When Your Best Isn't Good Enough: Breaking Free from Perfectionism

by Kevin Leman

Some people feel they don't measure up to anyone's expectations. As a result, they tend to procrastinate, set unrealistic goals, or continually try to please others. With the positive, no-nonsense strategies offered in When Your Best Isn't Good Enough, readers can raise their low self-perception and overcome these feelings of rejection and inadequacy.

Writing in his well-known, upbeat style, Dr. Kevin Leman helps those who struggle with self-doubt to value their talents and gifts and accept their shortcomings. He points out why the lifestyle we develop as a child determines our degree of success or failure and explains how, regardless of the past, each person can develop a healthy lifestyle today. Dr. Leman also shows readers how to apply these same principles in raising children with healthy self-esteem.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Christian, Family, Christian Living, Counselling

234 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[Bart Breen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Strong Offering beneficial to Many

Dr Leman is best known for his book regarding birth order and its effect upon personality and characteristics and so I expected this book to be good and I was not disappointed.

It is ironic, but the fact is that many underachievers are in fact not lazy, but people capable of excellence who have determined on some level that it is safer to gaurd against being judged by others by engineering circumstances in their lives, jobs and relationships to where other elements can be blamed, at least in the mind of that person, and they are insulated from the terrible judgement that they somehow are just not capable people.

I was struck as I read this with Dr Leman's ability to tie in a great deal from the the field of cognative behavioral therapy which has moved treatment beyond a Freudian or Jungian approach that may provide insight as to how someone has become a defeated perfectionist, but offered precious little on what to practically do about it. Dr. Leman quotes from and includes many broad themes from this field, with several direct references to Dr. David Burns who is a leader in this field.

Issues such as self-talk and coaching are addressed well and within the grasp of the average reader in an easy to read and entertaining manner.

Well worth the read. Consider it a practical read for self-coaching. It would make a good introduction to this area of behavioral therapy and should be followed up with Dr. Burns' material for those that find themselves benefitting and wanting more.

Bart Breen

[Mostafa Nabil · Rating 4 out of 5]

رغم عدم حبى لكل أنواع التنمية البشرية الا ان هذا الكتاب يعتبر نظرة جديدة للحياة أكثر منه نوع من التنمية البشرية
يمكنك ان تخرج من هذا الكتاب باعادة اكتشاف اخطاءفى افكارك ,,,

اكثر ما يميز الكتاب انه لا يريدك ان تشبه أحدا حتى تحقق ما حققه من انجازات
يطلب منك ان تختار طريقتك بنفسك وأسلوبك بنفسك ولكن بأسلوب منظم وبروح الرضا دائما فى المكسب والخسارة مع الحياة

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my husband picked up The Birth Order Book, I picked up this one. I am glad I read the Birth Order Book first, as it gives a general overview first born perfectionists. This book is designed to address that situation. It gives practical advice on overcoming stumbling blocks that make your life tedious work instead of the joy filled experience that God intended it to be. Dr. Leman also gives tips on parenting - encouraging your children and setting up realistic goals without being overly critical.

I tried to learn how to play the piano when I was a teenager, but I got so frustrated because I kept making mistakes that I quit. I think I might like to try again, this time I would keep Dr. Leman's comments in mind and just enjoy it.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent information. All perfectionists should read this book. It opened my eyes to defeated perfectionism, criticism, and how they affect every area of one's life. Especially eye-opening was how we pass that down to our children and how it affects their lives. It has given me a new perspective on my negative self-talk and how that affects me spiritually. I want all of my children to read this book.

[Moony · Rating 3 out of 5]

بداية يعرفنا الكاتب عن طالب الكمال المهزوم و كيف أنه يدور في دائرة مفرغة لا يستطيع الخروج منها فيبدو للقارئ كلام رتيب و ممل،، إلا أن يبدأ في جزئية تربية الأطفال و طريقة التعامل معهم و مدى تأثير الحوادث في الصغر على شخصية الطفل عند الكبر ،، و من أجمل الأساليب في التعامل مع الأطفال هي التعلم من الواقع أعجبتني جدا،، الجزء الأخير من الكتاب كانت مجرد كلمات تشجيعية و تحفيزية لا أكثر.

[Bayan Ahazimi · Rating 5 out of 5]

كيفن ليمان يشرح الكمالية بطريقة سهلة، ويخليك تشوفين إن كثير من التوتر والقلق اللي تحسين فيه هو لأنك تحاولين “تثبتين نفسك طول الوقت”.
هو ما يطلب منك تكونين مهملة أو عشوائية، لكن يقولك:
“كوني إنسانة… مو روبوت.”

الجميل في الكتاب إنه عملي، يعطيك أمثلة واقعية ونصايح تطبقينها على نفسك مباشرة.

الانطباع العام:
• مريح، بسيط، واقعي.
• مناسب جدًا للي تعبوا من جلد الذات وتفتيش العيوب

[Janique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any person struggling with feelings of dissatisfaction and never measuring up in life would benefit from the insights Dr. Leman shares in this book. The 'defeated perfectionist' idea was particularly interesting as were the practical tips on 'lowering the high-jump bar' of life.

[سمر درويش · Rating 5 out of 5]

أجمل كتاب قرأته

[Zainah Aljishi · Rating 5 out of 5]

جممميل من كتبي المفضله التي أثرت فيني

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I only gave it 3 stars, but this piece provided some thought-provoking points to consider. Why do you see the world and others the way you do? Why do you see yourself the way you do? You are influenced intentionally and unintentionally in your view of yourself and thus view is formed at a very young age. Mindfulness comes to, well, mind. (Pardon my grammar. I have no idea about those commas!) I suspect I haven't gone above 3 stars is that it has a lot of Jesus and for me, that doesn't work. I have nothing against any faith, so don't be offended and jump to argue, please. All that said, I've got more thinking to do. It confirmed some ideas I've had whirling around for a while. It also served to remind me that, as a teacher, I have a very important task. That is to build confidence and self-esteem in each child even when it seems like their only job is to make mine unbearable.

[Sahar Alshehri · Rating 4 out of 5]

بالنسبة لي وجدت الكتاب له تأثير عميق لاأعلم هل لأني بالفعل ( صحصحت ) لتلك الرسائل التي وضعها في كتابه،

أحببت طريقته في السرد والتفاصيل مع ذكر القصص إلا أنني أصبت بالملل خصوصاً عند ضربه للأمثلة لبعض الرياضيين ،،

في الحقيقة الترجمة جيدة جيداً فهي محفوظة لمكتبة جرير ، لكن وجدت الترجمة خصوصاً الجاني الديني ملفت للنظر ،

أعلم بأن الكاتب متدين لكن استغربت من تشابه التعليمات مع الديانة الإسلامية أو هو اجتهاد من المترجم لذلك إن تيسر الأمر سأقرأ الكتاب الأصلي من الكاتب مباشرة.

في العموم سيكون هذا الكتاب من الكتب المفضلة عندي وسأعود إليه بين فترة وأخرى

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I did appreciate the heart of this book, it is not what I was really looking for. For example, a good chunk of it read more like a parenting book than a book teaching me to deal with insecurities and bad thinking habits. What I got out of this book were a few helpful perspectives, parenting tips, and realizing that my “brand” of perfectionism isn’t the only one. What I didn’t get, as much, was how to deal with my own “brand” of perfectionism

[Joe Ciserella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leman's thoughts are simple and easily understood. Occasionally his examples are overly simplified and not as useful to apply but the theories seem to be sound. Decent read for folks that are hard on themselves

[Salma Elsayed · Rating 2 out of 5]

ماليان حكايات وتفاصيل كتيرة مالهاش أي لازمة. الكلام العلمي فيه قليل جدًا والإفادة اللي فيه قليلة جدًا جدًا. بالنسبالي ملقيتش نصايح عملية أقدر أتبعها؛ كله كان نصايح عامة جدًا شبه نصايح التنمية البشرية.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read.

[Annie Wieler · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.75

[Eliza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read as audiobook

[Stinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful book for perfectionists like me and a couple folks dear to me

[Charity Gillaspy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book!

I learned so much in this book! I'm going to read it again! I've learned to be happy with who I am
!

[Christy Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really a parenting book with A LOT of personal examples (some real, some hypothetical). Wasn’t what I was looking for to read.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great content, something I really needed to hear. Especially the bits about how some people can never be satisfied and it's not your fault.

I think I have a bit of reservation having grown up in the Christian subculture with Kevin Leman's book about birth order. And yet, this content does hold up, even if it does come from a place of expertise instead of co-suffering.

[Yaman · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read the Arabic version of this book.. It really change my thinking.. has many good ideas.. it is very rare when i start to read a book and didn't leave it until i finished.. this book is one of them

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writing of this book is a bit repetitive, and I got sick of endless 7-point lists of things to do. Even so, there are some good suggestions and nuggets. I especially liked the chapter on raising your own children and his approach to "reality discipline."

[Annalisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Today I've finished many books that have been on the nightstand for too long! This one was excellent. I cherished it in small snippets & will refer to it again and again. Love Kevin Leman's books in general.

[Lynnea · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a lot of great parenting tips in this book (similar to other Leman books) that I wasn't expecting, as this did not appear to be a parenting book. Parenting, as well as taking care of yourself, has to be intentional!

[Magdy Samy · Rating 3 out of 5]

من كتب التنمية البشرية القليلة الجيدة

[Mohamed Bahgat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good lessons with how to treat kids, and get trust.
Great points I got, many of my friends found it really useful with them kids.

[Hope · Rating 3 out of 5]

Encouragement for perfectionists.

[سارّة دسوقي · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, extremely helpful book for low-esteem and change and just basic self-improvement, focusing on parenting and raising children.

[Doris Raines · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hi. Never. Try. And. Please. Anyone. But. Your self. You. Have. A. Lot. Of. You. Left. Dont. You. Owe. This. To. Your. Self. Encourage. Your. Own. Self. You. Can. Do. This.