson,” in which the mortification of attempting to teach a dyed-in-the-wool nonhunter how to hunt is chronicled; and the title story, in which the above mentioned Mr. Crabtree comes up with a Rube Goldberg-ish concoction in which a vehicle is fitted with a seat on a fender into which is strapped a hapless companion holding a butterfly net on a long handle and the vehicle is driven through an area in which grasshoppers are plentiful, thereby making for free bait and a possible lucrative business in said bait (the “author” is the child driver who can barely see over the dashboard0. Fun, easy read, stories are short, all make ya chuckle, some make ya hoot. Four stars.
My favorites of this collection are: “The Hunker is Not a Squat,” in which the author surmises that international tensions would be more efficiently resolved if only the parties would just hunker down around a campfire; “The Hunting Lesson,” in which the mortification of attempting to teach a dyed-in-the-wool nonhunter how to hunt is chronicled; and the title story, in which the above mentioned Mr. Crabtree comes up with a Rube Goldberg-ish concoction in which a vehicle is fitted with a seat on a fender into which is strapped a hapless companion holding a butterfly net on a long handle and the vehicle is driven through an area in which grasshoppers are plentiful, thereby making for free bait and a possible lucrative business in said bait (the “author” is the child driver who can barely see over the dashboard0. Fun, easy read, stories are short, all make ya chuckle, some make ya hoot. Four stars.
December 24, 2020
"The best-selling author Patrick F. McManus is at it again with his hilarious flair for snubbing the sublime and immortalizing the ridiculous in these tales celebrating life in the Great Outdoors. As many of his loyal fans have discovered, you don't even have to be a nature lover to love his uproarious stories about fishing, hunting, and camping -- and the countless zany pursuits in between. This book's wacky chapters not only reveal the secret art of constructing a grasshopper trap and the countless uses of a skunk ladder, but also why wives on Christmas mourn, and why you should never cry snake. And once again, McManus's smelly sidekicks Retch Sweeney and the old woodsman Rancid Crabtree play their parts in these crazy woodland misadventures. the man who has been compared to Benchley, Buchwald, and Bombeck -- not to mention S.J. Perelman and Mark Twain -- is back, cleverly exposing human foibles and celebrating the pains and pleasures of the natural world."
~~back cover
I'll regale you with a couple of the more hysterical bits from this book, so you can judge for yourself.
"The type of fall I hate most is the one-legger. This is where one leg shoots down a beaver hole or an empty post-hole all the way up to the confluence of your anatomy."
The author & his boyhood friend Eddie decided to have an all night sleep out in his backyard, "but our efforts had always been thwarted by the elements -- torrential darkness being the most frequent. So far, our best time had been 9:30. But Eddie had recently discovered a secret weapon: his father's powerful, six-battery flashlight. We would simply leave the flashlight on all night ...
'The disaster resulting from this innocent plan cannot be properly understood without knowing the exact sequence of events, which is as follows:
7:30 p.m.: Crazy Eddie and I haul a quilt, a blanket, and two pillows out to our tent and make our bed.
8:00 p.m.: We crawl under the quilt and lie there looking at the stars through the roof of out tent. We have routinely checked the laces on our tennis shoes for tightness. Kids we know have thrown a shoe coming out of the starting blocks on their way into the house on a dark night. The loss of traction on one side has caused them to waste precious second running in a circle.
9:00 p.m.: The condition known as 'pitch dark' has been achieved. Crazy Eddie flips on the powerful flashlight. The beam shoots out through our tent and illuminates the countryside for a hundred yards. It seems adequate. Eddie and I exchange smiles of confidence.
10:00 p.m.: Mrs. Muldoon turns off the house lights and goes to bed. Only the feeble porch light remains on. A sense of apprehension fills the gunnysack tent. The beam of the flashlight has weakened.
10:15 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon gets in his car and begins the long drive home. He turns on the radio to listen to country-western music.
11:00 p.m.: The power of the flashlight has diminished to that of a firefly. The porch light provides some illumination. A dark shadow passes over the tent. Eddie and I dig starting blocks with the heels of our tennis shoes through the floor of the tent.
11:05 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon flicks the radio dial to 'The Creaking Door.' Tonight's program is about a mummy that tracks down and takes revenge on an archaeologist for disturbing its tomb. Mr. Mulldoon shudders at the dry, rustling sound of the mummy's loose wrappings as they drag across the floor. The mummy says, 'Urrr-uh! Urrr-uh!' which may not be all the articulate, but is pretty good for a mummy.
11:25 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon pulls into his driveway. On the radio, the archaeologist is screaming, 'No! No! Stay away from meeeee!' Then there's the sound of wrappings scraping across the floor. 'Urrr-uh,' says the mummy, 'Urrr-uh!' Mr. Muldoon shuts off the radio, gets out of the car, and heads for the house. Then he goes back and shuts off the car lights. The wind rustles in the bushes. Mr. Muldoon rushes into the house and turns on the lights.
Eddie and I have heard Mr. Muldoon drive in. Our flashlight is now dead. Our tennis shoes are dug into the starting blocks, but now we must wait for Mr. Muldoon to go to bed. Otherwise he will tease us unmercifully. Outside, there is a strange rustling sound, coming closer and closer. It's a good thing we haven't heard the mummy program.
11:35 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon shuts off the kitchen light and the porch light. He has no reason to expect his son and me to be outside after 9:30. He goes into the bathroom to take a shower, still thinking about the mummy.
11:45 p.m.: The rustling around the tent has increased. Eddie is fumbling with the knots on the door, but can't untie them in the dark. In a few minutes, Mr. Muldoon will be in bed asleep.
11:46 p.m.: Eddie's dog, Oscar, returns from a date at a neighboring farm and slumps down exhausted on the porch. Oscar has no reason to expect Eddie and me to be outside after 9:30.
11:50 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon thinks he detects a sore throat coming on. He walks into the darkened kitchen, pours some salt into a glass of hot water, and begins to gargle. He is wearing only a towel, wrapped around his middle.
11:50:30 p.m.: Eddie groans, 'I can't get these dang knots untied in the dark. Let's go inside. We can take the tent off in there.' A shadow passes over the tent, accompanied by a rustling sound to our rear. We shove our feet through the burlap floor and, hugging the tent around us, hit the starting blocks.
11:50:31 p.m.: On the porch, Oscar opens his bleary eyes. A large, amorphous shape is charging him! Almost on top of him! Probably going to eat him! He tries to bark but has momentarily swallowed his tongue. 'Urrr-uh!' he growls. 'Urrr-uh!'
11:50:32 p.m.: Eddie and I crash through the door into the kitchen. Instantly we hear a horrible sound. We don't know what it is, never before having heard a naked man surprised in mid-gargle by a gunnysack tent. Oscar follows us into the house, still trying to bark. 'URRR-UH! URRR-UH!' Water splashes on the floor and there is the sound of naked feet frantically trying to get traction on slippery linoleum.
'Gargle, gargle, choke!' cries Mr. Muldoon. 'St-stay--hack, gargle--away--choke-- from meeeeee!'
We didn't get the mess all sorted out and reconstructed until the next morning."
If that didn't have you laughing hysterically, don't read this book.
~~back cover
I'll regale you with a couple of the more hysterical bits from this book, so you can judge for yourself.
"The type of fall I hate most is the one-legger. This is where one leg shoots down a beaver hole or an empty post-hole all the way up to the confluence of your anatomy."
The author & his boyhood friend Eddie decided to have an all night sleep out in his backyard, "but our efforts had always been thwarted by the elements -- torrential darkness being the most frequent. So far, our best time had been 9:30. But Eddie had recently discovered a secret weapon: his father's powerful, six-battery flashlight. We would simply leave the flashlight on all night ...
'The disaster resulting from this innocent plan cannot be properly understood without knowing the exact sequence of events, which is as follows:
7:30 p.m.: Crazy Eddie and I haul a quilt, a blanket, and two pillows out to our tent and make our bed.
8:00 p.m.: We crawl under the quilt and lie there looking at the stars through the roof of out tent. We have routinely checked the laces on our tennis shoes for tightness. Kids we know have thrown a shoe coming out of the starting blocks on their way into the house on a dark night. The loss of traction on one side has caused them to waste precious second running in a circle.
9:00 p.m.: The condition known as 'pitch dark' has been achieved. Crazy Eddie flips on the powerful flashlight. The beam shoots out through our tent and illuminates the countryside for a hundred yards. It seems adequate. Eddie and I exchange smiles of confidence.
10:00 p.m.: Mrs. Muldoon turns off the house lights and goes to bed. Only the feeble porch light remains on. A sense of apprehension fills the gunnysack tent. The beam of the flashlight has weakened.
10:15 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon gets in his car and begins the long drive home. He turns on the radio to listen to country-western music.
11:00 p.m.: The power of the flashlight has diminished to that of a firefly. The porch light provides some illumination. A dark shadow passes over the tent. Eddie and I dig starting blocks with the heels of our tennis shoes through the floor of the tent.
11:05 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon flicks the radio dial to 'The Creaking Door.' Tonight's program is about a mummy that tracks down and takes revenge on an archaeologist for disturbing its tomb. Mr. Mulldoon shudders at the dry, rustling sound of the mummy's loose wrappings as they drag across the floor. The mummy says, 'Urrr-uh! Urrr-uh!' which may not be all the articulate, but is pretty good for a mummy.
11:25 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon pulls into his driveway. On the radio, the archaeologist is screaming, 'No! No! Stay away from meeeee!' Then there's the sound of wrappings scraping across the floor. 'Urrr-uh,' says the mummy, 'Urrr-uh!' Mr. Muldoon shuts off the radio, gets out of the car, and heads for the house. Then he goes back and shuts off the car lights. The wind rustles in the bushes. Mr. Muldoon rushes into the house and turns on the lights.
Eddie and I have heard Mr. Muldoon drive in. Our flashlight is now dead. Our tennis shoes are dug into the starting blocks, but now we must wait for Mr. Muldoon to go to bed. Otherwise he will tease us unmercifully. Outside, there is a strange rustling sound, coming closer and closer. It's a good thing we haven't heard the mummy program.
11:35 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon shuts off the kitchen light and the porch light. He has no reason to expect his son and me to be outside after 9:30. He goes into the bathroom to take a shower, still thinking about the mummy.
11:45 p.m.: The rustling around the tent has increased. Eddie is fumbling with the knots on the door, but can't untie them in the dark. In a few minutes, Mr. Muldoon will be in bed asleep.
11:46 p.m.: Eddie's dog, Oscar, returns from a date at a neighboring farm and slumps down exhausted on the porch. Oscar has no reason to expect Eddie and me to be outside after 9:30.
11:50 p.m.: Mr. Muldoon thinks he detects a sore throat coming on. He walks into the darkened kitchen, pours some salt into a glass of hot water, and begins to gargle. He is wearing only a towel, wrapped around his middle.
11:50:30 p.m.: Eddie groans, 'I can't get these dang knots untied in the dark. Let's go inside. We can take the tent off in there.' A shadow passes over the tent, accompanied by a rustling sound to our rear. We shove our feet through the burlap floor and, hugging the tent around us, hit the starting blocks.
11:50:31 p.m.: On the porch, Oscar opens his bleary eyes. A large, amorphous shape is charging him! Almost on top of him! Probably going to eat him! He tries to bark but has momentarily swallowed his tongue. 'Urrr-uh!' he growls. 'Urrr-uh!'
11:50:32 p.m.: Eddie and I crash through the door into the kitchen. Instantly we hear a horrible sound. We don't know what it is, never before having heard a naked man surprised in mid-gargle by a gunnysack tent. Oscar follows us into the house, still trying to bark. 'URRR-UH! URRR-UH!' Water splashes on the floor and there is the sound of naked feet frantically trying to get traction on slippery linoleum.
'Gargle, gargle, choke!' cries Mr. Muldoon. 'St-stay--hack, gargle--away--choke-- from meeeeee!'
We didn't get the mess all sorted out and reconstructed until the next morning."
If that didn't have you laughing hysterically, don't read this book.
January 29, 2021
My Rating: 3 outrageous hunting and fishing stories
Patrick F. McManus was a hilarious outdoor writer. I have read several of his stories years ago and listening to the audio book was a lot of fun. The Brazilian fishing trip was really funny.
Patrick F. McManus was a hilarious outdoor writer. I have read several of his stories years ago and listening to the audio book was a lot of fun. The Brazilian fishing trip was really funny.
November 25, 2024
I really enjoyed this book. At the time that I started reading this, I was recovering from my attempt at reading American Psycho and I needed something not terrifying, horrific, and gruesome. My mom recommended and gave me two books from Patrick McManus.
After reading this, I can safely say that I have never read a book like this before. It was so wholeheartedly funny, so thoroughly relatable, and as a result so unique. I don't think I've read much humor before, but I will certainly read more McManus books after this.
After reading this, I can safely say that I have never read a book like this before. It was so wholeheartedly funny, so thoroughly relatable, and as a result so unique. I don't think I've read much humor before, but I will certainly read more McManus books after this.
February 28, 2016
This was recommended by a co-worker who doesn't read much. He admitted that he only liked a couple stories in the mix and I have to agree with him. I enjoyed the stories about the skunk in the hole, and the titular grasshopper trap. Most though I found to be shorts about the stupid things some men tend to do.
Meh.
Meh.
October 12, 2008
This book had me laughing out loud at a few points. It is a collection of short stories so I was able to read one or two at a time on my break at work. Of course, I think people wondered why I was laughing to myself, but...
March 18, 2020
Another McManus classic. Also read in 2016.
November 16, 2020
How rare: a humor book that can be really funny. This is one of the many classics of the outdoor short stories genre that Patrick F. McManus became so well-known for.
Like many humor books, it has its ups and downs. But its ups are very funny. For me, the best chapters are the ones which don’t feature a specific story, but rather McManus’ observations about some aspects of everyday outdoor life, such as the nonsense of trailer vehicles, the first pocketknife of every kid or the tricks that allow you to sneak into the house a growing collection of guns without your wife becoming aware of it.
Whether cleverly analyzing issues like the ones above or simply telling his stories from the outdoors or from his childhood, McManus has that self-deprecating humor only you or one of your uncles could replicate. In a world full of memes and Tik Tok videos, it’s delightful to be able to laugh and entertain oneself with solely a writing medium like this one. This is also a nice and intelligent diversion for those who are caught up reading too many serious nonfiction books like me, and want a small break for a change.
Like many humor books, it has its ups and downs. But its ups are very funny. For me, the best chapters are the ones which don’t feature a specific story, but rather McManus’ observations about some aspects of everyday outdoor life, such as the nonsense of trailer vehicles, the first pocketknife of every kid or the tricks that allow you to sneak into the house a growing collection of guns without your wife becoming aware of it.
Whether cleverly analyzing issues like the ones above or simply telling his stories from the outdoors or from his childhood, McManus has that self-deprecating humor only you or one of your uncles could replicate. In a world full of memes and Tik Tok videos, it’s delightful to be able to laugh and entertain oneself with solely a writing medium like this one. This is also a nice and intelligent diversion for those who are caught up reading too many serious nonfiction books like me, and want a small break for a change.
July 9, 2023
McManus kept my attention in the sense that I couldn't wait to find out what fishing, camping, or hunting disaster would occur next from his first person account of these activities. And I couldn't look away from the continuous snafus. His short stories get you quickly immersed in that culture of men out in nature, while simultaneously making fun of it all. I liked his brand of humor -- naughty and playful. I got some glimpses into a world that I don't enter, like an outsider looking in, but I felt totally welcome by the author's invitation to laugh at him and all his friends despite me being a complete novice in that world. Really cool and funny approach to storytelling, along with some comedic anthropology of outdoorsmen.
March 14, 2020
I have really enjoyed reading Patrick McManus books. I listened to this one on Audible and I highly recommend that. Norman Dietz does an amazing job with the character voices. I think some of McManus's best stories are in this one. Some of my favorites include the Skunk Ladder, The Human Fuel Pump, The Grasshopper Trap, and First Knife. Anybody who has ever used a trailer will laugh at Trailer Trials. And I laughed so hard listening to Mean Tents and Bad Company that I almost had to stop the car! Even if you are not a fan of the outdoors, these stories will bring a smile to your face, and sometimes make you laugh out loud.
March 21, 2017
Another delightful selection of stories about topics in which I have little or no interest - huntin', fishin', and outdoor stuff. He says nothing about digging for beryl crystals, so I guess it's up to me to write about that. Unfortunately, it seems all I can do is relate the bare facts whereas McManus's ability to embroider borders on genius. All the regulars are here: Rancid Crabtree, Retch Sweeney, and McManus's long-suffering wife Bun. He even tries on some Hemingway style (at least for the first sentence or so) to tell the tale of the Old Man and the fishing expedition to Brazil. I know I'd scream like a girl (easy for me) if I stepped on a frog on the way to the bathroom at night, but when a grown man and president of a travel agency wakes the whole camp in that scenario and in McManus's deadpan - it's snortingly hilarious. Having stepped on many a catnip mouse at night, I can easily picture it.
October 16, 2018
I listened to (almost all of) this book at the recommendation of a dear friend. I chuckled a few times and my wife listened to a couple bits with me. I can't say I hated the book. I'm thinking it just might be this time in my life that I am not appreciating this type of humor. I really enjoyed the Red Green show, but lately I seem to be relating more to the tragedies and less of the comedies. So take my rating and review with a grain of salt...
July 18, 2020
McManus was recommended by a friend. The author has extensive experience as an outdoorsman, as a writer, and has a great sense of humor. His column-length articles cover a wide gamut of adventures. It's definitely lightweight stuff, certainly pleasant reading to fill some time with, particularly if you enjoy fishing, hunting, and camping. (These are not pursuits that I seek myself. My outdoor activity is limited to long-distance running.) YMMV.
June 1, 2020
Patrick McManus writes about what he knows and that is hunting, fishing and humor. I don't hunt
but I am married to a hunter and got a kick out of all his stories. I think men AND women would like this book, especially if you are the red neck, outdoorsy type. It is a quick read with 214 pages and laugh out loud moments.
but I am married to a hunter and got a kick out of all his stories. I think men AND women would like this book, especially if you are the red neck, outdoorsy type. It is a quick read with 214 pages and laugh out loud moments.
October 1, 2022
OMG! I loved this book. A series of short essays that are hysterical. I have no clue why I picked up this book, for it is about hunting and fishing. Do I give a shit about either sport, no. He is so irreverent, sarcastic, and dry with his humor, it is right down my alley. I highly recommend it. Why it took me so long to read it is because I read portions of it between other books.
February 1, 2024
When you read one of McManus's books you just HAVE to laugh right out loud! And sometimes I get that nostalgic feeling because I remember some great experience I have had in the great outdoors that brings me some warm fuzzies.
McManus just has that way of weaving a story that you can't put it down.
McManus just has that way of weaving a story that you can't put it down.
April 15, 2025
As good now as when I was a kid
Many years ago, in the 1900s, I listened to many of the Pat McManus books on cassette tapes that my mother brought home from the library. I would laugh so hard I cried, and reading this now, some 30 years later, I can both still hear the voice of the narrator in my mind and still laugh so hard I cried. 500 stars.
Many years ago, in the 1900s, I listened to many of the Pat McManus books on cassette tapes that my mother brought home from the library. I would laugh so hard I cried, and reading this now, some 30 years later, I can both still hear the voice of the narrator in my mind and still laugh so hard I cried. 500 stars.
June 8, 2017
My husband and I read this one together too. It's a Patrick McManus book. Funny to anyone who has experience or interest or family history in the outdoors. Someday though I want a Crazy Eddie anthology.
April 14, 2020
So good for a cheesy laugh. I think I really do appreciate his stories when he’s younger because it just cracks me up how “smart” little boys were back then.
But the “Letters from Camp” and “Bad Company” might be my faves.
But the “Letters from Camp” and “Bad Company” might be my faves.
January 28, 2022
A fun collection of humorous stories made up of hyperbolic childhood and outdoorsman adventures. If you want a book to get lost in, this is not it, but it was good for a few chuckles. Ideal for getting cheered up without getting invested in a story.
July 10, 2025
Not my usual literary fare, but having grown up in a hunting family and hunted myself as a teen, I found it very relatable. The narrator of the audiobook version did a great job, and he definitely had my son (who has never hunted but is still a country kid) and I in stitches at times.
August 12, 2025
I fondly remember my dad reading these and crying from laughing so hard. I didn't cry, but a few stories made me laugh out loud and I want my husband to read those chapters.
Clean and humorous outdoor stories. Not all great for kids.
Clean and humorous outdoor stories. Not all great for kids.
July 20, 2017
Audiobook performed by Norman Dietz
December 28, 2018
Sometimes this book was difficult to read because I was laughing so hard. McManus' genius storytelling combined both the plausible with the absurd.
April 18, 2019
This book is hilarious. I don’t fish or hunt, but the stories are funny and relatable-ish. Like a true outdoorsman, he enjoys over-exaggerating some incidents, but it’s necessary to make it funnier.
November 11, 2019
Didnt care for it. It reminded me of a stand up comedy routine. I never finished reading it.
December 12, 2019
soooo funny!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews