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Pastorman: Funny quotes from a pastor radically in love with himself
Pastorman is without a doubt the mankind's greatest super pastor. Here in this book he shares his powerful, powerful wisdom with the world.
Research has shown that after reading this book people are smarter, better looking, wealthier, can reverse park better, get more job promotions, have whiter teeth, get upgraded more often on flights, have better eye sight, have better dress sense, have bigger biceps, smile more, understand algebra, get less traffic tickets, are at least 75% more attractive to the opposite sex, can slam dunk a basketball, can dance better, can play instruments they never learned to play, have more random people give them money for no reason, smell better, have a better tan, look more famous and in general receive a profound revelation that they are, in fact, a total legend.
Brace yourself. This book will be a defining moment in your life. Below are just a few nuggets of wisdom you will experience as you read this book. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the Pastorman experience.
“Pastorman isn't perfect. He once told a lie. However, the lie was simply telling someone that he wasn't perfect.”
“Pastorman can make a whole room fall into a deep meditation as they ponder the incredible wisdom he shares during his sermon. What do you mean they are sleeping? My young friend, they are in deep meditation!”
“Pastorman once won a dancing competition without dancing. He just stood there, without moving—and the judges were amazed and awarded him first place for what has come to be known as 'The Pastorman tango'.”
“The best dream one can have, it dreaming about how awesome Pastorman is.”
“Pastorman once asked a question so profound the only person who could answer it was Pastorman.”
“Pastorman just roundhouse kicked himself in the face. It was a heavenly experience.”
“Cigarettes try to give up Pastorman. They fail every time. Moral of the story: Pastorman is too addictive to ever give up.”
“Pastorman once swam to from New York to India just to buy a curry. It only took him 20 minutes . . . that included the time it took to eat the curry.”
“Whoever is spreading the rumor that the talking donkey in the Bible was called Pastorman, be warned, I have already sent a round house kick out to track you down. Pastorman is not a talking donkey!”
“No matter what your problem is, the solution is simple: You need more Pastorman.”
Research has shown that after reading this book people are smarter, better looking, wealthier, can reverse park better, get more job promotions, have whiter teeth, get upgraded more often on flights, have better eye sight, have better dress sense, have bigger biceps, smile more, understand algebra, get less traffic tickets, are at least 75% more attractive to the opposite sex, can slam dunk a basketball, can dance better, can play instruments they never learned to play, have more random people give them money for no reason, smell better, have a better tan, look more famous and in general receive a profound revelation that they are, in fact, a total legend.
Brace yourself. This book will be a defining moment in your life. Below are just a few nuggets of wisdom you will experience as you read this book. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the Pastorman experience.
“Pastorman isn't perfect. He once told a lie. However, the lie was simply telling someone that he wasn't perfect.”
“Pastorman can make a whole room fall into a deep meditation as they ponder the incredible wisdom he shares during his sermon. What do you mean they are sleeping? My young friend, they are in deep meditation!”
“Pastorman once won a dancing competition without dancing. He just stood there, without moving—and the judges were amazed and awarded him first place for what has come to be known as 'The Pastorman tango'.”
“The best dream one can have, it dreaming about how awesome Pastorman is.”
“Pastorman once asked a question so profound the only person who could answer it was Pastorman.”
“Pastorman just roundhouse kicked himself in the face. It was a heavenly experience.”
“Cigarettes try to give up Pastorman. They fail every time. Moral of the story: Pastorman is too addictive to ever give up.”
“Pastorman once swam to from New York to India just to buy a curry. It only took him 20 minutes . . . that included the time it took to eat the curry.”
“Whoever is spreading the rumor that the talking donkey in the Bible was called Pastorman, be warned, I have already sent a round house kick out to track you down. Pastorman is not a talking donkey!”
“No matter what your problem is, the solution is simple: You need more Pastorman.”
63 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 3, 2013
5 people want to read
About the author
Mick Mooney
16 books116 followersMick Mooney is an Australian born writer. He writes non-fiction and fiction.
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