A book that pulls no punches. Some reviews have given this book a bad review because they think that Alli was not a very good person--lying, deceptive, manipulative, etc. But Alli's point in writing the book was to tell how horrible drug addiction, especially to crystal meth, is, and how horribly it makes a person act. She never pretends to be a "good" person but sincerely reveals her weaknesses and faults that led her to drug addiction and then the repulsive behavior that results from this addiction. She is ashamed of her behavior.
Most people could never be so bluntly honest; they would make excuses. This book deserves a 5-star rating simply for its honesty.
This book is probably the best that I have ever read that clearly describes the horror of drug addiction and how easily it can happen with one experience. It explains how meth addicts can act so differently from any other kind of drug addicts because of the different location in the brain that is affected by meth in a way that makes meth addiction much more dangerous. It also shows how people can accept horrible abuse just for the next hit.
But there are other underlying themes. Alli comes from a family of addicts, abusing alcohol and drugs. She comes from a family of emotional abusers and dysfunctional relationships which led her to bad relationships with boyfriends and a suicide attempt as a teenager. Her early drug experiences came from a need to bury emotional pain that she could not confront and led ultimately to more serious addiction. And the straw that broke the camel's back was her overachieving drive in order to suppress feelings that she had no means of dealing with and also to give herself self-esteem. Her overachievement led her to amazing success in her police career, and then with equal determination, to her ability to procure drugs to maintain her habit much after most people would have given up and ended in treatment, and finally to her amazing decision to instantly give up drugs and throw away her last dose before entering rehab. And I believe this overachievement has also led to this remarkable book. I expect to see great things from this woman.
With all those factors against her, I think we can wonder if any of us could have avoided what she went through and we can be amazed at how she was able to conquer this addiction. Nobody can help but admire her determination to fight off each craving. The PTSD symptoms such as hallucinations, the desires to hate and murder the dealer who abused her and imprisoned her in his house, and the extreme fear of encountering her drug dealer who hacked her phone and computer records--and even her mother's address--all demonstrate her ongoing battle which might never end.
An excellent book, readable, emotional, intense, but fulfilling at the end. an impossible life with impossible chance of escape... for a woman who believes in making the impossible possible.