Becoming Mum

by Koa Lou Whittingham

Becoming Mum is a truly unique self-help book. It is the first book written to support women, all women, through the psychological passage to motherhood, empowering them to become the kind of mother they wish to be. The psychological passage to motherhood is undoubtedly one of the biggest and most important transitions of a woman's life. It is not without its challenges. Even without complications, becoming a mum includes dramatic physical challenges, from morning sickness to the birth itself. It also has wide-reaching flow-on effects, as it changes a woman's relationship with her partner, her career, her family and her friends. Becoming a mother is a joyous adventure for many, but it is also an adventure that includes physical, mental and emotional challenges, as well as enormous personal adjustment. In Becoming Mum, Dr Koa Whittingham, a clinical and developmental psychologist, parenting researcher and mother, draws on the latest research, her clinical experience and her own experiences as a mother. In each chapter you will find suggestions on how to apply the concepts presented in Becoming Mum to your unique situation, including coping with challenges such as miscarriage, postnatal depression and preterm birth. - your unique parenting values, and how to harness these to become a confident and happy mother - how to use mindfulness and acceptance to create a loving bond with your baby and support your baby's emotional development - techniques for coping with criticism, unhelpful advice, distressing emotions and physical pain - how to keep your romantic relationship healthy and your support network strong - flexible, step by step strategies for facing major challenges that can be adapted to your personal circumstances Becoming Mum is grounded in the latest scientific literature on parenting and psychological health, drawing from mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Attachment Theory. The book encourages women to enjoy motherhood and builds each woman's self-confidence as a mother by helping her to discover-and live by-her unique mothering values. Further, Becoming Mum liberates mothers from the dual pressures of self-doubt and criticism from others, empowering every mother to parent her child in the way that she feels is best for her own unique baby. Becoming Mum is written in a flexible style that supports each woman's individual circumstances. The practical strategies provided in the book can also easily be adapted to suit further challenges such as miscarriage, postnatal depression and preterm birth. Mums deserve psychological support that is nonjudgmental, empowering and liberating-support that is grounded in each woman's values and easily adaptable to each woman's circumstances and now they can find that support in Becoming Mum. Become the mum that you want to be!

Genres: Parenting

258 pages, Paperback

First published November 6, 2013

About the author

I am a research fellow at the University of Queensland, a clinical and developmental psychologist and a mother. Parenting is one of my key research areas. I live in Brisbane, Australia, with my husband and daughter. I have always loved both writing and reading.

I first had the idea of writing becoming mum www.becomingmum.com.au while trying to conceive. Given what a monumental change it is to become a mother, I wondered why a book offering women psychological support during the transition did not already exist. I quickly realised that, as a parenting researcher and a clinical and developmental psychologist, I was the right person to write such a book. The idea grew along with my pregnancy and I began writing in earnest during my maternity leave. Most of the content of becoming mum was literally written on a laptop propped up on my knees while my beloved baby slept across my chest. I think this makes Becoming Mum genuine and sincere.

I am passionate about giving mothers psychological support and I am passionate about the psychological support being nonjudgmental, empowering and liberating—support that is grounded in each woman’s values and easily adaptable to each woman’s circumstances. My aim in writing becoming mum is to support each mother in becoming the mum they want to be.

You can find more information on Becoming Mum at www.becomingmum.com.au

I regularly blog about parenting on my blog Parenting from the Heart at http://www.koawhittingham.com/blog/

You can also read my Fables for Parents on my website at http://www.koawhittingham.com/fables-... or on Parenthood Stories at http://parenthoodstories.com/a/Koa_Wh...

Reviews

[Rosie Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great exercises on mindfulness and working through the values you want to hold as a parent

[Jacqui Schischka · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really interesting read and had some great practical techniques to help with acceptance of the journey of motherhood and explores it from many different perspectives. The book largely centres on values and getting these clear so that the journey of motherhood reflects these values - as well as showing that whilst not everything goes to plan there are easy ways to get back on track - by returning to values. It also is a workbook with lots of questions and enables the reader to closely examine their life and situation. Personally, for me, as an extremely reluctant mother-to-be who is grieving her life that was uncoupled with the responsibilities of parenting - I found it helpful.

[Fatima Girbo · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was awsome

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Becoming Mum, Dr. Koa Whittingham encourages readers to engage in interactive exercises that explore and vitalize the psychological passage into motherhood. This book, which is based on the principles of mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy, is primarily intended for women who are in efforts to conceive, who are pregnant, or who are parenting infants. Dr. Whittingham notes that the book is meant to be flexible, though, so it could apply (at least to some degree) to partners of these women, parents of older children, women who are planning for a potential pregnancy, fostering, or adoption, and women who have recently lost a child due to miscarriage or stillbirth. In fact, although none of these situations are covered in detail – or in large amount – several of these topics, along with step-parenting, are mentioned in the book.

The book is organized by cognitive and emotional processes that may arise as related to the transition to parenting. These topics include a number of how to’s: preparing for and distancing yourself from unwanted advice about parenting, being more self-compassionate when doubt about your parenting choices arise, working through relationship changes with your partner, and making values-based choices about family matters. As a woman in this age range who sees many female clients in this age range, I can confidently state that most, if not all, young and middle age women deal with these topics, whether or not they have children of their own. There is societal pressure to want children (plural), to have them biologically and naturally, to report that pregnancy is a wonderful experience, and that parenting is joyful all the time. Choosing not to have at least two children, or saying that you had an unplanned or difficult pregnancy (and so on) is still often consider taboo! I think this book has a wide appeal.

Dr. Whittingham does an excellent job of normalizing all such topics in Becoming Mum. Each chapter is organized into four parts. The first section introduces the reader to the overall ideas being introduced and provides exercises and strategies. There is space for writing down personal ideas as relevant to practice familiarity with identification of parenting values, acceptance of difficult emotions, mindfulness, and the like. The second section introduces a specific example to show readers how these topics might apply to someone in real life, and the third part of each chapter takes that idea a bit further by showing how the topics might relate to specific situations such as grief and loss, or anxiety. The final part of the chapter gives suggestions for activities and exercises that directly relate these topics to the readers’ daily lives. This chapter structure allows for readers to easily see how overall concepts might fit in with concerns they have or might have in the future as they reach different stages in the transition to parenting.

This book reminds me a good deal of the joy of parenting by Lisa Coyne and myself, which I think is a good thing. What is unique about it is that it really focuses on the transition to being a mother. Also, it’s direct approach to how topics are relevant to specific issues that might arise given certain circumstances (e.g., postpartum depression, morning sickness) make it novel. I highly recommend it.

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best "pregnancy" book I have read - cognitive behavioural therapy techniques specifically aimed at women with histories of anxiety and depression who are planning to/about to become/already are mothers. Absolutely what I needed to read right now, and will definitely be buying this for all my pregnant friends in future.

[Amy Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Becoming Mum, the brain-child of Dr Koa Whittingham – psychologist, parenting researcher, author, and mother – opens a window into an infinite world of parenting possibilities. The reader is guided on a journey of self-discovery, awareness, and change. The author empowers mothers to identify their own parenting values and goals and to use these to guide their everyday lives as they work towards nurturing strong and loving relationships with baby, partner, family, and self. The exercises that accompany each chapter, which draw on mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, are not only powerfully transformative, but also provide the reader with a beautiful record of their thoughts, hopes, and emotions at an important time of personal transition and adjustment. This is a user-friendly book with the capacity to generate rapid and positive change in the relationships and lives of every mother and mother-to-be.

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written book for mums and parents. Empowering and easy to read, this book helps you to parent according to your values. I found this extremely helpful and discovered that by doing this, I feel so much stronger in my parenting ways. I find I now don't have to justify to other parents and friends how I put baby to sleep, etc. I now know I am parenting from my values, this is what works for my baby and me. A great book to help you find exactly what you feel comfortable and happy with as a parent.

[Laydeej · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book for preparing mother's for the challenge of parenting.It is like a walk through journal. Gives clarity on bringing out questions on values that you wish to instill in your future offspring.

[Anya · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

An Awesome, helpful and inspiring read.