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The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist
'The problem is the small print in my struggle for a divorce; as with everything in my life, it always reads 'subject to my mother's permission.' And since my mother was not going to give me permission to divorce in a hurry, I was relegated to being an armchair divorcee. But Indian parents will never voluntarily give their children permission to get divorced or have a live-in relationship or conceive a child by any means other than Immaculate Conception which, of course, would only take place after the child is married. So I decided, after two years of being separated, to stop waiting for my parents' elusive permission, and to take the initial steps in the painful journey myself. In this process, I was also branded a 'feminist', which in their view is marginally worse than being a terrorist...'
The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist is a profoundly funny chronicle of a young woman's attempt to get divorced as-opposed more by her own parents than her in-laws and her ex-she struggles to explan the flimsy grounds of incompatibility to her disapproving, old-fashioned, middle-class Punjabi family. Warm, humorous, sad and wise, this is a book for everyone who has ever dreaded telling their parents an uncomfortable truth about themselves.
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The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist is a profoundly funny chronicle of a young woman's attempt to get divorced as-opposed more by her own parents than her in-laws and her ex-she struggles to explan the flimsy grounds of incompatibility to her disapproving, old-fashioned, middle-class Punjabi family. Warm, humorous, sad and wise, this is a book for everyone who has ever dreaded telling their parents an uncomfortable truth about themselves.
]>
248 pages, Paperback
First published November 15, 2013
2 people are currently reading
26 people want to read
About the author
Bhavna Bhavna
2 books6 followersBhavna Bhavna is a certified public accountant, a full-time writer, and a mother of two. She is convinced that her life has started resembling a bad Bollywood blockbuster – replete with clichéd dialogue, copious tears and cheesy one-liners – ever since she decided to break away and live life on her own terms. She has come to realize how difficult it is to do this in middle-class India.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
March 22, 2014
A truly Indian & genuinely authentic book which feels just like eating a home cooked meal in a restaurant.. the familiarity, the connection, all the geuine little touches that make it so exclusively "Undivided Middle Class Nation" flavored. The writing style's simple & matter of fact, but it makes the narrative's truth all the more believable. All the characters in the book are so familiar, you can connect to the complexities & helplessness of Baby's character in the midst of all that chaos & web of indirect emotional demands from the other people around her. It's a simple, honest exploration of a woman's journey & changing relationships narrated in a witty, funny & deeply personal way.. a must read to gain some perspective on an Indian woman's life.
March 31, 2014
Amazing and a light-hearted book
It's a MUST READ !!Read it overnight
Humorous and Funny chronicles of a young woman's attempt to get a divorce.
The checklist included in every chapter are just awesome!!
The Die-vorce thing is absolutely hilarious
The book, very carefully written, brings out the discrimination based on gender.
The parent response part is absolutely hilarious!
It gives a true picture of how society reacts to any woman who speaks for herself.
It is one of the best books I've read
incredibly amazing awestrucking remarkable book!!!!
It's a MUST READ !!Read it overnight
Humorous and Funny chronicles of a young woman's attempt to get a divorce.
The checklist included in every chapter are just awesome!!
The Die-vorce thing is absolutely hilarious
The book, very carefully written, brings out the discrimination based on gender.
The parent response part is absolutely hilarious!
It gives a true picture of how society reacts to any woman who speaks for herself.
It is one of the best books I've read
incredibly amazing awestrucking remarkable book!!!!
January 3, 2014
By Bhavna Bhavna. Grade: B
The problem is we’re stuck in a limbo. Between the old and the new. Between Bharat and India. Between the aged and the young. The generation gap is a mile long, with us not approving our parents, and our parents not approving us. And both of us feeling we’re right. The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist echoes this discord that every middle class child brought up watching America and the Evil West feels, especially in every conversation with her family.
The novel(-la), yes you guessed right, is a diary. If I am not wrong, it’s the author’s personal account of her divorce, labelled as fiction to make it less uncomfortable for her friends and family. Bhavna tries to air her grievances against the whole perception of women in the society, the concept of marriage, and more importantly, a woman’s right to die-force (divorce, to be technically correct, but we all know how us Indians find it synonymous with death).
As the blurb promises, she does hit some high notes in her trademark tongue-in-cheek humour, taking us deep into her psyche and making us shift uncomfortably on the couch. Us Indians have some strong notions on how we like our women, who’re invincible but pushovers, tough-as-nails but soft. Yup, all at the same time.
(extract starts)
…I never even thought of checking to see if there was someone else in my husband’s life. I was so busy looking inward and finding new and innovative ways of blaming myself for either failing to be the stoical Mother India of Indian wife (who could fix everything, even her marriage), or the long-suffering Sati Savitri type (who could silently bear all pain with a brave smile) that I didn’t even think that someone else could be partly responsible for the sad state of affairs.
(extract ends)
Bhavna makes a powerful argument, laying the facts straight in her candid, acerbic tone, which stops just a shade short of sounding whiny.
Her husband is ready for the divorce. She is ready for the divorce. One would think that should be enough. But her parents, and the rest of her extended family isn’t, and she discusses the myriad ways this disapproval permeated her daily life.
(extract starts)
It soon became apparent that the general consensus was that as long as I stay married, I was perceived to be ‘good’ and the moment I strayed from the prescribed path and wanted to separate and God-forbid, divorce, I became ‘bad’. With so much stress, panic and desperation to stay in a marriage, I started wondering if I had any value at all without a man in my life. I felt like an object. My feelings, my needs, and my aspirations – nothing seemed important or of any value. In fact, every thought or emotion that didn’t compel me to stay in my marriage was universally belittled and scoffed at.
(extract ends)
All this is what works for it. But what does not work is that this is not a novel. It would have worked better as a Sunday column in the Lifestyle section, or as a long piece in a magazine. Attempts have been made to elongate it, adding unnecessary check-lists and little limericks at the beginning of each chapter but they just add words, not meaning.
Yes, the emotions showcased and thoughts voiced are excellent, and mention-worthy but still not happy with the overall package.
Originally reviewed at Vaultofbooks.com, a close-knit community of fanatical readers. We are looking for perceptive readers who can write well, and we are eager to provide lots of free books in exchange for reviews. Shoot us a mail at contact@vaultofbooks.com
The problem is we’re stuck in a limbo. Between the old and the new. Between Bharat and India. Between the aged and the young. The generation gap is a mile long, with us not approving our parents, and our parents not approving us. And both of us feeling we’re right. The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist echoes this discord that every middle class child brought up watching America and the Evil West feels, especially in every conversation with her family.
The novel(-la), yes you guessed right, is a diary. If I am not wrong, it’s the author’s personal account of her divorce, labelled as fiction to make it less uncomfortable for her friends and family. Bhavna tries to air her grievances against the whole perception of women in the society, the concept of marriage, and more importantly, a woman’s right to die-force (divorce, to be technically correct, but we all know how us Indians find it synonymous with death).
As the blurb promises, she does hit some high notes in her trademark tongue-in-cheek humour, taking us deep into her psyche and making us shift uncomfortably on the couch. Us Indians have some strong notions on how we like our women, who’re invincible but pushovers, tough-as-nails but soft. Yup, all at the same time.
(extract starts)
…I never even thought of checking to see if there was someone else in my husband’s life. I was so busy looking inward and finding new and innovative ways of blaming myself for either failing to be the stoical Mother India of Indian wife (who could fix everything, even her marriage), or the long-suffering Sati Savitri type (who could silently bear all pain with a brave smile) that I didn’t even think that someone else could be partly responsible for the sad state of affairs.
(extract ends)
Bhavna makes a powerful argument, laying the facts straight in her candid, acerbic tone, which stops just a shade short of sounding whiny.
Her husband is ready for the divorce. She is ready for the divorce. One would think that should be enough. But her parents, and the rest of her extended family isn’t, and she discusses the myriad ways this disapproval permeated her daily life.
(extract starts)
It soon became apparent that the general consensus was that as long as I stay married, I was perceived to be ‘good’ and the moment I strayed from the prescribed path and wanted to separate and God-forbid, divorce, I became ‘bad’. With so much stress, panic and desperation to stay in a marriage, I started wondering if I had any value at all without a man in my life. I felt like an object. My feelings, my needs, and my aspirations – nothing seemed important or of any value. In fact, every thought or emotion that didn’t compel me to stay in my marriage was universally belittled and scoffed at.
(extract ends)
All this is what works for it. But what does not work is that this is not a novel. It would have worked better as a Sunday column in the Lifestyle section, or as a long piece in a magazine. Attempts have been made to elongate it, adding unnecessary check-lists and little limericks at the beginning of each chapter but they just add words, not meaning.
Yes, the emotions showcased and thoughts voiced are excellent, and mention-worthy but still not happy with the overall package.
Originally reviewed at Vaultofbooks.com, a close-knit community of fanatical readers. We are looking for perceptive readers who can write well, and we are eager to provide lots of free books in exchange for reviews. Shoot us a mail at contact@vaultofbooks.com
April 10, 2014
The Author Bhavna Bhavna through her name itself negates the notion of adopting a last name which is either through father or husband,products of patriarchy.She is not a feminist but a Reluctant feminist because she herself is stuck between India and Indian parents,who in particular are carriers of orthodoxy in India.Through her light hearted book and witty comedy she is not narrating an exceptional tale but a tale that most of us shy away from discussing,we all have gone through some or other phase she has discussed about,but we usually ignore the details she has mentioned.
It is about her journey from being a daughter to a daughter in law and a wife in typical Indian punjabi family where she is striving to become "an independent being". She dwells into the psyche of Indian parents and their children, that helps us to relate it with our parents and ourselves.
For her parents she has become the 'worst' child from being the most obedient one.Yes,in India children are categorized as good,bad,worse according to their art of nodding to what their parents say.But she is no ordinary child rather she is the sole arbiter of all worries and diseases to her parents as she chose to break free from strands of her 'unhappy marriage'.For Indian parents,marriage is always equivalent to happiness,no mater what one has to adjust and make is happy.
She chose to write this book not only to throw light on 'lack of independence in Indian family' but also posing larger questions like "why are men treated like god here?". Without a man, a woman is incomplete especially if she is a "DIE-VORCED WOMAN",she is treated as a hapless creature devoid of aspirations of leading her life on her own rather she is termed as "immoral kritya" in society. By society she refers to that Indian society where "Log kya kahenge" is the most important thing.
R.I.P Orthodoxy.
Wisdom comes from taking your own decisions and learning from them to be a responsible individual, this is the key lesson to be learnt from this book.
So, all the girls who are trying to gain their own identity, striving for independence, Do read this book. The ones shying away to walk away from a unhappy marriage,read it,this may be your story.
I thoroughly loved it, from vivid details to satirical humor,poetry in beginning and check lists at the end of ever chapter.
A job well done by Bhavna Ma'am who is away from literature field and yet wrote amazing piece of work.
A MUST READ.
It is about her journey from being a daughter to a daughter in law and a wife in typical Indian punjabi family where she is striving to become "an independent being". She dwells into the psyche of Indian parents and their children, that helps us to relate it with our parents and ourselves.
For her parents she has become the 'worst' child from being the most obedient one.Yes,in India children are categorized as good,bad,worse according to their art of nodding to what their parents say.But she is no ordinary child rather she is the sole arbiter of all worries and diseases to her parents as she chose to break free from strands of her 'unhappy marriage'.For Indian parents,marriage is always equivalent to happiness,no mater what one has to adjust and make is happy.
She chose to write this book not only to throw light on 'lack of independence in Indian family' but also posing larger questions like "why are men treated like god here?". Without a man, a woman is incomplete especially if she is a "DIE-VORCED WOMAN",she is treated as a hapless creature devoid of aspirations of leading her life on her own rather she is termed as "immoral kritya" in society. By society she refers to that Indian society where "Log kya kahenge" is the most important thing.
R.I.P Orthodoxy.
Wisdom comes from taking your own decisions and learning from them to be a responsible individual, this is the key lesson to be learnt from this book.
So, all the girls who are trying to gain their own identity, striving for independence, Do read this book. The ones shying away to walk away from a unhappy marriage,read it,this may be your story.
I thoroughly loved it, from vivid details to satirical humor,poetry in beginning and check lists at the end of ever chapter.
A job well done by Bhavna Ma'am who is away from literature field and yet wrote amazing piece of work.
A MUST READ.
February 22, 2015
This book, as the title conveys is a narrative of the struggles the author faced, as a woman who belong to a middle-class Indian family when she took her decision to end her unhappy marriage. The entire events are described with an edge of sarcasm to it. Though personally, I don’t agree with some of the points mentioned by the author, I admit that none of the events described in this book are exaggerated. This is just how 99% of Indian families react when their daughter suggests she wants a divorce owing to an unhappy marriage with an incompatible partner.
The author also describes the measures she took to stay strong throughout the ordeal. For some, it might sound more of a jabber by a person who is upset with everyone around her. For the others who can sympathize with her would know that it is a diary and don’t we tell every little thing to our diary. :)
A quick read.
The author also describes the measures she took to stay strong throughout the ordeal. For some, it might sound more of a jabber by a person who is upset with everyone around her. For the others who can sympathize with her would know that it is a diary and don’t we tell every little thing to our diary. :)
A quick read.
January 12, 2014
The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist is a profoundly funny chronicle of a young woman's attempt to get divorced as - opposed more by her own parents than her in-laws and her ex-she struggles to explain the flimsy grounds of incompatibility to her disapproving, old-fashioned, middle-class Punjabi family.
Read the complete review of The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist at
http://www.thebookoutline.com/2014/01...
Read the complete review of The Diary of a Reluctant Feminist at
http://www.thebookoutline.com/2014/01...
April 5, 2014
A glimpse at the cover reveals a light hearted read, you would think. But on turning the pages, you realize that this book has deep nuances, and how with wit and clarity Bhavna touches upon the crying need of women to really be heard. Her anecdotes are picturesque and she writes straight from the heart, which needs courage. I loved reading every page, and highly recommend it. A must read for men, especially!
March 7, 2014
The writer has flair flow honesty and purpose.
It has definite relation to present day social situations not just in north of India but around the world.
A must read to understand the follies of environmental conditioning and if one wants to overcome getting engulfed in them.
A classic of sorts.
It has definite relation to present day social situations not just in north of India but around the world.
A must read to understand the follies of environmental conditioning and if one wants to overcome getting engulfed in them.
A classic of sorts.
April 4, 2014
A wonderful book. It is not very often that a writer is able to convey such a delicate subject with such balance of substance and humour. The book is brilliantly refreshing, utterly funny, highly emotive and above all just an excellent read. Well done for a fantastic book. 5 Stars Bhavna Bhavna!!
March 7, 2014
The writer has flair flow honesty and purpose.
It has definite relation to present day social situations not just in north of India but around the world.
A must read to understand the follies of environmental conditioning and if one wants to overcome getting engulfed in them.
A classic of sorts.
It has definite relation to present day social situations not just in north of India but around the world.
A must read to understand the follies of environmental conditioning and if one wants to overcome getting engulfed in them.
A classic of sorts.
April 2, 2014
Bhavna has demonstrated tremendous courage in writing about a topic that is sadly not discussed enough, a topic that most Indian families are unwilling to discuss even behind closed doors. Beautifully written, Bhavna uses humor in a way that lightens the subject but doesn't devalue her message,
January 9, 2014
It is funny in bits and parts, though I wish it had more of a 'story' to it. It reads like a really really long blogpost. But had a few good laughs.
May 30, 2014
Funny entertaining
Can't put down
Definitely worth a read
Can't put down
Definitely worth a read
February 21, 2021
This book was hilarious in many ways. Anyone with south Asian/Desi parents would relate to it. If not fully then atleast some of it.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews