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Dom's Guide To Submissive Training: Step-by-step Blueprint On How To Train Your New Sub. A Must Read For Any Dom/Master In A BDSM Relationship
A Dom/sub relationship doesn't just happen. It is a finely crafted and designed system of expectations and joys. In order for you and your submissive lady to "fit" one another and create a lasting, happy union there must be a period of training.
It does not matter if your sub has thirty years of experience in submission or just read "50 Shades of Grey" and decided to try it herself. She will need to be trained for the best relationship to emerge.
"Dom's Guide to Submissive Training" was specifically written for doms/masters. It is designed to provide you with a step-by-step blueprint on how to train your new sub. It goes from preparation all the way down to the closing ceremony including advanced techniques & tips.
Training can be one of the most exciting, challenging and fun parts of the relationship. A well-trained sub will not only serve you in the capacity you deserve, but will have built up the two most important elements in any BDSM relationship - trust and consistency. Following the instructions in this guide will allow you to show yourself as a worthy master, who is in control, experienced and able to guide you both to the best possible life.
It does not matter if your sub has thirty years of experience in submission or just read "50 Shades of Grey" and decided to try it herself. She will need to be trained for the best relationship to emerge.
"Dom's Guide to Submissive Training" was specifically written for doms/masters. It is designed to provide you with a step-by-step blueprint on how to train your new sub. It goes from preparation all the way down to the closing ceremony including advanced techniques & tips.
Training can be one of the most exciting, challenging and fun parts of the relationship. A well-trained sub will not only serve you in the capacity you deserve, but will have built up the two most important elements in any BDSM relationship - trust and consistency. Following the instructions in this guide will allow you to show yourself as a worthy master, who is in control, experienced and able to guide you both to the best possible life.
75 pages, Paperback
First published August 16, 2013
169 people are currently reading
673 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
January 23, 2015
Oy. Ouch.
Oookay. I'll state up front that I'm (practically) not into D/s. The tiny fragments I incorporate into my play are completely fringe. However... the beef I have with this book is largely not D/s-related, merely BDSM-related and consent-related in general.
Let's start with that the author keeps reiterating how individual people are, and that BDSM (and D/s) means something different for each and every one of them, only to then start prescribing "Teh One Way" according to which D/s has to take place, without exceptions and deviations. And this one particular way is a very sorry rote mixture of "The Story of O" and Gorean tales with a bit of infantilisation and 1940s housewifery thrown in. Sorry, that's pukeworthy, though I can see where newbies and wannabe doms drool over the idea of having suddenly a girlfriend or wife who wants to turn the clock back (in and outside the bedroom). Yuck!
Next... Negotiation and valid consent seem to be alien concepts for this author. She appears to believe that any and all negotiation takes place before engaging in a relationship, with limits outlined and then put down in some "dom/sub agreement" or contract which both parties have to sign. And that's supposed to be "it". Not only that such a document is, in most anglo-saxon countries, proof of criminal behaviour and can severely bite either just the dominant, or both of them, when found in case of a lawsuit or prosecution, it also is completely nuts to expect anyone, especially a newbie, to know ahead what is fine by them and what isn't. Regarding the legal situation, the least I'd expect from an author writing such a guide is to point this out. Regarding consent, well, consent needs to be established each and every time and it has to be continuous. Items need to be negotiated each time as well, especially when new stuff is added.
The author then goes on to declare with utter conviction that subs need to be "trained" (says who exactly?) and only in such and such a manner (says who exactly again?). She states that punishment and pain are a necessity (errr, no. Actually a lot of D/s couples don't play with any punishment or pain), and that spanking is the one good method to do that (says who? There are people who prefer different methods. Galore.). Not just that, she states that the sub needs to be spanked until they safeword. That's, eum, bullshit. Crap even. A large load of it. Way to go to lose trust and create unhealthy fear.
The author needs to differentiate between masochists (people who want and like pain) and submissives (who may abhor pain as a rule), sadists (who like to cause pain) and dominants (who may hate causing pain). This guide treats the sub as if they automatically needed to endure pain or are meant to learn to enjoy pain. An even bigger load of manure that is, as Yoda would say. A lot of D/s play does entirely without any pain or punishment. Oh, and while we are going on about training, the recent-most development in training animals is about positive reinforcement and how it is superior to punishment-oriented methods. Again, the author never heard of that. Her guide is stuck in the 1940s in that respect. But then she describes the sub in terms which make quite clear that she thinks a female sub needs to be regressed to toddler age to be taught to submit and serve.
Why the sub perforce needs to have a shaved pubic area is beyond me. There are dominants who like bodyhair. To prescribe shaving is again denying people their individuality. Same goes for the heterosexism in this book, and the fact that not every man (and woman) likes receiving or giving oral sex. A sub can exclude that at will. Just saying. Also saying that sex is not necessarily part of the parcel. Nor are such things as sharing subs or pony play.
Lastly, no, you cannot do away with safe words, or rather with the sub's ability to at any given moment stop the play. Remember? It is play! It is not an actual slave owner training a slave. Whether you use safe words or whether the simple "no" or "stop it now" are sufficient doesn't matter, this book errs where it says that the ability to stop play is unnecessary.
This is some of the most convoluted, idiotic bullshit I've read in a long while. Particularly because it assumes to TEACH PEOPLE about D/s. Given that the author claims to be a sex educator and given what patently faulty and dangerous behaviour she describes, I have... a problem.
Readers and newbies, please refer to someone like Jay Wiseman and his SM 101: A Realistic Introduction instead for information. THIS is a real dominant who's been in the lifestyle for ages and actually knows what he writes! You'll see he differs importantly compared with this load of bull crap. And as I have the curious suspicion that quite a few authors read such guides and take it for gospel: don't! Get yourself the Wiseman and similar books by established, actual and renowned BDSMers.
Oookay. I'll state up front that I'm (practically) not into D/s. The tiny fragments I incorporate into my play are completely fringe. However... the beef I have with this book is largely not D/s-related, merely BDSM-related and consent-related in general.
Let's start with that the author keeps reiterating how individual people are, and that BDSM (and D/s) means something different for each and every one of them, only to then start prescribing "Teh One Way" according to which D/s has to take place, without exceptions and deviations. And this one particular way is a very sorry rote mixture of "The Story of O" and Gorean tales with a bit of infantilisation and 1940s housewifery thrown in. Sorry, that's pukeworthy, though I can see where newbies and wannabe doms drool over the idea of having suddenly a girlfriend or wife who wants to turn the clock back (in and outside the bedroom). Yuck!
Next... Negotiation and valid consent seem to be alien concepts for this author. She appears to believe that any and all negotiation takes place before engaging in a relationship, with limits outlined and then put down in some "dom/sub agreement" or contract which both parties have to sign. And that's supposed to be "it". Not only that such a document is, in most anglo-saxon countries, proof of criminal behaviour and can severely bite either just the dominant, or both of them, when found in case of a lawsuit or prosecution, it also is completely nuts to expect anyone, especially a newbie, to know ahead what is fine by them and what isn't. Regarding the legal situation, the least I'd expect from an author writing such a guide is to point this out. Regarding consent, well, consent needs to be established each and every time and it has to be continuous. Items need to be negotiated each time as well, especially when new stuff is added.
The author then goes on to declare with utter conviction that subs need to be "trained" (says who exactly?) and only in such and such a manner (says who exactly again?). She states that punishment and pain are a necessity (errr, no. Actually a lot of D/s couples don't play with any punishment or pain), and that spanking is the one good method to do that (says who? There are people who prefer different methods. Galore.). Not just that, she states that the sub needs to be spanked until they safeword. That's, eum, bullshit. Crap even. A large load of it. Way to go to lose trust and create unhealthy fear.
The author needs to differentiate between masochists (people who want and like pain) and submissives (who may abhor pain as a rule), sadists (who like to cause pain) and dominants (who may hate causing pain). This guide treats the sub as if they automatically needed to endure pain or are meant to learn to enjoy pain. An even bigger load of manure that is, as Yoda would say. A lot of D/s play does entirely without any pain or punishment. Oh, and while we are going on about training, the recent-most development in training animals is about positive reinforcement and how it is superior to punishment-oriented methods. Again, the author never heard of that. Her guide is stuck in the 1940s in that respect. But then she describes the sub in terms which make quite clear that she thinks a female sub needs to be regressed to toddler age to be taught to submit and serve.
Why the sub perforce needs to have a shaved pubic area is beyond me. There are dominants who like bodyhair. To prescribe shaving is again denying people their individuality. Same goes for the heterosexism in this book, and the fact that not every man (and woman) likes receiving or giving oral sex. A sub can exclude that at will. Just saying. Also saying that sex is not necessarily part of the parcel. Nor are such things as sharing subs or pony play.
Lastly, no, you cannot do away with safe words, or rather with the sub's ability to at any given moment stop the play. Remember? It is play! It is not an actual slave owner training a slave. Whether you use safe words or whether the simple "no" or "stop it now" are sufficient doesn't matter, this book errs where it says that the ability to stop play is unnecessary.
This is some of the most convoluted, idiotic bullshit I've read in a long while. Particularly because it assumes to TEACH PEOPLE about D/s. Given that the author claims to be a sex educator and given what patently faulty and dangerous behaviour she describes, I have... a problem.
Readers and newbies, please refer to someone like Jay Wiseman and his SM 101: A Realistic Introduction instead for information. THIS is a real dominant who's been in the lifestyle for ages and actually knows what he writes! You'll see he differs importantly compared with this load of bull crap. And as I have the curious suspicion that quite a few authors read such guides and take it for gospel: don't! Get yourself the Wiseman and similar books by established, actual and renowned BDSMers.
February 19, 2018
I honestly got read this book when I first started training submissives. This book was a disappointment to me as I was looking for a more in-depth book on the subject and I was hoping this would be it. I learned more from an internet search than from this book.
This book has a lot of ideas and exact rules to follow to help train your sub to the standard you want. It covers training and daily rituals like a teachers manual. It discusses steps you can follow in preparing your sub for a more fun sexual relationship. It talks about protocols which guide you with the rules on speech, clothing, attitude, etc.
The book is written from a strictly heterosexual standpoint and assumes a male dominant with a female submissive. Some statements are downright wrong for example Punishment spanking doesn’t allow for safeword use? That’s called assault. Anal sex should be part of all sub training even if the woman isn’t into it? The author uses intercourse and sex interchangeably. Nothing you can glean from this book that you can’t compile on the internet in 5 minutes.
Would I buy this book again? No, it is a 72 page waste of money. Save that money and google it. Would I recommend it to others? No, because there are a lot of statements that are downright abusive and wrong in this book for example Punishment spanking doesn’t allow for safeword use? That’s called assault. Also, there are better books and websites out there than this.
This book has a lot of ideas and exact rules to follow to help train your sub to the standard you want. It covers training and daily rituals like a teachers manual. It discusses steps you can follow in preparing your sub for a more fun sexual relationship. It talks about protocols which guide you with the rules on speech, clothing, attitude, etc.
The book is written from a strictly heterosexual standpoint and assumes a male dominant with a female submissive. Some statements are downright wrong for example Punishment spanking doesn’t allow for safeword use? That’s called assault. Anal sex should be part of all sub training even if the woman isn’t into it? The author uses intercourse and sex interchangeably. Nothing you can glean from this book that you can’t compile on the internet in 5 minutes.
Would I buy this book again? No, it is a 72 page waste of money. Save that money and google it. Would I recommend it to others? No, because there are a lot of statements that are downright abusive and wrong in this book for example Punishment spanking doesn’t allow for safeword use? That’s called assault. Also, there are better books and websites out there than this.
May 15, 2019
Okay, but....
I gave three stars because while this book is a good starting point a lot of it is very much biased and based on the author's personal ideas of what a good sub is. Also she has nothing for training male subs. I didn't think too highly of her bad mouthing bratting....not all subs who "brat" do it just for attention or a spanking. Some of us do it because our Masters find it hilarious and we know it. Also her insistence that anal sex is a must. ...some people have very valid health related reasons for having anal as a limit and that was not appreciated.
The book is a starting point and provides some good ideas but much of it needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
I gave three stars because while this book is a good starting point a lot of it is very much biased and based on the author's personal ideas of what a good sub is. Also she has nothing for training male subs. I didn't think too highly of her bad mouthing bratting....not all subs who "brat" do it just for attention or a spanking. Some of us do it because our Masters find it hilarious and we know it. Also her insistence that anal sex is a must. ...some people have very valid health related reasons for having anal as a limit and that was not appreciated.
The book is a starting point and provides some good ideas but much of it needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
September 8, 2018
Not even worth to buy any of this series for that price, a mini book with so large fonts...I think it is the author's idea to give a print a 4 paged ideas on normal 12 font to share some ideas about bdsm. not any specific or useful advice. would worth it collect all tye 4,5 books and leave in one bigger size...
December 15, 2021
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
So while I am happy that this book focused on important aspects like safe words (a must), after-care (another must that is often overlooked), and setting up clear boundaries with LOTS OF COMMUNICATION. I was really hoping that this book would live up to those standards and it did, but there were some major issues I had with the book. They will be laid out in a more list order so you can skip around and read my hatred and angst at your own leisure.
Issue 1: Spanking your sub to the point of a safe word
So that was a thing the book suggested. It said that you should test your sub to see what levels of pain they can take, good idea. However the book talked about intentionally trying to hurt your sub to the point that they safe worded. This sounds dangerous and any Dom that has that in mind will not get many trained subs.
Issue 2: Ignore safe words during punishments
Remember how safe words are things that you shouldn’t ignore ever. They mean an instant stop to anything that is happening no matter how much the other person(s) are enjoying the events. Instead this book says that safe words must be ignored when you are punishing your sub. The book goes on to say that BDSM and abuse are not the same things because of consent and love, but saying to ignore your partner saying “STOP NOW” is abuse. DO NOT IGNORE SAFE WORDS.
Issue 3: Assumed heterosexuality
The book is written for men. It assumes that all of the men reading the book love women and they all have penises. There was literally a part of the book that mentions that fact that your sub MUST be willing to give you head at any time because your penis is a sign of your dominant position.
Issue 4: Assumed sex is a part of BDSM
Not all Dom/sub relationships are based in sex play. Not all Dom/sub relationships have an element of pain. This book assumes that D/s also means B/D and S/M, when they are not always connected. According to this book all subs must be available at all times for sex and they must train themselves to be anally ready as well, despite many people having hard limits around anal play. This book says to push a sub’s soft limits.
I got extremely uncomfortable reading this book because it is a load of sexist bullshit that is trying to get more Doms to be sexist monsters who break their subs, instead of caring Doms who will build this subs up. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM THIS BOOK.
So while I am happy that this book focused on important aspects like safe words (a must), after-care (another must that is often overlooked), and setting up clear boundaries with LOTS OF COMMUNICATION. I was really hoping that this book would live up to those standards and it did, but there were some major issues I had with the book. They will be laid out in a more list order so you can skip around and read my hatred and angst at your own leisure.
Issue 1: Spanking your sub to the point of a safe word
So that was a thing the book suggested. It said that you should test your sub to see what levels of pain they can take, good idea. However the book talked about intentionally trying to hurt your sub to the point that they safe worded. This sounds dangerous and any Dom that has that in mind will not get many trained subs.
Issue 2: Ignore safe words during punishments
Remember how safe words are things that you shouldn’t ignore ever. They mean an instant stop to anything that is happening no matter how much the other person(s) are enjoying the events. Instead this book says that safe words must be ignored when you are punishing your sub. The book goes on to say that BDSM and abuse are not the same things because of consent and love, but saying to ignore your partner saying “STOP NOW” is abuse. DO NOT IGNORE SAFE WORDS.
Issue 3: Assumed heterosexuality
The book is written for men. It assumes that all of the men reading the book love women and they all have penises. There was literally a part of the book that mentions that fact that your sub MUST be willing to give you head at any time because your penis is a sign of your dominant position.
Issue 4: Assumed sex is a part of BDSM
Not all Dom/sub relationships are based in sex play. Not all Dom/sub relationships have an element of pain. This book assumes that D/s also means B/D and S/M, when they are not always connected. According to this book all subs must be available at all times for sex and they must train themselves to be anally ready as well, despite many people having hard limits around anal play. This book says to push a sub’s soft limits.
I got extremely uncomfortable reading this book because it is a load of sexist bullshit that is trying to get more Doms to be sexist monsters who break their subs, instead of caring Doms who will build this subs up. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM THIS BOOK.
January 6, 2021
This book is worth a read, for a few reasons, but as an experienced Dominant, I take issue with some things.
First, it is borderline abusive, implying to ignore safe words during punishments. This is absolutely unacceptable and it also implies some pretty harsh goals to achieve forcing safe words. Also, this is really a slave dynamic, and it's not framed as such. The title should be "Dom's Guide to Slave Training..." because this is not a traditional D/s relationship.
That being said, this book does have a lot of good ideas in it too. Most importantly, it provides a game plan for some important training ideas, like establishing a start phase, then a consistent phase, then an end phase, which it gives a lot of good information on.
It does get deep into the weeds of a wide variety of D/s relationship topics in very short order and you can read this book within a couple of hours, even taking notes, so in that sense, it is a decent read.
Just take it with a grain of salt.
First, it is borderline abusive, implying to ignore safe words during punishments. This is absolutely unacceptable and it also implies some pretty harsh goals to achieve forcing safe words. Also, this is really a slave dynamic, and it's not framed as such. The title should be "Dom's Guide to Slave Training..." because this is not a traditional D/s relationship.
That being said, this book does have a lot of good ideas in it too. Most importantly, it provides a game plan for some important training ideas, like establishing a start phase, then a consistent phase, then an end phase, which it gives a lot of good information on.
It does get deep into the weeds of a wide variety of D/s relationship topics in very short order and you can read this book within a couple of hours, even taking notes, so in that sense, it is a decent read.
Just take it with a grain of salt.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 30, 2023
Has a few good tips but otherwise ick
I am not a fan of the undertone to this. It makes it out to be that women are supposed to be submissive by nature. Like that is what they're born to be like. As if there are no female Dommes/Mistresses. Even my Master who read it found some ick parts about it. He was not a fan of brats being called childish because they're a challenge and fun to deal with. He likes being a brat tamer.
I am not a fan of the undertone to this. It makes it out to be that women are supposed to be submissive by nature. Like that is what they're born to be like. As if there are no female Dommes/Mistresses. Even my Master who read it found some ick parts about it. He was not a fan of brats being called childish because they're a challenge and fun to deal with. He likes being a brat tamer.
April 20, 2024
While the book might be a help for the laymen trying to sneak a peek into the dom & sub culture they have seen in illicit videography online, this is by no means an honest guide.
The dom sub relation does not, should not have gender specified power dynamic constraints.
The book's written from the perspective of a male dom being the norm. Got a beef to pick with that, a pretty stupid read.
The dom sub relation does not, should not have gender specified power dynamic constraints.
The book's written from the perspective of a male dom being the norm. Got a beef to pick with that, a pretty stupid read.
Read
October 14, 2025Ovo je negde preporučeno kao korisna knjiga za one koje zanima tema.
Nije.
Ovo je spisak uputstava za zlostavljanje žena (prema autorki, submisivne su isključivo žene); oni koji slede ta uputstva bi u iole normalnom okruženju vrlo brzo završili na robiji.
Bljak.
Srećom pa je vrlo kratko.
Nije.
Ovo je spisak uputstava za zlostavljanje žena (prema autorki, submisivne su isključivo žene); oni koji slede ta uputstva bi u iole normalnom okruženju vrlo brzo završili na robiji.
Bljak.
Srećom pa je vrlo kratko.
June 15, 2018
Short and easy read. Didn't cover anything in great depth and is lacking in bringing up important topics. Probably ok to read as an introductory, but would definitely recommend finding a more in-depth book about training.
November 29, 2020
Some useful things in it(only reason for second star), but majority is just subjective to the writer, bashing certain aspects she does not like. "forcing" ideas as only to be followed or you can't be a dom/master.
March 26, 2025
This is a short book, only 65 small pages with large font. If you've been in or exploring the BDSM scene for any amount of time, most of this information won't be new. However, rarely has a BDSM 101 guide been so organized and concise. Even those well experienced will find the presentation helpful.
April 4, 2025
Straight to the point, concise and easy to read. Some aspects in here could be up for debate - then again, it is just on author's opinion on the matter. Overall, a very good start if you're just about to embark on your DOM journey. Otherwise, this might be underwhelming.
October 16, 2017
Very thorough
Very thorough and straight to the point. Looking forward to reading the next novel I'm the series to guide me in being a good Master
Very thorough and straight to the point. Looking forward to reading the next novel I'm the series to guide me in being a good Master
December 6, 2017
Very vague and needs more INFO
June 6, 2018
Too analytical
Too black and white for real world applications except as a very broad set of outlines. Little in the way of an actual training plan
Too black and white for real world applications except as a very broad set of outlines. Little in the way of an actual training plan
September 22, 2021
Well that was fun.
Even I, an old devil, have gained a few new interesting ideas form this ;)
Even I, an old devil, have gained a few new interesting ideas form this ;)
August 22, 2022
Good short read for anyone new to the lifestyle
December 28, 2024
Basic knowledge available on the net
December 28, 2015
I would like to state upfront that I have never trained a submissive before. This book is more like a pamphlet due to the small amount of pages in this book. I don’t know who edited this book but they seriously need to go back to school because there are a few spelling mistakes but quite a bit of grammar mistakes. The information in this book is very sound and solid and I did learn a lot from it. I honestly think that volumes 1, 2 and 3 could have been put in to one book though. One other thing I wish the book contained was more information on the topics that were barley discussed.
October 4, 2015
Somewhat Interesting
From a Subs point of some of this is utter garbage. There is very little mention of after care or safe words. No where did I see the mention o safe, sane and consequential. Part of being a Dom is caring about your sub and helping her too improve herself. It is not all about your dick. This is very old school. By the way there are male subs this author doesn't seem to realise that.
From a Subs point of some of this is utter garbage. There is very little mention of after care or safe words. No where did I see the mention o safe, sane and consequential. Part of being a Dom is caring about your sub and helping her too improve herself. It is not all about your dick. This is very old school. By the way there are male subs this author doesn't seem to realise that.
January 29, 2015
Not worth price
Basic information not worth the price. Yes it is good useful straightforward directions, but misses the gist of the relationship being formed. Even with editing out of thing other reviews complained about, this is hardcore dominating instructions to make a slave not a sub who shares mutual pleasure.
Basic information not worth the price. Yes it is good useful straightforward directions, but misses the gist of the relationship being formed. Even with editing out of thing other reviews complained about, this is hardcore dominating instructions to make a slave not a sub who shares mutual pleasure.
February 16, 2020
Fast concise read!
As I started reading this text it was intriguing and inspiring to know that I can train my wife into service as a sub based on the techniques covered in the pages.
As I started reading this text it was intriguing and inspiring to know that I can train my wife into service as a sub based on the techniques covered in the pages.
June 8, 2014
Well thought out
Well thought out and in plain English to set even a novice Dom on the right path in training your sub.
Well thought out and in plain English to set even a novice Dom on the right path in training your sub.
November 26, 2016
Great read
This book was excellently written, very informative and covered an array of topics. I would recommend it to novice and experienced alike.
This book was excellently written, very informative and covered an array of topics. I would recommend it to novice and experienced alike.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews