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The M Word: Conversations about Motherhood
A Dropped Threads-style anthology, assembling original and inspiring works by some of Canada's best younger female writers -- such as Heather Birrell, Saleema Nawaz, Susan Olding, Diana Fitzgerald Bryden, Carrie Snyder, and Alison Pick -- The M Word asks everyday women and writers, some of whom are on the unconventional side of motherhood, to share their emotions and tales of maternity. Whether they are stepmothers or mothers who have experienced abortion, infertility, adoption, or struggles with having more or less children, all these writers are women who have faced down motherhood on the other side of the white picket fence. It is time that motherhood opened its gates to include everyone, not just the picture postcard stories. The M Word is a fabulous collection by a talented author and blogger, which is bound to attract readers from all walks of motherhood. The anthology that presents women's lives as they are really lived, probing the intractable connections between motherhood and womanhood with all necessary complexity and contradiction laid out in a glorious tangle. It is a book whose contents themselves are in disagreement, essays rubbing up against one another in uncomfortable ways. There is no synthesis -- is motherhood an expansive enterprise, or is motherhood a trap? -- except perhaps a general sense that being a mother and not being a mother are each as terrible and wonderful as being alive is. What these essays do show, however, is that in this age of supposed reproductive choice, so many women still don't have the luxury of choosing their mothering story or how it will play out. And those who do exercise choice often still end up contending with judgement or backlash. The essays also make clear that women are not as divided between the mothers and the childless as we might be led to believe. Women's lives are so much more complicated than that. There is mutual ground between the woman who decided to have no more children and the woman who decided to have none at all. A woman with no children also endures a similar kind of scrutiny as the woman who's had many, both of them operating outside of societal norms. A woman who has miscarried longs to be acknowledged for her own beyond-visible mothering experiences, for the baby she held inside her. And while infertility is its own kind of journey, that journey is also just one of so many whose origins lie with the desire for a child.
314 pages, Paperback
First published April 15, 2014
4 people are currently reading
620 people want to read
About the author
Kerry Clare
6 books123 followers KERRY CLARE is the author of novels Asking for a Friend, Waiting for a Star to Fall and Mitzi Bytes, and editor of The M Word: Conversations About Motherhood. A National Magazine Award-nominated essayist, and editor of Canadian books website 49thShelf.com, she writes about books and reading at her longtime blog, Pickle Me This. She lives in Toronto with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
April 6, 2014
The essays in this book are wonderful. Some made me laugh, and some moved me to tears. It's not entirely fair to judge a book by what it's not, so I won't dwell on it, but I would have loved at least one essay about becoming a mother to a child with a disability. And I'd love to see another volume deal with mothering as action as opposed to motherhood as a state of being. I didn't really find myself in these essays, but what is here is lovely.
April 2, 2014
http://thenewcanlit.blogspot.ca/2014/...
I'm enjoying reading this book. I enjoy the diversity of the stories, the variations of circumstance.
I wonder why, though, in 2014 we can't have a book about parenting. The P Word. How many generations until these marketing categories get broken down?
But it's not just that, I know. The entire parent council of the school across the street from my house is made up of women. Women are the do-ers, overwhelmingly. They make the household spending decisions, overwhelmingly. They organize the birthday parties, overwhelmingly. They care for the boo-boos and late night puking, overwhelmingly. They are the caregivers, emotionally and otherwise, overwhelmingly. And each new generation of young women is raised to be independent and self-actualized. Crash, boom, bang. The center cannot hold. Conflict is inevitable, and also interesting. The source of narrative.
I'm starting to get the "conversations" bit now. It's sort of like Sarah Polley's "Stories We Tell," each story strand is okay. It gives us a different angle on an impossibly angled object.
I should likely highlight some examples to give you some idea of the content of the book, and not just my own muddling meanderings. (I warned you, though; my mind is griefstriken.)
My heart went out to Heather Birrell. Her piece was super lovely.
Julie Booker's late-arriving twins sound like a handful, yet their arrival gave me sweet joy.
Diana Fitzgerald Bryden's story about her nephews and their dog was fantastic. Rich complex layers of super goodness.
Kerry Clare's tale of her abortion and subsequent pregnancy was well argued and poignant.
Myrl Coulter's reflections on giving up a baby for adoption show well-earned wisdom. Very effective integration of her own story with researched facts.
Christa Couture lost two small children. Separately. One after the other. Her essay is heartbreaking and, frankly, it contradicts my earlier claim above about the lack of fatalism in the collection. This is a brave and remarkable piece, one of the best here.
Nancy Jo Cullen sounds like a nifty drinking companion. She has two teenagers she will be happy to see out the door. She is a true den mother and zen mistress with a zingy comedic touch.
Marita Dachsel captures the anxiety of parenthood with gut stabbing precision.
Nicole Dixon doesn't have a kid and doesn't want one.
Ariel Gordon is a mother and a poet and she seems pretty good at balancing both roles.
Amy Lavender Harris reminds us that conception, even in modern advanced society's, is not a given. Her essay is another excellent example how effective it can be to mix the personal with well chosen researched facts. This is a very compelling piece that addresses how to become a mother in a lab. It looks at the personal pressures and costs, the social narratives that define and deny "naturalness", and the scientific details about how it all works, when it does.
Fiona Tinwei Lam is a third-generation single mother, and it seems to be working out well for her. As I step-parent, I appreciated her analysis of the changing social ideals of "attachment." Once unwed mothers were thought to be too unstable to care for their children (best for the children to go elsewhere); now the biological connection is privileged above nearly all else.
Deanna McFadden tells the ugly truth. Your children will make you angrier than you ever thought possible, and you will wonder why they aren't like other kids, specifically the quiet one that you saw on the way home on the subway.
And that's as far as I've gotten so far. I'm hoping that there's more craziness to come. I want to hear from a mother who would be at home in a book like this. Or maybe from Jennifer Lawrence's character in "American Hustle." Or from an incarcerated mother. Or a drunk one.
The narrative tension between the expectation and the real is okay, you know. It is what it is. It's motherhood in our current moment, though perhaps most prominently in an educated, middle-class type mode, it should be said.
Motherhood is a role like every other role, in that it is complicated by a variety of pressures: race, class, family background, mental and physical health, level of education, geography, and pure random luck or lack thereof. (I imagine Allison Redford has an interesting tale to tell now, too.)
The truth is, that life is wild and unpredictable and out along the high wire we go. There is no net. No amount of desiring control and demanding validity is going to change that, though you may get strapped into a safety harness or two.
I'm enjoying reading this book. I enjoy the diversity of the stories, the variations of circumstance.
I wonder why, though, in 2014 we can't have a book about parenting. The P Word. How many generations until these marketing categories get broken down?
But it's not just that, I know. The entire parent council of the school across the street from my house is made up of women. Women are the do-ers, overwhelmingly. They make the household spending decisions, overwhelmingly. They organize the birthday parties, overwhelmingly. They care for the boo-boos and late night puking, overwhelmingly. They are the caregivers, emotionally and otherwise, overwhelmingly. And each new generation of young women is raised to be independent and self-actualized. Crash, boom, bang. The center cannot hold. Conflict is inevitable, and also interesting. The source of narrative.
I'm starting to get the "conversations" bit now. It's sort of like Sarah Polley's "Stories We Tell," each story strand is okay. It gives us a different angle on an impossibly angled object.
I should likely highlight some examples to give you some idea of the content of the book, and not just my own muddling meanderings. (I warned you, though; my mind is griefstriken.)
My heart went out to Heather Birrell. Her piece was super lovely.
Julie Booker's late-arriving twins sound like a handful, yet their arrival gave me sweet joy.
Diana Fitzgerald Bryden's story about her nephews and their dog was fantastic. Rich complex layers of super goodness.
Kerry Clare's tale of her abortion and subsequent pregnancy was well argued and poignant.
Myrl Coulter's reflections on giving up a baby for adoption show well-earned wisdom. Very effective integration of her own story with researched facts.
Christa Couture lost two small children. Separately. One after the other. Her essay is heartbreaking and, frankly, it contradicts my earlier claim above about the lack of fatalism in the collection. This is a brave and remarkable piece, one of the best here.
Nancy Jo Cullen sounds like a nifty drinking companion. She has two teenagers she will be happy to see out the door. She is a true den mother and zen mistress with a zingy comedic touch.
Marita Dachsel captures the anxiety of parenthood with gut stabbing precision.
Nicole Dixon doesn't have a kid and doesn't want one.
Ariel Gordon is a mother and a poet and she seems pretty good at balancing both roles.
Amy Lavender Harris reminds us that conception, even in modern advanced society's, is not a given. Her essay is another excellent example how effective it can be to mix the personal with well chosen researched facts. This is a very compelling piece that addresses how to become a mother in a lab. It looks at the personal pressures and costs, the social narratives that define and deny "naturalness", and the scientific details about how it all works, when it does.
Fiona Tinwei Lam is a third-generation single mother, and it seems to be working out well for her. As I step-parent, I appreciated her analysis of the changing social ideals of "attachment." Once unwed mothers were thought to be too unstable to care for their children (best for the children to go elsewhere); now the biological connection is privileged above nearly all else.
Deanna McFadden tells the ugly truth. Your children will make you angrier than you ever thought possible, and you will wonder why they aren't like other kids, specifically the quiet one that you saw on the way home on the subway.
And that's as far as I've gotten so far. I'm hoping that there's more craziness to come. I want to hear from a mother who would be at home in a book like this. Or maybe from Jennifer Lawrence's character in "American Hustle." Or from an incarcerated mother. Or a drunk one.
The narrative tension between the expectation and the real is okay, you know. It is what it is. It's motherhood in our current moment, though perhaps most prominently in an educated, middle-class type mode, it should be said.
Motherhood is a role like every other role, in that it is complicated by a variety of pressures: race, class, family background, mental and physical health, level of education, geography, and pure random luck or lack thereof. (I imagine Allison Redford has an interesting tale to tell now, too.)
The truth is, that life is wild and unpredictable and out along the high wire we go. There is no net. No amount of desiring control and demanding validity is going to change that, though you may get strapped into a safety harness or two.
January 15, 2014
The M Word offers an intelligent conversation about motherhood, providing a variety of perspectives on what it means to become a mother (or not). The book is honest and inclusive. Every woman will find her experience reflected somewhere in these stories.
[ reviewed from galleys ]
[ reviewed from galleys ]
April 9, 2014
I need to buy more copies of this wonderful anthology because I keep giving it away to friends who I think will find comfort in it. Penned by 25 very fine Canadian authors (thoughtfully curated by Kerry Clare) these are honest, brave, penetrating stories representing a wide spectrum of experience.
April 13, 2014
This is everything I wanted in an essay collection about motherhood. Not perfect, but I love the kind of random approach of listing the essays alphabetically rather than sorting into themes because parenting IS pretty random. Several of these essays made me cry with recognition of something really honest that gets lost in these conversations... the ambivalence... we're all good mothers and we're all bad mothers. I'm the same person I was before becoming a mother, and I'm a totally different person. I can't imagine my life without my kids, and I can imagine what it's like to be child free. It's not one extreme or the other. Anyone who says it is is lying to themseleves or trying to sell you something!
Full, more coherent (hopefully) review to come on reading-in-bed.com.
Full, more coherent (hopefully) review to come on reading-in-bed.com.
April 20, 2014
Excellent collection of essays about motherhood, infertility, ambivalence and not having children etc. For some reason, I found myself really affected by the essays about becoming a stepmother, which is weird because I have no connection to it in my life. (I think I was thinking about a friend who became a stepmother last year)
This is a really beautiful and thoughtful book. I read it in one sitting.
This is a really beautiful and thoughtful book. I read it in one sitting.
October 17, 2015
The most subversive collection of essays on motherhood I have read. Overall, the collection of experiences gathered by editor Kerry Clare covers an impressive range of experiences and reactions to motherhood--including infertility, loss, nannying, teenagers, indecisiveness and disinterest (by which I mean electing to be childless). It is challenging reading.
However, some essays are better written than others, and I would have preferred if the stories had been organized in some other way rather than presented alphabetically by author.
However, some essays are better written than others, and I would have preferred if the stories had been organized in some other way rather than presented alphabetically by author.
August 10, 2016
Thoughtful and diverse collection of essays that all women can relate to.
Each essay is unique and represents a different take on being a mother - or not being a mother as the case may be.
While there are other books that share stories of motherhood, most of them seem to be geared towards first-time moms and have a predominately light and almost superficial treatment of motherhood. The essays in this book are more thoughtful, sometimes dark, intensely personal and very touching.
Each essay is unique and represents a different take on being a mother - or not being a mother as the case may be.
While there are other books that share stories of motherhood, most of them seem to be geared towards first-time moms and have a predominately light and almost superficial treatment of motherhood. The essays in this book are more thoughtful, sometimes dark, intensely personal and very touching.
October 1, 2015
This was hit and miss. Probably about 3 or 4 were really good, and a handful were a real slog.
June 19, 2021
4.5 stars. Not your typical book of essays on motherhood, in the best way. From the introduction: “we’ve lost children, we never had the ones we longed for, the children we have are not biologically ours. We are the women who’ve had too many children or not enough, or we didn’t have them properly. Women for whom motherhood is a fork in the road… those of us who have made the conscious choice not have children.”
December 29, 2014
This is a wonderful anthology, with so much to unpack here. It truly covers the range of what it means to be a mother, from those who choose to have children freely, to those who make the choice not to be a mother at all, and everything in between. There is so much valuable wisdom here, and I think I will come back to it time and time again. The essay by Kerry Clare (the editor) on the her experience of motherhood seen from the other side of a previous abortion was a standout entry.
