Deconstructing Your Faith without Losing Yourself

by Angela J. Herrington, David Hayward (Foreword)

How to heal religious trauma by releasing harmful beliefs     Have you experienced #ChurchHurt? Are you frustrated by judgmental church people supporting oppressive systems? Do you have doubts about the faith tradition you were raised in but are afraid of losing your community? Angela J. Herrington has been there. And with over a decade of experience as a life coach, she can teach you how to begin healing religious trauma through deconstruction.     Lively and empathetic, Angela will gently guide you through deconstructing your faith. This concise and actionable handbook will       • give you permission to trust yourself,       • show you how to seek new perspectives and information,       • teach you how to embrace vulnerable exploration and self-compassion, and       • help you release unhealthy beliefs that are harming you and marginalized persons.     Deconstructing your long-held beliefs can be isolating and overwhelming. But you don’t have to do it alone. Begin your healing journey with Deconstructing Your Faith without Losing Yourself.

Genres: Spirituality

208 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 20, 2024

About the author

Angela is a faith deconstruction coach and host of The Deconstructing Faith Summit who helps people break free from toxic religious culture & empowers them to recover from #churchhurt. She has led online ministries for a decade, enjoys working with clients 1:1, in groups, and is a dynamic conference speaker. She’s a Lark’s Song Certified Life Coach who reaches thousands of people in 40+ countries each month on Facebook, IG, Twitter, Pinterest, and her blog.

She’s a firstborn, Enneagram 8, Gen Xer who loves to question everything. She holds a BA from Indiana Wesleyan and a Master in Leadership from Wesley Seminary. Her graduate research project focused on leadership development and opportunities for Gen X women in the US church.

Connect with Angela at https://angelajherrington.com/

Angela and her unique online ministry are featured in Lyz Lenz’s 2019 book God Land: Story of Faith, Loss, and Renewal in Middle America. She has published articles in Hope for Women and HOPE is Now magazines. She has been featured in The New Republic, Publisher’s Today, and Religion News Service.

Her first book, Deconstruct Your Faith Without Losing Yourself (Eerdmans February, 2024), shares her decade of expereince as a faith deconstruction coach , personal stories, a hefty dose of compassion, and her trademark Gen X humor.

Angela is a also wife, mom to 5, and a proud resident of Marion, Indiana with her family when they’re not traveling the US in their RV.

Reviews

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Angela Herrington offers an insightful and personal guide to the deconstruction process. She avoids giving her readers easy answers to the complexities of exploring God, faith, and life. Instead, Herrington provides a safe space for people to grapple with the religious trauma they have experienced and come to their own conclusions, whether that be a renewed faith, a transformed belief system, or a pause from belief in God all together.

This is a must read for anyone beginning, reevaluating, or continuing in their faith journey. Highly recommended!!

[Laura Zielke · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a time when questions about faith and spirituality are more pressing than ever, Angela J. Herrington's Deconstructing Your Faith without Losing Yourself emerges as a beacon for those navigating the tumultuous waters of faith deconstruction. Herrington masterfully invites readers into a journey of self-discovery, challenging them to examine their beliefs with honesty and courage.

From the outset, Herrington sets the tone with a compelling invitation to deconstruction, defining it not as an end of faith but as a passage towards a more genuine encounter with the divine, free from the constraints of toxic religious constructs. She argues that this process is not just necessary but sacred, offering a path to liberate ourselves from beliefs that harm both individuals and communities.

Herrington identifies a 500-year cycle of transformation within the church, suggesting we are currently in the middle of what she calls a "Great Reckoning." She contends we are in a time that demands a critical examination of our beliefs, and I couldn’t agree more.

What I realized in reading Deconstructing Your Faith , is that I’ve been deconstructing for over 30 years now. In my opinion, deconstruction is about getting to the root of your convictions: Identifying what you believe and why you believe it—which requires figuring out where that belief came from, who/what it serves, and deciding whether or not it makes sense to hold onto it at this time.

It’s a journey, not a destination, and I sure could have used this book along the way. Herrington's approach to deconstruction is not about dismantling faith to its destruction but refining it to its purest form, closer to the heart of God and away from oppressive systems that have long marred Christianity.

Herrington's work is deeply rooted in the belief that deconstruction is an intensely personal journey, one that moves us away from toxic religious practices and towards a spirituality that is inclusive, equitable, and liberating. She underscores the importance of curiosity over certainty, embodiment over disengagement, and vulnerability over defensiveness. Each chapter builds upon the last, guiding readers through the layers of deconstructing harmful doctrines while encouraging a posture of openness and exploration.

What resonates deeply within Herrington's narrative is her insistence on the communal aspect of deconstruction. She challenges the "othering" that supports oppressive systems and advocates for a collective narrative that seeks justice and equity. This journey, as Herrington describes, is not without its challenges, including loneliness, grief, and the daunting prospect of isolation from one's faith community. Yet, she offers solace in the promise of self-compassion and healthier attachments as fruits of this laborious process.

Deconstructing Your Faith without Losing Yourself is a testament to Herrington's deep understanding of the complexities involved in questioning one's faith. It's a guide for the weary, the curious, and the hopeful who seek to find a faith that resonates with their deepest truths. Herrington's work is not just a book; it's a companion for those on the journey of deconstruction, offering insights, empathy, and encouragement every step of the way.

In essence, Angela J. Herrington's book is a powerful call to embrace the messy, beautiful process of deconstruction. It's about finding freedom in uncertainty, strength in vulnerability, and a deeper connection to the divine beyond the confines of conventional religion. For anyone feeling lost in their faith journey, this book promises to be a guiding light, illuminating the path towards a spirituality that is authentic, inclusive, and profoundly healing.

As someone who was raised in a predominantly white evangelical Christian environment, I can honestly say that deconstruction did not destroy my faith. I truly believe the way I live my life now is more Christlike than ever. My goal in life is to be like Jesus, and everything else, I hold quite loosely.

While this freedom might be eschewed by those who major on the minors, I have embraced it and been able to shine the Light in locations inaccessible to those who rely on other people to tell them who they are allowed to be in this world. Personally, I think only One person gets that right, and that is the Lord God Almighty.

If you're feeling trapped in a religious space that just doesn't fit right anymore, If you're full of questions but worried about asking them, I want you to know you're not walking this path alone. There's a journey ahead that doesn't ask you to leave your faith behind but invites you to look at it with a fresh perspective and a brave heart.

This journey is less about tearing down everything you've believed and more about sorting through those beliefs to find what truly speaks to you and reflects the person you aim to be. It's about allowing yourself to question, to wonder, and to grow, without losing your spiritual ground.

Welcome the uneasy feeling that comes with challenging what you've always been told. That discomfort is where real spiritual growth begins. Let your curiosity guide you toward a faith that feels right for you—one that's rich, welcoming, and truly your own.

Remember, exploring your doubts and questions doesn't mean giving up on faith. It's a step towards a deeper, more honest relationship with the Divine. It's about letting go of what doesn't fit to uncover a faith that's vibrant and real.

So, take that step. You might just find that beyond your doubts and fears is a spiritual place more welcoming and comforting than you ever thought possible. A place where you can be fully you, in the light of a love that welcomes all questions and embraces all journeys. Oh, and be sure to grab a copy of Deconstructing Your Faith as a written companion for your journey.



Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[Eady Jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent for someone who is embarking on a deconstruction journey. Angela begins by defining deconstruction and what deconstruction is not. For instance, you can deconstruct one topic, but that is not the same as going through deconstruction.

To set a foundation she writes about embracing one’s physical and emotional health and needs, nurturing supportive relationships, forming new communities, and seeking out professional support. Then she explains how to embody curiosity and vulnerability, and how to sort ideas into categories like: release, revisit, keep, or “I don’t know.”

Angela is honest about the truth being subjective and no one having the absolute truth. I loved how she regularly referred back to an open hand or relaxed fist. This has been very important for my own spiritual journey: allowing ideas to flow through like water, some we drink, some we let flow on by, some we swim in for a bit. Often ideas are repeated and she addresses this too. We can think we’ve deconstructed something only to discover there were hidden layers we hadn’t seen to uncover, so we deconstruct almost the same topic but from another angle.

I also really appreciated the mother archetype and how important it is to learn have a healthy attachment to oneself and learn to trust one’s own intuition and judgment. I don’t think this trust or attachment means the forsaking of other people’s wisdom and relationships, I think of it as a balancing act between trusting myself and also allowing space for voices that disagree or have something to teach me. Clearly this book supports being taught by others sources of information, especially minorities and the voices of the marginalized. But knowing how to self-soothe and accept one’s own mistakes or failures, while abiding in secure love means we can go through deconstruction without continuously feeling ashamed for going against “toxic religion.”

I also really liked the advised list of broad deconstruction topics Angela gave at the end: deconstructing self, God, church, Bible etc. Those broader ideas branch out into topics like purity culture and hell (big ones for me personally). I can see how this would be helpful for people who recognize they are on this journey and really want to dig deep into all the weeds. It has taken me two decades to get into many of these topics because I did not have a guide, coach or therapist (though I did have a supportive naturopath and a unique house church pastor). My journey was simply different and more drawn out than the deconstruction we see today. That’s why people need books like this. Deconstruction seems to be gaining momentum and structure and people need nurturing, helpful guidance.

Deconstruction is not going away. It is a critical religious shift that happens every 500 years or so, as the author detailed. Why not embrace some coaching and support?!

[Camden Morgante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Angela Herrington is an expert on deconstruction, providing coaching, community, and online seminars on the topic to an audience of spiritually hurting and searching former Evangelicals. In this book, her goal is to “keep you company in the wilderness” because “you, my friend, are your own best deconstruction guide.”

Herrington defines deconstruction as “an essential season of moving away from toxic, man-made religion and moving toward the wild, sacred, and holy Creator of all things.”

There are a lot of helpful tools and concepts in the book, such as embodied curiosity, checking in with yourself, releasing old beliefs, recentering on new ones, and having self-compassion. I found the chapter on “packing for the wilderness” very helpful for describing the self-care practices that are needed during deconstruction. Less helpful to me were the explanations of the ways the Church has historically oppressed other people groups. The suggestion to adjust your social media feed to learn new beliefs seems less grounded than finding other sources of knowledge. Yet, the chapter on examining and sorting your beliefs using “buckets” was very practical and useful. The seven categories of toxic beliefs to reevaluate was on point. Many of the tools Herrington offers are in line with best practices in psychology and ones I will use and recommend to my own clients.

Herrington proposes that deconstruction is an individual and systemic process that results in “a radical correction of the power imbalance by decentering white, patriarchal Christianity". Her approach centers on restructuring power and uplifting marginalized voices. Deconstruction is “about ending the harm we do to others by reinforcing a structure that oppresses them.” While a good and necessary goal, this approach may not resonate as much with Christians who see deconstruction less as a systemic restructuring and more as a path to a deeper personal faith and richer theology.

Overall, there are many helpful tools and concepts that will make this book most appealing to progressive, exvangelical, and post-Christian readers looking for “company in the wilderness”.

Disclaimer: I received an early copy of this book from the publisher and share a literary agent with the author.

[Magdalena Miranda Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am very grateful to have stumbled upon this book. Without knowing it, I have been going through a deconstruction process of my faith for years, and this book has really helped to understand the process and put a name to certain ideas and concepts. This book is targeted mainly to christians or believers immersed in a toxic religion setting. This is why probably this book won't fly off the shelves necessarily, since a great number of professing christians would find the process of faith deconstruction almost heretic and intimidating to their faith, which they are taught never to question.. But for anyone who is willing to give an honest look to their beliefs and how the church environment has affected them for better or for worse (and yes, there is a lot of "for worse"), this book is for you. Deconstruction invites us to become honest about what we believe, why we believe it, how it affects us. It invites us to break down our faith to abandon easy black and white answers and absolutism that has blindly lead many honest believers into undiscovered bias, limiting beliefs and letting toxic religion opress us and others. All of these concepts are quite challenging and demand work and effort, and this is why I don't think that many christians are willing to put in this effort, but it is worth it and the book hopes to be a guide, not providing a set amount of steps (which would again be in a sense inspired by legalism), but giving pointers, since the process will be unique for everyone. I hope and believe this book will be a useful tool for anyone is willing to go through the vulnerable exploration process that deconstruction welcomes.

[Shari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute MUST read for anyone who is wrestling with questions about their faith.

There is a lot of misinformation out there that deconstruction is about choosing sin over God or that it’s luring good Christian kids away from the gospel, but that’s not at all what deconstruction is. And that’s not what this book is.

Angela is not presenting herself as a teacher or a guru with all the answers. There’s zero agenda.

It’s not a book of answers and won’t provide any formula on “how to do faith right.”

Instead, Angela’s role with this book is to remind the reader that they are enough.

She gently guides the reader back to their own bodies and minds as trustworthy guides to healthier worldviews and beliefs through helpful exercises designed to help people discover what is important for them and what is aligned with who they know God to be, weeding out the unhelpful and harmful beliefs from the good.

She takes the time to acknowledge that harmful and toxic beliefs and worldviews have been embedded in many paths of religion. She also lovingly validates the experiences of those who have been hurt or felt betrayed by toxic faith.

Reading this book feels like sitting down with an old friend and receiving necessary encouragement to listen to our instincts about what is and is not indicative of healthy faith.

If you are looking for a resource to help you through the fog of questioning or shifting faith, this is the book for you

[Lauren S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy 5 stars. This book provides a solid definition of - pragmatic approach to - deconstruction, and acts as a gentle guide through the often uncomfortable and challenging time of faith changes. It doesn't push any particular beliefs, and leaves plenty of space for different perspectives, journeys, and outcomes.

I think I can credit the fact that the author is a life coach with how enjoyable and comfortable this book was to read. It was like a breath of fresh air. The author makes a comparison at one point to Marie Kondo, and that is such an apt descriptor. Think of this book as your companion for examining your belief system piece by piece, sifting through and finding what sparks joy.

In fact, as a personal anecdote, it's the type of book I wish I had four years ago as I was Marie Kondo-ing my own faith. I'm a few years removed from this active deconstruction phase, but this month I randomly read three (!) other books on deconstruction, from a variety of angles, all published within the past year (shoutout to my public library for having ALL FOUR books immediately available on ebook through Hoopla), to keep up on the latest discourse, I guess. This is the only one I recommend without reservation, and it gave me a little hope after almost burning out on three bad-to-mediocre books on deconstruction.

[Kaitlin Vesper · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a unique read and I'm glad I got a chance to read it while going through my journey of deconstruction. Angela's tone is comforting and empathetic, which is what you need when going through something so personal. The advice she gives is helpful and the reassurance that whoever is going through a process of questioning aspects of their faith is not alone. It can be very isolating and you feel misunderstood, but if there's one thing I took away from this book is that it's completely okay to question what you believe and most importantly, that I'm not alone in this journey. I've connected with others who feel similarly and that also found Angela through this book. Whether or not you believe deconstruction is legit or not, I think everyone wanting to understand different perspectives and experiences to pick this up and give it a read. I loved this book because she's not telling you how to feel or saying that there's one outcome of going through deconstruction. I think it's important to recognize that it's unique to each person and she gives you permission to take what you want and get from this book whatever resonates and helps you process and move forward. Highly recommend!

[Dora V · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many of us our finding ourselves exploring our belief structures that we’ve held for so long. Many of us are healing from deep religious trauma as well. We have questions about things we have previously been taught that don’t match up to what we believe to be true now. This can be a scary, vulnerable and isolating experience. Reading Angela’s book will make you feel like you’re not alone. It’s like walking a new path with someone beside you, who gives words of encouragement and challenges you to dig deeper. She doesn’t tell you what to do or lead you to any predetermined conclusion. She recognizes that curiosity is what is needed, not certainty and absolutes. It provides a framework to work through all your questions so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Reading this book made me feel seen. I wish I'd had it many years ago when I started my deconstruction process.

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wish had been written and available when I began my deconstruction journey. Angela doesn't shy away from harsh realities, and she treats those on this journey with respect and compassion. The book reads like a personal story, words of wisdom from a trusted advisor, and a roadmap for the journey. It's remarkable that she was able to provide a supportive, encouraging roadmap without telling readers what conclusions to draw at the end of their journey. It's definitely worth a slow, thoughtful, introspective read. This will be a book that remains on my shelf, so I am able to revisit it as I continue on my journey.

[Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, though I'm not quite sure I'd call it a worthwhile read. As someone who has recently embarked on the deconstruction journey herself, I expected Deconstructing Your Faith Without Losing Yourself to provide a bit more practical advice. Instead, I got a lot more info than I needed about how I was wounded, and why deconstruction is a necessary process, rather than an instructional manual on successfully navigating this season of life. Truthfully, Fr. Richard Rohr's book and homilies have done more for me in this area than Herrington's book, though I do still appreciate it for what it has to offer.

☆☆☆/☆☆☆☆☆

[Michael Donahoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful for those of us who are deconstructing our faith and questioning many of the things religion taught us. The author gives us ideas, but makes clear there is no specific way or rules and steps to follow. We each deconstruct at our own pace and in our own way. It is encouraging to know this is a normal process and there are many others going through the same thing.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were a few things here I had already gone through and considered and thought about. I wasn't at the very beginning of this process. This would be a very valuable tool for just when one was beginning deconstruction. But still I found an awful lot that was very good and applicable. Recommend!

[Brenda Osterlund · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I decided I was done with organized religion in early ‘21 I had no idea it had a name/description: deconstruction. It was helpful to read it now-3years later. I wish I could have had it back then. Great encouragement as I open my curiosity. Highly recommend!!

[Rebecca Tillmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

An important read for someone beginning their faith deconstruction.

[Will Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful on coming to acceptance on who you are now after losing seemingly everything you believe