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Connected: What Remains as We All Change
CONNECTED: What Remains As We All Change? A Wising Up Anthology Heather Tosteson and Charles D. Brockett, Editors We talk about the need to connect intimately, but do we recognize connection when it's here or only in retrospect? Is a feeling of connection something we can will into being-or something that, like grace, surprises us when we least expect it? Does it bear any relation to what we imagined it would be? What, if anything, does it have to do with love? With time's continuousness and mutability? With our own? In this anthology, thirty-two talented writers invite us to explore with them, through story, memoir, and poetry, what remains as we all change-within families, between friends, between lovers, through childhood, adolescence, adulthood, career change, gender change, marriage, parenthood, divorce, illness, disability, and death. The writing here is strikingly mature-and lively-whether the writer is nineteen or ninety. Join, among others, a father wryly observing his grown son, wondering what links them both to the child he will never be again; a man cherishing his tie with an institutionalized brother; a woman exploring the complex, formative cross-racial bond she had with a childhood caretaker; women, friends since childhood, exploring what connects them now that their paths have diverged so greatly; a man with a severely disabled son puzzling the bonds he still has with his ex-wife; a wife of fifty years warily contemplating the advisability of an eternal marriage. CONTRIBUTORS: Cassandra J. Angelo, Pamela Arlov, Annabelle Baptista-Baumann, Gabriella Brand, Mark Brazaitis, William Cass, Susan K Chernilo, Carol V. Davis, Maureen Tolman Flannery, Judith Gille, Annette Van Veen Gippe, Janet Lunder Hanafin, Stephanie Hart, Suzanne Herman, Paul Hostovsky, Margaret Karmazin, Mitch Kellaway, J.S. Kierland, Sharon Leder, Lori Levy, Jane Miller, Felicia Mitchell, Carlos Reyes, Blanche Rosloff, Andrea Ross, Frank Salvidio, Maxine Silverman, J.J. Steinfeld, Mark Tarallo, Milton Teichman, Hannah Thomassen, James Vescovi.
272 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2013
219 people want to read
About the author
Heather Tosteson
45 books31 followersHEATHER TOSTESON, a fiction writer, poet and visual artist, is the author most recently of the poetry collection, Source Notes: Seventh Decade. She is also the author of the novels The Philosophical Transactions of Maria van Leeuwenhoek, Antoni's Dochter (1668-1696), which explores questions of sexual generation. She is also the author of the novel Visible Signs, and two collections of short stories, Germs of Truth and Hearts as Big as Fists & Other Stories. Her other two books of poetry are The Sanctity of the Moment: Poems from Four Decades, and Breathing in Portuguese, Living in English.
She is also the author and co-author of two non-fiction Wising Up Listening projects, most recently Sharing the Burden of Repair: Reentry After Mass Incarceration which looks at reentry from multiple perspectives. God Speaks My Language, Can You? explores spiritual journeys across many faith traditions.
She has co-edited and illustrated seventeen Wising Up anthologies, including most recently Flip Sides, Goodness, and Re-Creating Our Common Chord.
She has received a Nation/Discovery prize for her poetry and fellowships for poetry, fiction, and photography from MacDowell, Yaddo, VCCA and Hambidge. She holds an M.F.A. in Creative Writing (UNC-Greensboro) and Ph.D. in English and Creative Writing (Ohio University). She has worked extensively in the public health and the health sciences as a writer, editor, and researcher. She is the founder, with Charles Brockett, of Wising Up Press and the Wising Up Press Writers Collective.
She is also the author and co-author of two non-fiction Wising Up Listening projects, most recently Sharing the Burden of Repair: Reentry After Mass Incarceration which looks at reentry from multiple perspectives. God Speaks My Language, Can You? explores spiritual journeys across many faith traditions.
She has co-edited and illustrated seventeen Wising Up anthologies, including most recently Flip Sides, Goodness, and Re-Creating Our Common Chord.
She has received a Nation/Discovery prize for her poetry and fellowships for poetry, fiction, and photography from MacDowell, Yaddo, VCCA and Hambidge. She holds an M.F.A. in Creative Writing (UNC-Greensboro) and Ph.D. in English and Creative Writing (Ohio University). She has worked extensively in the public health and the health sciences as a writer, editor, and researcher. She is the founder, with Charles Brockett, of Wising Up Press and the Wising Up Press Writers Collective.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
March 9, 2014
Connected: What Remains As We All Change. Edited by Heather Tosteson & Charles Brockett. Pp. 259. Wising Up Press (2013).
Thirty two authors in this extraordinary anthology of poems, memoirs, and stories, write about relationships in a variety of life situations. What remains in situations that are in flux and often turbulent is some sense of connection. As explained in the introduction, the notion of connection expressed in the writers’ works does not necessarily mean closeness or something longed for, or even “willed into being.” It is simply there, a “fait accompli.” Connectedness may persist over time, across varied circumstances, and among people from differing backgrounds and life experiences. This theme is interwoven throughout these works in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
This impressive collection is divided into three sections: Family, Friends, and Intimates in which profound truths, loss, longing, love, regret, joy, and sorrow are expressed by the writers. Here are some brief examples.
In the Family section of the anthology, Paul Hostovsky has written poems about the loss of a child who has grown-up and bears little or no resemblance to the child left behind.
For instance, in “Daylight” the narrator faces the realization that as his son grows older, he too is growing older and can’t turn back the clock of time. In his dream his grown son becomes a toddler again much like the change to daylight savings time:
“....like a time change in the spring when there’s more time and there’s more light, and it feels like the world is growing young again, though really it’s just as old as ever, and growing older, and darker all the time.”
Through all of these changes, there is a felt connection between a father and his son.
In J.J. Steinfeld’s story, “A Brother’s Love,” the narrator describes his feelings for his older brother, Barton, who has been institutionalized for thirty-five years. He mourns the loss of the old familiar “howls, grunts, and roars,” (Barton has never uttered a single word.) and the head banging which he heard as a child before his brother was “put away” by his parents. The narrator feels a persistent connection with his brother and sadness that he will never experience the ordinary mundane world that we all take for granted. He exclaims:
“Over the last thirty-five years, an escorted trip around the hospital grounds for Barton is probably the equivalent of a space journey. My brother has never been in love, never earned any money, never driven a car, never even taken himself for a walk down a city street.”
Profound and conflicting truths about family members or surrogates after they are gone, are expressed in the poems by Hannah Thomassen in “Elegy For My Mother,” and by Maxine Silverman in “The one Story We Tell,” and in the “Helen Poems.”
These conflicting truths are so poignant in Sharon Leder’s story, “Two Fathers, 1955,” in which Sara, an eight-year-old girl struggles to figure out who her real father is. Is he the “good father” who works hard, brings home goodies for the children, is “full of smiles,” and takes them places, or is he the father who “shriveled before her eyes into a crazy person crawling on the floor collecting dollar bills, a bum rummaging through garbage” to feed his heroin addiction? What sort of connection can Sara maintain with her father? In her frightening dream about her two fathers, she is filled with confusion and dread.
In the next section, Friends, a sense of connection that is embodied in friendships that endure throughout the years and across disparate situations is depicted.
In spite of social class and cultural differences, Judith Gille, experiences a connection with Gracia, her Mexican neighbor. “In Gracia’s Kitchen,” she writes, “In the years that followed, she and I discovered how much we had in common….And like so many of my relationships with women, Gracia’s and mine is not only built on the affection we feel for each other, but also for each other’s kids.” Gille shared experiences with the women who congregated in Gracia’s kitchen every day and learned about herself and about love without having to travel far, just the “twenty-seven steps across a tiny alleyway for me to learn that the true voyage of self-discovery is an internal, not an external journey.” She continues, “The real work of learning to love and accept one’s self doesn’t require exotic landscapes, breathtaking views, or creating a new life in a distant land. My friend Gracia taught me that.”
The narrator in Mark Tarallo’s story, “Last Summer,” is transported to a time long ago when he visits the old house and neighborhood where he spent his childhood. He reminisces about the escapades and adventures in which he and his friends engaged. These memories strengthen the ties he has with his old childhood friends.
Annabelle Baptista-Baumann in her story, “The Hard Shoulder,” writes about two women who were friends growing up, then took divergent paths in their lives. One woman remained in the small low-income tract house, while the other woman moved away and climbed to a higher social status. Mia comes to visit Anna, the woman left behind, and discovers that although reuniting with her old friend was not easy at first, due to the separation and changes in their life experiences, when “she was with Anna, ….everything seemed possible. She was no longer a puppet, she had purpose, and she was independent. Anna made her feel like she wasn’t numb.”
The final section centers around intimate partnerships, which may be variously characterized by grief, loss, tension, disappointment, hope and joy. Although the ties within the relationships change, a palpable connection still seems to exist as revealed in this segment of the collection.
William Cass in “Truth Is,” writes about a relationship that revolves around a divorced couple’s severely disabled son, Sam. The father in this story is very devoted to his son and misses him when it is his former wife’s turn to care for him. The father still loves and longs for his wife, although she has remarried. The connection that remains between the couple is created by the mutual care of their son through a shared custody arrangement. He says:
“As trite as it sounds, the truth is I don’t know how you stop loving someone you love. For me, it would be like suddenly trying not to love Sam: impossible. The truth is I don’t know how that works, and in spite of everything that has transpired, I’m not sure I ever will.”
The next story, “Need Somebody To Love,” by Felicia Mitchell, is about a woman who falls seriously ill with cancer and expects that she will die before her lover does--that he will be there for her when she is dying. Instead, he dies first and she experiences a profound loss.
“I was the one who was supposed to die, or not die. I was the one who was sick, her hair falling out, her breast excised, her cells multiplying fast the way time flies and wrinkles in time. Even before it was my turn, I wanted to be the first to die. I wanted to die in his arms. I wanted to be his memory.”
She comes to terms with her lover’s death by regarding him as “The ghost I love.”
“I felt joy when he touched me then, as if his touch could heal as surely as drugs or radiation could heal, and the memory of that joy keeps my body alight with a passion that no mortal man will ever understand.”
Mitch Kellaway in his story, “Touch,” describes how two women in a lesbian relationship experience gender reassignment together when one of the lovers transitions from a woman to a man. The story reveals how closely connected the couple remain throughout the process. The transgendered man’s partner is very supportive and when she strokes her lover’s chin which is sprouting hair and hopefully growing into a goatee, he feels reassured:
“The gesture was simple, affirming; it disarmed the last of my doubts. It spoke more than words alone about how little my manhood had unbalanced our relationship, how much transition was an accepted part of me, and therefore of her too.”
In his story, “Influence,” Milton Teichman describes the tension, frustration, and pain that exist between Debra and David as Debra struggles to embark on a new career path. David continues to be loving and supportive throughout Debra’s trials and mood changes, but her fear of being dependent on David, threatens their relationship. She says:
“I don’t want to need you so much, David. I want to be able to walk away….”
“Has it occurred to you that I need you?” David asked. There followed a heavy silence and then she said, “I can’t bear the inequality between us now.”
David experiences a mix of painful emotions while his love for Debra persists.
Reading this anthology has been a real treat for me. The stories, poems, and memoirs are not only captivating, but they are beautifully crafted. I felt fully engaged with this collection of disparate works. Although the subject matter is often complex, the writing is not obscure. On the contrary, it is quite accessible and easy to relate to. I think what impressed me most of all was the writers’ courage and willingness to grapple with emotionally difficult subjects. These are serious pieces written with sincerity and integrity.
Even though most of the characters in these stories, poems, and memoirs are probably fifty years or older, this collection transcends age; adults of virtually any age would find it interesting and quite relevant. This anthology is suitable in a variety of venues, namely: book groups, support groups, adult learning centers, creative writing classes and workshops, literature classes, courses in psychology, sociology, the family, women studies, gender studies, social psychology, and cultural anthropology.
Review written by
Elaine Feder-Alford, Ph.D.
Retired Sociology Professor and writer
Thirty two authors in this extraordinary anthology of poems, memoirs, and stories, write about relationships in a variety of life situations. What remains in situations that are in flux and often turbulent is some sense of connection. As explained in the introduction, the notion of connection expressed in the writers’ works does not necessarily mean closeness or something longed for, or even “willed into being.” It is simply there, a “fait accompli.” Connectedness may persist over time, across varied circumstances, and among people from differing backgrounds and life experiences. This theme is interwoven throughout these works in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
This impressive collection is divided into three sections: Family, Friends, and Intimates in which profound truths, loss, longing, love, regret, joy, and sorrow are expressed by the writers. Here are some brief examples.
In the Family section of the anthology, Paul Hostovsky has written poems about the loss of a child who has grown-up and bears little or no resemblance to the child left behind.
For instance, in “Daylight” the narrator faces the realization that as his son grows older, he too is growing older and can’t turn back the clock of time. In his dream his grown son becomes a toddler again much like the change to daylight savings time:
“....like a time change in the spring when there’s more time and there’s more light, and it feels like the world is growing young again, though really it’s just as old as ever, and growing older, and darker all the time.”
Through all of these changes, there is a felt connection between a father and his son.
In J.J. Steinfeld’s story, “A Brother’s Love,” the narrator describes his feelings for his older brother, Barton, who has been institutionalized for thirty-five years. He mourns the loss of the old familiar “howls, grunts, and roars,” (Barton has never uttered a single word.) and the head banging which he heard as a child before his brother was “put away” by his parents. The narrator feels a persistent connection with his brother and sadness that he will never experience the ordinary mundane world that we all take for granted. He exclaims:
“Over the last thirty-five years, an escorted trip around the hospital grounds for Barton is probably the equivalent of a space journey. My brother has never been in love, never earned any money, never driven a car, never even taken himself for a walk down a city street.”
Profound and conflicting truths about family members or surrogates after they are gone, are expressed in the poems by Hannah Thomassen in “Elegy For My Mother,” and by Maxine Silverman in “The one Story We Tell,” and in the “Helen Poems.”
These conflicting truths are so poignant in Sharon Leder’s story, “Two Fathers, 1955,” in which Sara, an eight-year-old girl struggles to figure out who her real father is. Is he the “good father” who works hard, brings home goodies for the children, is “full of smiles,” and takes them places, or is he the father who “shriveled before her eyes into a crazy person crawling on the floor collecting dollar bills, a bum rummaging through garbage” to feed his heroin addiction? What sort of connection can Sara maintain with her father? In her frightening dream about her two fathers, she is filled with confusion and dread.
In the next section, Friends, a sense of connection that is embodied in friendships that endure throughout the years and across disparate situations is depicted.
In spite of social class and cultural differences, Judith Gille, experiences a connection with Gracia, her Mexican neighbor. “In Gracia’s Kitchen,” she writes, “In the years that followed, she and I discovered how much we had in common….And like so many of my relationships with women, Gracia’s and mine is not only built on the affection we feel for each other, but also for each other’s kids.” Gille shared experiences with the women who congregated in Gracia’s kitchen every day and learned about herself and about love without having to travel far, just the “twenty-seven steps across a tiny alleyway for me to learn that the true voyage of self-discovery is an internal, not an external journey.” She continues, “The real work of learning to love and accept one’s self doesn’t require exotic landscapes, breathtaking views, or creating a new life in a distant land. My friend Gracia taught me that.”
The narrator in Mark Tarallo’s story, “Last Summer,” is transported to a time long ago when he visits the old house and neighborhood where he spent his childhood. He reminisces about the escapades and adventures in which he and his friends engaged. These memories strengthen the ties he has with his old childhood friends.
Annabelle Baptista-Baumann in her story, “The Hard Shoulder,” writes about two women who were friends growing up, then took divergent paths in their lives. One woman remained in the small low-income tract house, while the other woman moved away and climbed to a higher social status. Mia comes to visit Anna, the woman left behind, and discovers that although reuniting with her old friend was not easy at first, due to the separation and changes in their life experiences, when “she was with Anna, ….everything seemed possible. She was no longer a puppet, she had purpose, and she was independent. Anna made her feel like she wasn’t numb.”
The final section centers around intimate partnerships, which may be variously characterized by grief, loss, tension, disappointment, hope and joy. Although the ties within the relationships change, a palpable connection still seems to exist as revealed in this segment of the collection.
William Cass in “Truth Is,” writes about a relationship that revolves around a divorced couple’s severely disabled son, Sam. The father in this story is very devoted to his son and misses him when it is his former wife’s turn to care for him. The father still loves and longs for his wife, although she has remarried. The connection that remains between the couple is created by the mutual care of their son through a shared custody arrangement. He says:
“As trite as it sounds, the truth is I don’t know how you stop loving someone you love. For me, it would be like suddenly trying not to love Sam: impossible. The truth is I don’t know how that works, and in spite of everything that has transpired, I’m not sure I ever will.”
The next story, “Need Somebody To Love,” by Felicia Mitchell, is about a woman who falls seriously ill with cancer and expects that she will die before her lover does--that he will be there for her when she is dying. Instead, he dies first and she experiences a profound loss.
“I was the one who was supposed to die, or not die. I was the one who was sick, her hair falling out, her breast excised, her cells multiplying fast the way time flies and wrinkles in time. Even before it was my turn, I wanted to be the first to die. I wanted to die in his arms. I wanted to be his memory.”
She comes to terms with her lover’s death by regarding him as “The ghost I love.”
“I felt joy when he touched me then, as if his touch could heal as surely as drugs or radiation could heal, and the memory of that joy keeps my body alight with a passion that no mortal man will ever understand.”
Mitch Kellaway in his story, “Touch,” describes how two women in a lesbian relationship experience gender reassignment together when one of the lovers transitions from a woman to a man. The story reveals how closely connected the couple remain throughout the process. The transgendered man’s partner is very supportive and when she strokes her lover’s chin which is sprouting hair and hopefully growing into a goatee, he feels reassured:
“The gesture was simple, affirming; it disarmed the last of my doubts. It spoke more than words alone about how little my manhood had unbalanced our relationship, how much transition was an accepted part of me, and therefore of her too.”
In his story, “Influence,” Milton Teichman describes the tension, frustration, and pain that exist between Debra and David as Debra struggles to embark on a new career path. David continues to be loving and supportive throughout Debra’s trials and mood changes, but her fear of being dependent on David, threatens their relationship. She says:
“I don’t want to need you so much, David. I want to be able to walk away….”
“Has it occurred to you that I need you?” David asked. There followed a heavy silence and then she said, “I can’t bear the inequality between us now.”
David experiences a mix of painful emotions while his love for Debra persists.
Reading this anthology has been a real treat for me. The stories, poems, and memoirs are not only captivating, but they are beautifully crafted. I felt fully engaged with this collection of disparate works. Although the subject matter is often complex, the writing is not obscure. On the contrary, it is quite accessible and easy to relate to. I think what impressed me most of all was the writers’ courage and willingness to grapple with emotionally difficult subjects. These are serious pieces written with sincerity and integrity.
Even though most of the characters in these stories, poems, and memoirs are probably fifty years or older, this collection transcends age; adults of virtually any age would find it interesting and quite relevant. This anthology is suitable in a variety of venues, namely: book groups, support groups, adult learning centers, creative writing classes and workshops, literature classes, courses in psychology, sociology, the family, women studies, gender studies, social psychology, and cultural anthropology.
Review written by
Elaine Feder-Alford, Ph.D.
Retired Sociology Professor and writer
October 5, 2016
What a beautiful collection of poems! Individually most are fantastic even without considering the commonalities woven between them together as a collection.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews