Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them

by John Ortberg

Normal? Who’s normal?

Not you, that’s for sure! No one you’ve ever met, either. None of us are normal according to God’s definition, and the closer we get to each other, the plainer that becomes. Yet for all our quirks, sins, and jagged edges, we need each other. Community is more than just a word―it is one of our most fundamental requirements. So how do flawed, abnormal people such as ourselves master the forces that can drive us apart and come together in the life-changing relationships God designed us for?

In Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them, teacher and bestselling author John Ortberg zooms in on the things that make community tick. You’ll get a thought-provoking look at God’s heart, at others, and at yourself. Even better, you’ll gain wisdom and tools for drawing closer to others in powerful, impactful ways. With humor, insight, and a gift for storytelling, Ortberg shows how community pays tremendous dividends in happiness, health, support, and growth. It’s where all of us weird, unwieldy people encounter God’s love in tangible ways and discover the transforming power of being loved, accepted, and valued just the way we are.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Christianity, Self Help, Faith, Theology

256 pages, Paperback

First published February 21, 2003

Reviews

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the past, I have read a couple of engaging books by John Ortberg, so when I saw Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them (Zondervan, 2003) on the shelf at the thrift store, I thought I would give it a go. To not delay your suspense, I told a friend of mine that this book was gold. In fact, when I was half-way through the book, I purchased two other copies to give to people. I've already given one away.

Ortberg has an engaging writing style that shows a wide breadth of knowledge and a capacity to capture the reader's attention. In this book, he explores the concepts of loneliness, community, and boundaries. In essence, he reminds us of the need for healthy community.

One of the things I most appreciated about this book was his discussion of the Canaanite woman who approached and asked him to heal her daughter. He told her that "its not right to take the children's bread and toss it to dogs." I have always hated that verse. It doesn't fit with my conception of Jesus. Ortberg used it as a lesson, not so much for her, but for his disciples, showing the role of faith rather than lineage. I had never looked at it that way before.

Just this morning, I was reading from John 17 and Jesus is praying that we would be one, just as he and the Father are one and that we may be in them (the Father and Son) as they are in each other. That's a call to Trinitarian community and Ortberg writes of that idea well.

[Lisa Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVE John Ortberg. I know probably the most mainstream Christian writer is Max Lucado, (and I like Max too!) but John Ortberg is the best! He has a way of writing that makes this stuff so accessible. This book is about community -- how to deal with conflict, exclusion, forgiveness, etc. in a Christian framework. I love his sense of humor and how he makes each subject so darn relevant. I wish he'd write 1,000 more books!

[fpk]

Read a wonderful excerpt from this book... truths ring out in every sentence.. I've never read John Ortberg, but I think I might look at his other books..

Here's a bit of what I read:

"We are tempted to live under the illusion that somewhere out there are people who are normal...When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. We enter an endless attempt to fix them, control them, or pretend that they are what they’re not.
..Everybody’s Weird (yup)..Because we know in our hearts that this is not the way we’re supposed to be, we try to hide our weirdness. Every one of us pretends to be healthier and kinder than we really are; we all engage in what might be called “depravity management.”

I can't wait to read more...

[Melissa M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my first Ortberg read. Honestly I read through the book faster than I would have liked due to a deadline for a book club (that I found out about without much notice). I think the book would in fact be ideal for small group to go through together as the issues brought up could lead to a lot of great discussion. There are a set of questions at the end of each chapter & I'm anticipating that tonight I may come away a bit frustrated from a one hour discussion that attempts to cram in the entire book! There weren't necessarily a lot of "new" ideas in the book (for me) but they were often presented in a fresh way.

[Barry · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is an easy to read book, entertaining, and contains some thought provoking parts, but Mr. Ortberg's liberal license with Scripture is a tad disconcerting. Additionally, he often overwrites his point which instead of adding clarity or wisdom merely adds verbosity and murkiness. Still, this book is a quick read that highlights the importance of living together in community.

[Maya · Rating 4 out of 5]

The beginning did not grip me, and I almost abandoned the book. I'm really glad that I did not!

I loved how he retold very familiar stories of people in the Bible in a new way, either by adding historical and storyline details to them, or giving a modern day equivalent. It really made those stories come alive and helped me relate to them on a more intimate level. I wish I could read the whole Bible through eyes like that, understanding how the original audience would have heard it!

I also appreciated his personal stories, jokes, and style, he made me smile a lot, and even laugh out loud at times.

[Karin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book a lot!

Everybody's normal till you get to know them describes how people are far from normal yet we call ourselves normal and expects everyone else to be normal. Instead of normal, the author uses the allusion to the "As-is tag" in the grocery stores to tell that everyone has got something different from the others like poor anger management, stubbornness, or tendency in making little lies. Throughout the book, I loved the way author described such truths in a way that is never offending. "You may see these flaws in the person you most love and know." this quote grabbed my attention and I was lead into his stories as I recognized that because everyone's not normal and because of their "as is tags" I got to love those people.

With this acknowledgement being set, then the Author communicates the importance of the community. Making many allusions to bible with other stories from his life and his friends as well as some scientific facts: the Author eloquently tells us how community is important to us and then also about how to build a good community. This is a christian book for sure as more than 40% of the book is related/referred to the Bible, but that was one of the reasons I enjoyed the book. The Author explains how the bible stories are relevant to the lesson he is giving, and in doing so, he explains the Bible stories that I generally knew, a lot deeper than anything that I knew. With many usage of imagery, I got to learn and read the bible deeper without any hard time. My most favorite biblical allusion was the Matthew 9 as I got to know the story a lot deeper than I used to and with this experience, I got to know that Bible has deeper meaning that can be found by reading it multiple times.

I enjoyed the book even more since I was learning about ideal community in my school. This book has deepened my understanding of ourselves and the communities, and taught me how to make a better communities. This book is very apprising as the author uses a lot of imagery and examples. I would recommend this book to anybody older than 12 years old as learning about ourselves and the community is really important. I am thankful that I got to read this book at this time as my interest in communities were at the highest as I was learning about it at school.

Everyone is not normal, and that is why we form a good community.


Third quarter goodreads review; Karin Yamada.

[Simplymegy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my 2024 Holy Week Book pick. I’ve had it for years and only managed to pick it up now. And I’m so glad I did.

I loved how Ortberg gently reminds us that we are all weird in some way. We only have to look to the Bible to know that none of the characters there were “normal” either. I loved how stories in the Bible were recounted and given a modern day twist. I liked that the message given was that we as people belong to a community, and we are taught ways on how to navigate our own little circle, so we can live in harmony. A satisfying and enriching Christian read.

[Kymberly Oliver · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not expecting to like this book, but I actually loved it. I learned so many things and I cried a lot. A quote that stuck out to me was,

“To love another person, is to see the face of God”.

Brilliant. Amazing book. Well done.

[Chad Sellers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Did this in small group. Not bad. Some useful insights, and sparked a lot of discussion. It is a bit of a hodgepodge of chapters that sometimes feel disconnected, but I guess that means if there's a chapter you don't like, the next one will be totally different.

[Shemaiah]

📖

[Liza Lehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

These pages are full of humorous, helpful, practical, and pointed truths about learning to live in community. I laughed at what was relatable, grieved over what has been broken, and pondered how to implement change in my relationships.

[Rich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this book. It really made me think about my own faith and life in ways that I haven't done in a while. I enjoyed the stories that he shared and the personal way he did so. On some level I feel as though I know John Ortberg now. Of course, I have no idea if the guy who comes across in the book is the real deal, but I like the guy who I got to know in the book!

I have decided to do a sermon series based on this book. I believe there is enough good material here to really touch people.

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

So, I think I understand why this book is being rated highly. Because if you rated it, it means you finished it, because you are probably a devout Christian, that you enjoy sermons, and everything in it is “preaching to the choir”. Had it only been humorous anecdotes and stories of his life experiences as a pastor, I’d have given it a 2.5. Now when you put a book out with a name like that, one doesn’t expect the book to use passages from the Bible as proof of all of its conclusions. Maybe a 1 star is too high...

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.9/5 stars. I loved that it was packed with theology. The title was a bit misleading for me. I expected more of an examination of human nature but the theme was more centered around building community and relationships. Which was fine once I let go of the title. The author does take liberties on biblical interpretation which was confusing for me for biblical stories I'm less familiar with. I can see why he'd do that but that can be risky in my opinion. Overall, I learned much from reading this book and recommend it.

[Brian Eshleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book packs an entirely unexpected wallop. The title and tone are folksy, but the author holds the highest view of the sovereignty of God and the authority of Scripture. He shows a rare ability to exposit Scripture and clarify its meaning with both relevant pop culture references and timeless deep thinkers like Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Dallas Willard. He is humble, yet he gives the reader the benefit of what he has learned about relationships from a Biblical perspective.

[Robert Sutherland · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about community. What does it mean to connect with others? Exploring themes including forgiveness, inclusion, and confrontation, Ortberg writes accessibly about connecting with others. Recommended for individual or group study.

Second reading note 2021: there is some dated material and I was underwhelmed the second time through. 3* now.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book. I love John Ortberg. He is a gifted writer that keeps your interest. This book reminded me about the importance of community and accepting people for who they are.

[Jason Casto · Rating 2 out of 5]

Audio - the title of this book is one of my favorite all time quotes. I so wanted this to be a fantastic book. It just wasn't.

[Frances · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will teach you why community is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others.

[Socrate · Rating 3 out of 5]

IN UNELE MAGAZINE americane exista si raioane in care gasesti marfa cu preturi considerabil reduse. Semnul distinctiv este o eticheta atasata fiecarui obiect din acel raion, pe care scrie invariabil aceleasi cuvinte: „ca-atare". Un fel eufemistic de a spune „Produs cu defecte". Uneori, li se spune „solduri" sau „produse speciale". Magazinul te anunta astfel, cinstit: „Acesta este raionul cu produse care nu sunt in regula. Pentru ca aici vei gasi totdeauna o fisura, o pata care nu „iese", un fermoar blocat, o capsa fara pereche, ce mai — un loc cu probleme! Aceste produse nu sunt normale! „doar n-o sa-ti spunem noi unde-i fisura! Caut-o singur!! Dar stim ca e pe undeva... Asa ca, atunci cand o gasesti — pentru ca o vei gasi! — nu veni la noi cu scanceli si smiorcaieli! Fiindca ori de cate ori vii in contact cu astfel de marfa, regula de baza este: Daca umbli dupa lucruri perfecte, n-ai nimerit bine aici! Prin urmare, ai fost avertizat! Asa ca, daca vrei marfa asta, asuma-ti riscul: ia-o ca-atare»!"

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

6/10

I like Ortberg, he comes across as everyone's favorite uncle. He doesn't write with much depth, or even enough candor to be worth note, but what he does well is write with a genial empathy that I find rather endearoring. This had neither the rigor of the better theological texted, the realism of other 'Christian self help books', or the general punch leading to application I might have hoped for, but I enjoyed it anyway. Ortberg writes with the intent of helping his audience understand the position of fragility every other human finds themselves in, and then gives instruction on how to draw them, and ourselves out through relationship.

All of its good advice, though the delivery is often a bit heavy handed, and the points he makes have often been made better. However, you may find Ortberg to be as winning as I did, if you do, you may enjoy this book. I may read more of Ortberg in the future, but I can't say I've been impressed with my initial interaction.

[ashlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book explores some of the biblical ideas behind community and friendship, as well as how to achieve that. it was the perfect companion for commuting on the train. john ortberg’s personal voice is friendly, witty, and so incredibly easy to read. i found it so easy to pick up where i left off each time i got off the train and his tone makes it like you’re just listening to stories from a friend. in this book, he talks about community and does so through a mixture of anecdotes and bible stories. i loved how he went deeper into the bible stories to properly explain them in a really accessible way, but also complemented that with his own life experiences - it truly makes the illustration crystal clear and all his points hit home. he also had a few pointers about how to apply the teachings to our lives and practical tips that i found helpful too. truly a wonderful read, would highly recommend.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book!!! Insightful, entertaining, enlightening, and just an all-around good read.

A friend shared her copy with me but by the time I was into the 3rd chapter, I had to buy my own copy. I've marked it up with my own thoughts but also challenges to myself. John Ortberg is the type of writer who inspires - at least he has inspired me. Reading through each chapter, I kept finding myself with the same thought..."I can do better at..." (fill in the blank). I will keep my copy handy, with all my notes, and refer to it regularly. I may not get to "normal" this side of Heaven but I can at least be less weird while I'm here!

If you want to do some soul-searching and really think about the importance God places on community, I can't think of a better book to read than this one!

[Terri Milstead · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, I think the title is catchy but not representative of the whole idea of this book, which is about building authentic Christian community. That said, I am excited to bring this book to a women's study soon. Almost every chapter has something I can envision a gathering time activity for, which is great. There are good discussion questions at the end of each chapter. As always, Ortberg is an engaging writer although there may be a joke or two made that could be eliminated to make the book more up to date (the book is over a decade old). All in all, very pleased with the book and the possibilities it has for our small group.

[Breanna (Zumhof) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think it's a 3.5, but I'll say 4.

The book is interesting. I started reading it in a book club. The porcupine/hedgehog analogy could've been used a bit later in the book. However, it was spot on. I understand completely about how long it takes for two of these creatures to mate. It takes quite sometime to bond. It's incredible. But they literally have only a 1 week window. It was a great analogy for bonding in friendship. It's a tango of thorns, but you always have that 1 week you're close. The rest of the time you're either too guarded, defensive, shy, whatever it might be. I liked that part of this book.

I hope I don't spoil it.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the third book I have read by this author and definitely my favorite. First of all I absolutely love the title. Second the author is not preachy and delivers his information using real life humorous stories.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:

"Our need for community with people and the God who made us is to the human spirit what food and air and water are to the human body. "

"God created human beings because he was so in love with community that he wanted a world full of people to share it with. "

"There is a world of difference between being friendly to someone because they're useful to you and being someone's friend. "

[DebbyDebbster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Das Buch ist so alltagsnahe, wie es Aspekte von Gemeinschaft, Beziehungen von Mensch zu Gott und Mensch zu Mensch darstellt anhand von Vergleichen und Geschichten. Ich erfuhr beim Lesen immer wieder eine Motivation und Begeisterung und Freude daran, an den Beziehungen und meinem Charakter zu wachsen und zu verinnerlichen! Sehr viele Zitate, die einen interessanten Blickwinkel haben, schrieb ich mir raus, z.B. "Die Fähigkeit, Menschen einen Wert beizumessen, gehört zu den seltensten und kostbarsten Gaben der Welt".
Es ist einfach zu lesen und nach jedem Kapitel regen Fragen dazu an, selbst nochmal nachzudenken und das Gelesene praktisch umzusetzen. Ideal zum Austausch in Gruppen geeignet!

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is very firmly in the "fine" category. It was an approachable book with a few interesting points, but nothing really stands out from it. In fact, I felt like the majority of the book was quoting other writers. The premise is good: that we are all broken people, and our brokenness can be used to build community. There just wasn't anything particularly special about the way this book conveyed that idea.

[Prinz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book from a local thrift store 4 years ago and it was stayed in my bookshelf until recently. Someone had bought it back in 2003. For some reason, I never felt like picking it up,

My word, I should have read it sooner! Such an amazing book. Had never heard of the author until now, but John is such a great storyteller and I’ve rarely found a book that touched my heart so deeply as this one! This is going to be in my treasured collection.

Would have given it 10/5 if I could.