However, there was an essay later in the collection written by a woman who had chosen to adopt her younger brother's daughter, who had been left by her mother, while the woman herself was pregnant with her first child. She writes eloquently on the push and pull of love, and how her love for her biological child came easily, while that for her adopted child required more effort and work. While I can admire her for her honesty, I admit to feeling quite uncomfortable with this essay and wonder about its later impact when her daughters are older. Its brutal honesty, to a child who has already been abandoned once, may be devastating.
I think my only other reservation with this book came from a place where so many of the women wrote about their choice to have children, or not have children, as it related to their writing careers. I understand that, given that these women are writers and therefore this is what defines their experiences, but I would have enjoyed reading entries from women whose conversation around motherhood extended beyond that of writing or other artistic careers - for example: becoming mothers as teens (although there was one entry in the context of an essay on adoption), or choosing motherhood while in poverty, or other situations that may have made for a more diverse collection. However, I can understand how that may have led to a much longer collection that may have not been feasible.
Overall, a fantastic collection with many entries I'd like to re-read.
However, there was an essay later in the collection written by a woman who had chosen to adopt her younger brother's daughter, who had been left by her mother, while the woman herself was pregnant with her first child. She writes eloquently on the push and pull of love, and how her love for her biological child came easily, while that for her adopted child required more effort and work. While I can admire her for her honesty, I admit to feeling quite uncomfortable with this essay and wonder about its later impact when her daughters are older. Its brutal honesty, to a child who has already been abandoned once, may be devastating.
I think my only other reservation with this book came from a place where so many of the women wrote about their choice to have children, or not have children, as it related to their writing careers. I understand that, given that these women are writers and therefore this is what defines their experiences, but I would have enjoyed reading entries from women whose conversation around motherhood extended beyond that of writing or other artistic careers - for example: becoming mothers as teens (although there was one entry in the context of an essay on adoption), or choosing motherhood while in poverty, or other situations that may have made for a more diverse collection. However, I can understand how that may have led to a much longer collection that may have not been feasible.
Overall, a fantastic collection with many entries I'd like to re-read.
Read
February 20, 2015Honest, genuine, inclusive conversations about motherhood are rare. Even rarer are the conversations that include and honor women "whose relationships to motherhood are complicated." The M Word: Conversations about Motherhood, edited by Kerry Clare, presents a rich, dynamic, occasionally conflicting conversation about motherhood that includes all women.
Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
May 20, 2014
I liked a lot of this collection--honed essays dealing with the many facets of motherhood. Yet there were a few that felt repetitive, in both style and content, and a select few that simply did not sit well with me. Overall, though, kudos to editor Kerry Clare for selecting varied, nuanced pieces.
October 26, 2014
This sort of book reminds us that it is normal to think and reflect upon the experience of mothering, from no matter which perspective. I do find it a little braised towards Toronto, and would love to see more stories about rural lifestyles, but perhaps there. Is room for another edition!
May 13, 2014
I really enjoyed this book.
July 20, 2014
Just loved it. Brought to tears many times, by the telling of what could be seen as mundane or average stories and moments of women's lives by some incredible writers.
April 30, 2014
As someone who isn't a mother, but plans/hopes to be at some point, I really enjoyed this collection. I'll be discussing it with a mother friend and I'm looking forward to our differing perspectives!
June 11, 2014
Personal essays about all aspects of having children (or not). Inspiring -
September 9, 2016
Fantastic anthology, though I agree with other reviewers that more differse socioeconomic perspectives would have rounded out and deepened the collection.
April 8, 2016
Enjoyed the range of stories
December 11, 2020
Oof! My heart! A beautiful and emotional collection of essays and poetry about motherhood. I loved how this collection runs the full gamut from struggling to conceive, choosing childlessness, infant loss, abortion, adoption, the delicate transition of easing into step-parenthood and becoming a grandmother. There were a great number of these pieces that resonated with me deeply and I could relate to with my whole being. A few of them I will carry in my heart and mind for a very long time. They made me feel seen and known. Others were very unknown territory for me, and I appreciate reading these experiences to help me better understand and empathize with others who are on a different path. This was a really great read.
October 23, 2019
This book is a series of short articles about the many different faces of motherhood and it just wasn't for me. Most of the writing styles didn't flow for me and it was so full of non conforming ideas of motherhood that I struggled to relate. As someone who struggles with fertility, the heavy emphasis on abortion really bothered me and overall this painted motherhood in a very neutral light and thats just not how I feel about it. I did appreciate the one article on fertility, but even that was written in a way that was very F the Man and I just don't see motherhood in that light. This book is probably great for some, it just wasn't for me.
May 27, 2023
A poignant collection.
June 26, 2020
This is the most insightful and comprehensive anthology I've read, thus far, covering all of the different ways to become a mother or not become a mother. The stories are inclusive, beautifully written, breathtaking, and heartbreaking. They represent the width and breadth of the female experience and the life-altering decision that every woman has to make.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews